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slasherwife · 3 years

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Hello♡ Could I please request a matchup?

I'm actually really boring and paradox. I always feel like I don't belong anywhere, that's probably why I have a soft spot for anyone and anything different. I suffer from autism and depression. I admire people who are bold and straight-forward with their feelings. Because it's hard for me to express my own and, sadly, I usually don't "see" others. And, even though I'm not at all funny, I like people who are. I'm lazy as hell. I am incredibly understanding and almost impossible to get upset, so I am always calm. I have a passion and interest in the more darker aspects of the life and world and a rather dark/morbid humor. My ideal day would be spent with cuddling, listening to music, watching movies, having in-depths conversations and drinking tea on a rainy day and to take a walk in the rain. I'm extremly loyal and I honestly try to be as kind/polite as possible. Music is very important and therapeutic for me, I could never live a day without it. I always try to act against injustice, even if being the center of attention makes me uncomfortable. I'm not at all dominant, but that's not a problem to me. My favorite colours are green and black. People always tell me that I think too much. I have a really, really big problem with laws, rules and authority and I'm not afraid to speak up against them (which is surprising to most people because I'm usually very shy, insecure and quiet). As a quiet person, I like talkative people because they are willing to do the talking themselves and don't expect me to keep up my end of it. I really have no sleep schedule. I'm open-minded and have a kind heart, I see the good in nearly anyone. I secretly crave affection and attention, but I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm barely able to make eye contact and am sometimes painfully awkward. Nevertheless, I love animals and I'm more comfortable with them (they are far easier than humans). I'm a feminist and anarchist with my whole heart. I don't know if it's true, but I think I annoy people. I have trust issues and I'm therefore more cautious around others. I really struggle to say what's on my mind, sometimes I can't even build the easiest sentence. I think the best feelings are that of a hug or cuddling (but I could never ask anyone for one) and that of feeling and being protected. I'm probably the clumsiest person. I only judge people for what I experience, so it doesn't matter to me what is said about that person or what their heritage/beliefs are.

Thank you♡

Hi lovie 💖 you remind me of myself a little. It took me such a long ass time to realize that I am worthy of being competant, and confident. A good friend of mine broke me out of my shell, and just like that I was free from doubt and sadness, and feeling like I was never meant to succeed at things. Trust me, you don’t annoy people. If you are quiet and reserved like you said, there’s no way. You’re not boring either, you’re just a thinker. I am too. Common folk want to go out and have fun, but rare people like you appreciate deeper meaning, and I think that’s beautiful. You deserve every bit of love you receive, and so much more 💖💖💖

Sorry if I was a little too personal with you!! I just hate it when ppl doubt themselves 🥺🥺💕

I ship you with Vincent!

Soulmates. Just saying that here and now.

Vincent saw you first, barely— you were so quiet in how you observed everything he barely noticed you

He compared your delicacy to his wax sculptures, something of art, a spectacle, and that’s why he didn’t kill you— because he thought you were sort of beautiful.

He approached you, not meaning to show himself to you, but you noticed and looked over— he froze.

You smiled at him so politely, no fear or suspicion, so unassuming and pure. He didn’t touch you, nor would he let Lester or bo touch you. You weren’t meant for that.

He loves you so much because you’re so gentle, and calm and unassuming.

He’ll play Beethoven for you, while he works on his sculptures.

He loves to be in the same room as you, though just enjoying each other’s presence and not exactly talking

Vincent prefers sign language than to use his real voice, which you don’t mind of course

He weirdly gets really relaxed around you, especially when you two are alone. It’s like you’re his safe space, away from all of his stresses

His ideal evening with you would be in his quarters, alone with you. He works on his art, while you read in the corner while listening to classical music.

Vincent gets really shy when it comes to physical affection, and will usually never initiate it.

So in the beginning of the relationship, he’ll get really tense and embarrassed when you try to hold him.

But he eventually comes to love it, and will sign you to come lay down with him sometimes, if you two are alone in his quarters.

He may refuse to come out of his quarters sometimes, to which you go to the kitchen to make some tea or a snack for the both of you, and share with him

It makes him melt for you, (honestly if you are kind to him an any way he’ll melt for you), and that’s when he’ll most likely initiate affection, hold you, ask you to sit next to him, etc :)

He lets you know without saying it, that your autism and depression does not matter to him, and that his love for you is unconditional

When he shows you his face, you embrace him and kiss him deeply, and he could die from how happy he felt.

He never wants to be apart from you. He would protect you from his brothers and from everyone, he wants you to himself forever.

He loves you so much he can barely breathe

I wouldn’t be surprised if when he died, his love for you resurrects him 💜

#slashers #slashers x reader #vincent sinclair #Vincent Sinclair matchup #slasher matchup

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edgarbright · 5 years

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[ Initial Musings after Leonardo’s Route; Spoilers ]

Everyone else finishing up Leonardo's route: Tears, public breakdowns, ready to fight the sun

Me finishing up Leonardo's route:

If I described his route in one word, I would perhaps use underwhelming.

He's a wonderful and super attractive man, don't get me wrong! If you want therapeutic support, he's definitely your guy! He loves MC, he cares about MC, he exists for MC. (Although for a man who is also kind of horny, his spice leaves a lot to be desired and that's with premium attire lol)

But if they had changed his name from Leonardo to Sergio, I would never have thought he was an artist, an inventor, a man in love with learning and exploring, a forward thinker with a galaxy brain who is the poster child for the Renaissance, which is a time when beauty and love and science rose up. There was nothing to show that he had a procrastination problem, that for such a brilliant creator he only finished a handful of works in his lifetime, that he prioritized the pursuit of discovery and art for art’s sake, and that paid commissions were dragged out for years while he jumped between personal pet projects.

What we did get was a smoker with an incredibly kind heart and a touch of sadness who lives in a horrendously messy room. He is so disinterested in creative pursuits that he didn’t even name the cat he has had for like 2 years.

And if his route wasn't in a game with the word vampire in the title, I would have entirely thought him human. I would have thought EVERYONE in that mansion was human. There is absolutely nothing that hints at vampires in this route except at the beginning when Arthur drinks the rouge, but that could have been a practical joke at the MC’s expense.

There is, however, a scene at the end where Leonardo gets seriously injured and survives, but it wouldn't be the first Ikemen game to critically wreck a suitor only for him to walk it off a week later. It’s only at the very end of the route that we’re told Leonardo thinks himself a monster, and this idea is given no preface. We are not given evidence or hints as to show us why he thinks this way, either, when his life, by all means, is incredibly normal despite him living in a house brimming with handsome men and outliving everyone he’s ever known.

Then there is a throw-out about him attempting alchemy, but we aren’t given the time to settle into the idea. All the interesting bits about Leonardo are saved for around the 24th chapter mark of a 26 chapter route. It felt like the writer realized they had spent too much time coddling the MC and realized they needed to make Leonardo more interesting in his own right, which is bizarre because he’s supposed to be the Leonardo da Vinci.

As for the MC, she is one of the least favorites I have encountered. She is the epitome of acting like a child so her suitor can act like a man. Thankfully Leonardo comes across as a mature, attractive, and capable person all on his own, but that makes her look even worse for her immaturity.

The MC is sat down (with Saint-Germain, dreamy sigh goes here), is propositioned with a request, is provided options with explanations so she can make an education decision, makes her choice, and then proceeds to act like a child for what felt like half the route. It is incredibly unromantic, to me, that Leonardo has to literally drag her out of hiding so they can proceed with their Fake Dating. What a waste of a great trope! No one was forcing her to be with Leonardo. Even he was surprised when she agreed to play along. Honestly, they should have just put us all out of our misery and cancelled the deal. Maybe have the MC realize her mistake on her own.

(Easy concept to fix this I came up with just now: MC and Leonardo cancel the deal because the MC is so obviously uncomfortable despite agreeing, and then have another vampire or two come at her when they realize she doesn’t have Leonardo’s ~protection. MC realizes she is responsible for own safety, has to use her one brain cell to the best of its ability, and we get to see vampires being vampires. Nice!)

Instead, it took her around 9 to 10 chapters before she acknowledged Leonardo wasn’t really that bad a guy -- which is extra bizarre because he’s never presented as a bad guy ever? everyone respects him? the townspeople love him?? I don’t recall exactly how long she’s been in the manor by this point, a week most likely, which leaves approximately two weeks for her to fall head-over-heels in love with him before the climax.

Two. Weeks.

And then they are proclaiming their undying love for each other by the end?? Is this Romeo x Juliet? I know Shakespeare is a character in this game but did he write this route!?

It should be said that Shakespeare was a perfect GENTLEMAN in this route, btw. I assume his darkness is shown elsewhere. But the scene with him at the ball was great and informative and mysterious and I love him. Also Saint-Germain, when finding out what went down between Shakespeare and a particular acting trope, continued to show his support and admiration for Shakespeare and his writing. We all stan a proactive and dedicated playwright in this house.

Speaking of Saint-Germain, in his minor supporting role, he SHONE in this route, which is why my love for him is especially bursting and we super stan him! You can tell he cares about the MC, from her comfort to her happiness to her safety. When Leonardo and Saint-Germain came to save her, Saint-Germain honestly stole the show because his anger and passion felt real and plausible and inflamed. I got the real sense that Saint-Germain would literally tear apart everyone in that room. (Those are his guests and you do not touch his guests...) Meanwhile Leonardo goes to rescue her by proclaiming that he has never loved or will ever love another woman except her (you’ve known her for, like, 3 weeks at this point, my guy), and it’s just so over the top and weirdly focused (obsessive?) it felt fake and forced to me.

To be honest, if it wasn’t because of Saint-Germain, Shakespeare, and having friends who are promoting their faves (I’m listening!!!), I might have been inclined to call the game boring and drop it. This was a lackluster route that did not live up to the famous name of Leonardo da Vinci, provide any supernatural elements, create an endearing romance, or offer historical resonance or insight.

There were still several heartwarming and entertaining moments, from seeing Leonardo in town to meeting the watch-maker to the bathing house scene with Theo and Vincent (LOL) that I do remember fondly! Wonderful smaller set pieces, but sadly none of them large enough to bridge the gap.

#my ikevamp #ikevamp leonardo #leonardo's route #leonardo route spoilers #when i say rambling i mean rambling #my first route didn't go as well as i hoped...

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geekgrrlriot · 7 years

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Depression

I’m still trying to get myself out of this funk and get motivated to create. It’s not going very well. I’m making progress with getting regular housework done, but even that isn’t easy and some days are better than others.

I’ve been doing a bit of work here and there on various blog posts I’d like to do. I think I have some solid ideas for things I could write well about, but I just can’t get myself to actually do the work.

I need to get away. I need to recharge. Reconnect with myself. Find my passion and figure out how to make it grow. I need a routine. See, this is my problem. I know what I need to do. I just can’t make myself do it. Any of it.

I think part of my problem, is most of my life, I’ve had people forcing me to do things, whether it was just stuff I didn’t want to do, but they wanted me to do it, or stuff I needed to do and should have been taught to just do, I was screamed at and forced to do everything. I was even forced to do a lot of things I shouldn’t have been doing at my age. Like responsibilities that aren’t meant to be a teenager’s. I think I just got so tired of it, that now I can’t make myself do things because I don’t have someone forcing me. I love how messed up I am and I get it’s my responsibility to accept how I am and change what I can and should, but shit. I didn’t make me this way. It’s super hard to change. Especially, when people don’t really want to help you. They want you to change. They promise they’ll help, but they just get mad that you’re not changing fast enough. Well, 30 some years of dealing with something or just doing something at all is sort of a hard habit to break, no matter how much you know it’s not healthy or hate that you do it, sometimes it’s just fucking impossible to stop.

I’m rambling. That’s ok, though. That’s going to happen from time to time. This is sort of my thinking out loud place. First of all, most people don’t like me actually thinking out loud. For some reason, that’s really annoying to EVERYONE. *shrug Sometimes, it feels like my existence is annoying to everyone, too.* And second, I do a much better job communicating how I actually feel and what I actually think, when it’s written. I think it has something to do with being a visual learner. I learn better, by seeing something done, or reading the instructions myself. It’s weirdly hard for me to retain anything that’s just said to me. I really need to see it in writing if I’m going to commit it to memory.

I don’t even know what my point was with this post, today. I think I mostly just needed to write. I really need to make myself write every day. I’ve not been successful with that yet. But, I will say, I have been writing more. Hell, writing at all is more than I have written in years and I’ve started a blog, written a few entries, started work on a few others, have started working on a few scifi stories, have done, I think, 6 lessons in that writing class online, I’m taking, and although I only wrote one entry, I DID start a personal journal.

Part of my problem is I can’t write unless I’m alone or surrounded by strangers. *It’s weird and I might get into this later, but it’s too much for my intentions, today. * And so, i can’t write when A- is here. I’ve tried going into another room. I don’t know just having him in the house is distracting. Also, I can’t really do much writing by hand, anymore. I’ve been okay, taking notes in my moleskin, when I’m out and about and something comes to me that I have to jot down, but with the arthritis and carpel tunnel, my hands get very numb and sore. I can’t just sit and write by hand like I used to. That is super frustrating. I’ve never really been able to sit and create while staring at a computer screen. So, that’s something else I’m trying to learn today. It’s another thing, I think that’s making all this difficult.

But, I’d say the biggest reason is, I’ve been in this low grade depression for awhile now and I just figured it out. I’m hoping when the warm weather is here to stay, that will help knock me out of this. I know part of it is how brutally bleak and somber the winters look around here. Also, the fact that I moved back to my home town, where most of my triggers are, is a huge contributing factor to my depression. I’m really trying hard to work through all of this. My boyfriend wants to live here. He wants me to be happy here. I can live here with him, but I don’t know that I can be completely happy here. This town and my family do things to me. I hate that about me. I’m pretty sure, my boyfriend, hates that about me, as well. I try, for his sake, for my sake. It’s not easy and I don’t know how successful, I’ve been. He’s not as communicative as he insists I be. I don’t always know what he’s thinking or what he wants from me. Sometimes, it feels like he expects me to be perfect. He won’t ask me to marry him, because he’s got some sort of test, he mentioned early on in our relationship, that I just don’t seem to pass. I’m apparently the relationship to measure all other relationships and he knows what a good thing he has, *all according to him* but, I’ve still got too much baggage to marry, I guess. His baggage is fine, I’m supposed to just live with it, but I have to work on eliminating mine. I’m pretty sure, that’s not exactly what he means, but that’s what it feels like. When we first started dating, he told me his issues. These were things I had to deal with. If not, those were deal breakers. He’d been burned too many times. I agreed and have never once bitched about his picky eating, the fact that all he does is play video games and doesn’t like to go do things, or that he doesn’t want to spend his life working so he has a part time job delivering pizza so he has free time to work on his relationship. I’d love to be able to cook more adventurous foods. I’d love to do more in the evening then us each on our respective computers playing different video games or watching different videos on Youtube. I’d love to go to coffee shops together, or hiking, or picnics or just take trips, be he doesn’t want to do any of that and I don’t nag and rarely ask him to do anything. I’d also love to not have to bear the weight my financial stresses alone. He does pay the bills, and it’s true I quit my full time job with benefits. But, I’ve still got rent taken care of and I pay for all the household expenses on my minimum wage, part time pay from the theater. *That’s tough. I’m under a lot of pressure, to get another job and do some side hustles to make more money so we can start saving again. It’s true I was out of work for 5 months and took my time finding a new job. But, he told me I could, encouraged me to do it and then got mad at me. *I know it’s far more complicated than this. I’m just writing about how this makes me feel* I was paying rent before I quit my job. I’m still covering rent. He had to help with household expenses for a few months, but I’ve got that covered again. But, I don’t want to spend my life working, either. I hated working at G-. I was so miserable. I thought the depression would leave after I quit and it did. But, then it came back, after A- got mad at me because my eBay business wasn’t taking off and I hadn’t found a part time job, yet. It seems like I’m always disappointing him and nothing I do seems to live up to his expectations. It’s clear I’m not what he wanted. It’s really starting to feel like he “settled” for me. I don’t want to be that girl. I want to be wanted and adored and found beautiful. I just don’t feel that. I’m not sure, I ever did from him. I’ve told him about being sad that he never tells me I’m pretty or that I look nice unless I ask him. I’m not so shallow that I think looks are important and I want to be valued more for my mind than my looks, but I still want to be found attractive. He seriously never says it. He never says I’m pretty. And he rarely says I look nice unless I ask him how I look. The only time’s he’s ever said anything that seemed genuine was after a fight, where I brought it up. He’s said I’m pretty and he does find me attractive and then after the fight maybe a day or too later, he’ll say it out of the blue, or while we’re having sex and then, that’s it. I’m expected, to make more sexual advances and initiate it more, it’s kinda hard to want to when you don’t think your partner even wants you to. It’s only gotten worse with his issue with my weight and that’s a whole other thing, that I may or may not get into on here. I’m already going to work feeling worse then when I started this thing.

*sigh* Maybe this will prove to be therapeutic. That’s the idea. It just doesn’t feel that way, right now. :/

I’ve rambled enough. I’m off to get ready for work.

-geekgrrlriot

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