#its a lot worse than it sounds

[afigmentofyourcreation]

That's more like it

Our backyard has now been flooded

#stormy day #rainnyday #gloomyday #this is nice #its a lot worse than it sounds #my phone sucks at picking up noise

[imflyingfish]

Worst thing about learning a new language of my own violation though is that its made me a fucking nerd. I just found my friend's flashcards on quizlet and got excited. I get excited to hear some french words in everyday conversation. When my friends are reading a book i have to resist the urge to go WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT. Im just super excited to consume french and spanish language and phrases and im a fucking nerd about it now

#like im not as into spanish as i am french #i like the sounds better but i set out here to learn french goddamit!!!! #but it would be SUPER awesome to speak both fr fe #fr #hell even just 1 #like in 4 years. again. km not going to be worse #im listening and learing french constantly atm #spanish its only been a few days but im getting on a lot better than i thought #i keep getting frustrated bevause i dont always understand it and its digficult to manage my time #plus ive heard that learning two langauages can confuse u #but ive not had too much issue atm and it can actually be benifitial to learn both #hell i dont think om even doing this for qsmp anymore i dont even watch qsmp!!!!! #but also if i do need to dropone language or maybe even both if rhings get really crazy #it wont be the end of the world because i can always pick it back up and it wi never be a waste u know #luke i havent learnt spanish for 4 or 5 years!!! and i STILL can read a bit and i got put forwards on duolingo even FURTHER than i currently #am in french!!!!!! #and ive been learning french for 4 months! (although i learnt spanish at school since like. year 4 and i didnt take it in later years and my #spanish teacher hated me bc i was always drawing and she was mean #ik spanishis easier to learn than french #did u k ow that if u practice for 3 hours a day u can learn spanish in 6 months!? #i dont have 3 hours a day #i think today ive spent about 1 #1.5 hours practicing and 1.5 hours engaging with french and spanish media combined #but thats only half of that each idk #i just dont think im going to be fluent for aggggeeeesssssss like YEARS. maybe in like. 4 or 5 years would be cool #but also its just fun? and im having fun and oh my god this makes me a nerd doesnt it #okay okay ramble over im just proud of myself :]

[nightfallsystem]

u guys ever think about killing urself for everyone elses sake.

just so people wont have to go thru the annoyance of talking to me or the disgust of seeing my face so they can be happier by talking to their other friends instead of me so they dont have to deal with my actual fucking stupidity

#tw vent #tw suicide #ingnore this. btw. or dont i cant stop you lol #imsso close to cutitng off everyone i know so they can be happier i alreadyblocked a few people i knewnow ionly know one person irl #imf so glad she found other people so she'll be completely fine if i disappear out of her life her life sounds like its going great actuall #ruining my life ^_^ #i dont want to talk to people but for their sake #IM GENUINELY SO FUCKING STUPID AND UPSETTING TO TALK TO . #does anyone even love me anymore #im probably doign this for my own selfish reasons #i dont go outside anymore for everyone else sake. so they dont have to see my ugly face. or deal with my awful speech #at least i can still draw.... only way i can mkae people happy.. #im mean to myself more than anyone else is mean to me at htis point. why #im not even capable of becoming mentally well at hthis point. im a lost cause #tell me what you rlly think . just tell me to shut the fuck up. just call me annoying. whatever u say cant be worse than what i do to mysel #pleasee im just dragging u down and making u feel worse whenever u tlak to me DO YOU NOT REALISE IT #i dont want to feel better for myself i want to feel better so i can be useful to others #i fucking hate people but i love them a lot . i gues i just hate how i affect others. social outcast i guess

[tiny-huts]

I think one of the loveliest part of the prewritten campaign modules is seeing fanart for all the different characters and hearing about the different ways they were a part of people's campaigns and hearing about the cute little variations in personalities that different DMs give them. But sometimes the flipside of that is looking at how someone talks about a character and being like? That's not MY son?

#dnd #i am fine with different interpretations.nobody come at me #but sometimes the choices made baffle me #i am talking about Jarlaxle #people make him a lot more villainous than he actually is #or even worse ive seen some people make him kind of... stalkery.. which i despise #also as my partys resident Jarlaxle fucker its funny to me how people describe romancing him sometimes #some people always talk about romancing him like its some idk tragedy waiting to happen or is some YA dark romance bullshit #and i was sitting here like #my bard just agreed Luskan should prob have credit for the money that seems logically sound #they just liked each other idk #i picture them like going to the damn opera together and making fun of nobles fashion choices #like am i boring or are yall just being #this makes me sound full of myself #which is true i am #but some of the jarlaxle interpretations im like where did that come from

[elibean]

I see some people disliking the ending with the time stuff due to it going against season ones message. While i understand, i think i need to see how the time stuff actually plays out next season… Or maybe i just think there’s ahem worse writing choices this season

yeah i mean that's valid! people already didn't like season 2 because of how different it was from season 1.

but like...unpopular opinion, but season 1 was no masterpiece lol. it was cute, i guess, but i've definitely seen this kind of thing done better before (these slice of life, individual stories). what i really enjoyed about the series was lg and cxs and their relationship; and i came to really love ql too, and how she was like a big sister to cxs.

but (and this is ALSO unpopular) I really enjoyed the thread about emma back in s1, and the more exciting mystery/thriller stuff. i found that fun and exciting. so when s2 was more of THAT i was excited. i agree with everyone else that it was executed poorly and the writing was sloopy; but imo it's no downgrade from s1 or anything. kind of just more of the same? i was just bummed there was less of a focus on my two favorite characters.

BUT THEN THEY CONFIRMED A FAN-FAVORITE THEORY AND MADE THE FOCUS LG AND CXS AGAIN SO I DON'T GIVE A SHIT LC IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME 10/10 NO COMPLAINTS

#asks #to each their own! #i don't feel like this season was like #significantly worse than s1 #maybe a little more poorly put together but i feel like that was largely the pacing #can't wait for 3!! #also not to make me sound like a bitch or anything but... #i feel like a lot of lc fans dont like #watch a ton of other anime and stuff #and like....maybe that's why they like s1 so much? bc they haven't seen that kind of thing before? #this makes me seem really mean . i don't intend it that way #but anyway i've watched entirely too much anime and so its just #idk. have seen it been done better #even amongst time travel shows! (please watch steins;gate)

[rodrickheffley]

ok im actually gonna post a ranking today at least of the standard edition i will start working on the second half today tho

#im finding it hard cuz the more i listen the more im like. yeah none of these really hit #listened to my faves off folkmore last night and had a lil cry bc of nostalgia and how good they are but also how its sad how none of the #new songs come close imo. again tho i havent listened to the second side enough to have a real.opinion so this is abt the first half #i have a very rough ranking like ik my bottom three but theres some where its like. theres one cool part. or i like the bottom half. and #within those its like. some are just mid and some have lyrics that bug me but the ones with bad lyrics sound better than the ones with mid #lyrics....and some of them are like. fine but feel self derivative to me and like just worse versions of folklore tracks #florida is esp hard for me like do i like it or not i really do not know but i think the florida duh duh duh duh duh duh duh is cool and i #like just how many times its repeated at the end. but the whole first verse is so boring and i find a lot of the lyrics in florences part #kinda cringe and cliche

[oatbugs]

i think i actually owe my life to sony's noise cancelling headphones like quite literally

#its not just them saving me from sensory meltdowns etc #its that when i was like. at the edge of it. like when i was seriously like yeah death means the discontinuation of this suffering and #i want that. like when i was truly like...Wanting To Die. abt to do it. etc. id listen to one song #loudly . w my headphones. and the detail and emotion etc would sink in . and like id just be lost in sound #and then living was worth it again just to hear another song #im convinced if the music quality was any lower and the noise cancelling was any worse i wouldnt be #left alone with the music in the way i was which means i wouldnt be alive #like music saved my life and im sure it saved a lot of peoples lives but specifically the thing that channeled the music to me .. #its an object but i am thankful to it #those were the xm3s and now i have xm4s which r even better but i literally think of those xm3s every day like truly i miss them #im sorry i lost you :( u got me through so much #i took better care of those headphones than i did of any other possession i have ever owned i think #the only imperfection on them after yrs and yrs was a few holes in the fabric from my cat #deciding to make bread In The Headphones once #i stopped her but she still left her mark 😔 but it added charm and a story to the headphones so its ok

[synthshenanigans]

there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)

Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos

#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn #also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw] #but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter #as for the shipping thing #i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man #my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it #also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it #im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around #this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes #tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small #place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart] #I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense #or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner #ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good #just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways #again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like #just be groovy #sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now #im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place #again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in #its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in #im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol #idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here #again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again #also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense #shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol #moss rants #[atlas asks]

[whomturgled]

:^(

#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^ #thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too #n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but #also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH #n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl #just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh #to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha #anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE #but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like #an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse #its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow #i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee #but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others #like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺 #im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh #instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some #of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess #idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad #for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow #and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea #YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future #whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now. #god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u #feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr #It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!

[bloodyke]

next person to bring up project 2025 to fearmonger support for genocide joe is getting blown up i cannot stand you bitches

#zenith.txt #yall know NOTHING #you only have 1 talking point and its never worked #if you want people to vote you need to give them something to vote FOR not something to vote against or else all arguments are meaningless #second of all who the fuck do you think is currently laying the groundwork for project 2025? its literally biden #all the shit you fear is gonna happen is ALREADY STARTED UNDER HIS PRESIDENCY #third of all you all sound like fucking GHOULS when you say 'yeah genocide is bad but if we dont vote itll inconvenience ME this time' #what the fuck is wrong with you #joe biden will not get a second term that is a fact and it will be his own fault #if you guys ACTUALLY cared about these issues you would be mobilizing in your communities instead of yelling vote blue no matter who #its the fact that weve known about project 2025 for a whole year now but yall are only just now bringing it up bc people #are criticing biden more than ever and it scares you that your precious status quo is being challenged #legitimately fuck all of you trying to weaponize the fears of marginalized communities #the privilege in saying that under repubs things will get worse... #itll get worse FOR YOU. all of the things you worry about finally affecting YOU are literally already fucking happening #to black and brown (particularly black and brown disabled people) for DECADES #and im saying this from a place of privilege being white myself #yes i am a gay disabled puerto rican but i am white first and have been able to for the most part avoid a lot of the shit that has been #KILLING my family and the people in my communities #all of the things youve been saying will happen in project 2025 are things i have already fucking watched happen to the people around me #the only difference between now and this hypothetical project 2025 is now it will effect white people too #and thats the only reason yall even fucking care about it because now YOUR life is going to terrible and YOU cannot ignore it anymore #everything you criticized trump for biden and his team also does. #yall are so fucking pathetic wringing your hands and spouting the lie of electoralism but you refuse to do anything #that could enact meaningful change beacuse the point is you guys dont actually want change #the only thing yall want is to have people stop talking about all of this so you can continue to walk around with your head down #and not be inconvenience in your daily life bc you actually enjoy the status quo #saying you have to vote for the wolf in sheeps clothing over the wolf is not fucking better they are the exact same thing #and its time yall opened your fucking eyes to the world around you #'i domt support genocide but-' THERE IS NO BUT HERE.

[1prodigy1]

All desire for gentleness goes out the window I guarantee it

#the reason I love gomens and the flag of death (keeping my lunacy out of the maintags like a boss) is because it is gentle. and kind #and the reason why I avoid shows like the heart stopping one is because I do not need a story of realized queerness and the sudden frenzied #passion that comes with it is because I love a story about love. not just queer sexuality for its own sake (that sounds worse than I meant) #BUT HANNIBAL CAN BE BOTH!!! #because it’s about love and becoming and the metaphor for sexuality is becoming a monster and Other #BECAUSE WHAT GAY PERSON HASNT FELT LIKE THIS WHEN THEY REALIZE HOW FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT THEY ARE!!!!!?!!!?! #and it is passionate but it has a gentleness that matches my other old queers in love shows #crazy of me to say but I think the lack of sex scenes in HANNIBAL ENHANCES THE PASSION IN A WAY IT DOESNT FOR TEEN DRAMAS. #teen dramas are v important too but there has to be more than being queer and in love than that yknow? #and that’s really all a lot of straight people see gay men as which is sad #it’s based on a stereotype that while true in some instances has definitely dehumanized gay men in their eyes #not to say sex is bad because it’s not!!!!!! #it’s wonderful!!!! but it doesn’t have to be a pageant every time in every show depicting young hot gay men #I lost my thread goddamn. #tldr; I love my gentle shows depicting queer love stories earnestly… but I love passion IN A VIOLENT FORMAT #that’s how I felt as a kid trying to find my footing yknow???

[red-dyed-sarumane]

thinking about ocs like damn i do NOT put these guys in enough situations. like yes most of them are mentally unwell in some form but thats not enough. nothing feels heavy enough tho so idk

#like void i say voids been thru the horrors but really im like idk it could be worse for them actually #see like. saying they lost their entire personality & everything they had sounds bad. #but in execution its like idk man its sad but idk if its truly a horror worth that name #or like the trio yeah they had everything going for them until an outsider started a compaign against them #& left them with nothing & got them all killed bc fighting back would be 'proving the outsider right' so to speak #& theyve lived in isolation for centuries afterwards out of barely concealed resentment #but i guess it could be worse #or amaryllis. feeling like no one care about her & proving herself right by disappearing in a storm #& becoming nothing more than a local myth without even being searched for #like thats going to do some damage for a person i would think. #technically one person does go look for & find her but its not even anyone she knew or was 'close to' before #so she's still got a lot of Feelings about the whole ordeal #theres a lot more but idk i just feel like it should worse for them.

[elibeeline]

I love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job i love my job

#/sar #all the customers have been assholes #two refused to park aside. with is a lot worse than it sounds when i was staving off a panic attack #and they were glaring and arguing and raising their voice #its cuz they think they'll be forgotten but we're not out to ruin their day or anything. it's not a personal attack. #(except when it was. they were being pissy about 'make sure its hot yeah? are all my sauces in there? and my straws? give me my napkins.') #(which is fucking. dont do that. look in the fucking bag first. he was being an asshat so when i saw his second order was almost there #i parked him anyway rather than waiting like ten seconds) #(and one of the guys today! i told him we were waiting for his food so could he park in the bay. he asked for some small stuff #which i gave him and then reminded him. and then he snapped 'well can i have my food then?' and like???? what do you think we're waiting on) #there was something in the air today. it was like that the entire shift so far. #and ive still got two and a half hours

[collisiondiscourse]

helloooo!! sorry for the recent inactivity guys especially with comms and other art posts. im gonna be on break for a little for health issues as i recently had to be brought to the ER unfortunately haha... oops. ill get back to comms as soon as possible though and will hopefully be able finish them by next month!!

#codi.txt #ouddjs also dont worry! its not nearly as bad as it sounds and it hurts a lot worse than it actually is

[aturinfortheworse]

When Chekhov lies down on the floor with his front legs under him and his back legs to one side, he reminds me of a quokka. I don't really understand why. I've heard other people say possum or wallaby. Wallaby is the only one that seems to make sense: they at least have big hind legs.

I kept hesitating when I go to tell people about it, though, because I wasn't sure a quokka was the animal I'm thinking of. Saw one on Instagram today and I think it is that. (Still don't understand why. Is it because he's so bottom-heavy?) Doesn't matter now. Won't need to know.

#animal death cw &(;:$ #im okay right now as I write this post #I've been mostly okay a lot of the time tbh #except for Thursday when I was waiting for them to take his body away #but anyway it's morning and the nights are the worst #(at night usually it's just the two of us. I havent actually spent a night alone here in ten years. its even worse than it sounds actually) #but mostly I've been generally okay. considering.

[feywildfox]

Mm i left bandom space a long long time ago. I mean I'm not that old but ten years ago is still pretty long. And frankly if i overstep lemme know.

Honestly at this point i shouldnt be surprised so many people are actually still inherently racist towards Ray, but also i think, i should be. Because i genuinely expected better from mcr bandom, but again, left bandom spaces a decade ago...

It's pretty sad? Like. I'll admit, I didn't realize Ray was actually a man of colour when i was younger. I think i realized right around the time i left at 15 or so. Which also really goes to show that racism towards him and making him seem as white as possible which definitely i think was a thing. Like in comparison, I knew pete wentz was mixed long before i figured out Ray was a poc. It says a lot about the space at the time and i had honestly thought it'd be better now.

I've loved mcr for years, but i havent been IN love with them for a while. It happens, relationships and feeling wax and wane. But this tour, the excitement and love recently ignited in not just Gerard with all their gender fuckery, but the whole band, has brought a love and joy back into my life for music that hit me in the heart as a preteen and teenager.

And none of that would be possible without Ray Toro putting his all into the feelings and conveying of in his music. Mikey made the band, but ray MAKES the band. He is absolutely fucking integral and it is disgusting & disheartening to see him treated such a way. What the fuck even, hearing that streamers are zooming in on frank during Rays solos?? Like do the fuck better? I'm honestly disappointed as fuck in that shit. Like I know this whole thing is a little disjointed stream of consciousness type post but really. White people do better challenge! Its literally SO fucking easy. The real camera guys are RIGHT THERE showing what to fucking do!

You can love the others as much as you want but jesus fuck give Ray the same fucking courtesy. Stop ignoring your racism, start recognizing the issues that plague you from being white and growing up in white privilege. I sure as fuck still have plenty of shit to work on but at least i can say i can do the bare fucking MINIMUM of giving Ray Toro the respect and attention he absolutely fucking deserves.

Like I do hope this is understood I am not trying to speak over anyone but simply say from one white to another: you need to do better. If that's how you treat a member of supposedly one of your fav bands, i genuinely fear for the poc you encounter in your life. The harm you cause by staying blind may be incremental but it builds up until it's a mountain. Do fucking better.

#not the picturesque emo #fans #its 1 am so this is not. the modt coherent thing but i hope it gets the point across as someone who has been outside of bandom space #i mever realized how big an issue it was but honestly i should have known #im not going point at myself as a pure example of what to do because honestly ive loved mcr from a distance for a while #i have always loved them all but literally its ridiculous coming back ten years later #and finding out that yeah no. rays apparently or whatever the fuck #like uh what. emo is a style #its a sounds a love language a voice for people an expression #sure there are certain clothes or jewelry or makeup that can play into it but NONE of that actually means shit #because it can be turned corpo and ripped up and spat back all sanatized. ray is emo. ray is a man of colour. he's a rock god on the guitar #NONE of that is mutally fucking exclusive! ray toro is just as important as anyone else in the band #ray toro deserves SO much respect and he does NOT deserve to have people claim they are of mcr then treat him like that #you are not an mcr fan you are a pretentious racist asshole who needs to check ther privileges at the fucking gate thank you #fox squawks #im tired and angry now and im sorry to all the poc in the fandom who have to deal w this on a constant basis you all deserve a lot better #im sure yall feel way worse than i do and i genuinely hope people can realize the shit theyve been doing. #i am always happy to go toe to toe w other dumbass white ppl and call them out on their bs #i dont see it because i curate my dash to the point drama is usually a mild breeze at best but i am more than willing to #weaponize my whiteness to force other white ppl to think. if you gotta point me at em do it idc. like a lil attack chihuahua or something. #idk #im lagging now but my fingers dont want to stop typing bc i am nervous abt posting this but yknow. whatever if i fuck up i learn & move on! #we Do Not succumb to white guilt we gracefully say im sorry for that thank you for pointing it out even though you didnt have to i know its #exhausting to do constantly i will keep that in mind and then we do! and we modify our behavior! and we DO. BETTER