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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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Favored Ones, Part 2. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who's deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it's crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there's way more to the relationship that one would've guessed.

A/N: AM I STARTING TO FALL FOR THIS FIC? OMG STOP ME? SEND HELP.

Warnings: Ain’t much, but it is honest work.

Word count: 2.1 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

Six months prior events of the hunt, April 2038:

You never thought of an ideal man or that ideal life, having some children of your own or whatever. You never thought of that American dream, if you want to address it like that. The new American dream, most likely the global dream when you think about it, was to survive all of the bullshit that keeps coming.

But sometimes, you start to be curious about someone without you even noticing your behavior. You try to have much longer eye contact with them, laughing at those pretty dumb jokes and sayings they used. You tried to be in their presence every time you possibly could.

Sometimes it gets pretty crazy as you start to understand your behavior and your feelings - and the worse it actually is when you feel soft for is a complete moron.

And so, that's how your terrible crush on Joel Miller, local old jackass, started.

You could exactly name the year, month, day and hour when he and his daughter of some sort, now your best friend Ellie, came into your life. The first time you saw him, you thought to yourself that he is just a typical cynical old moron - and that you had already enough of these in your town.

Something moved inside of you when you took Sadie for a short walk around Jackson - and he was sitting on the terrace, smiling at Ellie and playing a slow song on some old guitar the others gave him.

Ellie just sat there, curled into a tight ball with a bar of beer in her hand, as soon as she saw you, she jumped on her feet and joined you on your walk - that was a year ago. And since that, you watched his face intensely during every tactical meeting about visiting a city, you smirked when he said something which was ironical and whenever there was an option to go out with his little kindergarten, you were there on your horse with your knife behind your belt.

Did he even know who you were except that you were going out to the forests with him? Oh, dear, that is a story worth telling.

Joel didn't let you know, but he remembered your face really well - you were, of course, Y/N, Ellie’s' loudest and most impulsive friend she had until that day. You were a pain in his ass every time he was scheduled to go out with you. No matter how good you were with a knife (and let me say that you saved his ass a few times when Clicker was about to crack his head up), you still acted like an annoying little brat.

He would never say that he hates you, no. But he would never say that he likes you. You just existed by his side in the city he was living in, that was all that he cared about.

And you were sure that the feelings will disappear sooner or later, it was just a dumb guy and that situation was ridiculous. But as January and February passed away, nothing changed.

So there you were, sitting next to Sadie in the grass, eating an apple, chatting with Ellie and watching after Joel’s kindergarten of the young people he was teaching about surviving. There were a few boys around sixteen, which was almost ten years younger than you, who were just dicks.

The only thing they were doing there was trying to get your attention because you were indeed an interesting girl, and to annoy the old man. You were there to enjoy the feeling of freedom and nature around you.

“And what about Y/N?” - One boy turned his face to look at you. They were talking about bows, how to catch the chord the best way, the angles of shooting and the power needed. They completely threw you off rails, because you sat next to Ellie in the back, talking about how much you are looking forward to the sweet potatoes which should be ready to be reaped next month.

“I bet she could show us some of that bow shooting, couldn't she?” - Another one said and you felt on your tongue as you wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up.

“Leave her be. She cant shoot from a bow. But if you will shut your mouth and watch, maybe you'll be able to shoot yourself, son.” - Joel mumbled in his deep voice, not even looking up to you.

Your cheeks went red as you furrowed at that man. What a rude jackass move. Yeah, maybe you weren’t able to shoot from a bow, nobody had ever taught you how to, but you were a fucking psycho with a knife. And Joel knew it.

“Jesus Christ, fuck him. That wasn't polite to me at all.” - You said to Ellie when you rode on Sadie’s back at the end of your small caravan. - “And I should be practically bowing in front of that guy? Fuck that too.” - You spoke fast and quietly so Joel couldn’t understand you.

“Come on, baby. You know that Joel didn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You know he’s not good with his words.” - Ellie rolled her eyes to the back of her head, only laughing at your situation.

“Maybe. But this is the third time something like that happened - and third time’s the charm. I will need someone who will teach me, how to shoot from a bow.” - You rose your eyebrows. That was the most devilish plan ever. - “And then I will have a competition with Joel. We will see who is the worse one.”

“Good luck then. The only people who can shoot from a bow is me, Joel and Jesse.” - Ellie looking behind her and chuckled again. - “Like... More people can do something with a bow, but I would definitely not call that shooting.”

Well, fuck you then. You couldn’t stand when Jesse was trying to teach you something because he spoke to you like you were fucking five - so every time he started with THAT tone of his voice, you were ready to explode. Ellie could teach you some things, maybe, but she would make a pure comedy out of that. Your tummy would constantly hurt from laughter. So the only rational option at the moment was Joel.

And you didn't fucking know if that’s the worst thing that could happen or if it is the best thing ever. You couldn’t but smile at the thought of Joel teaching you how to shoot, so the student could overcome its professor in the end.

So you were trying to raise the courage in you for the next two days and let me say that it wasn’t anything easy. Only after a shot of vodka which Jesse had hidden under his bed you could just come up to Joel’s door and knock on it. Ellie wasn’t at home that day - you were about to meet up with her that evening to have a watch on the city’s walls.

Right now, she went for her newly sewed, repaired pants to Mrs. Jefferson to the end of the town, which should take her something about half an hour. Enough time for you to ask Joel the information needed.

“What the hell are you doing at my doorstep?” - Joel asked even before he opened the door and watched you down with a silent stare. - “Something happened? You won’t make it in the next session in the forest?” - He was asking you, but he only did that for decency’s sake; he did not care at all.

“No, I was thinking about the bows.” - You said in the same tone of voice. You were staring each other down like the looks could kill. This was clearly competition for you - and you didn't mean to lose. You had to show Joel that you weren’t weak at all.

“Oh. The bows.” - Joel furrowed you like you were a fucking psycho. He was fucking lost when it came to you - your run of thoughts was a mystery to Joel. - “What about the bows? What’s wrong with them?”

Damn, you two were acting like children. You spoke in weird sentences and you felt like nothing was making too much sense when you spoke with Joel.

“I can’t shoot from it. That’s what’s wrong with them.”

“Oh. Okay. Why should I care?” - Joel raised his eyebrows. You nodded and raised your eyebrows, making a thoughtful face at him.

“You should care because I need a teacher.” - That was when you smiled at him. You didn't drink so often, so the vodka made you hella loose. Maybe it was way more than one shot, you didn't have a single idea how stupid are you going to behave. So far so good, you thought to yourself.

“So that is what you came here to tell me?” - Joel hugged the doorframe with one of his huge palms and looked you in the face. - “I should find you a teacher? Girl, I think that you’re a bit confused because I’m hella sure that finding you a teacher isn’t my job at all.”

“Oh, I did not mean that you should find me someone who will be teaching me, hot to shoot an arrow.” - You giggled and shoved a trickle of your hair behind your each. - “I want you to be my teacher.” - That’s what made Joel sincerely laugh.

You silently prepared yourself for Joel saying you to fuck off. He was so close to it, yet it seemed that you really are into learning about bows.

“Yeah. Fine. Tomorrow, seven in the morning, the gates. Be there on time, young blood.” - Joel smiled and closed the door, leaving you there. But you started to smile when you realized that you will have scheduled alone time with Joel himself. Even though he was a total asshole at times, it made your day.

The next morning, you were there even ten minutes sooner - and Joel came ten minutes later. He just let you sit there for twenty minutes. Motherfucker. Maybe he hoped that you will change your mind - but you had your goals set straight.

You could see that he’s still a bit sleepy, but his beard was cut short again - it was there, but it was way shorter. People with crushes notice such bullshits, that’s normal, don’t worry.

“I got a present for you.” - Joel said in a cold, raspy voice and you excitedly opened your eyes. - “It ain't much, but at least it’s something.”

With that, he gave you a completely normal, training bow. Everybody always only borrowed them, but he was giving you one of your own. - “But if you will not take the training seriously, I will take it away from you.”

With that, you just left Jackson. He took you on nearby training grounds - the first day you ever tried it was terrible. You basically didn't shoot once from that bad boy - arrows just fell down from your palms and Joel knew that he’s going to need a lot of patience with you.

The first weeks were not that enjoyable as well - he had such a jackass rude commentary to your actions and you just tried to murder him with your stares, still thinking that he is sexy as fucking hell.

But one day, the fall was just about to start, it somehow broke down and you started to joke around. Your skills were getting better faster and faster - soon enough, you could shoot from fairly far away and you didn’t miss most of the time, which made Joel enjoy your lessons even more.

As another month passed, he decided that it is the right time to start hunting with you in the forest. These ones were moving, but you adjust over time. And sometimes, you even hunted something down - like a squirrel, a hare or a rabbit.

You weren't that bad after all - he pretty much liked talking to you most of the time. And even if you were sometimes loud and impulsive, you could be smart when the situation needed it. But you weren't exactly his most favorite person on the planet still.

And you were slowly realizing that this surreal crush isn’t going away anytime soon because you made it just worse for your own fucking sake.

#joel miller #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel x y/n #the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #the last of us imagine #joel miller imagine

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dayasbun · 5 years

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Fame - Angus Cloud (6)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 {reading now}

“Okay! So all we’re doing today is the makeout scene, sound good?”

You and Angus nodded, both sitting on the poster bed with cameras surrounding you.

“What did I do?” He muttered to you for the tenth time that afternoon, and just like the other nine times, you didn't respond. Just hours before, Z had properly informed you of Angus’s secret girlfriend, someone he clearly had a thing with-but made sure to tell you nothing of.

THAT MORNING...

“Z!” You rushed over to her, your eyes wide as Storm came up beside you two.

“You have to film in an hour don’t you?” Zendaya questioned, quickly pulling out her phone. You nodded giving Storm a quick smile.

“Yeah, and you already know what I have to film-”

“Mmmmm right, you gotta make out with Angus, trust me we know. Everybodys talking about it, they won’t let us on set to watch y’all though, we tried.”

“I can’t stand you two,” You laughed shaking your head “Anyway, you know why I’m here. What you find out about Angus? That you texted me about last night? And make it quick, I gotta go to hair and makeup in a bit.”

“I’m debating if we should tell you before or after you film your scenes��”

“You basically already told her Ms. Blabbermouth, so just tell her the full thing.” Storm said to Z with a shrug.

“I am not a blabbermouth! I think its just right that she knows!”

“Then tell me Daya, come on!”

“Okay, okay. So my social media is set up so that when someone is following me I can see who follows them that I also follow without even clicking on- this doesn’t make sense, anyway! This girl followed me and the only person following her that I also follow was Angus. I didn’t think much of it, shes public so I wanted to check out her pictures cuz I was bored. She doesn’t have that many followers, but this girl is hot. Like I’m not even gay and she’s fine as hell, that’s why I was going through her pictures because she was just so gorg-”

“She’s pretty, I get it, can we move on?”

“Oh- Sorry. So yeah, I’m scrolling and I get to this picture of her on some man’s lap right? You cant see his face or anything, and there’s no tag. This was posted last month by the way. So there’s no tag or caption, but guess who commented?!”

“Wild guess, Angus?”

“Exactly! And guess what he said?”

“I don’t have time or patience for guessing right now-”

“He commented- and I quote, ‘Baby I miss you, sit on my lap again’ with those nasty thirst trap emojis! So I’m like wait a minute! And I’m going through her pictures now for a whole other reason. I find out they been dating since 2017 and she has a million pictures with him on her page all booed up but get a load of this- she literally never tags him. She always tags this other guy named Steve.”

You let out a huff and crossed your arms. “That’s fucked up. Real fucked up.”

“Yeah, I kn-”

“But I am not going to let it affect me today. I have to make out with him either way for our scene, so being petty isn’t necessary. I’m going to go on that damn set, and I won’t say a single word to him unless it’s on the fucking script!”

NOW...

“And...action!”

Angus let out a long sigh before jumping into the scene for the seventh time. You could tell it was bothering him why you were suddenly giving him the cold shoulder due to it affecting his performance as being Fez. You wanted to feel bad, but who just decides it’s cute to lead practical double lives? You tried to move the topic out of your mind so you wouldn't feel completely livid again and focused on the scene in front of you.

“Don’t do that girl, you got me fucked up.”

“Don’t do what? This?” You bit your lip and moved closer to him.

“You just tryna get some today ain't you?”

“I've been trying to get some since when I came back last week, Fez. But I’m glad you finally decided to notice.”

“Lemme gives you some then, come ‘ere.”

You got onto his lap wrapping your legs around his waist, just like you had the night before. You looked into his eyes and you felt your heart melt, and at this point, you didn't know if you were in character or if this was just you.

But then you remembered you were most likely the side chick.

Your facial expression hardened a bit, not enough for the cameras to pick it up, but you knew Angus noticed. Before he could ask you what was wrong or what he did for the eleventh time and ruin the scene, you pressed your lips to his and kissed him deep.

“Fuck baby...” he groaned into your mouth, his hands working their way up and under your shirt to cup your breasts. Once his large hands reached them, he gave them a nice squeeze causing your breath to hitch as you bounced a little.

Yeah, sure you were mad at him right now...but you loved that shit.

You grinned a bit wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing him down onto the bed. “You want me Fez?” You moaned out in a breathy tone, pulling your shirt over your head.

“Fuck yeah I want you girl, take this shit off for me.”

As you slowly unclipped your bra, you specifically remembered that at this point in the script he was to say ‘Jess’, not girl. But of course, the one-time {yesterday} you wanted him to say girl he had to say Jes-

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by a sudden “Cut!” from the crew. Letting out a breath you got off of Angus’s lap and clipped your bra. “Good stuff guys, we need Daya and Hunter next so if you see ‘em remind them its time for their scenes in about thirty minutes.”

You nodded putting your shirt back on, and trying to rush off of the set before Angus could catch up to you- but you failed.

“Aye,” he said walking by you “What's good?”

You shrugged. “I don’t really know what's good.”

“Why you acting like this, all different and shit. It’s on god starting to weird me out, what's the dealio wit’ you?”

“Just fuck off.”

Angus raised a brow and stopped walking. Thinking you finally had gotten him to leave you alone, you slowly walked to your trailer but ran into Jacob on the way.

“Hey!” You said softly. You hadn't exchanged many words with him over the time you'd been filming, but every time you had, he had been sweet and polite. The run down with Jacob was that he was talented and cute...that's about all you knew.

The conversation between you and Jacob was brief but pure. He asked you some questions about filming and you told him about how much you loved his performance in the show. Soon enough he reached his trailer and you two parted ways, leaving you alone as you walked to yours.

You stayed more focused on your phone that your surroundings, leading to you not realizing that Angus wasn't far behind you. As soon as you stopped walking and leaned against the side of your trailer, you felt someone in front of you. Looking up from your phone your eyes widened, why the fuck was he still here?

“Angus what the fu-”

“So you think you can talk to me like that?”

Suddenly feeling shy, your voice and confidence lowered. “I was playing...”

“And you think you can just flirt with anybody and everybody?”

“What are you-”

“Imma tells you something, so imma need you to listen to me real clear.”

You swallowed and nodded, looking up at him.

“Ion think you know this yet so imma let you know.” He placed his thumb on your cheek. “You mine, got it? Not Jacobs, not anybody fucking elses, mine.”

You almost couldn't believe the words you were hearin-

“Uh, Y/N, you good?” Jacob asked you. Quickly snapping out of it you nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine thanks.” What a hell of an imagination you had. You took a quick glance behind you and saw no one at all. Letting out a sigh you said goodbye to Jacob and walked into your trailer. As soon as you closed the door you heard a ding that was specially set for your male costar.

Angus☁️: come to my trailer. now.

and why should i do that?

Angus☁️: now Y/N im not fuckin around

im busy

Angus☁️: busy my fucking ass im fr

alr but don't expect me to stay.

Angus☁️ read at 1:34 PM

And even though you didn't quite know what was up yet, just from the texts you could tell that Angus was not happy.

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

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wdwimagine · 6 years

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here - JA.

pairings: reader x jack avery

warnings? nahhhhh.

summary: things have been rough between you and jack and when he leaves to go on tour you think it’s over.

requested? nope.

As if he left me here. Left me here looking like an absolute idiot. I cant believe he forgot we had a date tonight.

I sighed to myself, starting my car. Tonight had been a disaster of epic proportions. Having not seen my boyfriend in two weeks I actually thought he would remember that we had a date tonight. But clearly that was not the case.

I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and was about to make my way home when I decided that I would rather go and give me boyfriend a visit. Hopefully, he won’t lie right to my face and he’d be able to understand how unbelievably pissed off I am.

Two months. He’s going on tour for two whole months, and I won’t be able to see him for majority of that time. It felt like he had ripped my heart out and set it on fire because he missed our date. Many people would say I’m overreacting but I don’t think I am, he’s never done this before and honestly it hurts.

I pulled up outside the compound, making sure to rub my eyes so that it didn’t look like I had been crying. I got out of my car and took in a deep breath, now was the time for confrontation and I’m not good at that. I composed myself before walking over to the door, ringing the doorbell.

“(Y/N)?” Jonah said opening the door, confusion vividly shown all over his face.

“Hey, I was just wondering if Jack’s in?” I replied trying to make it seem like I wasn’t pissed. I didn’t want the boys knowing about our private life, I don’t know why.

“Um, yeah come in.” Jonah replied moving out of the way. I followed him into the house and walked towards the kitchen where Corbyn and Zach were sat eating some noodles. They both greeted me and I smiled in response, asking them the same question that I had asked Jonah.

“I think he’s upstairs.” Corbyn replied. “Packing for tomorrow.”

“Okay, thanks.” I replied before walking upstairs towards Daniel and Jack’s room. I knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. Daniel opened the door and smiled at me.

“Oh, hi, (Y/N).” He said before he moved past me and downstairs. I walked into the room too see Jack laying on his bed on his phone.

“Hi.” I said taking a step towards him. He looked up at me and locked his phone.

“Oh, hey babe. What are you doing here?” He asked sitting up.

“Really?” I scoffed. “We had a date tonight, Jack. A date that you completely forgot about.”

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry, (Y/N).” He replied walking past me and towards his open suitcase. “I’ve just been so busy packing for tour and making sure everything is going smoothly.”

“I understand that Jack, I really do. But it hurts because you didn’t even text me, you just forgot about me. It’s like you never have time for me anymore.”

“Really?” He asked, clearly getting slightly angry. “I never have time for you? (Y/N), I barely have time for myself anymore! I have priorities and I try to see you as much as I can! Don’t act like this is all completely my fault!”

“Jack!” I said raising my voice slightly. “I understand that you live in this fast-paced world but I don’t. And to be honest, it’s getting annoying that I have to make time for you yet you can barely make any time for me. I feel like I put in so much time in this relationship but only on your call!”

“We both make time for each other!”

“Really? Jack, I was meant to go to my brothers football match tonight but I scrapped it because I wanted to spend time with you because I’m not going to see you for two months. And what do you do? Forget about our date. Forget about me!”

“You’re being ridiculous!” He yelled. “Try living under this stress! I am going on tour tomorrow, I don’t have time to breathe because I’m so preoccupied! You don’t have to cancel your plans for me!”

“But I do it because you’re my boyfriend!”

“You don’t have too! Maybe sometimes we need a little break from each other.”

“We have a lot of breaks, Jack! I haven’t seen you for two weeks!” I yelled. This was getting ridiculous, all I wanted to do was talk but things clearly got heated too quickly. Our differences were being laid out on the table and there was nothing either one of us could do about it.

“You’re stressing me out!” Jack yelled taking a seat at the end of his bed. “I don’t need this! Not now!”

“Fine.” I mumbled. “Have fun on tour, Jack.”

“Thank you.” He mumbled in response. Both of us didn’t look at each other, I simply walked out of his bedroom and back downstairs where I was greeted by the faces of Daniel and Zach.

“Leaving so soon?” Zach asked.

“Yeah.” I replied. “Have fun on tour guys.”

“Thanks.” Daniel replied. “Will we be seeing you at any shows?”

“I don’t know. Bye guys.”

“Bye.” They both responded. I gave them a small wave before walking out of their house and towards my car. Getting in so I could go home and forget about the events that had just happened.

—

It was later the same evening and I had a relaxing bath, eaten my weight in ice cream and cried a little bit to myself. Now I was sat on my bed, in my pyjamas watching Full House on Netflix. Why couldn’t I have a love like Becky and Uncle Jesse.

“Hey.” My mom said walking into the room after coming in from work. I smiled at her in response, focusing my attention back on my tv. “How was the date.”

“I wouldn’t know.” I replied. “He didn’t show up.”

“What?” She asked taking a seat next to me on my bed. “That doesn’t sound like Jack at all.”

“Well when I confronted him about it he said it’s because he’s stressed for tour.”

“Oh sweet.” Mom said stroking my hair, pulling me into a hug. “He just wants everything to be perfect and I’m sure you understand that. He shouldn’t have stood you up but I don’t want you two leaving things on a bad note for two months.”

“Well I cant speak to him.” I replied, letting a few tears slip. “He’s leaving for the airport at seven tomorrow morning.”

“I’m sure both of you will come to your senses.”

—

I was woken up the next morning by a tapping noise. I groaned, rolling over to try and block whatever noise this was, out. Its too early for this. The tapping noise continued, I looked at the time on my phone to see that it was five thirty am. No, this is not happening. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep when I saw something hit my window. I quickly stood up and looked outside, only to see my boyfriend throwing small rocks at my window from outside.

I immediately ran downstairs, trying not to wake any of my family memebers up. Even though I was emotionally drained, I felt very energetic as I opened the door, greeting the face of the boy who had my heart.

“You’re here.” I mumbled, closing the front door behind me. I stepped out on to the porch in the pitch black with my boyfriend who was directly across from me.

“Of course I am.” Jack replied. “Do you really think I would go away, leaving us on a bad note?”

“No, of course not.” I replied, following his actions as the two of us sat on my doorstep. “But why are you here?”

“I wanted to apologise. Yesterday, it shouldn’t have happened. I said some things that I shouldn’t have said. I acted like a jerk. I was just stressed out and I took it all out on you, which wasn’t fair. You’re right.”

“I am?”

“Yes. You made realise that whenever we do go out on dates, or whenever you come over to the house, or whenever I see you in general it’s because of what I say we should do. You always make time for me and I never have time for you, I’m sorry.”

“Jack, I understand. You’re an artist, it’s what you do. Sometimes, just sometimes, I would like you to be the one who rings me up and says hey let’s go on a date. But I know how busy you and the boys can get. You live this incredibly fast-paced life and I just can’t keep up. I try too. But sometimes it doesn’t work.”

“I know, babe, I know. I’m going to try and be better at making time for you and spending more time with you. Starting now.”

“Starting now? Don’t you need to leave for the airport soon?”

“Yes. But I want you too come with me.”

“Jack.” I gasped. “I don’t have a ticket. I cant just leave my house at five thirty in the morning and go on tour with you without telling my parents. I cant pack a suitcase up for two months.”

“David’s already sorted the ticket out.” He replied. “But it’s completely up to you. Everything is sorted if you want to come.”

“Jack, my parents -“

“Go.” I heard my mom say. Both Jack and I jumped in surprise, staring at my mother confused. “You woke me up when you ran down the stairs. I heard the whole conversation. If everything is really sorted for you, then go. I think spending two months together will do you both the world of good.”

“Thank you so much, Mrs (Y/L/N).” Jack smiled up at her. It looks like I’m going on tour.

#jack avery imagine #jack avery #jack avery imagines #why dont we #why don’t we #why dont we imagines #why don’t we imagines

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thehalfworld · 7 years

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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 4]

I’m on a roll.

There’s more rape in this one; it’s not really described in detail, though. There are also references to what occurred in the last chapter, and an instance of mostly consensual sexual activity (although it stops short of actual sex).

Recap: Last chapter, Tiaa’s foster parents Dave and Marie left on a trip, leaving her in the care of “Uncle Larry” (Dave’s brother), who promptly began beating and raping Tiaa. After one such incident, she ran off into the woods and encountered a strange man who claimed to be her father before blacking out.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

AN = No flames pls, theres no point!if u dnt like my story dnt read it, its as simple as that!

I never got the whole “don’t like, don’t read” thing. How can you know if you like it if you haven’t read it?

btw atlantiana is NOT marisue be cause look she is NOT perfect and not everyone in the stiry likes her! she has problems and she has flaws and shes UNHAPPY would u like her life?i no i wouldnt, its totally tragic and horible.u flamers arent even makin sense1

Having bad things happen to your character doesn’t make her less of a Mary Sue. Loads of Sues have tragic backstories. Look at Batman.

Chapter 4 - la push

I sat quitely on the la push beech apart form the party that was going on beside me. Mike Nooton was following me round like a pulpy and he was so borin! None of the things he had to say were interesting but I was nice to him because he wasnt a bad guy.

That’s actually pretty in-character for the guy, if I remember the Twilight Saga correctly. He’s nice, but not very interesting. I think Bella even made the puppy comparison at one point.

My thoughts were elsewhere - i could'nt stop thinking about the events of last night, when uncle larry had raped me and I had had my scary vision in the forest and a tall p[ale guy in my mind had cale me his daughter. I didnt understand any of I felt so so awful that I had been rapped by that hideous pervy SICKO when I had bin saving myself for the right guy and for marriage and my virginity was torn from my grasp by that twisted guy, it was so crule and unfair, it made me want to cry

So uh… what happened after she blacked out in the woods? Was her dad gone when she woke up? Did Uncle Larry do anything else to her after she returned home? Did she return home?

"omg MIKE watt are you doing talkin to HER?" I turned round and saw four nasty faces learing at us. It was the chearleaders I had seen in the cafetearia, and one of them was the girl dateing Ewdard Cullen, the brown hare girl who was standing at the back looking moody but not saying anything

You know her name! You’ve called her by name before!

"Stop being mean Jessica" mike said angerly "tiaas' awesome and if you can't see that its just you bein blind and shallow and stupid like your all ways are"

Think this is the author calling out her flamers or what?

"yah I mean look at her clothes, she looks like a stupid goth biaach with her slutty top and short skirt and fithnet tights is she a RAT HOOKER or what?" Jessica screamed.

Man, I love this fic. “RAT HOOKER” is a great insult.

She was realy ugly when she shouted even though she was technology a hot chick and was dressed in skimpy pink clothes.

I don’t remember Jessica that well from the books, but I think she was described as short and a chatterbox. I don't think she was a cheerleader or had a particular fondness for pink. Also she was dating Mike at one point after Bella set them up with each other.

"you no what Jess, you and YOur frends are SO shallow and YOU are the real slut! you and bella and angela and laruen may were short skirts and low cut tops an stuff but that doesnt maek u beautiful! Its watt underneath that counts!" mike shouted

Wait, so are they sluts because they wear revealing clothes or because of their behavior? Because right here it seems like Mike is criticizing them based on how they dress, which is a bit weird when we remember Tiaa also wears revealing clothing (“fishnet top” ring a bell?).

"yah, speakin of witch" said a sly blond girl in the gang who was called lauren, pointing at me "watts with her breasts, they are huge, I bet they are fake!- she laughed and her friends all laughed too even bella and angela who had been quiet until then.

I don’t remember a damn thing about Lauren or Angela but I remember they both existed. One of them was definitely shy but I don’t remember which.

I got up and pushed past them and ran away into the darkness. I cold hear them all laughing at me and i felt so embarrased I was relay sensitive about the waste I looked I hated the fact that it made all girls hate me and all guys stare at me, I would have given anything to be ugly or just inviable. I wasnt stuck up and didnt think I was beta than anyone else because of how I looked I just wanted people to treat me like a normal person! I could'nt help being slim and blond with relay big boobs it wasnt my fault I hadnt done anything wrong!

Remember in chapter 1 when Tiaa talked about how she used to be self-conscious about her appearance but got over it and now doesn’t care what people say about her?

-are u ok?" said someone from beside me

If you don’t have that MCR song playing in your head right now I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

"who arr you?" i asked. 3 realy pretty goth girls were standing there smilin at me and I smiled back

Oh, of course, the Sue’s backup choir.

-we are tyffani, abigaille and rochelle" they said smiling "you seem cool, do you want to be our freinds?"

I like the idea that Tiaa could be multiple friends.

Judging from the names, these three are children of that white mom whose baby name photo went viral on the internet. The one who named her kid Lakynn or something.

"ya of course, i'm just a bit meloncolly cause those horrible chearleaders were bein mean jerks and saying my boobs were fake" i said

"omg, u mean jessica and bellas gang? They hate us too because we dont care what they think" said tyfanni "they are just jealous cause youre the prettiest girl in the school now and theyre all plain next to you but we dont care about stuff like that, we only care about peoples personalities “

“That’s why we made sure to talk about how pretty we think you are.”

"cool" I said, and we talked for hours

I talked to tyfanni, rochelle and abigail for hours and they were so cool.

How long was that again?

I'd never had proper freinds before who didnt care watt i looked like or where I came from they just liked me for me, and I liked them cause they were uber cool and we had loads of stuff in common! But after a while they all went home and I stayed on the beech.

Glad we skipped the scene where Tiaa has fun with her friends so that we can get back to the part where Uncle Larry assaults her again. Nice to see the author prioritizing.

It was getting late but I didnt want to go home to uncle larry in case he raped me on his car again.

Phrasing seems to imply that if he raped her in a different location it would be alright.

Soddenly I heard a voice from behind me.

I hope “soddenly” is an intentional double entendre.

"well tiaa, thou seem to be causing quite a stir at school" his voice was smooth and sexoy and from another time.

Who could this be?

Edward.

Never would have guessed!

"what do you mean!" I demanded

"basically every gay at school wants to have sex with thee, and every girl wants to eat thee alive for it, hows that for causing a stir my lady?" he smiled and kissed my neck.

Wait, every gay at school? Including the gay boys? This girl is powerful.

"shut up jerk! Btw I met youre girlfriend before, bella I think her name is! I dont like her or anything, but how the hell can u cheat on her like that and kiss me how u did? Its sick ur a cheatin bastard and i should tell everyone. Tyfanni told me you and bella are like the schools golden couple or something, watt would happen if I told ppl how you had acted in that corridoor with me?"

Uh… the fic would go in a direction I don’t expect it to and it might be redeemed somewhat by at least being less predictable?

"OMG SWEET LADY! THY MUST NOT TELL ANYONE! " he screamed "it was a moment of madness thats all! Im so so sorry for watt happened,i hope thine can forgive me, but ive promised myself to bella and thats just how it is, no matter how much thou intrests me"

Use of OMG may seem anachronistic, but that abbreviation has actually been in use since the early 1900s, so it’s totally reasonable that Edward might use it. Although probably not out loud.

"fine, then stay away from me " I shouted as I left to go home but he followed me and grabbed me and pushed me down on the grind.

I think he’s sending mixed signals.

I was burning with anger and fury but I wanted him so deafly i didnt even try to resist him.

So deafly?

He new how much i wanted him and it drove me mad. He put his hands inside my panties and i gasped. I was soddenly desperate to sex with him and i tore my clothes off and i was in my underwear.

Again, I hope that’s innuendo, but in this fic it’s actually possible the author thinks “suddenly” is spelled like that.

I took off my bra and showed him my naked heaving beasts.

Nothing turns a guy on like naked heaving beasts!

"have sex with me now edward " I whispered

" i cant " he said, although his body was on top of mine and his fingers touched my nipples

"please, i'm begging you" I said, hating myself for being such a dirty hore but unable to control my burning desire

No one in this fic has any self-control whatsoever, huh?

-NOOOO!" he shouted and ran away crying.

I put my clothes back on slowly feeling so ashamed and embarased i could hardly move. I could'nt beleive i had begged him to do sex on me and even worse he had said no!

Okay, I guess Edward has a tiny bit of self-control. Which is good, as he is a vampire and would probably be eating people left and right if he was totally unable to control himself.

I went home and uncle larry made me cook his dinner and suck his cock while he ate his food and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night and i didnt even complain cos i felt like i deserved it for being such a horrible slut even though it made me want to die inside.

Bread, eggs, milk, squick. Uncle Larry seems more interested in hitting Tiaa than raping her, incidentally.

Uncle larry finally left me alone and I thought about killing myself as i cryed and cryed as i fell slowly into a dreamless sleep.

Aw.

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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joannawillshrink · 6 years

Text

shower thoughts

only this is a thought coming up while watching a Dr Who special called the end of the world part two.

Which I think is a humorous title. End of the world, PART TWO. anyway

The Master character is the baddie and he has a drumming in his head, constantly, driving him crazy. The Doctor says he could help. And the Master replies in a misty voice, “I dont know what I’d be, without that noise.”

Made me immediately think about myself and current life, without my Mom. Like when people lose someone close to them, common advice or like, motivational talk is “go make them proud” and whatnot. And I’m thinking, I wonder if she can see me and see what I’ve become. So bored and depressed and stagnant, different. Because I really do feel very very different. I’m changed. And I dont like it.

But I then went on to think about myself in a break up. How I want the other person to miss me. How I, in a twisted way, think its kindof flattering when someone is fucked up after losing me. Which is partially why I’m having a hard time knowing Jesse is fine and has moved on. Because I want to be mourned more. I want to have more visibly affected him.

And I wonder if, and I’m not saying that my Mom is in any way twisted, or thinking maliciously... this is just my weird thought trail,

But like, if I died and my family were really “fine” quite quickly afterwards, I feel like I’d be a bit bothered! Is that so immature of me? Like of course I’d want them to be functioning and get out there and do their thing, but not like... too soon! I guess everybody copes differently... I feel very out of touch with what other peoples’ lives are actually like. But just, I feel like my world is much more shattered than I was ready for. But is that my fault? For not “getting over it” faster? But Mom was everything, beyond words of worth or value, her love was like gravity. And it was August 9th, 2015 when it happened. Wow, I just had to look up the year. I guess its been longer than I thought? I dont know. I just feel like my processors are broken.

Anyways. I feel like I have so much to unpack about this. “I dont know who I’d be without that noise.” Like, I am now a girl without her Mom. I am Joanna without my Mom. And I dont know who I am. I held on to what I thought was normal, with my relationship with Jesse. But now that ending obliterated the false bonds I had convinced myself were working. The phantom ties.

Theyre gone, and I feel untethered. More purposeless than ever.

When I didnt know who I was before, I leaned against trying to be a good daughter. That was a wall of my definition of self. But now that wall is gone, with her. I still want to be a good daughter, but showing up for her and having her love and friendship is gone. I know the tra-la-la “she’s always with you” but I mean, in real-time, its gone.

And its like, a break up. If you get over it too easily, it kindof seems like it wasnt that big of a deal to you.

But unconditional love is different, right?

I dont even think I know what unconditional love means. I dont think humans are that perfect. I dont think its genuinely possible to unconditionally love someone.

I find it hard to believe that Jesse cared for me that way. I dont think he thinks of me, I think he nothings me. You know? When its like, I dont like you, but I dont dislike you. I nothing you.

I wish I nothing’ed him. I dislike him right now. I dont want bad luck to befall him, but I wish I didnt have to witness his happiness. Because I’m jealous. I want to be happy. When I’m upset and other people are happy I feel like theyre bragging about it, rubbing it in my face. Especially when its a partner or friend, and especially especially when its an Ex.

I used to fear talking to my mom on the phone because if I was sad and needed help or support, she was always more sad. Sadder. And needed MY help. Or if I was happy, and wanted to share it, I was afraid it would sound braggy or she’d feel lesser-than compared to what I had going on. Like, at the beginnings of things with Jesse, I’d mention a detail about kissing or holding hands or something, and she’d get weird about it and throw in some comment about “I wish your father still kissed me” or “goodness, I miss that” or something.

I worry thats rubbed off onto me. If I’m upset, like, deeply bothered, I dont want other people around me to be good at walking away. I want to be seen, and to effect others. If I’m crying I want someone else’s mood to change if they see me or hear my story. I want to be respected for enduring the things that are happening. I feel like when people hear a sad personal tale or listen to what youre feeling at the moment, and get up at the end and are fine and just walk away, its incredibly rude and unfeeling and gross. Offensive, even. Maybe thats playing too much of the victim.

The lawyer in me immediately says “stop wasting your energy trying to get other people to be sad like you, to see you for how sad you are, and use that energy to do something about your own sadness”

but if youre sad, and just put in the energy to make it go away, is that fixing it? or just ignoring it?

is ignoring pain the secret to success? just, get on with it? never let it catch up to you?

I wonder if thats everyones suppressed secret. That they ARE in pain, but just running from it.

I want to be heard and to share my story before I can move on from it. Its like airing out a ghost. Giving it its proper attention and respect so its existence is justified, giving it love, really. I want even the sad parts to be loved.

So when someone just gets up and walks away unphased from a story I’m explaining, I dont feel love or connection or anything at all. It almost adds to the pain itself. Setting it further back down the hill with even more to climb to escape.

I stay in bed a lot. I’m not sure how to air out being upset about my ex Jesse. I want to run my mouth about the shit he was in our relationship. I was lousy too, but different. Definitely no saint, but I understand the quiet spectrum in the motivation of cheaters. Not all cheaters. But I get why some do what they do. Because I seeked out attention from other men, men from my past, because I needed more, but didnt want to give up what could maybe be built with Jesse. I was scared to lose the potential of him. But he behaved so coldly, often cruelly emotionally to me, both in obvious but also very quiet subtle ways, that I needed to be around the energy of men who knew me before all that. Old friends who knew my sparkle. Because I needed to remember it, myself. I wished and wished and wished Jesse saw my sparkle, at the beginning of our relationship I thought he did. Which is why I decided to move to his city from my own, and really give it a try.

But I felt like just another hobby in his life, another thing that needed his precious time. I felt juggled between work, his band, and his motorcycle. Literally, if I saw his eyes light up because he ordered another guitar pedal or motorcycle part, I knew it meant less time/money/enthusiasm for me or our time together. This literally happened, time and time again.

And after losing the one person in my life who I knew I was their everything,

I needed to be loved more. I needed to be loved more than a new amplifier. I needed to have someone look at me and get excited like they would when something new would arrive from Amazon.

I needed to be appreciated for more than just when I was game to have sex.

I needed to have my sparkle be seen and fanned.

So I diminished, and I felt, after a while, that he didnt deserve me. That he didnt deserve my best. So when I traveled or was around old flames or friends who I knew understood me and made me feel great just being me, I gave THEM my best. Which, in black and white on paper, is cheating, and isnt cool.

But my heart needed it. I shouldve broken up with Jesse so much sooner than I did.

But now, we ARE broken up, and I’m super fucked up about it still. I’m glad we’re not together, but in a way like... he treated me this way when we WERE together. Indifferent, not seeing how special I am. How great we could be.

So its like... I guess he’s acting exactly the same. It hurt this much within the relationship, too... but when we were together at least I could yell at him about it. It felt good to yell at somebody for what hurts. His lack of attention still hurts, but now I have no right to get into a fight with him about it.

Its all to be expected. His behavior. He left his wife to be with me. Someone of 8 fucking years. And he never talked about her really. So why should I be surprised that he doesnt talk about me, or miss me, or seem forlorn. He didnt seem forlorn for her. He was barely single. He wasnt single. He jumped right from her to me. And now he’s very shortly on to the next. I really shouldnt be surprised.

It would be easier if he wasnt so entrenched in all the people I know.

Theres always a risk of seeing him out. I wish I was more mature about this. But honestly I’d feel the same even if we were just friends from the start. Its like seeing someone you just simply dont like, regardless of context. If someones a jerk, you dont want them to be where you are.

I may leave Austin. Its weird, being trapped by comfort. My house is pretty good. Like, the shape of the house itself is cute. Theres a porch. Theres a patio, and a coffee shop across the street.

But I dont feel happy here. I have no idea where I’d go. But I’m sick of living in a pot house. EEEVery day its bowl bong weed pot cough cough sneeze laugh lame joke bong bong lame joke bad pun leaving dishes fucking everywhere hoarding objects and never using them leaving dirt and coats and shoes and opened mail and bullshit all over the place.

I feel like I cant bitch because I dont have a job. I’m lazing around sleeping 80% of the day because... of what? Because of sadness, because I dont really want to go out there. I dont want to interact with my roommates who I find annoying. I dont want to take a walk around the neighborhood that I think its pretty boring. I dont want to go to bars and feel less than my past self. Fatter. Older. Uglier. I dont want to go feel my inadequacy proven right. Jesse treated me that way. I moved here five months after my Mom died. Brand new city.

And I didnt get a job. I didnt do a whole lot of anything. And he hated me for it. He didnt understand and it leaked in. It absolutely showed.

So now its February 2018. So many months have passed. And I’m still not doing anything. I just dont want to. I dont know where to get a job here, I dont want to commit my time to something that doesnt feel like anything. I want to exercise but it requires a 15 minute drive to get there. I want to cook but our kitchen is so fucking cluttered it drives me nuts.

Am I too uptight? Like, is this coming off like I cant function unless somethings perfect?

Im sure it sounds that way... I just... feel no spark. When my new roommate cleaned the bathroom and had music going and was doing the shit I normally do, I felt so pleased and relatable, it was marvelous. But then other two roommates come home and toss their coats all over and smoke weed and plop down watching stupid shows, and it just..

Should I try to be more of a leader? Force my way through it and burn my own trail? If theyre watching dumb shit, suggest something better? Take an active interest in life?

I definitely have been passive. I want other people to be interesting. I want to be intrigued by someone’s starting something. Somebody to already have the breadcrumbs laid down and I get to follow them and add to the adventure. I dont know if I have the energy to take the risk of being bold and leading the way, not knowing the caliber of people I’m talking to or bringing with me. Like, I want to spend energy being great around someone I already think is great. I miss having crushes. If I think someone is awesome, I feel like I then get to be super awesome too, in hopes that showing my favorite self, enjoying my own shine... that they’ll notice and enjoy it too.

But like, why shine for boring people? I dont have any interest in that. I dont want to impress people that dont impress me.

That sounds super bitchy but whatever.

Anyways. I’m way off track.

I just remembered that I need to call my Aunt Carol, who I think is mad at me, because she retired today and I’m overdue to call her. I really dont want to but it needs to be done. Calling a family member that you know is disappointed in you is NEVER fun. I feel the weight on my chest already. Okay, gonna call her. I’ll write again soon.

#emotion journal #rant

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