#just a gigolo was by far the most uncomfortable and weird to watch though

[tearlessrain]

I want to get back to my increasingly masochistic hobby of liveblogging shit-tier movies in the middle of the night but I don’t know how I’m ever going to top Dracula: the Dark Prince in terms of sheer incomprehensible fuckery. like. the playmobile-looking thunderclap castle. the script that was very obviously a first draft and sometimes repeated an entire sentence twice in a scene or had the entirely wrong word in the middle of a sentence and the actors just rolled with it. the awkward random cuts to the ambient lesbians. the way all the actors’ facial expressions seem completely detached from what they’re saying. the “traditional hungarian” meal of a costco roast chicken and the kind of fruit platter soccer moms pick up on the way to a potluck. leonardo. how do I move forward.

#if anyone has recs send them my way #with the qualifier of it can't be weird and bad on purpose #the more seriously it takes itself the better #know what bonus points if it has a dude from black sails in it because that's how I found both dracula and scorpion king #bonus bonus points if the dude is zach mcgowan just because I don't get to look at zach mcgowan enough #like someone recced iron sky once and while it WAS a very weird and unpleasant experience #it was clearly doing it on purpose and was overall far too self aware for me to actually enjoy the misery #but if you give me something like eragon we're golden #honestly I should just round up as many jeremy irons movies as I can find the man has the worst taste #no not the worst that honor goes to david bowie #but I already watched all the worst david bowie movies while coping with my parent's divorce which I assure you made sense at the time #did you know he was in two different completely unrelated things called the hunger and both were super weird #just a gigolo was by far the most uncomfortable and weird to watch though #man who fell to earth was also weird and bad but you will see david bowie naked #in a monkey's paw kind of way where first you're going to see rip torn naked #and both scenes are actually quite miserable to watch #so's the rest of the movie but like congrats movie somehow you showed me naked david bowie and all I felt was surreal despair #do not recommend

[seeroftodayandtomorrow]

In Carcere

Chapter 5

Read on AO3

(This chapter is a little darker, because of mentions of the events in “Shooting Star”, and a brief discussion of Bline’s depression.)

Kurt relents, later, as they are lying between sleep and waking, tangled in each others' arms, sated and a little sticky.

“You don't have to, anymore,” he says. “If—if you don't want to.”

He has no idea what time it is. It is still dark outside, but he has a feeling it's closer to morning than night. He doesn't want morning. Morning means he has to go back to New York, leave Blaine behind to face all the awkwardness that will ensue the wedding that wasn't Monday at school.

But there's still a few hours left he can just be here, with Blaine.

But he wants him to know that this is nothing he demands of him, that it isn't anything Blaine has to do. Not anymore.

“I don't have to what?” Blaine says sleepily.

“Wear the cage. I trust you.”

Blaine sits up a little, rubbing his eyes. “But I want to,” he says, quietly, as if afraid.

“Okay,” Kurt says.

He might have, Blaine thinks, agreed just to get out of admitting how much he loves wearing the cage. Once. Not now. Because as he lies there, sated and sleepy, there are three things that make him tell the truth.

Because today, Kurt will go back to New York, and Blaine knows he will need the feeling of security, of being Kurt's, that the cage gives him, to help him over the separation. Not as much as he used to, because he trusts Kurt, but still.

Also, he really, really loves wearing the cage, for multiple reasons, and he's almost over his fear of losing Kurt again. He has the confidence to admit what he wants, now, even if it might be a little embarrassing.

And he's reasonably sure that Kurt likes the cage just as much as he does.

So he says it, without hesitating, if a little quiet, and Kurt says okay, and the confession leads to another round of sleepy, lazy blowjobs, and then he again falls asleep in Kurt's arms.

A little before Kurt has to leave—he is standing in front of the bed, showered and styled and impeccably dressed, while Blaine is still lying there naked, Blaine says,

“Will you lock me in?”

“W-what?” Kurt asks, although of course he has to know what Blaine means.

“Lock me in,” Blaine repeats. “It's the only thing that's always felt wrong, that I did it myself. Please, I want you to.”

So Kurt does.

When Kurt jerks off now, it's that what he sees before him: the key in his hand, Blaine's expression that is helplessly turned on and desperate, the little sound the lock makes as it snaps shut, signalizing finality and that Blaine is undeniably, unequivocally, his.

“You know I spent the whole flight adjusting myself, and seriously thinking of jerking off in the plane bathroom?” he accuses Blaine on the phone that night.

“It must have been pretty bad to get you to consider that,” Blaine laughs, and Kurt nods emphatically.

“You couldn't have told me to lock you in ten minutes earlier, so there would have been time left for a blowjob?”

“An oversight on my part,” Blaine apologizes. “I didn't expect you to get turned on.”

“You didn't.”

“Okay, maybe a little. But...You were only horny, without real opportunity to get relief, for the duration of the flight. Me, on the other hand...”

“Okay, okay,” Kurt laughs. “I see what you mean.”

He may find that kind of denial rather...unpleasant, but he knows there are people—a lot, even—that like it. And as he sees that Blaine might be one of them, he finally does some research.

It's late, he knows. He tried to, once, shortly after they got back together when it was clear (if only from his own body's reaction) that Blaine wearing a cock cage was actually something that would concern him. But there was no escaping the pictures, and it was like watching those movies way back when, and he quickly stopped when he started to freak out.

Now it's different. He still scrolls quickly past the pictures, but now he has seen a caged cock, has touched it (has licked it, felt it twitch against the bars beneath his tongue, and he interrupts his research for some quality time with his own, fortunately uncaged dick). None of the men in the articles look as good as Blaine.

He finds some advice on safety and hygiene, which he takes careful notes on, and then he finds a few things that are eye-opening in another way. One article says that women can't wear chastity for longer periods of time because of hygiene issues, and the writer pities them because of that. And another says that sex has become so much better since he wears a cage, because now he can focus completely on his partner.

Now it's not that Kurt hasn't thought about that. About fucking Blaine while he's wearing the cage, about taking everything he wants and not letting Blaine have anything in return except endless teasing (for there is no way he'd be able to keep his hands off Blaine) and helpless arousal without hope of relief. But he has always felt guilty about it, and it's not even really what he wants: he doesn't want to take from Blaine without giving anything back. But now...seeing that there are people who actually do it that way, and that they like it...it wouldn't be so selfish, maybe, if Blaine liked it. If the endless teasing and helpless arousal were things he wanted.

They might have to talk about it, if he can bring himself to bring it up.

They're snowed in, and in between watching movies (he sings along to Come What May with real feeling) and eating their limited supplies, they find out that Brody is actually a gigolo. Kurt feels bad for Rachel, but can't help but secretly be glad because it means that Brody finally moves out. No naked ass anymore on his vintage flea market chairs, no need for a white noise machine at night for the time being. But he tries to be more circumspect about his new bliss with Blaine, until he notices that Rachel is more frustrated than heartbroken. The loft is less crowded now, too, with just him and Rachel and Santana, and he is determined that the next one who moves in will be Blaine.

Blaine wonders how- if—to bring it up every time he talks to Kurt. Maybe it might be best to not talk about it at all and just hope for the best when they next see each other. But it would be so hot. But wouldn't it be weird? Isn't it weird to want this?

He nods sympathetically as Kurt rants once more, though probably for the last time, about Brody. Blaine feels more with Rachel, actually, but then he isn't the one who had to live with Brody and listen to everything from their corner of the loft when he tried to sleep at night.

“No white noise machine can block out everything,” Kurt says, and shudders dramatically. Blaine smiles into the camera of his laptop, but then says,

“Well, you won't have to hear anymore from them, will you? Anyway, you shouldn't be so hard on them. Who knows what Rachel will hear from us when I'm there with you? You know how loud I can get.”

It doesn't take much more than that to get them going these days, and it's only a few minutes later that Blaine stares hungrily at Kurt's hand rubbing his cock, his own hand pressed against the cage as if it would somehow be able to alleviate the pressure on it. He moves forward to be able to see better, and when he can actually see a drop of precome forming on the tip of Kurt's cock, he can't help it anymore.

“Will you fuck me while I'm wearing the cage?” he blurts out, red-faced and breathless.

When Kurt comes against the camera of his laptop, he's pretty sure he has his answer.

But it seems to take an eternity until they'll get an opportunity to be in the same place again. It's even hard to find time for their Skype sessions, as there is a ridiculous amount of drama going on. Finn and Mr Schue are fighting. Blaine didn't even know that is possible, as the two of them seem like the same person most of the time. But apparently Finn has kissed Miss Pillsbury, and now Mr Schue acts like another child has played with his favorite toy. Blaine doesn't even know. He'd be hurt if someone kissed Kurt, but he hopes he won't act like this.

The thing is, their fight affects the Glee Club. Of course it does. What part of their life doesn't? But it's just no fun anymore, and so they give them an assignment, and as they sing, Blaine makes an interesting discovery.

In the performance, he is a marionette, tied up and allowed to move only as far as the strings reach. And he can't help but imagine it's Kurt who tied him up, and maybe he's on a bed instead of a stage, and he isn't dancing, but instead not moving at all...Once more he is thankful for the cage, for without it dancing would have been quite uncomfortable.

He won't mention that new discovery to Kurt, not yet. It's already hard for Blaine to get used to all these...desires he finds he has, and to reconcile them with how he sees himself. He needs time and opportunity to process it all before he talks to Kurt, and he also doesn't want to overwhelm Kurt with everything he wants to be done to himself.

But time to process is something he just doesn't have. He and Sam take over Glee club for a week, and it's a lot more work than he thought it would be, though it's also a lot of fun. Their theme of the week is Guilty Pleasures, and it might be that he chose it (just a little) because of everything going on with his sex life. Which, he tells himself, he does not feel guilty about. He has no reason to; everything they have done so far, Kurt has participated in with enthusiasm, and when it comes to the other stuff, the things he's just discovering for himself—well, he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

It's just a little strange, sometimes, to want these things. To want what almost every guy he knows would never even consider, would push even the mere thought of as far away as they can.

Then there's a shooter at school, which is really only Sue cleaning her gun or whatever, but the thing is—they didn't know that. As they were huddling on the floor of the choir room, silent and terrified, they didn't know their cheerleading coach is actually crazy enough to bring a gun to school, and now they do, the knowledge doesn't do anything to diminish the terror they felt—still feel, if he's honest. Afterwards, he remembers what he thought as he helped Artie get down and then sat on the floor behind the piano: Please, not now. Not when everything is finally good again.

A few months back, he might have met the thought of dying with more...disinterestedness. He can't know, there's no way to know how he might have felt in such a situation, even at his most depressed. He only knows that now, now he doesn't want to die. Not now.

When he's home that day, his parents don't let him out of their sight. He can understand that; they've tweeted for someone to call the police, and his parents must have spend quite some time not knowing if he lived or died. They're shaken, he is, too, and for a while, it feels good to be hugged and fussed over. But then...after a while, he wants Kurt. They let him call him after he points out that he has read the tweets as well, and it wouldn't be fair for him to be left in the dark for any longer than necessary. But they won't let him go to New York, not even the next day or the day after, and he knows that if Kurt came here, like he wanted to, they would hardly let him see him. They reluctantly let him go to school, but he had to promise to come home right after, and his mom checks on him at least twice an hour when he's in his room. It would be sweet, really, if it wasn't so annoying. If they didn't keep him from Kurt.

“At a time like this, you need to be with your family,” his dad says.

So if he wants Kurt, he needs to find a way to make Kurt his family.

#fic: in carcere #klaine fanfiction #finally #sorry guys