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#just stay sitting it’s easier
moominpopzz · 11 days
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how long do y’all think Ashe had to sleep in Mark’s bed with him after what happened to her mom. How often do you think Mark would try to put Ashe to bed and she’d run to him minutes after he leaves her room and begged him not to leave her. How often do you think Mark would hold her while she slept, staying awake for nights on end so that when she woke up screaming and sobbing from nightmares he could be awake to comfort her.
Do you think she moved back to her own room on her own or that she got to an age where Mark slowly started making her go back to her room instead. Do you think he’d sit in there and wait until she fell asleep or with his work one day he just stopped letting her crawl into bed with him. Do you think there were nights where when she could only fall asleep in his bed he’d carry her back to her room and she’d wake up, alone, in the room that damn book was in, do you think she’d just scream until Mark ran in to check on her?
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july-19th-club · 8 months
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i love it when gay people are hicks . life mission of mine is to rep for the gay people who are not from cities and dont dress like it or talk like it and who don't plan to leave wherever small place they're from to be in a city, however easier it would be . i think even we think of our community as being city-based, and those of us out on the fringes get sort of forgotten unless we relocate, but we're out here! surrounded by corn tassels! looking for morels! a good 50% of us ecology people! dropping our consonants and wearing our barn boots and never seeing a gay bar ever come to our town but staying for the forest or the prairie or the desert anyway! yeehaw i love gay people
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opens-up-4-nobody · 20 days
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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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autistic-shaiapouf · 1 month
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What do you mean I have to get up and do the work if I wanna try to make money <- guy who has been doing work nonstop and needs to give it a fucking rest
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starpros-sunshine · 11 months
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also i think that after seeing that Something is going out with his eichisama tori should also sneak into town to go and see what's the deal with this wataru guy. and he inevitably gets lost but meets hajime and they have a bonding moment barbie movie-style and him and tomoya help tori meet wataru. and then wataru sees tomoya and goes "oho! interesting child!" which once again leads to eichi unreasonable jealousy against this poor random kid
Okay so I've been thinking on this and I've been trying to get something coherent and bear with me right right.
(this got so long again I just started going into detail and detail and detail and oh god I am so sorry)
So Tori, poor, innocent Tori, has to come to terms with the fact that Eichi is hiding something from him (that "Something" being a tall blue-haired extra of unknown origin) and he knows that, technically, the mature thing would be to leave it alone. Eichi will have his reasons for being a little secretive about it. He has his own life and if he doesn't want to be open about...whatever it is that seems to be going on there.... then he doesn't have to be because the man has a right to privacy.
Tori knows that. But Tori also knows that being mature doesn't matter if, technically, his beloved Eichi-sama could be at risk of giving his heart away to a scoundrel that only wishes to play with him until he's bored and then throws him away, breaking Eichis heart in the process. We couldn't have that! And what if he's a criminal? Can you really trust someone who snoops around on other peoples property without their knowing? No you can't! So really it's only natural Tori wants to know what that guys deal is. Out of a genuine concern for his friend. Of course.
And so obviously it's a completely acceptable and normal and rational decision when he sees that Yuzuru isn't there for a moment to keep watch over him like the guard dog that he is (really Tori isn't a child anymore there's no need to be so overprotective) and the other staff members also don't seem to be around and Eichi is also nowhere to be seen, that he decides to take his coat and pack his little bag with some money (read: more money than just "some" money) and tries to sneak out of the house and down the path across the small meadow and the bit of forest that separates their not-so-humble abode from the small town where the other people live.
His inital plan simple. Go there; ask around a little, maybe try some tailing (after hearing stories from the other aristocrats about how one is able to hire people to follow their spouses around without them noticing - and that apparently being an actual thing people earn their money with - he's decided that it can't be that hard and he should try his luck.) and then leaving as quickly as possible, lest Yuzuru die of a heart attack after finding out Tori dissappeared. It would be quick and easy and nobody would ever find out. That was the original plan. But Tori very soon comes to find that that could prove harder than he thought when he notices he actually really really enjoys the feeling of not having anyone hover over him like some sort of falcon watching their prey.
The little river running by the path through the meadow is still frozen (It is winter after all) and the snow on the ground almost reaches his ankles. The 15 minute walk takes him 30 because he keeps jumping around in the snow (He's made three snow angels by now. For a second he has to think of his sister and of how nice it would be if she were here with him too and how they could make snow angels together were it not for her having to stay with their parents, but he pushes that thought to the back of his head again and decides to move on with his way).
When he eventually arrives at the town - and after just wandering aimlessly through the rather empty streets - there are three major epiphanies.
The first one is that he doesn't have a clear destination. He has no idea where to look for the blue-haired weirdo. The second is that, seeing as it is a forenoon in january, most people probably aren't spending their time outside. And if they are then they are at a different place than where he is. And the third and final one: He is completely and utterly lost.
It should be regarded as an accomplishment really. Getting lost in a town with a population of barely 300 locals living there. Indeed Tori would think it impossible. Yet here he is. If anything he's sure he's at least the only one who can claim this feat for himself. This is fine. He has this under control. If he just keeps walking then he's sure to come out somewhere (No there are no tears in his eyes anyone who says otherwise is just imagining things (he decidedly ignores the little voice in his head that tells him "Who's gonna say otherwise. Look around yourself, have you forgotten that you're all alone here?")). So the big brave boy that he is he marches onward, ignoring the way his fingers have started to feel numb from the cold and his eyes have not stopped watering and the little voice in the back of his head that tells him he should've just listened to Yuzuru (He banishes that one to the deepest depths of his subconscious very quickly. There are blows that his pride can take in these situations and then there's having to agree with "You should've just listened to Yuzuru". If There is one thing that can be said about Tori then it's that he is not one to simply give up. He has come this far and he'll be damed if he backs out now).
Lost in thought and not paying much attention to his surroundings (he has more important things to think about right now), he only manages to register a flash of blue in his peripheral vision. And because this could be what he's come here for in the first place but more importantly because this is a person and that is where the bar is set, Tori immediately tries to follow them. If Lady Luck is especially nice to him this time she lets this person be the mysterious stranger he's been looking for, but what feels like a day of walking through empty streets in the biting cold of a noon in late january have humbled him enough to not push it with his luck.
And when he turns the corner, calling out for the figure to wait, insted of the strange man he was expecting he comes face-to-face with a meekish looking boy with blue hair and big violet eyes and next to him there's a second boy, this one able to be described in all aspects with only one word: average. And for a solid ten seconds they all just stare at each other.
Tori doesn't really know how, he really has no idea, but somehow he ended up following the two home. Or, well, more or less. Following isn't really the right word here. After their almost-staring-competition on the street the meekish looking one with the blue hair asked him if he was alright because "he seemed lost" (he absolutely did not.) which then prompted an entire series of events that ended is Tori sitting in this strangers families home - with an entirely different stranger also there - getting a serving of what he assumes to be radish soup. Tori feels a little sorry for the boy, Tomoya, as he said his name was, who seemed like he was previously engaged in a conversation with the other boy, who later introduced himself as Hajime and who had spent the entire way asking him questions about how he ended up here and what someone like him was doing all alone in a sleepy village neighbourhood like theirs and if he really didn't need a tissue (He hadn't cried while explaining how he was lost. He totally hadn't) and on and on and on as Tomoya had to awkwardly walk behind them.
So now, sitting at this table with these two people who he has only met today and who have given him a bowl of soup to warm himself up with, he has to tell everything about how he ended up in this situation in the first place. At the end of his recollection of this oh so wonderful day he is met with two pitying looks an a laugh - apparently one of Hajimes younger siblings had joined them at their little impromptu gathering (he wonders, distantly, how his own sister is doing right now).
And as he's about to say that he should probably make his way home and resume his mission another time when he has a map, Hajime mentions that he actually knows the guy Tori is talking about and that he lives at the local inn and that that isn't that far from them and that he and Tomoya can walk him there if he wants to. Tori agrees immediately. He is so over trying to be discreet about it at this point he really just wants some sort of success in this kind of ridiculous endeavour he's set out on.
So after the soup is finished and his limbs don't feel like they're about to fall off anymore the trio goes on their merry way and Tori feels a little silly because for all the walking around he did before they reach this inn really pretty quickly... maybe he should've thought to bring a map... The three of them venture further into the inn, and Tori only overhears Hajime talking to an older woman, but he's more occupied with looking around the place. It's father homely and rustic, a completely different atmosphere than at their place. There are noises from the few patrons sitting at the tables and chatting with each other, but it only add to the cozy feeling of the entire place.
When Hajime comes back he leads Tori up a little stairway and down a dimly lit hallway. They stop in front of a door at the very end of it (in my head there's a bit of a terasse thing happening there like. you can look down into the part where the tables are and such right right) and Tori barely has time to mentally prepare for the fact that this really is happening now before Hajime knocks and the sound of muffled steps approaching the door can be heard.
When the door finally opens (it's been a few seconds at best but it feels like an eternity), Tori is greeted by the lovely view of a pair of pale clavicles, barely covered by a black linen blouse. He has to actively look up to look at the face of their owner and when he is met with a pair of sharp, purple eyes he feels like his throat just sew itself shut. Hajime explains to Wataru that Tori was looking for him and suddenly a light seems to go up above Watarus head as a look of recognition flashes over his face and he turns around to Tori again and asks him if he's "the princess that Eichi's been telling him all about". Tori is confused. Hajime decides that this is his cue to leave and he slowly backs away to go back down and collect Tomoya, who's been roped into helping out with the catering by some elder gentleman (Wataru watches Hajime as he collects Tomoya and they leave, intrigued by this strangely average boy, as Tori just stares in horror as the realisation dawns upon him that he is now completely alone with this man whom he didn't even intend on speaking to in the first place).
So now he is here. In this very awkward situation. Sitting on a chair in this strangers room (for the second time today! Did he ever have a day this eventful? Who knows! Tori for sure doesn't.). He wants to talk, but Wataru is faster and asks him what he's doing here. Tori doesn't really know how to reply. How do you talk your way around having to tell someone that you actually got lost on the way to spy on them. That's right. You can't. Well, Eichi could. But Tori is Tori and he never wished for that to change more than he did now.
He looks out of the window and it is at that moment that another three major epiphanies reach him. Firstly that he doesn't know what to do now that he's here, secondly that he's going to get murdered by Yuzuru (and if worst comes to worst also Eichi) once he gets back because he's been gone all day without telling anyone and they're probably all worried sick, and last but not least: it is dark outside. He can't go home like that. He is virtually stuck in this predicament he found himself in.
Wataru seems to have a similar thought, because the immediate follow up question after not really getting a coherent answer from Tori is if anyone knows he's gone. Tori shakes his head. If Tsukasa ever finds out about this mess of a situation he will have to die because he would never let Tori live that down.
He gets ripped out of his incoming spiral by the bird that takes a seat on his head and Watarus over-the-top contemplative sigh and the slight lilt in his voice when he voices the next issue that's in the room. He isn't even speaking to Tori anymore, but to his bird that sits on Toris head, Jeanne, and Tori is starting to get annoyed by the way he jokes about this entire thing, calling Tori a "a little bird that escaped its nest", as if he isn't stuck having to prepare for his untimely demise. And by the way this guy hasn't put down his cryptic smile and teasing voice ever since he entered the room. When he thinks things can't get any more awkward for him Wataru proposes two options. Either he walks him home, or Tori has to stay at the inn for the night and he brings him back in the morning. Tori decides he'd rather go back home sooner than later (he'll have to take the lacture either way and he's probably caused everyone enough worries by now anyways. And also he misses his bed.). So Wataru grabs his coat, quickly goes to tell the inn-keepers he's "bringing retuening the princess to ger people" (Tori doesn't know if he liked the bird comparison better or not).
The way back is still very tense because Tori does not dare to walk next to Wataru (he's sketchy it's not Toris fault it's a normal reaction) and so he just awkwardly walks behind him, He doesn't really watch his surroundings - it is dark and the only nice thing is that it's snowing and there are animal sounds and they are spooky and he needs to watch the way and it's easier to think that way - until suddenly he gets hit by a snowball right in the head. And he is so baffled by this that he just stares at Wataru, and Wataru grins at him with his stupid stupid grin and somehow they end up in a snowball fight on this meadow where the only reason you can see anything is because of the snow and when they finally arrive at the mansion they both have so much snow in their hair and their clothes are wet from the melted snow and when they knock on the door and wait for someone to open Wataru gets some of the snow out of Toris hair and says that that snowball fight can be their little shared secret and Tori grins back at him and agrees and when the door opens and both of them are frantically ushered in by a maid that tells another one to get Yuzuru and Eichi Tori decides that maybe this guy isn'r so bad after all. Maybe he's actually quite nice.
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bylertruther · 1 year
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sorry for being that guy but absolving a character of any and all flaws or accountability and ignoring the parts of canon that are proof that this character is (thankfully) complex and human aka capable of making mistakes and doing good and being smart in some ways and dumb in others and so on and so forth is just like. sorry but i always imagined that to be the most boring way to enjoy a character and yet.........................
#personally i love when characters are intelligent and idiotic and mean and kind and i like when something isn't their fault and when#sometimes it is very much their fault and so on and so forth blah blah. just like how ppl are in real life.#live and let live i don't care what anyone does unless it's hurting people and this isn't but in my eyes ......#it's like i've just watched someone be handed a beautiful delicious chili cheese dog and they go ''thank you'' but then proceed to#scrape off all of the chili cheese and wipe the wiener down with a napkin to get all the remaining seasoning off and then switch out#the bun to a dry one. like girl what's the point of getting a chili cheese dog if you're jus gonna do all tht..... jus get a hot dog.. 🤨#i think my fandom life would be so much easier if i enjoyed characters like dustin. or enjoyed media tht was 100% lighthearted all#the time with no fucked up characters in it. but alas.... i am forever fascinated by the cunty freakazoids.... 😔#the dichotomy tht exists within certain characters is The Point. you'd think tht ppl would be happy tht characters aren't one dimensional#but apparently that's what many someones actually prefer lol#i stay scrolling through the tags just scratching my head looking like my icon like girl............. whatter u talkin about....#i swear it rly makes me wanna jus go through whatever show it is this time and reblog their post with screenshots of all the scenes tht#contradict their bold statement#but im not THAT annoying so i jus sit and stew in silence.......... well. semi silence bc here i am talking abt it but—
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cetoddle · 9 months
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i'm getting emotional just ignore me tbh
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radgeorgie · 8 months
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god, I'm not a rageful person, but there is a red gaze I look out of when my mom sits silent right next to me.
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nexus-nebulae · 4 months
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everyone thinks I'm so insane for this but like genuinely i want a hospital bed like. at home. i want to sleep in a hospital bed. i prefer it
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imnotverybright · 1 year
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the fact that we just have to keep going on living is insane
my strongest memory of feeling unconditionally loved as a kid was one day at the beach when my best friend's mom tucked in the tags on my swimsuit when they were showing. it was just the fact that someone i wasn't related to and had no obligation to look after me went out of her way to make sure the little details of my appearance, details i didn't notice or care about, were in order. it's such a small moment and i doubt she even remembers it, but for me it's a core memory of feeling loved and cared for .
i haven't seen that woman in over a year now, because she cut off my whole family. she made her daughter, my best friend, block me after a decade of being friends. and i never got a real explanation. initially, my best friend said it was because she came out as bi and our whole friend group is gay, and so, even tho her parents had no confirmation, i had to be cut off by extension. after my mom talked to her, she said it was because our group was bad for her daughter's mental health. my best friend's mom said that maybe, if i apologized, i could talk to her daughter again. maybe. and so i wrote them a letter. i apologized for anything and everything i could think of. i wasn't sure what i did wrong, so i covered all my bases. it took me weeks to write because even thinking about it made me feel sick. and it wasn't enough. it's such a huge, earth-shattering moment in my life, it's a core memory of absolute betrayal and abandonment.
and i just have to live with this. with a core memory of being loved unconditionally and a core memory of being betrayed, that were both caused by the same people. maybe im just 17 but how do i live with this
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#not to be weird on main but jaysteph hallmarkesque fic where it's like. steph has been away at college#and comes back to gotham on holiday break absolutely jonesing to get back into ''the family business'' aka vigilantism#she and jason were childhood acquaintances (schoolbus theory!!!) and worked together a bit before she went to school#steph has an argument with tim about something stupid (no they're not dating at this point they're just besties and both a bit petty)#so they're at odds and the whole family is a bit tense bc there's a Big Case going on and B is away on JL business#(B has promised he'll be back in time for Christmas. he is SCRAMBLING to keep this promise.)#anyway: cue steph deciding to make things a little easier on dick by handling arrangements for The Christmas Eve Gala TM#and recruiting jason (who is honestly just along for the ride/lowkey keeps mom-friending literally everyone in the absense of bruce)#they end up doing Shenanigans while trying to pull this event off and not cause any more trouble for alfred#while also working that Big Case during the nighttime and dealing with regular Family Tensions.#steph is also conflicted about transfering back to gotham u or staying with her current program that isn't really doing it for her#(jason is also considering enrolling in college now that he's legally alive again and is struggling a little with Being Alive)#at some point they end up reminiscing about their shenanigans as kids who rode the same schoolbus#and there's this really emotional moment like ''sometimes i wonder why I'm even allowed to be alive. why did we get to come back''#and all that. steph has a mild existential crisis brought on by emotions running high and sleep deprivation#thats basically her asking how she's able to go to college. she should have brain damage after being technically dead for minutes like that#and jason is like ''i DID have brain damage'' and they just look at each other and it's like this *zing* moment#like hotel transylvania skkdfnskfnsk#anyway yeah college girl steph home for the holidays falling for the guy she used to sit with on the bus??? i am Thinking#also samsung needs to give me a starling emoji smh
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mintmentos · 1 year
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Van that was fucking brutal why would you say that
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prisonpodcast · 8 months
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One good part about my spinal surgery is that my posture is fucking incredible now
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dadbots · 5 months
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cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)
#dadbots.txt#starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it#and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold#Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday.#Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better -#- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately.#But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice?#Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more.#Back to pain relievers and heat ig.#Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross.#But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo#This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago.#But hey. You live and learn.#And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised#Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.#Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all.#Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened.#But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little.#There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc#So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow#December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all
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neverendingford · 9 months
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#tag talk#storytime sexcapades#sadness is canceled. met a really cute cool dude visiting town for work and stayed up all night talking and uhhh. other things.#I really am so ready to move. I wanna be in a college town with community music groups and a larger visible queer population ugh.#anyway. the more I experiment the more I realize I'm actually definitely trans and I would like certain bits lopped off 😕#I will literally never shut up about the connection between sex and gender. I'm sure there's some shortsightedness to it#because I'm speaking largely from my own experience with it. so obviously there's an implicit perspective bias there#but like. turns out when you're dissociated from your body it can be hard to enjoy certain body activities.#I'm mostly over showers now. it's way easier to see myself the way I want to be. still things I want fixed. but things are livable.#but yeh. sex is difficult when you're at war with your skin.#also. why do people do poppers. your head spin for a minute and you smell organic solvent for a while. my head spins all the time#like. “it's just like sniffing glue” bro why do people sniff glue I don't get that either“.#“it's like being drunk for a short time” I don't get why people do that either.#throwback to that time someone said I needed to not become an alcoholic and I just pointed to my four month old vodka bottle in the fridge.#idk. there's a use for it. alcohol is a CNS depressant and I love it for that. but only sometimes is that necessary.#anyway. I'm curious to try other substances but I fully expect to walk away going “eh. I don't get what the deal is with that”.#but we keep doing new things. for science. to learn about the world. and to become a more understanding person. understanding is everything#anyway. cool people do exist. I literally said that thing about not meeting people I like and the universe decided to be a joker about it#did I already say that we stayed up all night? sitting on the trunk of you car watching the stars on a warm desert night is a good vibe.#I like getting out of the city and finding a patch of desert to park in and just bathe in the night air. and it's better with company#the end. bye. I have an age of empires game to finish cause I paused it to go meet up with him. and now I have to finish it#ALSO. yeah I know.. vodka in the fridge. I've started putting it in the freezer just cause there's not as much room in the fridge
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lieutenantselnia · 11 months
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I want draw and write for my f/os so badly but my university assignments say no ._.
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