#like let me enjoy a game without going through random panic attacks when a giant disgusting spider jumps at me without warning

[chenziee]

Let's take a moment to thank all the people who make arachnophobia mods for games. You people are gods and are saving lives and I worship the hands that write the blessed, holy files.

#in this year of our lord and saviour sun god nika 2023 #it should be standard in games 😭 #like let me enjoy a game without going through random panic attacks when a giant disgusting spider jumps at me without warning #bless the people who put in the work #actual gods #modders in general are gods #but the arachnophobia ones... #so important #thank you #also “beware boxes” sign killed me that's such a wonderful touch ahahahha #katie thinks she's relevant

[ser-rctslcyer]

Sweet Home (2020)

First of all this is going to major major spoilers from the show, so don’t read if you are still trying to finish!!!

I’d like to start off by saying that this is my opinion, thoughts and feelings about the show(I watched all of it). I will be comparing events in both the Webtoon comic and the Netflix TV series. Also again it’s been awhile since I have read the Webtoon from beginning to end so sorry if there’s some misinformation (apologies if any of the names are spelled wrong or out of order too, I using the wiki page to write out the characters name from the show as they changed names a bit)  but here we go. 

(1) Pacing Issues

I’d like to start off and say the show has a lot of pacing issues. Throughout the show there are a lot of events that happen so quickly and sometimes bizarrely. From the transformations, to the introduction of characters, and the movement of the plot. One of the odd things that stood out was the bizarre news broadcast which was showcasing weird and scary visuals, as it explained the ‘rules of monsterization’ (you think that for global news that big, you wouldn’t want to cause global panic, but insist on showing the visuals that would put even more anxieties in the people at that time. Also why didn’t they cut it off when the dude first started having a nosebleed). 

Next I know Hyun was only supposed to be there for a week before everything started going down, but literally it just felt like a day. It didn’t seem to establish enough of his situation for the audience. I understand that adaptations like this are made for the niche audience of those who have either watched/read the original source material, however everyone should strive to have a story for anyone to view that they could understand and follow. It feels like immediately we get into the craziness that is thrusted upon all of the characters. 

Another thing that threw me for a loop was the way the ‘Blind Monster’ quickly transformed, it was just so fast. One moment he is the random human and then the next he’s standing up full monster. I think it would’ve been way cooler to see him transform fully, which I think would have been the first (full) transformation to see on screen. It’s one of the coolest monsters in the comic AND IT GETS PUNKED SO QUICKLY IN THE SHOW!!!

I get making the montage when Hyun met Du-sik, and how he went there to get his weapon made but it felt weird that they quickly figured out that they could use the phones to detect the monsters. It seemed so very rushed, and again one of the many things that probably would give the audience whiplash. Then when he meets up with Ji-su(Ji-soo) and Jay-hun did he teach them that the phones can work to detect monsters??? I mean they talked to each other all of two seconds before going back out to save the kids.

Hyun also went so quickly into his madness phases (his alter)? I swear they just really threw that in there so early by episode 2-3 . It seemed so random again as there wasn’t really much build up to show his ‘desires’ side. It was so abrupt especially because they hadn’t ‘laid out’ Hyun’s character yet, enough to introduce his alter ego fully like that. It didn’t really showcase Hyun’s struggle a lot to defy the his alter; mainly seemed like they used the alter to explain why Hyun is the way he is, which happens in the comic but again the show just kind of makes it feel like the alter is sorta just there to give us more exposition. 

There’s a lot more pacing issues which I could get into but I think that would make this entirely much longer than it has to be.

(2) Continuity Issues 

There’s also a ton of issues with continuity of the story too. The first glaring one that comes to mind is this both the power issue and the no internet service. In the show it establishes toward the end of episode one that there is no service, as the big group is on the first floor wondering why they are locked into the building. That’s at episode 1, which then in episode 2 opens up to Hyun still playing games on his computer, the group watching the news broadcast and Hyuk reading the initial first article about the outbreak being a ‘curse’. Now I’m not a tech savvy person, but when there’s no service, I’m pretty sure you aren’t able to do any of those things. Then when the Netflix original character, Seo Yi-Kyung, the ex firefighter/special forces decides to send a picture of the dead guy’s body to his family when there is no service; how is that possible? (Also was I the only one who found that to be completely odd and mean, as she saw a picture of his family? I understand it set us up for her story and how she’s trying to uncover secrets from her long lost fiance but it seems out of pocket as well as a dick move.) But that again loops back to the point that there is no service in this place, it’s been said many times so it just irks me more because that is such a big glaring issue, which should’ve been caught by someone reading the script.

Then there is when the power goes out. It shows Hyuk at the cameras when the powers go out and the cameras all shut off. But when he comes back to the camera with Seo Yi-Kyung, the camera’s are back on. Is it possible for them to be running on a separate generator, perhaps. However they showed the cameras going so then again, I can’t believe that there is a separate generator because again they showed them all shutting off; so again another continuity error. During that same scene I also could have sworn the lady also was looking at the cameras and saw the monster on screen, but apparently not because as she returns she punches Hyuk in the chest. I thought it was really weird because again he pointed and even showed which camera it was where she had to turn the power back on, yet she didn’t see the monster at all? Not only that too but I thought too she knew the risk she would be taking, as they were unaware of what other monsters could be in the building, however I guess not since she came back so defensively.

Another issue I have is the strength of Protein. Protein is first shown in episode 3 when Hyun has gone to rescue the kids and bring them back to Dusik’s room. Hyun begins to have a nosebleed and then his alter comes to him in his head and he tells the kids to go on without him. They run into Protein who if I remember correctly knocked Hyun through the door.  As Hyun is still dazed and the kids are dragging him away, Protein takes about 5+ hits… to break through a wall. This giant hulking mass of a monster, takes more than 5 hits to finally bust through a wall, does that seem right to you? The later when he fights [the lady who lost her baby] and when he pouches her, it almost feels like a push with how far she flies, even though he reared up for that punch. Anyway later on in episode 8 I believe, when Protein comes back, he quickly demolishes their armored car, so much that it looks nearly if not just like a pile of scrap. One could argue that yes, when he comes back and attacks the group, he’s supposed to be in his ‘rage mode’ of sorts, so that could be what makes him stronger. However he’s a towering hulking monster, seems to not do that much damage, to both the surroundings around him and then to the few people he smacked around. It just seems weird how he had different strengths each time he appeared. I know again that sometimes adaptations do tend to nerf characters, however I found it weird how they seemingly tried to do that in the show. I was sure that Jae Heon’s sword wasn’t able to slice Protein at all in the comic (or maybe he was in his rage mode at that point) either way though the nerfing of Protein’s character seemed to flip flop from whatever they seemed fit. 

(3) Monsters 

Which this can lead into the monsters. Now each monster in Sweet Home has different power sets and abilities than the other, however one consistent thing in the comic at least is that most of them are actually pretty sturdy and tough for the group to beat. A lot of the monsters, it takes time, effort, and a lot of learning for the group to figure out how to kill them. 

Let’s start off with the Tongue Monster. The Tongue monster is one of the first ones the group initially encounters; its terrifyingly tall stature is already unsettling enough, there’s the gaping hole of a mouth with a powerful tongue. Now the effects that for the opening of the mouth were a little wonky, but something I could look past. However my main problem was that this monster single handedly got the most kills in the show out of all the other monsters. In fact he was the only monster to get kills, which is very disappointing to see when you have all these cool monsters that could have different and interesting kills. (I’m not counting Mr. Kim and Jay hun’s death simply because that was a self sacrifice on Jay hun’s part. Nor am I counting any of Jung Wooi-myung kills because he was a half monster also he didn’t go full monster to kill anyone). In the comic, the Tongue monster had gotten 2 kills which one of those happened to be another monster (Mr. Kim).  

Eyeball monster was alright, and did what it needed to do. 

The Blind monster, who is for a doubt, one of the most terrifying and troublesome monsters in the comic. Like both in the show and the comic, he originally attacks Ji-su first, but then Jayhun comes and saves her by slicing off it’s head. The two leave think it was dead but that’s when the true terror starts as he was monsterized enough to survive it’s head being cut in half but unable to regenerate its head fully. Since it fully relies on sound, it makes it more deadly as it shoots out branch-like tendrils with great speed. This is deadly for the group as they have to make sure they travel quietly as possible to avoid being killed by the agonized creature. I did enjoy how the show included when Hyun first opened his door to it being right there, as that was a very suspenseful moment, and showed us another big threat that the people in this apartment building would face. The Blind monster is only around for 23 chapters in the comic which is roughly he’s in there for about  16.43% of the story (not including the flashback in the later chapters). While that number is small to you, the Blind monster is one of the iconic monsters as well as one that sets an even bigger tone for the dire situation the characters are in. He didn’t feel like much of a threat in the show, as I think also in episode 3 he gets killed by Protein after their ‘cheesy’ fight. In the comic, the Blind monster only killed one human (shown in a flashback as it was the slime monster’s mother) and was killed by Eun Lee. I will say he was one of the better looking monsters in the show and I give props for both the practical effects and special effects they used to create him.

The one I hate the absolute most is, Speed monster. His design was awful to me and sort of out of all the designs in the show he was the most out of place for me and just weird. He served his purpose though, the design they did for the show makes him comical rather than scary. In the comics, he does kill one in a flashback and then is killed by Hyun Cha. 

Reach monster is another one I think the show did really well, design wise. However the narration when reading the guys journal to figure out why he had become a monster was a good idea how the execution of it seemed so jarring as we were already moving back to the characters of that scene and ultimately doesn’t get the audience to really get invested into the thought that anyone could turn into a monster over seemingly any desire. 

Protein or the Steroid monster is another great and iconic monster from the comic, which in the show he seemed much less of a big deal than in the comic. The continuity with his strength seems to vary all throughout the show. He takes 5 hits to break one measly apartment wall, 1 attack to almost demolish a car (which I think he just smacked away because it didn’t seem like he rushed it), and he ended up getting crushed to death by on-fire debris. The strength and speed of Protein is what makes him another big problem for the group yet in the show, they sort of deal with him quickly. In the comic, Protein kills the Tongue monster in a fit of rage and also Seop Ahn (Seob An) who he crushes his skull with one singular punch. He’s later killed by the criminals that invade the apartment as they ram him with a bus and then eventually set him on fire. Protein was seemingly lack-luster in the show and honestly wasn’t as terrifying as I thought a 10 foot monster should be. 

Mr. Kim (Security Guard) is another monster that comes back out of nowhere in the show to kill Jae-heon (Jayhun). I found it weird that they didn’t show Mr. Kim, as in the comic he’s seen a couple times wandering before it comes to the other realization that he’s in fact a monster. Also in the comic, Mr. Kim is a strong and sturdy monster, his thirst for vengeance against the tenants whom some harassed him make him out to be a very tough monster for the group to beat. When he starts rampaging to kill the other survivors it is Jayhun who rushes to try to stop him by tackling him however he’s unable to move him. Mr. Kim threw him to the ground and then stomped on Hayhun’s head, crushing his skull. It takes the Tongue monster for Mr. Kim to finally be weakened enough for them to kill him. Jayhun’s death impacts the group but also mainly impacts Ji-su and Hyun both, however in the show they don’t really show it changing Hyun. I do appreciate the different take of this in the show, in fact I think that is one of the best scenes in the show. I also think Ji-su’s pain and anguish after was really well done.  I’m fine with the debuffing of Mr. Kim but I do kind of wish he played a bit of a bigger part. 

The live actions’ original creepy crawly monster I thought was a pretty decent design although some of the cgi for it is a bit of an eye twitch but again I can look past it. The monster itself resembled a spider, it uses webbing to capture and hold it’s victims.

The Slime monster I think was also another monster I like how the show did. It served its purpose well, and helped a bit show how some of the monsters aren’t necessarily as evil as the survivors may think. 

Seok Kim monsterization form was awful, he just looked like a giant walking talking hairball. At first I didn’t know who it was, and I found it stupid Sun Ahn (Seon Ahn) knew it was him; like how do you tell from underneath all that hair? I’m glad they kept it the same and had his wife kill him. Also wish they showed more of him losing his mind and talking to his alter, as in the show he really turned out of nowhere, kinda odd.

(4) Military Subplot 

I hate the military subplot, it’s such a stupid and overused trope especially with adaptions like this and honestly in never really works for it. The whole thing with the military knowing about this monsterization process before the initial outbreak and them trying to weaponize the ‘special infectees’ just really bogs down the story in my opinion. One of the reasons why I love and adore the comic is because it’s about a group of strangers, who don’t really know each other, trying to work together as a unit to survive. They have to learn how to use the materials around them and each other to fight off the monsters. Which they do in the show but when the show’s ‘criminals’ show up and they all have guns, it gets boring for me there (I’ll go into them later). The military subplot I know is setting the series up for a second season and probably will introduce other elements as well but ultimately it takes away what the comic had originally built; the suspenseful tension of being trapped in a building with people who could easily turn on you or turn into a monster and kill you. 

(5)Characters and Relationships

Now let’s talk about characters and relationships. Brace yourself, this is going to be a long ride. 

Hyun

Hyun was honestly I think is the worst adapted character in the show. The show felt like it dumbed down his character greatly. He’s the main character of the comics but the show treats him like a side character, especially at the beginning of it, as it tries to push some of the other character’s narratives first. From a creator’s standpoint I think it was a poor decision because I didn’t build up the same attachment to him when I had read the comic; most of the time he was on screen I completely didn’t care. The way the show portrays him is almost delicate since he’s pretty socially inept but the show makes him feel boring and plain by this fact. In no way am I saying he was a happier more confident person in the comic but the comic had clearly shown his character development and how his growing confidence pushed him to be a better person. The show however speeds past this process which again gives the audience no emotional attachment to the character. If there had been more scenes with him and his internal struggle, that were fleshed out it would have changed his character development immensely.

 Because of how the show did him, he also ends up not making friends with some of the group members as he did in the comic, Ji-su being another one of the things that irked me about the show. Hyun’s and Ji-su’s growing relationship in the comic is a big reason for his character development. Ji-su pushes Hyun socially but also Hyun finds strength to stay human as long as possible and help others. Not to mention Ji-su is one of the few that actually cared for him when everyone was against him. In the show they barely have any interaction and  Ji-su acts way more defensively around Hyun. I found it so awkward when Hyun lost control to kill the other half monster and Dusik, and she was talking about how she was glad Hyun wouldn’t have to remember all of that. I know the show was trying to show her caring side for him but ultimately it’s lost to me because they never built up a relationship between the two of them. Jayhun and Ji-su’s relationship completely overshadows anything they had tried to do with Ji-su and Hyun. Hyun and Eun’s relationship in the show is kind of mediocre and I don’t really care for it since Eun’s character is very annoying to me throughout most of the show. Hyun’s closest relationship in the show was with Du-sik and even still they didn’t really build up the relationship that much. They had a couple scenes here and there but they never really showed that connection that the two of them built in the comic. 

Hyun’s quick flip into madness or his alter happened relatively fast and also it didn’t seem like he was fighting internally with himself much; again something I wish they went more in depth with, showing how strong Hyun’s character really is. Even with the flashbacks to his past, that they only used for a couple of episodes, they didn’t still do much to grow his character. 

The show makes him a total blank slate and a completely flat character throughout the show. He never grows to really be much of a character  and is definitely a weak spot in the show. 

Ji-su

Ji-su gets a decent amount of focus and attention in the show but her character does seem to be different than her comic counterpart. I think they did a good job on showing the relationship between Jae-heon and Ji-su. I think they capitalized really well on showing that working relationship. I wished they showed more of the growing relationship rather than kinda taking Ji-su out of the game with both her having her first nosebleed and then having her bursting appendix problem. Which I  don’t understand why they didn’t have her get hurt in the garage raid like in the comic? They could’ve kept the reasons the same to have the group attempt to go outside but instead they took her out, just to get the group to go out? I get maybe they were trying to ground the show in a bit more of reality by trying to show how no matter what situation anything is truly possible. Still however it kinda suck not seeing Ji-su in action

Another part I didn’t understand is Ji-su’s reaction to people around her turning into a monster. When Jae-heon and her come to Hyun’s rescue and find out he’s becoming a monster, she becomes aggro and tells Hyun that she’ll kill him. However later with Im Myung Sook (the lady with the dead baby girl) who she goes to check on after she watched her attack Protein, she seems so worried. Then when she sees the claws, she goes back to being aggressive and defensive towards her becoming a monster. It seemed odd to me because why was she so harsh with Hyun but then acts worried for a lady she’s seen get tossed by a giant monster? Did she really not think that she wasn’t becoming a monster after that? Those small little character decisions really threw me for a loop because I couldn’t wrap my head around how any other person who acts these two distinct ways to both people they don’t really know. Again I wish they also tried to pursue that relationship with her and Hyun. Overall her character is done pretty well in the show, I still enjoyed her character. 

Jae-heon (Jayhun)

The show I think pretty much nails most of Jae-heon’s character. I think they honestly did a great job of adapting his character. Jae-heon’s character is definitely my second favorite, as I liked the way they built him up in the story. I did enjoy the way they killed him off the show, that noble sacrifice was very well suited for him.

Lee Eun-Hyeok(Hyuk) 

Hyuk is the most comic accurate character for me and definitely was my favorite from the show. I think they did a great job establishing the coldness of his character but also growing to show his true caring side. One thing I don’t understand was the fact he decided to stay behind. I understand he was going back to see first if he could convince Hyun to go with the group but also that he was turning into a monster.  The rest of the group knows Ji-su was becoming a monster, why did he not just go with them as well? I didn’t see the point of letting himself get crushed by rubble whenever the group is also escaping with another person who is turning. I know this is probably to set up Eun’s sort ‘redemption’ arc in the next season and also maybe he could potentially return if they decide to bring him back. Overall I think that they did his character justice for the most part of the show, he was really well done. 

Lee Eun-Yu(Eun) Eun is a completely different character than her comic counterpart. She’s a total asshole throughout most of the show up until the last 2-3 episodes though until she finally decides to show an ounce of human emotion. Honestly I have no clue why they changed her character, it seemed like such a weird thing to do for this adaptation. Her character also stays pretty flat too which is seemingly funny because when she tries to do nice things, like comfort Ji-su after Jae-heon’s death, and explain her story of how she’s trying to repay her brother, it all fails to make me want to care for her. She was so aggressive from the jump and insanely rude to everyone. Usually the ‘take no shit’ kind of characters I do tend to enjoy, if done right they can be both badass, hilarious, and one of the greatest characters in any series. In this case however I just wanted her to stop being an ass to everyone. In the last few episodes, I see how they were really trying to show the change that was going to happen to her character but at that moment I couldn’t bring myself to even try to care really for her character. She’s definitely one of the worst adapted characters in the show. 

Wook

Wook I feel is an entirely different mess than Eun. I get changing things to make certain, not as fleshed out characters who are prominent in series have more importance but honestly I found it interesting they made Wook one of those, because he has a perfectly fine backstory in the comic. In the show they call him a ‘gangster’ a lot (which happens in the comic) but unlike the comic they never state that he’s an ex-police officer. It seems that in the show he’s sort of like a private detective (if you wanna call it that). The show makes him seem like this cool and collected tough loner who kinda just takes everyone else’s orders. In the comic he’s more of a secondary leader for the group which would have been a good element to see in the show is him and Hyeok butting heads. His character seems almost pointless, as he’s really only there to also do the ‘heavy lifting’ (missions) with Hyun. His character was another sort of 180 from his comic counterpart. I found his character to mainly be comical because he was unbothered by everything; he just didn’t give a fuck. 

Seo Yi-Kyung

I’m probably going to be the only one that says this but I did not care nor like her character. It’s because I hate the military subplot to this story and since that’s mainly where her story lies, I can’t honestly bring myself to like her. She’s too plot convenient and honestly I’m still trying to figure out what she’s going to gain when she finds her fiancé she knows was turning into a monster and apparently ‘changed’. I understand it’s probably closure but to go as far to sell out a child who you barely even know, to people you barely even know in hopes of maybe finding your fiancé, to only be again sad when you discover you aren’t going to be able to save him as he’s already a monster, I just don’t get it. It’s a very weak plot line in my opinion and again wish they didn’t add the military subplot. Her character too is another flat character, as she doesn’t go through much change only in changing her mind about selling out Hyun to the military when she realizes that it’s essentially not worth it. 

Criminals The criminals are just basic, on their very copy pasted stereotypical villain shit that we must ‘kill all monsters’ but oops we accidentally invited a half monster into our group. They annoyed the shit out of me and angered me even more as they somehow collectively got more kills than the monsters in this show. 

Jung Wooi-myung (the other half monster)

So from what I could tell Jung Wooi-myung is like this leech monster that didn’t die when Hyun stabbed him with his arm wing. He also probably infected Wook’s body in the end. He plays the generic role of convincing Hyun to join his side since people won’t ever accept monsters which is true. Ultimately didn’t even care for him.

(6) Hyun’s Monster Transformation

This needed to be its own category for the simple fact that the whole scene sequence was utterly atrocious. For starters why did there need to be a mini eclipse for Hyun to transform ONE arm into this barbed spiked wing? That seemed to be thrown in for aesthetic purposes more so than having an actual reason behind it, as this was something that did not happen in the comics. Hyun’s arms transformation just seemed so bizarre. I would have been perfectly fine if the show black veins rushing through his body and him being stronger because of it, sort of like how the comic does it. However this one arm wing just seems completely dumb to me. Why would you make it a barbed wing? Why not at that point do a blade arm or like something that’s also better at bludgeoning monsters with?

(7) Final Consensus 

I had initially come into watching Sweet Home with low expectations as time has taught me before that things I want that get live action adaptations may not always be that good. I set the bar low in hopes that the show would do something ultimately to get me happy and excited for watching it. Sweet home never hit that spot for me though. As I was watching I began noticing how the pacing seemed to just go out of it’s way on some points and there were continuity errors staring me right in my face. The story didn’t captivate me like the comic did, not even in the slightest. I spent most of my time watching, laughing because of the absurdities and then pondering why certain events had gone down the way the show did them. I understand that with adaptations things may change but I feel like with the adaptation with Sweet Home it changed too many key elements of the main story that were important for making the story what it is. My rating for Sweet Home is a 1/10. This definitely is not something I would watch again.

#sweet home #sweet home netflix #just my opinion #there's more i could touch on but i seriously didn't want to write any more

[darkestsight]

Random Scene #21

(A fun little story involving Rip and Snart which I came up with ages ago and only finally wrote down)

Footsteps echoed through the winding corridors of the Waverider, accompanied by the murmur of voices, both sounds growing louder. Rip’s head whipped around towards them before he quickened his pace in the opposite direction.

They were searching for him and they would find him soon if he wasn’t careful. He needed a place to hide, somewhere they wouldn’t think to look or better yet somewhere they didn’t even know about. 

The obvious spot came to him and he quickly changed direction.

The bridge was thankfully empty when he got there. He made a beeline for his study and knelt down near the entrance. The floor, decorated by the image of a compass rose in sepia tones, might seem innocent but the metal panels it was made from hid more than a few secrets. 

Rip began to pry one of the panels open. It had been awhile since he had used the secret hold but it should still be...

Eyes widening, he stopped holding the hatch open as he stared down into chamber, the light from the study streaming down to illuminate the small, dark space.

“What the hell are you doing there?” he demanded.

The face of Leonard Snart scowled up at him. “What do you think I’m doing?” he replied. “Find your own hiding spot.”

The footsteps were still getting louder, their owners clearly having decided to head for the bridge as well.

“Too late,” said Rip, dropping his voice to a whisper. “Budge up.”

Leonard reluctantly moved over and Rip clambered down into the hole accidentally elbowing him on the way.

“Watch it,” snapped Snart. “Geez, you’re even bonier than Sara.”

Rip shushed him and carefully replaced the hatch as quietly as he could. The space was only a few feet high and a few feet wide so they were forced to crouch down beside one another. The dim glow of a tiny control panel was their only source of light leaving them in near darkness.

Above them, the footsteps came all the way up to the entrance of the study and then stopped.

Rip held his breath.

“Huh, I guess he’s not in here,” said the muffled voice of Raymond Palmer. “You know I could have sworn I heard...”

“Then where the hell is he?” asked a second voice, the voice of Jefferson ‘Jax’ Jackson. “He’s not in his quarters, he’s not in the galley, he’s not in the engine room.”

“He must be somewhere.”

“But where?”

For once, Rip really hoped his team wouldn’t think of the obvious solution. “Gideon?” said Ray.

Bollocks, Rip cursed to himself.

“Yes, Dr. Palmer,” replied the A.I.

Rip leaned towards the control panel. “Mary Celeste,” he whispered.

Leonard gave Rip a sidelong look and raised an eyebrow.

Above them, Ray said, “Where’s Rip?” “Captain Hunter is no longer on board the ship,” Gideon replied.

Rip breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Maybe he already left,” suggested Jax.

“I guess so,” said Ray. “You know I haven’t seen Snart around either. Do you think he left too? Gideon?”

Snart immediately started jabbing Rip in the side, glimmers of panic shining through his normally supercilious expression.

“Mr. Snart is...” Gideon began.

Rip leaned toward the control panel once more. “Gideon, add Snart to the Mary Celeste protocol,” he said as quickly and quietly as he could.

“...no longer on board the ship,” Gideon finished after the tiniest of pauses.

Both Rip and Leonard’s shoulders sagged in relief.

“Thank you, Gideon,” Rip said under his breath.

“That’s weird,” said Jax. “Do you know where they went?”

“Unknown,” Gideon replied.

“They’ve probably gone on ahead,” said Ray, dismissively. “They must have been really excited.”

Jax gave a doubtful hum. “Neither of them seemed really into it when we were talking last night.”

“How could they not be into it? This is going to be so much fun!”

Rip grimaced and Snart rolled his eyes.

“Everyone’s going to be there,” Ray continued, “Team Arrow, Team Flash, Kara and all her friends. Cisco says he’s picked out a ton of music to play and even planned a whole bunch of party games. It’s going to be the biggest superhero bash ever!”

Beside him, Rip felt Snart actually shudder.

“Come on,” said Jax. “We’d better let the others know.”

The footsteps could be heard once again growing quieter as the pair left the bridge.

Rip and Snart remained silent a few moments longer until they were certain the others were gone. “That was close,” said Rip. “You’re telling me,” said Snart. “You almost led them right to me.”

Rip flung up his hands. “How was I supposed to know you were hiding here? Why are you even hiding? I thought you of all people would enjoy going to this crazy... shindig.”

Snart raised his eyebrows. “A celebration for superheroes and their friends? Not really my scene. Besides, contrary to popular belief I’m not much of a party person.”

“Well, me neither,” Rip admitted.

“Since when?” said Leonard. “I’ve seen you blend seamlessly into more than a few fancy shindigs, not to mention fight your way back out of them.”

“Yes but that was during missions. This is different.” Rip gave a weary sigh. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not all that good when it comes to socializing.”

“No, really?” was Snart’s sarcastic reply. Rip ignored him. “At least, you know some of the people there. The ones I know haven’t met me yet at this point in time which makes things rather awkward. If I went, I’d probably end up standing in a corner nursing a drink or spending the entire time making small talk.” He said ‘small talk’ with much disgust as if it were the worst torture imaginable.

Snart grimaced showing he had similar feelings on the topic. “Well, hopefully, the others will leave soon and we can both do something that doesn’t involve hanging out with a giant crowd of do-gooders and playing nice.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Rip gazed up at the trapdoor. “The coast should be clear now.”

Reaching up, he pushed against the hatch opening it a crack. A quick peek showed the bridge was indeed empty. Rip swung the hatch open all the way and pulled himself out; then leaning over, gave Snart a hand up.

“Thank God that’s over with,” said Rip. “Now, I’ll just have Gideon make sure—”

“You get to the party in time?” suggested a voice from behind them.

Eyes widening, Rip and Snart swung around.

Sara was standing at the back of the study, hands on her hips and glaring at them.

“Uh, M-m-miss Lance,” Rip stuttered. “We were, uh, just making sure the hidden compartment was secure.”

“Really?” said Sara, raising her eyebrows.

“Yes,” Rip said with the horrible feeling he was digging himself in deeper with each word. “We need to make sure it’s secure in case of, uh, possible incursions.”

Sara just stared, her intense blue eyes penetrating right through him.

“And, uh, I...”

“I would recommend quitting while you’re ahead,” said Snart, “or rather quitting while you still have a head.”

Rip wisely decided to take Snart’s advise and closed his mouth.

Sara folded her arms over her chest and took a step towards them. “Rip,” she said and then turning to Snart added, “Leonard.”

“Sara.” Snart gave what he probably hoped was a flirtatious smile. “How’ve you been?”

Sara glared at him and Snart quickly took his own advice and said no more.

“You two weren’t planning on skipping out on the big party, were you?” Sara glanced from one to the other.

“Would you believe me if I told you it was all Rip’s idea?” said Snart.

Rip rolled his eyes.

“You know how important this party is to everyone,” Sara continued, ignoring Snart. “It’s a time for us to gather together without there being a major crisis involved and you know how rare that is.” “Rare and nowhere near as fun,” Snart couldn’t help putting in.

“Sara,” said Rip, tiredly. “I know how much you and the others have been looking forward to this but this type of socializing really isn’t our thing.”

“I don’t care,” said Sara. “You are going to this party and you are going to enjoy it. I happen to know a lot of the people there are looking forward to meeting you, Rip, and Leonard, don’t tell me Barry hasn’t been waiting to see you again.”

“But—” Rip tried to protest once more.

Sara didn’t even let him finish. “No buts. You are going and I want to see the two of you dressing appropriately too. No parkas or Old West gear.”

“Can I at least—” Snart began.

“No,” Sara repeated. “You are to be on your best behaviour. Is that understood?”

The two nodded reluctantly, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Good,” said Sara. “We’re leaving in five so you’d better start getting ready.”

She turned and marched out of the room but not before sending them one final parting glare.

Rip watched her go, a glum look on his face. “What do you think she would do to us if we didn’t show up?”

“I don’t want to think about it,” said Snart.

“That’s probably wise,” said Rip. “I suppose this means we’re going.”

Snart slapped him on the shoulder. “Look on the bright side, a gathering of superheroes like this is exactly the sort of thing to draw out an attack from a major supervillain.”

Rip let out a sigh. “We can only hope.”

#legends of tomorrow #rip hunter #leonard snart #darkestsight fanfic #random scenes

[anenglishgirl-americanman]

Right On Time - Chapter 6

Hi everyone!!!!!!!.. I’m super sorry for the unannouced hiatus. Not had the best time, but I’m feeling much better now. And something crazy happened when I saw RHCP in December.. but I’m now back on this planet! Ha! So.. I got a message asking when I’d be updating Right On Time. Now, this was a while ago.. It’s taken a good amount of time to get here, but here you go! Enjoy! x

My bag had been packed, stuffed rather, with the majority of my wardrobe. I have no idea what to wear, what do you wear to a video shoot that your boyfriend is starring in? Ever since he said I was the girlfriend of a rockstar, I’ve tried to think like that. Honestly, I need to change my image, what I dress like, how I act, how I think. I feel this immense pressure, I want Anthony to want me, as much as I want him, but I’ll be honest, that’s all a lot of effort.

I was just putting the last bits into my bag and turned to look at my apartment. It was so small, everything was so close together, but I suppose the upside was that I didn’t have to go far to get my midnight snacks. If I stretched far enough, I could reach one of the cupboards without even leaving my bed! Now I think about it, this place is PERFECT!!

I went to the small round dining table next to the window, put my bag down on the floor and sat on one of the chairs. I looked towards the door, Anthony would  be here soon, my stomach filled with butterflies at the thought of him. I flicked through the magazine that was on the table, pages and pages of crap, who wore it better, the low-down on the latest fashions. I was mindlessly flicking through it when I came across a familiar face. It was Anthony, and just in front of him, was me. It was the day that I got hit by the photographer’s camera. I studied the photo, I couldn’t believe how bad I looked. I looked so chubby, my face was puffy, my eyes were shut, could they have possibly picked a worse photo? Doubts started to creep into my head, is that what I really looked like? I read the caption,

‘Looks like Anthony Kiedis’s relationship with Blanca has officially ended after he was spotted with a mystery redhead, not his usual type! lets see how long this one last for!’

I gasped, I stood up and walked over to the full length mirror and examined myself. I turned to the side, back to the front again, turned to the other side, and then back to the front again. I couldn’t stop staring at my reflection. My hair wasn’t sitting right, I had what appeared to be suitcases under my eyes and I looked as chubby in real life as I did in the magazine.

I was starting to doubt myself.. I was starting to doubt being with Anthony Kiedis. What did he see in me? I’m the checkout girl at the local store, I’m nothing special! There was Anthony, handsome, tall, smart, talented, gorgeous, funny, kind, generous, beautiful.. and here’s me. The troll.

I pulled at the vest top I’d chosen to wear, I suddenly became really self conscious, suddenly aware of myself, how I looked, my slight lazy right eye, that massive freckle on my cheek, that strand of hair THAT JUST WONT STAY PUT. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, my breath becoming short, my face turning a crimson red. Suddenly I felt the need to take a sharp intake of breath, and then fell to the floor, I was desperately trying to catch my breath but there wasn’t anything I could do. My body and brain were failing me, then an almighty anxiety wave hit me. Tears streaming down my face, I was sobbing, I gasped as I tried to take in air.

A knock came on the door, I was helpless, I couldn’t will my body to move, I was still trying to calm myself down from this monster of a panic attack. I’ not had one like this in a very long time. It had completely taken over me, I’d managed to lie down on the carpet, my body was exhausted, but it didn’t help my breathing. The knocks kept coming, more frequent, getting louder and louder until I heard a voice,

“Melanie, c’mon, we’re going to be late! I cant introduce my girlfriend to my bandmates if we’re already behind shooting schedule!” I could hear him chuckling. I stayed on the floor, shutting my eyes with tears still escaping them.

He knocked again, and again, and again, minutes between each one.

“Mel?” his tone of voice had changed, he was concerned. I desperately tried to reply through my tears but to no avail. He shouted my name again and banged on the door a couple more times. Then suddenly, nothing. No banging, no shouting. That made me cry more, I’d finally got my breathing to slow down, just a little longer and I could get up and try to piece myself back together. I was expecting to be greeted by a note passed under the door to say he’d left without me and to not contact him again.

A few seconds later and the lock was being opened.

“Quickly, I think something’s happened” Anthony ran through the door, leaving the landlord by the front door, his master key still in the lock.

“Mel!” Anthony ran over to me, got onto his knees and placed his right hand on my back and started to rub it in a soothing way, “Honey, what’s happened?”

I looked at him, worry spread across his face. He helped me sit up, moved to sit behind me and wrapped his arms around my body. I put my hands on his arms and leaned into him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know if I should come with you today. “

“Why not? What’s the matter, honey?”

“I. I just don’t know if-,” I paused. How could I say this? I took a deep breath and tried again, “I’m not like your other girlfriends and I don’t understand why you want to be with me.” Tears threatning to escape my eyes again.

There was silence behind me, then a deep sigh. Anthony’s arms tightened around me, he leaned his head down and kissed my shoulder.

“You’re like no one else, Mel. You’re so special. Your innocence draws me in. When I’m not with you, all I do is think about you. You’re so incredibly beautiful, didn’t you every wonder why I constantly came into your store to buy random things? I just wanted a small glimpse of you, that would see me through the constant interviews, all the shows out of town, you supported me throughout all of that without even knowing!” He leaned round and kissed my cheek, brought his left hand up to my face, turned my head to look over my left shoulder and he kissed me on the lips, a lovely deep, gentle kiss.

“Anthony.. I,” I stumbled over the words “I really like you.”

“And I really like you, Mel. Now, shall we get ready to go film?” Anthony stood up, walked in front of me and held out his hands to help me up. “You look beautiful.” He smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek, the familiar butterfly feelings were coming back again.

Anthony and I arrived at the studio, parked up and we walked into where all the action was. I’d never seen anything quite like it, there was a circular stage, bright orange walls surrounding it and what looked like a giant hollow cube with a drum kit in the middle of it. My imagination started going wild, what on earth kind of video was this going to be?! The set was bustling with lots of people, all looking very busy, tracks on the floor for the cameras, make up artists on set. I’d never seen anything like it!

Anthony took me around to the back and showed me into a dressing room, there sat 3 guys and a young girl.

“Guys! This is Melanie. Melanie, these are the guys - John, Chad and Flea, and that’s Flea’s daughter, Clara.” I looked around at all the smiling faces, Chad, the tall one, was first up on his feet and he came over and gave me hug.

“Melanie! Nice to meet you, are you excited to see what’s going to happen?”

“I am.. I’ve never been on any kind of set before, so this is super exciting!”

“I wouldn’t get too excited, its super loud when you’re on set - you might even need ear plugs!” Clara laughed, which made me laugh.

John and Flea got up too, I stuck out my hand to John, who offered his hand and limp wrist to me, whereas Flea went straight in for a hug.

“It’s really nice to meet you guys, thanks for letting me come along today.” I smiled and looked over at Anthony who had stood back up and walked over to the door.

“Well, time we got ready. Mel, do you want to wait out on set with Clara? We’ve got to change.”

I nodded and followed Clara. The set was amazing. I couldn’t believe so many music videos were filmed in places like this, the viewer really has no idea what goes on behind the scenes and I was just as clueless.

A while had passed before the guys finally came out, Anthony came over to me and my mouth fell open. I’d seen Anthony shirtless before, on screen, in the Scar Tissue video. But seeing him shirtless in person was a whole other game. He was so toned, so strong, so sexy.. and this guy wanted to be with me?! Although he was covered in green paint, I’ve never been so flustered around a man. Anthony made his way over, laughing at my reaction.

“Loving the green, it suits you!” I said, winking at him, looking up into his eyes. He smiled and held eye contact for a few seconds, he then leant down to kiss me and slapped my butt as he was called away to the stage.

Soon it was all quiet on set, cameras surrounding the guys, when suddenly the music started. Flea was slapping his bass on stage in time to the music, then John followed on the guitar, bending backwards and then Chad joined in on the drums. The music was amazing. I was swept away in a whirl of orange, I stood there with my mouth open just watching the guys on stage. Anthony was jumping around, swinging off the cube that was on the stage, singing the lyrics. Then the music calmed down to just John playing, soon joined by Flea and Chad.

The guys played the whole song through from start to finish, it was incredible to watch. The joy on their faces, the joy on the faces of the people watching them. This band was amazing! I made a mental note to myself to listen to more of their music, I’m sure I’ve heard a lot of their songs on the radio but I don’t own any of their CDs.

Then came the solo shots of the guys, when it was Anthony’s turn, a light up cube, just like the one on the stage, was brought out and eventually it rose. Anthony had to get in the cube and was practising dangling himself around, placing himself in the corner, as it spun around. It made me get motion sickness, watching him spin round and round, but man.. he was so hot. I felt my face going red again, the way he was singing loudly, his moves, his body. I was in awe of him. Once the cameras got rolling, we all watched as Anthony sung and spun himself around. John stood next to me, laughing at Anthony. I turned to him and laughed with him, it was then I noticed John’s arms. Badly scarred, and still covered in green paint. I didn’t think it was appropriate to ask him what had happened, maybe I’d ask Anthony one day.

It was amazing to see the guys interact with each other, laughing at Anthony as he pranced around. John was next up, playing the guitar, bending his back, singing the backing vocals. He was having a great time, and I saw Anthony’s face as he watched him, his face was so full of love, hope, wonder. There was a special connection between him and John, so much respect oozed out of Anthony for John. He caught me looking at him, he smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“How you feeling, honey?”

“I’m feeling good. I feel really happy. Thank you for inviting me, this is just what I needed.”

Anthony looked at me and smiled again, “I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I want you to know how much you mean to me, how special you are. And I promise we’ll have a nice evening. But be warned, we’re filming again tomorrow, so no late nights for us!” He laughed and pulled me in for a hug, he was still shirtless, and my hands touched his back. Dang, even his back was toned, it felt so good being in his arms. Incredible, in fact. I felt this energy between us, my heart rate rose and I could feel my face getting redder. I was desperate for him, desperate for him to touch me.

You see, we still hadn’t had sex. It was my choice and he respected my decision. I felt like I wasn’t ready just yet. I wanted to feel ready, I wanted him to feel ready too, I wanted it to be special for both of us. I don’t mean rose petals everywhere, champagne on ice, a big lovely romantic meal. No, I didn’t want any of that. I wanted it to be special because it was him and I, connecting together, a connection that not everyone has. I wasn’t sure when I’d feel ready, but I was feeling pretty ready at that moment in time. Just being in Anthony’s arms was enough to get my heart beating fast, I was sure that Anthony could hear my heart, thumping away in my chest. I looked up at him, he was amazing. His peroxide blonde hair looked amazing, his eyes were amazing, just everything about him was amazing, and he was all mine.

Hours had passed and it was finally time to leave, we’d had dinner on set, there was so much food. I thought it best to not waste our money and use up what was there. Anthony laughed at me as I stacked my plate up, calling me cheap. I told him that he had no idea, he didn’t know what it was like living small pay check to small pay check, you had to make the most of every free food opportunity!

We finally got back to Anthony’s place. Walking down the long corridor, hand in hand, to his door, my heart started racing again. I couldn’t wait until we got in, I was desperate to kiss him, to run my hands up and down his back and his torso. I felt ready. As we got into his apartment, Anthony switched the lights on and turned to look at me.

“I’ve got something for you, close your eyes.” I did as he said, he held me hand and then put something cold in it. I looked down to find a door key. “To my apartment. I want you to feel you can come at any time, whether I’m here or not.” I felt this overwhelming wave of love coming over me, I looked up at him and kissed him.

“Thank you Anthony, I’ve never met a guy like you, you make me feel so special, so wanted.”

Anthony looked deep into my eyes, “I think I’m in love with you, Mel.”

I carried on holding Anthony’s hand, smiling at him, and then he pulled me in for a hug. We parted and I looked at him, I felt my heart fluttering, I completely felt the same way, no words could describe how amazing he made me feel. I stood on my tiptoes, and lightly kissed him, and then I whispered into his ear,

“I think I’m ready now.”

#Right on Time fanfic #Red Hot Chili Peppers #Anthony Kiedis #Flea #Chad Smith #John Frusciante #Red Hot Chili Peppers Fanfic

[briannawhiteme]

Please don't judge me too harshly

I am very selfish.

Most people don't realize this about me. If you were to ask someone who knows me in real life , they'd probably tell you the opposite. They'd tell you about how selfless I am, how kind. And I'd bask in it like a lizard under a light. Eyes closed, body leaning towards the source, as I try to drink it in. I have an almost pathological need to be liked by the people I want to like me. It's very stupid.

To an outsider, it would seem random. There's no political or social reason why I choose people. I have no interest in climbing any ladders. I don't care if the executive director of my museum likes me, but I would want to die if I learned Tim, my colleague who fixes broken exhibits, didn't like me. Not even if he didn't like me, but if I learned he thought I was slightly annoying.

I love to listen to other people's problems. To stroke their hair and whisper platitudes that are never good enough, to tell them everything is going to be all right. It makes me feel important, powerful, needed.

I usually don't feel needed in my life. I just exist. I have friends, wonderful people all of them, carefully curated. They're smart, kind, and all have chips and hairline fractures running through. I need to be wanted. I need them to tell me why they're damaged, to need me there to listen when they speak.

I collected dolls as a child. Beautiful porcelain dolls that sat on a shelf and watched me as I slept. I would fluff thir dresses and dust them from time to time. I didn't have many friends at school. The few I had were always kept at arms length - I never trusted them not to turn on me. My dolls watched me, silently and without judgment, as I went about my friendless life.

I let myself trust two people once I got to high school, Matt and Hannah. I was in love with Matt. He had soft curls and a kind laugh. He was dating a girl who I called a friend, Chelsee, then they broke up. I asked him out then couldn't stop crying when he told me no. We didn't talk after that. He came out as gay two weeks later. He got married a little over 3 years ago. He and his husband seem happy on Facebook.

Hannah was sharp. She had sharp elbows, sharp cheekbones, and sharp, intimidating green eyes. She was mean and nobody liked her. She was the only person in our school that never had an issue with me not being religious. She enjoyed kicking me, finding soft spots physically and mentally. I was usually covered in bruises from her punches and kicks, and she reminded me daily that I was dumb and fat and worthless. Being near her always smelled like petrichor and felt like the stillness before lightning struck. She abondoned me when she made better friends, though I still chased after her like a puppy, ignoring her kicks and pretending not to hear as she told me I was not her friend whenever anyone else was in earshot.

By college, I knew my place. I tried to make myself small. I followed behind my randomly assigned roommate because she reminded me of Hannah. I built a wall though. That was new.

In college I learned to make photocopies of relevant bits of myself, folded them into paper airplanes, then threw over the side. It didn't feel like it was actually me; it felt safer.

This is when I began collecting people and their stories.

Cassie was the first. She was kind. She complimented me, genuinely, over things I thought were invisible. She shared parts of herself openly as though it was as easy as breathing. We were roommates Junior year. She is strong, and she is GOOD. She works for her state's Justice Center, ensuring people are aware of what gov assistance they are eligible for.

Megan and I were in the lobby of our floor freshman year. Our rooms were separated by the ra's dorm. Megan liked to brew coffee and invite people to socialize with us. We both hated ourselves but hid it well. We became friends from proximity and because she was willing to drive me back home. We were from the same city, and I had no license or car.

I met Tess through Megan. Tess was tall and sharp. She initially made me think of Hannah with her sharp angles. She liked to be crude to use her own traumas as a weapon to scare people away. People talked about her with a specific tone. She was a lesbian, she smoked weed, she had tattoos - not the cute, still healing infinity symbol like others but a giant dragon on her bicep, and she had what seemed like an endless line of men and women going in and out of her room - everyone assumed she was sleeping with all of them - she was with most. She sat on the edge during group events and acted even jumper than me. I came to hate the oilyness with which people said her name before I ever properly talked to her.

I had been diagnosed with panic attacks and anxiety in high school. I tried to keep other people from knowing about it.

Still early during freshman year, Cassie's friends invited me to hang out, do makeup, pre-game before a frat party. I was anxious about it all week. I was on the verge of an episode, so I took my panic pill before I went to the dorm. My doctor never told me it interacted with alcohol.

I drank less than a half bottle of orange juice with 2 shots of vodka in it. I was only a few sips in when my speech started slurring and the others began picking on me for being a lightweight, this quickly turned to concern and they sent me back to my own dorm. Megan was in the lobby, drinking coffee, pretending to read a book of philosophy. She thought I was high, I don't know what kind of drug she thought. She was right, but I don't think she ever believed that it was on my panic meds. I didn't want to go to my room. I was wired and being in my room was boring. Less than half the way through her cup of coffee she went to her own room to get away from me. She left the door open so she keep an ear on me. I lay on the couch and babbled about time and how I could feel it on my skin but couldn't keep track of it in my head.

Tess showed up for this part. This was the first time we had a real conversation, outside of heys in the hallway. She didn't ask what was going on. She just sat next to me and spoke gently to me like I was talking like a real person. Megan tried to tell her I was high, but I protested and tried to explain my meds. She didn't care one way or another but believed me over Megan. I had no wall that night. No defenses. But she didn't hurt me. Not even an accidental brush against one of my still tender bruises.

We talked about this fairly recently. She said she wasn't a nice person and that anyone would do the same thing. I told her it was a lie. Nobody else even wanted to make eye contact with me that night.

I... I still thought I was straight at this point, but I think I fell a little in love with her that night. If nothing else she became #1on the "don't scare away - we want them to like us list."

After that, when Megan had groups in our lobby we would sit beside each other. We were both quiet, but occasionally I would get soft questions from her, like "who's your favorite Greek goddess? Or what's your favorite animal?" They always caught me off guard, so I would answer truthfully and with detail. Then I would cringe, I was always half expecting to be chased away for showing to much. But she never did, she just asked more questions and would be caught off guard when I wanted to know her answers to these questions.

She wasn't used to that. People wanting to see her. Most people who would be kind were put off by her image, and those that weren't usually wanted her for something. She wanted attention and would do anything to get it.

I wanted to know more. To know why she was so kind. She kept me at arm's length in general. It hurt sometimes, but she always said she was a bad person. Occasionally, she would get drunk and seek me out, then we would sit in the lobby or in her room, and she would tell me her "sins" like I was her priest. As though she needed forgiven. I never knew what to say, I'd usually just lie and say things were all right.

People were cruel to her, and sometimes she defended herself. Even good people would be cruel. She was smart enough to hear the tone with which they said her name. She knew she was whispered about in bathrooms and dorms. Girls upset that with her for sleeping with their boyfriends for Ritalin and better weed. I don't think she thought I heard, that I knew. She didn't think I was stupid. Not like Hannah, though there were nights I cried because it felt the same. She thought I was good, pure, better and thought I'd have gone if I knew.

Tess and I had a required health class together first semester sophomore year. Megan had dropped out and I would sometimes remember to reach out, ask to hang out when I was in town. Tess's dorm was on the other side of campus and we no longer had Megan as a bridge. We sat together in health. She never moved to sit next to someone cooler. She would miss class sometimes. She was a full time 3rd shift dishwasher at a local casino. Her coworkers were mostly recent prison releases. But never asked to see my notes and seemed ashamed whenever I offered to pick up assignments for her.

I used a sharp tongue covered in honey that I didn't even know I possessed to convince the health prof to give her a c not an F, lowering my own grade from an a to a c in the process. I only just recently told her. I didn't say anything at the time.

She wrote a story about a fey creature who had my blue eyes and long dark hair and worked in a college library like me. The narrator was in love with the library being. It was beautiful. I texted Megan to know if Tess liked-liked me like I was 13. I think Megan thought I was having "straight-girl-who's-friends-with-a lesbian-panic" and assured me that she didn't. I asked her after class if the narrator was her. I think she had the same thought as Megan and assured me with no small amount of panic in her voice that her narrator was male. I think she threw the story away after that. I don't remember. I mostly remember being very, very disappointed and surprised by my own disappointment.

The following May, i had one of my favorite nights ever. Tess and I got extremely drunk and both of our walls went down. We held each other, crying about how much we loved each other, unwilling to part for even a second. I spent the night in her dorm.

I woke up to soft sunlight, birdsong through her open window, and the gentle acrid smell of the cigarette she held between her fingers and out the window. It was the closest I had ever felt to being truly happy in that moment. I realized I loved her then.

I thought I might be in love with the idea of being in love. I had never felt that way for another girl. It took until I was out of college to realize I had only felt anything similar for Matt. To this day I have felt that way that strongly for only her. And weakly for less than a five.

I didn't tell her. She had a fiancée, a terrible fiancee that made her feel bad about herself and left her with deeper scars on her psyche than Hannah had ever dreamed of leaving on me.

She told me around the same time that I was the only person who had never wanted anything from her. She said so softly, and I realized how delicate she truly was in that moment. I knew I couldn't tell her. Not then.

Then not the following spring when she and her fiancee were married in a ceremony that was the antithesis of anything she wanted and was only attended by her fiancees family and friends. I see this now, but at the time all I saw was that she didn't even invite me to her wedding.

I was a coward. I was scared of rejection. I began holding her further away, and we saw less of each other.

I became good friends with Benni. They were soft and always excited to see me around that time. Many, myself included, compared them to a golden retriever. Though now I've seen that they're so, so angry. That being seen as soft is a choice - their wall. I kept my walls up around them. They felt things so strongly - seemed so soft that I didn't trust them to see anything other than my facade. I still let them in on occasion. They realized they were agender and helped me realize I was queer. That not everything had to have a pretty little box.

Then we graduated, and Tess got divorced. We talked, well texted. We made plans - I'd go down to visit her. I wanted to tell her, but i was scared. But it felt predatory so soon after her divorce, and it felt like I had been lying to her for so long. I did want something from her. I wanted her close to me, and happy, and aware that she was loved. I still have never had a successful relationship. I think my record for dating was 1 month with a man I never learned the surname of while I was studying abroad. Having her as a friend was better than nothing.

When I saw her, it was the happiest she'd ever been. She had started dating a man who treated her like a person. The house was solely in her name. And she had just adopted roughly 10 "unadoptable" barn cats who would otherwise have been euthanized.

My heart broke. I truly am a bad person. Someone I cared about was finally happy and I was upset by that fact. I was awkward all weekend. I don't know what she thought of me.

We barely kept in contact but each time I saw her name in my phone i would become obsessed again. I compare everybody I meet to her, and they always come up short, especially me.

I began to wonder if I was actually in love with her. My therapist seemed convinced I was in love with the idea of being in love.

Then about a month ago we were texting and something inside me broke. I shared so much I had been hiding, and she didn't shy away from me. She didn't tell me how my problems weren't that bad or how I could fix them "if I just". She just listened and responded, and I did the same for her.

I had to tell her. It began eating me up inside once more. We spoke on the phone. It was awkward for the first few minutes. Then we actually talked. Then I knew I had to tell her. That I needed her to know - I was shaking. She was shocked. She apologized and told me she wasn't a good person. That she was cruel and mean and hurt people. I pointed out she had only ever tried to protect me. That she only treated people the way they treated her. She just kept apologizing for being my crush for me feeling this way for years for me wanting to protect her.

I had expected it to be awkward, or for her to be angry, or just to never hear from her again.

But we just talked, it was like a non-drunk, condensed, and slightly but not nearly bad as I had been afraid of awkward version of that may night so many years ago.

It was wonderful. My walls were completely down in front of her, and she was treating my misshapen form like it was something beautiful, something holy that deserved protection. She didn't let down her own, but I didn't even notice as I greedily absorbed her praise.

I only realized the next day that she never told me how she felt about me.

We spoke last week. She cried about her friend who overdosed. How she should have been the one who died.

I want her here. Away from her past and her present and here with me. I want her where I can protect her and let her know she's worthy of being cared for.

I don't have anything. I can barely make rent for an apartment I share with my sister. I hate my job and my boss hates me. I have so many health problems. I'm depressed and anxious and sometimes hate myself for it.

School peers aside, I've never been treated cruelly. I have a family that loves me unconditionally. Friends who insist they'd listen if I called any time day or night. And I feel too guilty to reach out to any of them.

I should have something. I should be able to offer something. But I can't. I just absorb others' stories, existing on the fringes of them.

#Personal #please dont judge me #Names have not been changed

[foxsbasement]

Festival Celebrations: Seven Years Later

It picks up right after Daikt faints with a time skip. In Istolisa with a lively celebration. There are fireworks going off, people dancing, streets full of lights and shining stars watching them off. After taking a glass of wine, Maureen goes into a closed off section of the Ice Palace, her bedroom with Daikt. It's completely dark, with Daikt hunched over looking down against a wall. "Daikt, it's lively right now. You should come out and enjoy it." Maureen said. Daikt groans. "How can you say that when today is supposed to be his birthday?" he growls. "It's been seven years, and we still haven't been able to find Kirowl during these celebrations in Norata, he could be all but dead!" Maureen wraps her arms around Daikt's shoulders, handing him her glass of wine. In front of him on the wall is a portrait of Kirowl with candles lit next to it, clearly a shrine for deceased. "Have some alcohol, it makes me feel better," Maureen jokes. "It hurts me too, it honestly does. I've sent knights all over the realms... but they can't find him. His kidnappers stopped sending us ransom notes and his... fingers... years ago, it's likely either he's escaped or he's dead, though if he's escaped and still not found... then..." she puts her hand on her face. "I'm sorry, he's your son too." Daikt replies, sighing and drinking the wine. "Just come out, tonight IS his birthday, and there's a little ceremony some people are holding for him, Karowl is there. She's upset, too." "I'd like to go to that, I haven't seen Karowl since her trip, I still have one child too annoy." Before they can get to the ceremony though, an explosion happens, and people start screaming. An attack without warning. Daikt literally freaks out as the attacks grow worse, he literally picks up Maureen (Against her wishes) and then hands her to Félari to get to safety and she promises to do so. Then he goes to look for Karowl as she has not been found yet, and he's not about to use his other dear child because of an attack on what is supposed to be the happiest celebration of the year. The raiders continue to attack the castles as different knights fight them back, for the most part successful, though the random bombs placed everywhere isn't really helpful. Daikt manages to find Karowl before she's too hurt, only a bit scratched up. She's shook and Daikt hugs her. "It's okay, it's okay." he says. "Dad!" she exclaims. "We're going to get you to safety, I promise." And he starts to take her away but then is attacked by two raiders. One of them is dressed neck to toe in all block, his head showing, just like the rest of them, but the other one is one of the leaders of the raiders, and his entire head is covered by a crow mask, similar to a black plague mask. Black, dark, with giant black glass eyes to see through but not show anything, and a giant curved beak that strikes you with chills. Daikt fights them off while protecting his daughter, but then Ce comes in and helps a bit and Daikt yells at him to get Karowl to safety and Ce says "Yes sir!" and then gets Karowl away. Daikt manages to beat the one that's like the others easily, but the one wearing the crow mask actually manages to match Daikt's talents, and they go toe-to-toe fightingbehind a building that blew up. They both manage to hit and kick each other a decent amount, but escape before a fatal hit happens but continue to fight as Daikt is pretty pissed that he tried to kidnap his daughter, and then kicks the guy in the head so hard the crow mask cracks and off, while the wearer fell to the ground. Daikt goes to the crow mask man (who's mask is kicked off) and lifts him up to stare at. "Why are you people attac-" he begins but then stops and gasps. "No, no... this can't be." Underneath the mask, that person... ...was Kirowl. Daikt, who had been holding Kirowl by his hair, just stares from absolute horror that not only is this his SON grown up, not only has his lost, grown-up son been ATTACKING his home and trying to kidnap his sister, but that he just FOUGHT with his son, and hit him in the head to the point that this Kirowl is bleeding from the forehead, a stream of blood going down his face. Despite all of this, Kirowl smirks. "Hi, dad. Long time no see, I always thought you were going to be the one I met, though if we actually managed to hold Ka randsom, she'd be the first one to find out I'm alive." he says. "Thanks for the bruises, does this count as abuse or not because you didn't know it was me?" he's joking so care freely, as if this whole situation hadn't fazed him at all. "No no no no... K-Kirowl, is this... really... really you?" Daikt asked, letting him go out of horror and slowly backing away. Kirowl stands back up, taking a little bit to do so as the fight has caused hid body pain, something that as soon as Daikt realized causes him great guilt. Kirowl chuckles as this mockingly. "Yeah, it's me, want me to prove it?" he stares at his father with his piercing blue eyes, and a completely cold and heartless face, nothing like the Kirowl that Daikt had remembered. Not the pure, innocent, loving boy always clinging to his father and friends, and certainly not like him the last time he saw him, crying and terrified while nearly dying. "Why are you doing this?" Daikt asks, tears running down his face. Kirowl sneered. "Sorry dad, but I'm not pathetic like the rest of you." he takes his mask and put it back on, though leaves his hood off this time, letting his hair out. He then shows his wrist under his long sleeve, revealing a thick grey bracelet with a red light on it. "Here's a little gift for our reunion, if you let me escape, then I'm going to take this bracelet, which is actually a bomb, off and set it off to blow up here, but if you decide to capture me, then I won't let it come off me and press this button. It'll attach itself to my wrist, and blow me up. And I'm all game for either choice," Daikt can't see it, but Kirowl is laughing at his father's pain. "And just so you know if you can't give me an answer by a minute, then I'll let myself blow up in a crowd of people." Kirowl declares By the gods, what has happened to his Kirowl? What did they do to him to turn him into this? Daikt is basically having a panic attack, crying out. He walks up to Kirowl and holds his shoulder softly. "P-please... Kirowl don't do this." he was about to take the crow mask off to wipe the blood Kirowl bled on his face but Kirowl violently shook Daikt off, pushing him to the ground. "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME YOU DIRTY MAN!" Kirowl screamed out to his father. He secured the mask on his face and jumped back, even if the mask had a crack that let you see his nose and half of his left eye, and some of his blood "Don't you EVER try to act fatherly, or loving, or show any sympathy to me, because I will never see you as anything other than a BEAST." Kirowl exclaimed. Out of shock, Daikt felt weak and horrible, unable to process that his own beloved child was doing this. Kirowl uses this opportunity to growl, annoyed at him.  "Just for this, I'm going to make a third option for you." Kirowl uses this moment of horror of Daikt to kick him harshly in the stomach and throw him to the ground. "K-Kirowl..." Daikt called out. "Don't say that name, that's not me anymore." Kirowl proclaims, starring at him through the mask. He takes off the bracelet and pressed the red button and it began to beep. He threw it near Daikt. "i hope it kills you." Daikt cries a bit, and is ready to sucuumb to death because of his son, but then snaps out of it long enough realizing that if he does this he won't be able to, as he sees it 'save' his son from whatever has done this to him, and also he doesn't want to leave the rest of his family too. He takes the bracelet and launches it in the air, letting it explode up in the sky and not cause damage Kirowl grits his teeth, not happy with this development, with badass mode on, Daikt runs over to Kirowl and forcefully grabs his arm. "You're coming with me." "Really?" Kirowl asked, even if they can't see his face you can tell a smirk is there. "I don't thi-" An explosion happens behind them, knocking both to the ground. Kirowl sits up and coughs as a figure from the attackers comes up to him. "YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED FOR ME TO FINISH SPEAKING BEFORE HELPING ME ESCAPE, AJUNOK?" he exclaims. "Sorry baby bird, but we have to go right now. I don't care about your vendetta against your family. The knights are closing in on our forces." The man, seemingly named Ajunok said as he helps Kirowl up. "Time to go," Kirowl says. Daikt coughs and is fallen on the floor, and since the explosion was more near him and he's weak, can't get up. He looks up before he falls unconscious calling "Kirowl," like he did many years ago. "Ta-da, Daikt." Kirowl says as if that man isn't his father, refusing to call him dad anymore. As his vision fades, Daikt realizes who the man named Ajunok is next to Kirowl that was the man who took Kirowl away, kidnapping him, many many years ago...

#black quartz universe #long post #daikt #kirowl #prince kirowl #my ocs #original characters