#look idk i was just enabled too hard by friends and thats what happens | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

of-dream-land · 1 year

Note

For this post ... If you haven't been asked yet, Magolor ~

YESSSSS omg this is perfect bc i have a LOT of hcs about magolor

attraction headcanon: i see him as pansexual !! leaning maybe a little more towards guys though

gender headcanon: i think he just doesn't rly care about that. like he says he's a guy out of convenience but i don't think he cares or thinks about that too hard

a ship i have with this character: oh boy. oh MAN. i have quite a few ships with magolor LOL so ill just go through all of them and explain my reasoning behind them i guess?

magoranza: GRAHHHHH.... i love them a lot. i think its my number one ship w him. i like to think that its smth that happens very gradually too. maybe they don't really like each other at first/find the other a little annoying but then eventually they get closer and catch feelings idk.... i like to imagine them as part of the same best friend group (w marx and susie too) so they get to spend more time that way since theyre together more often. also i just think they contrast each other nicely!! like ally who turns out to be an antagonist + antagonist who turns out to be an ally....auauauau

magochilly: THEY'RE VERY CUTE...!! its a little particular tho bc i dont necessarily like/agree w the way it was portrayed in the manga (making magolor this obsessive over chilly is very weird and creepy) but i think the fandom version of magochilly is adorable so im choosing to make my own too. i kinda just see them as magolor being all loud and open abt his love for chilly and chilly just being a little shy abt it but reciprocating when its just the two of them bc hes not used to pda and all... idk!! its very sweet to me

magoroach: so like. this one kind of started as a joke LMAO,,, the little animation scene in the main menu of star allies where daroach steals the lor and magolor runs after him kind of defined their entire relationship to me ngl LOL. like, magolor is a snarky piece of shit but daroach is someone an even BIGGER snarky piece of shit and i think thats smth magolor doesnt expect so he gets riled up p easily by him. i dont rly ship it that seriously tho i mostly see it as like,, smth they just Have eventually but its never that serious

magometa(?)/metalor(?): i dont know the ship name but LMKSDJJSDKL THIS SHIP IS FUNNY TO ME bc i already have a hc that meta knight fucking HATES magolor after the events of krtdl, so their rs to me is basically just the "you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up" "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" meme. again more of a joke ship that i plan on making very specific fanart of eventually but i dont rly ship it that seriously

thats all for the ships. ahem. back to normal business

a brotp i have with this character: MARX!!!!! i think marx and magolor are best friends but in the way that they can't stand each other. they hate each other but they're always together. they enable each other. they bring out the worst in one another. if one of them died the other probably wouldn't care. they complete each other they start shit together they-- YOU GET ME. i love them. best worsties. worst besties. etc etc. i could talk abt their dynamic all day they mean so much to me

a notp i have with this character: m*rxolor im sorryyy (censoring so it doesnt end up in research tags)... there's nothing wrong w the ship! it's just not my cup of tea bc i see their rs as strictly platonic. also obvious one but him and kirby bc kirby is a child and i hc magolor to be a young adult so.

a random headcanon: i like to imagine that magolor has more cat-like attributes that arent just shown on his appearance. like he probably has a cat tree in the lor that he just uses for fun. he reacts to lasers the same way cats do. he probably purrs idk? if u dangle smth in front of him he'll stop what he's doing to catch it

general opinion of this character: I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHHH he might be my current fav character of all times :] he's so fun and cringe (lovingly) and loveable!!! he makes me very happy. i could talk abt him for hours i could draw him for hours i could watch video essays abt him and abt kirby's return to dream land for hours too he is my everything my little meow meow my nyagolor (heart emoji) (heart emoji) (egg emoji) (gear emoji) (cat emo

#THIS IS SOOOO LONG IM SO SORRYUFDFKGJHDFJHKDF #i just love magolor #(no one is surprised)#magolor #moon replies #asks #ask meme

8 notes · View notes

realdeadlovin · 3 years

Text

and i feeeeel like, im sleeping when im NOT!

welp

brian has been visiting and weve been cuddling/ having sex. it seems chill?

i wont say there wasn’t a part of me that thought maybe something cuddly would happen // that I would want it, though i didnt expect to be like sorta so quickly back to sleeping together // being super touchy and flirty and all that.

sula is sitting on a newspaper.

but anyways. i knew that i was craving human contact and also that i was feeling affectionate towards brian and excited to see him. not that those things need to = cuddling but im not super surprised that that ended up being something i wanted. i am surprised how into it im feeling // into him. i dont know that that means anything overall, its not news that im capable of having feelings for brian, its just interesting and not what i expected.

been drinking a lot, more than i have in a while and i think also more than he has in a while. thats kinda a bummer though its been fun. i wont say like, enabling bc that implies hes the one with the problem not me, which isn’t true, but it makes me worry that like idk, that isn’t a healthy influence on each other and i feel like im leaning into that too hard bc idk, drinking w brian is familiar and fun and i miss having a drinking buddy instead of feeling self conscious and like everyone around me has no temptation around alcohol at all and i feel bad about myself. but it feels bad bc i feel like im back in that sorta place of like, “eventually ill get this more under control’ and rn that “eventually” is when brians gone, not cause its his fault, but bc its an imaginary deadline. and like, when hes gone it’ll be harder for me to have like a lot of alcohol around the house and not drink it all. but rn i feel like im drinking more than him, and am also doing it when hes not here (like tonight) bc the more i drink the more i want to drink, like sex. the more i have the more i want til it gets a lil outta control.

but anyways. i could analyze if the feelings ive been having for brian mean anything in the long term but meh. i have tried to check myself on like, am i being reckless with this persons feelings who I have hurt in the past? am I using him bc I am starved for human contact and it feels nice and validating to be loved? but, the emotional reality feels mutual in the moment like i feel like i love him too, it doesn’ tjust feel indulgent. it feels like i think hes cute and funny and loving in nature and i enjoy being around him. which, as before, somehow feels weird bc i feel like the second things got more ~official~ all the things that anger me about him// all our differences would rise to the surface. somehow i feel less afraid of that than before, but also it doesn’t feel like ... thats something i should contend with if i dont have to &that isn’t what this is or the road to go down. buuut i feel like last time things started i was like “woo that sex was fun but isn’t leading anywhere serious!” and brian was like nah i wanna be with you and shit got all intense and yeah. which is why checkin in feels good, to make sure i not just being naive and telling myself the narrative convenient for me. idk whatever. im gonna b a paralegal and have a 9-5 office job in tucson arizona what the heck in the jeck.

well, the good news is i haven’t been thinking about brian wolford anymore, but taht feels like it stopped before satterwhite // isn’t directly related. i dont know hwo that stopped but it feels like it just somehow purged itself.

I dunno, I’ve been feeling good, and I’m like, why have I been feeling good? which is a weird question to ask but so, I won’t question it.

****interject with **** sooo I wrote something here about processing border violence and verbal processing and I don’t know where I put it??? errk***

oh, while i was walking aorund before processing violence, i was also processing some stuff w/ semra and brian before brian and i had our first thing? i wonder if I haev ever truly explained the emotional experience of being with semra. but, and again I’ve said thsi before, I feel like... I have, and sophie hasn’t listened? I think brian and sarah perceived it a lot better than sophie. sophie has seemed avoidant of the topic when ive brought it up in some ways. i was a little struck by when i was talking about it and i mentioned looking up the emotional abuse checklist she was like “oh woah I didn’t know you had looked that up” and I think I felt like.. I have referred to this relationship as abusive and I think youve like balked at/ avoided responding to that. and it had felt weird.

see now, stuff like this, I do wonder like if I analyze interactions and relationships a lot more than other people and///or if I like, being quieter and less expressive, tend to just like have a lot more things bottled up than others? like I still have a fair amount of like angst about when things were bad w/ me and sophie. mostly I feel upset about when she said that her perception was that like, I was in a bad place but taht I was like “too far gone” or beyond reach. she kinda mentioned something about that today and i was like. yea, even though things are good with us I still like feel some anger when I think about that. but I also feel like a friend hypocrite cause I’m like, did I express my concern her first year of teaching? or rather... was I concerned? or just angry and upset that she was not fun to be around. like am I just only always selfish and think about things in terms of how they affect me. and my anger can be just and well placed but I don’t have the same self awareness. and my guilt, when i feel it, is ill placed too and based in insecurity more than genuine concern. this feels true.

but like I mean, that dynamic of feeling like I have years-old qualms or angst in my close relationships---- feels like other people dont have that ?? like Lore feeling like everything is great between us and thers no conflict when I’m having like complicated feelings about her dominating me in conversations and failing to actually listen to me. liek its like do I have this victim complex or something or lead myself into these dynamics, and then other people seem to just like, have these simple joy in friendships. liiiike. not that other people dont have complicated feelings about friendships i get that they do. but i just feel like sometimes i find myself being like I’ve been really analyzing and in my angst about this like, dynamic that is just like, what is a great and easy friendship in my life!

0 notes

tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

2:03pm, what the hell.

Thursday, January 2nd of 2020.

Time is a concept that I can't comprehend.

What's on my mind?:

Losing Patrick wasn't just losing a boyfriend or someone attractive to bang, it was losing a good friend. I don't have THAT many of those around here, and like, kinda sucks if the one person I'd like to be sitting in their car with at a view, or in a drive thru or sime shit, is someone I just can't really see or speak to.

Since on a day like this, I'd be going, "I should check in with Patrick", and trying to see if he'd like to drag me around the lake, or get some breakfast, or something.

And that's just not happened yet.

I shouldn't wait by the phone as if he's gonna pop up like, "Hey Tamia, let's get coffee today!", and totally ignore the "you threw sprite on me and potentially let me crying in my car" incident we had.

(Was he crying? I don't know, he looked only mildly uncomfortable. But then again, he always looks mildly uncomfortable..... And eh, I don't think a grown man would slam on his horn like that at 2am, unless he was either really enraged, or.... crying.)

I only feel bad about things when I think about how *he* feels too hard.....

But it doesn't matter how he feels. Not at this point in time, when I'm alone, and his request was specifically for me to not talk to him, and thats just obvious for me.

Going "aw i regret what happened that night :,(" doesnt change his decision, or the fact that im alone, yet again.

And it doesnt help me heal, or get over things at all.

So the alternative is easy; going "he did kinda deserve that", (the soda i mean,) and then looking elsewhere.

The thoughts will go away eventually, thats all.

.........

I guess his crying also rubbed me the wrong way.

It was:

Sweet, since, ive never seen him cry to that extent. And, i wouldnt have expected him to get this emotional about us breaking up........ Bittersweet, since crying wouldnt change anything.

Annoying, since he's crying over something that he could've resolved himself. Oh boo hoo, you're dumping me for..... idiotic ass reasons that all happened from your lack of responsibility and backbone, and yet you're crying on my shoulder snd holding me, for.... what reason? It feels off, "Hold me as i cry, right before i tell you i no longer want to date you anymore, and that i also am going to hate the idea of seeing or speaking to you anytime soon."

Maybe cute, but not in a sadistic way. Idk, it felt good hugging him, and he sounded like Scully when she's eager to be pet from the way he was whimpering.... That's a fucked up comparison, but idk, hard to explain why i find emotional vulnerability in a man that i obviously had romantic feelings for made me like them.....

......sigh.

I wondered his reasons for wanting to not see me.

The conk made him hate me? Or would seeing me just be too awkward too soon? He claimed he had absolutely no more romantic feelings for me, which could either be complete heartbreaking honesty, or a "i gotta say this, or shes gonna keep trying to fix a relationship that i dont wanna fix" type schtick.

.......god.

I still just kinda wished we did something else for his birthday; seperately. It hurts a lot differently being told the day of, when I was excited and amped up and overall feeling so good..... that oh, she doesn't want me there.

And three different people want to fight me if I show up.

And...... jesus fucking christ, he's allowing them to express their right to curse me out over his supposed "right to have me there", how amazing! Yeah, enabler.

If I was just told on Christmas Night that it was a little soon, but that I could have a breakfast with him on his birthday, or whatever...... i wonder what all wouldve happened.

.....

But, things happened this way for a reason.

Revealed that he broke his promise to me. That I wasn't valued, in the way I hoped I was. That he could see or do all this and that with me, and still was happy to get rid of the relationship.

Since, God, all the things I did for him that he could never do for me? Even asking for compliments back or a basic "you look nice today" after taking forever getting ready to see him, was like draining blood from a rock.

And there I was, going gift shopping for fucking Bernard for Megamind! The most unappreciative asshole I have ever fucking met! Who gets a gift and then spends 4 minutes going "See, i drink coffee, but i dont LIKE coffee MERCHANDISE, you see???", and COMPLAINING over a gift that i got him.... and can barely even muster out a thank you?

Then he wondered why i was so fucking upset? God, i went to cry like, three times in his bathroom. What the fuck is wrong with him?

I'll try to not think about it too hard, since if I do, then I may or may not go to his door and demand it back...... which may reflect poorly on me.

.....

This is exactly why I don't like dating people who wanna be "trained" on relationships.

You'll have to practically give a TED talk on why groaning and scoffing in disgust at a gift you don't like, is not very cash money of them to do to the girlfriend they JUST had gotten back with.

Or why it's weird to have me meet every friend that lives miles away from home, but not the closest ones, who literally live in their freaking neighborhood?

Or "Patrick, I can't think of every date we go on, it makes me think I am not liked if you cant picture doing more than shacking up in your bed."

Which I think is why I went for XPatrick the second he texted me, "Hey, im in town for a wedding, wanna get in and out tonight?", in October or whenever that was..... Since XPatrick knew me a lot better, and was more experienced with chivalry, so it was easy as hell for him to know what to do sometimes.

"Me and Patrick aren't official, and I rarely get to see XPatrick, so itll just be a platonic date! And even then, well, not much will happen right?" - me, maybe an hour before the night i got my cervix tapped by my ex

Idk, just little things.

He was still an aloof guy, XPatrick, but that's his disability, and i wont bash him for it at all. Otherwise, he was sweet. Paid for my milkshake that night, gave me his jacket when I was cold, held my food for me when we were walking to find a table....

Plus, he remembered that I tend to get sensory overload when I am around too noisy of an environment and then I either am more prone to get disoriented, or irritable, so he helped me get to his car to eat and talk, as opposed to standing in a place of shouting teens..... Thoughtfulnsss plays a huge role in having chivalry.

(I wouldnt be shocked if this was the story i probably may have wrote on this tumblr once before, that Azalea tried to send to Patrick. But newsflash, no need to worry, he was literally informed of it the very next day.)

And.... yeah.

For once, I had a night of feeling fully satisfied. No having to say, "Hey, you glare at me every time you see me, seems like you dislike my presence", not having a guy nut in six seconds before fully sliding in, having valid emotional intimacy and positive sexual stimulation.....

Yeah, i needed that.

Its obvious that when its "The guy who will scoff and say that its 'uhhh, fine?', when he's dryly hitting it from the back.... before cumming in maybe ten seconds", and "Your hot ex boyfriend, who you clearly still have strong feelings for, emotionally stimulates you, knows how to make your whole face turn hot, and can actually tap your cervix in a pleasant way..."

It was obvious.

And, just one night.

Not to say I didn't feel guilty the next day, during the graveyard watercolor (was that even a date or a hangout? i think it was a hangout, but i was anxious, since its like "why do i feel so bad about banging my ex if im not even 100% sure this is even a date?????")

And then that's when we had our cute, yet insanely awkward, turned hostile.... "hangout".

Then we stopped talking.....

Till I apologized.

And I guess all of that, despite me obviously enjoying my time with my ex, to an extent, it was still "I care about Patrick, as a friend", and I didn't have dating him in mind.

But, one thing lead to another... and we dated.

Its a shame. I miss how we were before. Just kind of awkward friends, and whatnot.

And until I somehow find a way to desire how he's currently like in my life again......

I wont miss him.

Threw too much away too late and it hurt all too bad....

2:54pm.

I liked the innocence of when we had made up and became friends again. Or our first date, even. Way before other people got involved, and when it was just as simple as, "Patrick is free today, and so am I. Let's go get him out the house today".

....I'll cherish the memories, but not as intensely. I just wanted the whole relationship to feel as good as that had been, and, now im upset because.....

He doesnt wanna see me anymore, and, theres no more hidden crushes, or days spent wandering around with him. All the good shit is gone, and whats left is angry tweets and tumblr posts.

That's so upsetting. :/ I'll never be able to talk to him for a while, man. Its never gonna be resolved. Whether its friends, dating, him seeing someone else, and maybe even me seeing someone else; i dont think we can go back to how things were before.

And that says a lot; when the optimistic one in the relationship finally just goes, "Our friendship is never gonna be the same ever again because of the way all of this shit went down".

I'll always be thinking, "He's got his friends. He doesnt need me in the way id need him."

And he wouldn't fucking think about me period.

Thats all. Peace out

#life #exes #yikes #super

0 notes

tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

2:00pm, December 15th of 2019.

Can't even enjoy shopping, but then again, the local Forever 21 changed their entire layout, and H&M finds it logical to charge 30 dollars for the most basic items ever.

"Like this long sleeve? Its forty bucks! Nice dress right? Yeaaaah its 99 dollars."

And the dude in the dressing rooms said out loud that he thought this stuff was "surprisingly cheap".... these shirts are see through and the fabrics are subpar, none of this should be charged this high.

Outside of a disappointing shopping experience, I also got

Its annoying, the transition from "I'm breaking up with you for keeping secrets from me and enabling idiotic and rude ass behavior from your bitch ass friend", to "Yay, hes dumping me, because hes too pussy."

I'm not a total naive cynic, I already know itd be weird dating someone after we both made our own seperate scenes, and whatnot.

Plus, its for the better.

We all know he still wouldn't have made an effort to get his friends to even so much as meet me, considering how everything had went down.

(And thus, I still regret nothing in terms of telling that nosy ass bitch to go fuck herself.)

Anyway.

Got clothes, stuff that'll keep my arms warm. And some jewellery.... its a shame I never got my necklace back.

....Don't know how I feel about Patrick, honestly.

Admittedly I find it sort of pathetic.

What *I* did was definitely to an extent pathetic, but that was more of a "I blocked him so he wouldnt see shit, and his friends I barely speak to anyways; so...."

Mine was "oh look im chaotic and also sharing how stupid things got to the point where i had left him."

His was posting pictures of me and going "she dumped me lol (laughter to hide the pain)"..... even I didn't go that pathetic.

(Still posted pictures to my private spam, but i just said "its been a long ass day", not an odd declaration like that to openly tell all my friends, distant or close, that I got absolutely cucked by my ex girlfriend or something.)

Did I get cucked? Thats up for debate.

Anyways.

Now that I'm done buying sweaters, time to go buy wigs, or whatever else is needed to boost self esteem some more. Get a wax? I dont know.

And if you're reading this, Patrick, you're literally just gonna make yourself feel worse.

I blocked you everywhere for the sole purpose of "I don't need him seeing what I'm up to, seeing the spouts of sadness and horniness and rage, and I dont want to see his either."

Since then itll just make you upset.

I wouldn't go "oh, i am afraid of Forbidden Animals.... let me look at blogs dedicated to nothing but Forbidden Animals."

NO! SINCE IT MAKES IT WORSE!

So stop looking at my tumblr, fucker. Go... I don't know... finish painting your walls, or building a laptop. Go wrestle with Chris, or idk, check out the steam showers and finally mess around with your sexuality I guess.

Why did i say that, now im gonna be picturing it the whole night

He said something odd in the car about how he "doesnt know about seeing other people", as it would "make things complicated"....

Bruh. You're single, and I'm single. And all I can do is not have sex with you, and probably go have sex with someone else or whatever, and not tell you about it.

So... yeah.

God, he's being so weird about this. Fucks sake.

Aaaaaaand not feeling the most ecstatic.

Plus my other ex, also named Patrick, (fuck, that makes writing these posts even harder,) wants to hang out tomorrow afternoon.

I guess thats gonna be good for me.

Really hard to be ecstatic, because:

I lost feelings for Blonde Patrick for a reason; he was just ignoring my texts, "laying with girls but not having sex with them", and it wasnt a great feeling to have a dude have you as a sexy one night stand in his moms car, just to..... not message me after it happened. Plus, he acted so iffy honestly. As if he wasnt in a car crying with me about not being together just a few nights before, with me in his arms. Acted like none of that mattered... And back to partying and my messages ignored for days!

I decided Brunette Patrick treated me better, and was becoming more relevant in life. When it came down to, "Get left on read by the ex who's too busy plowing ass and taking tests to be serious with you, who lives miles away?", or, "Be with the guy who actually plans dates with you, will be at your curb at the drop of a hat to see you, and is actually doing things no one else has done before? Flowers, candy, cool dates, and just overall good conversation?", well...... the answer was pretty present.

Even last time I called Blonde Patrick, I thought "Damn; we really do have a connection"..... and then shortly after, called Brunette Patrick, became exclusive, and talked for maybe one or two hours straight, and I thought, "Hell yeah bitch..... im not trading this shit in for anything in the damn world."

So now that my feelings shifted to someone else, its a shame I don't see Blonde Patrick the same anymore. Its less "oh god oh fuck im sweating i cant believe hes really here", and more "oh.... yeah man, how have you been? hows that dancer girl youve been smashing been? still gonna go half on everything and then try to get pussy by claiming theres an emotional attachment?"

.....fuuuuuuuuucking hell.

So yeah. To an extent, I'll blush when I see him, but damn.... gotta at least make sure that things go decent tomorrow.

Thank god I'm on my period, or I would've fucked either person and probably enjoyed it regretted it later on since neither would provide for me.

So.... I dunno, don't fuck Blonde Patrick.

He's a good guy; he'd understand. Especially after the heartbreak laaaaaast time, I'd rather have a nice night with him and just chit chatting and going home in one piece, than with an absolutely smashed cervix and fucked up panties

....odd feeling of regret or being used, then promptly forgoten about.

I guess I still do like him.

Alright.

2:27pm, time to go back to whatever I was doing. Lifes too short to sit on a bench and mope over someone who's not even sure why they're moping, so like.... go buy some skirts or something.

And last thought....

Not sure how I felt about our other night hanging out.

Glad that we at least gave that a shot. But obviously, things are complicated if I really like a person, and well... they can't show that they really like me back.

And they wont change things for the better.

Or do anything else to make anything about the situation easier....

Fuck you dude.

It shouldn't have been so hard to communicate with me, and so I left you. Imagine if you just spoke up, instead if acting like a relationship means being secretive and acting suspicious as fuck over stupid shit that wasnt even that important of a fucking deal to hide.

.....he was never gonna make an effort with me.

I really gotta stop thinking of this asshole these days.

Peace out.

#exes #yikes #coolness #peace out fams peace yalls

0 notes