#luffy saw this man being kind to a little girl; eat food off the floor and kick ass and just went. HIM. I WANT HIM | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychedelic-ink · 4 years

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Hidden by a smile

Believe me or not, I did as Law said; I didn’t try working out in secret, I didn’t try to look for something to do around the ship, in fact, I did nothing that would count as exertion at all. I walked around the ship, exploring the space – gosh, I did a lot of walking – saw Jean Bart move the shelves back into Law’s office and felt a bit guilty, so I hurried my step, I swear I stood in front of a window for hours just watching the underwater view. I also went to check on Bepo just before lunch, he was still out…

Shachi and Penguin called me over to sit with them at the mess hall. They were really nice guys and told me that Ikkaku – that they knew I was looking for – had her work cut out for her after the fight and she wouldn’t be leaving it until it was done. I also noticed Law’s absence but didn’t voice it, figuring that, as the captain, he could just eat later. We talked through lunch, the boys were alright, asked me about my crew and if I had a boyfriend – I assured them they had no chance – I was never the kind of girl that daydreams about a boy. My daydreams were about the ocean, the tides and all the mysteries they held. Still, Shachi and Penguin were fun to hang out with.

I was a bit lost in conversation when I see something that has me drop my fork and run for the door. Standing there, alive and well was a friendly face I wouldn’t soon forget “JIMBEI!” I called out just as I jump to hug him.

He hugs me back and laughs “Luna! It’s so good to know that you’re alright!” he said and I felt his voice vibrating through his big chest “When I visited your brother, I was worried for you, but Trafalgar said you might be here.”

I pulled away to look at him “I didn’t even know you were here! I thought you might’ve gone with the Whitebeard Pirates!”

“No, after I got away from Admiral Akainu, this pirate with a big red nose caught all three of us and I’m afraid I lost consciousness at around that time.” He replied.

As I let myself fall back to the ground, I noticed that he was also wrapped up in bandages “Did you get hurt?! What happened?! Are you ok?!”

He took his big hands and placed them on my shoulders, smiling kindly but I was worried, could’ve sworn that he wasn’t that badly injured before I passed out, I wondered what happened to him but he just said “Do not worry yourself with that, I’m alright now.” And dismissed my worry for a nice plate of warm food “How are you doing, Luna?”

I looked myself up and down “Eh…” I shrugged “My injuries are healing but Law is about to murder me since I keep getting new ones.” I saw his eyes widen slightly and I quickly laughed it off “Don’t worry, I’ve settled down. I… think?”

Jimbei put his left hand over my right shoulder as he was just a step short of being beside me “That’s not what I meant…” I suddenly felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder and how his arm covered most of my view “I’m sorry.” There was the smoke… The blood. My brother’s blood… I looked down at my hands – blood.

Smile. I told myself. Breathe and smile.

“I’m alright.” I nodded with the best smile I could muster. I didn’t have the breath to say anything else. I just waved off as I walked back into the hallways.

It was so hot all of a sudden…

I unzipped the jacket and took it off. The smoke…

I took a deep breath but it didn’t really happen. Shit, what’s…?

My legs gave out from under me as I walked and I came crashing down on the floor. Why was breathing suddenly so hard…? It was like I had to tell my lungs to expand, tell the oxygen to go down my throat but there didn’t seem to be enough oxygen around me.

As I reached for my shirt, I noticed I was shaking. Why am I…? I felt suffocated.

I couldn’t feel my legs, I couldn’t breathe, I was shaking like a leaf in the wind “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!” my voice cracked but I didn’t have it in me to cry “Damn it…”

All I heard was my unreliable heartbeat but it’s not like I could spare any energy on anything but trying to get my lungs to function. Everything was drowned out. Ifelt like I as drowning.

“Luna…” A single familiar voice broke through the memories of the war, through the smoke, through the blood. I looked up to see Law, a bit blurred, I couldn’t focus my eyes but I was sure it was him. I know I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Law looked around before he put his sword down on the side and showed me his hands “It’s a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?” I shook my head “Let me help, ok?” I nodded and he moved to kneel beside me, I felt one of his hands on my back as he held out his other hand for me. I took hold of it before I knew it, like a lifeline at sea “I know it’s hard, but take a deep breath in.” I saw him do it and I instinctively mimicked him. It hurt. Breathing hurt like there was a force pressing on my chest but I didn’t even notice that I held on tighter to his hand “That’s it. Now out…” his voice was calm as he exhaled and I tried to do the same. Breathing out was easier but I could still feel myself shaking “Again, c’mon.” he took a deep breath in again and soon enough let it out again. I couldn’t say how long we were at it, but it helped. I stopped shaking, I could see again, and I could even move my legs to sit better now “There you go…” I took one final breath in and looked over at his golden eyes, so soft, I didn’t think I had seen those eyes so soft before “Are you feeling better?”

I nodded “Y-Yeah…” my voice was still shaky, but it was settling now “Sor---”

“You say sorry, I swear I’m smacking you over the head.”

I scoffed with the little energy I had regained and noticed he hadn’t tried to pull his hand away from mine, despite how sweaty I could tell I was. Self-consciously, I pulled my hand back and rubbed it against my shirt “Thanks then…”

“It’s alright.” He said, shifting to now sit on the floor instead with one hand supporting his weight and the other over his knee “With the way you’ve been acting, I figured this might happen…” I raised him an eyebrow but he just shrugged “You wake up only a couple of days after your body goes way over it’s limit and you’re all smiles? Sorry kitty, but that’s not how trauma works.”

“I wish you’d stop calling me a cat, I’m a tiger.”

“I wish you’d stop calling me a panda.”

I rolled my eyes, the motion made me feel a bit dizzy “Agree to disagree.”

“You’re doing it again.” I dropped the smile I didn’t even realize I had and when I focused back on him, I noticed how sharply his golden eyes landed on mine “Look, you can’t just brush this off. It’s not going to go away that easily.”

“What am I supposed to do, then?” I snapped at him, it wasn’t his fault in the least, but this sudden attack thing had freaked me the hell out “I can’t sit with Luffy because I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll be watching my last brother die! I can’t sit by myself because it floods my head with bad memories that hurt like hell and good memories that make me want to rip my heart out of my chest! I can’t distract myself with doing things because I’m too fucking weak to handle that and these damn scratches! I can’t mope around and cry either because I’m so damn tired of that shit! I couldn’t do anything when we lost Sabo! I couldn’t do anything when we lost Ace! And now I’m watching as I lose Luffy and I still can’t fucking do anything! I’m so freaking useless! I’m always the one that needs protecting, the one that’s been watching them go! I mean, look at me! I’ve been doing so well, I vowed that I’d come out of this a new me, better, like a phoenix! And all it fucking takes to bring me crumbling down is my stupid brain connecting a ‘sorry’ to losing Ace!”

I only felt his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing away tears I didn’t realize were raining down my face and I stopped. I locked eyes with him, the golden of his irises burning into my empty grey ones “A phoenix needs to allow themselves to burn up before they can come back from the ashes.” He said, pulling his hand back to him “You can’t just put on a smile and make it go away, Luna. As a doctor, I’m supposed to tell you that it might pass eventually but I personally know better. It doesn’t pass, that hole in your chest that makes you want to tear the world apart, it’s not going to go away. You’ll just learn to deal with it better.” I looked down but he reached out his hand again and lifted my chin back up “But first, first you need to let that burn over you. Let what the war hurt. Let the loss of your brother hurt. If you shut it out, it’s not a door you’ll be able to easily open up again.”

I pulled my hair back with one hand as I looked down “I’m just so lost without them…” he didn’t say anything and I looked back at him “Can I tell you a secret?”

He raised me an eyebrow as that wiseass smirk came back to his lips “What? What we’ve been talking about is public knowledge?”

I narrowed my eyes at him “Oh, shut it, panda.” That seemed to have annoyed him enough and I continued as I looked at the empty hall “We had him, you know…? We were so close…” then I turned back to him “I don’t know what kind of story the marines are trying to sell, but we had him. My brother wasn’t executed, he was murdered. We managed to get to the scaffolding, we managed to get him out of the cuffs, we were on our way back through the war when…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it, I just looked at my hand. The same hand that had held his, the same hand that had let go when he turned to Akainu…

“And that will always be a part of you.” He said, making me look back at him “You’ll just have to learn how to carry it…”

“Did you?” he didn’t reply “When you lost your sister… Did you learn how to carry that with you?”

We sat in silence for a moment, in my numb state I thought that maybe I had stepped over a line there, but as he looked to the other end of the empty hall and sighed, he said “You’re already doing better than I did at the time.” Then he turned back to look at me “I went straight to the tear the world apart thing and it took a great man to get me started on the right path…” he even smiled but he wasn’t looking at me anymore “But then again, I did turn into a pirate so I’m not quite sure I can call this ‘the right path’. Definitely better than the one I was heading down though… Hell, I’m certain I wouldn’t be alive right now without Cora-san…” he got up and gave me his hand for support so that I could get up too “Now let’s find my jacket.”

I tilted my head “Your jacket…?”

He smiled back at me “Yeah, the long black jacket you’ve been wearing? Mine. And now you seemed to have left it who knows where.”

“That’s… Your jacket?”

“Yeah.”

I rubbed my face as I remembered the nice smell that had come from the fabric the first time I put it on “I fucking hate my enhanced senses right now…” I grumbled.

“What did you say?”

“I said I had it in the mess hall!”

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