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girlsandbooties · 5 years

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12-17-18

Ever since I got here I’ve been blaming myself for what I’ve lost and what I’m about to lose right now. I have no excuse for giving you the worst side of me, I have no excuse for falling out of love at some point, then falling for someone then leaving that person and going back to you, again. I have no excuses at all.

But you see.. that doesn’t mean I did all of them on purpose.. that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate you at all.. NO. I don’t talk that much, or tell you what’s really going on in my head. Because I end up saying the wrong things and I hate arguing with you.

There are always days where I’d feel like “wala lang ako sa’yo” and I told you about that before and you just get mad. You see, everytime I try to tell you about what I’m feeling you get mad about it. You tell me how wrong I am, or you’ll end the phone call, or you’ll just throw a fit.. when the thing is, I just want you to listen.. I just want to get reassured. But because you’ll sometimes tell me how you don’t need that kind of shit right now because you’ve been stressed about work or you just don’t have time to deal with it, trying to open up to you has been the hardest thing to do. Just because if what I tell you doesn’t live up to your expectation, or you don’t like it.. you get mad. And I know, I’m not that shitty, because I’ve been like that to you too. My friends have been telling me “parehas lang kayo, walang nagpapatalo sainyo, pero mahal niyo isa’t-isa.” So, bakit nga ba? 😪

There are just so many things I want to say. I wanna fucking open up to you, and I want you to understand my side, without you trying to “side-comment” and tell me how wrong I am on feeling about that part.. I remember that fight we had at the hotel. I wanted to tell you all of my “sama ng loob” but then I haven’t even said that much yet, you were already fucking mad. And it scared me. I wish you gave me the chance to. I wish you’ve let me without interrupting or getting mad at every word I say, just like what I did to you that time too. I wasn’t ignoring you. I was quite the whole time. Because I wanted to listen to every word you say and understand where the madness and hate were coming from. Fuck, I already knew you were tired of me already, you think I’m that numb to not feel it since the first day we saw each other, again? But have you even asked me that night about why I texted you like that? Did you even bothered to know how lonely I was because I woke up so many times, checked the time and you weren’t still there? 🥺 Did you even asked me how upset I was being there by myself? ☹️ How I punched the wall so many times because I didn’t want to text you, I wanted to feel the pain physically instead of letting the pain kill me mentally. I’ve been back and forth pamp to manila because I wanted to be with you so bad. 😔 Did you even asked me how many times I cried and wished that the next time I wake up, you’re right beside me na? Right now... it still hurts just thinking about it. So, if ever you’re reading this.. what will you tell me then? I deserve it because you already got tired of me for pushing you away for the past few months, for asking you to let me go, for saying hurtful things? So what is this? Is this a payback time? Cause seriously, when I asked you to let me go na, why tell me that you don’t want to? Why asked me to meet up with you to fix things? Why keep my hopes up? Why dropped me out suddenly now that I’m here? I wish you told me that you were already tired and its already a lost cause when I was still in AZ, not when I’m already here. Because this, all of this, going back here was because of you, seeing and finally being able to be with you, even for just a few days. Because this is really painful.. I’m here and you’re just a few rides away. If I knew right away that it was already a lost cause, I would’ve missed the flight. I’ll cancel. I won’t go back.

That’s why I started having regrets going back here, because this was supposed to be about us, getting to know the new or different you, which is by the way, hate to break it to you, but that time that you told me I don’t like the changes of how you are or the way you are now, you are very wrong about that. Yeah, sure there are parts of you that I disagree with, but that doesn’t mean I hate it!? I mean, going back and forth to meet you up was also because I was trying to get to know the new you, I’m trying to get used to who you are now and accept those changes, because that’s how it works. We don’t have to be fucking perfect and we both have disagreements with each other of how we are now, but the willingness to work it out and compromised and accept everything because you want to keep the person. But who cares now, right? Because you’re tired. And I broke you.

Now this message, you don’t have to get mad or stressed about it. You can ignore it. This message is not something for me to throw shit on you, to mock you, or act like I’m the victim. Cause no one is. I’m posting this because its my way of venting my pain out. I don’t talk to anyone that much about us. So, I need to atleast find something where I can write or post my feelings. Because I’m not a robot, its my way of coping. So, I’m sorry if I’ve said something again to offend you, or if you won’t agree with this message, or if this is gonna hurt you again.

Right now.. I don’t know. I’m trying to pick myself up slowly. I’m trying to be the very best as I can cause otherwise, I’ll breakdown. And I can’t breakdown here. Not in front of my grandma. Not here. But I’m still trying. It may not look like it, but I am.

I know.. you got tired. You’re done with me. I know. I get it. Fuck, I can fucking feel it. But I didn’t. I’m not, yet atleast. So, right now.. I’m not just drowning myself from bad vices, or whimpering, or making myself too “kawawa”, I’m not showing everyone that I’m the victim via tweets or tumblr or facebook. I am also slowly picking myself up, trying to be better so if you decided to come back, I am here, whole again. Because I got destroyed too, this 2018 destroyed me too. I’m still willing to put up a fight, for us. Yeah, I don’t text you. I don’t tell you to stay, BUT I AM STILL HERE. Waiting for you. Slowly picking up the broken pieces to fix myself so when you’re ready, I am ready too. So if I breakdown, you won’t have to get me up. You won’t have to carry the baggages. You won’t have to be the only one fighting.

Now, I am really sorry, okay? That we have to end up like this again, or you have to get emotionally drained, for me to realize things. I am. I really really am. I really don’t want to let you go. I really meant it when I told you that I want to build a life with you. I really do. But I can’t forced us. I can’t forced you if you’re tired and you don’t have it in you to fight anymore.

You know, even if I have so many regrets right now, even if I regret going back here.. I am somehow thankful because tinuloy ko this time pag-uwi ko. Because this is my greatest “what if”. WHAT IF I WENT BACK HOME AND WE DECIDED TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN? FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 4 YEARS, WE FINALLY GET TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN? What will happen? What would you do? What would I do? So, I am thankful because even if hurts and even if its so painful right now to be here, this is what I needed. Going back here, to see you, is what I needed. Because this is the closure I need. Cause ngayon I finally realized and saw it with my own eyes, na kahit na umuwi pala ako.. its not gonna work. I’m not gonna be able to force it if its not really working.

So, if you think you really want to leave or go. Its okay. If you’re tired. Its okay. If you wanna take a break. Its okay. If you wanna put yourself first, go ahead. Do that. Do you. If you wanna start 2019 without me in your life, you don’t have to tell me, I’ll know and I’ll go. If in the process of healing someone helped you and you fell for that someone, its okay. Because finally giving yourself a chance to open up to someone, the willingness to give love a try and not being scared of getting hurt, is a sign of putting yourself first. And maybe, it’ll end in a bad way again, but maybe not? If so, its all okay. Leaving and finding happiness that I couldn’t give you, or you can’t find from me, its okay.

I’m so sorry if it took you the whole 2018 to realize that I’m the wrong person. I’m so sorry if you just realized that you should’ve let me go a long time ago. I’m so sorry if you were chasing the wrong person this whole year. I’m so sorry if I wasn’t worth it. I’m so sorry for keeping your hopes up. I’m so sorry for destroying you. I’m so sorry for wasting your time. I’m so sorry for wasting your whole 2018. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.

I’ll be okay.. if you decide to let me go. If you decide to give someone else a chance. I’ll accept that. After all, I’ve brought this to myself right? 😪 You don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to message me. Because I’m not numb, I can somehow read between the lines. I haven’t let go of you yet. I’ll know when its time for me to. I’ll know when its really the end. I’ll know when its time to stop. So, this will be the last time I’ll post or you’ll hear anything from me. I’ll do my best to not go online, because I don’t want the same thing to happen to me 4 years ago. The way I tried to move on from you years ago wasn’t healthy or good enough.

I want to be okay. So when you decide to come back, I’m all ready. I’m whole again. And I can give you the better version of me.

And I want to be okay. So when you decide to let me go and not come back. It won’t destroy me, again.

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anjealously-blog · 2 years

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Hi mga marecakes! Yesterday, I wasnt in good spirits. Today, i still am not but im better than yesterday. Thinking about it, I'm quite grateful for some people who knowingly and unknowingly cheered me up 🤗 i thanked them already but i want to post an appreciation. The chance of them finding this is unknown HAHAHA nevertheless, i want to. Shy ako to express this to them so ill say it here.

To Ylone,

You're my little brother from another mom you know. Di mo alam pero malift mo talaga ang araw ko. Your timing is always right kahit magmsg ka lang para garaan ako or magpatulong. I love that you act like a child with me kase feeling ko talaga I have another brother. Thank you Lon! I dont know how you do it, but its so on time na i wonder talaga minsan if you just feel that something's wrong hahaha. I know pag mag usap tayo, its mostly tuyaan and lokohan. And i know flustered ka nung nagthank you ako sayo kahapon HAHAHA sabi mo pa nabaliw na ako kasi bigla2 nalang nag thank you. But lon, like i said, minsan blessing ka, madalas salot HAHAHA but im still thankful i have you in my life. I never expected na we'll be this close. And I thank God coz he brought you to me. I dont say this to you often but I really love your presence. I love na di mo ko ginakalimutan igreet during occassions. I love that you annoy me randomly. I love the brother I have in you. I will always root for you Ylone! Thank you for treating me as your Ate. We may not be connected by blood, but we're soulmates in other ways. Hays, I love you lon, bigtime! Ikaw ata ang greatest take away ko sa PYM 💝 Pag nabasa mo to, wag mo ko kausapin, maririndi lang ako sayo!! HAHAHAHA PS: IBALIK MO NA MGA DAMIT KO PARANG AWA MO NA

To Earl Dimple,

Beb, i was joking when I msgd you yesterday so you probably didnt feel like something was wrong. I know were close but i dont want to open to you yesterday. Why? Kase I want to keep our jokes and banters. I thought na I would rather laugh with you tonight than be dramatic with you. You also didnt know, but you cheered me up bigtime! And di ako naga joke nung sinabi kong i miss you na!! Uwi ka na kasi! Anw, beb you've always been my go to friend, you know that. We're closer than we thought. We're actually sisters! Thank you for always coming whenever I wanted to get out. Ikaw talaga ang aking one call away friend! You know na I'm always relieved whenever kasama ka, na kahit sino pang kasama nating iba, okay na sakin. You're my constant. And im damn blessed for having you. I love you bb gurl, sobra! 💗

To RS,

If you read this, I know you'll figure out that this is you. Buhay pa ako! HAHAHA the biggest appreciation today is for you! My frustrations were relieved yesterday coz you lend me an ear (not literally). I know we're already friends, but recently lang tayo napunta sa gantong point of closeness. I wanna thank you for reaching out to me, kahit gusto mo lng naman ng gala HAHAHA chos. Really, thank you for giving me a safe space where I can open up without thinking much of the judgement I can receive. Sira naman na image ko sayo kaya keri nalang mag open diba? HAHAHA but really, mamsh I really love that you dont treat me with high regards. Alam mo na diba, na I want to be on equal grounds with my friends, that Im quite sad with the fact na most of my friends act cautiously around me coz they dont wanna annoy or offend me. But you didnt. From then, ang ginawa mo lang ay garaan ako everytime magkaencounter tayo. Until now, magchat ka lang para manggara ulit. From other point of view, its weird that I love na ginagaraan ako, but you know why. So really, thank you. I havent had the guts to open up to other people im closed with, so i mustered up the courage to open up to you kasi sabi mo you'll be there to listen. So i did. And im glad i did. I feel shy coz you saw my vulnerability but aside from that, i felt safe. Thank you for being a safe space! :) hays sana noon mo pako sineryoso kausapin edi sana bff tayo!! And also, sorry coz i dumped my emotional baggage to you. And i also wanna tell you, dont be always there for others. Wag mo hayaan na mapuno ka ng bagahe ng iba. Give yourself space also. With that, i forgot to tell you and im too shy to tell you now, but ill be here for you too. To listen to your rants and be a safe space also. Sabihin ko nalang sayo to next time kasi hiya na ako HAHAHA. Thank you mamsh, sobra sobra!! 💖

#blessed #friendsforkeeps

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marraroma1994 · 7 years

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MISSING YOU ~ A Daragon Fanfic ~ alternate ending of MOTTE in Manila

So APPLERS, Im an attendee of Motte in Manila and just like you, I cant move on. Every damn time that I open all my SNS, Youtube Etc. I always search for MOTTEinMNL’s Daragon moments. Daragon is everything so I decided to make a fanfiction of what we want to happen when GD kneels in front of Dara. So guys, hope you enjoy and share it to your co-appler. Please bare with me on this. First timer and maybe I’m not a very good english speaker/writer so there are some slight grammatical error.

Credits to the owner of the photo

The concert was almost over and the dancers all bow down in front of the concert-goers but Jiyong on the other hand kneels and faces Dara. They are all aware of what Jiyong has planned beforehand and he talked to them days before Motte in Manila when he decided to bring his concern to YG. He wants Dara to be his special guest and he wants not just one song. He insisted that Dara should be with him until the encore and YG can’t turn down his only request.

“So guys, I just wanna take this moment to thank you all for coming to my concert tonight.” Jiyong said, still facing Dara.

“We all knew that this is the first time in 8 years that I and Noona are sharing the same stage, so actually it’s a very special day to me and I’m just too happy that she didn’t decline my invitation”

Jiyong didn’t take his eyes off her. His mind was full of all the memories that they have shared together. All the laughter’s and tears. She have been by his side since God knows how long. He can’t remember any moment that Dara ever leave him specially the times when he is down and suffering thru a lot. He knows that he misses her a lot. He tries to be formal throughout the concert proper but he can’t hide how happy he is to be reunited with her once again. They were so close until that one time when he is drinking after a broke up and drunk dial Dara.

”Yoboseyo? Yah Noona!!! Where are you? I’m here in front of your house. Just came from the bar just a few blocks from your house and I decided to visit you.”

”Jiyong-shi? Wae? Okay I’m gonna open the door wait for me”

It’s almost 3AM in the morning. Dara opened the door and saw Jiyong drunk dead. She can’t stand the smell of the alcohol coming from Jiyongs mouth but still manage to get him to sit on the sofa. She almost stumbled because Jiyong was to heavy to carry. She immediately get a hot compress from the kitchen and get some extra shirt from her closet. Jiyong always visits Dara whenever he is not busy and Dara has no other schedules. They usually up for a movie night or just a cooking session once in a while. That’s why Jiyong left some of his shirts on Dara’s house so that he can change everytime he comes over.

“Jiyongie I hate your smell.” She gives him his shirt.

“You should be home by now. I’m aware that you have a MV shoot tomorrow for Bigbang’s comeback album” Dara said while letting Jiyong change his shirt.

“My Noona is so cute! Noona. Why are you like that? You’re so kind. You always take care of me.” Jiyong said while attempting to hug Dara from behind but Dara refused.

“Jiyongie what are you doing! Can you please sober up”

“Noona. I just wanted to be loved and to love. Isn't that a simple thing. But then I always end up being rejected and heartbroken.”

“Is it hard for someone like me to find true love?”

There was a complete silence. Jiyong and Dara was just staring at each other for it feels like eternity until Dara broke the silence.

“No. They just don’t know you better. Maybe they can’t see you as you. Or they can’t stand your angst. They don’t like your attitude. Or you’re getting into their nerves too much that they just want you out of their life. That’s it. You can’t please everyone”

Jiyong was blank for a moment.

“But how about you? You can stand me. You accept my flaws. You haven’t leave me even if I’m a total jerk. I know I fucked up a lot but you’re still here. You still cares for me.”

Dara was flustered for a few seconds. She looks at Jiyongs teary eyes. She then answers in a low tone

“Because… I’m not her. I’m not them. I see you as you. I don’t see you as G-Dragon but Kwon Jiyong. Mistakes make you as a human and I admire you for that.”

Jiyong was caught surprised of what Dara said. He didn’t know that after all those years, Dara didn’t see him as a loser. He always thought that Dara was disappointed in him in everything because she always scold him everytime. She didn’t praise him very often and she always looks irritated whenever Jiyong do some crazy things. That’s why Jiyong on the other hand haven’t attempted to make their friendship glow into something more eventho everyone says that they look good together. He knew that Dara is too good for him. It breaks his heart seeing Dara being admired by every guy that he knows but he can’t do anything about it. He’s aware that he doesn’t have the right and so he spend most of his time to flirt and date random girls that caught his eyes. But at the end of the day he knows very well who he wants to spend his lifetime with. He was just afraid to admit it to himself. Behind his G-Dragon personality is the soft-hearted Jiyong that conceals his true feelings.

Jiyong looks at Dara’s eyes with so much emotion. He doesn’t know what he really wants that moment. He can’t decipher his heart and mind. Maybe he’s too drunk to think straight or maybe sobering up will make this even worse. All he wants now is to held this girl in front of her. He knows that when he lets her go, He’s gonna regret it for the rest of his life and before she knows it, his lips locks into hers with so much passion. Their eyes were filled with tears. Hearts pounding faster until she can’t see anything. She feels like she’s on a hazy euphoria. Their hearts can’t contain every emotion that they feel right now. The warmth of their lips is overwhelming but at the same time it causes a sudden pain in their heart. They don’t know what will happened after this. Nothing is quite clear at this moment but one thing is for sure, the emotion that are present right now is mutual.

After that night, they become awkward with each other not to mention their busy schedules. Bigbang’s comeback and MADE Tour was fast approaching, and Dara’s solo projects too. They barely see each other. They seem to avoid the presence of each other everytime they were in the same place. Every person around them notices it but they choose to keep that to themselves. Days, Months and Years past until everyone forgot it, or maybe not? Until the day that Yang Hyun Suk ask Dara to come to his office for a meeting.

“Dara-shi. Have a seat first. I have something to discuss to you.”

“So Jiyong request you to guest on his concert in the Philippines this coming September 1. As we all know, you're very familiar in there and fans love you dearly. And maybe you can feature his concert and behind the scenes in one of your episodes in your Dara TV. Please think about it.”

Dara was quiet for a moment. She’s thinking about why all of the sudden after a long time would Jiyong wants her to be in his concert. After what happened to them, she thinks that it’s too weird to perform next to him but being professional as she is, she then agreed.

“Just sign this letter of request from GD so he knows that you are coming.”

As Jiyong was kneeling in front of her, the crowd went crazy. They are all chanting “DARAGON”, his dancers adds the spice and throws confetti on them. Dara was quite amazed and shocked. She cant hear what he’s saying because of the loud cheering from everyone. Her face turns red and she doesn’t know what to do. To escape the awkward moment, she decided to crack a Filipino punch line to everyone

“Ginalingan eh! May nanalo na. Uwian na. Uwi na ako!”

As she was about to exit the stage, Jiyong caught her hand and stop her from going.

“Noona. Where are you going? Please stay. I have something to tell you.”

Jiyong signals his band to start the music and his dancers immediately exits the stage leaving the two of them alone, still holding her hand. The crowds chant become more louder but she couldn’t barely hear them, all she hears was her own heart pounding. Up to this moment she doesn’t know what Jiyong was up to.

The song “Untitled 2014” starts to play in the background. Jiyong sings with his whole heart while looking straight into her eyes. His hands didn’t let go of her as he starts singing.

Naege doraogiga

Eoryeopgo himdeun geol ara

Ije deoneun sangcheobatgiga

Duryeopgo silheun geol ara

Nega tteona beorin geunaredo

Mojin mallo neol ulligo

Dwidora seoseo huhoehae mianhae

Jebal dan han beonirado

Neoreul bol su issdamyeon

Nae modeun geol da ilheodo gwaenchanha

Kkumeseorado neoreul manna

Dasi saranghagireul

Uri idaero

Neoege yongseobatgi boda

Jukneun ge deo swiulji molla

I noraereul bulleobojiman

Nae jinsimi daheulji molla

Nega haengbokhagireul barae

Geu heunhan geojismaldo moshago

Doraogiman gidohae mianhae

Jebal dan han beonirado

Neoreul bol su issdamyeon

Nae modeun geol da ilheodo gwaenchanha

Kkumeseorado neoreul manna

Dasi saranghagireul

Uri idaero

Ijeneun kkeutiraneun majimagiraneun

Neoui geu mameul nan mideul su eopseo

I can’t let go cuz you never know

Naegen neo gateun neoegen na gateun

Geureon sarangeun du beon dasineun eopseo

Nobody knows

What you mean to me

You’re always mine

Jebal dan han beonirado

Neoreul bol su issdamyeon

Nae modeun geol da ilheodo gwaenchanha

Kkumeseorado neoreul manna

Dasi saranghagireul

Jigeum i sigani jinagago

Da ijeul su issdamyeon

Geu gieokdo haengbokhaessdeon chueokdo

Ani daeum saengedo neoreul manna

Dasi saranghagireul

Yejeon geudaero

At the end of the song, Jiyong kneels again in front of her.

“Noona. Ahjumma. Yeppeun Yeoja. I know that I’ve been a fool for a long time. I know that I don’t deserve your attention even. But please, listen to me for atleast.

Dara was stunned of what’s happening. The crowd are the loudest at this point. They are all cheering “DARAGON”. The YG crews, bands and dancers are all smiling at her. She didn’t know if this is real or its just a dream. She hoping that someone wake her up if its not but a very big part of her wants it to be real.

“From this moment, I don’t want to call you Noona anymore. So please bear with me on that. Not that I’m being disrespectful to you, My Ahjumma.” Jiyong teases.

“I have wasted so much time and I don’t want to do the same mistake again. I should have told you before that you’re the most beautiful girl in my eyes, inside and out. I shouldn’t have waste every single time proving that to you. If I could just lend you my eyes to you right now so you can see for yourself how special you are to me.”

Dara can’t say anything. Her heart was exploding with too much happiness. She knows that this man in front of her is her biggest heartbreak but he’s is the only one who can fix it too. Jiyong flashes his gummy smile to her as he continue.

“Uhm. Jagi..” and the crowd loses it totally.

“Jagi. Have I told you before that you are my strength? Youre always here for me. You didn’t gave up on me after all that Ive done. Every pieces of you fits on me and Im in my best when Im with you. You are my inspiration. I know that Im not the very best choice for you. Im aware that you have so many guys around that admire you and dying just to be with you right now. But this Kwon Jiyong right here has an advantage. I can sing and dance if you want to. I can act. I’m a total package you know!”

Jiyong was shy all of the sudden as the crowd teases and laughs at what he said.

“I can be your stuff toy. You can cry on me. You can share your happiness with me in an extra level. And I’m willing to give everything just to see you smile”

“Jagi-ya, I don’t know what to say anymore. But as you know, Ill be leaving next year for my enlistment. So I want to ask you something.”

Dara’s heart was pounding too fast that she almost fainted at that moment. She’s too overwhelmed of the revelations.

“Jagiya, I have loved you from the start. Im just too afraid to be rejected by you. That’s why I keep our friendship just to be close to you as always. I don’t want to lose you that’s why I remain to be your friend because I believe that relationships our bound to end at some point but not friendship. I try to fall inlove with other girls so I can move on with my feelings for you but it’s too hard. And now Im not holding back anymore. Ill take this risk before I enter the military. I want my own son or daughter waiting for me as I go home. I want you to wait for me at the end of my military service holding our baby. I want to spend the rest of my eternity with the woman I truly loved”

“Dara-shi, will you marry this Kwon Jiyong?”

#daragon #fanfic #nyongdal #motteinmanila #dara #gd #gdragon #kwonjiyong #missing you #sandara park #motteinmnl #motte in manila #fluff #bigbang imagine #bigbang scenario

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yawningpolarbear · 5 years

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101219 pt. 2

I think my dad tried to make bawi before the day ended. I was on my bed getting ready to rest. I was on my phone lang before I take a bath then go to sleep tas sabi ng brother ko na we will go out daw to eat. Sobrang busog ko pa from the wedding food tas kakain pa sa labas. So I was like ‘ok fine, kakain lang naman’. I didn’t even bother to change my pambahay clothes. Nagshorts lang ako. Obvious naman sa pics na sobrang gusgusin ng t-shirt ko haha! I would like to think that the dinner was my dad’s way of making up for what happened earlier that day. I mean gets na walang masamang nangyari but it was still awkward. Maybe for me. So yeah, we went to this cafe called ‘Gil and Mar’ and it’s artsy. Pwede ka magpicture and so I did. My brother took pics of me. I just hated it that I didn’t even bother to change clothes ‘cos look at me, ang meh 😒

So after we ate, my dad asked me to sing ‘cos apparently they have karaoke/open mic and you get to sing onstage for free. I was like ‘no way’. First of all, nahihiya ako sa mga tao. Baka masira ang gabi nila pag narinig nila boses ko. Second, hindi maganda boses ko at panget suot ko tapos aakyat ako sa stage? Hahaha nalang. And lastly, I get to get dramatic when I sing. Kumakanta lang ako sa banyo at karaoke. I’m definitely sure even without alcohol pwede ako magwala dun once na mahawakan ko na yung mic hahahaha. I love singing kahit ganto boses ko lol but my dad asked thrice. And him being my dad that I love so much despite everything. I agreed and told him that I would sing one song lang. So ayun, I looked at the songbook and chose the first song that I know (12:51 by krissy and ericka). Sobrang drama lang, ren??

I got onstage and started to sing. May papikit pikit pa akong nalalaman, akala mo talaga hahaha so I sang the first few lines and saw everyone looking at me. Syempre hiyang hiya ako haha so I just closed my eyes and dinama ko nalang yung kanta kasi ayoko silang makita. Kakahiya kaya. Then I saw my brother taking pics of me lol and on my right, I saw my dad taking a video of me singing. Ang funny lang na kahit hindi naman ako magaling kumanta or what, my dad is still proud of me na willing pa sya i show off yung boses ko in public juice ko po hahaha 🤦‍♀️ it made me smile, of course. That whatever I was going through at that moment, my family were there for me watching me sing my heart out for the boy who broke my heart. (may pagganun, ren? Lol) but seriously tho, nakakataba ng puso kumanta sa harap ng maraming tao at mapahayag yung damdamin mo thru a song even if the one you’re singing to is not there to hear you.

I’m already okay with the thought that some people still appreciate me no matter what. In the bridge part, there was a line “Cause it’s 12:51 and I thought my feelings were gone, And I’m lying on my bed, I’m not thinking of you again”. I wasn’t able to sing/say the ‘I’m not’ part but damn, some of the audience sang it for me. Wala kaya yun dun sa lyrics dun sa monitor. Like wtf guys bat ganyan kayo? Oo na nga po, I’m not thinking na talaga hahaha. So I listened to the original and oo nga may ‘I’m not’ nga huhuhu. I found it funny lang talaga na parang gusto ako batukan ni Lord na ‘hoy anak, wag mo na yan isipin. Ayan kinanta na nila for you kasi tanga ka’. Hahahaha ang saya lang. After we ate, we went grocery shopping then uwi bahay na rin. All in all, it was a long day but it made me happy. Anuman nangyari. Happy for my cousin who tied the knot with the love of her life and for my family who loves and accepts me for the mess that I am. I hope I can be fully happy soon. And I will. I’m claiming it.

Matthew 19:26 🙏

#personal #meandmysides #091219 #kalat ni ren

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dubredofanfics · 7 years

Text

Hit n Run [BONGLENI]

XVII. Misinterpretations

Their contract ended. They didn't even bother to renew it as they felt contented. Bongbong and Leni remained affectionate with each other for quite some time, they felt like they no longer needed a contract to keep them tight and passionate, it came out from them naturally. There were times when Bongbong would take Leni away from working hours despite all her duties just to have a date with her and it annoyed Gina as it gave her duty a conflict. She tried to let it go but it just keeps happening all the time. She knew she needed to confront the two.

Gina's secretary, Neri, went to Bongbong's office to call them on her office.

"Bakit niya ako inuutusan? Boss ko ba siya?" Bongbong retorted. "Sabihin mo sa boss mo, siya ang pumunta saakin, tutal, siya naman ang may kailangan." He scolded her.

"Mah- Sir..." Leni tried to calm him down. Neri left his office and informed Gina about his response.

God damn it!

Gina swore and went Bongbong's office. "Ano bang problema mo? Gaano ba kahirap pumunta sa office ko?!" She yelled.

"Gaano ba kahirap pumunta dito?" He countered. Leni discreetly rubbed his back to calm him down.

"Anong kailangan mo?" He asked. "I need your advice." She began. Bongbong snorted in amusement. "You need my advice and you want me to go to you. Ano ka? Chicks?" He chuckled. Gina rolled her eyes. Leni suppressed her laugh.

"Kailangan ko lang naman ng advice tungkol sa paborito mong secretarya." She referred to Leni — changing his mood.

"What about her?" He asked. "Come on, Bongbong. I've been very understanding in excusing her for her absences and unattended duties. I'm still signing the approval of giving her her complete salary kahit na bungi bungi ang attendance niya." She stated.

"So anong gusto mong gawin ko?" He asked. "Tell me if I should hire another secretary from your department to attend to Leni's duties sa tuwing maglalampungan kayo." She demanded. Leni felt bad after what she was hearing.

"Masyado kaseng nageenjoy yang girlfriend mo, sumusweldo ng buo kahit hindi pumapasok!" She continued.

"Hindi ko kailangan ng isa pang secretary at wag mong mahawak hawakan ang sweldo ni Leni." He retorted. "Sige, babawasan ko yung mga sweldo ng mga late at absent na mga employee natin habang ineexcuse ko yung abusado mong girlfriend dahil lang girlfriend mo siya-"

"Hindi ko siya girlfriend!" He yelled squelching the rising argument. Leni felt surprised with what she heard.

"Magkano ba ang nawawala sayo? Babayaran ko para manahimik ka na!" He suggested angrily.

Gina noticed the surprise in Leni's face upon Bongbong's denial of having her as his girlfriend. She knew it was enough to get back on Bongbong. "Fine. I'll take the deal." She agreed. "Sana matahimik ka na." He replied.

Gina made a side smile. "Akala ko girlfriend ka, girl toy lang rin pala." She pointed out and walked out of his office thrilled with how things will go now after Leni heard the denial from Bongbong.

Bongbong knew he went wrong with the denial but he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. "Hindi na talaga naubusan ng reklamon yang si Gina." He brought up a topic to avoid a confrontation with her. He went back to his seat.

Leni remained stunned as it sank to her what she just heard from his mouth. "Mauna na muna ako." She uttered and left his office. He wanted to go after her but his ego stopped him as he know he had to take back what he said if he runs after her.

—

The next days came, Leni became cold to Bongbong. No more morning cuddles, no more stolen kisses, no more hugging. He felt bothered as he got used to it somehow, he missed it but he didn't want to show how bothered he was with her coldness.

He wasn't professional in monogamous relationships. Every thing seemed new to him, he is still beginning to learn to put his pride aside with Leni but it sometimes just comes back. He still felt confused if he was exactly ready to call someone as his girlfriend, or if he was ready to take someone as someone he loves. He was still on the pace of figuring everything out and enjoying what he has with Leni but it turned complicated as she seems to be ahead of him with regards to their real score.

As Leni manifests her coldness, he didn't show much care. Instead, he acted cold to her as well making her feel even more worse when she was hoping he would come to her and comfort her.

Bongbong called her into his office to bring in the drafts for his upcoming projects. She handed him the papers and seemed to rush to leave.

"Leni, nagmamadali ka ba?!" He sounded displeased. "Hindi po, sir..." She replied softly. "Sinabi ko bang umalis ka na?!"

"Hindi po sir..." She replied. "Eh bakit uwing uwi ka na? May mas importante ka pa bang gagawin kesa sa trabaho mo sakin?" He scolded her. "Wala po, sir. Sorry po." She apologized.

Bongbong checked on the papers and it turns out that she handed him the wrong folder. "Tsaka ano ba 'to? Hindi naman ito yung hinihingi kong drafts." He handed her the folder. "Sorry po, kunin ko nalang po yung tama." She replied professionally and immediately went out of the office. Bongbong felt extremely irritated as when he looks at her, he just yearns for her hugs and cuddles but she was being cold and he hated it. On another side, he didn't want to woo her while she's being cold.

She came back and handed him the folder. He didn't bother to take it, he just slammed his hand against the folder causing its contents to scatter all over the floor.

"Ano ba?" She uttered in shock. "Tàngina!" He retorted.

"Ano bang problema mo?" She asked as she didn't like the way he responded. "Ako? Ikaw! Anong problema mo?!" He returned her question. She scowled at him as she couldn't believe he's asking her what the problem is.

"Tinatanong mo ba talaga ako o binagaligtad mo lang yung sitwasyon?" She replied. "Ginagawa ko lang yung trabaho ko tapos bigla mo akong gaganituhin?" She continued.

"Come on, Leni! Ako ba yung may ginagawa dito? Tingin mo ba hindi ko napapansin na umiiwas ka? Nagpapakaprofessional ka!" He yelled at her.

"Wow? Masama na pala ngayon maging professional at magtrabaho ng maayos kesa magsayang ng oras sa mga walang kwentang bagay?" She tried to make a point. He felt offended as he knew what she was referring to 'mga walang kwentang bagay'.

"Okay? So yung saatin pa ay walang kwentang bagay lang sa'yo?. Sure, Leni! Sure! Very interesting!" He threw a sarcasm.

"Hindi ba?" She asked. "Hindi ba pagsasayang lang ng oras yung pagtutok sa isang bagay na alam mong wala naman talagang patutunguhan?" She questioned.

"What? Ano bang pinagsasabi mo?" He snorted. "Bong, di ko kase alam e, ano ba 'to?" She asked. "Anong ano ba 'to?" He replied.

"Ito! Itong meron tayo? Ano ba 'tong meron tayo? Laro lang ba 'to? Pampalipas oras? Tayo ba o naglalaro lang tayo?" She had to clarify. He knew where she was coming from. "I don't know what you're talking about." He played clueless. "Bong ano ba? Sinabi mo kay Gina na hindi mo ako girlfriend. Ano mo ako? Fück buddy ganon?" She asked, he was speechless for a moment.

"Leni, pwede ba?"

"Sagutin mo lang kase!" She demanded. Bongbong felt annoyed with the pressure. "Sige! So ito ba yung pinagmamaktol mo lately? Ito ba yung inaartehan mo?!" He yelled. She scowled at him annoyed with how he responds.

"God!" She swore. "Leni sinabi ko sa'yo noon pa na hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na mahilig sa commitment-"

"So totoo nga. Pang-kama lang talaga ako sa'yo." She cuts him in.

He didn't want her to feel that way. He wanted to explain but he felt like his pride would get damaged and she won't even bother to listen. He was so amateur in handling relationship obstacles like this.

"God..." She swore again as she exhaled sharply.

"Sorry ha?" She yelled at him as she began to drown in emotions. "Sorry nag-assume ako. Sorry, akala ko kase tayo e, akala ko girlfriend mo ako. Akala ko kase mahal mo rin ako." Her emotions began to detonate.

"Sorry kung nag-iinarte ako. Akala ko kase yung mga hug hug na yan, yung mga kiss kiss na yan, yung mga sêx na yan, akala ko may meaning sa'yo, akala ko special din sa'yo kase saakin meron e. It meant the whole world to me." She cried.

"Akala ko kase naiisip mo rin yung future natin, hindi pala. Ako lang pala 'tong tanga na nageexpect masyado saatin." She bursted in tears. Bongbong was startled with the confessions.

He wanted to apologize and hold her close but something was stopping him and it was strong. He just stood up coldly and listened to her while he stared blankly at the wall.

"Bong, ang dami ko ng plano para saatin. Narerealize mo ba kung gano ko pinapahalagan 'tong meron tayo? Naisip mo ba ako sa future mo kahit minsan?" She asked but he remained quiet. "Sama mo naman ako sa plano mo minsan. Try mo lang, baka kase magustuhan mo din. Wala namang mawawala kung ita-try mo e." She continued — still failing to get a response from him.

"Tigil na natin 'to." She uttered. He looked at her in a hint of shock. "What do you mean?" He asked. "Tigil na natin 'to, ang sakit na kase e." She replied and walked out of his office.

He felt a sting in his chest as he watched her go crying because of him. He never thought it would lead to such, he wasn't ready.

He felt like he had to do things but he didn't do anything. He didn't want to hurt her but he did. He wanted to comfort and hold her close but allowed her to go.

Bongbong, himself, didn't know what he wants to happen. He wanted to keep her but he didn't feel very much willing to act on it. It was just complicated. He was too amateur to handle such cases and Leni felt like the biggest victim in it.

—

Next day was a Sunday, there was no work. Leni went on Bongbong's place. The maids made her wait at the living room.

"Juice, ma'am?" The maids asked but she refused. Bongbong went out to check who it was and it surprised him with her sudden presence.

Finally. She initiated the opportunity. We could talk and fix things out now.

He had the thought at the back of his mind.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" He asked calmly. "Para sa'yo" She replied and stood up upon seeing him.

Pumunta siya dito by initiative. Muka naman okay na siya.

He felt more hopeful that she won't leave his place until they fix and figure things out.

"Okay..." He sat on the couch to talk and waited for her to sit beside him.

"Hindi, hindi rin ako magtatagal. Gusto ko lang ibigay sayo 'to." She handed him a paper bag. He was clueless of its contents.

"Mauna narin siguro ako." She informed him. He was expecting to talk to her, he was expecting more than that but he felt insecure to demand for her to stay as he knew they weren't fine.

"Ah... Okay." He uttered and allowed her to go.

He waited until she was completely gone before he went up to his room and checked what was inside the paper bag.

His chest compressed tightly and his heart felt like it has been pricked by several thorns as he saw what was inside.

She passed by to bring back to him the photobooth photos of them together with the sentimental necklace that he gave her a long time ago. It was his first gift to her. He held the necklace and closed his eyes.

Wala na ba talaga?

#bongleni #series #hnr

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privatelessspoken · 6 years

Text

“Home is where your story begins....”

That’s it. Every story has to stop. Today. Mine just ended. Another chapter ended. And it is overwhelming to say that the the finale is a rooted one. Deeply-seated at the bottom of my heart.

March 24, 2017, Friday, the day I ventured into something foreign to me. No matter how many times I insisted to work at Makati, My fate simply just wont escort me to my desire. So yes, that exact date, I had my stop at Pasay. I was brought there without any notion of what to anticipate. Initial days weren’t so appealing to me. Bounded by the idea that I wont stay at the place long enough. Obviously because I searched for the things I used to experience with my previous job. The comfort of what I am familiar with is what I am maneuvering to vibe. Awfully, the alienation I felt fenced me to oversee His plans. Even discriminated the idea of exploring the hidden answers to ‘Why’s’. Unconsciously, the plot begun to unwrap almost all the ambiguity. The coming of days granted me the realizations I was seizing. I was placed there mainly because…. I am destined to meet these people; holding the every keys to distinctive undertakings. Thus here are the recognition & gratitude I earnestly composed.

KC - Siya ‘yong pinaka unang taong nakagaanan ko ng loob. Ung lagi kong pinagtatanungan. Lalo nung bago pa ko. Unang laging nakakasama. Also, back then, she frequently asks me ‘If I am okay’. I admire how sociable you are, KC. You’ve got the capability of being able to adapt to one’s nature so easily hence making that individual feel much more at ease by your side. Magaling kang makisama. Kahit anong character ng isang tao kaya mong i-adjust ang sarili mo to build a friendship. Honestly, nahihiya ako sayo tuwing kasabay kita pag uwi nung una. Awkward sa side ko sobra. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang ioopen up sayo na hindi boring. Wala naman kasing excitement sa buhay ko. I suck at small talks, evidently. Im just grateful at how you’ve got the initiative to ask me and start a convo. You’re that kind of a person who’s willing to listen to any kind of stories. You showed me sincerity whenever I tell you something. You listen without interrupting. That is one thing so good about you as a friend. Not just a story teller but also a listening ear. KC, I thank you for the times you were there to listen to my nonsense ideas, thoughts, senseless talks, etc. I also, adore how natural you are. Careless of any. Not afraid to express your wants and what you wanted to say. Though at times ang tindi ng expressions mo. Hahaha. These qualities made you approachable and not hard to get along with. I feel flattered when you get my ideas with regards to random things/topics. Thank you! You are one sweet lady. :) I’ll miss you’re clingy-ness (and kilay) madam fashionista. Salamat kasi ikaw ung naging una kong friend sa work!

Louise - Louise! Mamimiss ko ung tawa mo! Minsan sayo talaga ko mas lalong natatawa kaysa sa mismong dapat tawanan. Wagas ka kasi mag react. Dati ikaw ung lagi kong kasama sa pag check ng box sa D. At wala tayong ginawa kundi tumawa lang din. Kahit pag nag-aattach. Hahaha! Ang loka mo kasi eh. I thank you for the laughter we’ve shared together. I love how lively you are as a person. Jolly(bee) and cheerful. :D Madaling pakisamahan. Appreciative. Thank you kasi lagi ka din nag t-thank you pag nagbibigay ako ng kung ano man sayo. You give back by saying those things and that’s more than enough to make someone feel flattered toward what they’ve done even if it was just small things. Mamimiss ko ung mala-grocery mong pagbili. XD Ung pagiging prangka mo sa mga bagay na napapansin mo. Haha! At oo nga pala, minsan talaga pag tumitingin ka… nakaka-intimidate. Ba’t ganon? Haha. Anyway, you deserve a man who will love you co-equal/ more than the love you could offer him. Someone who isn’t manly enough to express his affection towards you isn’t worthy of you at all. Hopefully makanap ka ng partner mo na pahahalagahan ka. :) Someone who will treat you right this time. Aja! Hahaha! Mahahanap ka din niya! Wag mo siyang hanapin. Sorry pala kasi solo flight ka na. :( Wala ka nang partner sa pag officer. It was never my intention to abandon you friend. I’ll miss you partner!

Joan - Sissy! Our zodiacs got us closer. That’s what I know! Our hubbies will forever be close so as the two of us (hoepfully). From the very start I know that we’ll get along. At your pioneering days at home, I immediately observed the similarities we have. Same as me, you are not used to speak out your mind. Most especially when in group. You observe and listen rather than sharing your own version of the story. Quiet at times but fun to talk to. Focused on her duties. Organized, truthfully speaking. Salamat sa pagsama mo sakin, anytime, anywhere. Hahaha! For taking over my obligations during the days that my presence cannot be found. Nature ko talaga kasi maging ‘missing in action’. LOL. Mamimiss ko ung chat mo. You are my Dept. Store buddy as well! Shopping over here and there. XD Yung biruan natin, usapan, tawanan, these are worth remembering. Okay… balik tayo sa observant. Haha! You are my mind reader. As in! Am I too obvious or what? Clearly, you are able to tell what I feel, think and predict my next move. Kudos to you! Skill yan. May future kang maging manghuhula. Hahahaha. Also, you’ve become my consultant; pertaining hair, lip tint, etc. I’ll miss you being by my side, canteen buddy. Omg. Ang dami na. Pahabol, salamat sa masasarap mong supplies ng pagkain! Lalo na sa chocolate cake. Heaven! Pag ikakasal na kayo ni Lay invite mo ko!

Jackie - Seatmate! You! Yes you! The one I consider as my closest friend at the workplace. My trusted confidant. You’ve seen me, laugh, cry, angered, annoyed, dumbfounded. You are the witness to my every emotions. I would’ve never thought we’d be this close. But it happened. Dahil sa kadaldalan mo, nabasag mo ‘yong invisible wall ko. Haha! Peace. Out of the blue, mag k-kwento ka. Hanggang sa humaba na ung usapan. Our commonalities in numerous aspects strengthen our bonds. In a span of ‘just’ months you are able to define how I am as a friend/person. You know my fears and strengths. Somehow unlocked the hidden. You know every details to my previous mishaps. Comforted me at my down times. During tengga days, I’ll miss our throwback singing session. Lol. Thankful to have known a co-fangirl. True. We relate in so many things the reason why we seldom have dull moments. I’ll miss your random stories. *Ehem* Your corny jokes! Hindi ko alam kung may magpapatawa pa sakin sa next work ko. :( Thankful that I got to sit beside you.. the part I’ll surely be missing as well. We may have fought. But we did get over it. It was the very first time I made a move to talk to someone I had a conflict with. Sorry and thank you for understanding. Ang mean ko dahil sa topak ko. Pasensya na po. Pero alam mo yon, natatawa na lang ako pag naaalala ko.. na un pa ung muntik na dahilan para mapaaga ang pag alis ko sa Homeworld. LOL! Salamat din sa lagi mong pagtulong sa pag check ng box sa D. I may not be showy, but Im more than grateful to have you as a colleague. As per the answer you’ve been pestering me to hear? Yes. I stayed because I realized that you guys mattered to me. Karapat-dapat kayong makilala at makasama pa ng matagal. Ung samahan ng tropa, hindi kasi un ung tipong madaling iwanan. The friendship we built may be breakable. Yet, it is one thing we know that will always be there. It existed. We are composed of different personalities but we are symmetrical to one another. And now that it’s already been 1 year I think it’s enough for me to hold on to all the memories. A thing that’ll retain. Thank you for always being there friend! I’ll never forget~ Kung may nagawa man akong hindi mo kinatuwa, sorry. Sana matupad na ang So Kor dreams mo soon!

Ms. Nessa - First impression ko dati, may pagka-masungit ka. Hahaha! Naaalala ko pa, halos lagi mo kong kinukulit non. Sabi mo ang sarap kong asarin kasi tumatawa lang ako. Un tlaga ung dahil kung bakit ayaw kung nagsososrt sa counter noon. Joke. Haha! Tapos ang tagal kong inaccept ung friend request mo sa Fecebook. Hindi ko alam kung paano tayo naging close. Pero feeling ko un ung kakatanong mo sakin kung kailan ako aalis. At hindi ko din tlaga inasahan na magiging close tayo. :) Thank you for everything Ms Nessa! Mamimiss kitang ipag-sort ng Asinan. Syempre joke lng un. Haha. Thank you sa advices mo. Tsaka sa pakikinig mo sakin lalo na nung naging roller coaster ride ang isang buong linggo ko. Thank you for opening up to me without hesitations. Salamat sa trust. I pray only the best for your family. Lalo na sa kauna-unahan kong inaanak. Alam kong mapapalaki mo siya ng tama. More bonding moments sa inyo ni baby Grabriel. Sorry kasi medyo magulo ung area mo noong pagbalik mo galing ML. Hehehe! I’ve known you for 1 year already! Akalain mo nga naman. :)

Bambi - B1? B2? Which is which? Haha! Bago pa man dumating sila Jackie, ikaw muna ang laging kasama ko. Salamat sa tawanan at kwentuhan. Whenever you say you’ll miss me, I am hardly convinced. Now that this time I’d truly be gone, I assure that I’ll believe you this time, if, you’ll still do. Thank you for lending me a hand, always. If we ever meet again, sana matuloy na ung hiking natin. Hahaha! I wish you and your ‘Jersern’ a stable relationship kahit na alam kong bipolar ka. (^^)v

Zen - Hi Zen! Ikaw ung isa sa madalas kong tulungan tuwing details kasi alam naman nating lagi kang champion. Hahaha. Mamimiss ko ung mga nakaka-shookt mong expressions Zen. The best ka talaga magulat. Super thank you nga pala sa gift mo!

Nori - Na-stress ako pumili ng gift na ibibigay ko sayo nung Christmas Party. Lol. Sobrang general lang kasi. I do not know much about you. Also, you rarely ask for my help during details. So anyways hahaha Thank you for giving me your Corn Flavored Energen nung time na sobrang nag-crave ako. HAHA! Pati pala sa Shingaling. This food shall also be a reminder of you. :) Sorry kung inaasar kita ‘non kay J*n***. Haha. Ang cute nyo kasi, Kung magkatuluyan man kayo patabain mo yon haha kawawa nangangalansay eh. Hihi. I pray for the best sa inyo ng baby girl mo. It is never easy to face trials alone. But having her as your reason is enough to carry on. May you find the right man that’ll take good care of you and your daughter in the near future. :)

Benny - Hi Ben! Hihi. I can still recall how we got comfortable with each other.. Yun ung kailangan kitang samahan sa Building F para maghanap ng O.R. Hahaha. Nahihiya ako non sa Shuttle kasi baka alam mo yon, *croo croo* Hahaha. Pero nag start ka mag rant sakin regarding sa work at kung gaano ka nabababdtrip. Hanggang sa ayon na. Yun na yon. XD Ehem, your collection of crushes. Thank you for your openness. I appreciate the trust. :) But here I’ll confess. Pero alam kong nasabi ko na ‘to sayo ng personal dati. ….Na nasabi kay ‘ano’ na may taga hanga siya sa Home. Peace. :( Sorry. Hindi naman siya intentional may isang beses kasi na inaaway ako non so binanggit ko yon nang tumahimik ang lolo mo. Hindi man ako nag drop ng name. Pero sorry pa rin Bens. Won’t happen again. I’ll miss you ‘Terminal Buddy’. Pati yung mabilis mong paglalakad, pag bitibit at pagbalot ng Terminal Pay. You’ve been challenged by putting you in that position (Not Trade) so early. Pero tignan mo naman ngayon, okay ka na. Proud at masaya ko’t naka-adapt ka na sa work. Kayang-kaya mo na. :) Lastly, thank you sa movies. Naka-save ako ng kuryente. Nyahahaha.

And sa mga random people na na-meet ko during my stay

Kuya dispatcher ng Paliparin, thank you for always prioritizing me kasi sabi mo malelate na ko.

HSC acctg bosses. It was a privilege to be under your supervision and guidance. Thank you po!

To the heads and bosses, I am not in the position to judge you… For wearing grumpy faces. I do not know the number of scratches you crumpled and throw out to reach your titles. It might be your purpose.. to bring out the guts out of a delicate kind of a person. To remind that a person can still cross the limit she thought as the final end of her character. Just that, I am too afraid yet to break that in a single blink. My only wish…. be gentler to some who can’t handle fall backs. Generalizing people may cause others to weaken more than her current state.

Tropang triplets. This is to acknowledge your patience and gentlemanlike manner despite of my ever masungit and demanding temperament. Very much aware that I am hard to deal with but you, dudes, made it through. Haha. Stress no more over your never-ending boxes. Though you are pestering me countless times, I thank you for helping me with my concerns. Sorry for being brutal and moody often times. :P

Kuya JRS 1&2, message center, protemps messengers, utilities, suppliers, canteen staff, Kuya Globe na hi-tech magpa-receieve… Thank you for your involvement in my work experience.

Kuya Asinan & friends who seldom had lapses greeting me and tolerating my requests, thank you.

From July to April….. monthly, I used to say I’ll be leaving by this particular month. On the other hand, I hardly can’t do it. Kasi hindi ko alam na…. na-attach na pala ko. Na ganito pala yung close to perfect na set ng workmates na gusto ko. Kung saan kumportable ako. But then, an opportunity turned distress got me withdraw from once a fine routine. I am almost stuffed with self doubt within that trials. More so, my faith Above is collapsing when I thought it isnt. I am shamefully guilty for disappointing the Highest. Prior to this discomforting scenario, I’ve decided to render my days til the last day of April. Except that, I’ve decided to immediately pursuit an escape. Granted by Him. Hence, voiding everything on April 2. What if’s questions ponders upon me. I pity myself for giving up too soon and blinding my eyes to see the miracle that is in the work. Stepping stone is in the grasp of my own hands yet I was too unwary to take a grip.

Thank you for the warm send off.

Ill miss you all always and forever. Love youuuuuuu

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yolodosages · 7 years

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Internship Syndrome.

Colds.

You make my breathing uneasy. You clog my nose, you give me sore throat. You give me problem with my airways. But I still enjoy it anyway, coz you make my heart happy.

Listening to you talking give my heart another rush. A rush I’m missing right now that you aren’t here to spend the night with me. (Chos) Mag duty kana kasi!!

Ba’t ba ganito?

Since nung first time tayong magka-shift at magkausap na-eenjoy ko ang bawat boring at toxic hours natin sa lab. At first I was hesitant to talk you. Para kasing mapili ka sa kakausapin mo. You seemed serious which I interpreted as if you said, ‘we’re not close don’t start something as if’. But when you start talking, at nam-bully (uu, wagas kang mam-bully) napatunayan kong, 'ayy first impression never last’.

Hindi ka boring kausap. As in, dami kong tawa. What I like the most is nasasabayan mo ang ka-cornyhan ko at mga hugot na minsan waley pero kadalasan havey. (HAHAHA)

Ito na, para na tayong 'close’ kasi sideline of sharing na sa personal nating buhay. Minsan na-fefeel ko na nakatitig ka sa akin (uu, kasi kadalasan feeler ako haha) kaya linilingon kita. Yung effort ko na lingonin ka wasn’t wasted when I caught you looking at me. But, please naman wag naman always yung mga cardiac markers ko nagkakagulo na. They rise as my heart muscles constrict as a response to your heartmelting stare (Jusko! anong kahibangan na naman ito?)

Syempre hindi nagpapahalata si ganda (baka sabihin mo pang mapaglagay ako ng malisya). Usually I stare you back na pagalit pero in a silly way. Silly stares and my heart is getting loco-loco.

Ano ba? Papatayin mo ba ako sa kakahawak mo ng kamay ko? Sa kaka-lean mo sa lap ko kasi inaantok ka na? Or sa kaka-bully mo sa'kin tas pag-nagcomment ako sasabihan mo ako ng 'kahit na, i still find you sexy’? O sa bawat tawa mo sa mga kalokohan at ka-cornyhan ko sabay sabing 'I like your wit’. Oh di ba? Sino bang hindi madadala? Ang lakas ng gravitational pull papunta sayo. (hihi)

Tas, nung tinanong ka kung ba’t mo na gustuhan yung friend ko sabi mo, “Admire lang”. Ayy showbiz ka pa tapos halos ikumot mo na ang panyo mo na sinuli nya. Kinilig din ako sa reaction mo dun haha.

Hindi ako sure kong ako ba yung sinasabihan mo ng cute kapag tumatawa ako at may nagawa akong hindi tama tas tatawanan ko nalang. Palagi ko tong naririning sayo, “you’re so cutie” “cute” “ang cute cute mo”. Ayaw ko sabihin na ako yung tinutukoy mo ngunit ayaw ko rin sabihin na yung classmate ko na lalaki yung sinasabihan mo (hmm).

When you let me tie your hair kasi medyo mahaba na you just let me (haha). Tapos I braided your hair then kung ano-ano pang ginawa ko. (wala lang pumayag ka lang). Ayy ewan. Hindi ko na to tatapusin kaso…para matatapos din naman lahat ng kahibangan ko sayo kaya itutuloy ko na.

Dba? Alam mo na may staff na superduper crush ko talaga. Isa ka sa mga witness nung kinilig ako sa tabi dahil andyan si sir J. Dahil dun binu-bully mo rin ako. Pero yung bully na dapat ma-iinis ako pero hindi e, mas lalo tuloy kitang ginusto (chos, certified mais na talaga ako). Dahil kaka-rotate mo lang sa section tapos kami patapos na ang rotation palagi kang nagtatanong sa'kin sa workflow hanggang saan-saan nalang umaabot yung usapan natin.

Sige na, amin na natin na…nasasabayan ko din green jokes mo (HAHA). Mga walang kwentang story at mga jokes mong kasing kulay na ng algae (haha). We are on the same level of craziness. Mahilig ka rin sa adventures, ako din. Ang kaibahan lang nagagawa mong gumala talaga ng bongga while me has to come up with reason na may sense para lang payagan (strict parents).

Sabi mo, mag-beach tayo kasi alam mo na mahilig ako dun (na-ishare ko 'to sayo). Casual lang yung dating sa'kin kaso dinagdagan mo pa ng 'movie marathon tayo dun’. Hala! Buti nalang nakagawa ako ng smooth escape bago ko pa masabi ang salitang “oms, romantic!!” Na-imagine ko kasi na sa seashore tayo uupo while nag-momovie marathon. Aww.

Nagtanong ka rin kung sino yung guy na nagbigay ng flower sa friend ko na crush mo. Sabi ko “matagal na admirer na nya”. Tas nagtanong ka pa kung open ba sya sa mga ganyan, “yung may nagbibigay sa kanya ng flowers” paglinaw mo. I told you what I knew bout her, “Yep, she appreciates all the simple things tas okay lang sa kanya na may magpahayag ng admiration sa kanya”.

Then the question darted on me. “Ikaw ba? Open ka rin sa ganyan?” tanong mo.

Pabiro kitang sinagot, “It’s a pleasure actually. Para sa akin blessing na nga haha. Ikaw ba naman ang unusual na makatanggap tas bibigyan ka ng ganyan tas may admirer ka pa” in the back of my mind halos mamatay na ako sa kakatawa dahil sa ka cornyhan ko. Pero totoo yun ha.

I asked you kun bakit mo natanong. “May mga babae kasing ayaw makatanggap ng flowers.”

Sabi ko, “Sus! Kung ako pa 'yun ikakasaya ko ng bongga, ang sweet kaya maka-received ng flowers”

Ewan ko sayo, pero bakit nga ba pag magkausap tayo napapasaya mo ako. Tas plus points na yung kilig. Langya naman kasi ng sinabi mong, “makaka-received ka na rin ng flowers. Don’t worry”. Halos akalain kong may plano kang magbigay. (told yah! Feeler ako! Haha)

Pero yung sunod na tanong mo, para ikakasal na ako sa kaba. “Are you allowed to have boyfriend?” Hindi ko na ma-alala kung ano yung previous topic natin bago ka nagtanong kasi talagang hindi ka nasalo yung tanong mo. Nakaka-amnesia! Halos wala akong na-isagot kasi hindi pa rin nag-sisink in yung tanong tas ako para nasa cloud nine na.

“Well, uu naman..siguro” talagang kinakabahan ako sa maisagot ko. “As long as I’m also doing good…i mean will still do good on my studies. They’d understand naman.” Halos palakpakan ko na yung sarili ko after.

You nodded. “Mabuti naman kung ganun”. Ano na ba? Bibigyan ko na ba to ng meaning? Aasa na ba ako dun?

Yung pagsabay nya sa'kin pag-uwi may meaning na ba yun? Yung paghawak nya sa kamay ko? Friendly lang ata sya. I must see it that way. Para walang 'akong’ aasa at madadapa. Para happy lang na kinikilig. Yung eenjoy ko nalang to (water therapy lang). Maliit na bagay lang to. Gagaling din ako. Mawawala rin to katulad ng karamihan dumaan lang, may ibang tumambay pero umalis din.

Colds, mild viral infection. It will normally clears up on its own within a week or two. I’ll have to wait before I could confirm I’m having…something..yet I cannot describe…towards you.

P.S mag-duty ka na. Hahaha. May utang ka pa sa'kin haggang sa chat ba naman bully ka pa rin.

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