#most embarassing thing ive ever posted is this btw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gelataisa · 3 months

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I know that it’s probably late, but here is a pizza post that I made in order to make everyone’s life easier! https://www.tumblr.com/anon4228/742511610946600960

(I could’ve started doing it non-anonymously already but where is fun to that)

(please tell me if I’m bothering you cuz I sometimes don’t know when to stop)

anon wth are you saying why would i ever stop you. i love you.

Ive just seen the post and honestly. that you created an account just for me and just for this is one of the best things ever.

this said.

i dont want to force any pizza on you so please only eat pizza when you feel like it.

then. wth you ate pizza in Castellammare di Stabia???? Dude i thought i was talking to someone that had never had the og pizza 😭😭😭😭 i feel slightly embarassed. though im happy you're enjoying this. btw the one you ate there could have been "a ruota di carro" which means that basically its very thin and very large.

that pizza looks fucking delicious and now im craving. also to see it in bucharest. wow. im happy though that real pizzas are escaping confinement. i hope they become the norm everywhere. that pizzaiol* really knows what theyre doing and how to do it. A kiss on their cheek. also im very glad you liked the margherita!!! its the best pizza to me. you get to feel all the good there is in pizza when you eat it. the second one if im guessing right is with radicchio (chicory???), speck, walnuts and maybe some soft cheese?? Mascarpone maybe? But those combo of ingredients is very common and famous here, still very on the gourmet side though. So yeah i believed you went to the best place for pizzas. you did good and i envy you a bit. i will strive to eat a very good pizza too in my next future.

the only proper way to eat a pizza is the one that gives you the most pleasure. in you want to eat it with fork and knife go for it!! Some may even tell you that the only proper way is to fold it in 4 and eat it like that (try searching pizza a portafoglio!!)

how much are you travelling really. both bucharest and vienna??? Wow. I hope youre having fun in your travels!!!!

Fun fact: i am making pizza again today so tomorrow im gonna eat it and be very happy

#now im back to studying #anon for anything my askbox is open #youre spectacular #gegeask

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meat-huge-pain-endless · 5 months

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huge vent post feel free to ignore✌️

tw just in case tho for depression, anxiety, suicide/suicidal ideation, death, disordered eating, drug use, dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization

i need someone to come put a straight jacket on me i ruin everything i fucking touch i don’t want to be a bother but im desperate to be known so i spill my guts just for them to get trampled. and i really do let everyone walk all over me. i assume that every other human being on the planet knows better than me about everything and i will tolerate literally an treatment so long as you’re a little bit nice to me sometimes, or even if you just tell me that you are ill probably believe you. my self esteem is so fucking low plus i can’t ever rlly tell what’s true anymore. my memory is so fucking bad like the amount of times a day i forget what im saying mid-sentence and then forget what i had just said and then forget what i was even talking about in the first place is genuinely embarassing. it’s so fucking humiliating actually like i am so out of it all of the time and i can never tell if it’s bc im dissociating or bc im dehydrated or bc i didn’t sleep or bc i haven’t eaten or bc i forgot to take my adhd meds or bc i hit the pen at 9:30am again or bc i DIDNT hit the pen but i have brain fog from smoking the night before and at this point it’s probably all of it all the time like it is so bad. ive never been worse in my life i don’t think. again i wouldn’t rlly know. all my memories feel a million miles away. im alone in my dorm room rn bc my roommate and our other friend went to our other other friend’s dorm to hang out. if i think about it too hard ill probably start crying. i was crying before they were even out the door.

everyone told me college is where you meet “your people.” the friends you have for the rest of your life. why do i have about 3 friends total (as in i actually hang out with them outside of classes/club meetings/school events/etc) and why do none of them feel like they’re actually my friends. oh wait actually i know why that is. it’s because i don’t feel like im real when im at college. that’s how i felt last year (like school year, and it was awful btw, thought it was the worst year of my life but then this semester happened and now im not so sure) but it just occurred to me that im feeling the same way except this time i wasn’t so alarmed by it bc i got used to it. like this is baseline college feeling for me. the worst part of it all is that everything is actually all my fault. like for real not sarcasm. my anxiety is so fucking severe and i didn’t realize it at all until recently when i started having more frequent panic attacks. i cry most days. i hyperventilate way too easily. i walk thru the world just going about my everyday life with the anxiety levels of an animal being hunted for sport. like literally if i accidentally do something wrong in public like the smallest tiniest stupidest mistake like pushing on a pull door or something i get so embarrassed it like so very seriously and genuinely the idea of people thinking that im stupid or laughing at me makes me want to die like seriously kill myself dead and i cannot overstate that im so scared of what people thjnk of me all the time.

oh and did i mention i also literally never stop thinking? overanalyzing everything i do and say and everything everyone else does and says to me and im always worried that my friends hate me or secretly think im an awful person or im thinking about things that they might potentially hate me for later down the line and sometimes i try to preemptively circumvent that by randomly being like “hey if i ever [insert thing im worried might potentially make them not like me anymore] just know that it’s not because [reason i think it might make them potentially not like me]” OH and i also all the time will ask my friends if they think im a bad person which is like so insane of me actually like why the fuck do i do that THIS IS WHAT I MEANT AT THE BEGINNING!!!! PUT ME IN A STRAIGHTJACKET CUT OFF MY GODDAMN HANDS JUST PLEASE DO SOMETHJNG because no matter what i fucking do i always end up crawling to SOMEONE to beg them for reassurance or tell them something that will make them worry about me (sometimes im not even aware im doing that one!) because i just need someone to care. i need someone to care about me or else im not real. (i feel like i only exist contextually but i don’t have time to get into all that right now). but then i get embarrassed for needing something. the fact that i have needs and wants and desires is the most embarrassing thing in the world. asking for what i want and need is the most mortifying torturous experience in the world. i hate being vulnerable.

i want to be cared for without judgement. i want to stop feeling like i am hard to like and even harder to love. i want to stop feeling tired all the time. i want to stop feeling miserable all the time. i want to feel like im real, like i actually exist. i don’t want to die, but i don’t want to live either. i think the only thing about death that still scares me is the fact that i would have to go alone. but the idea of infinite nothingness sounds like a dream. it’s so loud in my head all the time. i just want it all to stop.

#im sorry y'all #i just needed to put all of this somewhere that wasn't my brain #anyways #i sincerely hope that you are all doing better than i am right now #i'll b ok eventually tho

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