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prorevenge · 5 years

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Sergeant DGAF 'Bout Your Emergency

So this started more than a decade ago, but I remember (most of) it like yesterday. It is my own story, and I tell this from my perspective. This is a long story, but I promise you will be staring at the screen, thinking “dafuq?” by midway through.

Background

Early 2000s. I was in the military, mid 20s, stationed somewhere in Europe. Rank E-4. It’s a bit different when you’re stationed overseas, and your squadron basically becomes your extended family. The Mission is always priority #1, but everyone tries to go the extra mile to make sure their people are taken care of. This was my second assignment, and my second overseas assignment.

I had just gotten married when I was on an extended leave back in the States, during my PCS (Permanent Change of Station; officially changing your assigned base) to this new location. I became an instant father overnight, now having a wife and a 3-year-old (step) daughter when I had none before. My wife became pregnant with our son about 5 months later.

My new supervisor was a Master Sergeant, who I will call Bastar(d) Sergeant [sic], or BS, for the rest of this. Bastar-Sergeant the Master Sergeant.

BS was a family man, married for a while (about ~15 years or so) and had two kids with his wife, as well as two kids of his own from a previous marriage, with his wife ALSO having two kids from a previous marriage. This is relevant because BS, being a family man with six kids ages 4 to 17, often would have stuff going on with his family and need to cut out early, miss morning briefings, and so on.

It was no big deal if we weren’t working on mission critical stuff. It’s rough when the nearest military hospital is 30-45 mins away at another military facility and you can only depend on your own immediate family and fellow military members. Just about everyone, BS especially with his larger family, had to cut in and out of work fairly frequently when we didn’t have big things going on. But hey, take care of your people, they’ll take care of the mission.

Now, BS and I got along really well at first. He and his wife were both quite the “socialites” and would constantly – damn near every weekend – have parties at their house and invite people over. It was fun at first, but it really grew tiresome. Being a new family man myself, and really just starting to figuring it all out (translated: how to keep your wife happy and not both be miserable, while still trying to be a functional adult in the military), and I just could NOT keep up with the party-every-weekend lifestyle.

BS and Mrs. BS drank a lot at those parties, too. You could tell it took a toll on their health. I guess that might be tempting with that many kids, and a 17-turning-18 daughter that had just gotten pregnant with her foreign boyfriend, but I digress…

Like I said, I just couldn’t keep up, not every weekend. I slowly fell out of favor with BS and his “Good ol’ Boys Club.” He wasn’t hostile per-se, but there were times he would just get mean, and with increasing frequency. He would call me into his office for tiny things, like thinking I had shown up to work late, when I could prove that I had been logged in on my terminal 10 minutes before start time – meaning I was at least 15-20 mins early due to walking times, putting my coat and stuff in lockers, etc. But my terminal’s clock, synched with the atomic clock, didn’t matter compared to his clock on the wall.

I was also called out for attending big medical appointments for my wife’s pregnancy, like being there when they determined my son was a boy – I was called out specifically when everyone else was doing the same thing.

The assignment was slowly turning into hell. Meanwhile, the members of the Good ol’ Boys Club would often be very late (without phoning), constantly going to appointments, and so on. There was definitely some favoritism going on. But in such a small unit, overseas, what can you do? The guy was even buddy-buddy with the First Sergeant, and they had been friends since bootcamp.

Anyway, enough background. Onward!

The Main Event

This is where things got crazy. My son had just been born, healthy and at a good weight, not even two weeks earlier. I came home from work after a very long day, about 13 hours on a normal 8 hour shift, due to some stuff breaking.

My wife was exhausted because she was still healing from the birth, and our son had gotten really, really cranky and irritable through the day. He was non-stop fussing and feeling slightly warmer, but not quite running a fever.

I let her go to sleep, and to give her peace, I tried to sleep in the chair downstairs with the kiddo bundled up on me. He got worse and worse through the night, and at about 0300 hrs, I noticed that his diaper smelt really strange (sorry to gross you out), with just pee. It was a sickly smell, not at all what anything from a human body should ever smell like. He seemed hot, so I went to take his temperature. He had risen to 103.5 F – VERY dangerous for an infant.

Fuck.

I immediately wake up my wife and rush him to the hospital. She stays behind at home with our daughter, since the ER is no place to keep a young kid and we didn’t know anyone that could watch her at that late of an hour.

Since it would have taken longer to wait on an ambulance out in the countryside, I sped to get him to the military hospital’s ER in about 20 mins. They immediately put him on fluids and call in the on-call pediatrician. They move him to the ICU, and after a few long hours, I get told that they believe he has a urinary tract and kidney infection, and while they had gotten his temperature down to a safer spot, we weren’t out of the woods yet.

While waiting, knowing that my regular work day was coming up, I tried calling everyone’s phone number I had, but nobody answered. At the gym probably. After leaving some voicemails, I gave up and decided to wait until people roll in at 0700 hrs. I kept trying to call the unit phone number, but no one answered until 0720. I get asked by one of the guys where I was, I let him know I’m at the hospital due to an emergency with my newborn, and he gets BS over to the phone.

BS: OP, where you at?

Me: I’m at the hospital. My son is in the ICU, had a fever of 104 and a serious infection. I’ve been up all night and haven’t slept.

BS: Well you should be at work. You missed PT, and you’re late.

Me: *pausing, because, WTF?* … I need to come into work? My son had to go to the ER, he’s in the ICU…

BS: I don’t want to hear it. You’ve already been late multiple times. [but not really, as I mention above] *angrily* Get your ass down here!

Me: … Uh, well I’m not in uniform. I will have to stop by my house. One parent is required to be here, so I need to see if one of my neighbors can give my wife a ride to the hospital, and our daughter has to be dropped off at school because children can’t be in the ICU.

BS: Just get here. *hangs up*

I was completely floored. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

At no point in my entire military career, before and since then, have I EVER heard of anyone being forced to come in to work when an immediate family member was in the hospital for an emergency. I was half confused, half outraged, and wholly beside myself.

My wife shows up, I take the car home after updating her and making plans to take care of our daughter while we rotate shifts at the hospital. I did a very quick SSS – shit, shower, shave – and drive over to the shop.

BS ignored me when I arrive, other than a sidelong disapproving look. I start my usual routine, but I am exhausted, worried sick, and pretty fucking angry all at once. Some of my coworkers heard what happen and are concerned, but BS the tyrant seems to be angry himself and no one wants to approach him.

Revenge, Part 1

A few hours went by, with me keeping in touch with my wife on the status of our son. I tried approaching BS a few times, but he was having none of it.

One of the other Master Sergeants in the squadron, part of a different unit, but whom I had worked with before, came by and noticed me probably looking distraught. We’ll call her Hero Sergeant, or HS. She pulls me aside to one of the quiet corners of the shop.

HS: OP, are you okay? You look terrible?! Is something wrong?

Me: [I tell her about my son being sick and in the ICU – I was barely able to hold my composure in at this point, I was so angry yet so worried and downtrodden about my son, and I’m fighting to keep it together through the exhaustion and lack of sleep.]

HS: WHAT?! Why the hell are you here?!

Me: I’m not sure. BS ordered me to come in when I tried to explain. He won’t talk to me.

HS: Fuck that. Hang tight.

HS then quickly walks off. Now, our unit is on the other side of the base from the main squadron: about 15 minutes later, just enough time to drive to the squadron and back, HS appears – along with our unit Captain, and the squadron’s Major (XO to our Lt. Colonel CO).

The Major storms toward the unit office section, pauses and looks right at me, and says in an obviously angry but soft voice…

Major: OP, get out of here. Your place of duty is the hospital until your son is discharged. Don’t step foot in one of these buildings until then, I don’t care how long it takes. Take care of your family. Are we clear?

Me: *as I start to scramble* Yes, sir.

Major: *yelling* BS, GET YOUR ASS IN THIS OFFICE RIGHT NOW!

I proceed to quickly gather my shit together, all while seeing BS head toward that same office door and he gives me a glowering look on his way in.

As I leave, there is no possible way to doubt that everyone in the area, probably the whole building, could hear BS get absolutely reamed and raked over the coals by the Major as I departed. The Major was always a quiet and fair man, I had never seen him anywhere even approaching angry, so it was absolutely terrifying to behold.

I have to admit, it felt good to know that he was getting some of what he deserved.

My son did clear up eventually and was discharged from the hospital 5 days later, healthy and no harm done, thank God!

I know this first part’s “revenge” isn’t quite revenge, but it was sweet, sweet karma to see that asshole put in his place. Still, as good as it was, it made things worse between BS and I much, much worse.

Fallout

Well after all that, BS hated my guts. Obviously, it would be career suicide to openly retaliate against me, so he found little ways to do so at every opportunity. That wasn’t to say I didn’t have my faults, I certainly did, and I made mistakes no doubt, but what he did was particularly underhanded.

You see, it wasn’t until he PCS’ed to his new assignment that I learned what he had done. My new Sergeant (NS) was awesome, highly relatable, and knew BS from previous deployments together - he indicated on more than a few occasions that he wasn’t exactly fond of BS.

In the meantime, I had gone to training to become a Sergeant myself and graduated at the top of my class with honors. I then went on to another deployment to the “sandbox” and came back with some major kudos from leadership there, working my butt off every day wanting to prove I was more than what BS tried to paint me as. It was after my return to home station that I learned what BS had been up to - completely behind the scenes.

Remember how even the First Sergeant was buddy-buddy with BS? Well the FS had also PCS’ed while I was deployed. Our new FS went through everyone’s Personnel Information Files (PIFs) and discovered that I had a massive - and I mean massive - stack of Letters of Counseling (basically, you got a “talking to,” and the LOC is documentation proving it) and even a Letter of Admonishment (LOA), a more serious version just under a Reprimand.

I found out from NS that when he and his boss were talking with FS, he was wondering how the hell I hadn’t been kicked out of the service with such a track record. But then he also noted how suspicious it was that every single one of the LOCs and the LOA lacked my signature - something that is required by regulations, acknowledging your reception of it (though not admitting guilt).

I had never been shown these, nor had any idea they existed. The majority of them were very minor infractions, almost none of which I had committed in any fashion. Even more strange, NS caught onto details that there were four of them dated for the same time I was in training (at a different base / different country), and one during a short deployment I had gone on earlier. It didn’t add up, and all three sergeants found it rather confusing and shady.

Thankfully, my performance once I was out of the shadow of BS was more than enough to convince all three sergeants that I was not the dirtbag that BS was trying to paint me as. I don’t know the details, but I do know that his pseudo-forgeries (he could just claim they were “incomplete” and not meant to be filed) caught up to him and he caught some flak for it. He retired not long later, and I hope that it was a black mark on his record.

Revenge, Part Two

So this is where it gets interesting again. Fast forward about four more years. I had gotten out of the service by then, finishing my second enlistment, and I moved back to the States to take advantage of the GI Bill.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’m an IT guy, and I’ve always got at least a dozen boxes of parts, tools, and hard drives. It’s also what I was in college for at the time.

I’m going through a stack of old ATA hard drives to see what I could salvage for a lab projects (we basically needed a bunch of “victim” machines to test against, and a few of us had old ATA motherboards hanging around). I’m checking them before I scramble/wipe the drives to make sure they’re working fine, and to make sure I’m not deleting wanted files/archives.

I’m flipping through this drive’s old files, nothing much beyond typical Windows folders, until I hit a buried directory with a bunch of images in it. I can tell they’re of the X-rated kind from thumbnails - not surprising, I’m a guy, and who didn’t have a sizeable porn stash in their single days, right?

But then I realized… these weren’t porn shots. These were homemade. It definitely wasn’t anything I had ever done. But I recognized something almost immediately - a unique lower back “tramp stamp” on the woman in the photos (faces were never shown). A tattoo I remember clearly: one of the wives of a guy in my old unit was showing it off after she had gotten it.

And the guy she’s on top of? Far, far too pasty of a skin tone to be her husband. It was then that I realized that this was one of the drives I had salvaged from a broken old PC that BS had given me for parts, back when we were still on good terms.

BS had been cheating on his wife with one of his subordinate's wife. Looking at the background of the photos, it was obvious that this was in the home of BS, too - if you remember, we had all been there many times.

Time to extract some revenge. I would like to tell you that I did some cool scene out of Mr. Computer or some crap like that, but really, simple efficiency won out here.

I knew BS, Mrs. BS, and the other couple were all on Facebook (they’d often come up as recommended friends-of-friends). I created an account that vaguely sounded like someone we could all know, and had military work history to match the assignment, in order to protect my own privacy/identity. I sent a few messages each to Mrs. BS and the husband of the tattooed wife. Once I got responses asking, basically, “Who is this?” I just pasted a number of select photos from the private photo shoot.

Mrs. BS, obviously recognizing her husband’s body and their old home in Europe, kept saying “WHAT THE FUCK?” - I said I was just the messenger, and to do with the photos what she pleased.

The husband of the tattooed wife first thought my new identity was the man in the photos and started to threaten me, until I told him to pay special attention to the background. He realized who the man in the photos was, having also been in that house countless times, and thanked me for telling him the truth. While we weren’t close, I do feel really bad for him. :(

(I didn’t feel too bad for Mrs. BS because she turned into a snob when BS got mean.)

I heard through my buddies from the unit that both couples were divorced, roughly a year later. All the old crew knew exactly who had cheated with who. I also heard that the divorce of BS and Mrs. BS was particularly bad. Nobody knows who leaked the photos, though.

Closing

This is the first time I have admitted to what I did, just for the sake of revenge and getting back at the bastard who did so much to personally attack me, even in a time of need, and who very nearly ruined my military career. Part of the reason I decided to get out of the service was because of him - I never wanted one person to have that much control over my life again.

I hope you enjoyed my story, sorry it was so long, but there was just so much that happened. I could add even more crap that he did, too.

And to Bastar-Sergeant, if you ever read this someday, I’m sure you will have realized who I am. I only have one thing to say to you: Fuck you - you deserved it.

(source) story by (/u/Celesae)

#prorevenge #by /u/Celesae #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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A health survey.

What health problems do you have right now? Chronic back pain (due to scoliosis, back surgeries with metal rods put in, and paraplegia), mental health issues, nutritional issues, and a few other chronic issues that I don’t want to get into detail about. Are you in chronic pain? ^^^ Yes. I’m on a pain management regimen. What do you take medications for? The only medication I take currently is a narcotic. What are some health issues you have had in the past? Some of the same things that I’m dealing with now. Some have been chronic and some have come back. Do you have allergies? Just tangerines, but it’s not an issue cause it’s not something I encounter. I didn’t like them anyway, so not a loss for me.

If so, what are you allergic to? ^^^

Have you ever been to an allergist? No, never had to. Have you ever been to the ER? Yeah. Have you ever been treated poorly in the ER? No.

Have you ever been told your symptoms were anxiety, when they weren’t? No, but I’ve been told it was something else when it wasn’t. I went to my doctor about my anxiety and they did a blood test to test my thyroid. I get that some of the symptoms of a thyroid disorder are the same as some of the ones for anxiety, but it turned out to be anxiety related as I suspected. What is the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? I’ve had a few surgeries, and those are quite painful. How many surgeries have you had? 5. What types of surgery have you had? 1 was an exploratory surgery when my incident happened, 2 of them of them were spinal surgeries, 1 was for a pressure sore where part of my femur had to be removed and a skin flap had to be done, and 1 was for my colon that was damaged due to another health issue that I don’t feel like getting into.

Have you always recovered well from surgery? Well, that last surgery on my colon was also supposed to clear up something else that was related, but it didn’t. I’m still dealing with that part 7 years later.

Have you ever been treated poorly by a doctor? No. I just don’t like how it is has to be now to get pain medications. It’s really hard.

Have you ever had a doctor tried to kill you? Wow, no. Is your primary care doctor a man or a woman? Man. Although, I see one of my specialist doctors, who is female, way more often than my primary doctor and she’s been the one to order other tests like xrays and give referrals and such. Have you had the same primary care doctor your whole life? I had one from the time of my incident at 7 months old until I was 21. That was at a children’s hospital and the cutoff was 21, so at that point I got the boot and had to be on my own. That was a hard adjustment because seeing the same doctor for everything at a a hospital where everything could be done in one place was really convenient. Now I have to see all these different doctors. Are you happy with your current doctor? My primary and one of the specialists I regularly see, along with her assistant, is great.

Have you ever seen a specialist for anything? Several throughout my life. I’ve mentioned a couple already in this survey that I currently see. What is the most itchiest thing you have ever experienced? Healing after surgery. You know things are healing when they get really itchy. Have you ever had a severe itch, that you’d rate a 10? Yes. On a scale of 1-10, what’s the worst physical pain you’ve ever been in? 10+. Have you ever passed out from pain? I’ve sure been close. I’ve been really nauseous from pain. Have you ever thrown up from pain? No, but like I’ve said I’ve gotten really nauseous from pain on several occasions. Do you have any food intolerances? If so, to what? Lactose intolerance. Do you have any food sensitivities? If so, to what? Spicy foods. It really, really sucks because I used to be obsessed with spicy food and ate it all the time before. What medications are you allergic to? None.

Do you have acne? I’ll get a pimple or two now and then, but nothing major. I dealt with it in high school and my early 20s, though. My issue now is that my skin is really dry. Do you take birth control pills? No. Are your hormones screwed up? Yes. Do you have bad withdrawals from medications? I would if I had to stop taking my pain medication. What are some withdrawal symptoms you’ve had? What are some bad side effects of medications that you’ve had? I’ve had some anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds that I didn’t like.

Have you ever gained weight from a medication? If so, how much? No.

Have you ever had to take Prednisone? No. If so, did it make you gain weight and make your face puff up? How many hours a sleep do you need? It never feels like enough. How many hours a sleep do you get? About 5 or 6 on a good day. Do you exercise enough? I don’t at all. :/ Do you eat healthy? No. Are you on a special diet for your health? I’m supposed to be on a high protein, high calorie diet and drink those protein shakes. I also have a few vitamin deficiencies that I’m supposed to be taking supplements for. Are you trying to lose weight or gain weight? I need to gain weight, but it’s been a struggle due to appetite issues and other health stuff. It’s a struggle for me to eat a lot and some days eating feels so much like a chore and something I have to make myself do. Are you a healthy weight? No. Are you happy with your weight? No. How often do you wash your hair? Every 2-3 days. Do you take showers or baths? Showers. How often do you shower or bathe? Every couple days. Do you take vitamins? If so, which ones? No, but I’m supposed to. What bones have you broken? Leg bones. What’s the worst physical injury you’ve had? The one that made me a paraplegic. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. What time of year do you usually get sick? I always feel sick and crappy in some way another. I was last really sick with the flu and bronchitis back in January through mid February, though. I don’t get viruses like that often, like I hadn’t been sick like that in a few years. I just generally don’t feel well a lot of the time in other ways. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I think just 101. Have you ever had the flu? Yep, like I said I had it really back a couple months ago. Have you ever had bronchitis? Yes. Like I said, I just had that a couple months ago, too. Have you ever had an ear infection? Not that I know of. Do you snore? No. What pain reliever do you use for cramps? I used my pain medication. I don’t get my period anymore, though. If you’re female, what symptoms do you get when on your period? I got ‘em all. I had the worst PMS/PMDD. Do you have regular periods? I don’t have them anymore. Are you afraid of shots? Yes. I get blood work done a lot and it never gets easier for me. Have you ever donated blood? No. Do you do well with shots? NO. They’re always scared I’m going to pass out because I get really hot and sweaty and look like I’m going to be sick. What x-rays have you had? Countless xrays throughout my life of all different kinds. Have you ever gotten a pill or a piece of food stuck in your throat? ksjfsklflskd yes. Hence why I can no longer take pills without crushing them now. I had a really bad, serious incident back in like 2011 and I couldn’t take pills normally ever since because I developed a real fear. My throat literally felt like it was closing in if I even attempted to try, so I just started crushing them. What method of birth control do you use, if applicable? I don’t.

Do you take birth control to control hormones, or to prevent pregnancy? How often does your hair need to be washed? Like I said, I wash it every 2-3 days. What do you keep on hand for emergencies? I just take my medicine with me whenever I leave. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? Yes. Have you ever used an epi pen? No. Have you ever been to the ER for a severe allergic reaction? No. What’s the worst burn you’ve ever had? Spilling hot food on myself, placing a hot plate on my legs, and placing a cup of coffee (with the sleeve) between my legs. I thought it was cool enough and it would be fine with the sleeve, but I was wrong. If you don’t already know, I’m a paraplegic so I didn’t feel it. I only discovered later that day. Have you had any health-related embarrassing moments? Yes. If so, what happened? (if you want to share) Do you use tampons or pads? Do you sweat a lot? Ugh, yes. I’m hot a lot of the time for one thing. Summer is just absolutely miserable for me. I also get night sweats, which is really gross. Do you get nosebleeds? No. Do you get motion sickness? Yes. Do you have acne? You asked this already. Do you have scars? Several. What are some of your scars from? Surgeries, mostly. Some from the burns I talked about. And then others from other random things. Do you have a birthmark? If so, what color is it? Yeah, on my right elbow. It’s brown. What makes your eyes itch? Dirt, dust, or when it’s like really smoky. Are you ticklish? Just my neck. Do you have a sweet tooth? Somewhat. I’ll have my cravings. Do you ever crave chocolate? Like a Reeses or white chocolate sometimes. Or white chocolate Reese’s. Yum. Do you ever crave cheese? I love cheese. I am lactose intolerant, but I can have some cheese. What else, if anything, do you get cravings for? Chicken sandwiches, tenders, or wings, pasta, ramen, potatoes in various forms. Do you drink enough water? No. Do you comfort eat when stressed? No. I used to do that. I used to be such a food and then it all changed a few years ago. How old were you when you started your period? 13. How old were you when you started going through puberty? 13. What was the first sign of puberty for you? …My period? <<<< Did your hair change when you went through puberty? Hair started to grow in places, but as for changes, not really. <<< At what time of day do you normally feel your best? After I’ve had my first cup of coffee. It doesn’t last long, but I look forward to that first cup everyday. Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Very pessimistic. Are you naturally energetic? Ha, no. I have like zero energy. Does your mind wander a lot? Yes. Do you know your blood type? I actually don’t. You’d think I would by now after all the doctor visits, blood work, and surgeries I’ve had. I should really know that. Have you ever been taken to the hospital against your will? Nope. Any final thoughts? Nope.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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reporterbumble561 · 3 years

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Jdate Reddit

Back in the day, Farrah Abraham was a nice Christian high school girl from Council Bluffs, Iowa. Like any 16 year old, she had hopes and aspirations – her plan was to go into modeling after graduation. All those dreams came crashing down when she found herself pregnant. And it got even better when the baby’s father Derek Underwood died in a tragic car crash two months before she gave birth. So much drama right? Just perfect for the voyeuristic shlockmeisters at MTV Networks who found a perfect cast member for their new “Reality” show – 16 and Pregnant – which followed the stories of pregnant teenage girls in high school dealing with the hardships of teenage pregnancy. Duh. That appearance provided Farrah with her next gig, another MTV waste of life titled Teen Mom – which followed the lives of Farrah and three other girls from the first season of 16 and Pregnant as they navigated their first years of motherhood.

After spending so much time in the spotlight – Teen Mom regularly pulled upward of 3-5 million viewers an episode – Farrah’s life and career took a standard trajectory – She tried to pitch her own spin-off reality series to follow her journey after culinary school as an aspiring chef, but the show never really made it to production. Farrah also launched her own brand of pasta sauce called Mom & Me Premium Italian Hot Pepper Sauce, wrote a book My Teenage Dream Ended and released several music singles. etc. But I guess it still wasn’t enough. Still missing from her life was that special someone, a partner who could keep up with the successful single parent media machine that was Farrah. So what’s a girl to do? Go on JDate of course, where one can find successful single men of the mosaic persuasion known to take good care of their women. Her JDate profile read:

On JDate, however, the lowest monthly cost you can get is $29.99 ( if you subscribe for six full months with a single payment of $179.94). There is also an in-between, three-month subscription plan that comes at $44.99/month and is billed in a single payment of $134.97. Users can pay over mobile phones, PayPal, and of course, a credit card. Click/tap Yes to confirm. To unblock a member: Click/tap on your small Profile Photo at the top of the page, or the horizontal menu lines ( ☰) if using the app. Select Account Settings, and then Block List. Click/tap on the Display Name for the desired member. Click/tap Yes to confirm. If you’ve received inappropriate. Founded in 1997, Jdate is part of Spark Networks. According to the developers, it was the first dating site for single and unmarried Jews. Using it, people create families and seek serious relationships. This app has been the undisputed leader in the number of. JDate is available for smartphones thanks to a downloadable app that effectively scales down the interface for touchscreen, while also preserving all important features. Signing up with JDate is entirely cost-free, but in order to send messages a monthly, quarterly or semi-annual subscription to gold membership is a must.

I’m looking for a man to be my partner in crime, who is successful like me, and has style. If you can give a woman everything she deserves and you want the same in exchange, message me. You won’t regret it. I’m looking for a man that is top of the line; I guess I’m picky. I want a man who is happy, supportive, works hard, is successful, can stay in but can also go out, is active, outgoing, easygoing, likes children and dogs, can be serious, but knows when to have fun and is a romantic.

This was reported in September of 2011. By early December of that year, Farrah had snagged herself a handsome and well to do Jewish man 14 years her senior – 34 year old Marcel Kaminstein, a jewelry entrepreneur. Things were looking good, initial reports were rosy and Kaminstein was getting along well with Farrah’s daughter. So now we know the secret to success on JDate! Be an ambitious 20 year old hot single Mom willing to date an older man! Lack of Jewishness not a problem, fatties needn’t apply.

Sadly by New years, 2012 the relationship had gone south and Kaminstein and Abraham had called it quits – amicably. Now what!? There were a couple of options on the table – but none had the potential for fame that she enjoyed during Teen Mom. Until Farrah met another Jewish man, one James Deen, an adult video entertainer who had starred in over 1,300 porn flicks. Did she meet the HEEB 100 member on JDate? We don’t know. Did they really date or was he merely a hired gun for Farrah’s next publicity stunt? Well, that relationship did not last long either amid allegations that Deen mistreated Farrah and had a small wiener. Yes that relationship ended acrimoniously but not before Deen and Farrah filmed a sex tape. Farrah claimed she shot the professionally produced tape as a keepsake – like a wedding video – for her own use: “I wanted my own personal video made and photos taken for myself, when I am older I will have my best year to look back on. I’m happy to see my 21st year be done. I’ve learned a lot.”

Then Farrah claimed that the tape had been leaked and that she had no choice but to start shopping it around. She finally made a deal with adult film juggernaut Vivid Videos. The movie, “Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom,” will be released in mid May and Farrah got nearly $1 million for the rights. Just to be clear, the “backdoor” reference does not refer to an actual door. And also the whole lost sex tape thing was a ruse. Deen’s mistreatment was merely him spilling the beans on the whole “story” because he claimed he cannot lie. The plan was always to release the sex tape as a play for further fame and fortune à la Kim Kardashian. Shocker. The sex tape can now be viewed all over the internet, just like the Kardashian tape.

And what have we learned from all of this boys and girls? If you can’t find ultimate happiness on JDate, like so many others before you, uhm, you can always release a sex tape. Also everything about this post is total and complete trash. I’m sorry. But that’s just life in the big city. Best of luck to Farrah and her daughter. As for James Deen, he is costarring with Lindsay Lohan in the upcoming film “The Canyons” directed by Paul Schrader and written by Brett Easton-Ellis.

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gaeidthesnake-blog · 6 years

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I’mma do this. This is me as a character, not me as a DID system member.

Character Chart Character’s full name: ga’Eid Kemerre Reason or meaning of name: It’s a name I... kinda improvised, actually. After I found myself suddenly in the outskirts of a city with no knowledge of who or where I was, I kinda lurked around a bit. I realized some people seemed to not be from around there, so after encountering enough of them, I made up a name that sounded kinda like it might have been from wherever they were from. Character’s nickname: “The Snake” Reason for nickname: Because I sneak around in the shadows and use poison. Birth date: So... turns out I was created, not born. Not sure what day that was, either. It was a long time ago. Physical appearance Age: Almost 300 (Spoiler - actually almost 800, but at the beginning of the story, I don’t know that) How old does he/she appear: Mid 20′s Weight: A little over 80 lbs Height: 4′4″ Body build: Lean and slender Shape of face: Uh... rat face-shaped? Eye color: Amber Glasses or contacts: I got an eyepatch. Does that count? Skin tone: Kinda ashen,with either tan fur or green scales over it Distinguishing marks: I’m missing my left eye and right arm. Predominant features: My mane? Hair color: Olive Type of hair: Stiff and starchy Hairstyle: Wild, with a lot of it sticking up and leaning back, and some extra length in the rear Voice: Really scratchy. If you’ve played Fallout 4... I basically sound like Hancock. Overall attractiveness: Conventionally unattractive. Physical disabilities: See “distinguishing marks” Usual fashion of dress: I dress like a hobo. Favorite outfit: Pants, sash, bandoliers, and a cloak Jewelry or accessories: I usually have a band around a lock of my mane, on the right side. Personality Good personality traits: I guess... I care about others? I want to do the right thing? Bad personality traits: Hoo boy... I’m an emotional wreck living with depression and sometimes paranoia. I’m overwhelmed with pain, I wanna die, but I don’t wanna leave the world without *someone* filling my role, so... well, let’s just say, I’m not the best father. I’m also obsessed over the fact that I was artificially created and worried about the existential questions that brings up about who I really am and whether or not there’s a real “me” or if I’m just an extension of someone else’s will. Mood character is most often in: Anxious Sense of humor: Sarcastic and often self-deprecating Character’s greatest joy in life: Iunno... I feel like I’d actually have something I enjoyed, if I ever got a chance to just relax and enjoy the simple things in life. Character’s greatest fear: Something bad happening to people I care about when I’m not around to stop it. That, or finding out none of my thoughts are really my own because I don’t really exist as an individual. Why? Because a lot of my friends died in situations like that, and because *someone* created me, and did so for a reason. What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? My life’s already *in* turmoil! Character is most at ease when: Never. Most ill at ease when: There’s a lull in activity, and nothing to distract me, and I can hear the voices of my dead friends from long ago, and see their dead faces, asking me why I let them die... Enraged when: Someone withholds something needed from someone I care about Depressed or sad when: Always Priorities: Raise my adopted son to be good at what I do so he can replace me and I can die; help people while I’m still alive Life philosophy: If granted one wish, it would be: To start over fresh, on my own terms Why? Character’s soft spot: The vulnerable Is this soft spot obvious to others? ... Yeah, sometimes. Greatest strength: Stealth, agility, poison use and resistance Greatest vulnerability or weakness: I’m not really that physicall strong or durable Biggest regret: Letting my friends die... Minor regret: Being an emotionally neglectful dad to my adopted son. Biggest accomplishment: Being the top spy of the Milandrian Revolution Minor accomplishment: Hiding my real age and origin Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about:I wouldn’t be embarrassed about anything in my past... Just deeply ashamed... Why? See above? Character’s darkest secret: I got lotsa secrets. I guess “dark” depends on your perspective. Does anyone else know? I think Ro might - and I’d like to find her, to learn how and why. Goals Drives and motivations: Individuality, freedom, protection of others Immediate goals: Help protect Ufera from these devils that just showed up Long term goals: Find the truth about my origins, make sure the world’s safe, end my life with as few regrets as possible How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Find Ro, defeat the devils, make sure the world’s not gonna get wrecked without me How other characters will be affected: People in general’d be safer and... well... I hope Madün turns out okay... Past Hometown: No hometown, but I spent a lot of time in the Erresse forest after settling down there with a group of fleeing rebels. Type of childhood: No childhood Pets: None First memory: Showing up in the outskirts of a city that no longer exists Most important childhood memory: None Why: Never had a childhood Childhood hero: None Dream job: Spy for life, yo. Either that, or adventurer or investigator. Education: Self-taught Religion: None Finances: We didn’t use money that much back then. We either bartered or offered services. Present Current location: Libar, slums Currently living with: A gang of street vigilantes and the downtrodden Pets: None Religion: None Occupation: Rogue Finances: I can get money when I need it, but I tend not to need it that much, since I prefer the humble life. Family Mother: None Relationship with her: None Father: I suspect I was created by Ro’s mysterious “boss.” Relationship with him: I want to find him and get answers. Siblings: I suspect Ro was also created, just like me, so... her? Maybe? Relationship with them: I want to find her and get answers. Spouse: No spouse... I was in love, once... Relationship with him/her: He’s dead now. Children: I have an adopted son named Madün. Relationship with them: Well... not the best... and it’s kinda my fault. Other important family members: None Favorites Color: Forest green Least favorite color: Iunno? Music: Anything that sounds haunting, with nice string usage. Food: Bugs. Literature: Documents? Form of entertainment: Hanging out at the tavern Expressions: “Eh.” “Meh.” Mode of transportation: Walking, running, jumping, flipping, tumbling, crawling, sneaking... Most prized possession: None. Habits Hobbies: Info-gathering Plays a musical instrument? Nope. Plays a sport? Nope. How he/she would spend a rainy day: Looking for worms Spending habits: Frugal Smokes: Nope. Drinks: A lot - but I don’t get drunk. I’m naturally poison-resistant, and I’ve developed that resistance even further to be practically immune. Other drugs: I was on hallucinogenic toads for a long time. I don’t do that now, though. What does he/she do too much of? ... Iunno? Regretting things? What does he/she do too little of? Relaxing. Not like I can, though. Extremely skilled at: Spying. Extremely unskilled at: Resolving inner conflicts? Nervous tics: Sometimes, my ears and nose twitch in weird ways. Usual body posture: Leaning forward, kinda crouching Mannerisms: I just talk really informally. Peculiarities: ... I like eating bugs? I don’t even try to hide it. Honestly, I’m not sure what the fuss is. They’re nutritious, they taste good... Why’s everyone so afraid? Traits Optimist or pessimist? Pessimist. Introvert or extrovert? Introvert. Daredevil or cautious? A mix of both. I have a dangerous job, what can I say? Logical or emotional? Logical when I’m on the job, emotional when I’m not. Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Messy, but not necessarily disorderly. Methodical, but *definitely* not neat. Prefers working or relaxing? I never relax. I prolly need to, but the moment I do, something bad’s bound to happen, I just know it... Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Unsure. Animal lover? Eh... Iunno. I wouldn’t go outta my way to hurt them, but I also don’t really care for them too much. Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: Total shit. One word the character would use to describe self: Wreck. One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: “I’m a weird emotional wreck living with depression and sometimes paranoia. I’m overwhelmed with pain, I wanna die, but I don’t wanna leave the world without *someone* filling my role, so of course I ended up adopting a kid and trying to force him into being a spy like a fucking father-of-the-year. I also got other personal problems to deal with. You prolly heard a lot of stuff about me, about how I’m a *big fuckin’ hero* or *intriguing mystery man* or some shit, and you were prolly expecting someone a lot better than, well, *this*, so... sorry ‘bout that, but I ain’t who you think I am.” What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Iunno? What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? The tendency to leave my friends behind when they need me. What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? My slender physique? What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? The teeth. They’re actually pretty average for a dendago, but... not a lot of non-dendago find them attractive. How does the character think others perceive him/her: Better than they should, and with too many grandiose preconceptions. What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: My entire life. Relationships with others Opinion of other people in general: They need protecting. Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Hell yes. Person character most hates: Myself. Best friend(s): I guess... Gavion? Iunno, I’m not really close to anyone. Love interest(s): Listen, I got a lot of FWB’s, but nothing more than that. I’m not really one to fall in love. Can’t really commit to that with everything else going on. Person character goes to for advice: Maybe Gavion, but rarely. Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: I feel responsible for EVERYONE... Person character feels shy or awkward around: No one specific, but... anyone who reminds me of Albren. Person character openly admires: No one. Person character secretly admires: Everyone but me. Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Madün... kinda. After story starts: Madün. [Just a reminder: All of this is for me as a character, not me as an introject. Some of it still applies, but a lot of it’s old info that doesn’t really apply to me now that I’m here.]

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

Note

What do you think is the likelihood that Richard II of England was queer?

Short answer: Possibly yes, but most likely asexual if anything.

Longer answer: Have some Thoughts on the ways in which we construct historical “queerness” and standards of proof (this also serves excellently as a post for Queer History Friday thank you very much) and emotional relationships vis a vis sexual ones, especially in the limited medium of medieval chronicles.

To start, Richard was only 10 years old when he became king (his father was the Black Prince, who died in 1376, and his grandfather was Edward III, who died in 1377) and he died when he was only 33 ( b.1367-d.1400), so he was quite young during all of this time. Even during the 1387-88 crisis with the Lords Appellant, which set the stage for the troubles that basically ended his reign, he was only 20 years old, so it’s pretty understandable that a young man would turn to wise older courtiers for experience and advice. This was especially the case because Richard had three powerful and full-grown uncles, led by John of Gaunt (whose son, Henry Bolingbroke, would later depose Richard and become Henry IV). They were definitely viewed as a possible threat to the throne (as was usually the case with primogeniture, when an underage son of an eldest brother got the heirs and honours and the other brothers missed out) and a regency council was quickly established in hopes of giving Richard a power base away from them. But the English people deeply mistrusted these councils/councillors, and that discontent led to the Peasants’ Revolt of 1381, the first major crisis of Richard’s reign (he was only 14). In the aftermath of that, there was continued shuffling around as to who had the effective reins of government and who had influence and so forth. So there was plenty of environment for an ambitious man to get close to the young king and influence/try to win his patronage and trust.

Richard was definitely known to have had male favorites, particularly Robert de Vere, the Earl of Oxford, and Michael de la Pole, his chancellor. The only actual imputation of his possible homosexuality with de Vere comes from the Chronica Maiora of Thomas Walsingham:

According to rumour, his [Richard]’s closeness to Lord Robert and his deep love and affection for him was not without some taint of an obscene relationship, and Lord Robert’s fellow nobles and barons spoke in whispers of their indignation that so mediocre a man should aim at so high an office, seeing that he had no nobility of birth or endowment of other virtues that might rank him above the others.

While Walsingham’s work is one of the major and indeed only sources we have for some events in mid-to-late 14th century England, he definitely had a few axes to grind (against John of Gaunt, Henry IV, and others, as well as to some degree Richard himself) and furthermore, all this proves is that jealous rivals of de Vere’s had no trouble suggesting that he and Richard must be having a sordid affair. This is very understandable given that Richard’s great-grandfather, Edward II, had also had male favorites (Piers Gaveston and Hugh Despenser the Younger) who he had extensively relied upon and given honors seemingly above their station (and as I have discussed in some other posts, 14th-century England was ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED with class/station. It was the be-all and end-all of their lives, including dictating how they were allowed to behave and what clothes they were allowed to wear; the heretical/religious reformer group, the Lollards, and their leader, John Wycliffe, mocked this with their famous couplet “When Adam delved and Eve span/Who then was the gentleman?”) Furthermore, Edward II was absolutely having affairs with Gaveston and then Despenser, and he had been forced to abdicate (as indeed Richard II was later deposed) and this memory was definitely the first thing that would come to mind for the question of whether a 14th-century English king was once more too dependent on and attached to male favorites.

Jean Froissart, a French chronicler, describes Michael de la Pole in his Tales as a sort of Iago/Wormtongue figure giving Richard bad advice, but doesn’t seem to think there was anything scandalous about their relationship per se:

But in one night, Michael de la Pole, earl of Suffolk who at that time was the heart and sole council of the king, and in whom he placed his whole confidence, undid the whole business. I know not what his intentions were for so doing; but I heard afterwards, he should say to the king, “At, ah, my lord, what are you thinking of? You intend then to follow the plan your uncles have devised. Know, that if you do so; you will never return, for the duke of Lancaster wishes for nothing more earnestly than your death, that he may be king. How could he dare advise your entering such a country in the winter? […] Take care of your own person, you are young and promising; and there are those who profess much, but who little love you.“ (ch. 173).

As noted, Froissart was French, therefore not intimately familiar with the inner workings of the English court, and the takeaway here seems to be that de la Pole, supposedly warning Richard against the treachery of his powerful uncles, steers him into a military disaster instead. He describes de la Pole as “the heart and sole council of the king” but again, doesn’t feel the need to intimate anything else. (Which, although the French got along fairly well with Richard II after the endless wars of Edward III, Froissart would probably do if that was there for the bad habits of an English king to be remarked upon.) Furthermore, both de Vere and de la Pole were definitely into women: de Vere caused a scandal by divorcing his wife, Richard’s cousin, and marrying one of the queen’s bedchamber attendants instead (so yes, powerful people have always had affairs with the nanny, apparently) and de la Pole had eight children with his wife. As we like to remind folks around these parts, Bisexuality Exists, so obviously, both of them having affairs/fruitful marriages with women would not necessarily preclude some kind of strategic sexual liasion with Richard, especially if questions of power or career advancement were involved. But given that the only source on this is the hostile hearsay passed along by Walsingham, aka that de Vere’s enemies were happy to accuse him of deviant sexual behavior with the king in the model of Edward II’s scandals, I am less inclined to think so.

Furthermore, Richard’s relationships with both of his wives were emotionally close and loving. His first wife, Anne of Bohemia, married him in 1382, when they were both about 15. They quickly became devoted to each other and she was known for her influence on him. What is now known as the Crown of Princess Blanche may have been made for her, and she appears alongside Richard in the Liber Regalis, a book possibly made for her coronation service and which still mostly functions as the order of service for major royal ceremonies. Anne’s death in 1394, probably from plague, absolutely devastated Richard, to the point he ordered the manor where she had died torn down. The Historia Vitae et Regni Ricardi II notes this and memorialises her warmly:

Hoc anno, die 7 mensis Junii, die viz. festo Pentecostes, apud Shen Anna, Regina Angliae, diem suum clausit extremum. Propter quod Rex, ejus mortem dolendo, illud nobile regiumque Manorium solo prosterni fecit. […] Sepulta est cum maxima solennitate in Ecclesia Westmonasterio, in die Sanctae Annae sequente, cujus festum ut Ecclesia Anglicana solennius celebraretur ista Regina et Domino Papa impetravit. (p.126)

I can’t be arsed to do a full word-for-word translation, but the sense of the passage is that Anne died on the 7th of June, near Pentecost, and that Richard in his grief ordered the manor where she died to be destroyed. She was buried at Westminster with full solemnity and feasts and commemoration from the English church, and from the Pope. The chronicler goes on to praise her kindness and her piety, as Anne came from Bohemia and was not popular at first because Foreign, but had won over the people with her charity and mercy. We see this also in Richard Maidstone’s Concordia, a verse epic detailing Richard II’s reconciliation with the citizens of London in 1392, in which Anne’s intervention was pivotal. Multiple passages are devoted to praising Anne’s beauty, her love for Richard and vice versa, and her moderating effect on him:

The queen is able to deflect the king’s firm rule, So he will show a gentle face to his own folk.A woman soothes a man by love: God gave him her. O gentle Anne, let your sweet love be aimed at this!(line 227-230)

A queen can, for her people, speak the words that please - None but a woman can do what no man would dare.When fearful Hesther stood before King Assuer’s throne, She brought to naught the edicts that the king hadpassed.For this, no doubt, almighty God gave you to be A partner in this reign, a Hesther for the realm.(439-444)

At his command she stands. “What, Anna, do you seek?” He asks. “Just speak, and your desires will bemet.”“Sweet king of mine,” she said, “my man, my strength, my life! Sweet love, without whom life to me would be likedeath! (465-468)

Therefore, Richard and Anne’s devotion to each other can barely be questioned, but nonetheless, they had no children. (They are now buried jointly in Westminster, and Richard had ordered their effigies to be carved holding hands.) Jeffrey Hamilton suggests (p.190) that the marriage may not have been consummated (though I’m not sure on what evidential grounds, and unfortunately a page is missing in the e-version so I can’t get his full argument). (See my followup discussion of the deep unlikeliness of a fully chaste marriage here.) Furthermore, when Richard did remarry in 1396, it was to the seven-year-old daughter of Charles VI of France, Isabella of Valois, in an attempt to make a peace treaty. The youth of the bride was brought up as a potential stumbling block in negotiations, but Richard essentially replied that he was fine waiting (he himself was still only 29) and that wasn’t a problem. He then proceeded to befriend the seven-year-old girl, visit her often at Windsor, make funny conversation with her, and otherwise be genuinely decent to a young girl in a foreign country, and he’s not recorded as having any mistresses or illegitimate children that we know of. So even if he was married to a young girl, he a) treated her respectfully and kindly and like a friend, and b) apparently didn’t have the need to go elsewhere for sex. For her part, Isabella adored Richard, so much that she flatly refused a remarriage, after being widowed at the age of 10, to Henry V, son of Richard’s usurper Henry IV. It’s fair to say that she probably wouldn’t have if he mistreated her.

So as ever, this has gotten long, but yes. This is why I am inclined to suggest that if anything, Richard II was probably ace. He had close and loving emotional relationships with both men and women (and as I’ve also discussed a bit, emotional/romantic male friendship was a thing in the medieval era, especially as related to knights and chivalry, in a way that would be considered homoerotic today). However, his political difficulties and probable personality disorder ended up getting him deposed, and he didn’t have any children even though he and Anne loved each other very much and were married for 12 years. He was also fine marrying a young girl for political reasons, but was not very interested in/fine with waiting for any possible sex, and instead actually treated said child well and kindly. The accusations (and as ever, it is “accusations”) of homosexuality come from hearsay hostile sources, and Walsingham is, as far as I know, the only chronicler to suggest it (in comparison to the numerous pieces of chronicle evidence in many different places that discuss the queerness of Richard I). Which as I said above, makes sense given that Edward II had been brought down by reliance on (sexual) male favorites, and it was an easily available paradigm to critique the resented influence of Richard II’s male favorites.

In terms of “Probably Asexual/Ace-spec Historical Figures,” moreover, there is almost no way to prove it, since the underlying assumption (as @extasiswings and I were chatting about) is that all people must be having sex with someone, and the “default” for this sexual expression is het/straight sex. Richard II was by all appearances biromantic, and emotionally close to members of both genders, but it is less clear if that translates to sexual relations with either.

#history #medieval history #queer history #queer history friday #richard ii #whysogrimm #ask

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talhaghafoor2019-blog · 5 years

Text

GOOD MUSIC IS GOOD MUSIC

ROCKER GONE SOFT?

I mean, LA Opera’s “Hansel & Gretel” for pete’s sake, the children’s tale, now a holiday staple? And all that other classical stuff?

Well, “H&G“ rocks, baby. The first opera based entirely on a fairy tale, German composer Engelbert Humperdinck picked a Grimm one, and the brothers were indeed grim, I learned at the pre-concert lecture from LA Opera conductor James Conlon. Two of nine Grimm children (three died in childhood), they knew quite well the pain of hunger, and that is an important opening and backdrop to this story. And at the LA Opera community outreach lecture that afternoon at our main library here, I learned and saw how different the H&G interpretations can be.

You can have a really ugly witch (like in the film we saw), or one like this production’s Susan Graham who brought great comedic skills with her superb voice. (All the singers were outstanding, especially H & G and their father, there are only five, plus two minor parts).

The sets and the forest characters were magical, and I was completely entertained, in an adult way. You shouldn’t miss this one. See below.

Also at our main library last week, I caught another performance of their outstanding, always provocative and high quality Soundwaves concert series, which, as usual, was a shorter preview of a later performance at Disney Hall’s Zipper Hall, next Tuesday (not free). Outstanding pianist Gloria Cheng presented “Garlands for Steven Stucky,” the LA Phil’s composer in residence for decades who was greatly skilled and loved as a mentor.

And Sunday morning I was treated to a marvelous Ted talk-like program upstairs at the Laemmle Theatre downtown, mixing data mining with music interpretation by a marvelous string quartet, in a most intriguing way. What a great town.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:

LA OPERA: Hansel & Gretel (Engelbert Humperdinck ain’t no Puccini, Verdi or Strauss but H&G is considered his greatest work and Strauss dug him so much he conducted the premier, a smashing success, and he also ain’t the schmaltzy crooner who stole his name in the ‘60s, but don’t get too distracted from the superb Wagnerian score by the 12-foot magical characters on stage, the fantastical sets and special effects of this production and it’s also got laughs, see above), Sun 2 p.m., Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, downtown LA, $16-$294.

RECOMMENDED:

TONIGHT! – LA PHILHARMONIC: Stanley Kubrick’s Sound Odyssey (Kubrick loved him some classical music scores for his films, Beethoven to Bartok, Ligeti to Penderecki, can’t imagine “2001” or “A Clockwork Orange” without those signatures, you will see a string of clips from his great ones, hosted by none other than “Clockwork’s” Alex, Malcolm McDowell, and hear the music live and fabulous from the LA Phil, seems like a good night’s entertainment), Thurs, Fri 8 p.m., Sun 2 p.m., Walt Disney Concert Hall, downtown LA, $20-$204.

TONIGHT! – PATTI LABELLE (would I send you all the way out to Temecula, yes I would to see the great Patti Labelle, sometimes not included in the pantheon of the greatest soul voices ever but she most definitely is, put her on your bucket list, you may not have seen her blow minds in the ‘70s on tour with her outrageous trio LaBelle, I did, straight from the New York Continental baths scene, glammed up in what I dubbed the Crustaceans from Outer Space silver outfits, it’s when I learned there were gay people in Albuquerque, what a party that was, you may not have seen her take the stage in LA as the Tina Turner “replacement” Acid Queen in the one-off all-star “Tommy,” I did, no one missed Tina I’ll tell ya, but you can always see my other sweetest performance by her, you know how people say so-and-so could sing the phone book, or the alphabet and it would be fabulous, well she did sing the ABCs song gospel-style on Sesame Street 2/19/99, 11+M views, and you should watch, I did, I do, pretty often, good for the soul, but call Pechanga if you really want to go because it may be sold out but it is her only show in the area, so, bucket list), 7 p.m., Pechanga Resort & Casino, Temecula, $69 up.

JACK SHELDON (great trumpeter-singer-actor who was part of the ‘50s West Coast jazz scene and has been performing ever since in so many fields, this is his birthday party for himself, turning 87, famous voices singing in “Schoolhouse Rock” including “I’m Just a Bill” and the guy who explained the electoral college — I think he needs a re-do now explaining how we can get rid of it — and if you see him live you will not only catch a legend with the best sidemen but you will wonder if he missed his calling at stand-up, he is sooo bawdy funny), Fri, Sat 8:30 p.m., Catalina Bar & Grill, Hollywood, $25-$30.

I SEE HAWKS IN LA, MEAT PUPPETS (two great bands with very different styles and right, another long journey for great music I’m sending you on, the Hawks do play locally somewhat regularly but not Phoenix’s legendary Meat Puppets so maybe you’re coming back from Thanksgiving anyway past Joshua Tree, do yourself a favor and dew drop inn), Sat 9 p.m., Pappy & Harriet’s Pioneertown Palace, Joshua Tree, $25.

GLORIA CHENG, “Garlands for Steven Stucky” (see above), Tues 8 p.m., the Colburn School of Music, Zipper Concert Hall.

THE SKATALITES (they’re still around? didn’t they invent ska in the mid-’60s? maybe, named it anyway, were really active only 1964-’65 but so influential, worked with all the best Jamaican producers and players, the 10 founders were a who’s who of JA music, Jackie Mitoo, Don Drummond, Tommy McCook, Rolando Alphonso et al, started playing together in ‘55, all gone now save Lester Sterling and Doreen Shaffer, reformed and touring the last 35 years so I believe you will get the real deal), Wed 9 p.m., the Echoplex, Echo Park, $20.

HOUSE OF VIBE ALL STARS (ordinarily I never recommend something I haven’t seen but the boys at Harvelle’s, with the perfect resume for taking over this nearly 90-year-old blues club in downtown Santa Monica from longtime mogul Seven, keep telling me this is a great show I must see so I am recommending it based on great sources and promise to go so I can give a personal assessment, meanwhile if you go and you hate it I will personally give you your 5 bucks back), Wed 9 p.m., Harvelle’s, Santa Monica, $5.

ELVIS COSTELLO (Elvis Costello!), next Thurs, 7 p.m., the Wiltern, Mid-Wilshire, $125-$240 (too much! but it’s your money).

A LYRIC SO GOOD I WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF IT: “I’d rather go blind, boy, than to see you walk away from me.”

— (Etta James, Ellington Jordan, Billy Foster 1967)

Sung with such palpable, heart-wrenching emotion by the late great Etta James, it became an instant blues classic, covered by Beyonce (playing her in “Cadillac Ranch”), Clarence Carter (blind from birth), Koko Taylor, Little Milton, B.B. King and currently on the airwaves — remember airwaves? — a very credible version by Grace Potter.

But what an image. For a sighted person, is there a much bleaker future than to suddenly go blind? Think of it. I think about it, probably you have too, at least once. Your whole world would change. A pitch black world filled achingly with color memories, fading each day a little more. What worse could happen? And yet, the love-struck singer tells us, I’d choose it, rather than have eyes to witness the unbearable sight of you walking away from me. Has that ever been portrayed more powerfully, 13 words, in written word anywhere?

Charles Andrews has listened to a lot of music of all kinds, including more than 2,000 live shows. He has lived in Santa Monica for 32 years and wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world. Really. Send love and/or rebuke to him at [email protected]

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itsandiesanchez-blog · 7 years

Text

Born 1976. Not Generation X.

I am 41, middle aged and getting older by the nanosecond. I’m not 21 anymore and I’m ok with that. I would be lying if I said I’d rather have wrinkles than none at all, but generally speaking, I’m alright with the advancing years and how they’ve treated me.

I am a lot of things, just.......not Generation X.

Well, let me clarify first:

Generation X was initially classified as a generation beginning in 1965 and ending in 1984 by Douglas Copeland, the so-called 13th American generation, following the Baby Boomer cohort. As it stands in that form, completely arbitrary, chronological and unyielding, I am indeed a member of Generation X. It says nothing about me other than the fact that my birth year falls into that particular segment of a series of equal, unemotional generational divides.

It was, however, a surprise to me, to find out I was indeed considered Generation X. My whole teenaged and young adult life was lived fully believing myself to be a member of Generation Y, born somewhere between 1975 and 1990. Sometime during school in the 90s, a teacher addressed us with that label, and it stuck with me ever since. By the time I was 20, I knew that Generation X was Winona Ryder and all the 80s teens that came before us and that we, the heirs to the 90s and its technological advances, were something different. It made sense to me. The older kids weren’t like us. The 80s weren’t like us. We could sense the divide and the dawn of a new era. It was upon us.

And then..... one day someone started talking about Millennials. At first I mistook it for a new generation, born after 1990, the next in line, the one that came after Generation Y. Imagine my shock to find that not only was the Millennial generation referring to people practically the same age as I was, people I worked with and hung out with, but that I was also no longer a part of their gang. Suddenly I was Generation X. Not just stalwart 1965-1984 Generation X (which I would have accepted), no - 1965-1981 Generation X, chopped off three years before the actual 20 year divide, AS IF IT MEANT SOMETHING.

What did it allegedly mean? I couldn’t find an answer to that, except descriptions and identifiers - stereotypes - that might stick to someone born in 1970, but certainly not on me. Suddenly I was “cynical”, my idols were from the 80s, and all of my formative experiences and influences belonged to someone 10 years older than me. WTF?? 1975-1981 found itself suddenly amputated from the rest of its generation. For no logical reason.

But it gets worse.

Those of us belonging to the island of Gen Y floating in Gen X started talking about it. We noticed the discrepancies in cut off years. We saw that depending on who you talked to, we were either Millennials or Gen X. The verdict wasn’t in, regardless of what Howe and Strauss said. Oregon Trail Generation, Generation Catalano - we saw ourselves everywhere, posting, discussing, putting up a fight.

Enter Xennials.

Yes, I thought. Finally.

And then I saw the cut-off years.

1977-1983

FUUUUUUUUCK NO.

As a 1976er, there is no difference, absolutely none, between me and anyone born during the 1977 to 1983 time frame. In fact, I share more with ANYONE born between 1975 and 1990 than I do with a single person born in the 60s or early 70s. We can argue about years like 1974 or 1973, but trust me, in all my 41 ancient years here on the planet, living in four different countries, I have not ONCE met someone born in 1965 or 1970 that shares my childhood and youth experiences. Let this be known once and for fucking all, because I am sick and tired of explaining it.

Why?

1. 80s pop culture and music.

Duh. I don’t really remember the 80s, aside from toys, the first video games and cartoon t-shirts. The 80s were vastly different on a pop culture level from the 90s and I was on the bench in the haze of childhood. Gen Xers had AIDS, world hunger and music and films that I only watched and listened to retrospectively out of curiosity much later on. Anyone who wasn’t a youth during the 80s (at least 15–24) would not have been fully part of that culture.

2. The Cold War:

When the Berlin Wall fell, I was obsessed with the Little Mermaid. Does my voice sound like Ariel’s? How do you like my Ariel drawing? I couldn’t give two darns about politics in 1989 and really don’t remember the feeling of the environment that preceded it. I came of age during the age of Middle Eastern wars, starting with Iraq, continuing with Iraq and leading up to 9/11. I wasn’t old enough to vote for Reagan or Bush — I am Clinton era all the way. Again, if you weren’t at least 15 before the Cold War started crumbling, you probably don’t have much to say about it.

3. Technology: Now, I am not saying Gen Xers are not tech savvy, but give me a handful of people born in the 60s or early 70s and you’ll find quite a few people who pride themselves in the fact that THEY survived a good chunk of adulthood without the internet, that THEY can live without their phones. You know the memes. I was a teenager when I first got internet and I don’t know what real life is like without it unless you’re talking about My Little Pony and She-Ra. Smart phones were second nature to me and yes, I have my face glued to my phone whenever I am not asleep. I came of age during the whole 90s tech boom and it helped make me who I am.

4. The whole latchkey running wild thing: Technically, the latchkey era didn’t end until the mid-90s and by the time I was a kid, only irresponsible parents let their kids run around like free range chickens. We were the post-Adam Walsh, milk carton era and parents were worried. Contrary to popular belief, kids STILL play outside and of course, so did we, but we did not “run out of the house in the morning and come back when the streelights came on”. Oh no. My parents wanted to see me in the yard at all times and actually gave me a physical boundary that I was not allowed to pass (our yard ditch). Friends had to be approved and parents had to be contacted for any kind of visit or playdate. New children and families had to pass the parental supervision test — I was not allowed to roam free with kids whose parents were not home or just randomly pop by someone’s house unannounced. The shift was already there in the 80s — the freedom 60s and 70s kids had was gone. Oh yes, you’ll find a few of these kids (born anywhere in the late 70s and 80s) from divorced homes engaging in the same romantic nostalgia right alongside the Xers and Boomers, but seriously, the times were gone. Although I never read it myself at the time, my parents had IT, thank you very much. They had Wayne Williams, Clifford Olsen, Randy Kraft and John Wayne Gacy. My life at 10 was no 60s Disney live action film. And yes, we loved to stay inside and play video games. Atari, Nintendo, Sega…… those were the days.

5. The pessimism/anti-Baby Boomer thing: What???? I mean seriously, whaaat??? I can’t even write about that because I don’t understand it. Hippy was not a slur to me, in fact, we were very much into that sort of thing during the later 90s. I am not a pessimist, or a cynic or a slacker and I didn’t hate my parents or thought disappointing them was “cool”. I am STILL worried what they think and I’m over 40. I know that’s just me, but again, this particular Gen X attitude was one we always associated with either dysfunctional kids or… older kids. Yep. Older kids. Real Gen Xers. We were actually kind of enemies at the time. I recall “so 80s” (accompanied by a sneer) as a thing. It always seemed to me like they were still desperately trying to recapture the 50s cool during the 90s with a giant big hair, mullet fail.

6. The absurdity of the cut off lines and criteria for these so called “generations”. Who cares if I was born one year before the first Star Wars? Really? WHY? Does the fact that I was born the year Steve Jobs founded Apple count for less? Also, who cares if I can remember Nirvana? How does that negate almost complete comtemporary ignorance (and indulgance) of major 80s bands? I mean, let’s face it: the only reason I know what Depeche Mode is, is because of songs they produced in the 90s…….but then again, wait, maybe it wasn’t Depeche Mode…..Dire Straights perhaps….. or Duran Duran? I have to Google every time. Please don’t hold it against me. At the time in question, I was too busy pretending to be Jem and the Holograms. And grunge…..the one Gen X thing that actually occurred during at least a brief moment of my formative youth, well — Kurt Cobain was dead by the time I started going to concerts. While admittedly being a real common denominator between me and Gen X, grunge was just a fledgling spark at the dawn of budding musical tastes. Bluntly speaking, I am more Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, Weezer, Blink182 and Linkin Park. It’s hardly enough to completely reclassify me and ignore the rest.

None of these cut offs are a strong argument, folks. You might as well say that “you are an Xennial” if you were the same age as one of the actors on That 70s show playing Eric and his friends. Which, incidentally, includes anyone born from 1983 back to……you guessed it: 1976.

Yes, some kids born anywhere during the late 70s or early 80s will have had older siblings or friends that influenced them with all things Gen X, just like I know 90s kids today that know more about Gen X culture than I do due to their Gen X parents. There’s also these pesky socio-economic aspects that play a role — I’ve met ’00s babies down here in the rural south that still don’t have a smart phone or their own computer. That aspect can be quite arbitrary.

I have real Gen X friends. I have Millennial friends. And while I won’t claim to be like anyone born in 1994, I have vastly more in common culturally with my 80s born Millennial friends than I do with my 60s, very early 70s born Gen Xer buddies. In fact, the latter group tends to freely associate with early 60s born “Baby Boomers” as if they are part of the same generation, as their “remember whens” seem to be in tune with each other. There is a generation gap between us that is every bit as tangible as the one that exists between anyone born throughout most of the 90s and I. As adults, it is enjoyable now, this funny little rift — certainly food for plenty of mutual teasing, but it is real. It exists.

The times just moved too quickly in the 90s. Politically, culturally, technologically - those of us who experienced our formative years during the 90s and early 2000s are hard to classify, I get that. But....The least anyone can do is keep us together.

So stop. I repeat: STOP cutting me off from my generation and shoving me into a group that doesn’t share my experiences. If you want to be fair, keep the clean 20 year cut off — 1965–1984 for Gen X, so that I can at least be grouped with a good decade of people I can identify with. If you’re going to start chopping things up, be a little more meaningful. Might I suggest: Gen X 1960–1974? I have yet to meet a person born in 1974 that identifies as a Millennial or “in between generations”. Not to mention the nifty fact that grunge was almost exclusively produced by this demographic, a demographic which also includes many teen idols of the 80s.

Why does it matter? Well, people do ask — are you a Millennial or Gen X. And even Xennial. I kid you not! Can you imagine how much it blows to have to classify yourself as something you are NOT, suddenly stereotyped with qualities you don’t have, lumped into a category that makes you feel like oil in water, sitting there, suffocating under a label that doesn’t belong to you, while the rest of your people are bonding safely in the 1977 and beyond zone? The isolation is real.

SO STOP.

#generationx #generation x #xennial #oregontrailgeneration #millennials #generationy #generation y #generations #generation catalano

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