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videostak · 10 months

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didnt end up watching lovers live cause i ended up watchig almost famous w/ my sister it was alright u kno like meh one of those 70s nostalgia movies that kinda annoy me. like that and dazed n confused type stuff rly annoy me. philip seymour hoffman as lester bangs was v cool tho lol. like idk felt appropriate casting. the rest of the movie was like alright not bad but u kno it bieng autobiographical makes u kinda want more but also knowing that its restrained a lot by being a safe type autobiographical movie u kno. wathcing it tho makes me think abt my life and music and where i should be or where i should go hmmm. like that record store just straight up hired me w/ no experience or anything just cause ppl here have such dogshit taste that the stuff i was selling made me seem really cultured lol. and i dont even kno if ill be able to get a job at the store downtown cause i realized that i probably didnt get it the first time cause theres like. no contemporary music i listen to. I just theres nothing i feel worht listening toooo idk stuff ill be like oh tahts cool but really think they didnt give it to me back then cause like i didnt say much abt new music and to be bleak abt the current music scene would def be a red flag for them like to be truthful lol. like that and i listed tons of freakout shit like brotzmann no wave minimalism etc lolll. thought like itd make me look real smart but realized it just made them think to not put me behind the register lol. anyways thats prooobably why i didnt get it tho honestly they couldve just already decided not to give it to me from the start since it was a interview i got from a ex friends friend so like couldve just all been a formality. another reason is i had mentioned recently getting the stones first album on cd and the interviewer wass like “u just started listening to the stones?” and i was like ya basically LOL so that also probably cost me the job lol... which is funny cause now im like a huge rolling stnes fan tbh like just rly totally understand why theyre as popilar as they are and like v much will praise the stones over stuff like led zeppelin n stuff lol wel i guuess that isnt sayying tooo much since i rly have a tolerate/hate relationship w/ music like zep and who. anyways if i do apply again im gonna try to list new artists even if its shit i dont actually listen to like honestly rn just thinking ummm harry styles,tennis,beach house,black midi, death grips, sophie, maybe some more. of the ones there i only actually have listenend to tennis black midi death grips and sophie. but gotta have a list like that just so they think i listen to contemporary stuff even tho i dont :P just like b4 i thought there were nice bands and there are nice artists like sophie for sure is up there but like kinda become disenchanted w/ so many modern groups just knowing who theyre shamelessly ripping off u kno like every modern indie artist doing a stephen malkmus type voice/delivery or sounding like a bad cocteau twins parody or like if mbv were muzak. u knooooo. but i obv cant say that cause like. the new stuff is what sells and what they have to be savvy on since its like u kno theyre selling that new. wiiiish i could be in some positiion where i could state my opinion and get paid and be honest and ppl respect me. i guess thats the point of a journalist but obv writing articles abt how much shit sucks and why u should only listen to real artists like the stooges or the nutty squirrels and stuff w/ real deep actual depth that are actually saying/doing something like the b52s or cluster isnt something that is like contemporary -_- liiike idk just need tooo make some money i guess but i think its insane when ppl acknowledge my personality and opinions so im like i should exist on that alone lol. even w/in the time that i got rejected for that job ive listened to so much more and could genuinely add more to that list even tho i get into music at a snails pace. like b4 i just put dub on the application but now ive truly heard more reggae and could just list both reggae/dub together instead of just dub. sucks tho appplying knowing they rly dont care abt music or passion and just need someone who knows whats goin on w/ t swift n harry styles T-T they should hire me cause i see visions of god when listening to einstein on the beach very loud and focusing on the flute

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sundrenched-smilez · 5 years

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I see your 'here's a lot!' and raise you: 1, 3-6, 10-13, 17-19, 21, 23, 25

1. what is your gender?

dainty + bubbly

sharp

ethereal

decadent

3. what is your gender presentation like?

being genderfluid, it’s difficult tbh, and i dont always know what my gender is at any given moment? only what feels Wrong and Uncomfy. so i just gotta trial and error until i get tired of doing that and give up, or i find smth good. this can take several minutes expressing the above feelings and aesthetics is essentially my gender pres

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit?

d+b - smth flowy, soft, traditionally more girly and femme

sharp - punk, black and spiky. metal helps, so do bracelets, and sometimes eyeliner done to a point. mb a lil slutty, but for me, not for others. tank tops, torn clothing, showing skin

ethereal - the above, but more adorned and colorful? like rly unique and confident looks. less edges, more fae

decadent - like shirts w ruffles on them, feeling like a pirate or an old century princess, loose clothes, fancy clothes, feeling a lil like royalty or thinking highly of myself. mb more animated w my actions, more dancy

5. what makes you feel validated?

ppl using my pronouns, or telling their friends “oh look at that person, theyr’e goals/theyre pretty/so hot, etc” and impressing ppl w my beauty and style that way.

ppl not knowing what genitals i have, or being confused on that front!! like i’ve told ppl im on hormones n they assumed T instead of estrogen, and that’s fun. kinda like how u like to confuse ppl

6. top five favorite parts of your body (n why you love them)?

thighs!! they’re rly good n have recently gotten thiccer bc i put on weight, and that makes me happy c:

i have a cute butt!!

boobs, bc ive always wanted them, nd i have them now, nd im big sexy

legs, esp when shaven, bc that always feels nice. so does my tummy, it’s rl soft

i love my eyes so much, they’re such a dark, deep warm brown!!! they rllllyyy pop when i wear eyeliner w them, and im always consistently happy abt them c: i also have good lips, nd suuuuper soft skin

im cheating but i also rly adore my hair, it gets rly curly sometimes, and i love that abt it

10. do you have any trans pride merch?

i dont!! i have a gay flag in my room tho c:

11. recent happy trans moment?

at work yesterday, i had mentioned customers probs find me offputting bc im tall and trans, and my friend josh who i work w, was like “use that to your advantage!! I know that sounds weird, but when i wear a flower crown, it’s easier to sell to ppl, bc im the Bubbly Gay” and i was like “hi, i dont have the genitals you think i do, please buy my fragrance” in a deadpan voice, n cracked him and my manager up

12. favorite trans headcanon?

samus aran from metroid being trans!! shes powerful and unstoppable, and i love her

13. favorite canon trans character? (alt: 2nd favorite trans headcanon?)

i rly love elliot from On A Sunbeam, but also alex fierro from the magnus chase series!!! she’s never afraid to let ppl know when her pronouns have changed (genderfluid) and she’s out and proud, and promotes “flaunting the weird” or unique, and she always wears pink n green, which is cool. like everyone was in white snow suits for camouflage, and she still had a pink/green one somehow, nd it was rly silly

17. something you wish you could tell your younger self?

brush ur teeth more, also dont worry, ppl will love ur dick and wont bash u for having one. you’ll have friends that love and want to b around u

18. what would your Ideal Fashion Look be?

i rly want that rose dress i drew on zuretta, mb i’ll try sewing one when i have money

19. (how) does your gender relate to your sexuality?

if u like me, ur gay, and also i rly want someone (partner wise) to call me their flame, bc that would b rly affirming and gay. like im an urban/modern pirate witch who strolls into town on odd full moons, bringing lavish gifts and showering my love in affection, sex, and laughteri like the concept of sex more than actual sex, but u know,,,, some gay thoughts

21. what makes you feel euphoric?

when i can express my genders the way i want to, or express/hold myself in a way that rly makes me all !!!!!! inside

like a firm and steady connection, resonating in my aesthetic like a beacon or a lightning strike; powerful, brimming with energy, and certainty.

23. claim something as trans culture.

running a joke into the ground until it's unrecognizable from what the original one was (i’m about to end this man’s whole career > me, about to fight someone “i’m about to end this man” >me answering if i’ve entered the building yet “i’m about to” > me, when i’m a muscle underneath someone’s stomach fat “i’m ab”)

editing ur friends into memes

25. what’s your favorite part of being trans?

tbh i dont rly identify as trans, just nb, bc ive always felt nonbinary; used to b rly grossed out by being called anything masculine, felt uncomfortable to take my shirt off from the age of like 6, in public spaces. called myself an individualso like im definitely not cis but i’ve always been nonbinary, so i dont feel the need to categorize myself into like “someone who isn’t as they used to be” if that makes sense.

plus idk, uncomfy term for me specifically, doesn’t feel right. same w transfeminine, like im androgynous in the first place, and if i were feminine, i dont see the need 2 arbitrarily add trans in front of it, as if to say “im artificial”obvs those terms r affirming for others, and im rly happy abt that and encourage them to use em, but for me its just like. mmm. thats how it feels, a lil nasty nd not me. wrong, ig? feelings. its 1 am almost so im in a slightly off mindset, but also fine bc i just took like a big nap from 3:30ish to 8no gender roles, im free of constriction and can dress however tf i want bc fuck fashion trends? its just money in the pocket of a corporation. now i do like fashion, but only in that i love to see how ppl express themselves, not so much following trends and rules abt it. it’s better to b unique and have ur own style, what makes u u, what makes u comfy and happily expressed

#abt me #cassette tapes #asks

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