#oh hey another lizard woman! you're perfect!
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Merlin one shot, bit of humour can be found here
"No boat huh?" Matthew muttered, scratching his head in slight confusion
It was one thousand years later, and what would have been water was now fields, yet the Isle of the Blessed still sat on a hill in all its glory- the same hill that Talia and Matt stood facing.
"No boat. That’s global warming for you," Talia shrugged easily as she placed down her longbow, making Matthew roll his eyes
"So, what are we doing here?" Matthew asked as he sat on the hill looking down to the isle.
"Remember the last time we were here?" She asked, joining him sitting on the hill, their knees touching as they leaned back.
"Screaming vale, Doracha, cranky old woman, scarification of a soul to close the vail, Lancelot being an idiot, you warning the old hag..sure hard to forget, really. Why?" Matthew grinned cheekily.
"Well, time for..revenge," she smirked.
Matthew blinked..and blinked. "We're what?"
"Going to get revenge, well we ain't but..you’ll see," she half shrugged, laying back into the grass enjoying the rays from the warm sun.
"How? Or should I say why?" Matthew asked, looking over to her.
"Because I promised Lancelot I wouldn't get revenge...back then...didn't say anything about helping get revenge." Her eyes closed, unable to see the disbelieving look Matthew gave her. "You know he's gonna have kittens knowing what we're doing." She shrugged again, standing brushing the grass off her shoulders, Matthew following her actions.
"That's why we'll tell him after we deal with the old crone," she grinned before grabbing Matthew's collar, dragging him down the hill towards the island.
"Just how are we doing this?" Matthew muttered climbing down the embankment.
"With a dragon." She answered, following him down the silence followed as Matthew stared at his best friend in shock. "A...dragon?"
"Yes, Merlin let me...borrow Kilgharrah"
"Borrow?" His eyebrows rose skywards, scepticism gracing his features.
"Okay, not borrow...more like the dragon has it in for the hag, so we made a deal." Talia rolled her eyes before continuing along the field as Matthew huffed, "I don't want to know do I?"
"Nope." She answered, snickering. They carried on towards the Isle of the Blessed with a sense of mischief in their hearts.
"Just how did you get our swords and the longbow past the airport checkpoint?"
"You're really asking that now, Matt?"
"I'm curious, it’s not like you can say 'Hey officer, don't worry, just going to get revenge on Cailleach the old hag, then call a dragon, watch him eat her. Just ignore the swords, oh please don't check the blade, it's sharp. Oh look there goes your finger, don't matter if you hurry, it can be sewn on again!" Matthew counted off on his fingers, sarcasm dripping off his words.
"You finished?" She asked, rolling her eyes, once again asking herself why to the heavens. Surely deities were listening.
"Oh no, I've just started!" she sighed before clambering up the steps of the dry dock. "I actually said we're part of a cosplay team…"
"You what?!"
"Now I bet you wished you never asked!" She cackled, walking down the dock, leaving a groaning Matthew.
"You have no idea," he sighed.
It was as if time had stopped. The walls were damp, cobwebs spread in abundance, corridors dark until they spotted the light at the end of the tunnel leading to the altar. "How are we getting the old crone to come here? Not like we're sacrificing anyone...why are you looking at me like that?" Talia grinned at a very worried looking Matthew. "Don't worry, no scarification needed. Luckily Merlin knows a few tricks nowadays."
"Yeah, well he could at least get a haircut and a shave!"
"I think he's got the wizard look right down" she glanced over at him.
"I still think Tolkien met him."
"What, to get the whole Gandalf look down?" She asked slightly confused
"Hell yes! Come on, both Merlin and Tolkien's characters have the beard and long hair… plus look what happened when you asked him to dress up at Samhain!" Matthew grinned, shaking his head.
"Yeah..that was interesting," she agreed, her forehead creasing slightly.
"Tal, he declared Gandalf as a half-baked wannabe with a guilt complex the size of Albion."
"Point taken," she chuckled, shaking her head.
"Then Lancelot laughed that much he nearly passed out."
"Wait till this year at Halloween you'll love it…"
"If you say Merlin and Lancelot as themselves, I'm so going to be there to watch," Matthew said.
"Nah, I gave up on that, thinking Harry Potter and Dumbledore."
The laughter echoed down the empty passageway as they broke into the altar area; it was still large and lush with green grass swaying with the wind.
"You know Talia if this place wasn't linked to the old religion it would be perfect"
"I've nothing against the old religion, just the old hag with a god complex."
"Well let's do this, it's gonna be a long drive back."
Walking around the altar, Talia's hand running along the cool stone as Matthew stood leaning against the wall watching her.
"How are we doing this?" He asked.
"Easily, Cailleach is listening to the old hag and is too nosy not to! You ain't getting a sacrifice to some old hag. So come on let's have this out!" She yelled the last part, her voice echoing around the walls as she jumped up on the altar, sitting on the edge.
"Are we really pissing her off?" Matthew asked.
"I don't get pissed off," the voice croaked behind him.
"Bloody hell, you old cron don't do that!" Screeched Matthew in a high pitch voice that would make an opera singer jealous as Talia doubled over laughing. Cailleach stood behind the young man all in her dark glory.
"What do you want, guardian?" She said.
"Oh come on, Cailleach. No hello? It's been, what, one thousand five hundred years, give or take a year...or ten," Talia shrugged, grinning ear to ear as she crossed her legs on the altar."The last I saw of you guardian...you threatened me, and I don't take well to threats," Cailleach accused, her eyes squinting at her.
"I don't take well to you trying to kill Arthur, Merlin or Lancelot," Talia shrugged easily, surprised by her anger
"It is not killing.."
"Really? A sacrifice to close the veil isn't killing?. Don’t you have enough souls in the underworld?"
"Not yet," she grinned, looking to Matthew
"Dream on hag, we're taken," Matthew muttered, walking over to Talia by the alter, sword in hand.
"So it seems that you are, child." Cailleach mourned at the loss of another soul joining her.
"See, I promised someone I wouldn't get revenge on someone else." Talia brought the conversation back on track. "Lancelot."
"Yes Cailleach, Lancelot, but I spent the day with a very large green-scaled dragon and it seems he still holds a grudge," she smirked, evilly sitting forward.
"Oh look, Talia, I think it just dawned on her?!" Matthew laughed as Cailleach searched the skies above her as the wind picked up.
"So it seems Matt. Heads up hag, we've got a visitor!" Jumping down, Talia grabbed Matthew, dragging her friend towards the wall as wings came into view.
"Done my part. Good luck Cailleach," Talia yelled over Kilgharrah's arrival.
"Amazing how hard it is to get a dragon to meet the gatekeeper," Talia muttered as she pulled Matthew into the gatehouse.
"We are not gonna watch?" Matthew asked.
"Have you ever seen a gatekeeper and dragon go at it?"
"Well...no."
"Me neither, but Kilgharrah said to stay out of the…" A crash and crackle of magic hitting something stopped them.
Both looked to the door.
"I think I get why now." Said Matthew worriedly looking over at her before a crash followed as rocks flew past the doorway.
"Oh, that's one pissed off dragon."
Talia nodded, sitting on an abandoned table. "Wouldn't you be? That old hag nearly killed Merlin, tried to stop the path of Arthur."
"Let's not forget the whole vail crap."
Sparks struck the door frame as Matthew jumped back. "Oh, the whole Veil needs a blood sacrifice and all that crap. She has real issues with wanting blood."
Fire bombarded the area passing the door; the heat could be felt with ease.
"Damn, should have bought marshmallows," Said Matthew bemoaning the loss of a good crispy marshmallow.
"Next time."
"I'm bringing the sausages as well then!" She shook her head as Matthew watched the show as close to the door as possible.
"Well, the old hag needs a peg knocking out of her."
"Duck!" Matt yelled, boards, bursting, showering bits of wood in all directions.
Talia ran to the door shouting around it. "Kilgharrah get a move on you overgrown lizard! That almost killed us!"
Matt stood brushing debris off his coat moving away.
"Bit close," he sighed.
"Just a bit."
With the table upturned, they sat behind it, flashes of lightning and flames, crashes and bashes, debris flew past the door frame or closer allowing them to duck, roars covered ears and magic was yelled as it all continued...
"How long?" Talia groaned heavily.
"Three hours and five minutes, in other words, five minutes from the last time you asked."
"Damn"
"Tal, tell them to quit," Matt moaned whilst cleaning his nails with his sword.
"And get my head blown off?"
"Come on, it's getting late, Merlin can only keep him busy so long!"
"Your point?"
"I'm bored, hungry and they’re being.." he pointed to the door as a lightning bolt struck close by, "...idiots, and they’re going to get us killed!"
Sighing heavily Talia stood, brushing herself off and stormed to the door. "If I die, I'm haunting you!" She muttered before diving out the door quickly as a whip.
Matthew listened intently to the point of straining his ears above the yells of casting, roars and the odd flame until…."THAT WAS MY CLAW!" A deep booming voice Kilgharrah echoed.
"Well if you weren't such an arse, I wouldn't have to stab it, you stubborn bloody dragon! And don't you start either you old hag!"
Matthew snickered, leaning against the wall, shaking his head as laughter rippled through him, whilst trying to listen as Talia continued to rant.
"...yes, I know! Get over yourself, Cailleach or I'll run you through old woman…."
Matthew shook his head, wiping the tears away "...oh trust me, I go to that underworld and I'll haunt you so much that you'll be begging to kick me out.."
He had to agree, she probably would. Talia could be annoying as hell, that was for sure.
"..Yea you're pissed at each other, I get that but come on! When Arthur gets released from Avalon you both need him, so give it a bloody rest! Don't start, you overgrown chicken...and don't you start you wrinkled old pug!"
The second bout of hysterical laughter struck the young man bracing himself against the wall, only Talia would insult a dragon and the gatekeeper of the underworld.
"...Right, that's it!!! I'm calling a truce till next Samhain. You, Kilgharrah, home till Merlin wants you, and Cailleach back till the underworld…no, not Halloween, that my bloody time you get Samhain the eve of Halloween!"
Attempting to catch his breath, Matthew began gathering his and Talia's things.
"Yes, I promise I'll call upon you next bloody Samhain...just...behave till then!"
Matthew cleared the doorway as Kilgharrah flew off, no sign of Cailleach could be seen.
"Finished venting?"
"They are like bloody kids I tell you! I ain't cleaning this mess!" She vented, walking over to her friend gathering her stuff from him.
"meh, we’ll just call Merlin on the way back; he can clean it up," Matthew reassured as the two made their way back out of the old palace.
"Next year we'll bring Lancelot and Merlin. It'll be fun," Talie said.
"Only if we bring camp stuff and food," he replied.
"Deal"
"Cool. Hey, can we stop by McDonald's on the way back? I'm starving," Matthew asked as Talia rolled her eyes.
"Sure, Merlin wants a happy meal anyway"
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