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#humour
we-are-knight · a day ago
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It's December at last, and with it, comes the inevitable reality that certain people have forgotten what this festive season is all about.
As disappointing as it is to have to inform some among you of the real Christmas history, I feel it's worth reminding that the reap spirit of this season is having a good time with your friends, celebrating the bonds that connect us, letting the king speak ahead of festivities asking for some adventure, watching as some green giant bursts into the hall with a giant axe, playing the most lethal game of axe-chicken, then watching in terror and dread as he scoops up his head and rises off bellowing that you shall meet him 1 year and a day hence, then everyone going back to having feasts and a good time because nothing stimulates the appetite like a good beheading.
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levistrophywife · 2 days ago
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✦゜JJK CHARACTERS: WHEN THEY'RE DRUNK !
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anon asked: can you do the jujutsu cast and how they protect your drink at a party? or maybe a scenario with drunk gojo or nanami? female reader if thats ok! thanks so much!   ( x )
featuring: gojo satoru & nanami kento + gn!reader (f!reader implied, but no use of pronouns!) genre: fluff, humour, scenario, drunk idiots word count: ~946 words notes: i did both because i liked the two prompts lmao
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part one: how they'd protect your drink
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` * GOJO SATORU
Canonically a lightweight and honestly the worst kind of drunk :/ He acts like a whole grown-ass toddler, so you might as well start bringing those baby leashes to parties. He goes from clinging to your side and practically whining whenever you try to leave, to strolling off on his own and ending up with his pants down and his head stuck inside of a garbage dumpster or something ://////
"Babyyyyy~" And... there he goes again, whining into your right ear like he's a thousand miles away from you and hasn’t seen you in forever, "Pay attention to me now!"
You have been. It's been 2 hours and this man still hasn't left your side. You tried taking a shower earlier to wash off all of the sweat you collected from trying to drag his drunk ass home, but he wouldn't let you go. So here you were; sitting on the luxury couch in his living room while you mindlessly scrolled through your messages. "Aren't you tired ‘Toru? I thought you had to get up early tomorrow anyway."
"'M never too tired for you!" His breath still smells like expensive alcohol, and you have to turn your face away before your sinuses make you cringe. Completely ignorant to your dismay, he presses his warm body closer to yours, and you have to fight the urge to elbow him away and escape the confines of his lanky arms circling yours. "—Could stay here with you all night, but you won't pay attention to me…"
The pout on his face would've been considered cute, had it not been for the drool leaking onto your shirt and staining it a shade darker than usual. And so, with a restless sigh, you slip your phone back into your pocket before you began manhandling the giant baby towards your shared bedroom and practically dropping his larger frame onto the bed.
"Here, why don't you change into your pyjamas?" You suggest, turning towards the door once more and leaving him to his own devices, "While you do that, I'll go get you some water and aspirin for tomorrow."
When you didn't hear any response from Satoru — or find him clambering around to latch onto your limbs again — you turn back around to face him; only to find the winter-haired man missing from his place on the bed.
All that was left behind was a trail of designer clothing on the ground which led towards the direction of the bathroom. Worried that he might try to do something stupid like showering with his clothes on again, you quickly ushered your way in — only to find said man passed out over the side of the bathtub in nothing but his underwear.
You had to cover your mouth at the hilarious sight, finding it difficult to keep a straight face as Satoru blissfully began snoring away and slipping further into the tub. Your hand reaches for the phone in your pocket once more, except this time, it was to open up the camera app.
Hopefully Satoru would forgive you for taking photos and showing his students tomorrow.
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` * NANAMI KENTO
The talkative kind of drunk. He'll complain about his life problems, only this time, he won't have his normal filter while talking to you. He'll simply… gush about what's on his mind without a second thought — and it could probably be considered a blessing and a curse with all the nonsense that comes out of his mouth ^^’
"—And what's more, that bastard has absolutely no regard for the safety of others." At this point, you weren't sure if your boyfriend was still talking about Gojo, or if he had moved on to a completely different subject entirely. But still, you nod your head and pretend to follow along with what he was saying as Nanami continued to ramble from his spot on the bed. "He doesn't factor in any of the risks he puts everyone through. He merely cares about himself."
"Uh-huh," You nod once more, no longer finding interest in the TV program idling playing in the background, "He sounds like a total jerk."
"Because he is." He turns to you, serious this time, and your eyes can't help but wander down to his exposed neck. Where did his tie go? "He's absolute shit."
You stop responding after that, and Nanami — bless his soul — seems to pick up on it. Now with his attention fully on you, he sends you an apologetic look as his warm hand seeks out yours to entwine your fingers together.
"I’m sorry darling, I keep talking about Hiro." Ah, so that’s who he was talking about: his co-worker from school. You give him a reassuring smile, indicating that you weren’t that annoyed with him for babbling on about the most mundane things, but the look in his eyes has you stopping dead in your tracks. “While you’re sitting here looking lovely... how could I ignore you like that?”
Oh.
And just like that, you feel one of his large hands roam up the side of your body and splay across the small of your back, only to pull you closer towards his warmth. His head falls into the crook of your shoulder, and you can feel and smell the wine on his breath against your neck. He’s mumbling again, but before you can move your head away to listen, he’s inching closer and slotting his flushed body against yours.
“—And don’t get me started on the king of bastards himself, Gojo Satoru.”
With a groan, you peel yourself away before smothering your drunk boyfriend with the blankets.
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Copyright © levistrophywife 2021. Do not repost, copy, or plagiarise my work. If you enjoyed reading, then please consider giving a like, follow, or reblog! Thank you very much!
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sasukehoe · 3 months ago
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Respectfully, Ireland is the best country on the planet
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memeuplift · 7 months ago
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fredmalm · 11 months ago
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Guide to chess pieces
https://www.patreon.com/fredmalm
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brightgoat · a month ago
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I just saw the drawings you just posted, what's gonna happen to them if Spamton catchs them? Is he gonna kill them?
ENDING A:
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ENDING B:
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neat-deadandlive-things · 10 months ago
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Online grocery shopping and I came across this.
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Eggplant, Baby!
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memeuplift · 7 months ago
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