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#oh that said tho im not jealous of the married thing. i think theyre crazy ajshsjsjsj we are far too young to be doing that rn but w/e its
achilleslyre · 1 year
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i think the fact that if i could have afforded uni i would be getting a classics degree and studying languages rn will forever haunt me…….. i actively mourn what could be so fucking bad.
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icecreamkink · 3 years
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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.
feelings.
very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful
anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start
in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr
listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?
For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies
i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics
fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service
slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it
wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0
i lov them
through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart
in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back
my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think
no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 
some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART
lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 
being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize
wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 
that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.
 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss
fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-
and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy
i have Learned. caves = gay.
 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)
the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it
early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 
EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 
i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance
 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)
jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"
jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry
lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((
up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all
seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez
that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir
 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE
when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious
all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them
hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)
its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
they are SO insufferable pleeeeease
in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”
in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.
 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss
the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)
ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok
you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 
jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)
i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 
the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic
and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic
i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon
and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 
The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 
wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh
me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”
its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ
everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 
ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 
“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;
the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes
untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo
related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 
and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 
 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 
highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.
lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 
on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn
also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'
when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///
hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss
they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad
when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN
so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted
even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 
wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)
the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid
wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)
LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k
take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood
zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 
cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!
wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn
everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 
showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 
justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁
jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief
my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession
the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 
“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”
"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd
also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice
yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON
they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((
wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer
both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w
;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all
wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience
the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected
on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY
lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;
 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together
also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy
wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation
did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins
jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;
i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 
im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 
when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 
also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point
 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?
wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"
unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 
and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 
jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say
i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-
 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE
a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 
literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour
babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 
(not that the pain is over LOL)
lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’
“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 
and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......
and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 
THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  
great now i made myself sad
and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??
JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 
and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it
enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏
 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him
babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  
one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks
wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺
so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh
a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 
her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao
 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 
like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby
and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 
anjo sensato :(
xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...
the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof
song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 
wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 
THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change
should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells
the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is
u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 
BAT WEN NING 
wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 
(they didnt) (yet)
DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.
i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again
also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever
mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy
also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious
i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something
jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he
the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 
in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT
oh my god oh my god
the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead
lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞
also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck
i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...
poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'
ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth
wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 
ME ON THE OTHER HAND"
the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*
"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard
not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho
i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...
re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?
idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling
i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again
jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god
and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night
i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not
jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'
the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl
never trust a dude with a fan.
nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 
when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.
and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy
netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)
the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........
there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 
that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*
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honeyjaws · 4 years
Text
im gonna scream u know. questionarie!!! lua and arthur!!! i efbsnmdakjsdn
@koalateamusings​ @lauriejuspeczyk​ r just out to get me
1. How did they first meet?
in St Denis at a bar lmao. he finds Bill and Lua and Vi after they saved Bill’s ass on a job that went awwwwwry. Bill’s fucken sloshed and like ‘they gotta come with us they would be useful aorthur’ and Arthur would be like ‘.... I GUESS’ and Lua n Vi are like cheers i’ll drink to that.
2. What did they think of each other at first? What was their first impression of the other?
Lua thought he was fucking handsome but quiet as alll hell a little awkward lol. also guarded; she’d wanna ask about the things he’s writing and drawing in his journal but wouldn’t ask because she feels it’d cross some boundary with him. Arthurrrrrrrr would draw her (like he does everyone its no big shut up!!!) and write something about how she’s new but he’d like to know her, he’s liked how he is around her and hopes that lasts. also she’s pretty sure sure.
3. Were they immediately interested / attracted, or did that come later?
UM like! yes and no! attraction was TOTAAALLLLY there but they both have,,, issues (because u fucking know Arthur is there like ‘well im fucking ugly’ and everyone else in the world is like ??? ??? but anyway) and so nothing actuallllly substantial happened until Arthur almost died in Guarma because of course it takes a big dramatic event for them to accept their,,,, feelings. crazy kids!!!
4. Why did they fall for each other?
just because~~~~
ok but like Arthur is the nicest and most genuine person Lua’s ever met and when she finally does ask about his journal she asks if he draws places he’d like to go one day because lord knooows she would love to be anywhere but the camp and he tells her he only draws what he knows and she says maybe it’s worth leaving to see more and when he tells her that if she left he’d go too she believes him and thinks maybe they could get away from all this and find something that fits and works for them in the world that’s changing and shifting away from the type of life they lead far faster than they can keep up with. maybe when arthur takes a moment to brush a feather or a flower or dried fucking grass out of lua’s hair and uses it as an opportunity to tuck her hair behind her ear and be close to her for a moment he doesn’t think he should have, a moment he’s feels he’s stealing from her, he knows that when she tells him he’s a good man she’s sincere and he wants so badly to believe it when it comes from her lips so in that moment he does.
did this answer the q? no! it’s just because!!!
5. Who flirted more before they started their relationship and how?
Lua lol. But that’s also kind of just how she is as a person. but with Arthur she’d actually mean it lol. He would make his self-deprecating comments about how he’s super ugly or a bad baaaad man she’d say he’s far from it.
6. Who made the first move/confessed first?
um it was a mutual thing u know. Arthur’s like basicalllllly dead and sun roasted on a horse returning from Guarma w a fresh case of TB and i have to pause a moment brb
ok right so with Lua seeing Arthur not dead like she thought is fucking overwhelmed by what she’s feeling and rushes to hug his crispy ass and when all their excitement and the Big Energy from that has passed Lua says “i love you, just. by the way. I’m glad you’re back” and Arthur responds by holding her face and telling her how when he was out there he kept thinking that one of the first things he needed to do when he got back was tell her that he loved her because he didn’t want to die without telling her. hmmm foreshadowing wrow.
7. When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?
one time when they were drunk and they didn’t talk about it after don’t worry about it mind your business, they did so why cant you???
8.  Which one is more easily made jealous?
I honestly cannnnot see Arthur being a jealous type because he’s got that self esteeeeem issue problem and would go for some self-deprecating shit before jealousy like “yeah there’s someone out there better than me, I don’t blame her”. so i guess the answer there is Lua?? but at the end of the day i dont see them caring too much because they’ve gotttta make up for lost time lol.
9. What do they fight about? Who’s the first to apologize?
haha after Arthur Realizes™ how he feels about Lua they go on a heist and she gets hurt but hides it until they’re back at camp and he gets so! mad! when he finds out he snaps at her like ‘what if it were worse what if she didnt make it back?’ and then Realizes™ part 2 that he was just scared of losing her and apologizes but doesn’t go into big big detail because this is stillll before anything actually significant has happened w them and they’re both like “oh my feelings couldn’t possibly be requited and therefore are not real.”
10. Did they have a first date? Where did they go?
not realllllly the closest thing would be pretending to be newlyweds on a heist n_~
11. What do their friends and family think? Do they approve of the relationship?
ALL PARTIES APPROVE LMAO. e v e r y o n e  knew how they felt about each other before they did and would try to get them to admit it especiallllly Vi and Rosa!!! they’d tease Lua like “ADMIT IT U IDIOT” and she’d be like “shut up Kieran is,,, weird and John smells like a horse!!!”
Most importantly tho Hosea thinks it’s good and that they’d be able to make a nice life together. lol.
12. Do they like to cuddle/hold hands? Do they prefer to do it privately rather than in public?
FUCKING YA FUCK. catch Arthur and Lua at the campfire w Arthur’s arm around her or just ~*cozied up*~ because time is fleeting bitch :~)
13. How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time (If they do)? Under what circumstances does it happen?
i just said time is fleeting!!! but also ok like! they’re drunk one night, shortly after Lua and Vi join the gang, and the night ends w just them at the campfire and some romantic (but like when youre just meeting someone and ur drunk and like sure romance lol) shit happens. lua’s like ‘just dance with me it’ll be fun! there’s no one around!’ and arthur, reluctant, is like ‘well alright’ but he’s smiling he’s content and then they have a really sloppy night together that afterwards neither of them acknowledge for a long long while. after theyre like fucken weird around each other for a bit. Lua obviously tells Vi and then Rosa because she caannnnot keep that secret for long but what she can do for a long is deny any feelings she has for Arthur lol. Things stop being weird when she tells herself it was just a one night thing and Arthur isn’t into her like that. Put it in a box amirite n_~
14. Who tops?
oh my god
15. Do they get married? Who proposes & how?
cruel cruel world must i go on
16. Do they have children? How many? What are their names?
cruel cruel world im gone
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adambstingus · 7 years
Text
Leave Lauren Alone: ‘Summer House’ Recap
Catch up on last week’s recap here!
What better way to continue the momentum from last nights unpredictable Oscars ceremony than with an episode of? Say what you want about Warren Beatty but I think we can all agree that years from now, will stand along with in the cultural zeitgeist.
As if losing best picture wasnt upsetting enough, now they tell me theres only 3 weeks left of ! How could they do this to me?
We pick up where we left off: Lindsey finding out about Everetts potential foursome.
She confronts him. Everetts first response is What? which is a sign he’s definitely about to lie his face off.
Everett: Well thats just impossible because I physically cannot fit in a bed with four people.
Airtight logic. Wow.
Im sorry, but Id trust Stephen over my own boyfriend. And Ive never even met Stephen (a sad but true fact).
Lindsey: Did you bring me a coffee?
Everett: I brought you something better *pulls out a sunflower*
Id be like bitch but where my coffee at tho.
Cristina says she loves to break a story which is a fancy way of saying she loves to gossip.
Just when you think Stephen cant get any better, he stops a workout to puke in the bushes. Honestly Im a little concerned for myself due to how much Im stanning for this random man.
Kyles like Theres two weekends left, Im a single guy, its a marathon and theres no quitting. I think thats what Kendrick Lamar meant when he said I pray my dick gets big as the Eiffel Tower so I could fuck the world for 72 hours.
Lets take a moment to discuss Lindseys shirt.
“Fridays we be like squad goals”? It’s so bad I’m convinced it has to be satire.
Lauren: I feel like I need to have a conversation with Carl.
NO YOU DONT. You went to froyo and he went to one dinner with your family. It was one time!
Lauren: IDK where you got this assumption that I wanted some grandiose gesture.
Strong words coming from the girl who took her hookup of a few weeks to meet her parents.
Lauren: I dont hook up with someone for three weeks and then expect a proposal.
Nobody said you were expecting a proposal but we all think you’re expecting a relationship.
SURPRISE this convo ends in a kiss. I will begrudgingly give Ashley a +1 for predicting this.
Lauren: IDK if Carls crazy because he keeps coming back, or if Im crazy because I keep taking him back.
You. Its you. Youre the crazy one.
Everetts doing some fundraiser race thing that I cant reasonably make fun of. America! For the troops!
Damn this group of like 10 people raised over $25K? How rich are they?
I said I wouldnt make fun of this, but this race is a bootleg version of Thats all Im gonna say.
Did Ashley break her ankle without even falling? That’s impressive.
I was super into my fruit salad until Lindsey said together Everett and I can take over the world. THANKS FOR THAT. You owe me $2.79. (What I meant is, I threw it up. OK I’ll go fuck myself now. Mahalo.)
Oh my God if Lauren is gonna overreact that much over Ashley rolling her ankle she should talk to me after my twin tore her ACL. Ill spare you the details of that trying ordeal for me, but long story short I I lived. Against all odds.
So shes in a cast but her ankle is not broken
Do you really need training on crutches? You put them under your arms, you walk.
Ashley on the couch:
DAMNNN BRAD LEVEL 5 ADVANCED PETTINESS: Well you wouldnt have rolled your ankle if you were here in California.
Ashley is more upset over leaving her sister than about leaving her husband. #Priorties
I would rip on the fact that this group hired a party bus to go to a brewery, but Im honestly jealous. Are you guys gonna be in Montauk this summer? Pls tweet us if so.
Fuck a party bus, this is like a party jitney. Im dead.
Kyle holding an entire cooler of mojito for himself is my spirit animal.
Carl: What are you supposed to do on a party bus? They dont call it a chill bus.
Insightful.
Ashley: Lauren and Carl are PDA like theyre in seventh grade.
Also Ashley: I just want Lauren to find a guy and be married like, yesterday because shes really missing out on life.
And again, Ashley: What is Lauren gonna do without me? I dont trust her to make decisions alone.
OH MY FUCKING GOD, she is hooking up with a guy whos not that into her, shes not shooting heroin! Jesus fucking Christ, leave Lauren alone! (Yes, I wrote that in my head in Chris Crocker’s voice, in case you were wondering.)
OK but cmon Jaclyn WAS all up on Carl at the bonfire. Objective, non-alternative fact. Check my recap, I wrote it down word for word in the event that something like this would happen. Check the receipts.
Carl probably just came watching Lauren do that beer bong. Honestly, I did.
Actual footage of me when Ashley said Crashley:
STEPHEN IS BACK. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
Jaclyn, you can join me and Stassi on team forever alone. Consider this your formal invitation.
Honestly, Stephen said what I was gonna say: Why do we GAF that people made out? Are we in the 4th grade? Let me know when someone fucks.
Damn has this shit really been going on for 10 weeks already? Jesus Christ. What has happened to my brain cells.
Everett tries to deny the bed incident.
Stephen: You said it.*Sips drink*
ScrewStephen really belongs on
Not even going to summarize this argument. Fuck all this, I side with Lindsey on this one. That shits hella inappropriate and Everett obviously knew it, otherwise he wouldnt have lied about it. BOOM. LAWYERED.
Cristina got cornered and shes forgotten what words are and her voice just went up like 3 octaves. Anddd that’s all for this week, folks.
Check out our Vanderpump Rules recap!
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/21/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163245115087
0 notes
samanthasroberts · 7 years
Text
Leave Lauren Alone: ‘Summer House’ Recap
Catch up on last week’s recap here!
What better way to continue the momentum from last nights unpredictable Oscars ceremony than with an episode of? Say what you want about Warren Beatty but I think we can all agree that years from now, will stand along with in the cultural zeitgeist.
As if losing best picture wasnt upsetting enough, now they tell me theres only 3 weeks left of ! How could they do this to me?
We pick up where we left off: Lindsey finding out about Everetts potential foursome.
She confronts him. Everetts first response is What? which is a sign he’s definitely about to lie his face off.
Everett: Well thats just impossible because I physically cannot fit in a bed with four people.
Airtight logic. Wow.
Im sorry, but Id trust Stephen over my own boyfriend. And Ive never even met Stephen (a sad but true fact).
Lindsey: Did you bring me a coffee?
Everett: I brought you something better *pulls out a sunflower*
Id be like bitch but where my coffee at tho.
Cristina says she loves to break a story which is a fancy way of saying she loves to gossip.
Just when you think Stephen cant get any better, he stops a workout to puke in the bushes. Honestly Im a little concerned for myself due to how much Im stanning for this random man.
Kyles like Theres two weekends left, Im a single guy, its a marathon and theres no quitting. I think thats what Kendrick Lamar meant when he said I pray my dick gets big as the Eiffel Tower so I could fuck the world for 72 hours.
Lets take a moment to discuss Lindseys shirt.
“Fridays we be like squad goals”? It’s so bad I’m convinced it has to be satire.
Lauren: I feel like I need to have a conversation with Carl.
NO YOU DONT. You went to froyo and he went to one dinner with your family. It was one time!
Lauren: IDK where you got this assumption that I wanted some grandiose gesture.
Strong words coming from the girl who took her hookup of a few weeks to meet her parents.
Lauren: I dont hook up with someone for three weeks and then expect a proposal.
Nobody said you were expecting a proposal but we all think you’re expecting a relationship.
SURPRISE this convo ends in a kiss. I will begrudgingly give Ashley a +1 for predicting this.
Lauren: IDK if Carls crazy because he keeps coming back, or if Im crazy because I keep taking him back.
You. Its you. Youre the crazy one.
Everetts doing some fundraiser race thing that I cant reasonably make fun of. America! For the troops!
Damn this group of like 10 people raised over $25K? How rich are they?
I said I wouldnt make fun of this, but this race is a bootleg version of Thats all Im gonna say.
Did Ashley break her ankle without even falling? That’s impressive.
I was super into my fruit salad until Lindsey said together Everett and I can take over the world. THANKS FOR THAT. You owe me $2.79. (What I meant is, I threw it up. OK I’ll go fuck myself now. Mahalo.)
Oh my God if Lauren is gonna overreact that much over Ashley rolling her ankle she should talk to me after my twin tore her ACL. Ill spare you the details of that trying ordeal for me, but long story short I I lived. Against all odds.
So shes in a cast but her ankle is not broken
Do you really need training on crutches? You put them under your arms, you walk.
Ashley on the couch:
DAMNNN BRAD LEVEL 5 ADVANCED PETTINESS: Well you wouldnt have rolled your ankle if you were here in California.
Ashley is more upset over leaving her sister than about leaving her husband. #Priorties
I would rip on the fact that this group hired a party bus to go to a brewery, but Im honestly jealous. Are you guys gonna be in Montauk this summer? Pls tweet us if so.
Fuck a party bus, this is like a party jitney. Im dead.
Kyle holding an entire cooler of mojito for himself is my spirit animal.
Carl: What are you supposed to do on a party bus? They dont call it a chill bus.
Insightful.
Ashley: Lauren and Carl are PDA like theyre in seventh grade.
Also Ashley: I just want Lauren to find a guy and be married like, yesterday because shes really missing out on life.
And again, Ashley: What is Lauren gonna do without me? I dont trust her to make decisions alone.
OH MY FUCKING GOD, she is hooking up with a guy whos not that into her, shes not shooting heroin! Jesus fucking Christ, leave Lauren alone! (Yes, I wrote that in my head in Chris Crocker’s voice, in case you were wondering.)
OK but cmon Jaclyn WAS all up on Carl at the bonfire. Objective, non-alternative fact. Check my recap, I wrote it down word for word in the event that something like this would happen. Check the receipts.
Carl probably just came watching Lauren do that beer bong. Honestly, I did.
Actual footage of me when Ashley said Crashley:
STEPHEN IS BACK. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
Jaclyn, you can join me and Stassi on team forever alone. Consider this your formal invitation.
Honestly, Stephen said what I was gonna say: Why do we GAF that people made out? Are we in the 4th grade? Let me know when someone fucks.
Damn has this shit really been going on for 10 weeks already? Jesus Christ. What has happened to my brain cells.
Everett tries to deny the bed incident.
Stephen: You said it.*Sips drink*
ScrewStephen really belongs on
Not even going to summarize this argument. Fuck all this, I side with Lindsey on this one. That shits hella inappropriate and Everett obviously knew it, otherwise he wouldnt have lied about it. BOOM. LAWYERED.
Cristina got cornered and shes forgotten what words are and her voice just went up like 3 octaves. Anddd that’s all for this week, folks.
Check out our Vanderpump Rules recap!
Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/21/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap/
0 notes
allofbeercom · 7 years
Text
Leave Lauren Alone: ‘Summer House’ Recap
Catch up on last week’s recap here!
What better way to continue the momentum from last nights unpredictable Oscars ceremony than with an episode of? Say what you want about Warren Beatty but I think we can all agree that years from now, will stand along with in the cultural zeitgeist.
As if losing best picture wasnt upsetting enough, now they tell me theres only 3 weeks left of ! How could they do this to me?
We pick up where we left off: Lindsey finding out about Everetts potential foursome.
She confronts him. Everetts first response is What? which is a sign he’s definitely about to lie his face off.
Everett: Well thats just impossible because I physically cannot fit in a bed with four people.
Airtight logic. Wow.
Im sorry, but Id trust Stephen over my own boyfriend. And Ive never even met Stephen (a sad but true fact).
Lindsey: Did you bring me a coffee?
Everett: I brought you something better *pulls out a sunflower*
Id be like bitch but where my coffee at tho.
Cristina says she loves to break a story which is a fancy way of saying she loves to gossip.
Just when you think Stephen cant get any better, he stops a workout to puke in the bushes. Honestly Im a little concerned for myself due to how much Im stanning for this random man.
Kyles like Theres two weekends left, Im a single guy, its a marathon and theres no quitting. I think thats what Kendrick Lamar meant when he said I pray my dick gets big as the Eiffel Tower so I could fuck the world for 72 hours.
Lets take a moment to discuss Lindseys shirt.
“Fridays we be like squad goals”? It’s so bad I’m convinced it has to be satire.
Lauren: I feel like I need to have a conversation with Carl.
NO YOU DONT. You went to froyo and he went to one dinner with your family. It was one time!
Lauren: IDK where you got this assumption that I wanted some grandiose gesture.
Strong words coming from the girl who took her hookup of a few weeks to meet her parents.
Lauren: I dont hook up with someone for three weeks and then expect a proposal.
Nobody said you were expecting a proposal but we all think you’re expecting a relationship.
SURPRISE this convo ends in a kiss. I will begrudgingly give Ashley a +1 for predicting this.
Lauren: IDK if Carls crazy because he keeps coming back, or if Im crazy because I keep taking him back.
You. Its you. Youre the crazy one.
Everetts doing some fundraiser race thing that I cant reasonably make fun of. America! For the troops!
Damn this group of like 10 people raised over $25K? How rich are they?
I said I wouldnt make fun of this, but this race is a bootleg version of Thats all Im gonna say.
Did Ashley break her ankle without even falling? That’s impressive.
I was super into my fruit salad until Lindsey said together Everett and I can take over the world. THANKS FOR THAT. You owe me $2.79. (What I meant is, I threw it up. OK I’ll go fuck myself now. Mahalo.)
Oh my God if Lauren is gonna overreact that much over Ashley rolling her ankle she should talk to me after my twin tore her ACL. Ill spare you the details of that trying ordeal for me, but long story short I I lived. Against all odds.
So shes in a cast but her ankle is not broken
Do you really need training on crutches? You put them under your arms, you walk.
Ashley on the couch:
DAMNNN BRAD LEVEL 5 ADVANCED PETTINESS: Well you wouldnt have rolled your ankle if you were here in California.
Ashley is more upset over leaving her sister than about leaving her husband. #Priorties
I would rip on the fact that this group hired a party bus to go to a brewery, but Im honestly jealous. Are you guys gonna be in Montauk this summer? Pls tweet us if so.
Fuck a party bus, this is like a party jitney. Im dead.
Kyle holding an entire cooler of mojito for himself is my spirit animal.
Carl: What are you supposed to do on a party bus? They dont call it a chill bus.
Insightful.
Ashley: Lauren and Carl are PDA like theyre in seventh grade.
Also Ashley: I just want Lauren to find a guy and be married like, yesterday because shes really missing out on life.
And again, Ashley: What is Lauren gonna do without me? I dont trust her to make decisions alone.
OH MY FUCKING GOD, she is hooking up with a guy whos not that into her, shes not shooting heroin! Jesus fucking Christ, leave Lauren alone! (Yes, I wrote that in my head in Chris Crocker’s voice, in case you were wondering.)
OK but cmon Jaclyn WAS all up on Carl at the bonfire. Objective, non-alternative fact. Check my recap, I wrote it down word for word in the event that something like this would happen. Check the receipts.
Carl probably just came watching Lauren do that beer bong. Honestly, I did.
Actual footage of me when Ashley said Crashley:
STEPHEN IS BACK. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
Jaclyn, you can join me and Stassi on team forever alone. Consider this your formal invitation.
Honestly, Stephen said what I was gonna say: Why do we GAF that people made out? Are we in the 4th grade? Let me know when someone fucks.
Damn has this shit really been going on for 10 weeks already? Jesus Christ. What has happened to my brain cells.
Everett tries to deny the bed incident.
Stephen: You said it.*Sips drink*
ScrewStephen really belongs on
Not even going to summarize this argument. Fuck all this, I side with Lindsey on this one. That shits hella inappropriate and Everett obviously knew it, otherwise he wouldnt have lied about it. BOOM. LAWYERED.
Cristina got cornered and shes forgotten what words are and her voice just went up like 3 octaves. Anddd that’s all for this week, folks.
Check out our Vanderpump Rules recap!
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/21/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap/
0 notes
jimdsmith34 · 7 years
Text
Leave Lauren Alone: ‘Summer House’ Recap
Catch up on last week’s recap here!
What better way to continue the momentum from last nights unpredictable Oscars ceremony than with an episode of? Say what you want about Warren Beatty but I think we can all agree that years from now, will stand along with in the cultural zeitgeist.
As if losing best picture wasnt upsetting enough, now they tell me theres only 3 weeks left of ! How could they do this to me?
We pick up where we left off: Lindsey finding out about Everetts potential foursome.
She confronts him. Everetts first response is What? which is a sign he’s definitely about to lie his face off.
Everett: Well thats just impossible because I physically cannot fit in a bed with four people.
Airtight logic. Wow.
Im sorry, but Id trust Stephen over my own boyfriend. And Ive never even met Stephen (a sad but true fact).
Lindsey: Did you bring me a coffee?
Everett: I brought you something better *pulls out a sunflower*
Id be like bitch but where my coffee at tho.
Cristina says she loves to break a story which is a fancy way of saying she loves to gossip.
Just when you think Stephen cant get any better, he stops a workout to puke in the bushes. Honestly Im a little concerned for myself due to how much Im stanning for this random man.
Kyles like Theres two weekends left, Im a single guy, its a marathon and theres no quitting. I think thats what Kendrick Lamar meant when he said I pray my dick gets big as the Eiffel Tower so I could fuck the world for 72 hours.
Lets take a moment to discuss Lindseys shirt.
“Fridays we be like squad goals”? It’s so bad I’m convinced it has to be satire.
Lauren: I feel like I need to have a conversation with Carl.
NO YOU DONT. You went to froyo and he went to one dinner with your family. It was one time!
Lauren: IDK where you got this assumption that I wanted some grandiose gesture.
Strong words coming from the girl who took her hookup of a few weeks to meet her parents.
Lauren: I dont hook up with someone for three weeks and then expect a proposal.
Nobody said you were expecting a proposal but we all think you’re expecting a relationship.
SURPRISE this convo ends in a kiss. I will begrudgingly give Ashley a +1 for predicting this.
Lauren: IDK if Carls crazy because he keeps coming back, or if Im crazy because I keep taking him back.
You. Its you. Youre the crazy one.
Everetts doing some fundraiser race thing that I cant reasonably make fun of. America! For the troops!
Damn this group of like 10 people raised over $25K? How rich are they?
I said I wouldnt make fun of this, but this race is a bootleg version of Thats all Im gonna say.
Did Ashley break her ankle without even falling? That’s impressive.
I was super into my fruit salad until Lindsey said together Everett and I can take over the world. THANKS FOR THAT. You owe me $2.79. (What I meant is, I threw it up. OK I’ll go fuck myself now. Mahalo.)
Oh my God if Lauren is gonna overreact that much over Ashley rolling her ankle she should talk to me after my twin tore her ACL. Ill spare you the details of that trying ordeal for me, but long story short I I lived. Against all odds.
So shes in a cast but her ankle is not broken
Do you really need training on crutches? You put them under your arms, you walk.
Ashley on the couch:
DAMNNN BRAD LEVEL 5 ADVANCED PETTINESS: Well you wouldnt have rolled your ankle if you were here in California.
Ashley is more upset over leaving her sister than about leaving her husband. #Priorties
I would rip on the fact that this group hired a party bus to go to a brewery, but Im honestly jealous. Are you guys gonna be in Montauk this summer? Pls tweet us if so.
Fuck a party bus, this is like a party jitney. Im dead.
Kyle holding an entire cooler of mojito for himself is my spirit animal.
Carl: What are you supposed to do on a party bus? They dont call it a chill bus.
Insightful.
Ashley: Lauren and Carl are PDA like theyre in seventh grade.
Also Ashley: I just want Lauren to find a guy and be married like, yesterday because shes really missing out on life.
And again, Ashley: What is Lauren gonna do without me? I dont trust her to make decisions alone.
OH MY FUCKING GOD, she is hooking up with a guy whos not that into her, shes not shooting heroin! Jesus fucking Christ, leave Lauren alone! (Yes, I wrote that in my head in Chris Crocker’s voice, in case you were wondering.)
OK but cmon Jaclyn WAS all up on Carl at the bonfire. Objective, non-alternative fact. Check my recap, I wrote it down word for word in the event that something like this would happen. Check the receipts.
Carl probably just came watching Lauren do that beer bong. Honestly, I did.
Actual footage of me when Ashley said Crashley:
STEPHEN IS BACK. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DONT EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.
Jaclyn, you can join me and Stassi on team forever alone. Consider this your formal invitation.
Honestly, Stephen said what I was gonna say: Why do we GAF that people made out? Are we in the 4th grade? Let me know when someone fucks.
Damn has this shit really been going on for 10 weeks already? Jesus Christ. What has happened to my brain cells.
Everett tries to deny the bed incident.
Stephen: You said it.*Sips drink*
ScrewStephen really belongs on
Not even going to summarize this argument. Fuck all this, I side with Lindsey on this one. That shits hella inappropriate and Everett obviously knew it, otherwise he wouldnt have lied about it. BOOM. LAWYERED.
Cristina got cornered and shes forgotten what words are and her voice just went up like 3 octaves. Anddd that’s all for this week, folks.
Check out our Vanderpump Rules recap!
source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/21/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/leave-lauren-alone-summer-house-recap.html
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