#online classes are killing me

[komashkathesilly]

have a cat

#im kinda fucked cause profs wanted a pack of 10 sketches like this for 8 mins max each #of ppl n pets last week #while we r studying in an online format🚶 like man i havent left house for 3 months n havent seen more than 2 ppl n 2 cats #n i thought ok. ill do it somehow whatever. didnt actually. n then the day of deadline #bro said he wants 40 sketches #i have now. 3 ☜☆☞ #but also we have a week left of online classes n then well have to umm go to the uni. n itll kill me. yeah🚶 #komashkart #n the rest of those sketches end up ugly as fuck or too detailed for the assignment. ripping the hair out of my bald head gritting teeth

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

#snap chats #being without my computer charger has been maddening #that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :(( #AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK #i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that… #MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill #anyway. daigo plushie so cute :(((((((((((((((( #mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo #alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That #THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :(((( #anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea… #also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies #tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack….. #ok bye its tea time #help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’ #calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO #ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god

[raindrvq]

im going back in time to stop myself from signing up for ap precalc bc this class is gonna be the death of me

or maybe just go back in time to stop my school from changing normal precalc to an ap class

#like i love the class bc honestly the classwork isnt horrible i can understand most of it #and i love my teacher n the ppl in that class #but when i have to open ap classroom.... kill me right then n there #i cannot #i do not understand any of this shit. n i actually cannot focus on it at all for some reason???? idk ig i just dont like online work #i need to focus on my hw rn instead of being tumblr but 🧍‍♂️i have gov hw too rahhhhhhh fuck me #cam says stuff

[calkale]

I got the exact same grade on my physics test im so tired, i asked about 3 questions on the test and the teacher was as clueless as i was

#i dont want to but i may just apply for a commerce in aviation degree instead #Im so fucking sick of online courses #Id rather do science cause i do not care about business but these online classes are fucking killing me #i have like a 95% in english 12 and thats the only requirement for the commerce degree

[bat-luun]

oh also im like 80% sure one of my bitchass classmates was making fun of me today by humming circus music every time i entered the room because im the only visible faggot in that class with sick emo eyeliner

#bat rambles #hope this doesnt turn into actual bullying tho #those girls would 1000% call me slurs if i wasnt their classmate for the next four years #ah love it #im the only queer in a class of like 25 people #well not really #theres another trans guy but hes a huge asshole to my roomie so #guess things like me are destined for loneliness :P #tho at least i have online friends #i can maybe make it my mission to piss those girls off with my emo faggy existence #im gonna get so cringe it fucking kills them >:D

[lyekisses]

how are you going to be a professor teaching a FULLY ONLINE CLASS who only responds to emails during your 4 hours of office hours a week……..

#and also assigns things that involve GOING TO CAMPUS like why do you think i signed up for an online class…… #SO I DIDNT HAVE TO GO #but it’s the email thing that really kills me😭

[darlingfreddie]

Oh my GOD I am so burnt out from classes I have two written exams due tomorrow and I have no motivation to finish them 😊🔫

#These online classes are killing me #like I get it that we’re home but like the workload is craaazzyy #Thank god I’m graduating in like two months bc I can’t do this anymore

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

taking psychic damage i opened up my school website thing and i already have so many assignments oughhh school doesn't start till tuesday don't make me do things i just want to draw that stupid fucking anime twink in a skirt

#“read the syllabus and buy your textbooks before classes start” no fuck you i'm going to read the syllabus during the first class like #everybody else and download the textbooks online after i have confirmation that we'll actually be using them because i am NOT #putting in more effort then i have to i'm like a senior? this year? i don't fucking know but i'm low-key done with this shit #(i say knowing full well that i will be signing up for grad school soon omfg i have to figure out where to go for grad school kill me)

[fictionadventurer]

.

#if i weren't so afraid of sharing info online #and of sounding like i think i'm special or something #i'd share my birth story with you #a big reason i'm so staunchly pro life is that i got to survive when so many children who were so much more developed than me #got torn limb from limb with the full consent of the law #i was a medical emergency #i endangered my mother's life #yet no one wanted to kill me #no one said it was necessary to crush my skull to save my mother #i was delivered #far too early #far too small #you know what i'll just say it: 24.5 weeks #at a regular catholic hospital that doesn't do abortions #had i been a few days younger it would have been legal for any state in the union to abort me at that age #roe v wade required it #yet i had doctors and nurses fighting tooth and nail for months to make sure i survived and survived healthy #i was supposed to be blind and brain-damaged #i have low-prescription lenses and graduated as valedictorian of my high school class #i got the chance that so many other babies didn't #there's almost a form of survivor's guilt #there's anger on behalf of my fellow preemies #the ones who are lucky enough to stay in the womb yet have doctors and mothers fighting to kill them #you say they're not a person? #was *i* not a person? #was *i* worthless? #there were people who thought i wasn't and i'm grateful for it every day #but the thing is none of those other babies are worthless #none of them are monsters destroying their mothers' lives #they are helpless infants who want to live who deserve to live who have no less right to live than i did

[ezratheunready]

If you cracked my head open during an exam it’s just static and Willie Nelson’s “Cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other” blasting at full volume.

#no thoughts just gay cowboys #doing online summer classes and they’re killing me #help #no brain cells #school is killing me #cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other #willie nelson

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the problem with a mood profile that is mostly way down with peaks of way up is that when u return to a state of: the bullshit is easy. #i dont need to sleep. i could run around in circles. i could read a million papers. what kind of loser cant manage their life? #u r like: God fucking dammit i fucked up so much stuff. y tf didnt i do yhis at the time???? its so baffling like i went from fuck just let #me sleep forever to agitated and full of evil energy to like: ok im normal im gonna do the extraction ive been putting off for months #y couldnt i have been like this last week when i should have gathered a list of my failing students to the prof to make them withdrawal? #like y tf didnt i do that?????? i mean. its kind of a suspect way to run a class tbh bc u r artificially inflating ur score #but i could have saved like 6 ppl from an F. but i mean if u r struggling its sort of on u to reach out for help. #ugh. ive not been very good at my job this semester. but to b fair my brain has been trying very hard to kill me #genuinely i had to fill out a safety sheet in therapy and then go to a ta meeting where they were like: how r yall doing #? how do u feel abt the semester? and im just like aaaaaaaAAAaaaa 🙃 #next semester i think im TAing for an online course. and im hoping its not bc i was so terrible they had to distance me from students lol #i mean. thats probably just me being paranoid but idk well see monday when i ask when the prof wants to meet before next semester #ay. its been a rougher semester than id hoped. #unrelated

[drewsaturday]

environmental storytelling about how outdated and poorly researched my social media textbook is

LIKE.

revolve festival was like fyre fest 2.0. and i know this because i'm chronically online and love influencer drama which tends to pop up in the form of marketing scandals.

they really just. spent paragraphs hyping up revolve for a specific event that STRANDED INFLUENCERS IN THE DESERT JKL;SDFLJK. but this is how they talk about it

and for a bonus bad look, though this controversy was enough years ago that MAYBE they've incorporated more diversity into their promotion since then...

revolve got in trouble for having exclusively thin white influencers showcased from their brand trips in ~2018.

so the textbook praising them on selective influencer partnerships...

SURE IS CHOICE

#txt #im glad this class was so easy but god I CRAVE SOME DISCUSSION BOARD OR ESSAY ASSIGNMENT SO I #CAN TRASH THE TEXTBOOK WITH MY CHRONICALLY ONLINE SUPERIORITY #jfjjj h another thing they keep talking about dj khaled and praising him as the king of snapchat #AND LIKE IDK MAYBE IM JUST LIVING IN ANOTHER WORLD #but i only know about revolve from their scandals #and i only know about dj khaled bc he doesn't eat pussy #so like. do normal people actually just... #brainlessly consume this sort of content and enjoy it??? could not be me #the only marketing tactics in my Native Social Media environment i let myself fall for #is whatever l*nda carter is doing and that's bc she's pretty #OUGH ANOTHER THING i know you cant talk about influencers without there being some drama behind them #so it's unrealistic to expect textbook revisions every time smth happens #but david d*brik comes up a lot #like. HE ALMOST KILLED HIS FRIEND WITH AN EXCAVATOR #I don't care about his impact i care that he almost Murdered His Friend #/IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET VIEWS/ can we PLEASE talk about the bad side of marketing i am BEGGING #like genuinely this book is preparing no one if you don't

[steffigraf]

ah shit i got so distracted by davis cup that i forgot to do my french homework

#the online class mode is killing me fr #anyway pray for me bc my class is first thing in the morning #tennisms

[freebooter4ever]

I dont believe in love at first sight by any stretch of the imagination, but there's something that happens sometimes when i meet a person - and i dont mean just seeing them i mean start to talk, like actually talk - that says this connection is different, platonic or romantic. (it took meeting “Paul” twice for us to even have a proper conversation and after we did we were both like why the fuck did we waste so much time not being friends)

I wish i knew what makes it different. I wish i knew why with some people silly mundane things can feel like the most exciting thing. What quirk of personality makes it more interesting with them than with anyone else? Like, say when a friend calls you up and says ‘hey i need to grb beer and snacks can you give me a ride?’ and you're like ‘fuck yeah why not’ cause you know with this friend, no matter what you do it's gonna be awesome. Or giggling in a supermarket while looking at pasta cause no reason. Or stopping a walk in the middle of a random neighborhood because suddenly in that moment the sunset and light is perfect and it must be appreciated. Or spending two hours carefully checking light bulbs to find the single burnt out bulb in a christmas light string. Or sitting in a crowded club booth knitting while everyone else dances cause your friend just isnt feeling it tonight. Or taking photos with a weird ass dolphin mural that happened to be on the walk to dinner. Or driving through snow to the end of the forest road, just because. (all of these are different people btw)

But then with other people i can do exciting planned out events with them - and its great, the best. But when we are alone the excitement fades. And something is missing. Like a gaping ache. And i can never fucking explain. 

As grandma once said - with grandpa nothing was ever ‘the usual’, even things they did every night like go to the back room and watch columb*o on tv never felt boring when he was with her. And i didnt say it but i was thinking : grandma aren't you old? Shouldn't that have faded by like the first 50 years together? 

But also, i knew exactly what she meant and i think ive been searching for a version of that for myself my whole life. Because my version of it always ends - friends move away, i move away, nick fucking rips my heart out and smashes it under his foot when he tells me he didnt say goodbye before leaving the city because he thought he wouldnt miss me at all (im not bitter) , lives drift apart emotionally, etc. And im really REALLY happy and grateful for the periods when i am feeling that platonic or romantic love.

But god i wish it happened more often. And i wish it didnt feel like nails on a chalkboard when im trying to force it. If im not always a little secretly thrilled when im with someone no matter where we are or what we are doing, i think i know deep down its not The One. and i get antsy and guilty and like an itch in the back of everything i do.

#journal shit #i keep saying im just broken or some shit and lettia keeps telling me no #but she meanwhile after a 14 year relationship break up is just killing it with the online d*ting thing and im like ?????? #lettia is the one who the first time we hung out outside of dance class was to go get beer (i dont drink) #and i had that familiar realization of oh shit whelp i guess im a little bit in love with this person haha that's fun #that was a VERY long time ago twelve years ish

[parapsychoiogy]

chanting "number go up!! number go up!!!" to my grade each time i get to check it after an auto graded assignment is submitted

#im still failing but making a big enough come back i CAN and WILL pass this class if it kills me #the special bond between a boy and his math he has to teach himself because its an online course