#or making Raphs kind of yellow but they’re my headcanons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

standfortheangels · 4 years

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@a-simple-rper sent some questions from a 'mun and muses' question list post thing a few days ago. But Tumblr is doing its regular thing and won't let me answer them. SO, with any luck I'll be able to make this work instead.

((Edit- Yes! thank god. Fifth time is the charm apparently))

___

Orange - Do you see any similarities between you and your muse(s)?

Yeah, I can see a few ^^ Chester's nervousness, hesitation, and worry about how other people view him, are all things that used to be part of my own personality too. Thankfully, anxiety meds have actually done me the world of good. I very rarely feel anxious over nothing, I've realised and accepted that little mistakes and miscommunications aren't a big deal, and I don't feel that panic if someone criticizes me.

But, living the opposite way for most of my life is obviously something I can't forget, so I can still really relate to Chester's mindset. I also feel like now I've felt this more balanced and grounded state, I'm in a better position to write and connect with Chester in his future, once he's grown and gathered his confidence bit by bit~

Black - Do you think you and your muse(s) would be friends in real life?

Hmm..... With Raph, there's no way I'd be able to break through his defenses, and I think on the whole I'd be too.... Mild? For him to really connect with? And it's probably similar with Chester tbh. He's so busy and so unsure that without something strong to latch onto, he wouldn't put his energy into befriending someone. Basically to become his friend, you need to be interacting with him often, and he'd need to see something about you that he can understand and empathise with from the start.

Mike I'd say I really could be friends with, buuuut I doubt I'd have the energy to keep up with him x'D He'd probably be quite draining for me to spend time with, but I think he'd check up on me in-between our meetings with texts and send me happy/funny things a lot~ I think he'd be a very good friend to me, and I would really want to match that for him too.

And Mia? .... She's 14, so, probably not. X)

Red - Do you have a dream AU you haven’t written in yet?

Oh, dude, I have so many. I have an x-men verse for a couple of them, I love the idea of pairing them with royalty, like Raph as a knight who has turned down kings and queens before, looking for someone worth laying down his life for. I love any kind of school AU, especially for Mike, and a few more little snippets here and there.

And can you believe in all the years I've been here, I can't remember writing a Hogwarts au?? I have all the muses in my head, down to the fine print, and yet, I haven't done anything with them.

¯\_( ^▽^")_/¯

Brown - What is a headcannon you are particularly proud of?

I don't know about proud of, but probably my favourite headcanon is definitely Chester's elfy ears.

I had it set for a long time that he'd had his ears cut off by his father. It was meant to be because he would hear voices. The people around him took it as a bad omen, and thought cutting off his ears would stop the 'spirits' from speaking to him. But I was never entirely convinced about that whole thing.

Then, I decided his ears were naturally pointy, and it fixed *everything*. The idea being that the goddess originally created people with these long ears, and over time, they were lost. Chester's people were already cut off from the rest of the world, maintaining the ancient ways and not wanting society to taint them and lead them towards that life.

Add in the ears, and suddenly they're a status symbol. A sign that this community actually is closer to the Goddess' ideal. And, the longer the ears, the better. The goddess will be impressed by you, and so will everyone else. So for Chester, it makes more sense. His ears were very long and slender, but his father deemed him 'unworthy' of the status they represented, and took them from him.

It fits in so well with the story I already had, it fixes an iffy plot point, and it makes the world fuller and a little more interesting. (Plus, I have tons of excuses now to draw Chester with elf ears, which is awesome X) )

Yellow - What is the best motivation for you to write your muse(s)?

This one is harder to answer right now; I rarely have the energy and focus to write, and in a way I feel like I've forgotten how to. My roleplays are in a total mess and I don't even know how to get things organised or where to start, which makes it difficult to break back into it.

But, they're still there. When something sparks inspiration, I know my muses are around, and I can imagine stuff for them in character. So then that motivates me. Also, reading threads. I've found that when I have the energy, reading through a thread from a ways back leaves me with ideas in my mind for how to reply. But often I then don't have enough energy left to write it, so it stays as a daydream. TwT

But mostly... I think it's people. I remember how great it is to plot with friends and squeal over ideas we would send back and forth~ I still love the relationships my muses have formed with others. And when I get a reply done (rare, but it does happen~) I get all excited for my partner to see it! I wait with a grin on my face for a message or a reply or a like, some sign that they've seen the post, so we can be excited together~ excited to see how their muse will respond and how the plot will go from there, excited to be writing again. It's a brilliant experience, and it really makes me feel good when I know I've achieved it. ^^

#asimplerper #thanks for sending these in!!#ooc #munday

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brightlotusmoon · 7 years

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TMNT Fanfic: Fire And Oxygen: Where My Demons Hide

Testing out the full “Mikey The Lifegiver” fanfic based on that headcanon where Mikey, still new to his Utrom-enhanced inborn psychic empath powers, teaches Raph to control his emotional rages, for which Angel123 did a beautiful illustration. Going to edit and post on both AO3 and FFnet later. Do give feedback here for content and such, like if I should add anything, etc. Remember, right now it’s just telepathy and intuitive sensing and some clairvoyance, and the telekinesis comes much much later in the series once he and April and Splinter start training. Plus, there are always side effects. He’s got temporal lobe epilepsy and a migraine disorder now. Sometimes headaches precede visions too.

Fire And Oxygen: Where My Demons Hide

Raphael was having nightmares again.

They were always the same. The endings were always different.

This time, Michelangelo took the katana in the side but Leonardo didn’t notice in time.

This time, Michelangelo took the knives to the chest meant for Donatello, but they couldn’t save him.

This time, Michelangelo was raped by that Foot ninja more than once, more than just fingers, and Raphael could not reach him.

And Raph bolted up in his bed roaring, tears streaming down his face. He was rasping out his little brother’s name. Chompy had climbed onto his chest, pawing at his face, making those little frantic whimpers, the same whining sounds he had made when Tokka came to get him and he realized he would be leaving Earth – Raph – behind.

His hands trembling, Raph clutched the puppy-like alien turtle delicately and growled, hiccupping.

Just a dream, his mind begged. Please, it’s just a bad dream, Mikey’s alive and he’s fine, there’s nothing wrong.

This time, Mikey’s latest seizure – the one caused by Raph hitting him and yelling at him – didn’t stop, it led to what Donnie called status epilepticus. Which, Donnie added, often lead to Sudden Unexpected Death In Epilepsy, it had its own acronym.

Mikey had stopped breathing. His heart had stopped beating. His brain shut down. He had died.

Raphael let out a sob that Chompy somehow echoed.

Raph’s bedroom door opened, not slowly, and it banged against the wall. Raph kept his eyes shut.

Someone sat on his bed; he felt the bottom of a carapace brush his blanket-covered leg. A three-fingered leathery smooth hand landed on his left shoulder. It began to rub up and down his arm. Another hand cupped the right side of his head. A large smooth leathery thumb wiped under his eyes.

A kind of energy – undeniably familiar from so many meditation sessions, breathe in breathe out – very carefully swept over his head, down his shoulders and arms, covering his torso, all the way down his legs, pooling into his feet, then disappearing and gathering in the very center of his forehead, swirling, full of all the shades of red, fading down to pink, then very slowly shifting into dark dark orange, cascading through that color wheel until the orange was bright, almost dark yellow, almost sunset, tinged with dark pink, red and yellow bleeding into one another, the way orange did, delight and passion eternal twins.

Raph felt himself take three deep breaths. He opened his eyes.

Michelangelo’s faces was inches from his own, kissing close. His mouth was tilted up on one side into a gentle smile and his eyes were overwhelmingly kind and gentle.

“Hey, bro,” he said quietly.

Swallowing, Raph suddenly felt humiliated. “H-hey.”

“You okay now?”

“I, um, I think so.”

Sighing, Mikey leaned in and pressed his forehead to Raph’s, still looking into his eyes. “It’s okay, you know.”

Raph didn’t blink but he mentally shrank back. “Uh…?”

“Freaking out. The nightmares. I’m like an expert now. I literally have no shame. It happens.”

Raph’s throat closed up a little. He pulled away just enough to wipe his face with the palm of one hand, and then he noticed that Chompy was snuggled in his lap, looking at Mikey with his tongue lolling. “But…I, um…they…”

“They’re memories,” his brother confirmed. “And then they change, and they’re nightmares. And you can’t do a damn thing.”

Raphael just nodded. “Y…you kept…dying. We…we couldn’t…nothing…”

Mikey suddenly grabbed Raph’s shoulders and narrowed his eyes, although his smile didn’t fade. “Dreams, Raph. Just dreams. Your fears. Your…your demons. I’m still here. Leo and Don, still here.”

Raph felt himself swell with what he could only identify as anguish. “But. Mikey. It could happen. It could really happen, for real, okay? It’s not my imagination, it’s stuff that could happen to you! And I can’t stop it! I can’t!” Heat gathered in his eyes and he sucked in a shuddering breath.

Mikey nodded and leaned back a little, clasping his hands together, as Chompy reached up to lick his fingers. Mikey kept smiling. “Y’know, a while back, I was helping Leo in the dojo because he was super duper tense and Sensei was worried he was pushing himself too hard. I picked up on that, and I went to see him and he was totally tense and zoned out. I put a little too much empathic energy into him, I had a seizure, Leo freaked out. Like, I think he thought I was dying. But I always come back. You know that. I’d never leave you guys.”

Raph looked down at Chompy for a few minutes. When he inhaled he tasted tears. “But…remember that time…you were so depressed…you let that katana wound get infected and you didn’t care, Mikey. I was holding you, you were crying. And then you got even worse, you were in a coma for over a week! And…and remember when you took that hit to the chest for Donnie, you were out for two whole weeks, you needed machines to breathe for you, you were in so much pain, Mikey, we really thought you might die, and when you woke up you were so numb…you…you…”

And Raph was crying, and he didn’t care.

And Mikey was hugging him tightly, and he sobbed into his little brother’s neck, deflated and defeated, grasping and grabbing Mikey’s carapace, holding on for dear life as though his baby might fade any second.

“I’m here,” Mikey whispered. “Raph, Raph, I’m here. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. I have you. You won’t let me fall. You won’t let me drown. Remember? Remember the squirrelanoids? You got me. You caught me. I didn’t drown because you caught me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Raphael gasped, “Lucky shot. Got lucky. I could’ve missed. I dream about it. I didn’t grab your hand fast enough. I didn’t hit the squirrelanoid that grabbed you. You got pulled down. Into the water. You were screaming for us. They bit you. They…they ki-”

“Sshhhhh. Raph, it’s all right. That’s not what happened. We’re home, you an’ me, and we’re safe. I promise.”

“Mikey, fuck, I love you. I can’t breathe.”

“Breathe, bro. C’mon. Breathe for me, Raph, I got ya, no one’s gonna hurt ya, I won’t let ‘em.”

Raphael gasped for air and found it somehow, tinged with sunshine.

“I love you, Raph.”

That same soothing energy washed over him, crashed through him, and it wiped away the fear, the anxiety, the rage. His body stopped shaking.

He pulled away and huddled against his headboard, frowning, breathing breathing breathing. Chompy was now pressed against his side.

Mikey was staring at him with a rakish, lopsided grin. His hands were folded, index fingers raised and pointing at his chin. “Feel better?”

Raph nodded. “Calm.”

“Good. Calm is my speciality.”

“Mikey, your speciality is being an annoying little goof.”

“But it brings calm and sanity to the group, doesn’t it.”

Raph found himself grinning. “If by sanity you mean utter confusion.”

“Hey, I never said I resonated with this reality.”

“Mikey, you’re a separate reality on your own.” And Raphael found himself reaching out to give his baby brother a noogie, which was graciously accepted.

“I know it’s, like, three in the morning,” Mikey said, “but I can sense you can’t fall asleep without help. Feel like a lesson in how to soothe your emotional rages?”

Raph grinned. “Why the hell not. You’ve been good at that all our lives, just by givin’ me an outlet.”

Mikey booped him on the nose. “’kay. First step is learning how to breathe.”

Raph began to roll his eyes, until he felt Mikey’s entire hand slam against his face.

“Dude. In for as long as you can go. Picture gold light as you inhale. Out for as long as you can go. Picture silver light as you exhale.”

Raph pushed the hand away. “Whatever you say.”

But it worked.

As the breathing exercises continued, Mikey cupped Raph’s face in both hands and pressed their foreheads together. “Remember. You control your flow. Even when it gets away from you. It’s yours. I am going to tell you exactly what I told Donnie and Leo. The first rule of being is this: Let yourself go. Let it surround you. Don't push it away, don't fight it. Just exist in the moment. Let everything come into you and breathe. Just breathe. Got that?”

Wordlessly, Raph nodded.

“Your anger is always in you, right at the surface,” Mikey said. “It’s part if you, like logic is for Donnie. You have a kickass temper, you have a short fuse, it’s who you are. But it’s like a controlled burn, if you let it be. It’s power.”

“Like yours?”

“Yeah, a little. It’s energy. You gotta direct it or it just slips out and does what it wants. It can hurt. It can hurt other people. But it can help. Let’s make sure it helps, my bro.”

Biting his lip, Raphael felt and saw the crimson glow of his anger surrounding him, waiting for orders. It was like a creature, a beast. Something with teeth. Surrounded by his own psychic darkness, kept hidden yet right at the surface. He reached out mentally to touch it and felt it press against him, curl around him purring. His creature. His emotional rage, his emotional excitement. Everything he felt to the core, even the happy emotions; he could sense its odd ability to break off into smaller beasts to represent all his feelings. It was beautiful, it was his, it was terrifying, it was beautiful, it belonged to him.

A ring of orange suddenly surrounded it, and brushed against it; some of that light wrapped around the red like a harness. Mikey, he realized. The creature purred louder and seemed to relax into that orange, like old friends.

“Let your flow exist,” Mikey’s voice drifted through his ears and his mind. “But let it stay close to you. It wants you to work with it.”

Raphael leaned back and opened himself wide. As if sensing the acceptance, the red glow, massive and thick, moved through him, thrumming, growling softly. He realized that he had never felt such peace with himself.

“There ya go, awww” Mikey said, out loud or telepathically he didn’t know. It didn’t matter. “S’gonna be super hard to maintain when you’re fighting in battle, but at least it’s a good start.”

Raph opened his eyes. Mikey’s hands had begun to move away from his face. Without thinking, Raph reached up and grabbed them, squeezing. Mikey’s eyes widened a little. The blue, thinned due to dilation, was glittering, like a gemstone, slightly glassy, and his face was a little pale.

“Thank you, baby brother,” Raph whispered, a lump in his throat.

Mikey swallowed and nodded. His left eye twitched a little.

“You okay? Raph asked. “You need anything?”

Smiling wanly, Mikey inhaled. “I’m cool.”

“You sure? You look like you’ve got a hell of a headache.” Raph ran his hand down the side of Mikey’s face. Concern and fear gripped him, but somehow that force of calm held them back from rising too quickly.

“Just…a side effect from these powers, y’know? I’m still learning.” Mikey smiled again, but Raph could swear he looked dizzy.

“Here, lay down.” Raph shifted until he was against the wall. “It’s three in the mornin’ after all.”

Mikey instinctively shifted and shuffled until he lay on his side. Raph guided his head to his own plastron. “I’m glad you’re here, Mikey.” And he yawned.

“Me too, Raph.” And then Mikey was silent, and his body slumped and he began to softly snore. Raph simply let his hand rest on his brother’s head.

Chompy burrowed a little further into his opposite side, and Raph scratched his chin. “’Night, Chompy,” he whispered. “Hopefully, no more nightmares.”

When he closed his eyes, a bright mix of red and orange danced across his mind, and he found himself smiling.

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