#please stfu mags we are all begging you

[notsocharmingmagician]

Idk what the general consensus is on Clawroline (and I’m honestly to scared to scroll the tag and find out) but like. Why does she look. Like THAT?

The track record was so good for not making the female characters..... weird... Why’d they have to fuck that up? The characters in the established universe are so soft and round and uniquely designed, which makes them clearly recognizable as Kirby characters.

Clawroline, on the other hand, falls into the overused and honestly kinda gross character template of “give her hips for days, a waist thin enough to snap like a pencil, and not-so-subtle definitely-not-tits just to make it clear she’s a girl, in case that wasn’t obvious enough already.” Like, when I first saw her (which was before I got to see the new trailer) I legit didn’t think she was a Kirby character. I honestly, 100% thought she was somebody’s fuckin Sonic OC or something.

Her design feels so generic, like I swear I’ve seen the “curvy spotted feline with bright eye makeup and nail polish, and, oh, also claws because she’s edgy” design sooooo many times. At least those times it was by random amateur furry artists on deviantart and not, y’know, professionals working on the latest game for a hugely popular franchise.

Like, c’mon. Is this really the best that can be done here? This Sonic-game reject? At least the overly-sexual gazelle from Zootopia got to wear clothes!!!! They didn’t even do Clawroline that most basic decency.

“But the animal friends in Kirby’s Dream Land 3 don’t wear clothes.” Yeah, and that’s fine because they’re not anthropomorphized outside of Rick and Nago walking on two legs. And also they are all very spherical. Which Clawroline is clearly not. At all.

And look at all the other characters with various anthropomorphic qualities:

Dedede: wears clothes.

Taranza & Magolor (even though they are mostly orb): both wear clothes.

Daroach: wears clothes (though it doesn’t cover anything, it’s fine cuz his torso is literally just a floating grey oval).

Sectonia: it looks like clothes? (She’s also a bit off the shits trying to meet every beauty standard ever, which at least gives her a reason to have very exaggerated proportions, which is worth pointing out, I think.)

Hyness: he may be damn crazy but he’s not nakey.

But then. Clawroline. The only character with such an exaggerated figure. Naked like she’s fresh out of the fuckin womb of her creator.

Again, Idk what people have been saying about her since she was revealed; all I know is that she doesn’t fit in with the characters already in the Kirby universe, her design is incredibly generic and falls into grossly overused cliches/stereotypes/beauty standards for character design, and lastly she just makes me fucking uncomfortable.

I hate to be that person who’s all like “hurr durr, make video games family friendly so I can let my 4 year old slay gods in this Kirby game.” No. That’s not the problem. I wouldn’t care if Clawroline was a curvy anthro cat lady IF she was in a universe where that’s just the standard and she fits right in. Or if there is a plot-based reason for it, like there is for Sectonia. But from what little we know, this isn’t the case, and they’ve clearly done Clawroline very, very dirty.

Apologies to all the Clawroline stand that are probably out there already, but I really cannot stand this character’s design.

#clawroline #they did her so dirty #how dare they #Nintendo please give her a shirt or something she’s gonna get cold #thanks for coming to my ted talk #please stfu mags we are all begging you #kirby and the forgotten land #kirby

[notsocharmingmagician]

Every fanfiction ever: look, we’re gonna hurt this little skrunkly boi. queen is gonna dunk him in the acid and then as if that wasn’t horrible enough, she’s gonna kick his deep fried puppet ass out of her mansion. poor little spamton g. spamton needs a hug but we’re just gonna keep hurting him instead because hhhhhigh-quality content✨✨~~

Me, lurking in the Deltarune tag on ao3: checks in daily with the hope that someone will have written the kind of content I’m craving

Me: “fuck. if I wanna break my favorite robot, I’ll just have to make the damn AU myself!”

#and that’s the story of how I finally made an au based on chapter 2 #idk what to call it #spamton gets his freedom and goes apeshit #spamton neo gets in on the epic giant robot boss fight #now it’s spamton’s turn to give out a free acid-dunking #please stfu mags we are all begging you #I’d write a fic myself but I have no clue how to write anyone but my faves soooooo #I feel like people shy away from writing about both Queen and Rouxls because their dialogue is funky #the obvious solution is to break the character until they can’t speak #sorry i’ll shut up now #deltarune #deltarune queen #deltarune au #spamton #deltarune ch 2 #queen deltarune #I have no idea how to tag Deltarune content help #I wish I was a competent fic writer but I am not........ yet.... #no one can stop me from posting at the worst times possible lmao

[notsocharmingmagician]

Team Bleck if they had to go a week without magic:

(Mostly my headcanons but it’s fine)

Nastasia wouldn’t be too phased, since she doesn’t use her hypnosis very often in day to day life. She’d probably spend the week without wearing her glasses and the other minions would be shocked that she actually has eyes.

O’Chunks doesn’t consciously use magic so he’d have no idea why he’s suddenly feeling super cold and a bit sluggish. He’d probably think he’s gotten sick for the first time in, like, ever, but Dimentio would be quick to point out the real problem. He’d overwork himself a lot at first in an attempt to prove to himself that he’s just fine, but he’d soon chill out a bit and hang around the other minions a lot since he’s got nothing else to do anymore.

Mimi would lose her mind because she can’t shapeshift into a new outfit every hour of the day. She’d also be a lot weaker physically and would keep losing energy until she gets her magic back. It would only take a few days for the organic parts of her body to get the message and go into a sort of hibernation mode. It’s sort of like when you try to shut down your computer but it refuses to shut down because there are still programs running. But then you close the programs and the computer shuts off. She’d wake up and be just fine once she gets her magic back and the Pixl parts of her body reboot.

Mr. L would only be minorly inconvenienced because he occasionally uses Thunderhand to power some of his smaller robots. Honestly it’s more of an issue for him when Dimentio is the one without magic, because Dim likes to hang around the workshop while L works, but without magic Dim would just be moping around the whole time and complaining.

Count Bleck takes a little bit to get used to doing things without magic since it’s been a few years. Since he doesn’t walk too much, he’s a little unstable on his legs, but he’s okay for the most part.

But Dimentio.... oh good grambi, Dimentio cannot function without magic. He uses magic for everything. And without it, he crashes like a child after an intense sugar rush. At first he’d be super pissed off to not have magic as a convenience, but his anger would very quickly turn into badly hidden panic as he realizes just how helpless he is.

Just like Bleck, Dim hasn’t actually used his legs in a while, but unlike the count, Dimentio doesn’t make his legs disappear when he’s not using them, which has allowed the muscles to atrophy a lot. It also doesn’t help that his diet is shit, so he’s got no muscles and no energy without magic to fuel him. Because of this, his condition would get worse and worse with time and unless he figures out how to take care of himself like a normal person instead of relying solely on magic, he’s gonna be in for a reeeeeal bad time.

Oh, and he’s gonna have to learn to ask for and accept help from his teammates, cuz this clown is not gonna make it down the fuckin stairs on his own. Nastasia has taken on the responsibility of making sure Dimentio gets enough to eat, cuz you know he’s not leaving his room in this sorry state. Nah, he’s got too much pride to be seen like that..... and he’d also fall down the stairs. O’Chunks essentially becomes Dimentio’s Uber driver and at first he is very annoyed about having to cart this gremlin around the castle, but once the initial annoyance wears off he can’t help but find it amusing how excited Dimentio gets just riding around on O’Chunks’s shoulders.

Yeah, after the grouchiness and anxiety wears off, Dimentio reveals his true nature: he’s super childish. Having such powerful magic is really the only thing that was boosting his big-ass ego, so now without it, he’s been taken down a peg.... or maybe a couple pegs. So once he gets it through his thick skull that he’s no better than anyone else and he actually needs their help to not fucking die, he drops his whole I’m-better-than-you persona and puts up a more pleasant front so the team won’t leave him to figure things out alone and probably die (they wouldn’t do that, but he doesn’t think they care that much about him sooooo).

Dimentio without magic.... well, is he really even the Dimentio the team knows at that point? They actually gets a little concerned that he’s gotten possessed because it’s just so out of character for him to be friendly and social without the usual undertone of an ulterior motive and the feeling that he’s talking down to everyone. He’s still a mischievous little shit of course. Now it’s just little pranks and jokes though, since anything more would require magic. Honestly he acts like a bit of a spoiled child because he will get his way no matter what anyone says. He’s a childish demon clown and no one can stop him.

And another thing to note: since Dim has been an asshole to everyone he’s met for like.... his whole existence, he is severely lacking in the hug department. So if anyone touches him, he will refuse to let them leave for at least a few minutes. Mr. L has to deal with this the most since Dim has nothing better to do than hang around the workshop all day. So L will just be fixing some wires on Brobot and suddenly there’s an annoying little clown clinging to him and watching him work. Or he’ll be looking at his tools and suddenly he’s just tackled by a giggling purple gremlin. Mr. L is very huffy about all this and he definitely doesn’t think it’s really cute no definitely not at all ahahahaha.

So yeah. TLDR: Everyone would be mostly fine. Nastasia would reveal her eyes. O’Chunks would become an Uber driver. Mimi would take an involuntary nap. Mr. L would get attacked with clown hugs. Bleck would work on his balance. And Dimentio would be a complete disaster! Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

#super paper mario #headcanon #dimentio #nastasia #spm mr l #o’chunks #mimi #spm count bleck #lmentio #count bleck #dimentio spm #spm #literally all of my ideas are just different ways to make dimentio’s life hell #im drowning in ideas help #please stfu mags we are all begging you #spm headcanon

[notsocharmingmagician]

Ok, scratch what I said about the hardest part of fusing these universes into one being MK dying all the time like a pro gamer.

The REAL hardest part is combining the two Dededes.

On one hand you have anime Dedede who isn’t valid, isn’t redeemable, and is the centerpiece of shame for all of Dreamland. But on the other hand you’ve got game Dedede who started off bad cuz he was dumb and petty and a jerk, but actually redeems himself by becoming a better king and is now the proud dad of 362628+ waddle dees and one Kirby.

Naturally, I’m inclined to banish any trace of anime Dedede from my AU, except for the fact that he’s, uh, Kind Of Very Important? To both the plot and to the characterization of like Literally Everyone Else In Dreamland.

All the characters’ hatred of anime King Dedede would be compatible with, say, a early game Dedede who’s shown to be a bit more of a self-absorbed asshole. But there’s one character who makes that a little more complicated. Escargoon. And I don’t wanna do my funky little snail man wrong. But like, how anime Dedede treats him is Very Extremely Not Redeemable Behavior, so if I want to write Dedede as a redeemable character, he is most certainly not going to be like That.

But if I cut That out, that would be cutting out an important part of Escargoon’s character. Like, as much as I love my snail boi and don’t want to hurt him, the hurty bits contribute to a very key part of his characterization. So like? How can I portray him most accurately without making Dedede the smelly trashcan man he is in the anime?

I have some ideas, but they really just aren’t sitting right.

So uh. Yeah that’s what I’m thinking about. What a lovely AU I have. Kirby But Almost Nobody Dies Except Meta Knight Cuz He’s In A Perpetual State Of Getting Himself Killed And Also Everybody Does Some Questionable Shit But They Are All Eventually Still Redeemable Except For Susie Cuz Apparently I Have Something Against Pink-Haired Secretary-Types.

#long post #I’m kinda just rambling at this point #should I make a tag for that? #imma make a tag for that heheheh #please stfu mags we are all begging you #imma add that to some of my other posts too lol #gotta maintain some semblance of consistency #kirby right back at ya #kirby au #king dedede #I just remembered I actually have a second Kirby au that is vaguely based on beauty and the beast so maybe I’ll ramble about that sometime

[notsocharmingmagician]

Trying to fuse the Kirby anime and the gameverse into one somewhat canon-compliant AU is so fuckin hard.

And then of course there are the obstacles of my rufusal to permanently kill characters and my uncontrollable need to brutally injure my faves every 10 minutes.

Oh... and there’s also the small problem of me knowing hardly anything about Kirby lore but it’s fine lol.

Honestly tho, rn the hardest part of this is making Meta Knight seem like an actually capable fighter. Cuz like rn like 70% of the established plot points I’ve got are just him almost dying for some dumb stupid reason.

Local knight may have the most braincells out of everyone in Dreamland, but he’s still a dumbass like 65% of the time.

[Edit: how the fuck did I forget to mention that this fuckin AU started off as just “Susie is evil; must destroy” but now it has grown to “Meta Knight gets his ass kicked; a life story” lmao]

#I really just wanna work on my spm fic but my brain is rotting over kirby #to be fair meta does a lot of dumb shit soooooo #mfw mirror jecra isn’t dead (yet) 👀 #also frick nightmare he’s a little garbage boy and he fucking knows it #please stfu mags we are all begging you #i dont know what im doing #kirby au #kirby right back at ya #meta knight