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less--beans · 4 years

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lihn asks: 2, 9, 14, 19, 20, 22, 27, 28, 39, 40, 47

2. Fav scenes?

can i just say the whole musical? i really want to just say the whole musical. i’ll not mention any scenes with songs, bc that’s a whole other thing, but i’ll pick a few (i said a few but it’s a lot more than that, i’m very sorry) top scenes. i’m pretty sure most ppl answer this with like 3 scenes but i’ve never been very good at picking so here, have 10. i’m going to make a list bc if i just put it all in a paragraph it would be way too long.

-i love sheila and susannah’s first actual conversation. it’s funny how nervous and awkward susannah is, and how many questions she asks and weird things she says. i love how sheila just rolls with it, answering her questions and ignoring the weirdness. francis’ little interludes are funny and it makes my heart melt when sheila goes ‘but in the good way,’ especially after seeing that susannah believes francis and everyone else when they tell her she’s weird in the bad way, and i can’t help but die when i remember that sheila is probably the first person who saw how weird susannah was and didn’t insult her or act like it was a bad thing but instead just rolled with it.

-it’s a short scene but i love when they’re teaching susannah how to smoke and she visualizes francis being torn apart. it’s the funniest thing. so short and yet so good.

-another short yet awesome scene is right before the other one, when sheila spends a solid 20-30 seconds just staring at susannah and listening to her write songs. very gay. also, in the same scene, sheila listing what she likes and then adding that susannah’s interests weren’t too bad either. her acting like she usually does and just kind of putting down the other person’s interests a little before letting her walls drop and acknowledging susannah as a person was amazing. again with the walls dropped thing is her respecting susannah’s boundaries and not demanding to know who the letter was from. we love character growth.

-yet another short scene is right before oh well when sheila’s kind of teasing her about the morse code thing and being like ‘you’re obsessed.’ it was hilarious. and then it kind of clicked in their heads with the nonsense syllables and the secret code and it was like they were finally on the same wave length. it was very very sweet.

- i loved the scene where sheila got taken to solitary. phenomenal acting. my heart broke. i’ve watched it so many times and i love looking at various reactions of the girls (judith being victorious, sheila being hurt and scared and angry, dorothy in shock and still trying to comfort others, ya-ya collasping, kitty being angry and disappointed, rat just watching concerned and scared from the sidelines) as it all goes down. it’s painful and it was such a different ending to act 1 than i thought would happen just two minutes prior, and it’s a majorly emotional scene.

-in the beginning of act 2, she’s like ‘no, this is my fault!’ and all the girls just agree with her, and then judith tells the history of harriet. i did not see her backstory coming at all. that part made me physically sick and very horrified. i didn’t necessarily like that scene, but i respect it bc of the acting, and the effect it had on me is proof that it was good. also, when kitty comes from judith and reveals that sheila took out her eye? that was the second huge revelation in the same scene and i had to pause it to process. plus, that was a sick burn. go kitty.

-the scene with kitty and susannah before masochist!! powerful, emotional, had me in tears. I adore kitty so much. some real stuff was said there, and i, as someone who is part of the lgbtq+ community, was really affected by that scene. also masochist, but again, we’re not going into songs right now. that’s a whole other thing.

-i died when the music was building up and susannah was on the steps and she was giving her whole rousing speech and she finally admitted that she loved sheila. the music stopped, susannah stopped, my heart stopped, and the girls gave a wonderfully funny fake gasp. the girls’ reactions in that scene were impeccable and so hilarious to me, and there’s of course the fact that susannah, after stumbling over her words and feelings the entire show, finally admitted out loud that she loved sheila. not only that, but she did it in front of everyone. very big character growth, plus the growth of my heart as it swelled and burst in my chest. i loved it.

-the transition of judith being like ‘there’s no way she just thinks the plumbing sucks’ to sheila loudly complaining about her hatred of the sucky plumbing was perfect. also, i can’t watch sheila’s slow realization of what’s happening without laughing. she’s such an idiot and i love her. her slamming her head into the pillow and slowly raising it up again as it sinks in? comedic genius. just the parallels of susannah being like ‘she’ll figure it out soon’ at the exact same moment sheila figures it out is amazing. judith going ‘i will happily eat my own sh-’ and then being cut off by sheila knocking back was hilarious, and kitty’s ‘do you want fries with that judith?’ was so iconic.

-them being like ‘how are we going to do this??’ in the middle of the song and everything going dark and quiet for a few seconds other than that sign of ‘four minutes and 38 seconds later’ before going ‘that’s a great plan’ was so freaking funny. we’re going to skip the moment where sheila and susannah reunite for now bc i’m probably going to make another post about it and this post is already so long. also, i love how they outlined the plan as they put it into action. it was poetic cinema. perfect execution of one of my fav tropes and i really enjoyed it.

9. Fav lighting moments?

I love the beginning transition where the lights flash and show the silhouettes of the girls, it’s so powerful. I also love the emphasis the lighting gives when it changes in the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent and also in susannah’s song reprise (basically whenever everything stops and susannah has a gay moment). the lights shining through the smoke to give the illusion of fire? amazing. that was exactly what the scene needed to take it from incredible to literal perfection. on that note, i liked the ghostly feel the lights gave as they shone through the windows once the girls were outside. lastly, i loved the lights in the end of teenage delinquent. that was a very emotional moment and the lights just added to it.

14. A major(s) character you love?

I love sheila a lot. she’s so tough and yet so sweet. i first met her and i was kind of worried about if she was going to be one of the stereotypical mean tough girls, but she managed to be strong and kind, and it’s amazing. i love how she’s a little aloof and yet totally willing to take down anyone who hurts the people she cares about. she fights asp, buzz, and even judith, all bc they hurt her family. plus, that girl’s been through a lot. i’ve made a few other posts just based on what i got from the three failed escape attempts but i really feel sad for her and all that she’s been through.

19. Fav (pre)reprise?

So we obviously have the oh well reprise when susannah is delivering the esp to sheila and that’s such an amazing one that always gets me. i’ve cried a lot at that scene. sheila smiling and trying to hide it while half-heartedly trying to get susannah to stop playing by warning her that she would get in trouble... ugh. my heart. another one that i really like, however, is when sheila and susannah first met. the pre-reprise of teenage delinquent gets me almost as much as the oh well reprise does. it’s so short, only a few lines, but we see susannah immediately fall for her. it’s so sweet and it sets everything up so perfectly, and i especially love the percussion. in the last line the drums kick in and crescendo and it’s just a masterpiece.

20. Headcanon(s) for what happens before the show?

i’m very sorry to announce that i forgot who the creator of this (if anyone knows please message me!) but some created this amazing timeline. it’s phenomenal. i’ve pretty much accepted everything on that list as canon.

22. Headcanon(s) for what happens between Teenage Delinquent and Finale?

judith definitely became a chill therapist. 100%. she keeps in touch with ya-ya and they try to arrange meetings every now and then. sometimes they see certain plays together. ya-ya went to hollywood with dorothy. she made it big in special effects, and dorothy prefers to act in smaller gigs in underground places. ya-ya helps out with dorothy’s plays sometimes. they share an apartment together. sometimes dorothy sees rat in the audience of her shows. she doesn’t question how rat knew where she’d be performing and she doesn’t question the money and cigarettes that are pushed into her hands after. she also doesn’t question it if rat ever shows up in need to stay for a few days. it happens every few months, and dorothy just makes sure there’s good food in the house and slips some money into rat’s things when she’s sleeping. kitty keeps in touch with susannah, and she attends all of susannah’s performances she can. susannah goes on tour with her band, and she could’ve sworn in their tour in hollywood she saw three familiar faces in the crowd. she’ll never know for sure though. sheila stays in mexico for a while before deciding to go back to the states. she doesn’t know what happened to francis. at the border she told him he was lucky she didn’t kill him and left on his bike, never to see him again. she traveled around the us with that bike, eventually deciding to visit hollywood. she saw a familiar name in an underground club and immediately went to the next showing available, watching with barely held back tears as dorothy starred in a play. she saw rat in the audience and ya-ya’s name credited in special effects, and she had to leave at intermission to keep herself together. she wasn’t sure how to approach them or what she would do or say, so she took off that night to keep the temptation away. she went all the way across the country to nyc, figuring it was about time she visited some old friends from mexico. she walked into a record shop to ask for directions and caught a thief stealing from the store a few minutes later. she walked in to return the record.

27. Teenage Delinquent or Revolution Song?

how am i supposed to choose?? from the moment i heard teenage delinquent pre-reprise i loved both versions. it’s such a pretty tune, and it’s so meaningful, and the emotion in it is so powerful. it makes me cry every time, and the end... wow. they’re gay and in love and i get very emotional about it. i absolutely love teenage delinquent. revolution song, however, was one of the first ones i ever heard and probably the one that made me watch the show. it’s so energetic and so great, and i cannot listen to it without wanting to start my own rebellion and take down some terrible patriarchal system. it’s constantly in my head and it’s so catchy and fun. plus, i love watching it in the show, and the girls throwing things and burning down the building is one of my fav things. i love both of these songs so much and i physically can’t choose which one is my favorite.

28. Something you like/have noticed about the show that you haven’t seen anyone else mention yet?

both of these things are only briefly mentioned in the show but i’ve still never seen anyone talk about them. this show takes place over the span of only 17 days (excluding the finale, obviously). in the beginning, when susannah had just arrived, asp got the call about the interview and she mentioned it being in 17 days. a lot happened in 17 days, especially since they were locked up for 8 of them. all of the events of act 1 took place over 9 days at most, and probably less, bc we know sheila didn’t respond right away in solitary and we’re not sure of how much time passed until she did. that feels like such a short time span to me. another thing is that they’re on the fifth floor. i don’t know why this stood out to me, but it’s probably something to do with the fire. they would have lit the fire and gotten out really quickly. i feel like imagining them on the first or second floor is different than imagining them on the fifth floor for some reason, and i just felt like pointing it out.

39. What got you interested in LIHN?

I was bored in between classes and so i watched a random youtube video of musical clips. there were three clips of lihn in there, and they interested me enough that i watched the entire musical a few days later. i immediately fell in love and i’ve watched it almost every day since.

40. What does LIHN mean to you?

love in hate nation means so much to me. i absolutely love this show. there’s so much to think about and so much to build on. musicals are amazing bc there’s choreography and lighting and lyrics and sets and so many things with hundreds of little hidden messages, and deciphering potential meanings for those messages is so fun. this show is no different. there’s so many things to analyse, and it’s such a good show that i want to analyse everything about it. i can’t put into words how much i love this show. just know it’s a lot.

47. A single wish for the future of the show?

it says a single wish, but i have three, so i’m going to list them all. if i could only have one it would for sure be the first one. first and foremost, i want a cast album. goodness gracious, i want a cast album. so bad. second, i really want this to get to broadway. more people need to know about this show. it’s so good and it’s worth everything. i want this to get big. third, i believe joe posted something about a potential proshoot? i could be wrong but that would be amazing to have.

my grammar is terrible and this is so much longer than it should’ve been, so i’m sorry about that. thank you so much for asking!! it was really fun to answer these. if anyone wants to ask more questions, the link to the asks is here

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ashandboneca · 5 years

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Stories from the Bookshop

This post is inspired by my iTunes library, who decided tonight was the night, after years and years, to play the Best of Pagan Song.

Once upon a time, I worked in an occult/pagan bookstore. I spent a little over 7 years there, and were they still open, I would likely still be there.

I was hired when I was 25, and when I was 27 I was promoted to assistant manager. It was owned by a mother/daughter team. A lot of people talk about terrible retail jobs, talk about how much they hated their bosses and the customers, how boring it was, etc. Even people who worked at the same job prior warned me - the owners were mean and unreasonable, the job sucked, it was miserable.

I honestly cannot say this is the truth for me. I actively loved my job. I took a lot of pride in what I did. I got along well with my bosses - they were a particular sort, but so is everyone, and so was I. They seemed to value me. They took my ideas and implemented them, they supported me when I wanted to spread my wings, and they trusted me.

Mostly, I viewed what I did as a service. I gave advice and recommendations, I listened to people’s needs. I got to know people, and got to know about their lives and their problems, and I actually cared a lot for the people I was helping. While my job was to sell, I didn’t recommend anything to someone that they didn’t need. I didn’t upsell. I didn’t cajole people into buying things they didn’t need. I acted as a resource, and encouraged people to educate themselves so they were better armed for their next visit. I dealt with prison chaplains who wanted us to fulfill orders and give recommendations for their incarcerated pagans, and sometimes spoke to prisoners over the phone to advise and build orders.

That said, there’s always a few who cross the line. These are their stories, based on my recollection. Don’t be these people.

- There was the suave motherfucker, who tried to pick up on every woman younger than him. He was a handsome man, with Ted Bundy charisma. He’d walk around the corner of the stone area, and try to ‘run into’ his target. He’d do some bullshit PUA move to secure the woman’s Facebook info. He marketed himself as some kind of spiritual guru, but he always pissed all of us off. His particular brand of bullshit was super obvious to us veterans of festivals and public ritual. We constantly tried to run interference. My boss was savage, she would just walk up to the woman and him and tell him she didn’t want to talk to him, and maybe he should go finalize his (usually very small or non-existent) purchase. So many people got taken in my him. I don’t know what ever happened to him.

- There was the blind man who sexually harassed me, who was so taken with the sound of my voice over the phone that he told me (someone half his age) that he would like to ride me, and test my strength. He then would come in to buy his herbs and ask for me. Since he only knew my voice, I would hide in the back, and my boss would tell him I was gone for the day. He came in to ask for my schedule so he could come back and see if I was interested. I used to see him on the bus, but he never noticed me.

- There was the man who, seeing I was wearing a metal T-shirt, advised me that wearing that meant I wanted him to bend me over and fuck me in the ass. I kicked his ass out and banned him. Fuck off.

- There was the woman who borderline stalked all of the staff on Facebook. She would send friend requests once a week. I eventually had to block her, because it got borderline creepy.

- There was the man who advised me loudly that Beltane was a German holiday, and that they still sacrificed people to the fires. Really, sir? I’m pretty sure if Gunther or Hedwig didn’t come home from the Beltane fires, that would be in the news.

- There was the woman, who on my third day on the job, told me that prior to chakra therapy she had a lot of vaginal dryness, but now she’s just gushing. All the time. And she went into great detail. Madam, I don’t recall the M.D after my name. I don’t need the wet, slick details. I work in a bookstore, not a gyno office.

- There was the woman who sang all the time. ALL. THE TIME. She would go around, and regardless of what was going on, she would sing. Loudly. Sometimes she would add interpretive dance. I get being taken in by the energy of a place, but there is a time and place. Don’t perform your ecstatic dance in the middle of my store, because it’s rude to all the people who came into the store not expecting your energy radiating all over the damn place. Plus, there are tarot readings going on at the back. Keep it down!

- There was the woman, who was the head of a local pagan group, asking if she could pay for prominent placement on our cork board of events, for her group’s ritual. She would constantly kick a stink up if we didn’t put it up in the middle of the board, regardless of what was there (including our own classes and events). My boss was flabbergasted. She also came in and allowed her small child to run around unchecked. She drove me fucking nuts. The woman turned out to be a massive white supremacist, so I don’t feel bad for often placing her flyer passive-aggressively at the bottom of the wall in the overflow area.

- Lastly, there was the large family of 1 mother and 7 children who came in. They started handling the fragile things, even with multiple signs up asking to ask for assistance. When I asked her not to allow the children to handle the fragile items as they may break, she stopped in place. She very slowly turned toward me, looking startled, and replied that I had now said it, so I would be at fault for it happening. Uh wut. Hard nope, lady. Eventually had to ask her to leave.

Retail workers in your local shops are generally not the following: doctors, therapists, probation officers, babysitters, libraries, or lawyers. Please behave like an adult. While generally alternative spirituality leads to alternative customers, it’s not an excuse to behave as strangely, abusively, or creepily as possible. Just don’t. Proprietors are often small business owners and often overworked. They barely have time to respond to emails, they are not in it for your bullshit.

There are more stories, of course. There were bad coworkers. The coworker who was legit unbalanced, tried to get me fired (backfired, as I was not fucking unbalanced) and left her husband and child to be with her online lover. The one who tried to start a shitload of drama and then quit via text message. The one who tried to constantly smack talk another worker so she would get more shifts (which didn’t work). The cranky tarot reader who got mad at me when I had a cold. The crazy reader who lost her shit at me on the phone, tried to get me fired, and then called in sick all the time at the last minute.

There were also great stories; the dedicated workers we did have who put their heart and soul into what amounted to a retail job. The weekly customers who were a joy to talk to. The readers who had their regular customers. The joy expressed by so so many people at the shop’s very existence. The satisfaction I felt every single time someone told me I had helped them or made a difference.That is what made the job worth it.

#ash and bone #ashandbone.ca #witchcraft #traditional witchcraft #heathenry #the crooked path

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lysieblu · 4 years

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When the Camellia Blooms

So I decided to do commentary this time. I usually have a lot to say when wacthing dramas but forget it all quickly.

Mild Spoilers Ahead

I’ve renamed the characters because auto-correct sucks if your first language isn’t Korean.

Oh Dong-Baek - Dongbaek

Hwang Yong-sik - Smiley

Choi Hyang-mi / Choi Go-eun - Clepto Waitress

No Gyu-tae - Tae or Gyu-tae

Hong Ja-young - Baseball, baseball dude

Jo Jung-sook, Dongbaek’s mom - Mama bear

Deok-soon, Yong-sik’s mom - Ma dukes

Why is it that society can take anything and make it a reason to put others down. Humans ain't shit. Episode 6 “Girls like me are like the Emperor's New Clothes... Good guys cants see me.” Best quote of the whole drama so far. Clepto waitress, I love her. She was weird and I wasn't sure if she was playing old dude, Tae. But she was and kinda genius at it. Men help create the traps they get caught in. Is Dongbaek really going to die in the end because it really sucks as this sad girl narrative goes. Being an orphan and or single mom does not doom you. The society in which she lived did. She was a fighter and would always win. The fact that she made it so far in life despite believing the bs others were telling her and the shit she was telling herself is worthy of praise. Episode 7 Smart girl to keep a tab of bad behavior. I just wish she had a bit more confidence, petty, and bad bitch in her delivery. This self deprecating behavior is getting old now. But this kind of behavior can't be unlearned in a night. It's so frustrating. This is why I can't be a therapist. Get a grip bitch. (kidding I know how healing works) all you can really do is pour in the positive and hope it flushes out the negative. That's why smiley is good for her but God he's annoying. He may be good and all but he had def benefited from her lack of boundaries. The dead girl at the end is the Clepto waitress. She stole the bracelet from Dongbaek and thus why the dead body is wearing it. Go Gye-tae has something to do with the murders. He is too punk to do them himself. But he knows and is close to the murderer. The timing of the alarm at the aesticians office. Tae saved her I think it's the handy man. Episode 8 Chief is looking really suspect. Clepto waitress has crossed the line to disrespectful. Is she really risking hurting Dongbaek to get baseball dude? I think extortion always been her MO. Mom was referring to her when she said watch who you trust. I don't think she's the killer but bitch is not innocent. Episode 9 I hate bitches. It's true that for some people who never grew the fuck up... Hate is their love language. Cliques need a common enemy to thrive and they are weak as fuck. It doesn’t help that Dongbaek never puts them in their place. Me and Dongbaek are the same age and had our kid about the same time. I don't think the killer is female. Unless that bitch is Ronda Rousey I would like to believe I can fight off a bitch with chicken wire. Chief is looking suspect as hell. Why is he always throwing Smiley off the track or avoiding the case. He knows something. I am by no means taking baseball guys side, however I do feel that both parents should be given the opportunity to be parents to their kid. It's unfair to not tell him about his child when he clearly wants to be a father. The scar can go both ways. You son can resent you for keeping this from his father. Pil clearly knows what's up. Dongbaek is growing up. In a way, this is a death flag. But I still don't believe it's her. Episode 10 There isn't a cloud in the sky. They are walking around without coats. And you expect me to believe that it's cold enough for snow. I still feel like Joker isn't a female but her mom is looking hella suspect. What if the connection between all the victims is Dongbaek. Maybe they somehow did her wrong and crazy momma bear was protecting her. But I really can't see her climbing out of a window. Plus the fire alarm. Trust no one. A lot of people have said the "don't be a joke" line. I called it. That ending was more of a death red flag. So the dead lady is Clepto waitress. She probably died because she obviously owes debts. Dude in hair salon was creepy. But that is separate from joker. I know this goofy mug. I've seen it somewhere (Googling it) ah.. yes... Mr Smiley was in Midnight Runners, playing a cop there too if I remember correctly. Episode 11 A bunch of elementary school kids fighting over baseball. Me yelling at my TV: GET EM!!! Let me tell y'all. I would have been on that field lighting shit up, whipping everyone's ass. Little boy go get yo momma so she can get your ass beating. 😡 Chief is acting wonky. He knows something. What's with the mom? She seems so protective... Now? What about her dad? What if Dongbaek's parents are some crazy con artists who are protecting their daughter by killing off people who conned her? They are basically trying to tell her to "get a grip bitch!" Or "don't be a joke." And did you see her grab the belt and wrap around her fist? She knows what the fuck she's doing. (I want her on my team in a fight) Why is Dongbaek not questioning her lucidity? 🤔 Clepto waitress is the childhood friend.?!. 🤨 IT WAS THE FUCKING HANDYMAN!!! I CALLED IT!!! 🥳🙌🏾👏🏾 Yass bitches. I'm fucking brilliant. Hold on... let's not get ahead of ourselves. Episode 12 This shit just became an episode of 24 “Why try to live so hard?” Because if I live up to the narrative people create for me based on some societal BS explanation, they win. They can say, "see I told you all _______ are _______." Fuck your prejudices and stereotypes. The last thing I want to do is prove some asshole right. So many people want her dead they are trying to confuse me. Who the fuck is the joker?? Handy man's dad? Is he even alive? And this lack of boundaries is killing me. Dongbaek needs to put both those men in their place. Baseball needs to know he has no legal rights, period, if his name is not on the birth certificate. It would be the kids decision as to what his relationship with his dad is. She also needs to tell Smiley to get a fucking grip and that dealing with Baseball is part of being with her. These situations can coexist and it's frustrating to think otherwise. Mom dukes needs to chill. Her son has to make his own decisions and fuck-ups and she cannot fault Dongbaek for that. Life is hard, regardless. If it ain't this, it would be something else. Who lives an easy life?? Challenges build character. And I get it some things you can avoid. But they are grown in their 30s, who at this point does not come with baggage? And fuck you for trying to make me cry. I'm at work Episode 13 Is momma bear on drugs? Her behavior isn't totally out of the ordinary but maybe she goes away to trip and comes back. Lawd we all gon die together😮 They are teasing this story line so hard. IDK who the joker is. I'ma stick to the handy man but everyone in this story is guilty of something and really it's like matching the crime to the person or the person to the crime. Who killed Clepto? Was it her enemies or the joker? What momma bear is up to? Who's the joker? Is the joker and cleptos killer the same person? What's handy mans deal? Out of all of clepto's enemies, I believe the only ones capable of killing her are Mr. Pimp, Jessica because she's desperate, or Momma bear because she's protecting Dongbaek. In which case, her death is separate from the Joker's killings. Episode 14 You think Smiley's mom may be jealous because no one took an interest in her with three kids? Hold... The ... Fucking.... Phone... It's handy man's dad??? Behind every weak man is a mother (parental figure) who never held him accountable. I'm tired of grown people not acting like they are grown, kiss and have sex already... Damn. Oh so now they were meant to be? And did Momma bear really come for a kidney? Episode 15 There is a such thing as too much motherly love. This lady is fucking delusional. Her son has always been the type to run towards trouble. Does she really think his life would be easier without Dongbaek? Really? Go-tae is cleared. He was guilty but his crime is gambling. Jessica hit clepto with her car but someone delivered the final blow. Was it Momma bear? Or joker? I think Chief is cleared too. He was just operating out of fear. So hold up. Momma bear has been watching over Dongbaek her whole life. If Momma bear is lurking in the shadows of course she would run into someone else lurking in the shadows. Bitch. Episode 16 Laugh cry? Jesus Christ Dongbaek is stupid. A abandoned mall. Really? She's like a white chick in a horror movie. No don't go in there. Run bitch. 😔 Always take the fucking stairs. I can't. If she falls, I quit. Episode 17 They look like the fucking Power Rangers and I AM LIVING for this movement. Ordering me a track suit on payday. He gets it. He fucking gets it. "I know I made you be a mother when you wanted to just be a woman" 🥳 "We'll not only feed him, we'll wipe his ass if we have to" My bitch. 😂😂😂 If this shit ends with Pil going with his father, I quit. People and situations can peacefully coexist. What's with this all or nothing attitude? And this discarding of a previous family or kids. I see it a lot in these dramas and it's disturbing. Episode 18 Pil's in for a rude awakening but it's a lesson that his mom can't protect him from. His dad may have nice things, but he ain't shit. He'll be back. Damn even your kid thinks your weak. Or is he being mean? He did it for his mom. Funny.. he's assuming what she wants. Did she ever say that she couldn't marry Smiley because of him? Did Smiley say it? That Ma Dukes said it and it's unfortunate. He's too young to realize which opinions matter Society sucks for making a kid feel this way. Fuck that shit. It just hit me. One of the underlying themes of this drama is parenthood, more so motherhood. Dongbaek lacked boundaries, even with her son. Smiley's mom is delusional about her son and life in general. She relied on him too much, babied him too much. I don't think any woman would not have been good enough in the long run. The guilt of his father dying, she blames herself, a burden she should have never had to bare, and never fully healed. She projecting that onto Dongbaek. Dongbaek's mom is seeking redemption. She did what she thought was best for her kid. Jessica's mom put up with an asshole for the sake of everyone else and probably to maintain her life. She's learning that she doesn't want that for Jessica. That her own insecuries have transferred to her. Taeks mom is selfish as fuck and babied her son, never holding him accountable. Mother's think they know what's right for their kid, but a nice life from the outside doesn't guarantee a nice life from the inside. That nice lawyer could have treated your daughter like a slave. But it all looks nice to the neighbors. People have got to let "perceptions" go. Most of the time people with the "worst" past have the best character. The issue with it all is.. most mother's define themselves by their kids or husbands. Korea does it very literally. Then, when it all goes away; your kid grows up, your husband may die or leave, what's left of you? Who are you? Women are incouraged to be everything for everyone else but nothing for themselves. When we do, we are made to feel guilty or less than for it. Dongbaek needs to be away from him for while. How this is happening sucks but both of them have lessons to learn. If they don't live happily ever after I have wasted my 20 hours of my life. This is utter bullshit. I hope they're fucking with me. Episode 19 This would have played out differently if she had a daughter. This is literally why fuck boys are running amuck these days. Moms who use their sons (sometimes daughters) as substitutes for men and adult relationships. Boundaries. To love your dad so much even though he is a killer is unhealthy. Sik needs psyhological help. It sends the wrong message that you need to or have to take you parents (family members) bs just because they are parents (or family.) In hindsight, a red flag. I don't want Dongbaek to be a match. I don't want her to give her kidney. I don't like the idea of someone younger giving someone older an organ. Once you've passed 50 you have lived your life. The donor should be the same age or older and preferably on their death beds. Especially in Dongbaek's case. What if something goes wrong and Pil looses his mother and grandmother? You going to let that man-child raise him? I would never be okay with taking any organ from my kid. Episode 20 So it was the handy man? I was right bitches. And his dad is covering for him. Wow let it be known that Episode 7 I called it! He was framing his dad and playing everybody. Why didn't he kill Ma tho? Loving people and being kind-hearted is so fucking easy. Why do humans make it so hard?? I know these dramas are fiction but someone somewhere has lived a similar life. Where the fuck would I be if I didn't have an awesome mom and a loving family? Ongson feels like Stars Hollow. Them pants are rather high-waisted. That ended well. It had important lessons that I hoped someone learned from. Good story. Why I suspected the handy man? It's usually the character that can easily go unnoticed. He has access to the whole town, knew everyone and smart enough to cover his tracks. Everyone else was too obvious but the story did a great job of making me doubt my initial suspicion. Bravo. Low key miss clepto waitress. When she wasn't being a extortionist, she was a fun character.

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lindafrancois · 3 years

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The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!)

Today we’re going to tell you exactly how to restart your fitness journey.

Whether this is the first time you’ve had to “respawn” or the 50th, you’re in the right place.

We help folks restart their exercise or nutrition routines as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program…and we’re really freaking good at it! Today, we’ll share with you the same strategies we deploy with them.

This time can be different. Learn how a NF Coach can help.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

Restarting Step 1: Forgive Yourself

Restarting Step 2: What Went Wrong?

Restarting Step 3: Change a Variable

Restarting Step 4: Respawn

Restarting Step 5: Supercharge Your Results

Get Back in the Fight (Next Steps)

Let’s do this.

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

So you fell off the wagon already.

Welcome to the club.

It’s called “being human!”

There are like 7 billion of us.

So how did I know you probably fell off the fitness wagon already?

Because statistically speaking, MOST people have already abandoned or missed out on a lot of the resolutions they’ve set for 2021.[1] Seriously.

However, have no fear. Since we treat life as a videogame around these parts, we’re all very comfortable with restarting or “respawning.”

First, we must…

STEP 1: FORGIVE YOURSELF

I heard a podcast interview recently about a man who had made a huge realization through seeing a therapist.

Specifically, their therapist asked them “Would you talk to somebody the way you talk to yourself?”

I bet the answer is a RESOUNDING “No.”

Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.

We’re often our own worst critic and our own worst enemy:

Do you know that voice in your head, that one calling you a loser or a failure?

Treat it like a different person.

You’re under no obligation to listen to it! It’s not you.

“Oh you think I’m a piece of s** and that’s why I can’t stick with a workout routine? I disagree strongly. I might have some faults, but I’m here, and I’m still trying. So shut up and get out of my way.”

You’re reading this, which means you’re trying. Forgive yourself. Then move on.

STEP 2: ASK WHAT WENT WRONG?

Your goal of working out 2 hours a day and only eating Keto failed after three weeks.

Congratulations!

You conducted an experiment that did not have the results you expected.

That’s neither a good nor a bad thing. Like any other experiment, it just… IS.

So write down specifically what your experiment entailed.

What did you try to do?

I was going to exercise every day.

I was going to run a mile each morning.

I was going to eat strictly Paleo every day.

Look at your list: this is a combination of variables that don’t work for your lifestyle.

SIDENOTE: Learning from the millions of people that have come through Nerd Fitness over the past decade, my guess is that your experiment didn’t work out for one of two reasons:

Your goals were too vague: “I should exercise more this year” – For how long? How often? What kind of exercise?

You tried to change ALL the things: eat 1,800 calories a day (instead of your normal 3,000), go running 5 days a week (when you don’t exercise at all now), and get 8 hours of sleep a night (normally you get 5).

STEP 3: CHANGE A VARIABLE IN YOUR EXPERIMENT

You’re reading this guide, which would lead me to believe you’re interested in trying again to lose weight and get in shape.

To avoid getting the same results, we need to change the variables in the experiment to try and get different results.

You know…

For your next attempt consider adjusting one of the following variables.

Remember, any good experiment has accurate measurements for their changing factors! You don’t just put “some uranium” in a nuclear reactor. You know the exact amount.

We need to be exact with your variables.

Let me give you some suggestions:

Change the exercise variable: Did you actually enjoy the exercise you attempted? If you discovered that you hate running, great! Never do that again. “Exercise sucks,” so I would pick something you actually enjoy.

Try a substitution rather than addition: ADDING a brand new exercise routine into a busy schedule can be really challenging. Fortunately, you can focus on substituting or adding in a way that doesn’t take up more time: nutrition! How you eat is 80-90% of the weight-loss equation, and you’re already eating every day. So focus on substituting a vegetable for fries once a week, or swapping sparkling water for soda. You can also keep a food journal and change up your breakfast twice a week.

Adjust your “win scenario”: I get it. You were able to train in your home gym for the first few weeks of this year, going for at least an hour. But THEN…work got busy. And you only had 30 minutes, which wasn’t enough time to get through your workout. So why not set the win scenario at “30 minutes,” or “15 minutes,” or just “1 exercise”? Lower the bar!

This is a 10-year journey we’re on here, so the exercise itself is not nearly as important as building a routine of working out that fits into your life. Lower the bar for what a “win” scenario is.

Example: if you roll out your yoga mat for 1 set of 1 exercise, it counts as a win. Doesn’t matter if did a full hour workout or just a 5 minute set of push-ups. It all counts.

STEP 4: RESPAWN, GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

When you play a challenging video game, you’re going to die. A lot. (I died literally thousands when playing Hollow Knight, one of my favorite games in recent memory).

What happens after you die in a game?

You respawn, and try again!

You’ve learned a new tactic or pattern. You have a new technique. You’ve uncovered a secret. Or you’ve just gotten better. So you try, again.

And again.

And when you finally succeed?

Nirvana. Adulation. Pure joy.

There’s no shame in failing when it comes to weight loss. We have hundreds of stories of people who kept failing, but kept reading and trying, and then finally – something clicked.

And that next attempt is the one that changed their life’s path. Like Joe, who made like a dozen weight-loss attempt until he changed the right variable and got results:

So try again today.

Keep these things in mind when restarting your fitness journey:

Change your nutrition variable – try calorie counting instead of Paleo or vice versa.

Change your workout variable – try strength training instead of running.

Focus on building the routine by making the ‘win scenario’ super small.

Write down your plan, and start executing.

STEP 5: SUPERCHARGE YOUR RESULTS

I know hacking your experiments to get better data isn’t exactly “scientifically smart” or “morally responsible,” but I’m the one writing this email and I have more important stuff to say. So you’re just gonna have to deal with it.

Once you start your new experiment, here’s how you can stack the deck in your favor:

#1) Write everything down. Write down your workouts. Write down what you eat. Treat it like a science experiment, and you’re collecting data! Plan ahead. Be PRO-active (“I will do Strength Training Workout A at 4pm and tonight I’ll have roasted chicken and bacon-wrapped asparagus) instead of RE-active (“What should I do for exercise right now?” and “Ah, what’s for dinner? Oooh, Burger King!”)

#2) Recruit allies to your team. Don’t go this alone, as you’re more likely to succeed based on the people you spend time with and hang around. So recruit allies. Start spending more time with healthy people that empower you (even virtually), rather than unhealthy people that enable you and drag you down. Join a running group online. Find a lifting “accountabilibuddy,” or someone you can check in with.

#3) Hire a professional. There are two types of coaches worth the investment:

An in-person trainer if you are looking to supercharge your form on specific exercises like Olympic lifts, squats, deadlifts, etc. An in-person trainer can be good for people that need the accountability of somebody they’ve paid to meet them in the gym. Although to be honest, with the ongoing pandemic, gym availability and safety can be hit or miss.

An online coach that represents mobile, worldwide accountability. I’ve had a coach for 6 years and it’s changed my life. Knowing that I have a workout and nutrition strategy to follow each day is game-changing.

GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

An old mandrill named Rafiki once taught me: “Yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.”

Okay maybe he taught that to Simba in The Lion King, but I too learned the same lesson:

TO RECAP:

Forgive yourself. You wouldn’t talk to somebody else the way you talk to yourself, so have some freaking compassion. You’re trying.

Identify what experiment you JUST tried. Write down what you believe went wrong over the past few weeks. Congrats – you found a strategy that doesn’t work.

Pick a new path, try a different variable. A good scientist meticulously tracks their data and writes down their hypothesis. I would change one of the following:

Exercise: do less – focus on building the routine and doing it consistently.

Nutrition: change less. If you couldn’t stick with a diet for 3 weeks, it was too restrictive. Try a different path.

Win scenario: don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good.”

And then try again.

If you want help here, I have two perfect ways to respawn today.

#1) If you want step-by-step guidance on how to lose weight, eat better, and get stronger, check out our killer 1-on-1 coaching program.

Many of our clients kept respawning for years, and it was only when working with a trained professional that they finally learned how to maintain progress.

Our Coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!

#2) If you want an exact blueprint for getting in shape, check out NF Journey. Our fun habit-building app helps you exercise more frequently, eat healthier, and level up your life (literally).

Plus, there’s a nice shiny button you can press so you can respawn in our app whenever you want! No judgement, restart whenever.

Try your free trial right here:

Alright, that does it for me today.

For the Rebellion!

-Steve

PS: If you want more tips and tricks on how to stick to your goals this year, check out 5 Hacks to Effortlessly Build Healthy Habits in 2021.

###

Photo Citation: Oh My Goodness! Shut Me Down, The Iron Giant, “Hello, old friend. Is he ready for me?”, Happy Halloween!!, At the blacksmith’s (Part 2), Medieval Blacksmith

Footnotes ( returns to text)

Forbes has a pretty good look at this.

The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

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zzzoloft · 5 years

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Body Acceptance(?)

TW: Diet talk; Clothing Size

*Also a disclaimer to acknowledge my privilege as a small-fat person, and my ability to shop at the clothes offered at Target.*

I’ve been in dire need of some new clothes, but I’ve been in such a strange phase with my body.

About a year or so ago, my therapist started to slowly mention things to me like Intuitive Eating (IE) and Health at Every Size (HAES). Now I wonder how hard she had to hold back her eye-rolling while I ventured through months of off-and-on keto, excessive exercise plans, and then intermittent fasting. Not to mention all of the fatphobic language I used in reference to myself, and how much I based my life around what size of pants I could button over my belly in the sad and dusty fitting room of H&M.

I bought the Intuitive Eating book. I started it and never finished it, putting it aside for another time. Even so, I’ve tried to incorporate the principles in my own way - eat what I like, when I want, including times when I may not be physically hungry, since eating is a common method to self-soothe. Stop labeling foods as good and bad, let my body choose, and stop making food a moral issue.

That’s been relatively easy for me, considering I have yoyo’d back and forth between major restricting paired with exhausting workouts, then back to the Fuck-It Diet and cocooning in blankets for months at a time. When I wasn’t dieting, I loved food and trying new foods. One of my favorite things is the novelty of walking into a new bakery or cafe and trying a drink or pastry I’ve never heard of before. I’ve also had a pretty big issue with binge-eating and even eating out of guilt or responsibility to the person who made the food - which resulted in eating things I didn’t even like. The same goes for dieting. I ate so many foods that made me feel bad or sick, for weeks and months on end, because it was supposed to be “good” for me. It’s to the point where I can be grocery shopping and realize I’m buying the “healthy” version of something - a version I don’t even ENJOY, or I’m buying a food or a quantity of a certain food, just because I find it filling and I want to feel stuffed, which I associated with feeling “better” for so long. (I am not saying I never binge-eat. Part of Intuitive Eating is accepting that binge-eating is a very valid coping mechanism when we are feeling low or exhausted.)

In addition to the Intuitive Eating, I’ve been listening to/reading Fat Activism content, pinning Plus Size models on my Pinterest as well as following them on Instagram, because I’ve been idolizing fae-like thin girls who have never been and may never be, in a body like mine - and that goes both ways. I came out of the womb two years after my sister, with already thicker thighs. Honestly, this lead to a lot of jealousy in my younger years, and a lot of self hatred. “Clearly we have the same GENES, why am I the ‘bad’ one? It must be all my fault.” Unfortunately the message of guilt, shame and inferiority were ingrained with comments from family, friends, society at large. Granted my mother was pre-diabetic when she was carrying me, and I grew up loving all foods while my sister was a picky eater in her young years. As adults, my sister and I talked about how it seems like I grow muscle a lot faster, while she dedicated a lot of time (and joy) in a weight-lifting regimen. Maybe these things are true, maybe it’s all conditional. But despite life’s changes, we’ve stayed in our relative body shapes and sizes. The inferiority due to my size was so internalized that deep down I still wonder when I’m going to start secretly restricting again and/or over-exercising, so that I can pretend to accept myself while still assimilating. If other people commit their lives to counting their (and everyone else’s) calories, well, then I owe that to the world or I don’t deserve happiness, respect, sexual satisfaction, inclusion, and so many things denied to fat women and fat people in general. I have to shrink to fit through the metaphorical threshold into a life where I get the privileges of small-bodied women, a world where I know I’m better treated, because I shrank myself before and every interaction changed. If I could just do it a little more this time, I could be “one of those girls” - the cool girls, the pretty girls, the seemingly effortlessly likable girls. The girls that make men feel strong and masculine. The girls I always fear should be replacing me at any moment.

Because of the yoyo-ing, and because I’m still in the Fuck-It part of Intuitive Eating (eating ALL THE THINGS that I told myself were off limits or bad) I’m not even sure what my natural size is. I’ve been putting off clothes shopping, but my stomach issues cause me pain every day, and after lunch, I become so bloated that my pants and leggings, however stretchy, become so tight and begin digging into my stomach. I end up literally counting the minutes until work is over so I can go home and take off my fucking pants. As a big girl, I’ve learned that I prefer wearing tight clothes over hiding my shape. I thought it to be more “flattering” in the common meaning - making me look smaller than drape-y tops and dresses typically marketed to fat women so they could better shield themselves from ridicule by literally hiding themselves - another thing I’ve spent far too much time doing. It’s been a several-month-long internal dilemma - can I keep wearing “cute” clothes, or do I HAVE to get things that don’t suck in my thighs and stomach fat so that I can feel physically comfortable?

Honestly, I’m not fully convinced of the latter part yet. I couldn’t convince myself that saving myself from physical pain might be more important than hiding my stomach or slimming myself, because honestly, there are still some parts of me that I literally fear showing. It’s like having even more “private parts” to be in a culture that is so fatphobic. I can keep hitting like and drooling at all of the fat babes on my instagram feed, but god forbid I myself step out of the house with VBO (visible belly outline), or not smoothing out my cellulite and lower belly with some good ol’ tights!! It even feels vulnerable to admit those things, not that I think I’m fooling anyone, but just the fact that I try so hard to the point my internal organs are probably out of place from all of the compressing I put them through. I’m still assimilating like this.

Yesterday I went to Target, preparing myself that if a size doesn’t fit or look good, I don’t have to say “fuck that” - I can grab the next size up. As a teen I was most likely having panic attacks every time I had to shop in the plus-size section of a store. I squeezed and fell out of my straight-sized clothes because it saved me the shame of needing accommodation, the shame of otherness associated with shopping in different stores or sections than my classmates and my sister. I don’t recall how my mother felt, as a larger woman who from what I remembered said only mean things about her own body and was constantly trying new diets, but I felt she was ashamed in having to be there with me as well. Maybe this was just how I felt, since her clothes always fit her body, which shows she must have been shopping for her size, which wasn’t straight. Maybe culturally it seemed okay for a mom in her 40s to shop at Lane Bryant and the like, but unacceptable - a shameful failure on her and my part - to JUST make me, a kid, “normal”.

When shopping yesterday, I filled my cart with clothes all around the 12-16 range, and prepared myself to know that although that was my range before, it may be different now, it may be larger. I’ve stopped weighing myself so it really could be anywhere. Size 16 is when I used to tell myself ‘no’ and leave the store upset. I couldn’t accept my size, I couldn’t accept a stupid fucking number because culturally it determined my worth as a woman. Among all of the other stumbling blocks in my life, there was this one giant failure I always felt looming over my head that seemed to matter most in social interactions, job interviews, at school - my body size - and all of the connotations made from it.

On top of finding a ton of cute clothes to try, the dressing room attendant helped me carry them all into the fitting room, and informed me there was no item limit - BLESSED, amirite?! (I even met a nice tatted up mom with her small baby who complimented the earrings I had picked out when I apologized for thinking she was the attendant and talking to her as-so, out of the corner of my eye. She was straight-sized and told me she had a hard day of clothes-trying-on, because she didn’t know what she liked anymore. I told her I am about to turn 30 and I completely understand. Do I still like my ripped tights, booty shorts, and crop tops? Do I want to look like a snazzy bitch in a blazer and heels now?! It’s always validating to me when a thin women talks about similar issues. It’s not just me hating trying on clothes. That was a missed connection, so if you know her - get me in touch!) I despise trying on clothes, I get all sweaty and my throat starts to hurt and I seem to get all of my phonecalls and texts while I’m trying to get myself through the daunting task of zippers, buttons, turning shit right-side out, trying different combinations of clothes, and hanging them all back up in the right direction for the store employees since I’m not a heathen.

I found far too many choices for my budget, I had a huge “YES” pile, an even bigger “Maybe/Different size?!” pile, and just a few items in my “Ew/Yuck/Why is this a fabric?!” pile. The biggest change of all for me was that I put comfort first. I don’t care if my ass looked nice, if my romper made me look a few months pregnant, if a dress was cinched right at the waist to highlight my thinnest area on my body. I twirled in the dresses and strutted around in the pants, imagining and acting out scenarios from sunlight and day-drinking to sitting at my desk at the end of the day, and made sure each choice held up. And I managed to find too many items to afford, but enough to get me moving forward toward a life of accepting my body in the range it tends to buoy around, rather than the body I have when I’m treating myself like a prisoner.

This was one huge step in the right direction, and I can’t wait to appear in clothes that fit me, rather than clothes that mold me.

#haes #fat acceptance

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simonesamuels · 7 years

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I had a major epiphany last week. Are you ready for it?

It’s not you.

It’s not me.

I am actually not necessarily the cause of all of my problems.

Some of you probably just read that and thought “duh,” but this was an earth-shattering, ground-breaking revelation for me.

I know I wrote about something similar in a recent post, but I felt like I had to reiterate it again. I think it bears repeating.

It’s not you. And it’s actually not me.

I can be very hard on myself. When I look the great pervasive (read: utterly baffling to the point that they keep me up at night and have me crying in my journal) questions of my life (Why am I single? Why don’t I lose weight? Why aren’t my Zumba classes growing? Why did I fail the bar? Why? Why? Why?!!!!), the answers I come up with have historically been rooted in finding something deeply and desperately wrong with me (You’re not pretty enough. You’re too picky. You’re too religious. You’re too self-sufficient. You’re not interesting enough. You’re not fit enough. You need to eat better. You’re not doing enough strength training. You’re slow. You’re too fat. You sometimes act like a know-it-all. You lack discipline. You didn’t study hard enough. You didn’t pray hard enough. You didn’t trust God enough. You didn’t have enough faith. You trusted God too much and didn’t work hard enough. You misunderstood or misapplied some sort of discrete, obscure Biblical teaching. Your class is too hard. Your teaching style sucks. You’re hard to follow. You’re not fun. They don’t like your music.).

(Side note: I realize that half all of these are “lies!” *Tamar voice*)

(God I miss having Tamar on “The Real”. Oh the lies we tell ourselves. But I digress…)

“Yourself to Blame”

If things go bad for you And make you a bit ashamed Often you will find out that You have yourself to blame

Swiftly we ran to mischief And then the bad luck came Why do we fault others? We have ourselves to blame

Whatever happens to us, Here is what we say “Had it not been for so-and-so Things wouldn’t have gone that way.”

And if you are short of friends, I’ll tell you what to do Make an examination, You’ll find the faults in you…

You’re the captain of your ship, So agree with the same If you travel downward You have yourself to blame

We are taught in our culture that we are solely responsible for our own successes… and failures. That if there is something that is wrong in our life, it is up to us to fix it. After all, we need to pick up ourselves by the bootstraps. God only helps those who help themselves (which is not written anywhere in the sixty-six books of the Bible, by the way). We are taught to analyze our role in our disappointments. We are taught to take responsibility for our actions — and the outcomes. Sara Eckel writes in her book It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single (this book has become my saving grace/bible), “We’re a nation that believes strongly in personal efficacy — if there’s something in your life that isn’t working quite the way you’d like, then the problem must begin and end with you. Even people diagnosed with serious illnesses are instructed to maintain a positive attitude, as if that will make the cancer go away.” This entire message of responsibility and taking action was meant to be empowering, to teach us not to live life passively, to take charge of our lives, and to be active in creating the change we want to see.

What has happened, however, is many of us have taken these messages to heart, and when things don’t work out the way we planned or despite our best efforts, we take it out on ourselves because we have learned that there is no one else to blame, and it is childish and immature to blame our misfortunes on others.

Where these cultural messages fail and fall short, however, is they leave no room for fate, circumstance or situations beyond our control. My life is teaching me that sometimes it’s not my fault, and that while I own my actions, I don’t control the outcome (Proverbs 16:33). I’m learning that sometimes — many times — it’s not me. It’s just the circumstance in which I find myself.

In case this all seems abstract, let me explain.

Last week Sunday, I went to Movati Trainyards to teach Aqua Zumba only to see that my class had doubled in size from the week prior. If you read my last post in my Chronicles of a Plus-Sized Zumba Instructor series, ever since I started out as a group fitness instructor, I’ve had small class sizes. Perhaps I am not as popular as I had expected/wanted to be (Side bar: Sooooo… you should know that I have a slight preoccupation with class sizes that I need to get over). My Aqua Zumba class at Carlingwood, on the other hand, has now dwindled to about 2 or 4 people on a Monday and Wednesday. But lo and behold — here I was that Sunday at Trainyards and I was greeted by 20 smiling women in the shallow end. I was so taken aback I began thinking about what would happen if this class grows anymore. It was a pleasant surprise. 🙂

So what changed? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. At least, I didn’t change. I had the same choreography as the week prior. I teach the same choreo at Carlingwood and Trainyards. I didn’t really change my songs. I’m the same person and I teach the same way at all of the facilities where I teach. The only change I could think of was that we turned the page from the month of April to May. Similarly, my “land” Zumba classes are also growing.

It got me thinking… “Hmm… So maybe the size of my classes is not directly correlative to my teaching after all.” Yes Simone. Maybe it’s the weather.

In my earlier days of teaching Zumba, there was a lady in my class who would hardly acknowledge my existence when I said “hi” or “bye” to her. Months went by. I wondered why she was so shy and why she would never make eye contact with me. One night, after class, after everyone had left, she came back into the studio and we chatted a bit (much to my great surprise!). I learned that one of my songs — “YMCA” by the Village People — reminded her of her ex-husband who she discovered was gay…. Hmm… It got me thinking, “Maybe it’s not your teaching after all. Maybe people don’t make eye contact with you because they are hurting.” Basically, maybe it’s not you.

I have finally swallowed my pride and I’m seeing a therapist. We talked about the bar exam (among other things). She said, “It makes no sense — to have all of these good grades and then fail the exam over and over?” I nodded. We determined that it wasn’t necessarily my studying strategy — it was how the law societies test students, how they give feedback (or not, depending on the law society) and the fact that I don’t typically do well on multiple choice exams (I already knew that though). There are systemic issues to be taken into account as well. Bar exams, especially the Ontario bar, don’t test knowledge; they test a student’s ability to test well. They test how well one can conform to testing mechanisms and how well one can perform under manufactured stressful circumstances.

Basically, it’s not completely my fault. It’s not me (or, at least, it’s not just me).

Every once in a while, I’ve been having “coffee” with this guy I used to work with. Ok yes — he’s cute, but it’s nothing serious — just someone to talk to and touch base with once in a while. He’s currently finishing up his dissertation, and he shared with me the challenges of trying to date while writing a thesis, and the difficulty in and inevitability of breaking off these budding relationships due to competing obligations.

Let’s pretend this was actually going somewhere (because who knows — the jury’s still out on this one. God I hope he is not reading this post!!!). If he hadn’t shared that tidbit of information with me, and if he had suddenly stopped all communication, I would definitely have personalized it (“Another one bites the dust.” “Maybe I’m not interesting enough?!” “Maybe I’m not attractive.” “What is it about me that make men run?”).

But now I know that if I don’t hear from him for some time — it wasn’t necessarily my fault. It’s not me. He has a thesis to finish. That’s important, and I can’t blame him. He may not have intended it as such, but I’ve been forewarned.

Last year, a guy invited me over to his place and cooked me dinner. Yes. I know right? I was like, “Wow. Finally! A real date! Yay!” A friend of mine later told me that this very male friend of mine — yes the one who cooked me dinner and danced salsa with me in his kitchen — was gay.

Again, if I didn’t know, and the person had suddenly stopped expressing interest, I would have torn into myself and picked at each one of my flaws one by one. Sometimes it’s not you. Sometimes the guy is gay.

Knowing all of this background information helps me put my many insecurities at rest, keeps me from beating myself up, allows me to cut myself some slack and permits me to extend myself some grace.

What I am trying to say is that so many of us blame ourselves for our failed love lives (or lives in general). Our friends and our relatives often join in too (hurray!). The thing is, often times there is more going on behind the scenes to which we are not privy. There are other factors and challenges unbeknownst to us and having absolutely nothing to do with us. Sometimes it’s as simple as the right person but wrong time. You can’t change that. It’s not a matter of will or effort. It’s a matter of fate and faith. And so when something seemingly promising doesn’t work out, sometimes — many times — it’s not you. It really isn’t.

So I sigh with a deep sigh of relief. Knowing it’s not me is a comforting thought. It relieves me of guilt. It keeps me from holding a magnifying glass to my flaws. I rest in peace. It allows me to move on and go forward.

It helps me exercise more self-compassion. And by exercising more self-compassion, it helps me be more compassionate and empathetic in general, which I think is important.

I wrote in my “Sometimes It’s Not You” post:

Sometimes it’s not you. Sometimes you can be doing all of the right things but not seeing the desired outcome. You can be eating well and having sex and still not get pregnant. You can be exercising and eating well and still not lose weight. You can be dating a whole bunch of people, “putting yourself out there” as they say, and still be hopelessly single. You can study hard for an exam and still fail. You can be giving your all as a group fitness instructor, and still have a small class. Sometimes it’s not you. Sometimes it’s just the circumstance. Part of life is learning how to live with the discomfort and yet still move forward. Not that you need to be a victim of circumstance, but each disappointment gives us an opportunity to address the unrelenting question, “Now what?” and our answer will determine the scope and depth of our disappointment. Sometimes the answer is, “I’ve given all that I got. Imma just do me and enjoy the ride.” And that’s ok too.

Sara Eckel writes in her book, responding to the reception and acclaim of her New York Times article, “Sometimes It’s Not You”, “I think I reconnected them with a small kernel of wisdom they already had, one that said, I don’t think I need to change. I think I’m perfectly lovable, exactly as I am.”

I am perfectly lovable, exactly as I am.

I am perfectly lovable, exactly as I am. It’s not me. *Sighs deep sigh of relief*

In closing, to quote Sara Eckel again (God I love her), “What’s wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point.”

Featured Photo Credit: Brian Rea

It’s Not You: Why We Need to Stop Blaming Ourselves for Every Little Thing I had a major epiphany last week. Are you ready for it? It's not you. It's not me.

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lindafrancois · 3 years

Text

The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!)

Today we’re going to tell you exactly how to restart your fitness journey.

Whether this is the first time you’ve had to “respawn” or the 50th, you’re in the right place.

This time can be different. Learn how a NF Coach can help.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

Restarting Step 1: Forgive Yourself

Restarting Step 2: What Went Wrong?

Restarting Step 3: Change a Variable

Restarting Step 4: Respawn

Restarting Step 5: Supercharge Your Results

Get Back in the Fight (Next Steps)

Let’s do this.

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

So you fell off the wagon already.

Welcome to the club.

It’s called “being human!”

There are like 7 billion of us.

So how did I know you probably fell off the fitness wagon already?

Because statistically speaking, MOST people have already abandoned or missed out on a lot of the resolutions they’ve set for 2021.[1] Seriously.

However, have no fear. Since we treat life as a videogame around these parts, we’re all very comfortable with restarting or “respawning.”

First, we must…

STEP 1: FORGIVE YOURSELF

I heard a podcast interview recently about a man who had made a huge realization through seeing a therapist.

Specifically, their therapist asked them “Would you talk to somebody the way you talk to yourself?”

I bet the answer is a RESOUNDING “No.”

Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.

We’re often our own worst critic and our own worst enemy:

Do you know that voice in your head, that one calling you a loser or a failure?

Treat it like a different person.

You’re under no obligation to listen to it! It’s not you.

You’re reading this, which means you’re trying. Forgive yourself. Then move on.

STEP 2: ASK WHAT WENT WRONG?

Your goal of working out 2 hours a day and only eating Keto failed after three weeks.

Congratulations!

You conducted an experiment that did not have the results you expected.

That’s neither a good nor a bad thing. Like any other experiment, it just… IS.

So write down specifically what your experiment entailed.

What did you try to do?

I was going to exercise every day.

I was going to run a mile each morning.

I was going to eat strictly Paleo every day.

Look at your list: this is a combination of variables that don’t work for your lifestyle.

SIDENOTE: Learning from the millions of people that have come through Nerd Fitness over the past decade, my guess is that your experiment didn’t work out for one of two reasons:

Your goals were too vague: “I should exercise more this year” – For how long? How often? What kind of exercise?

STEP 3: CHANGE A VARIABLE IN YOUR EXPERIMENT

You’re reading this guide, which would lead me to believe you’re interested in trying again to lose weight and get in shape.

To avoid getting the same results, we need to change the variables in the experiment to try and get different results.

You know…

For your next attempt consider adjusting one of the following variables.

Remember, any good experiment has accurate measurements for their changing factors! You don’t just put “some uranium” in a nuclear reactor. You know the exact amount.

We need to be exact with your variables.

Let me give you some suggestions:

Example: if you roll out your yoga mat for 1 set of 1 exercise, it counts as a win. Doesn’t matter if did a full hour workout or just a 5 minute set of push-ups. It all counts.

STEP 4: RESPAWN, GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

When you play a challenging video game, you’re going to die. A lot. (I died literally thousands when playing Hollow Knight, one of my favorite games in recent memory).

What happens after you die in a game?

You respawn, and try again!

You’ve learned a new tactic or pattern. You have a new technique. You’ve uncovered a secret. Or you’ve just gotten better. So you try, again.

And again.

And when you finally succeed?

Nirvana. Adulation. Pure joy.

There’s no shame in failing when it comes to weight loss. We have hundreds of stories of people who kept failing, but kept reading and trying, and then finally – something clicked.

And that next attempt is the one that changed their life’s path. Like Joe, who made like a dozen weight-loss attempt until he changed the right variable and got results:

So try again today.

Keep these things in mind when restarting your fitness journey:

Change your nutrition variable – try calorie counting instead of Paleo or vice versa.

Change your workout variable – try strength training instead of running.

Focus on building the routine by making the ‘win scenario’ super small.

Write down your plan, and start executing.

STEP 5: SUPERCHARGE YOUR RESULTS

Once you start your new experiment, here’s how you can stack the deck in your favor:

#3) Hire a professional. There are two types of coaches worth the investment:

GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

An old mandrill named Rafiki once taught me: “Yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.”

Okay maybe he taught that to Simba in The Lion King, but I too learned the same lesson:

TO RECAP:

Forgive yourself. You wouldn’t talk to somebody else the way you talk to yourself, so have some freaking compassion. You’re trying.

Identify what experiment you JUST tried. Write down what you believe went wrong over the past few weeks. Congrats – you found a strategy that doesn’t work.

Pick a new path, try a different variable. A good scientist meticulously tracks their data and writes down their hypothesis. I would change one of the following:

Exercise: do less – focus on building the routine and doing it consistently.

Nutrition: change less. If you couldn’t stick with a diet for 3 weeks, it was too restrictive. Try a different path.

Win scenario: don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good.”

And then try again.

If you want help here, I have two perfect ways to respawn today.

#1) If you want step-by-step guidance on how to lose weight, eat better, and get stronger, check out our killer 1-on-1 coaching program.

Many of our clients kept respawning for years, and it was only when working with a trained professional that they finally learned how to maintain progress.

Our Coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!

#2) If you want an exact blueprint for getting in shape, check out NF Journey. Our fun habit-building app helps you exercise more frequently, eat healthier, and level up your life (literally).

Plus, there’s a nice shiny button you can press so you can respawn in our app whenever you want! No judgement, restart whenever.

Try your free trial right here:

Alright, that does it for me today.

For the Rebellion!

-Steve

PS: If you want more tips and tricks on how to stick to your goals this year, check out 5 Hacks to Effortlessly Build Healthy Habits in 2021.

###

Photo Citation: Oh My Goodness! Shut Me Down, The Iron Giant, “Hello, old friend. Is he ready for me?”, Happy Halloween!!, At the blacksmith’s (Part 2), Medieval Blacksmith

Footnotes ( returns to text)

Forbes has a pretty good look at this.

The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

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