#ra speaos

[badolmen]

Half Life VR but the AI is Self Aware was so fucking insane. Some guy gets his friends to role play as half life NPCs but they all end up making convoluted backstories on the fly like it’s a murderhobo dnd campaign. Hundreds of helicopters spawned in a scripted event that only called for one and no one knows how it happened. Multiple branded drinks are important to multiple different bits. One of the NPCs goes rogue and becomes an antagonist of eldritch proportions in the final act (tumblr sexyman style). People started editing the Wikipedia article about All Dogs Go To Heaven to the point where it got locked down. What was in the RTVS water to make something so bizarre and entertaining and captivating.

#ra speaos #personal #hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #it’s just. there’s so much in depth fanon that isn’t explicitly disproved by canon bc canon is fucking bonkers

[badolmen]

Realizing I was bi/multigender was honestly kind of a relief. Like, at the end of the day I don’t care much for labels and they all feel fluid to me outside of my staunch asexuality, but there’s just…something about it. When I originally accepted I was a lesbian I realized that while it felt (and still feels accurate) but at the same time it would just feel so…I don’t know, dysphoria inducing? There was this voice in the back of my mind making me question if I was bi (which I admittedly thought was the case for a while, mostly for my mother’s benefit of ‘oh you could still end up in a het relationship’). Because - yes, sometimes I did see a guy and think, fuck, I want to hold him in my arms and take him to my favorite hiking spots. But in those fantasies I wasn’t bi - I was a gay man. And for a long time I just…packed that away as residual heteronormativity. (‘I’m a lesbian but if I was a man damn I would date him’ was kind of my internal monologue). But my dysphoria wasn’t going away - and it hasn’t, and it probably won’t, because I am both! I am a gay trans man! I am a masc butch lesbian! I can be both and neither at the same time!

And like for simplicity’s sake I just tell folks oh I’m a lesbian, any pronouns - but knowing for myself that I’m bi/multigender? It’s just put me at ease with a lot of anxieties I had about getting my dysphoria medically treated (‘I don’t know if I really want to be a Man’ ‘well good thing you don’t have to be one even if your body looks like one’) I don’t know this is a rambly personal post for getting my thoughts out of my head and being so grateful to know myself better than I ever have.

#ra speaos #personal #lgbt #gender #bigender #multigender #sorry for the rambling I’m living up to my original url #it’s like someone grabbed me by the shoulders an said ‘you can be both a gay trans man and a butch lesbian. at the SAME TIME!’ #and it just makes me so euphoric like oh right. I’m both and neither and more. simultaneously.

[badolmen]

oh my god this pillow….

Edit: “it can’t be that bad” behold my horrors boy

Ancient pillow as fragile as mummified linen

#ra speaos #personal #listen I grew up Poor and Autistic so as you can imagine I got this pillow second hand as a kid and I’ve had it ever since #I only got a brand new pillow for the first time ever when I was like 18 #but w aforementioned autism I couldn’t let go of my old pillow so I’ve kept it #today I took off its inner cover for the first time in years #(I KNOW ur supposed to wash it like every few months or whatever but like I’ve been using it as a leg support pillow #so it’s not like I have my face on it or anything) #anyways. point is this pillow is DISINTEGRATING #inside the inner cover it has another cover w a zipper and then the pillow itself. both are literally so thin poking it too hard breaks it #the cheap stuffing is all condensed together so at the very least it isn’t messy but like #guys it looks so sad and worn and I refuse to throw it out bc it’ll make me sad :( #besides the inner cover I’m washing now is fine and it’s one of those anti allergen ones so like. it’s fine. it’s fine guys. #aorjrbwhehsjwgshahda the most threadbare and worn pillow you’ve ever seen in your life: put me out of my misery #me. putting the cover back on: shushhhh I’ll reconsider in another 20 years

[badolmen]

My labmates need to stop stroking my ego; I am not that good at coding I just like patterns and constantly annotate my code so I remember what stuff does.

#ra speaos #personal #on the bright side the new phd and new masters student check their code w me which is very flattering #on the down side I do not actually know what I’m doing I’m just pulling out gears and putting them back in in different arrangements #anyways the PhD student never. annotates. their code. it drives me insane - I’m CONSTANTLY using the ole hashtag future me remember this f() #on another note why does pirating video games take so longggggg I wanna play game nowwww