#renji uryuu brotp

[recurring-polynya]

I thought about Ishida and Renji too much, and woke up at 5:30 yesterday morning with a fic in my brain. I thought it was gonna be another drabble, but I think it turned into a full story. Inspiration note at the end, to avoid an extremely mild spoiler.

~ The Letter of the Law ~

Uryuu has run afoul of the Soul Society criminal justice system. Fortunately, he has, uh, Renji.

(AO3 link)

Takes place immediately after 684. Presumes that Rukia and Renji got together sometime during the TYBW. Before works, too, if you prefer. (If that sort of thing piques your fancy, I got you covered.)

I will not apologize for any continuity errors, the TYBW was extremely confusing.

Rated T for language, because Renji.

~ ~ ~

Other shinigami would surely be here any minute. The Onmitsukidou, trying to get Aizen back under wraps? Squad 12 maybe?

Renji sighed. There was no way around it.

"Hey, Ishida?"

The kid looked at him, exhaustion permeating his entire being.

"Believe me, I don't like this any more than you do, but, uh," Renji rubbed the back of his neck, "you're under arrest."

Ishida blinked. "Come again?"

Renji sighed again. "Under my authority as a Lieutenant of the Gotei-13, I am detaining you under the custody of the Sixth Division, Kuchiki Byakuya, Captain."

"You can arrest people?" Ichigo asked, incredulously. "Can Rukia arrest people?"

"Kurosaki!" Ishida protested.

"Of course I can arrest people, I was arrestin' Rukia the first time you met me, you moron!"

"Oh, right.” Ichigo remembered to get offended. “C'mon, Renji, it's Uryuu! Don't be an ass about this."

Renji shook his head, a warning. "I'm telling you guys, you absolutely need me to be an--"

"QUINCY SCUM, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST--"

So it was the Onmitsukidou, after all. There were about a thousand of them swarming Aizen, but they hadn't forgotten about Ishida, either.

Renji hefted himself to his feet. Time to get to work. "Too late, boys, I've already arrested him."

Two black-clad ninja looked at each other, and back to Renji. "But we're supposed to arrest him."

Renji gave a big, genial shrug. "That's a pickle, now, isn't it?"

"What do you care, why not just give him to us?" one of the ninja suggested.

"Oh, we do things by the book over at the Sixth. Captain wouldn't like it if I just went around transferring prisoners without the proper paperwork. You can fill out a transfer request form, of course. You'll need your Captain or Vice-Captain to approve it, and then you can file it with the Sixth Division front office. I should warn you, though, we've been short-staffed lately, so we may not get to it right away."

"What. Is. Happening?" Ichigo murmured.

"Due process," Renji replied cheerfully. "Sorry, Uryuu, I'm gonna have to take you in. Don't worry, Ichigo, I won't let him outta my sight. I’m sure you’re gonna be real busy for the near future." Renji clapped Uryuu on the shoulder. "Don't you worry either. If anyone can utterly bog down the Gotei-13 legal process by fucking up paperwork... it's me."

~ ~ ~

"Here's a blanket," Renji said, shoving it between the bars. "And I brought you some books." He passed them through one at a time. "This one's historical fiction…this one's a literary novel that was real popular a few years ago...this one's non-fiction, about the history of zanjutsu...and here's some shitty vampire manga I keep around for when Rukia comes over. I didn't know what you liked, so I tried to bring over a bunch of different things."

"These are... your  books?"

Renji raised one eyebrow. "Whose else would they be?"

Ishida turned one of the books over his hand. They were cheaply printed paperbacks, the paper much rougher than you’d find in the Living World, the spines all utterly bent and creased to hell. "I, uh, didn't know they had popular books in Soul Society."

Renji narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn'ta guessed I read for fun, is what you mean."

Uryuu took a deep breath. "I assumed. I'm sorry." He turned over the historical novel curiously. "Looks like you’ve read this one a few times."

"That's my favorite book." Renji was thoughtful for a moment. “You got ‘Romance of the Three Kingdoms’ in the Living World, right? It’s a little like that.”

Uryuu raised both eyebrows. "I'll give it a try."

Renji shrugged. "I won't judge you if you read the vampire manga. Anything else I can get for ya? Tea? Playing cards? Get you some ink so you can work on your prison tats?"

"I'll, ah, pass. Um, is there a way to get someone's attention, if I need something?"

"Oh, I'm not leaving you alone down here."

Ishida blinked. “What?”

Renji leaned up against the bars of the cell. “You can trust any and all of the Squad 6 folks on duty down here, I hand-picked 'em. But Squad 2 and 12 are both after you, and they’re lying, tricky bastards, one and all. That’s to say nothing of any of your old Quincy pals we might not’ve caught. Everything outside of this barracks is chaos right now, and I’m not about to get caught on my laurels, so I’m just gonna bring my paperwork down here and hang out with my ol’ buddy Uryuu until the rest of the captains get back.”

“You give all your prisoners this much personal attention?”

Renji shrugged. “Only the ones who don’t make fun of my eyebrows.”

~ ~ ~

Renji leaned back so his chair balanced on the back two legs. The back thunked against the bars of the holding cell. "The problem is," he drawled, "that Squad 3 has  also  requested a prisoner transfer. And they got their paperwork in first."

The Squad 2 flunky clutched his approved Form PTR-0003-36A like a lifeline. "What do I do with this, then?"

"Oh, I'll take it," Renji offered, delicately plucking the crumpled form from the man's sweaty hands. "But since there's more than one request, it will require adjudication, which means I'll have to wait until my captain gets back."

"When will that be?" the Onmitsukidou squeaked.

"Hard to say," Renji shrugged, shaking his head. "As far as I know he's still in the Royal Realm, and I don't have any way to communicate with him directly."

"What if we got Squad 3 to retract their request?"

"Worth a try, I s'pose. I've already started processing it though, so they'll need to file a formal withdrawal, and they'll probably want to document that it was at the request of another squad, so made sure they attach a Schedule E. That’s ‘E’, like earwax, not ‘D’ like dead dodo."

The ninja slunk off, mumbling "E, not D" to himself.

"Or maybe it was Schedule D,” Renji replied airly, scratching his head. “Or maybe even Schedule C.  Who can keep them all straight? Anyhoo, Squad 12 will probably have submitted one of these by the time he gets Kira to back off," he mused, glancing over the form. "Oh, they spelled your name wrong, too, that'll gum things up for sure."

"What does Squad 3 want with me?" Uryuu asked suspiciously, from the other side of the bars.

"Nothin'. I just asked Kira to fill one out. For funsies. You probably owe that guy a drink." Renji thought for a moment. "Actually, I'm not sure he'll be drinking anytime soon. But I bet he's in the market for a real classy lookin' cape, or maybe, like, a caftan? Is that the right word?"

“A flowy garment that a woman of a certain age wears for drinking wine?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Renji nodded. “‘Zactly. Matsumoto has one.”

"Hmmm," Uryuu frowned. “I’ll think about it.” He tried to get back into his book, but after reading the same paragraph three times, he closed it. "There's really no way to communicate with the Royal Realm? I was just wondering when everyone-- I mean, if Inoue and Sado--"

"I absolutely did not say that,” Renji clarified. “I said there's no way t'contact  my Captain directly  , because that old fogey refuses to carry a spirit phone. If I wanna talk to him, I gotta call Rukia and get her to hand him  her  phone. What a pain, am I right? Anyway, I talked to 'em all this morning. They'll be back in about two days, maybe sooner."

~ ~ ~

Renji banged his way into the 6th Division front offices. "What is all the commotion up here?" he hollered.

"Renji!" Orihime cried, her voice cracking with relief.

Renji stopped cold. It seemed very weird to see his human friends here, in his office, in the place where he spent most of his time reviewing mission reports and working out tactical exercises with Captain Kuchiki and mainlining too-strong tea in order to stay awake until quitting time. Much weirder than seeing Ishida down in his holding cell.

"That's Assistant Captain Abarai to you, " Third Seat Ohno snapped peevishly.

Renji rolled his eyes so hard it was practically audible.

“We’re here to see Ishida,” Chad demanded. “He’s our friend.”

"This is not the Coordinated Relief Station! We do not have  visiting hours !" Ohno went on. He turned to Renji. "These ryouka want to see the prisoner, which, of course, is simply out of the question." As irritating as the guy was, Renji really had to hand it to ol’ Third Seat Ohno. He’d done an absolutely masterful job of gleefully kicking out all the secret police and mad scientists and generalized revenge seekers that had been mobbing the offices for days. The guy did not believe in exceptions. Which meant this was going to require some creativity.

"Yeeeeeahhh," Renji frowned. "We can't just let anyone go down there. Ishida's a dangerous criminal, you know, and a member of a widespread secret alliance and we got procedures to follow, and regulations stating the number of unauthorized personnel allowed in restricted areas…" As soon as he noticed Ohno close his eyes and start to nod along smugly, Renji started pointing to himself and miming punching himself in the face.

Chad might be soft-spoken, but he was not slow on the uptake. He pulled back his fist and slugged Renji in the jaw, at roughly 1/10 of his usual strength.

"That's assault of an officer!" Renji declared, trying to shake off the blow. 1/10 of a Chad punch was still an awful lot of punch.  "You're under arrest, I'm throwing you in the brig!"

Orihime was also not slow on the uptake, although she sometimes she got her exits confused and ended up on the wrong uptake. Her fist smashed into Ohno's nose at 100% of her full strength. "You'll never take me alive, coppers!" she yelled.

From the floor, Ohno whimpered.

"I will," Renji corrected her. "I will most definitely take you alive. I will take you down to the brig, where Uryuu is. Because you are also under arrest."

"Oh! Right!" Orihime cheerfully agreed.

"My noooose," wailed Ohno.

An hour later, Orihime and Chad departed Squad 6, released on their own recognizance.

 ~ ~ ~

"LIEUTENANT ABARAI!"

Renji's disheveled head poked out of Holding Cell B, blinking muzzily. His hair was a rat's nest, his jaw was blue with stubble, and his shihakusho looked distinctly  lived in.

Captain Kuchiki swept in on a breeze of cherry blossoms and efficiency. His silks were spotless, his hair perfect. He looked like he had just returned from a relaxing vacation. His sister trailed behind him, a 4’9” echo of his own perfection.

"What have I told you about napping in the holding cells?"

Renji hopped to attention. "Welcome back, sir! And if it's more than three consecutive hours, it's not a nap, it's plain ol' sleepin', sir."

"That's some nonsense, Lieutenant," Lieutenant Kuchiki chided him, making a face that she had clearly appropriated from her elder sibling.

"Welcome back, to you, too,  Lieutenant ," Renji replied, unable, or perhaps unwilling to keep the joy off his face at seeing her again.

"Why are you down here?" Byakuya demanded.

"Got a person of interest here, sir, didn't want to leave him unguarded."

Byakuya regarded him with lidded eyes. "Yes, I have already heard quite a bit of angry complaining about your 'person of interest' from  multiple  other captains."

"It's the paperwork, sir. It's a morass. But I want this done right, I refuse to rush. Crossin' every t, dottin' every i. That's the Squad 6 way, am I right?"

"Of course, Lieutenant. I know what a���.stickler you are for these things."

"In fact, sir, I got in a request yesterday that I'd really like some of your expertise in processing. Bit complicated. Political."

Byakuya nodded. "Fine. Meet me upstairs in the office in ten minutes." He glanced sideways at Rukia, who was holding up one finger on her left hand and five on her right and mouthing the word “fifteen” hopefully. A strange, pained look crossed his face, as though he were trying to prevent some glaring new piece of information from actually making its way into his brain. Stubborn obliviousness appeared to win this round. "Make that fifteen minutes." He turned on his heel and glided out.

Rukia scowled at Renji, jerking her thumb toward Uryuu, who did not bother to look up from his book. "You given this idiot what for, yet?"

Renji shrugged. "Not really. I figured he’d get enough grief from everyone else. And he was with us in the end."

"I don't mean that! I mean worrying his friends, the jerk!"

"Rukia," Renji said gently, taking her hand in his. "Is this really how you want to spent the first fifteen minutes you’ve seen me in three days?"

Rukia stiffened, and her voice lowered to a whisper. "Did you tell him that we're…?" she pointed back and forth rapidly between the two of them, and jerked her head to the side twice meaningfully.

"Together?" Renji suggested. "The word is 'together.'"

"He wouldn't shut up about it," Uryuu added. "Congratulations." He turned a page. "Or condolences. One or the other."

Rukia made a face she usually made at Ichigo. "Thanks," she finally sputtered. Then she grabbed a fistful of Renji's kosode, and hauled him into Holding Cell B.

Uryuu turned another page. "Took you long enough."

 ~ ~ ~

"Glad to see everyone here with so much enthusiasm today," Captain-General Kyouraku said, clapping his hands. "The quicker we get started, the quicker we'll be done! Nanao, do you have my list?"

"There's been a request that item 7 be moved to the top of the agenda," Lieutenant Ise informed him as she passed over a sheet of paper.

His eyes skimmed it. "Well, that seems fine. I've received the approval to name Kuchiki Rukia as Acting Captain of the 13th Division. I know my good friend, Juushirou, had the utmost confidence in her, and I think it's a very appropriate appointment. Are there any objections?"

If there were, no one felt like a big enough jerk to voice them while the Captain-General was getting misty about his fallen companion.

"Wonderful! Congratulations, Kuchiki, please reach out to me if you need any assistance."

"Me," Nanao corrected. "Please reach out to me."

"Thank you, sir!" Rukia barked. "I will do my best!"

"Next...oh, dear. I guess we need to discuss the Ishida boy, who, apparently is in the custody of the Sixth Division?"

Captains Kurotsuchi and Soi Fon both started talking at once, and then Captain Otoribashi started in once someone mentioned Squad 3. Captain Hitsugaya and Acting-Captain Kuchiki both had strong opinions on the matter. Then Captain Hirako started talking because he liked to talk while other people were talking.

"All of this is moot.” The room went quiet. Even though he wasn’t particularly loud, people tended to shut up when Captain Kuchiki bothered to say something. “We have received a request for the prisoner's extradition, on the grounds that he has a right to be tried in his realm of origin, by his own people."

"What?!" Kurotsuchi squawked. "We don't have any diplomatic relations with the Quincy."

"The Quincy of the World of the Living, to be exact. My lieutenant will explain," Byakuya could barely keep the boredom out of his voice. Not that he was trying.

"Uh, technically, we do,” Renji explained. “There's a binding legal entity between Division 13 and all officially appointed shinigami substitutes, of which there is currently one, who happens to be of Quincy heritage and domiciles in the World of the Living."

"Oh, no," Soi Fon groaned.

Renji went on, "And furthermore, there's precedent, namely the previous Captain-General releasing the body of Fullbringer Kuujo Ginjou into Kurosaki Ichigo's custody." Renji blew air out of his cheeks. He hated talking in captains’ meetings.

"So Kurosaki Ichigo has already filed his request?" the Captain-General asked, bumping his hat aside to scratch his head.

"It's already been processed, it just needs my signature," Rukia replied. "Now that I am officially Acting-Captain." She gave a dirty look to the captains of 2 and 12.

"Well, that all seems very neat and tidy," Kyourakou congratulated, amid the groans of his captains. "Great job, everyone. Thanks for taking care of that. Uh....this was the Quincy that was on our side, right? The nice boy with the glasses?"

~ ~ ~

“I should thank you,” Uryuu said quietly, as Renji led him through the shattered streets of the Seireitei.

“Eh, you woulda done the same for me.”

Uryuu was very quiet.

Renji looked at the boy out of the corner of his eye. “Look, man. Every time we go anywhere, you say you aren’t gonna help and you hate shinigami and we ain’t your friends, and the rest of us have learned to ignore you, because you always turn up when the shit hits.” He palmed Uryuu’s head and shook it playfully a few times. “You should learn to ignore you, too. I tell ya, you woulda done the same for me.”

Uryuu snorted. “Still. Thanks.” He gave a small smile. “I liked your book, by the way. Is there any way to get books back and forth from the World of the Living? I think I have one you might like.”

“Oh yeah?” Renji asked, raising an eyebrow. “Talk to Yadamarou. I’ll give it a shot.”

Everyone was waiting in a neat line at the Senkaimon, when they crested the hill.

"Ya did it," Ichigo hollered on behalf of everyone. "You got yourself kicked outta Soul Society, just like you always wanted."

“Well,” Renji said, "I guess this is it for us." Then he twisted Uryuu into a headlock, and proceeded to noogie him to within an inch of his life. Everyone else watched, solemnly, while Uryuu squirmed and yelped. Finally, Renji let him free. "I release him into your custody, Acting-Captain Kuchiki."

"Thank you, Lieutenant Abarai." Rukia turned to her young friend, who was gripping his scalp and cowering. "I do not envy you. His knuckles are like friggin' boulders."

"Diamonds," Uryuu whimpered.

Then Rukia grabbed Ishida’s ear and  twisted.

"Owowoeewoow!"

She hauled him a few yards away from the group, and pulled his ear down to the level of his mouth. "Listen up, nerd. I am not planning some Kuchiki-ass, high society wedding without your help, you buttface. You have until that dummy over there decides to propose in order to get back in the good graces of the Gotei-13, you hear me?"

Uryuu tried to escape her iron grip and failed. "That could be the rest of my natural lifetime."

"It could be,” she agreed. “Or it could be  tomorrow . You know how he is. So get on it."

It struck Ishida that he  did know how Abarai was. And Kuchiki, as well. How had this happened? He blamed Kurosaki. He huffed. “Can’t you just go down to City Hall or whatever?”

Rukia looked hurt. “I didn’t say I didn’t  want  a fancy wedding. I just said I wanted you to help me with it. And y’know. Be there.”

“Oh,” Uryuu replied. “Oh. I”ll, uh...I’ll do my best.”

Rukia smiled. “Thanks.” She dragged him back over to the others and shoved him in the general direction of Ichigo. "Here you go, Substitute Shinigami and Quincy Cultural Attache, he's your problem now."

"Thank you, Shorty McCaptainface," Ichigo proclaimed formally. "Ishida Uryuu, you have been tried by a jury of your peers (that’s us), and been found guilty of  being a crummy friend. You have been sentenced to the following: You will come to the next three movie nights, even if it's Keigo's turn to pick the movie, and you will bring those weird little pink French cookies you made that one time!"

"They were macarons."

"You will answer your texts within 2 business days, even if it's just a smiley face!"

"You're the one who doesn't answer his texts for weeks on end."

"You will let us wear your cape for five minutes each while we make fun of you!"

Uryuu sighed.

"And you will promise to trust us and let us help you and not join our enemies in order to betray them without telling us first, you got it?!"

Uryuu sighed  louder. "I promise."

"And!" Orihime added, "you will bring it in for a  group hug!"

This had presumably been planned, because the three humans immediately tackled their friend in what looked like a well-practiced maneuver, with Orihime coming in from the back, Ichigo from the front, and Chad coming in last, enclosing everyone with his huge wingspan. Uryuu exhaled one final sigh of long-sufferance, the lament of a man cursed with excellent friends.

"Shinigami are not excused from this!" Chad rumbled, and suddenly, Rukia had wormed her way  into the middle , and Renji piled in opposite Chad.

"I promise I will be better," Uryuu from somewhere in the middle of all this.

"See that you do!" Ichigo shouted. "Also, I think you owe Renji, like, ten million yen in legal fees."

“I accept payment in little pink cookies!”

~ end

End note: While I was writing the group hug, I realized that I was just describing one of my all-time favorite pieces of fanart, by the very talented @chameshida I hope this fic has managed to capture a tiny fraction of that energy.

#bleach fanfiction #uryuu ishida #renji abarai #renji uryuu brotp #the rest of the nakama are here too #my fanfic #jail friends #abarai renji ace attorney

[unohanadaydreams]

Master + Character List

If there are no links corresponding with a character’s name, it means there is no content currently written for that character. That said: ALL characters on this list are ones I’m willing to write for.

NOTE: If you don’t see a character you’d like to send in an ask for here, feel free to message me if I would be willing to!

HC = Headcanon

Scene = Scenario

TP = Thirst Post

note: many of these feature writing from other blogs either somewhat or heavily and I HIGHLY recommend you follow them.

All Gotei Divisions HCs

5th Division HCs

8th Division HCs

Izuru Kira as new Yachiru AU

No Aizen AU

Retsu Unohana’s motivations for forming Gotei 13 theories

Chikane Iba theories + analysis

Royal Guard general theories + HCs

CFYW novel info theory + HC (Mayuri + Urahara)

Bleach characters in Narutoverse AU

Ulquiorra dragon symbolism analysis/theory

Mayuri Kurotsuchi character/zanpakuto analysis/theory

Mayuri Kurotsuchi character analysis/theory

(nsfw) who fucks and who doesn't among the captains HCs

note: the following is solely my writing and features only imagine + request content

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Gotei 13 (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Shunsui Kyoraku

React to falling in love HC

Shipped with Jushiro relationship HCs

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Threesome w/reader + Jushiro Ukitake TP

Nanao Ise

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Soi Fon

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

What does she bring to the lake HC

Marechiyo Omaeda

Gin Ichimaru

Reader left behind after Gin’s death HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Edging as punishment TP

Izuru Kira

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

Izuru in the 11th Division Scene

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Falling in love and flirting HCs

Retsu Unohana

Relationship HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

 (nsfw) Doctor w/reader patient meme HCs

(nsfw) ties reader up TP

general + analytical HCs

Isane Kotetsu

React to falling in love HC

Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Hanataro Yamada

Sosuke Aizen

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader + Shinji Hirako meme HCs

(nsfw) Doctor w/reader patient meme HCs

Momo Hinamori

Byakuya Kuchiki

React to falling in love HC

(nsfw) Relationship HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

Falls for shy reader HCS

(nsfw) Shipped with Jushiro relationship HCs

Reader has overprotective brothers HCs

First time seeing reader dressed up Scene

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Quarantine w/ MALE reader meme HCs

Being a father to a son HCs

Renji Abarai

Reader angry their brother is hurt HCs

Realizes he’s in love with reader Scene

Reaction to reader being a quincy HCs

Finds out reader cheated on him HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Doctor w/patient!reader meme HCs

Sajin Komamura

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) fem!reader begs him to breed her TP

(nsfw) Who in the Seireitei is a werewolf fucker?

Tetsuzaemon Iba

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

Kaname Tosen

React to reader getting lost HC

Shuhei Hisagi

(nsfw) kinktober choking reader Scene

Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Angry sex TP

Toshiro Hitsugaya

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

summer ficlet + fireflies + fluff

Rangiku Matsumoto

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

Kenpachi Zaraki

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

Reader angry their brother is hurt HCs

Falling for a badass reader HCs

(nsfw) Relationship w/reader HCs

Dealing with Yachiru being “gone” HCs

First kiss w/reader + how he kisses HCs

React to reader dying HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Predator w/reader prey TP

(nsfw) eating pussy w/fem!reader TP

summer ficlet + watermelon + fluff

Yachiru Kusajishi

Dealing with being “gone” HCs

Ikkaku Madarame

(nsfw) Relationship w/reader + Yumichika HCs

Yumichika Ayasegawa

(nsfw) Relationship w/reader + Ikkaku HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Mayuri Kurotsuchi

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Getting first blowjob from reader Scene

First kiss w/reader Scene + how he kisses HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

*dubcon/unhealthy relationship* relationship w/reader TP

Nemu Kurotsuchi

Akon

Cowokers meme him HC

Falls in love w/bubbly reader HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Jushiro Ukitake

Shipped with Shunsui relationship HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

(nsfw) Shipped with Byakuya relationship HCs

React to having twin boys + one is bedridden HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Threesome w/reader + Shunsui Kyoraku TP

hurt & comfort w/fem!reader scene

Kaien Shiba

Rukia Kuchiki

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

What does she bring to the lake HC

Kiyone Kotetsu

Sentaro Kotsubaki

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Royal Guard (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Tenjiro Kirinji

(nsfw) Bullies fem!reader TP

Kirio Hikifune

Oetsu Nimaiya

Senjumaru Shutara

Ichibe Hyosube

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Visoreds (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Shinji Hirako

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

Reaction to reader being a quincy HCs

Reaction to seeing reader after 100 years in Karakura Town HCs

Catching up with reader after 100 years HCs

Reader comforting his hurt Scene

React to reader dating Aizen after he “died” HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader + Sosuke Aizen meme HCs

(nsfw) Doctor w/patient!reader meme HCs

Rose Otoribashi

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

Reaction to seeing reader after 100 years in Karakura Town HCs

What kind of BF to reader is he HC

Sweet reunion with past love reader Scene

Kensei Muguruma

React to falling in love HC

React to reader getting lost HC

Reaction to reader being a quincy HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Relationship with shy/flustered reader HCs

Love Aikawa

Hiyori Sarugaki

Lisa Yadomaru

React to falling in love HC

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

React to reader getting lost HC

Mashiro Kuna

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

Hachigen Ushoda

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Urahara Shoten + Rukongai Rebels (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Kisuke Urahara

React to reader getting lost HC

His daughter HCs

Yoruichi Shihoin

React to reader getting lost HC

What does she bring to the lake HC

Yushiro Shihoin Tessai Tsukabishi Jinta Hanakari Ururu Tsumugiya Kukaku Shiba Ganju Shiba

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Karakura Gang + Humans (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Ichigo Kurosaki

Friends w/ Uryuu pre-arrancar arc Scene

 (nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Hichigo pleasures reader TP

(nsfw) Doctor w/patient!reader meme HCs

Relationship with shy/flustered reader HCs

Orihime Inoue

BROTP w/ Chad HCs

Uryu Ishida

Reaction to reader being a quincy HCs

Friends w/ Ichigo pre-arrancar arc Scene

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Sado Chad Yasutora

Reaction to reader being a quincy HCs

BROTP w/ Orihime HCs

First kiss w/ reader Scene + general kisses HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Doctor w/reader patient meme HCs

 Yandere w/reader HCs

(nsfw) Sweet but Wild in bed TP

Kon

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Ryuken Ishida

(nsfw) Doctor w/reader patient meme HCs

Isshin Kurosaki

(nsfw) eating pussy w/fem!reader TP

Yuzu Kurosaki Karin Kurosaki Tatsuki Arisawa Keigo Asano Mizuho Asano Mizuiro Kojima Chizuru Honsho

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Arrancar (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

       Espada:

Yammy Llargo Coyote Starrk

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Lilynette Gingerbuck Baraggan Louisenbairn Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck Tier Harribel

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

Ulquiorra Cifer/Schiffer Nnoitra Gilga

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Luppi Antenor Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

(nsfw) Fan of squirting HC

Reader angry their brother is hurt HCs

Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

(nsfw) summer ficlet + moon + sweet smut

Zommari Rureaux Szayelaporro Granz Aaroniero Arruruerie

       Fraccion + Other:

Wonderweiss Margela Ggio Vega Tesra Lindocruz Emilou Apacci Cyan Sung-Sun Franceska Mila Rose Yylfordt Granz Di Roy Rinker

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Fullbringer (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Kugo Ginjo

General HCs

Shukuro Tsukishima Riruka Dokugamine Girko Kutsuzawa Moe Shishigawara Yukio Hans Vorarlberna Jackie Tristan

(∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั ) Quincy (∞ ❛ั ⊝❛ั )

Yhwach Jugram Haschwalth

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Bazz B Kang Du Candice Catnipp Bambietta Basterbine Giselle Gewelle

(nsfw) Quarantine w/reader meme HCs

Liltotto Lamperd Meninas McAllon As Nodt Gremmy Thoumeaux Askin Nakk Le Vaar Quilge Opie Lille Barro BG9

#required reading #required master list #remind me never to procrastinate on a master list ever again master list

[kisugay]

Orihime Inoue & Bazz-B for the meme?

Alrighty, Orihime!

favorite thing about them

she’s compassionate towards everyone, and people often see this as a weakness but it’s usually a strength for her!

least favorite thing about them

kubo sexualizing her i guess??

favorite line

“I don't care about ‘subtle’. If you don’t want to get hurt, then don’t attack until I say it’s all right.”

brOTP

the other teenage boys- ichigo, chad, and uryuu!

OTP

tatsuki. tatsuhime rights babey

nOTP

her with any adult. it’s gross.

random headcanon

one of the only foods that she makes “normally” is banana bread. she never puts anything weird on it, it’s just banana bread.

unpopular opinion

people need to stop saying she “deserved better” then turn right around and be misogynistic about her. she deserved better in canon, sure, but she deserves so much more from fans too.

song i associate with them

More Than Friends - meesh

favorite picture of them

one of the cutest orihime pics ever imo!

Now Bazz-B!

favorite thing about them

uhhh i guess he had a more interesting story than most of the other quincy characters? also his hair is cool.

least favorite thing about them

hmm arrogant violent bastard.

favorite line

“I thought you might have decent taste with those super-classy eyebrows you’ve got, but it looks like I was mistaken!”

brOTP

uhhh renji ig? they would make funny friends, but more of the ichigo-and-grimmjow type of friendship where they’re not actually too buddy-buddy and all they really wanna do is beat each other up.

OTP

can we all agree he’s too hot headed and violent for a real relationship?

nOTP

please stop shipping him with renji

random headcanon

roasts marshmallows and hot dogs with his burner finger. never wants to go camping because everyone will use him as a campfire.

unpopular opinion

like i get it, we didn’t have much good stuff in the way of villains in late bleach. but just because he’s one of the more tolerable quincy out of the last arc doesn’t mean he’s ok. he’s still not a good character and sometimes it’s ok to say “this was not a good character through i appreciate his design and powers”

song i associate with them

Burn It Down - Linkin Park (edgy song for an edgy guy idk i know there are better songs but i did not try)

favorite picture of them

it looks like he has fire wings here. you go, fire man

#thanks!! #long post #orihime #bazz-b #meri47

[recurring-polynya]

An appreciation post for one of my favorite Bleach fights, Ishida + Abarai vs. Szayelaporro, Part A.

It’s super long, so I’m gonna stick it under a cut

To back up just a tad, it should probably come as no surprise that Ichigo and his nakama are my favorite part of Bleach. At the start of the things, they all seem slightly weird, but not too bad, and as you go along, you realize that all of them are Ride-or-Die, love-with-their-entire-beings, intense weirdos, and that they are only their truest selves when they’re putting it on the line for each other. God, I love them. In some ways, Uryuu and Renji are on opposite edges of the group. Uryuu, a Nerd, refuses to admit that he actually likes any of them, except maybe Orihime. He always has to make up a thousand excuses why he follows Ichigo anywhere, and no one else cares, they love him, and they’re just like “Get in the car, Ishida, we’ve been waiting twenty minutes.” Renji, on the other hand, a classic Jock, has his own friends, and honestly, better places to be, but he just rolls up, “You are all my friends now, suck it, here is a cheer I like to do with my soccer team.”

So, here we are, in Hueco Mundo, everyone has ill-advisedly split up, and Renji has had the bad luck to go down one of two paths with an Espada at the end of it. It’s looking dire for Our Boy, when...

Look at that smarmy nerd! But, it turns out that Szayelaporro has a million minions and is actually kinda tough, and WHO NEEDS RESCUING NOW?

He protecc his tiny Quincy friend!

But Renji knows his Jock powers are insufficient here, what we need is a NERD - JOCK ALLIANCE.

Look at these boys. They are So Happy To Be Fighting Together.

Uryuu, true to form, instantaneously comes up with a plan, and asks Renji to buy him some time. And what Renji comes up with is... this:

Followed by this:

Guys. GUYS. I love Renji so much. His big stalling maneuver is “I will tie this guy to me and roll a critical fail doing the most dangerous thing I can think of and hope I don’t die.” What a GOON. I love him.

By this time, Uryuu has managed to actually set up a Spengen, and blows up  Szayelaporro a second time. Uryuu spends like 8 pages talking about it, and then takes a moment to thank the man who made it all possible (and has been lying on the ground like a slug this whole time)

Lookit these best friends. Ishida never says anything nice about anyone! “Dependable backup.” Ask him to prom, already, Uryuu! You can wear matching tuxes! He’ll say yes!

And then Szayelaporro gets up, eats a Fraccione, yells at them for making his clothes dirty, and leaves.

Let us never discuss the B part of this battle.

Fin.

#uryuu ishida #renji abarai #renji uryuu brotp #bleach #nerd-jock solidarity #hueco mundo arc #the best boys #bleach fights

[recurring-polynya]

[Renji birthday] Hey, hi. What about Orihime does smt to surprise Renji for his birthday, a thank-you him helping her at New Year celebration? Include fireworks that Renji secretly enjoys? Thanks. Anything (fic, hcs, sketch..) is fine.

I’m sorry this is late, but it’s still the Renji - Orihime Birthday Weekend, so I think it’s okay!

I love the idea of the Renji - Orihime BroTP, but somehow it’s so hard for me to write, I always do a bunch of false starts or get stuck. For this round of prompts, I was trying to do the ones that inspired me the most and I liked the idea a lot more than I had ideas, if you get my drift. Anyway, I love them both too much, though, so I muscled through.

I’m sorry if this is a little ramble-y and quite silly and I didn’t manage to squeeze in fireworks (I’ve written several fireworks scenes in the past and didn’t want to repeat myself), but what it is is four thousand words long. Also, I managed to remember that Kon exists, this is possibly the first time I have ever put Kon in anything. I hope you like it!

Read on ao3 or ff.net

🎁    🎈    🎊

“Inoue,” Renji hissed. “Why am I here?”

Orihime took a quick step backwards as Keigo ran past, screaming. Ryo followed a second later, also screaming. Renji, who had served at Squad 11 for many years, managed to leap out of the way just in time. “It’s Ichigo’s birthday party,” Orihime explained. “He wanted you to come.”

“It’s not though,” Renji pressed. “It’s Arisawa’s birthday, and we’re at Arisawa’s house. I don’t think Arisawa even knows who I am.”

“Yes, she does, silly,” Orihime replied. “I told her lots of stories about you and she said she wanted you to come. There’ll probably be a football match later, and Ichigo told her we could have you on our team, as long as he got Rukia.”

“I got hauled in all the way from Soul Society for football?” Renji asked, sounding not-at-all upset about this.

“No, I told you! Ichigo wanted you to come.”

“But it’s not his birthday.”

“But it is his party. He and Tatsuki share, you see, because their birthdays are so close and they have all the same friends. It’s Tatsuki’s year to host the big friend party. Ichigo just had a little family party on his actual birthday.”

“Ohhhhh,” Renji replied, finally understanding. He nodded for a moment. “What’s a family party?”

---

Orihime cleared her throat, and tapped her in her palm. “Thank you all for coming to this very important meeting.”

Chad, Ichigo, and Tatsuki were all crammed together on Orihime’s couch. Rukia sat on the arm, next to Chad, Kon in her lap. Uryuu sat in Orihime’s desk chair, which she had hauled in from her room.

Orihime thwapped her pointer against the large pad of paper on an easel that she had borrowed from the Student Health Advisors Club. On the first page, she had drawn a large picture of Renji and written his name. “It has come to my attention that Our Friend Renji has never had a Family Birthday Party.”

“Quick question--” Tatsuki interrupted. “Is he wearing a… fur bolero in that picture? And is the bone dragon an actual thing or just...Orihime artistic spice?”

“It’s a cowl,” Rukia said, at the same time as Chad said, “It’s a stole,” and Uryuu said “It’s a capelet.”

“Thank you, that cleared up nothing,” Tatsuki replied.

“It’s his bankai form,” Ichigo said, grumpily. “His sword turns into a giant flying snake skeleton that screams like a pterodactyl. It’s super sick and he let me ride on it twice and that cape thing is really soft, actually, but he says it gets hot. As far as I know it has nothing to do with his birthday.”

“Er, no, I just got carried away while I was drawing,” Orihime admitted. “Your bankai is very cool, too, Kurosaki-kun.”

“Got it, right,” Tatsuki nodded, sounding very much like she just wanted to move on. “He doesn’t have a family?”

“I think you’re worrying over nothing, Orihime,” Rukia said, sounding a teensy bit defensive. “Many people in Soul Society don’t have families. If there’s anyone in Soul Society who’s good at scraping up friends to spend a holiday with, it’s Renji. Everyone likes him. Half the Gotei turns up at the bar for his birthday parties.”

“I know that,” Orihime said quietly. “I know that because last New Year’s, when I was lonely, he played badminton with me, even though he was very, very hungover and pretending like he wasn’t, and then he went and rounded up all my friends in the middle of the night, and before he left, he told me there was nothing wrong with making your own holiday. But family birthdays are different! Family birthdays are about the people who love you most doing special things, just for you!” Orihime set her jaw. “When I was little, Sora always tried to make my birthdays super special! We didn’t have a lot of extra money, but he would take the day off just to spend it with me and we would go to the park or watch movies or he would let me paint his nails and braid his hair. He would take a picture of me and put it in my special birthday album with my height and weight and current favorite food.” Orihime’s mouth snapped shut. Everyone was staring at her. She’d said too much, just like she always did. Her cheeks started to burn.

“When I was little,” Ichigo suddenly said, a little bit too loud, “my mom told us that we could have whatever we wanted for dinner on our birthdays. One year, I…” he paused, his eyes darting over to Tatsuki. “I had just seen Kiki’s Delivery Service, and I was obsessed with that fish and pumpkin casserole the old lady makes?”

Orihime gasped, and clapped her hands over her mouth.

Uryuu rolled his eyes. “Who wasn’t, Kurosaki?”

Ichigo snorted, but his shoulders relaxed a little. “Anyway, it took her most of the day, and I think she must’ve gotten really frustrated at some point because me and my sisters got sent over to Tatsuki’s house so the Old Man could help her. It came out kind of lumpy and huge, but it was delicious, it was exactly what I had imagined it would taste like.”

“I remember that thing,” Tatsuki added. “She made us come over for dinner because there was so much of it. It was incredible.”

“We didn’t do Birthday Dinners for a few years after she died,” Ichigo said slowly. “But then after Yuzu got good at cooking, she said she wanted to try doing it again. My dad really likes the Godfather movies and he always used to ask for spaghetti for his birthday, which it turns out isn’t that hard to make. Karin and me helped out, and we’ve been doing it again ever since. We don’t usually do fancy stuff, it’s just nice to get to pick.”

“Ichigo made me omurice on my birthday and let me use his body to eat it!” Kon announced.

“You didn’t have to tell everyone that,” Ichigo stammered, turning pink. “It’s the only thing I’m good at making.”

“My abuelo always used to sing Las Mañanitas on my birthday,” Chad put in. “First thing in the morning. Sometimes he would come into my room and wake me up. Sometimes I would come down for breakfast and he would be there, with his guitar. He wouldn’t even say ‘good morning’ until he’d sung Las Mañanitas.”

Orihime’s spirits lifted a little. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

Rukia crossed her arms over her chest. “Renji gets up at the crack of dawn. I’m certainly not going over to his place to sing at him while he mixes up his horrible protein beverages.”

“Well, it wouldn’t have to be exactly that,” Orihime went on. “I just thought, since his birthday was coming up in a few weeks, maybe we could throw him a party here, in the World of the Living that was… I don’t know… a little more heartfelt than just going out drinking.”

“I think that’s a very thoughtful idea, Inoue,” Uryuu said.

“Oh! I was worried you wouldn’t want to help, because… you know.”

“I had a row with Ryuuken last week,” Uryuu sniffed. “I’m honestly in the mood to do something nice for a shinigami. Besides, it’s Abarai, he doesn’t really count anymore.” He paused for a moment. “You either, of course, Kuchiki.”

“You wanna have it at my house?” Ichigo offered. “Since me and Tatsuki are the only ones with backyards, and I don’t imagine Tatsuki would want to explain this to her mom.”

“I appreciate that,” Tatsuki put in. “I can help though, if you want. In my family, we like to decorate, and I still have a bunch of streamers and balloons left over from last week.” She gestured at Orihime’s drawing. “We could probably make him a banner or something out of that. It’s pretty good!”

“Oh, that’s such a good idea!” Orihime exclaimed. She should have known her friends would be helpful. She flipped to a new page on her notepad, and began to write things down.

“I can help decorate!” Kon piped up. “I am very artistic, you know!”

“I can bring my guitar,” Chad offered. “I don’t know if Abarai wants to hear me sing…”

Ichigo shoved him in the shoulder. “Shut up. We always want to hear you sing and you never do. If Renji doesn’t want to hear you sing, he’s got no taste and also, he can suck it.”

Rukia rubbed her forehead, like she felt a headache coming on. “Renji goes to all his friends’ poetry readings and community theater and open mic nights. I am sure he would be overjoyed to be serenaded by Chad.”

“What about you, Uryuu?” Orihime asked. “I know you and your father don’t get along, but is there anything that you associate with feeling special on your birthday?”

Uryuu’s face contorted for a moment. “Ah, there is, but I’m sure it’s not helpful.”

“Maybe it will give us an idea,” Chad prodded.

Uryuu frowned. “Well, when I was very small, my mother used to make me a new kimono every year. She was… a very skilled seamstress.” He frowned. “I don’t have Abarai’s measurements, and besides, he couldn’t take it back to Soul Society anyway.”

Kon perked up. “Ichigo! Ichigo, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Ichigo jabbed a finger Uryuu. “Yuzu just got a bedazzler and she has a ton of t-shirt paint! We could bedazzle him a t-shirt! For his gigai! I’ll even keep it in my closet for him with all of Rukia’s crap!”

“Kurosaki, no,” Uryuu insisted.

“Kurosaki, yes,” Ichigo insisted. “It’s like you’ve never even met the man. I’m gonna make the most Renji t-shirt you’ve ever seen and he’s gonna love it so hard he’ll make me his new best friend.”

“I want to help,” Chad put in.

“You may,” Ichigo replied magnanimously.

“It was my idea-- whoa, Rukia, watch out!” Kon cried as he went tumbling to the ground.

Rukia was practically crawling over Chad, trying to punch Ichigo in the head. “He’s my best friend, you ass!”

“He is for now,” Ichigo replied ominously.

“You are my beloved protege, but I will end you, Kurosaki.”

“Kuchiki-san?” Orihime asked tentatively. “Do you think you could come up with a way to get him to come here? I think it should be a surprise, so you would probably have to make up a story...I understand if you don’t want to.”

Rukia looked up from where she was half-hanging over Chad’s shoulder. “Of course I can do that. I love lying to Renji. He can usually tell when I’m lying to him, but he’ll go along with whatever I say anyway.”

“Oh, good!” Orihime replied, a wave of relief washing over her. She had no idea how they would get Renji here otherwise. Mr. Urahara, maybe. Maybe.

Rukia’s brows creased as she rearranged herself to sit on the back of the couch between Chad and Ichigo. “Did you think I would say no?”

“Well… it didn’t seem like you thought this was a very good idea.”

Rukia’s cheeks colored and she waved her hands. “No, no! It’s not that at all! I think it’s a great idea! It’s really sweet of all of you. Renji’s so easy-going, people always… never mind! I’ll help however I can!”

“Try to find out what meal he might like,” Uryuu suggested. Kon was now sitting on his head. “That sounded nice and I can help cook.”

“That’s a no-brainer,” Rukia replied. “He hasn’t stopped talking about Chad’s burritos since the Advance Team mission ended.”

“Burritos are easy,” Chad agreed, “especially if Uryuu helps.”

“What about you, Rukia?” Tatsuki asked. “You have a brother, right? What do you do for family birthdays in Soul Society?”

Ichigo made a Big Yikes face, and Rukia shoved him in the head again. Orihime had stayed with the Kuchiki siblings when she was training in Soul Society, and while Byakuya could be pretty stiff, she was under the impression that he and Rukia were both working to have a better relationship.

“Kuchiki birthdays are very formal,” Rukia said regally, and then frowned. “Mostly, a bunch of Honored Relatives come over for dinner and you have to wear fancy clothes and it’s kind of a pain.” She thought for a moment. “Brother gave me a beautiful set of colored pencils for my last birthday. It’s hard to buy him presents, because he’s so particular and he usually just buys the things that he wants. He writes a lot of letters, though, so I went to my favorite stationery store and bought him some pretty paper I thought he would like. I figured that if I picked wrong, he could just use it to send letters to people he hates.” Rukia’s eyes softened. “He really liked it, actually. I guess he’s not very used to getting gifts that people have spent any time thinking about.”

“Thoughtful gifts are such a nice idea!” Orihime nodded eagerly.

“It’s hard, though,” Uryuu added, “because of the whole matter conversion issue.”

“What,” Ichigo bit off, “is not thoughtful about a t-shirt covered in rhinestones?”

“If all of you help me think of something, I will buy it for him back in Soul Society,” Rukia promised. “Not sunglasses, though. I already bought him sunglasses.”

“Isn’t his birthday, like a month away?” Ichigo frowned.

“Sometimes I plan ahead! Shut up!” Rukia scowled. “Brother and I also like to make each other cards. Brother is an amazing artist, obviously, mine hardly compare to his, but he is very gracious about my efforts.”

“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea, Rukia!” Orihime agreed, writing down “cards” on her notes. She looked over her list. “I think this is shaping up to be a very good birthday!”

---

“Thanks for agreeing to come along,” Rukia said to Renji when he showed up at her front door on the morning of August 31. “How’s your head?”

“I feel great, but I hydrate tirelessly and also, I wasn’t the one who got into a drinking contest with Captain Komamura. How’s your head?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rukia replied.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just go? I’m sure I can-- did I read your text right? Ichigo got his soul stuck in Kon’s lion body and we have to go get him out? I… can probably handle that if you need to stay home and sleep it off.”

“Learn to read, oaf. Ichigo got his soul stuck in Kon’s lion body and we are going to laugh at him. Obviously, I wouldn’t miss that for anything.”

“Ahhhh, okay, that makes a lot more sense!”

“C’mon, we should get moving before Orihime takes pity on him or something.” She waved him inside. “Don’t worry, Brother said it was fine to use the family senkaimon.”

“Ah, good morning, Captain!” Renji said, his voice bright with nervous energy.

Rukia turned around and blinked. Sure enough, Byakuya was looming in the foyer. He had definitely not been in the entry thirty seconds ago.

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” Byakuya replied. “How delightful to see you in my house on a Sunday morning.”

“Brother, we talked about this,” Rukia pressed. “We had a whole discussion.”

Byakuya ignored her and plowed on. “I did not expect to see you today, but since you are here, I have something for you.” He held out a handsome, hardcover book. Gingerly, Renji accepted it and frowned at the cover. “It is the next book in the Tales of the Iron Army series,” Byakuya explained. “You are a fan of that series, are you not?”

Renji’s mouth gaped a little. “This isn’t… out… yet…”

“The publisher is an acquaintance of mine,” Byakuya said, looking off into the middle distance. “He offered me an advance copy, so I asked for two.”

“Uh, um, thanks, sir!” Renji managed.

“Think nothing of it,” Byakuya said stiffly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am extremely busy this morning.”

Rukia stared, gape-mouthed at the spot where Byakuya had been standing a moment previous. She wasn’t allowed to use shunpo in the house.

“What?” Renji choked out.

“Sometimes people just give him things,” Rukia shrugged, trying to play it off, but secretly fuming. She had told Byakuya that Renji was coming over and to (1) not mention his birthday and (2) not be weird. 0 for 2, Brother.

“Rukia,” Renji reiterated, and when she finally looked over, he was holding up a little slip of cardstock that had apparently been tucked into the front cover of the book. On it was painted a little watercolor Wakame Ambassador. He was wearing a humorous hat. In Byakuya’s immaculate calligraphy were the words ‘Congratulations. You are now older. You will still never defeat me.’ Renji stared at Rukia, as if this were somehow her fault. “W-h-a-t?” he mouthed very slowly and deliberately, no actual sound coming out of his mouth.

“Give me that!” Rukia snapped, grabbing both the book and the card out of his hand. “I told him we were going to the Living World, I don’t know why he couldn’t have given you this when we got back. Mikan!”

Rukia’s loyal maid immediately appeared at her elbow. “Yes, miss?”

Renji blinked. “How does everyone in this house move like that?”

“Hold onto this for Renji until we get back, okay? You can put it with the, um, other stuff.”

“Yes, miss.”

“What other stuff?” Renji asked, a grin tugging at the side of his mouth.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You just said ‘put it with the other stuff’?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“You must have misheard, Lieutenant Abarai,” Mikan added sweetly.

“Maybe you should clean your ears out once in a while, dummy,” Rukia suggested.

“Are we really going to the Living World today, or was it just a ploy to get me over here?” Renji asked, doing a double take when he realized that Mikan had disappeared again.

“We’re really going!” Rukia protested, marching into the bowels of the house. “‘A ploy’, ha! You wish.”

“It is my birthday,” Renji pointed out, sounding a little suspicious.

“And we had your birthday party last night! What more do you want?”

“Nothing, actually! Very good birthday, as birthdays go!” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Thanks for coming, by the way.”

Rukia rolled her eyes. “As if I wouldn’t come.”

Renji shrugged. “Well…you didn’t, for a long time. And those weren’t as fun. So thanks. For coming.”

Rukia opened her mouth and then closed it again. She didn’t know what to say to that.

Fortunately, Renji had a keen instinct for changing the subject when things got awkward. “Were you there when Rangiku’s boob fell out? She says that since it was the right one, it’s a sign that this is going to be an auspicious year for me.”

“I did! I was talking to Momo and we were basically at Ground Zero when it happened! I can’t believe Hisagi was in the restroom.”

“He’s probably still sobbing about it.”

They continued to recap the best parts of the party as they traveled through the senkaimon and picked up their gigai from Urahara’s, but there was something nagging at Rukia, something that had been nagging at her ever since Orihime, with her giant, squishy heart, had suggested that Renji deserved something better on his birthday, something which Rukia knew was unequivocally true.

“Oi, Renji,” she said suddenly as they turned onto Ichigo’s street. Renji was in the middle of a story about Iba’s sideburns, but she’d heard it before, and they both knew he was only telling it to fill the time.

“Eh?” he replied.

“I, uh, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry that our birthdays were so shitty growing up,” she said quickly. “Sorry in the sympathy sense, not the guilt sense. We were just kids, it’s not like there’s much more we could have done. Just... it sucked and it’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

Renji was staring at her with a look of mild horror on his face. “You thought our birthdays sucked?”

Rukia stared back at him. “They weren’t great, that’s for sure.”

Renji’s face fell a little. “Oh. I’m sorry you feel that way. We… we did try, you know. I remember stealing blankets for your birthday, to make sure we had enough for all of us. We always used to try to make sure we had something to eat that day, too.”

Rukia flushed. “I wasn’t talking about me, dummy!” She paused. “You did? Crap. Now I feel even worse.”

“My birthday’s in August,” Renji shrugged. “We didn’t need to worry about freezing our asses off. And we almost always managed to do something fun that day. Going fishing or making a bonfire or lying on the roof and looking at the stars.” Renji gave a rueful little chuckle. “You know, it’s fun when everyone gets together to get smashed on my birthday, but there are so many people and you can hardly hear what anyone is saying. Those old days… I dunno. I guess maybe they just felt a little more personal. When we were here on Tatsuki and Ichigo’s birthday, Orihime was telling me about family birthdays, and I think our old birthdays were a lot like that. Just some nice time spent with the people I like best.”

“You’re such a sap,” Rukia said, trying to keep her voice from wobbling.

“Like you didn’t know that,” Renji snorted. “I’m definitely gonna give Ichigo a hard time, but I’m actually kinda glad he managed to pull this bonehead move on my actual birthday. It’s a good excuse to come see him, and I got to spend a little quality time with you, to boot. Was kinda nice to see the captain, actually, even though he made a quick exit.” Renji sucked his teeth for a moment. “After we get Ichigo sorted, I don’t ‘spose you’d mind taking a little stroll around town and seeing what the other kids are up to today?”

Rukia had her hand on the gate that led to the Kurosaki back yard. “That… could probably be arranged.” She pushed the gate open.

“SURPRISE!”

Confetti filled the air. Someone was blowing an air horn. Everyone (except Uryuu) was wearing very bedazzled t-shirts. Even Kon, sitting on Chad’s shoulder, wore a tiny one with an even tinier lion on it.

“Happy birthday, Renji!”

“Happy birthday, you old geezer!”

“We made you burritos!”

Rukia looked up at Renji. He had one hand clapped over his mouth and his eyes were wide. “Happy birthday, dumbass,” she said softly.

“Excuse me, I will be right back,” Renji said, turning on his heel and walking out the gate.

Orihime’s eyes went wide. “Oh, no! What did we do?”

Rukia held up her hands. “Just give him a second, he’s fine.”

The Karakura kids barely had time to exchange worried glances when Renji burst back in through the gate, at full volume. “What the Hell is this?” he roared. “And where did you get those t-shirts?”

“We made them!” Ichigo shouted back, and thrust a poorly wrapped bundle into Renji’s hands. “We made you one, too!”

Renji enthusiastically tore open his present and held up its contents. “Rukia,” he gasped. “Rukia, look.”

“Chad drew the Hihiou Zabimaru,” Ichigo explained proudly. “I was the one who wrote ‘OH YEAH!!’”

“It’s so beautiful,” Renji sniffed. “Here, Rukia, hold this!” He shoved the shirt into Rukia’s arms and immediately began to wrestle off the one he was currently wearing.

“Uh… buddy…” Tatsuki frowned, trying to throw her hand up in front of Orihime’s eyes, but also unable to tear her eyes away. “That is… a lot… of tattoos…”

“It’s okay, we’ve all seen it,” Orihime reassured her, pushing Tatsuki’s hand away.

“Never mind seeing it again,” Kon added philosophically.

“How does it look?” Renji asked, once he’d gotten dressed again. He was flexing his biceps for good measure.

“It’s a little tight,” Rukia replied, but it didn’t stop her from looking.

“That’s how hot people wear their clothes, Rukia,” Ichigo informed her. “Get with it.”

“I love this so much!” Renji declared, looking down at his own torso again. “I can’t believe you all made this for me. I am so happy!”

“Brace yourself, Abarai,” Uryuu said, “but this is about 1% of the birthday festivities Orihime planned for you.”

Orihime’s cheeks turned pink and she waved her hands frantically. “Everyone chipped in, I hardly did anything!”

“We know you don’t like cake, so we put a candle in a burrito for you,” Ichigo said, jerking his thumb toward the picnic table. “Come sit in front of it, so Chad can sing you your birthday song.”

“We saved you the lawn chair without any wobbly legs,” Kon added generously.

On his way past, Renji slung his arm around Orihime’s shoulders. “Thanks, kid,” he murmured.

Orihime looked up at him. “You’re our friend and I just wanted you to know how special we think you are on your birthday.”

Renji stared at her for a moment, an expression on his face like he wasn’t sure how to make words come out. Suddenly, he tightened his elbow around his neck and crashed the knuckles of his other hand fiercely into her scalp. “I love all of you, too!” he laughed.

“You can’t noogie Orihime!” Ichigo and Tatsuki yelled at the same time, and promptly tripped over each other in an attempt to tackle him. Uryuu flung a pinecone at Renji’s head. With his typical perfect aim, it would have been a direct hit, except that Kon had leapt from Chad’s shoulder directly into its trajectory and got beaned in the face instead.

Orihime was laughing and shouting “That tickles, that tickles!” Renji was cackling. Chad stood, dumbfounded, his guitar hanging around his neck.

“Rukia… avenge us…” Ichigo groaned from the ground.

“On one hand, it’s his birthday and Renji should get to noogie whomever he wants,” Rukia declared loftily. “On the other hand, Orihime is a precious angel. On the third hand, suck it, Abarai!”

She launched herself at him.

#renji's birthday 2k21 #my writing #please excuse my kon liberties #i've read too many murderlight fics

[recurring-polynya]

I know I missed Renji's birthday but if you ever have time, I would absolutely love to see anything about Renji and Orihime's friendship. I always headcanon him as her no.1 weird bakery experiment supporter, but really anything would be great! They just seem like they would be each other's go-to supports and I would love to see your take on them!

Anon, I have no excuse for why this took so long! RenHime BroTP is one of my very favorite things, but I managed to draw a huge blank on this and then I went through two concepts that didn’t work before I managed to hit on one that did. (Also, I did write two other Renji & Orihime stories in the Time of Many Drabbles, one where they make a cake and one where they act out Orihime’s fanfic)

Anyway, I love the Advance Team Arc, please enjoy this Advance Team Arc story about Renji and Orihime trying to cheer Rukia up by going thrifting, ft. the all-time greatest Renji clothing item.

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Orihime was headed outside for lunch, thinking longingly about her curry tuna fish sandwich, when a low, gravelly voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Oi, Inoue. You gotta moment?”

Abarai was leaning up against the wall of the school, his eyes scanning the school yard like he was waiting for a brawl to break out. Abarai reminded Orihime a lot of a guy in a prison movie. Not the guy that masterminded the prison break, but the guy who had the whole prison figured out and knew how to get illicit goods and would help the main guy escape even though they were sort of frenemies. Orihime found him a little bit scary, but in a cool way. They probably didn’t have motorcycles in Soul Society, but if they did, Orihime would bet money that Abarai would ride one.

“Sure!” she announced eagerly, and followed in his shadow as he silently rounded the corner of the building. He moved very quietly for such a big person, unlike Ichigo and Chad, who crashed and thumped wherever they went, especially when they went somewhere together.

“I gotta problem and I’m hopin’ you’ll be able to help me out a little.” Abarai shifted his shoulders a little, obviously uncomfortable in his school uniform.

Orihime knew all about the stresses of the undercover lifestyle. Clearly, he needed someone for an inside job, someone who knew all the subtleties of living a normal human existence. Fortunately for him, Orihime had been a normal human almost her entire life. “How can I be of assistance, Lieutenant Abarai?” she barked.

Abarai blinked at her. “Er. It’s not really mission-related. I need, um, some advice, I guess.”

Orihime set her jaw and tightened her fists. “I am short on life experience, but I have read many magazines. Ask me anything.”

Abarai waved his hands. “No! No! Look, you’re friends with Rukia, right?”

“Yes!” Orihime agreed. That was an easy one.

Abarai nodded quickly, happy to have found some firm footing at last. “The thing is, she’s been taking Ichigo’s vanishing act kinda hard.”

Orihime gave a tiny nod, her fingernails digging into her palms. The truth was, there was a dull, Ichigo-sized ache in her own heart, as well. She couldn’t stop wondering where he was and what he was up to and if he was getting good hearty lunches. She imagined it must be a thousand times worse for Rukia who had come all the way from Soul Society to just to see him.

“She gets real crabby when she’s worried,” Abarai continued on, continuing to scan the grounds, presumably for lurking Rukias. “She’s been getting on me for not having enough spare clothes for my gigai. I wouldn’t usually let her boss me around like this, but I thought it would make her feel better so I told her we could go, ah, shopping.”

“Oh, that’s so nice!” cried Orihime.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a prince. But here’s the thing: Even though Captain Hitsugaya outranks me, I am technically the mission manager, which means I’m in charge of the budget, and I’d really, really like to come out in the black. Matsumoto already conned me out of a significant portion of the petty cash. I don’t think Rukia has a real good handle on human money and I sure as hell don’t. I told Rukia that we should ask one of her friends to come along and she said she’d ask you, and I just was hoping you could help me keep things, y’know, frugal, without making a big deal about it.”

Abarai looked a little sheepish even asking. Orihime remembered the size of Rukia’s house back in Soul Society, the beautiful kimono she had worn once she was no longer a criminal. Orihime knew all about having friends who had more money than you. Her resolve hardened and slammed her fist into her open palm. “A strict budget is no reason not to look your best!” she announced. “You have come to the right person, Lieutenant Abarai! I, Inoue Orihime, Thrifting Champion of Karakura, will help you out!”

Abarai’s face washed over with relief, followed very quickly by confusion. “The what champion?” he echoed.

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“You are a saint, Orihime!” Rukia declared as they marched down the street, arm in arm, Renji trailing grumpily a few paces behind, his hands stuffed in his pockets. “A gem! I offered to borrow something from Ichigo’s father for him, but this ingrate was having none of it.”

There was some low-pitched muttering from behind them.

Orihime was trying to picture Renji in the pink, ruffled tuxedo shirt Dr. Kurosaki had worn under his lab coat the last time he set Tatsuki’s sprained ankle. “I don’t think Dr. Kurosaki’s style would be quite right for him,” she suggested diplomatically. “I… guess… he’s supposed to be a teenager?”

Rukia heaved a sigh. “I suppose you’re correct, as usual.” She craned her head back over her shoulder for a moment. “You owe Orihime an ice cream for this, Lieutenant Hopeless!” She swung her head forward again with a huff. Renji shot Orihime a wink.

Orihime couldn’t quite figure out Rukia and Renji’s exact relationship. Rukia has described Renji as “her friend.” On one hand, she hadn’t said about the shinigami from Ten or Eleven. On the other, she called Renji a lot of rude names and harangued him a lot. Renji had seemed pretty concerned about Rukia when he had pulled Orihime aside that afternoon, but now he was all slouches and scrunchy eyebrows. He reminded Orihime of Ichigo.

Oh! Maybe there was something to that! Maybe Renji was being a grouch on purpose so that Rukia could yell at him and feel like she was yelling at Ichigo. Wow! That was some master-level friendship. Orihime wondered if she should be taking notes.

“Ah, here we are!” she exclaimed, pointing at a little, tucked away shop front.

“What sort of shop is this?” Rukia frowned, examining the cluttered store window.

“It’s a thrift store,” Orihime explained. “People sell old, but well-made clothes to the shop, and they resell them for much cheaper than new clothes. Sometimes you can find really neat vintage, designer things that a rich person only wore a few times and decided they didn’t want. Uryuu likes to look for really ugly things made from nice fabrics and then re-tailor them. I have to modify a lot of my clothes, too, because of-- well, you know.” She gestured vaguely at her chest.

“What a brilliant idea!” Rukia proclaimed. “That’s so practical! Renji, isn’t Orihime a genius?”

“I didn’t come up with the idea,” Orihime mumbled self-consciously.

“Maybe you should open a shop to sell off your brother’s spare kimono,” Renji suggested airily. He was definitely baiting Rukia now, Orihime could see it when she watched for it.

“I should!” Rukia declared, closing her eyes haughtily. “People would probably pay twice just because he wore them!”

Renji just snorted.

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“How about these?” Rukia asked, holding up a pair of jeans. “They look like the kind Ichigo wears.”

Orihime pulled her head out of the rack of pants she was sorting through, and Renji’s head popped up from the next aisle. “Hmm,” she said, tapping her finger on her lips. She knew what she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to make Renji feel self-conscious by talking about his body and also, she didn’t want to make it obvious how much time she’d spent looking at Kurosaki’s butt. “Those are skinny jeans. Abarai is a lot, um, more muscular? than Kurosaki-kun? He would do better with a straight leg cut, I think.” She wished Uryuu were here. She didn’t know that much about men’s clothes, but she had heard him say that once while lamenting Chad’s tragic commitment to bootleg cuts.

Apparently, Rukia had no such qualms about Renji’s positive body image. “Hear that, Thunder Thighs? This is where all those squats get you.”

If this bothered Renji, he didn’t let it show. “My thighs are majestic, Rukia. Some people enjoy a guy with a little meat on his bones, for your information.”

Rukia laughed then, a sharp, amused guffaw, almost a cackle. Orihime looked up suddenly. She was sure she’d heard Rukia laugh before, but it had been a high-pitched giggle, a girlish titter. There was a gleam in the shorter woman’s eyes, and at first, Orihime thought she was being mean to Abarai, but when she glanced at him, his eyes were twinkling and he had a slight smile on his face.

Orihime got the sudden sense that she was interrupting something, although she wasn’t sure how you could interrupt someone making fun of someone else. She ducked her head and focused on rifling through the rack of pants in front of her. “How about these?” she asked, holding up a likely candidate.

“Those look pretty worn out,” Renji frowned.

“They’re distressed, Renji,” Rukia explained pompously. “It’s human fashion. They come that way. It presents the illusion of leading a rough and tough, adventurous lifestyle, even for fancy boys like you.”

“Rukia,” Renji scolded her. “Members of the Sixth Company do not walk around with their knees on display, for anyone to see.”

Rukia snorted, and Orihime suspected they were making yet another inside joke. “How’s he gonna find out? And if he does, you can just tell him you fell down the stairs, he would definitely believe that.”

“Er, here’s another pair without any holes,” Orihime offered. “They’re black.” Uryuu also had a lot of opinions on black jeans, but she was pretty sure Renji could pull them off.

“Thank you, Inoue,” Renji said, extra-graciously, reaching over the rack to accept them.

“You better try them both on!” Rukia yelled in her bossy voice. “I demand to see the forbidden knees!”

“Whatever, you’ve seen ‘em, before,” Renji muttered, but he was still smiling.

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“Hey, Inoue!”

Orihime ducked past a rack of sweatervests, to where Renji was contemplating a leather jacket.

“Do humans still wear stuff like this? I know they were pretty popular a few decades ago.”

“Oh, yes,” Orihime agreed. “It’s a timeless look.”

Renji looked mildly shocked, but happy.

“That’s a really nice one,” Orihime added. “You should try it on.”

Renji didn’t seem like he needed a lot of encouragement to slip it over his shoulders. “I had a roommate who had one of these,” he admitted. “They look pretty dumb over a shihakushou, but Iba has never once let looking like a moron slow him down.” He grinned. “I was jealous as hell of it.”

Orihime clapped her hands. “Oh, Abarai, it looks so good on you!” It wasn’t even an exaggeration. It was black, a classic motorcycle cut, and it fit him perfectly. Orihime amended her mental movie casting of Renji: in a jacket like that, he could definitely be the protagonist of an American motorcycle movie, flicking cigarettes into the gutter and leaving a broken-hearted girl pining after him after he got run out of town for Raising Too Much Hell.

“Is it expensive?” Renji asked, holding out the sleeve with the price tag. “I don’t know what a jacket is supposed to cost.”

“It’s a very practical wardrobe staple,” Orihime advised. “Especially this time of year. It’s just starting to be jacket weather, and this will carry you through until winter, unless we have an especially cold one.” She checked the tag. “Leather jackets aren’t cheap, but this is a very good value. If you can afford it, I think it’s worth it.”

“I think I can make it work,” Renji murmured, obviously doing a bit of mental math.

“Hey, Abarai,” Orihime said, leaning forward, and keeping her voice low.

“Eh?”

“Is it going the way you planned? Do you think we’re cheering Rukia up?”

Renji opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I think we at least took her mind off him for a bit. What do you think?”

Orihime contemplated. “She seems like she’s having a good time. I think she liked looking at your butt when you were trying on pants.” Renji raised a skeptical eyebrow. To be fair, Abarai had a very nice butt. Orihime was pretty sure she still preferred Kurosaki’s butt, but it hadn’t exactly been a trial. “On the other hand, she does yell at you a lot,” Orihime said quickly. “She’s very difficult to read.”

“Yeah, I know. It takes some practice,” Renji replied. “And she hasn’t been yelling at me. You haven’t begun to see Rukia yelling at me.” He rubbed his chin. “I think we’re doing a good job. Thanks, Inoue! I couldn’t have pulled this off on my own.”

Orihime blushed. “Oh, I haven’t really done anything!”

“I think you und--”

Orihime never found out what Renji was going to say, because Rukia came skidding into the coat aisle. She was wearing a denim vest, a feather boa, and a cowboy hat, and clutching something in her hands. “Hey! Hey, Renji! Renji, I just fou...nd…” She trailed off as her eyes scanned Abarai up and down, lingering on the leather jacket. Her mouth dropped open a little.

Orihime’s eyes darted to Renji, who looked paralyzed by this development. His hand went to his hair self-consciously, his fingers getting caught in his bandana awkwardly.

If Orihime had felt like a third wheel up until this point, she realized that sometimes bicycles can be very hard to ride if you aren’t used to them, and third wheels are helpful when you’re in danger of tipping over and crashing. “Rukia, look at the jacket Renji found! He’s being waffley! Help me convince him to get it!”

Rukia came back to herself suddenly. “It fits you perfectly, you fool! Listen to Orihime.”

“I dunno,” Renji drawled, having pulled his act together as well. “It’s kinda expensive.” He started to grab another coat off the rack. It was tweed and had elbow patches. “Might keep looking for a bit.”

“No!” Rukia commanded, and Renji’s hand reflexively dropped the hanger like he’d just touched something hot. Rukia cleared her throat self-consciously. “Speaking of things that are non-negotiable, look what I found for you!!” With a flourish, she unfurled the bundle in her hands, which happened to be a t-shirt.

At first, Orihime had no idea what she was looking at. Obviously, it was a t-shirt. If she had to guess, it had been printed by a garage band full of teens that played a lot of covers and had to bum rides to their gigs. There was a drippy looking skull and some words in English. It was objectively terrible. But in a charming way.

“I love it!” Renji shouted, with far too much enthusiasm. “I don’t read English very well, though, what does it say?”

“I don’t either,” Rukia admitted. “I think this says ‘red’, though.”

“It says ‘red pineapple,’” Orihime supplied. They had just finished the unit on fruits and vegetables in English class. She had gotten a 100 on the test.

Renji and Rukia both burst into gales of laughter.

“How much is it?” Renji wheezed. “I’ll pay a million kan for it.”

“They use yen here, you buffoon,” Rukia gasped. “It’s got an orange sticker, what does that mean?”

“That means it’s on special clearance,” Orihime explained, scanning the chart hung on the wall. “100 yen.”

“Ha, ha, that’s cheap! It’s mine!”

“You were skeptical,” Rukia lectured, wagging a finger, “But I told you, didn’t I, Renji? Orihime knows what she’s doing.”

Renji wiped a tear away from his eye. “Double ice cream for Orihime,” he agreed. “What would we do without her?”

Orihime’s face felt very hot. She waved her hands frantically. “Really, I didn’t--!”

“Also, remind me what ice cream is again.”

“You dummy!”

Orihime stopped protesting. Anyone who didn’t know what ice cream was definitely needed her help.

#my writing #renhime brotp #a little renruki too #for a treat #i may have gotten carried away with the inoue pov #i just love her so so much #bless her heart for putting up with these dipshits #i probably should have edited this an extra time #but i didn't #i am tired