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#she just wants companionship just wants connection can't stand the idea of being an empty collectible trinket
deiscension · 5 months
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Isn't it crazy how M.itski's Nobody is a deep dive on SQX's character development.... 'I just want somebody near me / Guess I'm a coward / I just want to feel alright'. 'And I know no one will save me.'
The heartache of realizing you never knew what it was like to be wanted, you didn't even know what it was like to be needed, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway because what you had wasn't yours and you still took it. You still took it and you couldn't give it back even when you tried because you weren't strong enough to say the right name when it mattered the most and you weren't brave or just enough to understand and condemn the one who poured blood all over your hands when he handed you a fate you were undeserving of. And really what does it say about you that you mourn what was despite the fact it never should have been? What does it say about you that even when you had it all there were pieces missing? Of course you'd never turn to resentment. That's not who you are, it never has been. It's not your right either. You'll find a way to die happy but that's not really the same as peace or contentment. Are you allowed to want after you've had? Hard to say.
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Optimus and his Ragtag Family
The dad instincts are strong in Optimus, he really can't help it. Going to earth has not made it any better.
Bumblebee
Bumblebee was the first to be spontaneously adopted by Optimus. He was and always will be Optimus precious little ray of sunshine. However Bee isn't a little sparkling any more, a fact that became far more apparent to the Prime after their arrival to earth. It's not necessarily a bad thing, in fact Optimus is very proud of his firstborn. Seeing Bee come into his own as an adult and a leader brings Optimus great joy. But that doesn't change the fact that his little one isn't all that little anymore, giving his parental coding the chance to make a reappearance.
Of course he still gets opportunities to love his precious sparkling. He often gives Bee small tender touches and hugs when there aren't too many optics watching. And he always is there to comfort and advise Bee, taking care to ensure his firstborn always feels loved. And while the opportunities are few and far between he will do his best to spend time with his youngling when possible.
Despite all that Optimus has begun to feel the inklings of emptiness in his spark, almost as though something he had no idea was vital is missing. He wants to protect, to teach, to provide, and Bee is simply too old for Optimus to do many of those things for him in the capacity he did before.
Bumblebee, while still relying on Optimus on occasion, has begun to fend for himself, stepping into the realm of adulthood and leaving his childish connections behind. As such Optimus has turned to his team and the younglings with them to satisfy his desire to dote on someone.
Ratchet
While their relationship is more of a bond between friends than anything else, Optimus still dotes on Ratchet in typical older sibling fashion. He can be a bit overbearing at times but generally Optimus is just a very concerned friend and brother figure. And despite being the worst at caring for himself, Optimus is incredibly devoted when it comes to taking care of everyone else, especially Ratchet.
Optimus will check on Ratchet regularly, usually he just hangs around in the doorway for a moment until he confirms weather or not Ratchet has moved since his last check in. If Ratchet has not moved or looks a little unsteady, Optimus will drop in and silently slide over some energon or depending on the situation, maneuver Ratchet away from his project and to his berth for some well earned recharge.
On days where Ratchet refuses his more subtle efforts, Optimus will go full on big bro mode and pull out some tricks from his time as Orion. Generally in such instances Optimus will make himself enough of a nuisance for Ratchet to throw in the towel and take care of himself. He does this in numerous ways, ranging from purposefully moving Ratchet's tools to strange locations to consistently poking at him and being a smart alec until Ratchet gets tired of him.
Optimus always feels a little bad after such days and does his best to make it up to Ratchet later by leaving a treat or apology note at his station.
Arcee
Arcee can be prickly at times, as such it is a bit difficult for Optimus to figure out just where he stands outside of the role of Commanding Officer. He tends to act like a mix between a father figure and a concerned elderly neighbor around her as he is not sure what she would find acceptable. Thankfully she has yet to comment on his behavior, so Optimus has taken to assuming she is alright with his choice of persona.
As his relationship with her is rather unclear, he tends to dote on her in indirect ways. Things like leaving her little gifts, notes, and treats are common ways for him to take care of her. He will also simply sit beside her and offer his silent companionship when she is having a bad day. She has yet to reject him whenever he plops down next to her with an embroidery kit or a ball of yarn with knitting needles. Some days she will join him in his activity, other times she won't, either way, it doesn't bother Optimus.
Other times when Optimus is feeling a little more bold or Arcee is having a particularly bad bout of PTSD, he will give her hugs. On such occasions she always melts into his hold, sometimes crying against him and other times simply enjoying the feeling of being held. There are even times when she falls into recharge while he cradles her like he would a sparkling. His spark never ceases to flutter in fatherly joy when it happens. The fact that Arcee trusts him enough to fall into recharge in his embrace is something he cherishes.
Bulkhead & Wheeljack
Bulkhead and Wheeljack might as well be overgrown sparklings considering the way they act. With this in mind, Optimus often ends up taking a fatherly role when they require some comfort or discipline. It's not even intentional half the time, Optimus just has a lot of experience handling sparklings and seeing the behavior of Bulkhead and Wheeljack prompts his long since automated parental responses.
Wheeljack gets sent out to his ship or to his berthroom when he gets too rowdy or narrowly avoids a tool tossed by Ratchet. Bulkhead receives similar treatment when he acts up, often being assigned some dull desk work or being sent to his berthroom as well. Optimus does what he can to not make his treatment scream "punishing a misbehaving sparkling" but sometimes it can't really be hidden. His disappointed dad voice and his no-nonsense servos on the hips give him away when his persona of a stern commander slips.
However its not all punishment from him. When Wheeljack is struggling with some scientific endeavor Optimus will step up and offer his knowledge from his time as Orion Pax. Optimus always tells himself that he does this to keep Wheeljack from going too far. However this tends to backfire as Optimus has always been a sucker for science and always gets super into whatever Wheeljack is working on. Their combined intellect and interest often ends with an explosion of sorts, much to Ratchet's irritation.
As for Bulkhead, Optimus likes to assist when he can, and in most cases that means having to help the ex-wrecker figure out the meaning behind human slang and customs. As he was once an Archivist and student of Alpha Trion, obtaining the data is easy, however figuring it out is far more troubling. Bulkhead and Optimus can spend hours deciphering things on the internet if left uninterrupted. And usually when they walk away both are left a little out of it for a while. All in all, it is some quality not quite father-son bonding time.
Ultra Magnus
Ultra Magnus holds the unofficial title of Optimus's bonded brother. There are multiple reasons for this, partially it is due to the fact that Optimus trained him personally, but also because both are practically attached at the hip when they are together. Optimus leads and Ultra Magnus gets everyone lined up behind him. Optimus stands as a shining beacon representing the pinnacle of Cybertronian kind, a paragon of justice and wisdom. And in order to preserve this image, Ultra Magnus deals with the less savory things involved in both political and literal warfare.
They fit together perfectly, supporting each other and making up for the other's weaknesses. Their bond is both old and strong, forged through the flames of war and tempered by long years of strife. Due to this, Optimus has developed a unique method of caring for his brother in all but CNA.
They need no words most of the time. When Ultra Magnus is angry, Optimus takes him out for a spar in order to cool down. When he is unsettled or emotionally shaken, Optimus will sit beside him and converse about trivial things, holding his brother's servo to comfort him. And when he is injured, Optimus will stay at his side, offering his companionship and support, wiping away stray tears, and giving Ultra Magnus comforting touches.
Their bond is quiet, one that goes nearly completely unnoticed, however they are still brothers, even if no one else sees it.
Smokescreen
It really was unintentional on Optimus's part, but a youngling left unattended was simply too much for his parental drives and he gave in nearly immediately. Before anyone on the team could even finish getting used to Smokescreen's presence, he was already on the receiving end of Optimus's doting.
Smokescreen has 0 issues with his new unofficial father-son arrangement. Outside of his fanboy reasons for being excited about the arrangement, he also doesn't have many memories of his previous caretakers, the war took them early and he was drafted into the army soon after. Having someone who genuinely cares for and loves him is something he didn't know he needed and now can't live without. He is by far one of the most receptive to Optimus's affections.
Smokescreen leaps at every opportunity to be close to Optimus. He will take every offered hug and touch with exuberance and adores receiving head pats. He positively beams whenever the Prime tells him stories and gives him lessons in history. And whenever he feels down he always goes to Optimus with his arms open, eager for comfort.
Optimus, in light of Bumblebee's increasing maturity and independence, adores Smokescreen's openly childlike behavior when off duty. It brings back memories of when Bee was little and would look to him for guidance at every moment. Teaching and caring for Smokescreen brings Optimus joy he thought would fade with Bumblebee's rise into adulthood.
Both he and Smokescreen relish in the affection they receive from each other.
The Human Kiddos
Never in Optimus's functioning did he ever think he would ever get attached to an organic, much less develop an unnatural bond with three of them. It is an odd thing to say the least, having his parental coding insist that the human children are obviously his sparklings and that he should be treating them as such can be rather off-putting. However Optimus has experienced a great deal of strange things over the course of his long life, and quickly took the development in stride.
It can be a little difficult for Optimus to adjust his behavior to match his newest charges needs though. His coding tells him that the human children are sickly or disabled sparklings. This often drives him to constantly worry about them and want nothing more than for Primus to wrap them up in living metal so as to keep them safe. This particular mindset becomes especially evident with Rafael.
Rafael is the smallest of the human children, and thus quickly took up a place in Optimus's mind as the runt of the litter due to both his size and his apparent disablement because of his need for glasses. As such Optimus feels the need to take extra care of Rafael, carefully intervening in any situation that is marginally dangerous for the child and taking the time to learn his preferences and interests. Not only that, but he regularly finds himself humming at a frequency too high for human ears but very clearly meant to comfort a young sparkling to any bots in the area.
Outside of Optimus overprotectiveness, he and Raf bond over their love of language and regularly have discussions on the subject. And when Optimus has time he often tries his hardest to help Raf learn Cybertronian speech. It hurts his spark to see Raf struggle with the sounds as he does not have the correct vocal ability, Optimus's coding always telling him that his sparkling is damaged and in need of medical attention. He tries to push those feelings aside and instead tries to focus on feeling proud of Raf for managing the few words he can vocalize.
Optimus has since given Raf a Cybertronian name, referring to him as 'Bright-Sparked-Child-of-Terra' in Cybertronian when it is just him and the human children.
As for Miko, Optimus's coding insists that she was meant for the skies, a born flier despite her organic form. This influences his actions as he often puts her on his shoulder and and lets her observe the world around her as he would with a flight gifted sparkling. He also finds himself constantly ushering her away from tall ledges and places. Her organic armor being too soft to survive any attempts at flight and her small body having no wings so to speak of.
It is another thing that makes his spark clench. He knows she is human, but deep down he believes that if she were born of Primus she would soar with the skies as her kingdom. He does his best to sooth his own aching spark and Miko's own desire to experience the thrill of the air by taking her out for drives at his top speed. They bond over the excitement and the chance to let loose, Miko always returns to base cheerful afterwards.
She too was given a name. Optimus calls her 'Mistress-of-the-Terran-Skies', a name that comes out like a song when he speaks it.
Lastly there is Jack, the child who reminds Optimus of himself from his days as Orion. He can tell Jack is hurting, still suffering from old wounds and the combined stress of keeping his friends out of trouble and their repeated encounters with Decepticons. To Optimus he seems to be like one of the many sparklings left orphaned and traumatized during the height of the war. This too causes Optimus's spark to ache, no child should look like that.
As such Jack receives special care from Optimus, who approaches him as one would a stray cybercat. Slowly, and over a great length of time he allowed Jack to warm up to him, starting with comforting words and eventually leading the human child to sleep against Optimus's pede or shoulder. He is fond of telling Jack stories fit for sparklings when the boy is particularly tired, often tucking him in afterwards as best he can with servos as large as his.
His coding tells him that if Jack were created Cybertronian he would certainly be a great mech, his spirit and drive while subdued, tell him this. As such Optimus has given Jack the name 'Little-Light-of-Terra'.
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