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#shut up about your elf backflips you wanna hear about nirnaeth arnoediad and the kinslayings
deer-with-a-stick
·
8 months
Text
The more time I spend explaining Tolkien lore to my brother the more I realize that Tolkien was just batshit insane
#yes the world is flat and a globe at the same time
#and yes if you go off the edge you fall into the void with Satan 1.0 (assuming the Straight Road doesn't just railroad you)
#he calls Valinor “The place under some trees where everyone smokes weed” and honestly I wish they would do that instead
#bilbo and frodo bring weed to valinor quick
#i tried to explain the miriel-finwe situation and he's so confused
#“so they died and they were all sad even though they didn't have to stay dead?? but she couldn't come back because he remarried??”
#“but then he dies and says 'yo ill stay dead instead' and she's find now??”
#does the big God just keep making elf and human souls or do they just. appear
#i told him about Gil-Galad Son of Plothole
#he is quickly realizing that yes
#the valar are a bit incompetent
#its fine
#elrond's dad is a star his mom is a bird and his great great grandma is an angel
#my sister gave up two seconds in despite sparking this by asking me about elf lore
#apparently she actually just wants to know about legolas but not legolas' father because of the hobbit movies
#let me rant about feanorian politics it'll be interesting i promise
#shut up about your elf backflips you wanna hear about nirnaeth arnoediad and the kinslayings
#tolkien
#lotr
#lord of the rings
#silmarillion
#the silm
#is this a shitpost? idk
#he's batshit insane but the world is great i love it
#we still don't know where hobbits come from
#they appeared one day
#like potatoes
#i had one tidbit of legolas lore and that was
#the guy showed up several years late in a homemade boat with a dwarf
#incomprehensible screaming
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