#since she still didn't know alistair well and felt more comfortable with another woman around even though she never felt threatened by him

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This week on "CJ needs to gush about DAO": Morrigan's dark ritual.

I adore Origins because depending on how serious you take roleplay, every decision you make is a thread that leads back to your origin, and in this case of the ritual, who you choose to romance can have a major impact on how you handle this choice.

For context, my canon run is with a female Tabris who romances Alistair and keeps him as a Grey Warden, and is close friends with Morrigan. It's more in character for my Tabris to reject Morrigan's ritual and not even bring it up to Alistair, which would result in her leaving him behind while she makes the ultimate sacrifice in killing the archdemon... however, agreeing to convince Alistair to do the ritual with Morrigan is the only choice in the entire game where I break roleplay because I'm selfish and weak and I want Tabris to live.

I have a lot of strong feelings about the ritual, like it hurts me. It makes me want to chew on furniture. I can talk about it until I can talk no more. I so badly want to be strong enough to remain in character and reject the ritual.

Let me explain: Tabris survives an origin that deals with sexual assault. She gets kidnapped on her wedding day, she watches the other kidnapped women and her husband get murdered, and then is too late to save Shianni from being assaulted... and Tabris carries that trauma with her throughout the entire game.

If the way to save her life is to ask the two most important people she cares about; one being her lover and the other being her best friend; who she knows hate each other, to have dubiously consensual sex in order to make a baby to absorb the old god soul... she's saying no. The last thing Tabris would ever do is put someone into a sexual situation where consent is at all dubious after what she saw happen to Shianni and nearly happened to herself. She'd rather die than force that upon Alistair and Morrigan.

That's what I mean when I say origin affects everything; I know some will side eye that with "Really? Your warden would rather die than let Alistair sleep with another woman? It's one time, and Alistair agrees to it, so no one needs to die?"

Let me be clear in saying this isn't a "Morrigan slept with my man" issue. Sure, that part's awkward and it sucks, but that's not even breaking water tension, let alone diving into the deep waters to the core of the issue.

For my Tabris, this is about betrayal, consent, and accepting fate.

The person offering Tabris this deal is someone she thought of as a trusted friend who has actually been lying to her the entire time. It doesn't matter what Morrigan's intentions are now or if she genuinely wants to save the wardens. She knew from the beginning why Flemeth sent her with them, she admits as much. She knew a warden would need to make the ultimate sacrifice and then leveraged that to get what she wants. Morrigan waited until the night before, when Alistair and the warden learn one of them has to die to defeat the archdemon, and took advantage of the high running emotions and possibly the fear of dying to make the warden agree to her ritual.

At least, that's how my Tabris interprets this confrontation. She feels betrayed by someone she came to love like a sister and went out of her way to help Morrigan with her mother upon learning what's in Flemeth's grimoire. And then that someone tells her no one needs to die, she just needs to convince Alistair to sleep with her... which is a huge fucking problem.

The Alistair and Tabris romance is slow; it took a long time for either of them to be comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and trusting each other with basic intimacy, let alone sex. Tabris is mortified at the idea of putting Alistair in this situation. Not only would it feel like a betrayal on her part to ask that of him, but she knows the last thing Alistair ever wants to do is father a bastard who then goes on to grow up without him. How could she possibly ask him to do that?

Then you consider that ritual or no, there isn't a guarantee that they'll survive anyway. Say they do the ritual and Tabris dies anyway; she made Alistair sleep with Morrigan in order to save her and then she died anyway. Or if Alistair dies then Tabris gets to live with the fact that the last person Alistair was with was a woman he hates because she asked that of him… and either way, Morrigan gets to walk away with what she wanted.

Tabris led the group, and she's accepted that if Riordan dies [which he does] then she'll be the one to make the sacrifice, even if it means breaking both hers and Alistair's heart.... except she doesn't because I'm a coward who doesn't want to lose her because my worldstate isn't good without her in it but I also refuse to lose Alistair so I just pretend it plays out differently in my head it's fine-

But... that's how I play Tabris and view the situation. My friend @pi-creates and I have discussed the dark ritual at length. While I play a Tabris who romances Alistair, Pi plays a Mahariel who romances Morrigan, so we have vastly different interpretations of the ritual itself and Morrigan's intentions.

Which yeah, it makes total sense that someone who romanced Morrigan with a different origin, and has the option to do the ritual with her rather than asking someone else to do it, wouldn't see this the way I do.

To quote Pi: "Playing as a male warden in the Morrigan romance makes the whole situation feel different, and maybe it’s because she’s presenting it differently due to the emotional connection, but it feels more like she’s opening up about her initial instructions (that she had been given by Flemeth) and offering a solution to avoid the possibility of death. And for my Mahariel, the constant threat of sudden death has haunted him from the start – he caught the blight and was ripped away from his clan (something he did not want to do in the slightest), got forced into a Grey Warden ritual that could kill him, was forced into a battle that could kill him, going on this whole quest that he never wanted but has now become responsible for regardless of his thoughts on the matter… the dark ritual may be one of the few moments where he is presented with an option to decide if he wants to walk into certain death, or take actions of his own volition to stop it.

"The idea of the ritual still feels like a dodgy thing to do since the ultimate outcome is unknown at that point, he’s taking Morrigan at her word that it will save the warden and that this child would be unharmed, just with an old god soul that she isn’t exactly clear on why she wants that and is determined to runaway immediately after the battle to secure it properly. It could be interpreted that it’s purely a preservation thing, but I’m biased to wanting Morrigan's intentions to not be power based.

"But also, taking part in the ritual isn’t as outlandish for my warden since he and Morrigan have already been involved in an intimate relationship. It’s the future of the ritual that is scarier – the idea of this old-god baby, and the idea of Morrigan insisting that she’s leaving afterwards when Mahariel and her have a loving relationship. He’s hurting, but he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want Alistair to die, he doesn’t want Morrigan to leave, he definitely doesn’t want pregnant Morrigan to leave on her own… it’s complicated, but for completely different reasons."

And I find that fascinating. I want to know how other players approach this part of DAO, what origins they play, and who they romanced. Seriously, this is an invitation to anyone reading to share their thoughts.

What about a warden who doesn't even have Alistair in their party because they made Loghain a warden? Is there anyone out there who has Loghain do the ritual with Morrigan and why? What about male wardens who don't romance her? Do you choose to do it with her anyway, or do you ask Alistair or Loghain to do it? Do you tell Morrigan to fuck off with the ritual? Why? Who makes the ultimate sacrifice in that case? And what about Morrigan herself? How do you interpret her intentions/motivations? I want to know.

I'm telling you, this is a discussion that gets me excited, as most discussions about DAO do.

#dao #dragon age origins #alistair theirin #dao alistair #dao morrigan #da morrigan #tw: sa mention #long post #i love origins so much #every time i replay i end up on discord having this discussion with pi because it makes me *emotional* #and yes this is why i was looking up alistair's dialogue about a dead warden before #also want to clear up that while i am harsh on morrigan based on how my tabris feels i don't hate her or anything i love her #morrigan's one of my favorite characters and that's why the whole thing hurts like... tabris was happy for her to come along with them #since she still didn't know alistair well and felt more comfortable with another woman around even though she never felt threatened by him #and for them both to be her closest companions like.... it's a lot to take in #and its not like tabris is totally in the right here- she doesn't tell alistair it's an option when it could be argued that she should've #but like i said i've never actually turned down the ritual because i love my warden too much... i just close my eyes #and pretend there's an alternate solution where Alistair and Tabris do the ritual and they have the old god baby instead sksksks #that way no one has to sleep with someone they hate and alistair gets to be there to raise his child. it's fine everything's fine sksksk #i don't care if it doesn't work that way okay it's the only way this works out better for everyone... except maybe morrigan but still

[shanaraharlyah]

I gave up on trying to think of a good title for this and am just posting it as it is (I finished the art a month ago and the doc file is up to 17 pages now. And that's not counting the numerous snippets in my phone). Here is the first 2055 words. Hope you guys enjoy!

Return to Redcliffe

Upon clearing the Circle Tower of demons, abominations and blood mages, Ysmeria returned to Redcliffe with First Enchanter Irving and the other mages in tow. When they arrived at the castle and entered the great hall, the air was still thick with the tension of the situation. Ser Perth stood guard near the entryway. He gave a smile and nod to the warden and her entourage as they strode into the hall. Teagan and Isolde stood at the opposite end, their demeanors couldn’t be more different. Teagan looked stern, as he had taken control of the situation since they’d left and needed to be the strong front until Eamon was cured. Isolde seemed drained and despondent, shoulders still slumping as they had the day they’d stormed the castle. The demon had not acted out since Ysmeria and her party had left for the circle, but clearly it granted her no peace, knowing it was still there in control of her son and could turn on them again at any time.

As they approached, another guard brought Jowan into the hall. The mage had been upstairs helping to watch Connor, as Teagan had suggested before the wardens left for Kinloch Hold. Ysmeria observed him sorrowfully. He had been her friend at the circle until he dragged her into a scheme to destroy his phylactery and escape the tower with Lily, the Chantry initiate he’d fallen in love with. She had initially agreed to help him, but when he resorted to blood magic to escape punishment, she felt betrayed. And now he had poisoned the Arl. He pleaded with her to help him atone and he agreed to help however he could. His suggestion to enter the Fade to confront the demon was the reason she’d returned to the circle for aid. Ysmeria could see the remorse in his eyes as he was led toward their group to participate in the coming conversation.

When everyone was finally gathered in the hall, they promptly began discussing the situation with Isolde. Teagan hung back by the fireplace, awaiting their decision and direction, but he couldn't help admiring the warden. She truly was stunning. She was not so very tall and was lean as he'd come to expect of elven women, but the cut and style of her robes accentuated her petite form. Her lovely face was framed by shockingly red curls that cascaded down over her Tevinter styled robes, in stark contrast to her shining, white bangs. Her skin was like blue-glazed porcelain marked with dark, gracefully curling makeup, or were they tattoos? He hadn't had the opportunity to see them closely enough to tell.

Watching her now took him back to their initial encounter inside the Redcliffe Chantry, recalling her determination to help and their playful flirtation. Was it possible they could have more? The way she'd shown interest in him, asked about his family and seemed to fret about his safety when he agreed to return to the castle with Isolde, told him she might share his rapidly developing feelings. He wasn't exactly subtle when he expressed his own interest in her, netting him some... interesting looks from Alistair. But now might not be the best time for all of this as he had much work to do with Eamon incapacitated and clearly she did as well....

His train of thought was interrupted when Ysmeria set her gaze upon him. He gave her a smile and nod when their eyes met, and she returned it.

"I will be the one to enter the fade to confront the demon," she said, looking back at Irving. Though she knew Jowan wished to help correct his mistake, she felt this task was her responsibility for her part in helping him escape the tower in the first place.

"Then it is settled," Irving replied, turning to Isolde, "Take us to the boy and we will begin the ritual at once."

"Yes," Isolde agreed. She turned to look at Teagan, who gestured for her to go. She complied and led them down the corridors and up the stairs to Connor's bedroom. Teagan fell in step behind the group.

When they reached the bedroom, Isolde dismissed the servant who had been watching over Connor, and moved to sit on the bed next to her son, "Everything is going to be alright, Connor. Just relax, these men have come to help," she explained, sliding an arm around her son's shoulders.

"Alright, mother, I'll try," the boy replied, looking around at the mages who encircled the bed.

Ysmeria's companions remained in the hallway, knowing there was nothing they themselves could do. Alistair watched from the doorway, all too aware that he was the only one here trained to deal with the consequences if something went terribly wrong.

Teagan came up behind Ysmeria and placed a strong hand on her shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze, "May the Maker watch over you, my lady."

She looked up at him to see his worried, but hopeful smile. Turning back to the other mages, she declared, "Ready when you are."

Irving gave her a nod and, looking around to see the others were also prepared, began the ritual. When the last words and gestures completed the spell, Ysmeria's body appeared to seize as her consciousness was sent into the fade to confront the demon. A moment later her body began to fall limply, and Teagan swooped in to catch her, lowering her carefully to the floor. He knelt behind her, holding her in his arms as he looked up at the First Enchanter for guidance.

"Now we wait, and ask the Maker to guide her in her task," Irving said. The other mages nodded and left the room to grant the family some privacy.

Teagan turned his gaze to the bed to see Isolde rocking her sleeping son, the worry showing clearly on her face and making her appear older than her years. All the trauma they'd faced these past weeks was taking its toll. If the warden hadn't shown up when she did... He didn't even want to think about it. He shut his eyes tightly and held her closer.

As the minutes ticked by, he began to worry that something had gone wrong and he was about to lose his nephew and the lovely lady he now held in his arms. He tried to take his mind off of the possibility by studying the elven maiden's face more closely. From this proximity he could tell the delicate markings on her face were tattoos, and he wondered if maybe she was of Dalish descent. He hadn't had much contact with their people since they tended to avoid humans, but he had heard of their skill in tattooing. Teagan absently brushed a fallen hair from Ysmeria's beautiful face and allowed his thumb to trail down her cheek. Her skin was so soft. He wished he could hold her forever, but prayed she would come back safely.

Teagan wasn't the only one praying in that moment. Leliana knelt in the hall imploring the Maker to watch over, guide and protect her friend in her task, while Alistair, leaning against the door frame, prayed he wouldn't need to use his templar training against the woman he'd grown to care for so much. Even Fen'Harel lay quietly, sad eyes moving from one companion to the next, feeling their worry and making himself anxious.

What had only been five minutes, felt like an eternity spent with the tension permeating the room. And suddenly Ysmeria's eyes began to flutter. Teagan's heart pounded in his chest. He prayed she'd been successful and not been seduced by the demon. When she opened her eyes, she stared right up at him and lifted a hand to his face. He caught it in his, pressing it to his cheek, closing his eyes and releasing the breath he’d been holding before moving to kiss her fingertips. "Glad to have you back, my lady," he smiled, "Were you..."

He was cut off by an emotional cry from across the room, "Oh, Connor!" All eyes were on the Arlessa who was holding her son tightly in relief. "You're alright!" she exclaimed, tears in her eyes.

"Ow, mother, you're hurting me!" the boy complained as she squeezed him in her arms.

Teagan looked back at the warden who was still resting against him. "Yes," she replied to his half asked question, "I defeated the demon. It won't be troubling you any further."

"Thank the Maker!" Teagan breathed a sigh of relief, "And thank you, my lady."

She smiled back at him, "It was my pleasure to be of assistance." She had never met a man quite so polite and kind as Teagan. It could certainly be just the courtesy instilled by his noble upbringing, but something in his smile and the way he interacted with her told her it was all genuine.

"I know we still have much ahead of us, but I believe you and your companions deserve a rest in a comfortable bed this evening," Teagan continued, while tenderly caressing her exposed arm with his thumb, "as do we all. I will have the servants fix dinner and prepare rooms for all of you.” Turning his gaze to the bed, “Isolde, take all of the time that you need, for tomorrow we must discuss our next steps."

Isolde nodded, expressing her thanks to her brother-in-law and went back to fussing over her son. Teagan reached out and took Ysmeria's hands, helping her to her feet and spinning her around to face him, "Take Alistair and your companions down to the great hall. If you need anything, the servants can get it for you. I will join you shortly."

"Of course," she replied. Teagan's hands lingered on hers until she turned to leave with Alistair, Leliana and Fen'Harel following behind. He watched her go before turning back to Irving.

"She is quite remarkable, isn't she?" Irving commented, taking the Bann by surprise. Teagan blushed, a childish reaction he thought himself well beyond at his age. Apparently his attentions hadn't been as subtle as he'd thought.

"Indeed, she is," he replied, taking back his composure. "And so freely giving. I don't think I've ever met anyone like her."

"Nor are you likely to again," Irving added. "She is something special. I wouldn't let her slip through your fingers, if I were you. She is free of the circle now and her life is dedicated to the Wardens, but there may yet be room for more if she is so inclined. Not that I should encourage such things."

Teagan felt the heat return to his face. This man was too good at finding the gaps in his defenses. "Thank you for your advice, First Enchanter. Now, you and your men are also welcome to stay the night if you wish. I can have the servants prepare for your company."

"That's quite alright, my lord. I have much to do to aid with the recovery of the circle, so it would be best if we were on our way. But thank you for your gracious hospitality." Irving bowed to the Bann in gratitude.

“Surely you could stay for a hot meal with us while I have a ship readied for your return to Kinloch Hold. It’s the least we can do.”

“That is a generous offer, my lord. I suppose we can stay to sup since you’ve all but eliminated our journey home.”

"Excellent! And thank you again for coming to help save my nephew. I can't bear to imagine what could have been without your aid," Teagan clapped a hand on the mage's shoulder in a gesture of thanks.

"It is what we live for, my lord. Now, I shall take my leave. May the Maker watch over you all." Irving turned and bowed to the Arlessa and her son before sweeping out of the room.

Teagan turned back to Isolde, "Let me know if there is anything you need. I'll take care of everything for the evening and have dinner sent up if you so desire."

"Thank you, Teagan," Isolde replied, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze.

The Bann nodded, squeezing back before turning to leave and to inform the servants of the necessary preparations for the evening.

#teagan guerrin #bann teagan #ysmeria #teagan x surana #mage warden #warden surana #dragon age #dragon age fanart #dragon age fanfiction #daz studio #iray #3d render #artists on tumblr #shanarah art