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unnuevosoltransformalarealidad · 1 year

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I Wasn't Enough

Pic from Pinterest | Dividers from @firefly-graphics

Summary: Jensen receives a letter that turns his world upside down. Pairing:Jensen Ackles x Female Reader Prompts: #10 "I was broken from a young age" from @smellingofpoetry Challenge and #41 "The voice in my head really needs some help" from @negans-lucille-tblr Challenge Squares: Quote D from @supernatural-jackles' Tell Me A Story Bingo // Warnings: Allusion to SH, anxiety, asking for help, implied mental health illness and treatment Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: This is overdue for both challenges, I'm sorry I didn't post it earlier but life and writer's block got in the way. Thanks to @fictional-affairs for giving me their opinion on this, I truly appreciate it.

“If you are reading this, it means that I did my best but it wasn’t enough.”

That’s how her letter started. I thought the worst had happened and I just wanted to run to her, but I needed to know more. The letter wasn’t long but I knew she did it from the bottom of her heart.

“I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen, but I couldn’t do it anymore. Everything became too much and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

With each line I read, my heart ached because of her. I knew she was hurting; I knew she was in pain, but I never did anything to help her. She always said she had it in control and I believed her, but I guess I was wrong.

Every few lines I had to stop reading and clean my eyes, my vision was blurry because of the tears.

“You know, I’ve always thought I was broken from a young age, but you always helped me to understand that I was forced to believe that. You helped me know that I never had the support system I really needed.

You always believed in me and I failed you.”

She kept saying how much of a burden she felt, how she had failed me, and how she struggled but couldn’t keep fighting.

I was there for her, whenever she needed me, and I always checked on her. I was sure she knew I was going to be her support system, and still, she felt like she had failed me when in reality, it was my fault.

“I decided to make this decision because the voice in my head really needs some help. I didn’t know what else to do. Everything became too much and she took control of me. I tried my best to fight her but I couldn’t; I had to give up.”

This was the first clue she gave me, someone was bothering her. Was it a friend? A relative? Someone I didn’t know?

I needed to find out who she was and have a talk with her. I needed to know what happened.

“Thank you for always being there for me. I’m very thankful to have found you. I love you Jay”

She ended the letter but I didn’t have any answers. The only thing I knew was that someone was bothering her and I couldn’t do anything to help her. Why did she never say anything?

There wasn't much that could tell me something else other than what I was already thinking.

That's when I noticed. The personal card over my table, it must have fallen when I opened the letter. It had a phone number written by hand, without hesitation I grabbed my phone and dialed the number hoping to finally find some answers.

“Hello, I’m calling on behalf of Y/N Y/L/N,” I said when the call was picked up. “We were expecting your call Mr. Ackles. If you are okay, we would like to meet you to talk about Miss Y/L/N’s case,” I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding and agreed. I needed to know what had happened to her. I finished the call feeling uneasy. I don't know what to expect, they gave me an address and an appointment to meet someone that's taking care of Y/N's case. What case? What happened to her?

I drove to the address the place had told me and waited. Uncertain feelings because I didn't know what to expect. My anxiety was very high.

I was taken into a room and asked to wait there.

A few minutes later, a man walks in holding a folder. We shake hands and ask me to sit on one of the chairs.

I learnt that this person, Dr. Carol Balmes, was Y/N’s therapist and was responsible for her case. I’ve also learnt that Y/N admitted herself after a bad episode which I would’ve liked to be informed either by Y/N or the therapist.

“I know you’re thinking about why we didn’t call you when she came as she listed you as her emergency contact; but we wanted to assess her situation first. We needed to know how serious it was”

I kept nodding at what the doctor was telling me.

“Given it was four in the morning when she came, we opted to wait for an appropriate time to make the call if it was necessary. The following morning, she was feeling a bit better, but didn’t want to make the call yet, so we respected her decision.”

“So, I’m here today because she wanted me to come?” I asked trying to understand the situation and the doctor nodded

At least I know she’s alive and well I thought

“If it’s okay with you, I would like you to see Y/N first and then talk about her situation and treatment” The doctor suggests and I nod

The doctor leaves the room and comes back with Y/N some minutes later. She looks well, she's lost some weight and she has dark circles under her eyes, but she looks fine, and I’m glad to see it. I smile at her when she makes eye contact with me.

I know she’s nervous and anxious for the whole situation, but I hope she knows I’m not mad at her at all, if I have to be mad at someone is myself, for not noticing before it got too bad.

“I’ll leave you two a few minutes and then I’ll be back” Doctor Balmes says before leaving the room.

The first thing I do once we are alone is hugging her tightly, as if I was afraid to lose her. Then, I kiss her forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she starts speaking, still hugging each other, “it wasn’t supposed to end this way” she admits and I tightened my embrace.

“Honey, you don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m the one who should be doing it instead.” I reply

We moved to the couch that was in the room and we talked for a bit until doctor Balmes came back. I'm glad to know that Y/N is doing so much better than when she first arrived, and I promised her that I was going to be there every step of the way.

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all-alone-he-turns-to-stone · 2 years

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To Build A Home

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Summary: A home is not a place, not always. A home is where you feel safe. A home can be a person, it can be a car. Dean thinks he shot a hole in every single thing that he loved. But you’re there to remind him everything that is still there, including his home.

Word Count: 3026

Pairing: None, but strong hints of Dean x F!Reader

Warning: Angst, grief, anger, break down, fluff

A/n: Hello people! So for once, I’m not late for a challenge! This was for @smellingofpoetry challenge! Happy birthday in advance! I wanted to post this before your birthday cause it's quite sad and I want you to be happy on your birthday! So, I picked this quote: “I shot a hole through every single thing that I loved.” Enjoy!

Don’t forget to leave a feedback!!

“I shot a hole through every single thing that I loved!”

That sentence. That sentence was what broke it.

It was intense, the fight. The words were shouted, screamed, even. All the unsaid pain was present in every single word leaving his mouth, but also yours. The fight was intense, painful, and it was only normal after what happened.

The hunt went terribly wrong. The monster had been killed, but not before it took the little girl with him. The little girl Dean promised would be safe. The little girl Dean played with while you and Sam asked questions to the mother. The little girl that was supposed to live.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But Dean took it hard. Harder than you and Sam. He took it hard, tried to drown it with alcohol, like he always does. Tried to silence the voices in his head, screaming it was all because of him.

You tried to argue against that voice before, but it was useless. How could you fight a voice that you didn’t even hear, and a voice he had as an only companion for the past decades? Dean heard that voice. It could be anyone, the voice of his father, the voice of a soldier, his own voice, even, telling him he had to do more. Save more people. And when he failed, it attacked him with regrets and horrible thoughts. You knew it, you knew the internal conflict that was raging inside of him, silent and deadly, just like a storm.

You tried to fight that voice. But it only made him angry, and quickly, your attempt for comfort turned into a fight. Your words you wanted reassuring became harsh and sharp. You two were fighting, your voice breaking, just like your heart… Trying to make him see the truth. Until he said that.

“I shot a hole through every single thing that I loved!”

You were back at the bunker. Miracle jumped on Dean the moment he saw his friend, but the hunter barely even gave him a glance before storming to his room where you followed him. Sam declared he was taking a shower and left quickly, knowing. He knew about the storm as well, knew what Dean needed, he needed space and time, and the younger Winchester had his own hurricane to fight.

“Everyone I loved is dead because of me!” Green eyes were filled with tears as Dean finally allowed you to stare into them. Tears of sadness, but mostly tears of anger. “Everything that I do is for nothing, everything that I care about, that I love… Everyone’s fucking dead!”

Grabbing his hair with both hands, Dean shouted his frustration. His voice echoed throughout the bunker, and you could feel something soft brushing against your calves. You didn’t jump, neither at Dean’s strong anger or the touch of the fur on your skin. Glancing down, you looked at Miracle that was now hiding behind you.

You knew what was coming next by having seen it a couple of times. Without even looking up, you reached out to the hunter and grabbed his wrist. You had to put all of your strength in that single movement, that was how hard he tried to punch the wall and how hard it was to stop his gesture.

“Let’s go,” you said. The words spinned for a couple of seconds in your head before you settled on those ones. Not because you didn’t know what to say to Dean at that exact moment, you had so much you could tell him, so much you wanted to say, but you knew… He wouldn’t believe your words. It wasn't the words he needed right now.

“What? Y/n, no, I-”

Clearly confused by your sudden and frankly, quite impressive move of stopping him from punching the wall without even looking, Dean’s anger was temporarily blinded by your gesture and now your words. Taking advantage of that, your grip tightened on his wrist and you dragged him to the garage of the bunker where Baby was sitting.

“Keys,” you said, gesturing with your hand that wasn’t holding his wrist.

Dean didn’t answer, not immediately, so you lifted your head and plunged your eyes into his and repeated.

It really wasn’t something Dean wanted to do. Not just when he got back from a hunt that had the ending that caused all of this.

“Keys,” you said one last time, not detaching your eyes.

You don’t know why he gave you the keys. After all, never were you allowed to drive Baby, even less in these circumstances. But the metal met your palm, soft metallic noise reaching your ears.

You sat down in the driver’s seat and Dean took place in the passenger seat. “Tell Sam we’ll be back tomorrow. We have a long distance to drive.”

Or maybe he agreed because… You never order him around. Never speak your thoughts. Never get angry. And tonight, you just did all of these things. And that side of you he never met was perhaps scary, or at least, disconcerting enough for him to obey.

5 hours and 28 minutes later, you parked the impala in front of a house. It was the first time you drove so much distance in one go, and your body was so tired, so exhausted, but your mind, it was bright, it was awake, and ready.

“Where are we?”

Dean didn’t really speak during the drive. Almost 6 hours of complete silence, only filled with the sound of the engine and the radio playing in the background accompanied that midnight road trip.

“Sioux Falls,” you answered as you exited the car and closed the door. Your legs protested under the command you gave them to walk around the Impala to open the passenger seat and invite Dean to get out.

“What are we doing here?” He grunted. You didn’t look at his face, didn’t wait for him to add something else. You walked to the door, and even if it was past 3 in the morning, you knocked. Dean was too slow to stop you. “Y/n, you can't bother people at this hour! Seriously, I didn’t want to complaint during the ride, but son of a bitch, what the hell are we-”

“Y/n, Dean?” A sleepy voice made in front of them.

The door was open. The person standing was in her pajamas, a blue matching set you gave her for her birthday. Her short hair was a mess, her eyes small and clearly very sleepy. But in her gaze, there was no anger, no resentment of being woken up so late- or in this case, so early.

“So sorry to bother you, Jody, but we just finished a hunt and… there was… it was…” You started, lowering your head. It wasn’t a lie. None of this was a lie. Yes, you were worried about Dean, and you drove nearly 6 hours for a specific purpose. But the losses Dean faced in the hunt, they were also on your hands. And it was hard. So fucking hard.

“No, no… honey, come here,” Jody walked outside and took you in her arms. It was soft, her hug, her arms circling you, the warmth of her body… “Come in, don’t stay outside,” she added, opening the door wider to allow the both of you to enter.

“No, I mean, we shouldn’t have come, we’ll just take a room in the nearest motel and-”

“Dean Winchester, don’t be silly and come inside right now,” Jody interrupted him, and in front of her mom face and her mom voice, the hunter bowed his head, sighed, and entered.

A couple of minutes later, you were sitting in front of a warm cup of tea. It was mostly warm milk, actually. As Jody said when she gave you and Dean a cup, warm milk helped with sleep, just like it helped comforting.

Since the spare rooms were currently occupied by the girls Jody took in, there were no beds for you and Dean, so Jody put blankets and pillows on the couches. While she was looking for something comfortable for you and Dean to wear to sleep, the green eyed hunter grabbed your wrist.

“What are we doing here,” he half whispered, half grunted near your ear.

You didn’t answer his question. Instead, you took his hand that was holding your wrist and held it in your hands, still without looking at him.

Jody came back a few moments later. With clothes in her hands, but she didn’t come back alone. Now, there was a blonde and a brune head following her. “Those girls were wondering if they could be of any help,” Jody rolled her eyes. “I told them to go back to sleep but…”

“Not that we’re worried,” Claire crossed her arms on her chest. “But… Sorry about the hunt. I know how hard it can be.”

“If there’s anything…” Alex whispered. Her head was a mess, clearly, she just woke up. Claire still looked very fresh and awake, though. Like a real hunter, she probably never really slept on both her ears. Always on the lookout for any weird, unusual sound. Always ready to fight or flee.

Patience and Kaia where there was well, they arrived slightly after the two other girls, silently staying behind. But you knew they would do anything for you as well, just like you would give your life for them. All of them were family.

“Thanks, but we’ll be okay,” Dean answered as he took back his hand. It wasn’t a rough gesture, and you let it slip out of your grip.

Still not looking at him, you thanked the girls and took the clothes from Jody. Tomorrow, he would understand.

You spent the night at Jody’s, and the next day, you had breakfast with everyone. Later, Donna visited and gave, as always, the best hugs. As the girls cleaned up the table, you and Dean sat in the living room. Where you were waiting, you had a good view of the kitchen. You observed them for a moment. “Do you love them?”

“What?”

You didn’t look at Dean. In front of you, Jody was passing the plates to Claire that was washing. Alex had a towel in her hands, ready to do the drying-off. Donna was sitting against the counter, smiling and laughing as she talked about her latest date with a guy that name wasn’t Doug for once. Patience and Kaia had left right after breakfast, they went to the store to fill up the fridge a little bit. All of their faces were lit up, smiles stretching their lips, laughs echoing in the room.

“You know what I see?” You said then, not waiting for Dean’s answer. “I see a beautiful, happy, healthy family. People you and Sam saved. I see a mother with her kids. I see a sheriff with her friend. I don’t see any bullet you would have shot at them.”

“So that’s why we’re here.”

You didn’t expect the storm to explode so quickly. But one moment, you were watching the little family smiling as they did something as boring as washing the dishes, and the next, a gray cloud filled with anger was storming out of the house, slamming the door behind him. The smile left their faces as all the girls turned their attention towards the entrance, Jody’s gaze meeting yours immediately. Walking towards her, you sighed and took her in your arms.

“Sorry about that… He’s thankful to you guys for letting us come in last night. But…”

“Rough hunt,” Donna muttered, her hand stroking your back softly as you quitted Jody’s arms to look at her. “You betcha, this life ain’t always sunshines and cotton candy.” She shook her head and offered a sad smile. You nodded, hugged her and said goodbye to Claire and Alex.

As you thought, Dean was waiting for you near the Impala. Since he clearly didn’t want to talk to you, you didn’t force it. You sat down on the driver seat again and waited for him to sit down next to you to start the engine.

“This isn’t the way to Lebanon,” Dean said after only 10 minutes of driving.

“I know,” you replied, both hands on the wheel as you took a left turn. You knew he would figure out where you were going quickly. After all, that place used to be his home before the Leviathans burned it down.

“Why are we going…” Dean started, but you parked the car and turned towards him, finally meeting his eyes. “Why are we here?” He turned his head away from yours to look out the window.

Outside, there were only burnt bodies of metal, the last remains of the fire. The last thing that was left from the auto shop. Bobby’s house that burned down all those years ago.

“Because I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t have believed me,” you said, looking at him even if he was completely ignoring you right now.

“That’s why you bothered Jody in the middle of the night? To prove you were right?!” Dean ended up exploding once again, quickly exiting the car.

Outside, it was warm. The sun was shining in a clear, perfect sky. You could lose yourself staring at the infinity of the blue stretching in every direction. You got out of the car as well and let the sun wash down on you, the heat immediately surrounding you. Taking a deep breath, you walked to where Dean was. Standing in front of what used to be a house… Of what used to be his home.

“Home is not a place, Dean,” you started. He had his back turned, still refusing to meet your eyes. “It’s a person. It’s a feeling. It’s your fur ball you call your dog waiting for you at home. It was Bobby. It’s Sam, it’s Jody. This house was your home before it burned down. But it doesn’t mean you lost your home.”

Taking a breath, you lifted your head to finally stare at the sky, carefully not looking at the sun. It was so bright, so beautiful. Like the sky was the sea and you were drowning while looking at it, even though you never breathed so well in your life.

“Home is where you feel good.” You lowered your head, only to see Dean looking at you now. “Home is the feeling of a little girl as she hugs you when you just saved her. Home is seeing the person you love struggling with life, and yet, still able to help them feel better. Home is driving 6 hours to go see old friends because you feel like shit, and home is them opening and letting you in even if it’s 3 fucking am.”

Tears were running down his cheeks silently. And under the bright sun, it was all the more visible, but Dean did nothing to hide it. Green eyes were sad, almost extinct, even if they had the most beautiful colors under the bright sun.

“I should have saved her,” he said then. It was the first time he allowed himself to talk about the little girl since she lost her life.

“We can’t save everyone, Dean,” you whispered as you took a step towards him. “We can try, but we’re only humans.”

“I should have saved Bobby… And Charlie…” He continued, more tears raining on his freckled cheeks.

“You saved Jody. Donna. Claire. Patience. Alex,” you added, taking another step towards the hunter. He shook his head.

“Benny…”

“Garth.”

“Kevin…”

“Krissy.”

“Mom…”

“Sam.”

At the name of his brother, Dean stopped talking. He stopped trying to find the names of the people he lost. It could take the entire day to name them all, just like you could take a whole day reminding him of everyone he saved. Dean stopped talking and allowed you to walk closer until you were right in front of him, drowning in his pain, seeing your reflection in his teary eyes.

“Me,” you added.

And right there, you took him in your arms. Holding him as tight as you could, you pressed your ear to his chest, right above his heart, and listened to the steady rhythm of the organ beating, reminding you of the most important name of the list of people he saved.

“Yourself.”

It took a couple of seconds for Dean to give back the hug, but he eventually did. His arms circled your frame and held you tight, and then you could hear it. The sobs, the sniffles, Dean was crying. He was crying for the little girl he couldn’t save, but he also cried for everyone he lost. He cried for them, just like he cried for the people he could save. He cried for his home that he kept losing, even though home is not really a place. It’s a feeling you build. With the people you love.

“Thank you…” He ended up saying. But even if the tears were long gone, he kept you in his arms. You hugged him as long as he needed. After all, he was your home too. After a while, he ended up stepping back and you caught him rubbing his eyes as an excuse to discreetly dry off his wet cheeks. “Alright, I think we can go back. Sam must be worried by now. But first, I have apologies to make.”

“To Sam?” You wondered, handing him the keys to the Impala so he could be the one driving this time.

Dean shook his head. “To Jody.”

Smiling, you entered the car and sighed softly. After a quick stop at Jody’s house again for Dean to apologize for leaving so harshly, you took back the road. If the drive to come here was rough and hard and silent, the drive back was filled with laughs and smiles and good memories. Of Bobby, Charlie…

Dean would never be able to forget them. But by remembering the good times, their memories weren’t leaving. And it was like they never really left.

Forever taglist: @nitnat6245 @b3autyfuldisast3r @eevvvaa @wickedinspirations @fictional-affairs @awkward-and-indecisive @cryptichobbit

Supernatural Tag List: @cryptichobbit @sexyvixen7 @stixnstripesworld @charred-angelwings @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @lyarr24 @fiftyshadesgrl

Dean Winchester Tag List: @akshi8278 @siospins2 @kazsrm67 @wtrpxrks @deanwanddamons @thoughts-and-funnies @charred-angelwings @jensendreamland @deanswaywardgirl @happyt0exist @waynes-multiverse

#smellingofpoetry200celebration #dean winchester supernatural #supernatural dean #dean winchester #dean x you #dean x female!reader #dean x reader #angst #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester angst #supernatural dean angst #supernatural dean winchester x reader fanfiction #supernatural dean winchester x you #supernatural dean winchester fanfiction #grief

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smellingofpoetry · 1 year

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Masterlist for the 200 Follower Celebration

Hi there!

I'm so late posting this it's embarrassing, but the last months had been a rollercoaster of events. So, I decided to start this new year by taking some time for myself and being more present here, starting with this post.

I wanted to thank all the talented people who joined this challenge and celebrated with me. Thank you so much for your time and your amazing stories.

Here the current masterlist:

Lay with me by @little-diable: Summary: The week after Dean and the reader have slept together - a drunken mistake - they are forced on a hunt together. What happens if Dean falls for lies and traps while (y/n)’s hurt and anger grows? Will the two find back together and finally give into their feelings? Or will they part ways?

To build a home by@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone: Summary: A home is not a place, not always. A home is where you feel safe. A home can be a person, it can be a car. Dean thinks he shot a hole in every single thing that he loved. But you’re there to remind him everything that is still there, including his home.

Just a stomach bug by @avanatural: Summary: Y/N, Dean’s girlfriend, suffers from a stomach bug. Dean suspects that she could be pregnant. Suddenly, he finds himself confronted with the idea of starting a family. Is he going to be a dad?

I wasn't enough by @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad Summary: Jensen receives a letter that turns his world upside down.

#smellingofpoetry200celebration #masterlist #smellingofpoetry200celebrationmasterlist

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little-diable · 2 years

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Lay with Me - Dean Winchester

A/N: This was written for @smellingofpoetry follower celebration, congrats again my love and for @supernatural-jackles TMAS Bingo

All my “tell me a story bingo” imagines are inspired by Grimm’s fairytales. This one is inspired by the fairytale “Cat and Mouse in Partnership”, written by the brothers Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, published in 1812. The imagine is only loosely based on the original story, it focuses on the message and the warning the brothers tried to deliver, putting it into a modern perspective. The reaper will be our steady companion in this series, so prepare for a darker, wild ride. Most of the imagines will be crime stories. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The week after Dean and the reader have slept together - a drunken mistake - they are forced on a hunt together. What happens if Dean falls for lies and traps while (y/n)'s hurt and anger grows? Will the two find back together and finally give into their feelings? Or will they part ways?

Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (f), masturbation, sex, p in v, mentions drunken sex, mentions kidnapping and murder, misogynistic views, religious connotations, betrayal, demons; somewhat of an open end, that will explain itself once the series is done.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader

@supernatural-jackles TMAS bingo square filled: Mutual Pining

Word count: around 4.7k

Baby was howling through the night as Dean drove himself and (y/n) to their motel. They had just finished their dinner, trying to prepare themselves for another case they’ll take on. A missing nun and a priest that had seemed a tad bit too calm for the two friends.

It wasn’t the first time the two were on a hunt on their own, without Sam, but it was the first time they were on their own after giving into their feelings about a week ago. A night both Dean and (y/n) could barely remember, bodies buzzing with alcohol flushing through their veins. They had poured a few too many beers down their throats, allowing them to let loose.

Ever since that night, an uncomfortable tension had followed them around. They had barely shared any words, anything they could say to break through the silence that clung to them like a demon forcing itself into their souls. Not even as they had sat vis-a-vis minutes ago had they given in, silent like strangers sharing an empty booth.

Both Dean and (y/n) would sell their souls to turn back time, to stop themselves from ruining their friendship. But time kept ticking on. One second after another passed by like pages of a book ripped from the spine, one with the past, no longer present in the future. Perhaps this case would finally push them closer together, forced to rely on one another as the small town would invite them in to stay a few days.

Neither Dean nor (y/n) had spoken up about their feelings, feelings they have been fostering since the day they met years ago. She had been an old friend of Bobby, and as she had decided to stop by and visit him, she had crossed paths with the Winchester brothers, the day when her whole life got flipped upside down.

Dean carried their bags into the cold motel room, wordlessly he stepped into the bathroom, giving (y/n) a few moments on her own as he showered away the reminders of the past days. He couldn’t help but curse himself for telling Sam they’d be okay on their own, he couldn’t help but curse himself for being this unapproachable, he couldn’t help but curse himself for fucking his best friend with his drunken mind screaming in victory.

For years he had pushed his mind off his crush on (y/n), for years he had been a lone wanderer, finding shelter in the bed of women he didn’t know the names of, women that always somewhat looked like (y/n). He was playing a trick on himself, obliviously hurting (y/n) and her broken heart.

A heavy groan spilt from Dean’s lips, just the mere thought of (y/n) and her naked body left his cock twitching, begging for some kind of relief. His hand began to wander, head rolling back to give in to the feeling he had been running from ever since burying his cock inside her heat. The way she had moaned her name had made him feel like he was crossing the threshold of heaven, invited in with church bells ringing for him.

While Dean was chasing his high in the small shower, (y/n) pressed her face into the pillow of her bed, trying to dampen the sound of her screams. She was frustrated, running on her last reserve of adrenaline, about to give into hell’s calling of her name. (Y/n) would prefer to be stuck in a vampire nest rather than having to share a room with Dean. But she was stuck and would have to endure the bone-chilling silence that engulfed them.

With her body screaming in protest, she rose from the mattress. She reached for her laptop, set on researching their case - anything to distract herself from Dean. “Sister Janine has been missing for seven days by now, she had been forcefully dragged from her room in the monastery. We are praying for her return. May God guide her back to her home. May the Devil spare her pure soul.”

A humourless chuckle rumbled through (y/n) as she read through the small article - something about this felt awfully wrong. She could still remember the uneasiness that had clung to her as she had watched the interview with the priest of the monastery. The man had looked awfully familiar, forcing her insides to churn in disgust. She still hadn’t figured out where she had met him before, leaving her confused. He had faked his sadness, had told lies to the ones that seemed to believe every word he was speaking. A ruthless killer, she was sure of it.

(Y/n) was too focused on reading to hear Dean walking out of the bedroom in nothing but his boxers. She was too focused to feel his curious, twinkling eyes on her frame, studying her like he was standing in front of a painting hung up in a museum, a masterpiece he tried to burn into his mind.

“Good night,” Dean’s murmurs filled the motel, but before (y/n) could speak up, he had already turned his back on her, hoping to find rest on the uncomfortable bed.

“You’re so immature. I can’t believe this.” She snapped her laptop shut with almost too much force, ripping Dean straight out of his drowsy state. Their eyes met, initiating a wordless conversation that kept them silent for a minute or two. “Why are you acting like this? I didn’t force you to sleep with me. You wanted this just as much.”

“You told me it was a mistake. You were the one running from me the next morning. Don’t blame this on me, sweetheart.” Dean’s sharp voice cut through her like a sword pierced into her chest. His anger began to spread through his body - it felt as if he was preparing for a fight, about to find his strength to force her to her knees, to beg for his forgiveness.

“Because it was a fucking mistake, Dean! We both knew this would damage our friendship. And look where we are now.” (Y/n) turned away from him with a huff spilling from her lips. She had to pierce her teeth into her lower lip, scared that her sob would claw through her. If there’s one thing she didn’t want to do, it was cry in front of Dean, making her feel awfully pathetic.

“It wasn’t a mistake, and it certainly didn’t feel like one. It is not my fault that you don’t want to fight for our friendship or at least the friendship we had last week. I am done talking about this.” Dean’s head hit the pillow with a sigh leaving him. He could no longer fight with her and was too exhausted to walk in circles with her. And all (y/n) could do was stare at him with tears rolling down her cheeks.

——

“Hello?” (Y/n)’s voice echoed through the empty church. With Dean hot on her heels, she made her way up to the altar, eyes wandering through the hallways. “Hello? Is somebody here?” They were met with nothing but silence, allowing her to point her fingers towards the altar.

“Place it here. It should be able to pick everything up.” Wordlessly Dean placed the bug beneath the altar, pressed against the old wood like candle wax dripping from the body of Christ hanging above the sinners that dared to walk on the holy ground. Before they could turn away from the altar, a door was pushed open, exposing the priest (y/n) had seen on tv a few days ago.

“Hello, can I help you?” He was tall - a dark aura seemed to follow him around, growing stronger with every step he took. Fuck, (y/n) jerked in surprise as her eyes met his. She had definitely met him before - but where?

“We are with the FBI,” Dean pulled out the fake badge he always carried around with him. “We are here to talk to you about sister Janine.” Both could only hope that the priest would fall for their lie.

It took the priest a few moments to reply as he was intensely studying the two, but with his hand pointing towards the room he had just come from, he spoke a clear, “Please, follow me.” He didn’t notice the uneasy glances Dean and (y/n) shared, didn’t notice that it took them a couple of seconds to start walking, wondering if they could trust the man with piercing green eyes and a salt-and-pepper beard.

“Sister Janine was loved here, we all admired her and her strong beliefs, she had a good heart, you know. Very pure.” (Y/n) couldn’t help but notice him speaking of the missing woman as if she was dead - as if he didn’t care about her return. “But if God had planned this for her, there’s not much we can do.”

“What do you mean by that?” Dean was clearly annoyed with the smiling man, not understanding how he could act this calm and relaxed.

“We have no right to interfere with God’s plans, if he wanted to call Janine home to him, we have to respect that. We have to pray for her and keep her in our hearts. But we have no right to go look for her, he’d tell us if we should.” The priest sat down in his chair, a heavy cross dangling around his neck, a cross as dark as the one hung up on the wall behind his table. (Y/n) had to fight against the urge to turn around and leave, the man was making her sick.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Dean’s smirk began to grow as the priest’s frown began to deepen. Tension began to grow between the three, a tension Dean and (y/n) should run from before they’d kill the man right there and then.

“Do you believe in God?” His eyes pierced into (y/n)’s, staring the woman down. She could only shake her head, mouth too dry to properly reply to the question. “See, you would never understand our way of life. You have no respect for us. Please, leave. I have things to do now.” Without sharing another word the two left the church and the priest behind.

“This must be a joke. He has something to do with this. I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed her.” (Y/n)’s angry huffs put a smile on Dean’s lips, he allowed her to keep rambling on as his hand found its way to her thigh. He squeezed her knee, trying to calm her before she’d spiral down further the tunnel of emotions she was stuck in. But his touch did little to calm her, even though it distracted her from the conversation with the priest, (y/n) found her anger for Dean growing once again.

He was playing with her, tricking her into thinking they were back to the way things once were.

“I think we should talk to the other nuns, maybe somebody saw something the priest is trying to hide.” Her cold voice shot shudders down Dean’s spine, but he didn’t let go of her, kept his hand right where he had placed it.

“Why don’t you go talk to them and I’ll drop by the police station?”

——

“We shouldn’t do this,” her drunken giggles rumbled through her, louder than fireworks going off in the distance, louder than the bass shaking through Baby as he’d turned up the volume of his music. Dean was entranced by her, focused on every part of her almost naked body. Something he had dreamt about for the past years, hoping that at one point, he’d be able to feel her skin.

“We definitely should do this.” He pressed his lips against hers. She could taste the alcohol on his lips and tongue - a clear warning she chose to ignore. Once again, they were sharing kisses full of emotions, silently communicating their love. Dean pressed her closer to his chest, set on fucking her right there and then - on Baby’s backseat.

“Fuck, don’t think you’ll fit me.” (Y/n)’s eyes were focused on his cock, she had just freed him from the confines of his trousers and was slowly pumping him. Dean’s moans filled the car, a sound so sweet she felt her tooth beginning to rot, addicted to his sounds.

“Only one way to find out.” With his smirk tugging on his lips, he carefully pushed her hand off him, wanting to guide himself closer to her core. “You sure about this, baby?” Dean froze before he could push into her, eyes set on her features as he kept waiting for her reply.

“Dean, fuck me, please.”

——

The memories of their night together followed Dean around wherever he was going, whatever he was doing, flashes of said night would find their way back to him. His heart ached at the mere thought of never being able to touch her again, of fucking up his one chance at getting with the woman of his dreams.

He had been foolish, had allowed himself to let go, a dangerous game he clearly hadn’t studied the rules for.

By now he was sitting in Baby, parked in front of the church once again. He had found his way to their motel in the middle of the night, hadn’t shared a single word with (y/n), who had still been awake by the time he plopped down on his bed, dreading having to spend another night with her this close.

Dean had left the motel as the first sun rays had tickled his face, fleeing from any confrontations awaiting him. He wanted to talk to the priest, wanted to see if he could coax any information out of the man. A task he would miserably fail at.

“Ah, the agent. I was waiting for you to return.” The priest was standing behind the altar, preparing his wine and host for his morning mass. “You see, it wasn’t smart of you to place a bug on the altar. I bet it was her idea, wasn’t it?”

With a nod of his head, Dean came to a halt in front of the altar, too stunned to speak. The priest kept working on his tasks, making Dean feel like they had shared numerous conversations before. A friend he could trust. A friend he could share his darkest secrets with.

“Foolish woman. You see, she was the one that told me of the bug, came back here before we closed our gates. She tried to bribe me, a clear sign of the devil’s work.” Dean had a hard time understanding what the priest was talking about. Confusion swapped through him, he wasn't able to focus on anything but his emotions thumping through him.

(Y/n) would never fuck up their hunt, would she? She wouldn’t do this just to hurt him. But what about some kind of sick payback?

“I see your confusion, son. You have feelings for her, don’t you? What a disappointment. I tried to shake her off, but you see, a man’s desires are stronger than God’s calling. We have to sin to be freed, to walk our righteous path to the Father.” Dean sank down on the church bench he had been standing next to. His heart was hammering louder than the cries of the ones Jesus had freed from the underworld, ripped from Scheol.

A blade piercing through his stomach wouldn’t hurt as much as this. He was trembling, not understanding how (y/n) could turn away from him this easily. She has betrayed him, had played a ruthless game with him and his heart.

“Don’t believe the lies she has told you. She doesn’t love you. She used you for her pleasure.” A heavy breath spluttered from Dean’s lips. “You can have this back if you bring her to me. She needs to be freed from her sins.” His body was working without listening to his mind's commands, eyes set on the bug the priest was holding. Dean hadn’t noticed the darkening of the priest’s eyes, too oblivious due to his anger flushing through his body like the five rivers of the underworld.

And with his hand grasping his phone, he messaged her, luring her right into the trap he was already stuck in.

——

(Y/n) had just left the office of the local newspaper as her phone had buzzed, eyes skimming through Dean’s message. For a second, she debated leaving him hanging, not wanting to cross paths with him as he had run from her just hours ago. But with a sigh spilling from her lips, she found the nearest taxi.

By now, she was more than ready to leave this weird town behind. She was sure that Janine had been killed by a demon, probably the priest. (Y/n) could only hope that Dean wouldn’t leave her alone with the man. She’d never set foot in the church on her own, not trusting one syllable that could flood from the man’s lips.

Carefully she pushed open the door of the church, eyes falling onto the priest’s frame. He was standing in front of Dean, had his hand placed on his shoulder, set on possessing the hunter. Dean’s name bled from (y/n)’s lips, forcing the men’s attention away from one another. It felt like Dean was ripped out of some kind of trance, not understanding why he was sitting this close to the man.

“There she is, beautiful (y/n).” The priest started walking towards her as (y/n) tried to remember if she carried any weapons with her. “It’s almost sad to know that you’ll die before making things right with Dean. We don’t always understand God’s plans, do we?”

“Dean?” (Y/n)’s calling of his name rumbled through him - it filled every pore of his skin, finding shelter in the heat of his body. “Dean!” He didn’t reply, staring at her as if she was a dead woman walking, resurrected in the depth of night.

“You need to be punished. You have sinned. You have used Dean for your pleasure. A man that loves you, and you’ve played with his heart. A ruthless game women like to play.” Anger simmered inside her like an inferno threatening to burn a city down. She wanted to shake Dean and wanted to rip him out of his thoughts. He had betrayed her, had lured her into the church, a payback for the pain he was carrying inside his chest.

“Your sinning soul shall be freed.”

Her eyes met Dean’s wide ones. He finally seemed to catch on, understanding that he had fallen for the tricks of a demon, all because of his foolish heart that had lured him further into the darkness. Slowly she shook her head, hoping that he would understand the signal. She had no weapons on her to defend herself, had no blade on her to kill the man.

“Look at me, (y/n). Don’t be afraid. God is with you.” By now, the man was standing in front of her, about to kill the woman that couldn’t move, frozen to the ground. It felt like she was staring at Abaddon, the demon loved by the devil, a cruel creature sinners have been called to. Both Dean and (y/n) knew it wouldn’t be long till the demon would find shelter in her flesh cage, possessed by the darkest touch.

“Take me, but let her go.” Dean’s rough voice echoed through the church, hoping to distract the man to buy them some time. The priest clicked his tongue, a sound reminding (y/n) of chains clashing to the ground. A sound so loud, her body started to tremble in fear.

“You see, Dean. I can’t. Lovely Janine begged me to let her go, but I had to kill her. I had to bring her home to God. And that’s what I need to do with (y/n).”

They were stuck. There was no way out. For the first time in her life, (y/n) feared dying. For the first time, she found herself calling for help, a call nobody would answer. She wasn’t religious, didn’t believe in the Bible nor in the stories told, but now she cried out to God, begging him to crash this train before the demon would find its way into her body.

“I always recognise a Winchester when I see one. It’s almost pathetic that you are crying for help. I’ve expected more from you.” Without sparing her cries another thought, the priest turned towards Dean. “Say your goodbye to her, son.”

Dean deeply inhaled - there had to be a way out, there had to be a chance to rip themselves out of this nightmare. She couldn’t die, not when he needed to make things right for being a foolish, selfish, love-drunken man.

All three of them were too focused on one another and the tension that began to crackle to hear Castiel’s calling of their names. And with the priest kicking (y/n) to her ground, she felt her head coming in contact with the cold stone.

Black like the sky over Jerusalem at 3 pm, she got sucked into the darkest sleep.

——

“Easy, sweetheart.” She woke with her eyes fluttering open and her lungs constricting in fright. Dean was sitting next to her - it took her a few moments to realise that they were back home in the bunker, away from the awful town and the priest. “Hey, c’mon, breathe. Drink some water.”

Dean didn’t let go of her - he stabilised her as she gulped down the water in one go. She kept on studying him, wondering what she should say to him. But before (y/n) could even start to think of any words to say, Dean started speaking once again.

“Sam and Cas took care of him, I-,” he deeply inhaled, hand rubbing his tired face. “I’m sorry, I’ve been such an asshole. I had no right to act like that, I was just hurt by you calling us a mistake, and I don’t think I’ve been able to accept that just yet.”

“I’m sorry too. I was scared, you know? Didn’t want to fuck up our friendship. I always knew that I shouldn’t give in to my feelings for you and I've opted for running away instead of fighting for what we could have had.” Her voice trembled, gaze flickering to her interlaced hands. The feeling of Dean’s hand finding her chin shot shudders down her spine, glassy eyes finding his tired ones.

“Don’t run again, please. We can make this work. We can make us work.” He didn’t give her a chance to reply, pressing his lips against hers, hoping that she would give in. And she did - of course, she did - (y/n)’s hands found their way to Dean’s neck. She buried her fingers in his hair, holding onto the man she had always loved, “Lay with me, for one more night – I’ll make it up to you.”

Her moans filled the room as Dean pushed her back against the mattress, finding shelter between her thighs. All she was wearing was a shirt of his and her panties, allowing Dean’s hands to wander up her thighs, finding their place on her waist, “I promise I’ll remember every second of this.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle as she tugged his shirt over his head, exposing his naked chest to her hungry eyes, “You’re beautiful, Dean Winchester.” A slight rosy tint was covering his cheeks - he tried to distract her from it with his wandering hands, wordlessly asking for her permission before he started undressing her.

“Touch me, please.” It was all he needed. Her - his - shirt found its way to the ground, followed by her damp panties. Dean worshipped her body - he pressed his lips to her naked chest, sucked on her hardening nipples as his fingers teased her core, lazily rubbing her clit with his thumb. “Fuck, feels even better than last time.”

“Probably because you’re not drunk this time.” Dean’s raspy chuckles had an addicting effect on her. The sound rumbled through (y/n), one with Dean, who got back to kissing his way down her upper body. Slowly he pressed his mouth against her clit, making her feel like she was being reborn, a feeling so strong she had to pierce her nails into her covers. He ate her out with his eyes twinkling in joy and his cock twitching in his trousers, begging to feel her tightness wrapped around him.

“Oh fuck, you’re so good at this.” He had to bite down on his teasing reply, since he didn't want to distract her from the intense feeling. Two of his fingers found their way to her heat, preparing her for his cock. Dean fucked her slow at first, wanting to build up the pressure and pace of his movements, but her encouraging moans urged him on, silently begging him to push her over the edge.

“Want you to cum around my fingers, I got you, sweetheart. Let go.” His name flooded from her lips. She threw her head back, allowing her orgasm to rock through her. Dean's fingers kept moving, not wanting to let go of her just yet, prolonging her orgasm. (Y/n) was heavily panting, desperately trying to find her way back to reality as Dean pressed one last kiss to her core. She could only watch and stare at him as he undressed himself, how he freed his cock from the confines of his clothes with shaking hands.

“Do you want me to?” (Y/n) wanted to taste him, wanted to repay the favour, but Dean only shook his head. He reached for the condoms she kept stored away in her drawer, ripped it open with his teeth and rolled it down his length. She felt like she was dreaming, cursing herself for not being able to remember much of the night where they had slept with one another.

“Are you ready?” With a small “yes” fluttering from her lips, (y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling Dean in for a kiss as he pushed into her. Both gave one another a few seconds to adjust, though the second Dean started to move, to fuck her into the mattress with his lips formed into an o-shape, (y/n) felt like a star was dying and instantly being reborn inside of her. The energy that buzzed through her was stronger than ever before, guiding the moaning woman into the deepest corner of the universe.

Their bodies moved in sync - like magnets finding other poles, they stayed connected, riding the highs of their arising orgasms. They fit together like puzzle pieces designed to stay together till the end of time, formed and moulded into the right shapes. Both could feel their hearts racing in their chests, singing a tune so sweet they found themselves moving even closer.

“I love you, (y/n). Fuck, I always have.” Perhaps Dean didn’t truly understand what he was saying, but perhaps, he was, perhaps, this is exactly what he had been waiting for, the right moment to give his emotions the strength he had been desperate for.

“I love you too, Dean.” He kissed her again and again, swallowing the sound of her moans that echoed through her body like thunder roaring through the night. She was close, about to give in with her eyes fluttering close and her back arched off the mattress.

Dean pushed her over the edge as his cock nudged against her sweet spot, coaxing a high-pitched moan out of her. Her walls clamped down on him, keeping him close in hopes of staying connected to him. Their eyes met, gazes connected as Dean gave in, filling the condom with a groan bleeding from his lips.

For a few moments, they stayed like that, not speaking another word. Only slowly did he roll off (y/n), he threw away the condom and left to find a washcloth to clean her with. Dean took care of her, almost too carefully; he cleaned her, lips finding their way to her warm skin every now and then. He didn’t dare let go of her, scared that she’d run again.

But (y/n) didn’t move - she pressed herself against his chest, listened to his calm heartbeat and gave into the tiredness that rolled upon her without another warning. She didn’t hear the sound of her beeping phone, didn’t reach for it to read the message that had found its way to her.

“Never trust a stranger - friend, no one knows how this will end. Now it comes to light, the demon you have tried to fight, found its way into his soul, forever bound, he’ll never be whole. You will be punished for sinning, (y/n). We will meet again soon.”

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