#so i don’t remember whether immortality was something special that only certain sorcerers could attain

[dont-let-me-eat-pears]

no tv show ending has ever devastated me as much as merlin’s. and i haven’t watched “the diamond of the day” in years, but i still remember thinking the first time i finished it, back in 2013, that i maybe, with much reluctance and tears, maybe could’ve accepted that ending—

IF! it weren't for that final scene, with old merlin in the present day.

i could’ve comforted myself with the thought that arthur might rise again in just a few years, and even though gwaine still would've died tragically and pointlessly, at least merlin and gwen would get arthur back. but instead! we end on merlin alone, hundreds of years in the future, still waiting for arthur. which means gwen lost arthur forever, after so much angst and such a short time together. (she wouldn't have lost merlin, though. i don’t care what anyone says; there’s no way merlin wouldn’t have returned to camelot for at least her and gaius. plus, he hadn’t found out about gwaine yet.) and whenever arthur does return, it will be to a world where his wife and all his other loved ones, besides merlin, are long dead and gone. and sure, merlin still had people—gaius and gwen and his mother—to live for after arthur's death, but eventually, inevitably he outlived them all. to wait for arthur entailed losing everyone else.

so i can't quite comfort myself with the thought that merlin and arthur will eventually be reunited. because of what gwen lost. because of the losses arthur will awake to. because of the losses merlin has been carrying with him for hundreds of years.

so, no, i can't accept that ending.

#bbc merlin #merlin #arthur #gwen #merlin x arthur #arthur x gwen #merlin x gwen #gwaine #gaius #the diamond of the day #5x13 #text: merlin #my text #anyway #i've only watched the finale twice bc it's too painful #so i don’t remember whether immortality was something special that only certain sorcerers could attain #but while i'd like to think gaius would still be around at the end it doesn’t seem super likely #don’t mind me rambling #just feeling sadder about this show than i have in years