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#sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn
piplupod
·
11 months
Text
the brain better figure out a way to fix this shit real quick or idk what is going to happen honestly. i feel very sick
#counseling appt tomorrow (well today now lol.) and it is very hard for me to not ask to be put in psych ward
#i would be free from spiders there. they would feed me meals. i would be given sleep meds
#i would still be able to kill myself or hurt myself bc they're so shitty abt safeguarding things there but I'd at least have ppl around
#i feel really sick and really awful
#i just cannot stop having my heart pounding from anxiety and its been all day and I'm so tired
#i dont want to do this anymore
#i feel like im going to die from all this honestly even if i dont kill myself fjfkdl like this has to be taking a toll on the body
#idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao
#i hate that the ward feels like the safest place rn i hate that i dont have a safe home i hate this house I want out of here
#im trapped and stuck and even if i filled out all the applications for everything possible tonight i would still be stuck here for weeks
#at least weeks lmao its more likely months to even potentially like... 2+ years
#and theres no way out !!!!! i dont know what to do. im very scared
#sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn
#this is just me rn fjfldl no fucked up hormones at play
#im very afraid and i feel very sick and i cannot sleep and i just feel like i want to go home and when i question myself on that-
#-i think of the psych ward as the place i want to go and thats rly bad fjfldl thats rly rly bad that that is what my brain wants
#okay I'll stop now sorry
#i hope everyone else is doing okay fjfkdl i am glad ppl exist and live their lives and have ppl around them
#it makes me very happy that other ppl are real and alive and are doing okay
#idk . im tired. i hope i can sleep soon and i hope my heart stops acting up. i hope the holter monitor on thurs can get me help for this
#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
#suicide tw
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