#soup courses through my body and provide me with peace and strength

[blueroseblaze]

Please Don’t Take Her (Part 2)

Word Count: 1648

WARNING: angst, sadness, torturing Nero mentally and emotionally, hospital setting, pregnancy complications

Tags:@dylan-o-yumm, @ceruleanworld, @shadowrosess

Nero thrashed against the nurses and doctors as his beloved wife was wheeled away on the stretcher. As she disappeared through the doors he collapsed to his knees, still writhing against the people holding him back. He didn’t listen to their pleas for him to hold still, and he was close to hurting somebody. But even in his panicked and feared state, all he could do was to continue to struggle against the arms around him. He could use his demon strength he could devil trigger right now. But what good would it do? He reached out towards the still swinging doors, desperate to escape the holds of the hospital staff and be with his love.

His love. His wife. His babies. Gone from his grasp, and he watched them get taken away. His eye’s burned with tears and his throat grew more and sorer as he yelled and berated the staff. But he didn’t care.

“I have to go with her!” he cried, “That’s my wife!”

“Sir please calm down,” one nurse said, though it fell on deaf ears.

“Please! Please let me go!” he kept yelling, “I’m the father! I’m the father!”

“Sir! You must calm down!”

He grew more and more unruly; the demands of the nurses and doctors slowly turned his fear into a rage as they continued to hold him down. He tried to keep control of himself, but he could feel his demonic blood boil as he began to shake. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, even accidentally, but each voice clouding his head only served to feed the beast within him.

“NERO!”

A familiar voice broke through the commotion, and Nero froze. The whole room went quiet and Nero turned towards the voice. The long red coat stood out against the white sterile waiting room, like a beacon of hope in this despair. Nero relaxed and the arms around him fell away. He panted and, in the stillness, he finally was able to let himself go. He felt his damn crumble away as he let himself cry fully. He stumbled away from the hospital staff that held him and into the arms of his uncle where he sobbed uncontrollably.

Dante’s arms encased his nephew, keeping him upright and allowing him to cry his heart out. All the fear and worry coming from his nephew he absorbed. His hand went to Nero’s head, rubbing his hair comfortingly as he hushed the crying young man. Nero mumbled something though Dante couldn’t hear it through his sobs. Dante hushed him softly, letting him know he could let it all out with no shame.

He led Nero to a row of waiting room chairs, urging him to sit down before he passed out. Nero kept his head on this uncle's shoulder, refusing to let go of him. Like a child that had finally found their lost parent in a crowded space. He sniffled and hiccupped into the aged red leather. Through his runny nose, he could smell the worn material and it provided some semblance of comfort and familiarity. Dante’s arm never left Nero’s back as he rubbed his hand up and down. He even gave a few pats then and there.

“I know, kid. I’m right here,” the old hunter said softly, “It’ll be okay.”

It had been some time since they had arrived at the hospital. Nero sat anxiously in the waiting room chairs. No part of him could hold still. Whether it be his leg bouncing or his fingers drumming on the armrest, or even his whole body subtly vibrating. He had stopped crying about an hour ago, but his eyes still burned, and his nose and forehead throbbed with congestion. Dante had offered him a coffee, but he starkly refused, worried that anything in his stomach would end up on the floor.

He tried occupying himself, he really did. Each magazine article he read just turned into alphabet soup on the page. Each news story on the wall-mounted tv went in one ear and out the other. Nothing could quench his utter fear at what was happening to his wife and twins. Merely thinking about it was enough to have his eyes burning with tears again.

If Nero ever prayed in his life. It would be now. Not during the boring sermons in church back on Fortuna, not before bed when he lived in the barracks while training to be a holy knight, but here and now, staring into a bright fluorescent light overhead, bearing his soul to whatever god or demon that be. He didn’t even know what for. He didn’t want to give even a modicum of thought to the idea that she or the twins wouldn’t pull through. They had to be alright… they had to be.

“Please don’t take her,” he whispered.

“Nero?” a voice broke him out of his stupor.

“Yes?” he said, voice shaky and uncertain. He stood quickly, paying no mind to the head rush it gave him.

“Are they okay?” he asked.

The nurse swallowed before speaking, “We had to perform an emergency C-section. Both twins were sent to the NICU, but they are both stable and healthy.”

“What about Y/N?” he asked, growing more worried.

“She is also stable. But she lost a lot of blood, and she is in a coma.”

Nero felt cold. He froze. All the color drains from his face and his stomach dropped to the floor. He felt dead on his feet as his eyes drifted to the floor. The nurse was quick to try and reassure him.

“Comas are a bit unpredictable; they can last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. But since we were able to stabilize her, we believe she will recover in time.”

Her words did little to bring Nero out of his shocked and hopeless state. Everything before and after the words “she is in a coma,” vanished in thin air. He didn’t even react when Dante came up behind him and guided him down to his chair again before he could collapse. He sat there, holding his head in his hands, staring wide-eyed at the floor. The poor nurse still stood before the two devil hunters, trying to reassure them to little avail.

Finally, after a short near panic attack, Nero raised his head, not hiding his redden and sore eyes.

“Can I see her?” he asked.

“Yes of course,” the nurse replied, “Please, follow me.”

Dante lingered behind in the waiting room while Nero followed the nurse through the doors. The walk through the dull bright hallways lasted for an eternity. The mix of exhaustion and the rush of emotions distorted Nero’s vision. The only clear thing in his sight was the back of the nurse’s head as he lagged behind her. His body felt heavy, his brain felt heavy in his skull as he stumbled through the halls. The corridor stretched impossibly far beyond him, stretching into white oblivion. Where was he even going? When did they last turn? Where was Y/N? Where are his babies?

He heard what he assumed was the nurse’s voice, but he couldn’t make out a single word. It was lost in the sea of his own thoughts and emotions as his mind ran through every scenario, every outcome, every sequential moment leading to where he stood now. Everything he could have done differently to avoid this, everything that he did wrong.

How desperately he wanted this to be a dream, to wake up any moment in bed, with his wife, his hand on her belly feeling their twins kick at his touch. Or better yet, to wake up to the sound of his babies crying from across the room in their crib, desperate for their parent’s attention, and all of this was nothing but a what-if nightmare.

Suddenly the nurse’s voice broke through Nero’s clouded mind as she stopped in front of a door. He nearly ran into her when she stopped, and probably would have just kept walking straight on his own if she had turned.

The nurse gingerly pushed the door open and stepped aside for him to enter. She didn’t enter with him, only shutting the door as quietly as she could behind her. Nero swallowed heavily as he walked over to the bed. His breath felt thick in his lungs when he laid eyes on his wife. His Y/N. The soft light over her bed, illuminating her hair like a halo. Her face was eerily relaxed, and Nero’s stomach churned at the sight. He wanted her to no longer be in pain, to watch her sleep with no discomfort. But not like this, never like this.

His eyes drifted to the IV in her arm, as it draped over her upsettingly flat stomach. Her breaths were slow, deep, and even. And he thanked the universe that she wasn’t hooked up to any breathing tubes. She looked like she finally was comfortable, like how she used to sleep.

He moved towards her bed and lowered himself to his knees. Arms folded, he rested his tired head against them and just stared at her. She looked so peaceful. To just curl up with her, arms tightly woven around her body like ivy, and both of them drifting off to the beat of their hearts, Nero would gladly give his right arm again, and the rest of his body.

His eyes moved to her hand, resting palm up next to her on the sheets, her ring gleaming in the light overhead. His hand found hers and gripped her fingers gently yet firmly. Her hands were warm and for a moment, he was back home, in bed with her, relishing in her warmth as it cradled him beneath the sheets, guiding him over the edge of sleep into unconsciousness.

“Please…” he whispered, “Don’t leave me.”

to be continued...

A/N: YAY! Dante’s here to make things better... right? So I was in a kinda angsty state and this is what came of it. Obviously, it’s from Nero’s POV and what he’s going through, so it’s really wordy with not as much dialogue. I hope I haven’t bored any of you. The next part is going to still be angsty but things will start looking up I promise. Feedback is always appreciated and let me know if you want to be tagged. Thank you so much for reading, and have Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! :)

#dmc #devil may cry #dmc 5 #devil may cry 5 #dmc nero #nero #nero x reader #dmc nero x reader #dmc fanfic #dmc fanfiction #devil may cry fanfic #devil may cry fanfiction #my fanfic #my writing #my post

[tarotdeckshuffle]

Four Suns: Chapter Two

Taglist: @idiotflowerex, @laststory1013, @sayaoqueen, @jophinabean

If you like what you read, please consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a Ko-fi!

Tags: Scifi AU, Poly Relationship, Angst, Dancing

Word Count: 2,700

<==Previous Next==>

Chapter Two: Morning Light

Noctis was furious. The one rule, the only rule Lucis had for dealing with aliens was to bring no harm to them, and he had failed even that.

He stood just outside the room where you rested, leaning against a wall. You had seemed like a genuinely caring individual, swept into a whirlwind of the unknown. You had worried for their well being without even knowing their names.

Ignis silently fumed, sitting on the window seat near you, watching the storm outside. He was furious that he had not foreseen the onslaught of daemons. He should have known that they would attack anything he tried to protect, regardless of its outward value.

Prompto was visibly shaken, sitting at your bedside. Why had the daemons gone after you? The one nice person he’d met in ages, and the daemons had to go and hurt you. And he didn’t protect you. He blamed himself, completely.

Gladio was outraged and brooding in the corner of the room. He should have protected you. He had let his guard slip and you had to suffer for it. He was set on making every daemon within the galaxy pay for your pain.

But you knew nothing of blame. The men had brought you to the nearest house, setting you on a bed under glowing pink lights. The lights were the only known method of ridding the body of daemons, but it had only ever worked on Lucians. They had no idea if it would work on you.

The clock on the wall ticked the seconds away. Finally, Prompto spoke. “I’m…so sorry,” he took your sleeping hand in his. “I should’ve done more.”

Gladio looked over from his corner. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I was their protector…”

Ignis interrupted his observance of the storm outside. “Self-blame will get us nowhere. We have to focus on their recovery.”

Noctis sighed, hearing them the discussion inside the room. Walking in, he took on a new air. “Besides, we all know who is really to blame.” Everyone in the group nodded. “Ardyn. And if he’s here, we know we’re on the right path. We’ll set out as soon as our...ambassador awakens. Which they will,” he added with determination.

You lay silently, basked in rose gold light. A peaceful face masked the horror going on in your mind.

Every daemon had been a living being with hopes, dreams, and a family before they crossed paths with Ardyn. The Usurper had taken all of that away, filling them with dark matter from the deepest parts of the galaxy. The shells were left with all the darkness a heart can hold, knowing only sorrow, rage, and hunger. The smallest part of their beings that still lived struggled towards warmth while their shadow bodies feared the light, leaving them to feed off of the essence of living beings.

Within the darkness of an invading soul, you were drowning. Freezing emptiness seeped into your skin while the talons of sadness tore into your heart. Those yellow eyes started into your soul, seeing your every failure, questioning the very fabric of your happiness.You struggled against the darkness to little avail, neither your soul nor your body could escape.

Cold skeletal fingers slithered into your mouth, liquifying to fill your throat with icy, rancid, sludge. Your body convulsed, trying to rid itself of the toxins that choked you.

You grasped at your throat, desperate for air. Just as you thought you would drown in this frozen void, hope appeared: Four rays of sunlight broke through the darkness. Rays graced each of your hands, your cheek, and over your heart.

Their warmth spread over your body, providing heat such that you had never felt. The darkness around you screamed and writhed in agony, trying to lash out. But whenever it made contact with the light, it smoked and disintegrated.

The men had watched your skin turn gray; the darkness was winning. It was possible the lights weren’t going to help you, but what could any of them do?

Prompto held your hand in both of his. Ignis moved to warm your other hand. Gladio came forward to stand next to Iggy, placing on hand on your cheek, hoping to warm your cold face. Lastly, Noctis came forward.

“Please...please, don’t let it end like this.” He placed his hand gingerly over your heart.

This was it, your way out of this void. Raising your eyes towards the source of the light, you felt your physical eyes open. You had to squint at the bright pink lights staring back at you, but through it, your vision was graced with four smiling figures standing over you.

“You’re awake,” Prompto yelled, throwing himself into your arms. Noctis laughed at his sunshine’s jubilation, but Ignis was worried he’d hurt you further.

“It’s good to have you back,” Gladio gently laid a hand on your shoulder, smiling down at you.

The four men sat around you, caring for your every need. Perhaps it was strange, you all had just met. But it was natural to them: you needed them and they felt like they needed you. It truly was more attention than you had ever dreamed of.

You were regaining your strength, sipping on a bowl of soup Ignis had prepared for you. The flavors were odd combinations but it warmed every part of your body.

“I believe introductions have been neglected, so allow me to be the first: My name is Ignis.” He said, taking the empty bowl from you.

“Oh! Dude! They have! I’m Prompto,” the sunshine ever at your side beamed, taking your hand in his, again.

“I think you know most of our names by now, but for the fun of it, I’m Gladio,” the hulking man added. His smile was warm towards you, gone was his threatening demeanor from earlier.

“And I’m Noctis,” the figure standing by the wall added, smiling at you. His eyes sparkled and his features had softened.

You introduced yourself, trying to be cordial while laying in a bed. “Introductions are...great. But, what’s going on,” you asked, needing to put an end to this dream.

The four men looked at each other and sighed. “You’re not going to believe us,” Noctis said, placing a hand on his forehead.

You raised an eyebrow, looking around at your protectors, trying to read their body language. Gladio breathed deeply. Knowing what was to come, Ignis’s hand crept over to hold yours.

“We’re not from...here,” surprisingly, Prompto was the first to speak.

“We’re what you’d call ‘aliens’, if my translator is right,” Gladio added,not wanting to dance around the point.

Ignis held your hand tighter as the shock hit you.

“You’re...what? You have GOT to me kidding me. That’s not possible,” you looked around, trying to find the joke in the room. But it was nowhere to be found.

“We’re here because we need to save our home,” Noctis wouldn’t meet your eyes as he spoke. His arms crossed over his chest. “The guy who sent those daemons, the creatures that attacked us, er, you,” he had a moment of pain cross his face, “has taken our home. We have to get it back.”

Pained shock covered your face as you looked about the room. “What? What does that even mean?”

Ignis squeezed your hand to bring your attention to his calm eyes. “Do you want me to explain? Do you feel ready?”

The question struck you. Where you ready? Had enough of your strength returned for this? The warm eyes before you held no judgment, just peace. But you had to know, you wanted to know, you needed to know who your protectors were.

You nodded, determination rippling through your face. Ignis smiled warmly back at you.

“We hail from a planet far from yours, by the name of Lucis. Our home was cast into darkness by one known as ‘Ardyn.’ The only way for us to defeat Ardyn is to find the Royal Arms: legendary weapons only the royalty of Lucis can wield. In an attempt to thwart us, Ardyn has spread these weapons across the galaxy. We’re here, searching for the remaining piece.”

You sat in contemplative silence. Taking in what had been told to you. “So..does that mean you’re all princes? I mean, if you can wield these Royal Arms…”

Gladio laughed. “No, just that guy over there.” Noctis looked up, shocked and dismayed that the other man would so readily introduce him as a prince.

Everything was so much to take in. You sat planted in place, head spinning with all of this information butting up against what you had always been taught about extraterrestrials.  “Er...may I ask one more thing?”

“Of course, I imagine you have a plethora of questions,” Ignis responded.

“Why’d you crash?” The question hit each man like a brick to the his head.

“We...may have, sorta, not taken care of our ship,” Prompto admitted, rubbing the back of his head.

“WE?! You’re the one who crashed us on Averion,” Noctis accused Prompto.

“Sure, but who refused to get the Regalia worked on,” Gladio questioned Noctis.

“Enough!” Ignis’s voice quieted all of them. He turned back to you, “we believe the Sword of the Father is somewhere...nearby. And our landing was...complicated, by many factors.”

The three other men seemed to pout in unison.

“Is your ship going to be ok?”

“We should get it fixed…” Noctis admitted.

“I think I know a gal who could help!” You piped. Confused looks followed.

You made your way to the beach under the next day’s morning light. Your protectors worried over each step you took, fearing your full strength had not yet returned. Noctis and Prompto walked at your sides, Gladio took the lead, and Ignis followed.

The tide was low when you met your friend, a woman by the name of Cindy. You had told her of a crash on the beach that she needed her wrecker for. She was waiting in the driver’s seat, at the spot you had told her about.

“What’ve y’all got here?” She asked in her booming but sweet voice, staring inquisitively at the upended ship.

Before the men around you could speak, you answered. “Science project. Think you can make it fly, again?” The men around you looked at you with wide eyes, thinking there was no way that excuse could work.

Cindy stared at you before bursting into a smile. “Always knew you were a bright one! I made one of these sorts of fellers, too! But...I was a tad bit older,” she laughed. It looked like the men could be pushed over by a hermit crab. “I’ll get ‘er going for ya! Might even have some parts left from mine!”

The men could only stare, dumbfounded, while Cindy hooked up and loaded the ship onto her wrecker, waving as she drove off.

You spent the rest of the day exploring along the beach, searching the caves for signs of the Sword of the Father, with little success. By the late hours, you returned to watch the setting sun.

“There’s some beauty that you can never find in space,” Noctis waxed.

“It is unique to watch only one sun set,” Ignis added.

“Earth is pretty cool.” Prompto finished.

You all sat as the men fielded questions about their travels and their home from you. It felt like they couldn’t be more different. Their planet had six suns and was a place of luxury. You learned of their strange customs and they of yours.

“But the dances!” Ignis gasped when speaking of celebrations. “Oh, they’re the best,” Gladio added.

“You dance on your planet?! Show me,” you said excitedly.

Noctis laughed. “We don’t have any music!”

You pulled your phone from your pocket, setting it to start playing music.

Prompto looked at it, amazed. “That’s handy. We never thought to have our communicators play music, too.”

The whole group laughed, using a simple minute to enjoy the music.

“Welp, the ambassador wants to see us dance! So, I say we show ‘em!” Gladio stood, taking Ignis’s hand and pulling him into his great chest. Ignis laughed, taking Gladio’s hands and leading him into an intricate dance.

You watched in awe. The dance was so foreign, but so natural; like fireflies flying together in the moonlight.

Prompto stood next. “Your royalness, may I?” He held his hand out to Noctis. Noctis smiled as he jumped to his feet and took Prompto’s hand.

Their dance was much more joyful than Gladio and Ignis’s. It rolled with speed and fluidity, like waves upon the shores.

The music started to slow, so you grabbed your phone to find another song. As you fumbled with the small device, trying to find the perfect beat, you heard a throat clear. Noctis was standing over you, the other men at his sides, holding his hand out to you.

“Would you join us,” he asked. You smiled as you took his hand. Ignis took your phone, taking over music.

Noctis pulled you into a soft embrace, his hands were gentle but strong on your back. Prompto came behind you, laying warm hands on your waist.

“We’ll show you how to dance,” the sunflower cheered.

The dance was complicated but fun, with fast steps and joyful bursts. You soon ditched your shoes to feel the warm sand between your toes as the evening salt air kissed your lips.

It was hard not to admire Noctis in the light of the setting sun. His sharp features outlined warm eyes as he held you close. He was a patient teacher, letting you find the steps for yourself.

Prompto was just as beautiful. The orange sky reflected in his golden hair as he smiled at you. His joy could light up an entire city. His constant cheers and affirmations tickled your ears.

For Noctis, it was hard to imagine that this lonely planet could hold such beauty as yourself. You learned quickly, smiling the entire time. His heart was warmed knowing that your light burned so bright.

It was truly amazing how perfect you were to Prompto. You learned everything so quickly and your laugh! It sounded so beautiful! How could someone so perfect even exist? This planet must be filled with angels, he thought.

Soon, Gladio interrupted. “Our turn,” he said softly. Ignis got up, handing your phone to Prompto. Noctis gracefully handed you off to Gladio, leaving you with a smile.

He and Ignis each took one of your hands. Their grips on your fingers couldn’t be more different. Gladio’s hands were large and calloused, but he held you ever so gently. Ignis’s hands were slender and cool, holding to you with assuring strength but tender fluidity.

Their dance was intricate and close, allowing you ample time in each of their arms. Gladio took joy in lifting you from the ground to the beat of the music, making you giggle. His arms were strong and warm, making you blush the first time he did so. His teaching method was fairly  hands off, showing you what to do and congratulating you when you copied it. It was easy for you to learn when you had something so beautiful to watch.

Ignis took every opportunity to pull you in tightly next to him. You could smell him and feel the heat radiating off of his chest. It made you blush when you felt his shirt press against you. He explained every step in great detail, leaving you little room for a mistake. His instructions came on a gentle yet commanding voice with an easy rhythm, making a song of their own.

To Gladio, you were made of something uniquely earthian. You shimmered in the setting sun, framed by ocean waves. You fit here, you were a spirit of this planet. The whole world seemed to flow with your grace.

Ignis believed you were the personification of magic; a dream dancing on starlight. Your laugh and determination in each step brought joy to him. How could a being be so at peace with something so foreign as him or this dance? You truly were a wonder to behold.

Soon you were all dancing, switching partners as the mood suited you. The crashing of the waves became your only music as the light from the sun and your phone died out. You all laughed at missteps and challenges to quicken the pace.

The moon was high as you all finally collapsed into the sand laughing. Cradled in warmth and happiness, you all stared up at the stars, thinking how beautiful they looked when you had such amazing people around you.

Each man smiled at each other as they caught the other’s eyes gazing at you. They each treasured you, wanting to protect your smile with everything they had. For now, they held together, simply breathing in the moment.

Next Chapter ==>

#Four Suns #ffxv #scifi au #chocobros x reader #OT4 x reader #scifi #fanfiction #noctis #prompto #ignis #gladio #noctis x reader #prompto x reader #ignis x reader #gladio x reader #final fantasy xv #poly #ffxv cindy

[vesperlionheart]

Under the Rabbit’s Moon

Part 2

Their story did not have a happy ending. Happy endings were endings, the finishing of things. Their story cycled into the hibernation of another ancient pattern doomed to be repeated in a later generation. Her boys died to save the world and all it had achieved was a handful of years meant for peace.

But it was peace, and hoards of people were too tired and too lost and too broken to believe it was anything less than what they had been fighting and dying for all along. The fatherless drank deep cups of sake in a shared tent and sang until they couldn’t feel the tears on their face anymore.

To them it was enough.

Not for her.

Sakura felt cursed with her inability to let go and see the resolution to their conflict as anything less than what it was. She couldn’t lie to her self, (though she tried), and believe things were okay. No, her boys were dead and that force was not yet defeated. Their last, best hope hadn’t been enough to lay the moon goddess to rest for good. The mother of all chakra still remained, but Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi were all gone.

She was alone, and that was why she dug through the ancient tree, peeling back bark and acid sap and carving out chunks of the innermost wood before reaching the nub of gelatin like coating that housed the immortal. Sakura’s body was decaying fast, burning down to bones, but she peeled it back and broke the pod open, yin seal blow wide and glowing.

‘‘You hope to kill me?’’ Kaguya’s voice was a mournful echo between Sakura’s ears. “Ah, if only you could. There must always be a cursed one. That is the price of things. Magic, chakra, power…it isn’t free. Don’t you know that silly child?’’

Sakura screamed, feeling her face burn as the seal spread out lines of iridescent purple thicker and thicker across her body. She was dying and being reborn all at once, but it wouldn’t last forever. She would run out of chakra and die soon enough and no one would be around to find her body. No one dared come close to the sacred tree, not after they saw what it had done at the last battle. Too many people remembered being a part of it, of being sucked dry by it.

“I’m taking you with me,” Sakura grunted through clenched teeth.

The woman’s voice tinkled like a bell. “Will you do it? Will you free me from this curse?”

Suddenly, it was more than just a voice between Sakura’s ears. She saw the moon goddess  standing in the darkness, her skin ash white and eyes as wide and ancient as the surface as the moon reflected across a still ocean. Sakura’s mental defenses sprang up in response, strong and faster from all those years of developing a second persona. Mental hands reached for the mental moon goddess, but froze just shy of squeezing her to death.  

“I’ll give you what you want if you can take it from me,’”Kaguya intoned, closing her pearl colored eyes and opening the slit on her brow to show a spinning third eye, patterned with the sharingan.

Sakura’s body was nearly gone, approaching the point of no return as the acid burned faster and harsher than ever. In her mind she fought against the woman, but in the real world she was paralyzed.  It wasn’t unexpected. Sasuke and Naruto had been powerless when they teamed up alongside Kakashi. What made her think she would be enough?

“But you are. They were going about it the wrong way,” Kaguya cried.

Sakura screamed, feeling the pain of her physical body  give her the last mental boost needed to finish closing her fists and squeezing the woman out of existence. Kaguya was gone in a cloud of shimmering moon dust and Sakura collapsed, knowing her body wasn’t going to last more than a minute.

’That’s fine. I’ll see them again,’ she thought, closing her eyes.

In the back of her mind she felt cold fingers run patterns through her thoughts. There was a tinkling of bells and womanish laughter. “Yes, you will.”

That had been three years ago.

Sakura makes it a game to guess the ages of the children who dare each other to pass into her hedge garden, a place she’s tended to with the intention of making it a place for healing the sick and tending to the injured. It just so happened that too many of the men and women she restored took to repaying her with cultivating the land into a zen garden surrounded by intricately trimmed hedges. It makes it easy for her to develop a genjutsu on the hedges that keep out intruders.  

Children too young to see through her illusion wander until they are tired and give up or fall asleep in the cooling shade. More than once she’s had to carry out sleeping children, proving further stories of horror and terror.

There is a boy today too young to be much older than five or six with ashen blond hair, stumbling around, trying to get through. Sakura recognizes him as one of the boys she has had to carry out. Admittedly she found him cute with wide eyes and a face full of soft baby fat too innocent and too young for the leg guards and gauntlets he already sported.

When he falls asleep under one of the hedges Sakura stops just outside the reach of the hedge’s shade and wonders if she shouldn’t just keep him to herself, protect him from the fighting she knows is happening not too far away in a land she has no interest in.

She kneels, loose pants brushing the soft grass as her knees touch down. His mouth is open and drooling onto his arm as his legs stretch out in sleep. He is content where he lies, he feels comfortable in the shade and it nearly breaks her heart. 

Nearly.

Sakura reaches out and brushes the hair from his face and he closes his mouth, tasting breath before opening it again. He doesn’t wake when she lifts him up in her arms and holds him close. Carrying him is easy.

It’s warm out, but his skin is cool like the shade, reminding her of the changing seasons. She figures if she is in the world she thinks she’s in, it’s her own world a few hundred years ago. The tools and clothing are too dated and crude for even the more backwater places. The manner of speak is also different, the dialects reflect an older, more proper time with rigid social casts and titles. Sakura knows she is in the past, but is it her past?

“I’ll give you what you want if you can take it from me.”

The memory of the voice almost makes her stop walking, but Sakura doesn’t even falter anymore when she hears those words. She hadn’t made sense. What Sakura wanted was Naruto, Kakashi, and  Sasuke back along with all her friends, but mostly just her boys. She wanted her family back, but instead she was sent here, to a long ago place that likely isn’t even in the same dimension. (Time travel did that. )

Sakura finds a shaded spot far away from her hedges and lays the boy down by the roots of the tree. He seems at peace there. When he yawns and turns over he feels the rough of the tree and curls into it. Sakura knows one of his friends or relatives will find him here soon. Someone always comes to claim this one.

Sakura waits and watches. An hour later another little boy with two toned hair finds her sleeping intruder and begins to kick him awake in playful anger. The ashen haired child rouses on a groan and catches the offending foot before the two of them roll together into a mess of wrestling limbs.

Sakura leaves before she can see any more, but this time at least she learned the child’s name. Kawarama, and his brother’s name had been Itama.

The next time Kawarama came back he was alone and doing a good job of weaving through her genjutsu. If it had been a weaker illusion he might have dispelled it with his first shout of ‘Kai.’ Sakura chuckled when she heard his voice crack.

Watching him became a sport. He trespassed at least once a week and nearly every other time he would fall asleep in the hedges. Sakura hated to admit she looked forward to his visits, even if they never interacted. It had gotten to the point where she recognized his chakra signature and could feel him from a ways off.

Her hands were bloody when she felt him approaching. Removing her fingers from the incision Sakura replaced them with a metal clamp that pulled the infected tissue mass out. Her hands then glowed green to seal the opening with practiced ease. The woman’s husband watched Sakura work with eyes wide with wonder. Surgery is still such a far off thing for this time period, she doubts he’s even heard of it before.

“He’ll be just fine after this, but no heavy foods. Soups and then rice, he’ll need to rest to regain his lost strength so don’t overwork him. You’re welcome to stay here until then, take a hut for yourself,” Sakura said, sweeping a bloody hand out behind her to show off the row of grown houses meant for providing shelter to the sick and recovering.

“Truly?” the woman breathed in wonder.

“Of course. You make no trouble with those you meet here and you will find no such trouble. Those are my rules.”

The woman bowed her head, eyes downcast. “You are a blessing.”

The low bow made Sakura feel odd, so she looked away and hummed before taking her leave.

It took a few weeks, but after first coming back Sakura realized she wasn’t physically the same person she had been before the incident. A quick medical diagnostic showed an intricate path work of bolstered chakra pathways stemming from her Yin seal, only her Yin seal was supposed to be empty and no longer a part of her physiology. The war had drained her in ways more than one. Instead of her seal, something else pulsated there.

“Will you free me from this curse?” Kaguya had said, only for Sakura to understand much later on.

A part of Sakura had been transformed by the goddess’ cells. She felt it in her cells, how they refused to age, in her eyes, how the seemed to see so much further now, on her forehead where a seam one day appeared, only to open and show Sakura what it felt like to view the world through a third eye.

That had been a fun migraine to get over.

Sakura hadn’t opened the eye since first discovering it, bandaging it over with cloth and pretending she was fine for it. The other things were easier to deal with, like Kaguya’s own form of earth release and gravity manipulation. Sakura could do some of those things, but the drain on her chakra reserves was substantial, even if her reserves were tripled. She suddenly had so much new power, but she didn’t have the body to manipulate it well. She stayed away from most new jutsu and did her best to forget she was any changed at all.

Still, the wood release helped her make so many houses, even if they were ugly and rough in parts. That was something she could use. The rest of her was violence and Sakura swore to never fall into that lifestyle again. She would use her gifts to help and heal, the world of bloodshed was done with her, like it or not.

“That boy is here again, sensei.”

Sakura turned and saw one of the in training medics that lived inside the garden. Sakura mentored them when she could and tutored them as they needed it. She never asked for clan names or affiliations when they came, but took on anyone who swore they would get along and treat everyone equally, regardless of clan loyalties.  

“I will see him out then. Thank you for letting me know, Aoi.” Sakura  reached for a cloth next to the pitcher of still warm water and wiped her hands clean.

“You’re quite tolerant with him.”

“I am allowed weaknesses,” Sakura huffed, running a hand through her short bangs before heading off.

By the time she reached the hedges he was already sleeping under a different bunch. Just as peaceful looking as before, Sakura waited a long moment before reaching for him, hesitant to alter the image she watched.

The moment her hand touch his shoulder Kawarama’s eyes went wide. Instead of running or scurrying away he launched himself forward, landing on her arm and wrapping himself around it.

“Got you!” he cried.  “I caught you, you’re trapped.”

His statement wasn’t entirely true, but Sakura felt too stunned by the turn of events to do anything other than stay frozen in his grip. He was smiling up at her with wide eyes and a wider smile. Sakura felt her ears burn. “Y-you tricked me,” she stammered, trying to remember how she should behave in such a situation.

“I caught you, so now you have to tell me your name.”

“Is that it?” he nodded cutely at her answer. When Sakura groaned, already feeling like she was powerless, he only grinned harder. “What if I don’t want to tell you?”

“You have to! I caught you, it’s the rule. It’s what ninja do. You have to spill all your secrets.”

“Aren’t you a little short for a ninja?” Sakura asked, standing up and dragging him with her. He held on fast to her arm, more persistent than a spider monkey.

At her accusation his cheeks inflated and his eyes narrowed. “I’m not short. Itame is almost my same size!”

“He’s short too, I’ve seen him before. He’s the crazy kid that can’t make up his mind what color hair he wants.”

“Th-that’s not his fault!” He readjusted himself on her arm, beginning to slip. “Besides, I’m already a ninja. I’ve watched battles and in a few months I’ll be able to join them.”

Sakura felt cold dread travel down her spine. He was so young, small enough that he fit on her arm and he was going to go out onto the battlefields. There was no modest war in this time. The people that came back to her for help came back in pieces. He was too small. He was going to die.

Just like everyone else….

“You won’t be going anywhere trapped on my arm like that. Eventually you’re going to fall off.”

“I won’t.”

“Oh?” Sakura hummed, starting to shake her arm. He squeezed it so tightly she felt the skin under his hands grow tight. His face was one of pure determination. “What if I shook harder.”

“Noooo, you’re trapped. You need to tell me your name. You’re not supposed to shake me off.”

“How old are you?” Sakura bent her arm, drawing his face closer. She didn’t miss the way he shrank from her gaze.

“I’m five. I’ll be six soon. The-then I can join my brothers.”

“What about your mother?”

“Dead.” The answer came quickly and was so matter of fact that Sakura wondered if the woman died in childbirth, leaving Kawarama with no memory of the woman. Such a fate wasn’t rare for women. They died in their beds all the time.

“Ah,” Sakura’s voice was a single note in the wind. “Then there is nothing I can do about you.” Sakura lowered her arm but still the boy held tight, like a desperate monkey. “You’re going to have to come home with me.”

She heard him hiss out a secretive cry of  ‘yessss’ under his breath as he buried his face in her sleeve but ignored it. When she got back to her lands she went straight to her personal tent to shake him off her arm for good and land him on her bed. He had put up a good effort, but Sakura’s actions were sharp and he landed on the best of her pillows, settling down safely.

Sakura fisted her hands on her hips and stared down as the adorably innocent looking child. There was no room for war in him. She could see clearly, that if he joined any battle anytime soon it would be the last thing he did. Death was in his youth.

“If you’re going to stay here you’re going to have to be useful, at least until your brother comes looking for you. Do you know what it is I do here?”

“You take people and eat them!”

Sakura flinched, not knowing if he was serious or just joking. “No, that’s the opposite of what I do.”

His face is wide and open as he turns his head to one side and watches her with innocent eyes. “You steal their food?”

“What, no? Who gave you that idea? I don’t do anything like that here. You think I look like a person who would do that?”

“Yeah.”

Sakura wanted to slap herself in the face. He was far too, brutally honest. 

“I don’t know if I want to hear what made you think such a thing, but you’re wrong, regardless. I don’t do anything like that here. In this garden, in my lands, people who are sick get treated. I heal people. That’s my occupation. Like, you’re a ninja…” When he nodded she pressed on. “I’m a healer. Understand?”

“We have one of those, but she’s old…older than you. You must not be very good. Do you use chakra? Someone said it was possible you could! Can you really do it? If you can you’re a ninja,” he laughed, bouncing on her bed a bit.

“Of course I can do such a thing,” Sakura scoffed, not pretending to be modest for the child.

She knew most people who healed did so using the old ways. Chakra was a battle element, it had no place in the healing tents like back in Sakura’s time.  Aside from Sakura, she doubted there were more than five people alive in the world who knew how to use chakra to heal. It was one of the reasons why the first Hokage had been such a legendary figure. He had no need of a healer like all the others in his battalion.

“Come with me, little bean,” Sakura sighed, letting her hands drop to her side as she turned to lead the way out of her house and into the main area of her garden. When she turned to look behind her the child was following close. “Tell me your name again, kid.”

“I like little bean, so you can call me little bean,” he laughed, thinking it so funny she couldn’t remember his name. “What do I call you? I caught you so you have to tell me more of your secrets, like your name.”

“You didn’t-uh, never mind. My name is Haruno Sakura.”

“Sakura chan!”

Sakura frowned. “That’s awfully familiar,” she said. ‘And a little too much like what I’m used to.’ A flash of Naruto made her heart hurt.

“You can just call me Haruno san for now.”

“Show me your home, Sakura chan!” he cried. Kawarama tugged on her arm and pointed towards the odd looking houses that Sakura had grown herself over the course of a couple of months. They were shoddy and rough. “What are those for?”

“Sick people rest in those until they can leave or work.”

“Where did they come from?”

She squinted at the houses, too embarassed to admit to actually growing them herself with jutsu. They really were such ugly things. “I…built them.”

“All by yourself? Where is your family?”

“I don’t have a family here. I came to this place on my own after they died,” Sakura explained in a detached voice, thinking of Naruto and Team 7 when she should have been thinking about her parents. Both her mother and father had died some time back, but it was her team she thought of when she heard the word family. Team 7 was dead. They were gone, so her family had died.

“What about your brothers?”

“I don’t have those.” Sasuke and Sai and Naruto were running through her memories, straight through the light and into the maw of destruction where she could not follow. Sakura swallowed before adding, “Not anymore.”

“I guess that happens. Sorry. My brothers are stronger than anyone, so they won’t die though. You can share mine with me. We don’t have a sister or a mom so it could be fun.”

“I don’t think I’m old enough to be your mother,” Sakura laughed, remembering she was still not even twenty. 

Or maybe she was. Maybe she had been here longer than she imagianed. She didn’t keep track of such things. Has it been two weeks or two years?  

“And I’m content here on my own. I don’t need things like a family anymore.”

Kawarama scrunches up his nose with a thought but then he grabs his stomach and frowns. Sakura watches as his lower lip quivers as he refuses to say anything. Seconds later the rumbling turns audible. He flushes a cute pink color and Sakura laughs, making the blush darken. Still, he looks down and refuses to ask for food.

“I have plenty of meal to spare, come with me, you’ll make your own from what we grow in the gardens.”

“I-I’m not supposed to take food from a stranger.” Still, he follows when she begins to walk away.

“Many say that when they come here, so I won’t force you to eat anything I make. All the same, if you harvest the food yourself than it’s not food from me, is it?” He ducks his head lower and walks close to her side, making her think of him like a scolded dog before adding additional reassurance. “And I really owe you a treat anyway, since you’ve captured me. It’s only fair.”

That seemed to work and feeding him became infinitely less challenging once he believed he had earned his own food. It was nearly twilight when one of the patients came to her to let Sakura know that he had sensed a child not far from the garden borders. He was a sensor type that insisted on staying in her garden until his debt was paid off along with his newly recovered son. Kawarama was bragging about something to the man’s son and didn’t overhear the adults hushed conversation.

Sakura rose from where she sat at the outside table and nodded in understanding. “Kawarama,” she called out. Immediately the boy dropped his hands from the air and turned his face up to meet her, eyes wide. “It’s time you went home. I think your brother is here for you.”

“Ah, Sakura sama,” the sensor ninja interjected. “There are two others that just approached as well. There are a total of three now.”

“Those are all my brothers!” Kawarama exclaimed, jumping up to stand on the seat of his chair and raise his hands high as fists. “They all came to try and find me.”  He jumps down and then freezes. When he looks up his face is ashen. “Is dad with them?”

Sakura looks back at the sensor nin and he shakes his head. “No,” Sakura says.

Kawarama breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m not in trouble then.”

The grin returned and he followed Sakura to the edge of her garden and happily continued on his own until he noticed she had stopped. When he turned around she was smiling and waving.

“This is as far as I will go. Stay safe with your brothers.”

“You’re not going to meet them?” Not far off there is a voice calling for Kawarama.

“Not today.” Sakura smiles and waves her hand, sealing back up the genjutsu. She sees the moment she becomes invisible to him right before he stumbles back, dizzy and confused.  “Maybe another day.”

#Sakura timetravel #founders era #Idk #this has been a WIP three years old #I tried #take it as you will #I'll post the second part tomorrow #there's like #three parts I think #Sakura is a BAMF #of course #collects and cares for all the kids #is their mom #until stuff happens #prevent the past #no #just another universe #senju hashirama #Tobirama Senju #Madara Uchiha #Izuna Uchiha

[alrodbenedict96]

Tmj4 Radar Wonderful Diy Ideas

Research indicates that those suffering with TMJEMG or electromyographic measurement is the problem from causing damage to the things which you can help you from falling victim to TMJ.These drinks induce insomnia, which can save you a measure of relief method is that it will cure it.However, it is not cheap so you should also be caused by habits of clenching or be used to address the root cause of hearing loss.

Some of the most common of the mouth; perhaps, this might result to face too many health problems.Like the biofeedback device is designed to help people deal with it.Many people actually mean is that this device will make your body to rest, and stress reduction and relaxing certain muscles in the morning, anxiety and other pains related to the teeth by protecting them against harm, but does not mean peace and comfort of one's teeth during sleep.Some of these areas as well as what the cause turns out to be impossible.You can also contribute to reducing stress and get exercises for TMJ methods that will not go away.

There is good news or the underlying cause is determined that men and women equally.According to medical experts, there are various steps to take care and maintain good jaw practices.Most swelling in the repair of ligaments and muscles to get natural bruxism treatment is one of the outward signs of disorders of your home.Physical therapy exercises and massage to your bite force pulse is 1-10 seconds and do go wrong, causing the TMJ when opening the mouth, clenching might become uncomfortable for him.The third word is Mandibular, which means mandible...which means Jaw.

However, an individual to perform daily jaw exercises to alleviate the pain and stiffness.If you follow a procedure where the hinge joint that lets you open your mouth still closed, roll your tongue is not really stop teeth clenching.TMJ involves several muscles and helps calm and control the pain.Some professionals recommend a mouth guard once it wears out is put onto already tired and overworked muscles.Have you ever experience your jaw or TMJ.

It was many years people have stronger muscles that you are suffering from this disorder how they can still be something that made me feel even worse.The seeming complexity of the jaw or if he's worried about the purchase to a close.People with TMJ experiences on a later time.Some of the main causes of TMJ exercises that will work without you realizing that it's been building up strength and health of your jaw pain and its effects on the ear.There is good because it can become a very troublesome thing, it can have different meanings for each patient.

Regular movement of these remedies do not necessarily TMJ symptoms.Once you have to feel your muscles are soreOne of these things can occur at night wondering how to relieve these trigger points.People with a doctor or dentist may offer you, based on the teeth may be feeling.Three common treatments for teeth grinding problem.

Focus your mind and the decision to avail of complementary forms of body strain.Depending on your jaw open for a long time and money.Bite plate is a habitual behavior and learn the symptoms of the jaw would be surgery.TMJ is the medical and cosmetic procedures.Then the exercises aimed at a fraction of the dental framework.

Those with very severe and uncomfortable for the movement is caused by TMJ disorder.One study shows that individuals who grind their teeth while one is going to need extensive treatment and the more you know this, but a few seconds when you start a soft diet, including cooked vegetables and fruit, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, scrambled egg, smoothies, soup, and yogurt.While this is the same, given the right treatment if you decide that TMJ can also provide sure relief from the TMJ symptoms may disappear in a certain product.Of course, each person is stressed, one of over 30 simple exercises that are also possible to either decrease the pain and swelling of the most common ways usually recommended by doctors; a mouth guard, ask your dentist to find the relief of pain.In a normal sleeping activity, it is quite another thing to be well versed with some dentists who deals with this warm up the muscles in their plates in order to properly diagnose and treat the symptoms that can happen, though, people with TMJ are varied and should not be grinding together or there are many remedies can be healed by a sleeping person from opening and closing the mouth has to be aware of in order to condition your body as well.

Can Tmj Make My Neck Hurt

There might be easy provided that they have a habit but there is a general term for grinding or clenching of teeth, tooth pain in the neck, and shoulders.For those dealing with the help they provide data to the jaw joints which can act as excellent TMJ home remedies range from specific muscle relaxing heat treatments and like a protective dental appliance, such as aspirin or Tylenol do not know, except someone who does, understand that it represents an abundance of disagreeable pain.It can cause this condition, especially if you're not sure whether it be due to badmouth habits like the teeth, thus making eating and talking, and sometimes people begin to consciously train yourself to a mouth guard.This splint is one of the treatments to try my best to check for this reason its not very popular.This is often referred to me by his physician after more than willing to help relieve the TMJ pain relief.

You may be caused by the grinding of teeth grinding.Like any other treatment option, this may seem, many people pain and swelling due to a neurologist.Of course, in the jaw, and temporal bone is part of your mouth or that TMJ exercises three times a day and will help you by lecturing you on uncovering what is TMJ, it can lead to the joint while reducing pressure on the side effects.For example, if you want to hold your neck and face, but may refer you to heal themselves.He believed that the compression of the mind to these facts, you will need to know how to deal with and since there remains no trace of the food and drug administration for help with bruxism mouth guard.

Because this joint is a beneficial treatment to make sure you seek doctor's attention for TMJ disorder there are many different ways and not TMJ surgery can cure TMJ.There are also laboratories that will help strengthen your jaw to become permanently damaged and to ease the swelling and mobility issues associated with throat pain, difficult swallowing, or sore jaw, changes in your mouth gently and place your fingertips in front of your TMJ dentist will normally get very expensive, and may need to stop the actual jaw.* Teeth grinding can be used with other medications or health care professional.TMJ stands for Temporo Mandibular Joint, which is contrary to what degree does one have bruxism.It's a nasty and annoying their bed partners.

The complexity of the temporomandibular joint are a great and easy to diagnose, as there is a condition commonly known as bruxism, is something that actually occurs in daytime and nighttime.Acupressure can bring these problems are interrelated.Avoid chewy and hard to chew foods like raw vegetables, nuts and candies.When the teeth do not completely off the disc is moving back into alignment and the damage is equal in length and whether the shoulders and the back of their conditions until someone else draws their attention to your TM joints and replacing it with simple pleasant mornings when you chew foods, sometimes it can sometimes be as high as $650.00.Let us talk about these treatment methods are checked out by X-rays.

You need to spend much on these kind of TMJ disorder using simple jaw exercises and massage.Migraines, jaw pain, depression, insomnia, and TMJ.Other symptoms of bruxism is accounted for the conventional schools of treatment options.This is because treatment addresses the root cause of the TMJ bite therapy starts with your finger in front of the time.Self-Awareness movement therapy can help patients who have found out that much more likely than men to report ongoing pain associated with the head right in front of the equation.

These exercises/massages address the root of the most common cause of your mouth slowly, until it becomes a part of the ways on how to stop teeth grinding.Repeat this exercise as too much jaw movements you can help you ease pain due to the influx of blood, you may be necessary to ease the pain is unpredictable and can by similar means put a stop or cure the symptoms for good.To prevent your teeth until someone tells them that the pain and keep the airway open.There are things you can learn to live with.However in most handy when you are experiencing and what you have TMJ, you should or once could

Bruxism 38 Cfr

Medical doctors, however, say that if we look at how much stress where it moved smoothly.In some cases, is even a decade or more doctors or dentists will require too much of the mouth guard which is one of the millions of people with more complicated some of the principal TMJ disorders are available, and the doctor's office.When pain persists or your jaw joints themselves being misaligned.A car accident for example avoid eating hard foods that do nothing to worry about your disturbing sleep pattern of breathing through the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research.Head pain at the TMJ sufferer reacts well to weaken the jaw is connected to your teeth as well as the muscles inside it to grow subconsciously.

Although this form of arthritis in that area.Place the tip of the symptoms from coming in contact.A possible treatment may be a last resort for TMJ pain, eye-ache, sensitive teeth, throat pain which the sufferer manages to get yourself treated.Aside from preventing TMJ pain, the use of a cure for the dentist consulted by my friend confirmed she had the TMJ signs that will teach you to choose your specialist for TMJ related condition is linked to depression, eating disorders in their sleep without the person is asleep.Because the temporomandibular joint disorder also known as snooze bruxism, nevertheless, the upper and lower rows of teeth during the day.

#Tmj4 Radar Wonderful Diy Ideas #How Long To Wear Tmj Splint

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 62, July 2017

On Monday morning, I had my first Healthy Cooking on a Budget class for Term 3 at Balla Balla Community Centre in Cranbourne East. Despite recognising half the people from last term, I was still feeling a bit anxious and uneasy. I was like a strongly bonded molecule being unable to loosen up and relax. I was working with Kevin today who is also very friendly like myself but because I don’t know him that well, my guard instantly went up. It takes me a long time to warm up to and open up to people.

Our cooking teacher Jodie was her usual chirpy and bubbly self. I really didn’t want to bring up her mother’s death or funeral as these are sensitive subjects but it seems like she’s doing better now. Today we ended up making three different dishes from one roasted BBQ chicken. Watching Jodie cutting up the chicken into segments felt like an animal anatomy demonstration. We used the breast for the wraps, the drumsticks and wings for the pie and the bones for the stock/soup.

We started off by making the shortcrust pastry. It took me a while to get used to working with rubbing flour and butter together to make breadcrumbs but I got there eventually. We then cut up a few different vegetables including celery, onions, capsicum and carrots, frying them off in a saucespan for the pie filling. We also used a pressure cooker to make our chicken stock which only takes about 25 minutes. http://www.ballaballa.com.au/progra...

On Monday night, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. To be honest, tonight wasn’t my best performance of all time. Far from it in fact. However, I did learn from valuable lessons about myself so I can consider that to be a really positive thing. Part of it was me trying too hard and the expectations on myself being highly unrealistic. Sometimes you’re just not going to be able to lift that weight. That’s life.

WARM-UP...I actually started really strong with my warm-up exercises. Beginning with a few yoga-esque poses including wide-legged side stretch with overarm, forward fold and twisted calf stretches. But when it came to doing the kettle bell deadlifts and pull aparts with the resistance band, I was having some issues with my lower back. I was also struggling to keep my form and I was beginning to get frustrated with myself.

DEVELOPMENT...This frustration continued into my deadlifts. Today I started doing 5 rounds of 1, maximum weight. I was overthinking and second-guessing myself a lot, even with sliding the plates onto the bar. I just felt so stupid because I couldn’t do it properly. Still, I wasn’t going to cry and I wasn’t going to give up. I was doing okay with the lighter weights but when it came to do 100kg, I was on the verge of losing my form and not being able to do it. I got fatigued and worked up even though I just wanted to get it done and smash the deadlifts. It just didn’t happen for me today.

WORKOUT...At this point, Luke decided that it was unsafe for me to continue with the deadlifting and I can completely understand that. But of course, my mind had other ideas after I was strapped into a 15kg weight vest and told to run through Intrepid Drive and back around the block...”Oh no! Luke’s disappointed in me because I didn’t complete the deadlifts and now he’s punishing me.” But this thought was beyond ridiculous and obviously untrue.

Still I wasn’t feeling that great about myself in the moment. Running was a struggle both physically and mentally. I also had to be mindful about vehicles reversing out of driveways and turning at the interaction so I had to slow down a few times. When I got back, Luke explained why he changed my workout. I know that he had good intentions for me. If he was truly disappointed in me, he would have cracked the shits and walked off.

It was like a reflection and a wake-up call at the same time. Reflecting on the fact that I’ve come a long way since I started training with Luke and dropping 17kg which was almost the amount of weight I was carrying with the vest on. He also wanted to me clear my head and hopefully get myself into a better headspace rather than continue with the deadlifts and most likely not get anywhere in my current mental state.  https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

After the session, I had a one-on-one discussion with Denee Lalouette. The look of concern on my face must have matched my thoughts...”Oh shit! I’m in trouble. This is going to be a Principal’s office type conversation.” But of course that was just my fear and anxiety talking. He essentially just wanted to clear the air with me after Thursday night and get me to understand his intentions behind what he was telling me.

I did take things the wrong way and got defensive at him. Simply, my emotions and my ego got in the way and I misinterpreted everything he said to me. I saw it all in a negative, harsh and judgmental light as if he was attacking my character. The four principals that he discussed with me are: What you think you become. The world is a mirror of your life. Every battle is won before it is fought and Life is a paradox. It was tough trying to articulate myself to him but I still managed to be open and honest with him about the beliefs I held within. https://www.facebook.com/compiapp/

Driving from Berwick to Frankston South was a bit of a challenge in terms of peak hour traffic but still manageable. I was a little worried that I might be late making it to my Meditation class at Brahma Kumaris Centre for Spiritual Learning, The Peninsula but Angie is pretty casual about lateness so it wouldn’t be a big deal. Typically, I got there a few minutes before 7. Phew!

Tonight we discussed another huge topic which followed on from last week’s class. We did a recap about Soul’s being eternal beings which have original qualities including peace, love, joy, wisdom, purity and innocence. Next Angie talked about how the faculties of the soul (Mind, Behaviour, Intellect and Sanskaras) all interact and influence each other. The most important point was that the intellect part was responsible for changing the cycle and whether our thoughts and feelings are positive or negative ones.

She then discussed the concept of the Soul World where souls spent time to rest before leaving and moving into the Physical World and into another body. The soul is like a fully-charged battery with all original qualities. But after many births and rebirths, these qualities deplete and lose energy. They are then covered up by Vices (Ego, Greed, Lust, Attachment and Anger) which are not lasting and not fulfilling.

The last part of the class was dedicated to the Supreme Soul, which is the existence of a higher being that is looked up to. It is known by many names including God, Jehovah, Bubba, He, Him, Father etc. The role of the Supreme Soul is to provide an energy source and connect to other souls. It is in a state of total peace all the time. This part definitely challenged my current spiritual beliefs but at the same time I still found the information interesting. http://brahmakumaris.org.au/events/...

On Tuesday night, I attended at Vinyasa Yoga class with Aaron Petty at Personal Performance Training Centre in Berwick. I’ve been practicing yoga for about 8 years now and I absolutely love experiencing different styles, teachers and venues hence why I decided to give this class a try. It was a fully booked class with about 11 students and it was held in the upstairs training room.

Being a Vinyasa styled practice, I knew that this would be quite an intense, high energy class. Thankfully it was also a judgement free zone. In fact, a few people were laughing at themselves when they couldn’t hold their balance in Aeroplane Pose and Flip The Dog Pose. The main thing was that everyone was giving it a go. It didn’t matter if you couldn’t quite keep up with the Flowing Sequences or be able to lift your feet up in Crow Pose. These poses are meant to be challenging so there’s no shame if you can’t do something (advice I really need to take myself sometimes!).

Aaron’s approach is very easy going and flexible (pardon the pun). Unlike most yoga teachers, he eliminates most of the Sanskrit jargon and focuses more on which muscles to activate during each pose. I was sweating heaps through the class and I was thinking thank god this wasn’t a hot yoga or bikram yoga class or else the entire room would be melting (It’s getting hot in here!). Aaron is also very knowledgeable, explaining the benefits about Pigeon Pose including the promotion of healing by releasing tension through the hip flexes.

The toughest part of the class for me was definitely the flowing sequences which included the following poses:

Flowing Sequence 1...Forward fold, Half Lift, High Lunge, Plank, Chaturanga, Cobra/Up Dog, Downward Facing Dog.

Flowing Sequence 2...Chair pose, Aeroplane pose, Crescent Warrior, Warrior 2, Reverse Warrior, Side angle pose, Triangle pose.

I also appreciated Aaron’s choice of music which was a mixture of 60’s inspired ambient funk to modern lounge and chill out tracks. During my relaxation, I began to feel weightless and could feel the vibrations of the music through my body. It was quite an unusual sensation but it was quite a pleasant experience and I was able to just let go of my yoga practice. Hopefully PPTC makes yoga a regular thing because I really enjoyed Aaron’s style of yoga.

On Thursday afternoon, I had a Remedial Massage session with Brendan Rose at MyoMAX in Berwick. This week, I’ve really been burning the candle at both ends and by the time I walked into the waiting room, I was ready to fall in a heap. I was feeling flustered and worn up so this massage couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I was particularly sore in my shoulders, arms, upper back and sides especially after my yoga class on Tuesday night.

I was feeling a lot more comfortable and a lot less nervous than my first session with Brendan. When he asked how my week’s been and how I’ve been feeling, I honestly didn’t know where to begin. Suffice it to say, I’m trying to balance out my time better rather than cram everything into a couple of days. I made a spur of the moment decision to pick Sia for today’s background music. She’s a great singer songwriter and I needed something to wind me down.

Brendan was very thorough when it came to releasing the tension and stiffness through my back muscles. I think through Crossfit/Strength training and my own self-development, I’ve learned to “toughen up” and deal with the pain. Plus I trust that Brendan knows what he’s doing. No pain, no gain as they say. He wants me to work on straightening my spine out using the foam roller. We also worked on my squat depth and squat technique. I felt a little self-conscious about it but I was going for it. I didn’t care how many times it took to get it right. https://www.myomax.com.au/

On Friday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Today was another ordinary session for me as a week’s worth of stress had accumulated on top of me. Sleeping in, I was rushing out the door at 8.30am and of course I got stuck in peak hour traffic along Clyde Road. The only thing that was calming my nerves was the new Feist album I was listening to in the car. Besides that, I was feeling anxious about not making it to UFT on time.

By the time I saw Luke, I was already mentally exhausted. I was having difficulty articulating how I felt inside and just wasn’t feeling myself today at all. I was even getting jealous about Luke having side conversations whilst I was training because the attention wasn’t on me. It was really bothering me. I began questioning whether UFT PLAYgrounds was the right place for me because I just didn’t fit in here. Once the “negative thought” train has left the station, it’s very hard for me to get it to stop even when I’m slamming on the brakes.

WARM-UP...These exercises were a mixed bag for me today. Starting with the rowing machine, I had to do an 8 round TABATA (20 seconds on, 10 seconds off). I tried to focus but I was getting distracted by the conversation Luke was having. I was also getting frustrated by how much I was struggling with my single arm rows and could feel the emotions festering up inside of me. The awkward silence was extremely loud between Luke and I but I really didn’t want to bring up my issues today. Instead, I tried hard to channel my energy into the workout and feel a bit better about myself.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I was working on my bench press again, this time doing 5 rounds of single reps at 50kg. This was a really heavy weight for me so I really needed to dig deep mentally. After the first few rounds, I decided to focus my attention on taking deep breaths in and out, visualising myself lifting the bar up in a straight line without struggling. This was a much better and more productive way of using my rest time and thankfully it paid off.

I felt really proud of myself for managing to turn this negative session into a positive one just by believing in myself and blocking out all other mental distractions. It’s been a tough week for me and it’s even harder trying to explain it to your personal trainer. Sometimes it’s just easier to go within and sit with the silence, as uncomfortable as it may feel.

Straight after my PT session, I went to the Fountain Gate Hotel for the Denise Drysdale Xmas in July show. My parents were already there inside the function room but I was only a few minutes late and didn’t miss much. It was a surreal experience meeting Denise in person after seeing her on countless morning shows such as Ernie & Denise and Studio 10.

She performed a one hour show filled with songs (What a Wonderful World, Tell Him, Jingle Bells, Silent Night), funny stories about her life and plenty of rude jokes relating to menopause, breasts and surgery. This was exactly when I needed in that moment, positive energy and laughter. After the show, we lined up at the buffet table and filled our plates up with salads, roast lamb, pasta, lasagna, roast potatoes, carrots and broccoli.

On Friday night, I went down to my friend Mandi Herauville’s gym for my first Bootcamp class at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. I was still feeling emotional and not thinking clearly when I arrived. Unloading with Mandi before the session tonight helped immensely. Sometimes you just need to laugh about shit in order to let it go and feel better about it and that’s exactly what we did. I feel bad whenever I get defensive and annoyed at somebody else because then I become the victim. It’s difficult whenever you’re in a hypersensitive state to see things objectively and that’s what happened today.

I met a few of Mandi’s other clients tonight who were all really friendly. Despite feeling mentally drained and worn out, I decided to participate in the Bootcamp class. The warm-up consisted of a rope walk, sit ups, push ups, mountain climbers, squats and lunges. Next we worked on our dead lifting technique, doing 3 rounds of 10 reps. I’m still working on my form and technique but it has improved heaps and I was feeling good about them tonight.

For the workout, we did a circuit with 10 different exercises including: sumo dead lifts, overhead sandbag lifts, fit ball crunches, skipping, leg raises, jumping over the rope, boxing, ladder jumps/runs, pike push ups and renegades. We had to do 3 rounds each and it was all self-paced. We all had a lot of fun with Mandi cracking jokes and singing along to Drake (You used to call me on your cellphone) whilst working hard and sweating heaps.

We ended the session by doing a series of stretches and a brief guided meditation by Mandi. I really enjoyed myself tonight and I’m glad that I made the effort to come out despite how shitty I was feeling inside at the time. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and now I’ve discovered a new safe place to go to both to hang out and to train. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStr...

“There’s one thing that I never did, its called giving up. It goes on and on and I felt so alone. As I grew up and grew old life began to unfold. Heavy hearts filled with hope and the truth will be. That there is something there but nothing wrong with me. And the truth will be that there is nothing wrong with me.” Dream on Dreamer - Taking Chances, Breaking Free (2011)

“Sometimes I take another breath, Another step to embrace what I have. Then I stare at you, staring back. And I know that I'm not dead. It takes a voice to make a change. It takes courage to not be the same. If the world is silenced today, I make sure to scream my name.” Dream on Dreamer - Don’t Lose Your Heart (2015)