#thanks anon sorry this was 12 years long <3333

[reinvent-and-believe]

do you think roy always knew he was into men or was he repressed until he realized he was into jamie?

oh anon. i started to answer this, then got inspired and started writing a fic in answer to it instead, then the fic turned into a bigger fic that's going to take me months to finish so i think it's best if i just answer the question. 😅

so thanks for asking, anon, i DO have some thoughts!!!! they are scattered and messy but i'll give it a go.

i don't know that roy has always known he's into men, but i think he's known quite a while. maybe not when he was younger - he might have known in the back of his mind that he liked boys, but he knew he wasn't gay because he definitely liked women, so that's that, no need to think about it past that, it's squared away. even if intellectually he knew about the existence of bisexual people growing up, he wouldn't have considered it an option for himself (and to be honest, i don't think it's a given that he did know it was really a thing. it was the 90s. bisexuality wasn't widely talked about. if you liked men, you were gay, and roy wasn't gay).

roy was born in 1982; he was in the academy and going through puberty and trying to figure out who he was in the 90s. things were not great for us in the 80s and 90s. i'm 8 years younger than roy kent would be, and the way i learned about the existence of gay people was aids and the rhetoric surrounding aids. and that was formative for me; it provided the only frame of reference i had as a kid of what gay people were. that was how i internalized that my queerness—the queerness i couldn't even articulate or understand—made me sick, dangerous, unclean. obviously that's not a universal experience, but it's also not a particularly uncommon one for our generation, and it takes a shit ton of work to unlearn. it would have been worse at roy's age, and i can see it being something that would shape his perception of what it means to be a queer man.

listening to roy talk about himself is fucking devastating and so telling. "sometimes i get concerned that i've been infecting you with the worst parts of me," he tells phoebe. infecting is a pretty loaded word, and it speaks to the deeply rooted shame that roy carries at the very core of his identity. we see over and over throughout the show that there's something about roy that he seems to truly believe is...rotten, repulsive. unlovable, maybe. a lot of people read roy as completely lacking self-awareness, and i get where that comes from, but i don't really read him that way. i think roy's sometimes plagued with self-awareness when he doesn't want to look, and he loathes the things he sees. he knows how he is. he knows the parts he hates about himself. and i think his queerness plays right into that.

ted lasso is, among other things, a show about masculinity, and roy's character arc throughout the show is, among other things, an arc about masculinity, so i think it only makes sense that his sexuality is tied up in that. because in his world, what could be more fundamental to your masculinity than heterosexuality? there's a shit ton of homophobia in football, and it certainly wouldn't have been any better during roy's formative years.

there's a lot you could say about La Locker Room Aux Folles and roy kent's sexuality, and i won't because this is already stupid long, but seriously, have you watched 3x09 while considering that the episode is about roy's repression as much as it is colin's? that it might be colin's coming out episode, but it's roy that functions as the episode's protagonist? that the message colin understands at the end when george hearn croons "i am what i am" is one roy can't let himself embrace by the end of the episode, not even by the end of the season ("i'm still...me"/"wait, did you want to be someone else?"/"yeah. someone better")? that colin may have escaped la cage by the end of the episode but roy's still in there?

the last thing that roy kent wants is to be what he is, and that kind of fundamental, foundational shame reads as very queer to me, feels very queer to me.

so, anyway, i do headcanon that roy sleeps with guys sometimes, at least by the time he gets to chelsea. i don't think it's particularly frequent and i don't think it's particularly healthy and i don't think he lets himself develop anything like a genuine connection, but i think it's what he's allowed himself. i think that's basically where he starts the show, occasionally sleeping with men, refusing to acknowledge it says anything about him. (i could also see him not having fucked a guy, although i like that less. regardless, i do think he recognizes he's attracted to men, even if he doesn't necessarily accept it.)

i definitely think that, when they finally get together, jamie would be his first boyfriend.

anyway, dear anon, you didn't ask for a 1000-word response to your 20-word question, but thank you for coming to my ridiculously rambling and likely incoherent TED talk about roy kent's internalized homophobia 😂

#thanks anon sorry this was 12 years long <3333 #does any of this make sense? idk #asks #ted lasso brain rot #my writing

[4th-make-quail]

1. 12. 22. and 28 for the fic ask ✩

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? I wrote a fic in first person! And for a very difficult (to me) canon as well. I think it turned out pretty good, and I actually found it a lot easier to write in than I thought I would! I wouldn't write for that canon again because it was VERY difficult to get specific aspects of it right (still anon so can't say what lol)

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? GOD I honestly think it was the same fic from 1 sdlkghfg it wAS SO HARD!!!! I did finish it tho, so fuck yeah!!!!

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene Sorry, this is a long one, but this scene from Sanctified, where Omeluum and Blurg share memories of each other is my favourite!

Omeluum cocked its head, and its eyes seemed warmer somehow, as it sent him an image of - oh! - of himself working, hunched over his wooden desk in the Underdark, cataloguing his samples. Yes, there was the ormu, and that particularly splendid sample of nilhogg’s nose he’d found. Some of the hair had come out of the little knot at the back of his head, and the grey strands fell about his face, framing it. The image was tinged with warmth, almost soft about the edges, and Blurg noticed that the air about him almost seemed to shimmer.

“Is this how you see me?” He cannot help but speak the words into the air, as though it would make the vision - the memory - more real.

-Yes.-

“I-” Blurg buried his face into Omeluum’s palm, flushed to his very ears. -Omeluum!-

-What is this feeling? Did I upset you?- Omeluum’s confusion was evident in his mindvoice, and Blurg looked up, sharply.

-Quite the opposite. Here, let me show you.- He allowed his mind to unfurl, selecting a favourite memory: Omeluum sat down on a wooden crate, watching as Blurg gestured excitedly about a nightlight he’d managed to harvest without dimming its natural light. He’d been expounding about the properties of such a delicate specimen, about how one must use the lightest of touches, and Omeluum had watched him with solemn interest, asking intelligent questions about the nightlight’s life cycle. Once it had all the information it had needed, it had raised one hand and made a gesture beautiful in its simplicity, accented with a delicate claw, and then a perfect ghostly rendition of the nightlight had appeared before them, glowing gently blue in the dimness of the Underdark, and perfect in every aspect.

-You listened to me,- he said, ears and cheeks hot. -And then you replicated the information I gave you perfectly, with beautiful motions like you were, oh I don’t know. An artist of some sort, a sculptor. You captured the essence of the nightlight, and ever since then…- He looked to the side, eyes soft with the memory. -Ever since then, I’ve loved to watch you work your magics. You use your claws like a conductor, Omeluum.- ---

28. How did you recharge between fics? HAHA I actually don't like to do this! I like to finish one fic and then move onto the next one. Usually I'm writing to deadlines for exchanges or events, or having to finish a personal enjoyment fic in time to start the next exchange or event! I think if I need to recharge, I will always read (books though, not other fic), because it refreshes my creativity, but generally I prefer to continue with my daily (or as near to daily as I can manage) writing routine!

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS!!!! <3333

#ask quail #quailfic #omelurg

[ybcpatrick]

i was by @nerdangels thank u amanda i am holding ur hand rn <3333

1- why did you choose your url?

he's my boy. my fucking lad. my DUDE. my little guy. he is me and i am him. i was blessed by the whoevers to have snagged this url

2- any side blogs?

TOO MANY, BRO. i have a wrestling blog, a supernatural blog, a muppets blog, a poetry blog, a nostalgia blog, and an archive for the post!ybc au (which isn't dead, i promise, im so sorry to all the anons in my inbox i love you im just so tired all the ike akskajdskjf)

3- how long have you been on tumblr?

that april fools joke blog from a couple years ago says i joined on february 22nd, 2014. but, i did have another account before this one, so i'll just loosely say mid-2013 for that one

4- do you have a queue tag?

i've tried keeping a queue soooo many times but honestly i am just like. not the sort of person to use one lol. if i'm online you'll know it, if i'm not i'm not

5- why did you start your blog in the first place?

because i needed somewhere to get all the danny phantom stuff out of my system

6- why did you choose your icon/pfp?

bc he's ybcpatrick. i am Also ybcpatrick.

7- why did you choose your header?

oh it's still my halloween theme lmao, haven't had time to make a new one. my headers are just chosen to match my themes, i loooove makin pretty themes

8- what's your post with the most notes?

that GODDAMNED green day post. im too lazy to grab it rn but it's got over 100k notes. if u follow me u have seen it

9- how many mutuals do you have?

y'all are keeping track? ajdjejfjwuri i have lots of friends on here but idk how many

10- how many followers do you have?

1239 at the moment

11- how many people do you follow?

354!

12- have you ever made a shitpost?

babygirl that's all i do that's all i'm here for

13- how often do you use tumblr each day?

i will close tumblr and then by muscle memory i will open it again immediately. hotel california

14- did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

never with an actual person, but anons try to start shit with me REGULARLY. back in the day, some anon tried to accuse me of pretending to be canadian because i made one (1) post about liking the tragically hip. like HELLO?

15- how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

don't guilt people into reblogging shit; furthermore, even if it is important, tacking a "yOu NeEd To" onto your reblog is a surefire way to get everyone else to ignore it out of spite lmfao

16- do you like tag games?

YEAHHH i love them so muuuuch please tag me in anything and everything i don't care if we're mutuals i don't care if it doesn't seem applicable to me please. tag. me. anyways.

17- do you like ask games?

ALSO YEAHHH but i'm terrible at remembering that i reblogged one, so then i'll get distracted and forget to answer them in a timely fashion ajskajdwkndme

18- which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

bro i don't KNOW. possibly some of the fic authors? or some of my bandom mutuals? one of my mutuals (who doesn't have many interests in common with me so idk why she's still here but i think she's super fuckin cool) is probably "tumblr famous" bc like. all her posts get notes?

i think tumblr is great just bc you have NO IDEA who's "famous" and who's not. like, unless ur mutuals with fuckin setheverman or pukicho, it's just a mystery

19- do you have a crush on a mutual?

........i liked her long before we were mutuals and i'll say nothing fucking else thanks

tagging: @sleeping-dead-dying-sleep @greatesthitz @residentjoth @lunathemacron @softnsquishable @ibidflash and litchrally anyone else who wants to!!

#shut up kell #tag games #this was FUN!

[abouttoplaymy-ace]

🐣🐨🦔🐢🐄🐸🐧🦭

DID YOU LIKE MY COUNTDOWN!? That was fun! I had fun. That was actually more fun than I thought it would be! There were too many good posts to name. It was very fun reading all your comments and theories.  Though side note: animal anon has no problem with people joining her BUT it must be animals and it must not mess with my countdown. No statues! Animal anon does animals, not statues. Side side note: can someone settle the debate of if that emoji is a hedgehog or a porcupine? Because I have no idea. Side note side note side note: sorry if you got multiple asks in a day...my system isn't perfected yet so sometimes I send two (or three) because I forgot I sent one and didn't want to accidently miss anyone (also sorry if i did miss you, still perfecting the system, no one has been animal anon blacklisted, i promise!)

Anyway, GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 It's been one year since I started animal anon! How exciting is that?! Phew, what a year we've had together! I mean what better way to start this second year than some chaos since that's how animal anon started to begin with! I will admit, it was slightly stressful coming up with something to meet the occasion of this event. I hope the countdown and this post live up to it. No, I'm not going to reveal myself just yet.. maybe that will be for year 2...😏😏. BUT I will give you some fun facts about me! So let's see; first, I'm from the Midwest (so not Canadian, but close so I do have a slight accent), but I currently live in the TriState area. Second, I am a MASSIVE theater nerd. No, seriously I have been to 21 shows since Broadway reopened in September and I'm actually going to my 22nd tonight. I don't know if this makes that fact better or worse, but I've really only been to about 12 different show because out of those 22, 10 of those are one specific show. Third, I am fluent in German and English. Though, I suck at writing in German, I never learned how to, so don't ask me to do that please. Fourth, my favorite color is red, so you can guess my favorite Taylor album (and coincidently also the show I've been to see 10 times on Broadway...). Fifth, I love to talk A LOT if you couldn't tell by the essays I send yall. And lastly, I can also confirm I am not Taylor...but I will say that I do share something very important with her... tell me your guesses down below as to what very important thing you think Taylor and I have in common, and I'll send some extra animals to whomever I see gets it right first!

So contuining on with my dissertation here, this week I have been trying to figure out a prompt to live up to this occasion. As I already mentioned, my system isn't perfect! And I've been thinking a lot about community lately and how that's been lacking for so many because of Covid. So what I want yall to do is if you get this dissertation of mine, please send a message, post, anon, whatever you want to at least 1 other blog (though you can do more), telling them something you like about them and giving them an animal emoji! That way we can keep spreading the love all day long to as many as possible! 🥰

As always, you are all brilliant, kind, worthy, beautiful and as this past week has shown, hilarious and unique human beings. No seriously, some of your posts had me kneeling over in laughter. If you would so like, you can tag #animalanon so I and everyone can read all your lovely posts! IM STARTING EARLY TODAY SO WE CAN PARTY ALL DAY LONG BECAUSE I LOVE YALL SO MUCH 🎊 🦥🦁🐯

Omg happy anniversary animal anon!!! 🎉 We all love you so much <3333 The chaos was 10/10 thank you for the entertainment you’re an icon!!

It’s so nice to hear more about you!! I am also from the Midwest not too far from Canada! Maybe I know you 👀 I ALSO love theatre but wouldn’t consider myself an expert by any means but you sound like you’re living the dream 🤩 and I also also love Red! I go back and forth on if it’s my favorite or rep (tho Red TV I think pushed it to #1 ❤️) So we have a lot in common!!

I’m going to guess what you have in common with Taylor issss… you have 3 cats?? 🐱

I love your idea for spreading the love! Bringing the light to the fandom, as always! I hope you have a wonderful anniversary!!! 🐳🦚🐇🦒🐘🐬🦉🦄🐝🦕🐙

#animal anon #asks

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 1

Under cut~~~

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 4:06:00 pm · 9 months ago aww I'm going to miss u :( good luck on writing!

You sent this 9 months ago but TY FOR THE WARM WISHES. It took a while and not exactly the best chapter but it’s done. It’s what I could manage so please forgive the less than good writing T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 4:13:00 pm · 9 months ago TAKE YOUR TIME LOVE, GOOD LUCK, I'M SURE YOU'LL DO GREAT!!! Θα ειμαι το τυχερο σου αστερι ♥ (I'll be your lucky star)

I feel like I know who you are and ty ty ty for this message! You definitely were and thank you for your patience! TT___TT

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 10:30:00 pm · 9 months ago I just finished all the current chapters to 5018 and can I just say, its so great. Sehun is my bias wrecker (Chanyeol is my bias), but this story is seriously making me reconsider who has the title of my "favorite" and I've never felt so attacked.

Oh yes. Yes, yes yes please come to the dark side and join our sehun forces. we are always looking for new members

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 10:33:00 pm · 9 months ago I just realized LOXE (the club from 5018) is EXO-L backwards and I've read the story twice, why did it just hit me

Thank you!!! SOMEONE FINALLY NOTICED! LOL

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 21st 2017, 2:03:00 am · 9 months ago ena ena ena~ It's been a while. Hope you're doing well! 🤗

I’m doing better now that chapter 16 is DONE.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 23rd 2017, 9:28:00 am · 8 months ago I just found Apartment 5108 and I am dying. God. I mean, I know Sehun and Ahri are the romantic leads, but that boy needs to get his shit together. She deserves the sun and the moon and whatever the hell she wants, not this! I feel sorry for him, but also kinda want to kick his ass real bad. Also, love your portrayal of Chanyeol! If you ever have them fall for each other (though I doubt it) you'll have my full support.

He’s learning and I hope that’s apparent in the chapter about to be posted. She really deserves it all and no worries. I shall give her the world. Or well---get Sehun to give her the world LOL. I KNOW. I have many issues with PCY bc I give him the best dialogue in this damn story and I really shouldn’t but it just happens that way and I can’t help it. But he’ll have his own happy ending---as will all of the characters in this universe. //hugsssss//

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 28th 2017, 1:53:00 am · 8 months ago Hi Ena!! I hope you're doing well, I miss your updates :( how's life/writing going?

I feel like death tbh. I think I got sick from stressing over this chapter but it’s done and I’m sorry if it’s not good but I felt the progression was necessary???

@knownotwhatisinstore​ said to enaasteria: February 5th 2017, 11:38:00 pm · 8 months ago Hello! I finally managed to get caught up on 5108. It is so fantastically written that I can feel every emotion, almost down to the physical pain in your story. It's so wonderfully humanizing and psychologically deep. I can't wait to read more. Please take your time and continue to write openly! Thank you!

Hugs you! Thank you so much for reading and yes---I love pain. I write pain better than I do with happier tones so I think it’s why chapter 16 took so long. It didn’t really have a super angst element so I was like ????? how do I write this part?? But yes. THANK YOU so much for reading!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: February 13th 2017, 12:47:00 pm · 8 months ago omg ena! is chap 16 ever coming out soon? I'm so excited you're such a good write I swear... I love ur story so much 😭😭

Thank you for loving the story and this message is about 8 months late but it’s being posted tonight. Have a good time reading //hugs//

@sassyunicorns2​ said to enaasteria: February 23rd 2017, 3:24:00 pm · 7 months ago Hi!! I'm a big fan of apartment 5108 and i have a few questions: 1° - what is Ahri height 2° - in chapter 15 are lay and soi no longer together? 3° - can you please explain me better where are Ahri scars? Since my first language is not english it's a little harder for me to understand. Thank you. I know that you are in hiatus and i hope you can write and finish the story just like you wanted. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING AND HWAITING

The best of the message: You are my favorite writter ever and your stories are amazing. They are so well written and the plot is so good! Like thanks you for writing. Before you i couldn't read any angst story... Now i cant escape them

1// Ahri is around 168cm --- 5′6″ 2// Yixing and Soi are broken up //les cries// 3// Scar is on her forehead line where her hair and forehead touch and also on her back jawline

And thank you so much for reading. I’m so glad you enjoy it and please have fun reading 16!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 5th 2017, 5:26:00 am · 7 months ago Ok I don't know if you remember me but I was the girl who had to distant herself from a guy because one of her friend was really into him and people shipped them. Also I know you're on hiatus but I'm just sharing news so don't answer it's okay :). Well, basically I had to go on a trip with his family because his dad is doing the job I want to do so he proposed to show me everything and the guy came along with his brother to see too. (1)

And for a hour, his dad had to do administrative tasks so the 3 of us were left alone until his brother went calling their mom. So the guy began talking to me and at a moment he asked me about the fact I was more distant. And I messed up. Saying I wasn't feeling confortable with him anymore (which was true) and that it was for the better. AND. He knew about my friend who's into him and he told me he knew why I was distant so lying to him was useless. (2)

So I explained to him that it wasn't that I was into him but me being close was worrying my friend. He litterally said "Bullshit". So I said "Even if i'm into you, it isn't going to work out. I don't like you enough to put my friendship in danger and we both know she's an amazing girl. Also you're going to the same university next year so give her a chance." So he confessed to me but we agreed to never talk about it again and we decided to stay friends. (3)

And that's how we ended every chance with had. Because I'm litterally going to live at the opposite of the country so I'm sure he will be better by giving her chance when she's few meters away from him. I know I did what is right but is it normal for me to be hurt by it because I swear I wanted to throw up when I told him to give up. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and take care ! :)

Of course I remember you anon! Your story pains me a lot. I feel for you and wish I can give you a hug but I love how resolved you are. You let him know plain and clear you like him---but not enough to put your friendship in jeopardy. I really commend you on that bc it shows your maturity and I don’t know. I still feel sad for you on it because it appears you both have mutual feelings for one another---it’s just wasn’t meant to be. :(

@jediofthemarveluniverse​ said to enaasteria: March 8th 2017, 4:08:00 pm · 7 months ago Erm i dont really know if this was answered in the story . But why did Sehun remember something bad when Ahri asked for the pass code for the balconey? Thank you xx

It was in chapter 12---Ahri found out the balcony locks were numbers to Jiyul’s birthday. When Ahri asked him what the passcode was, it made him think of Jiyul and in turn, place him in a somber mood so it’s why he was perturbed when she asked.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 8th 2017, 4:18:00 pm · 7 months ago How did sehun feel hearing tht pcy was talking to ahri? What was it like when he saw the final photos? How long has he been going back to his old habits ?

In chapter 16! Ty! <3333

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 2:22:00 pm · 7 months ago I'm curious as to how Ahri told Myungsoo that she was living with Sehun and had developed feelings for him since she never mentioned Sehun on their first date x)

I might not dive into this because Ahri kinda touched base on it in chapter 9 how she told Myungsoo and you could see Myungsoo’s interaction with her after. I’m sure it hurt a bit but they went out once and it wasn’t enough to develop into something too deep to get out of.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 5:52:00 pm · 7 months ago What about the jar in the kitchen when they put kind messages ?

I’m gunna try to put this into chapter 17. 16 was overcrowded with information. hahaha

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 5:54:00 pm · 7 months ago MYUNGSOO FUTURE LIKE IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT HE DESERVES SO MUCH HAPPINESS

YES! Chapter 17 will touch on this! I was gunna do it in 16 but I tried and the chapter got even longer and I was like. nope.

@khaty-fan​ said to enaasteria: March 11th 2017, 2:58:00 am · 7 months ago SEND ♥ THIS ♥ TO ♥ THE ♥ FIFTEEN ♥ NICEST ♥ PEOPLE ♥ ON ♥ TUMBLR ♥ IF ♥ YOU ♥ GET ♥ 5 ♥ BACK ♥ YOU ♥ MUST ♥ BE ♥ PERFECT ~♥ :D

Thanks babe!

#anon #messages #knownotwhatisinstore #to all of u who have me on notifications #i'm sorry #i have aorund 60 asks to answer and i'm grouping them as much as i can #sassyunicorns2 #jediofthemarveluniverse #khaty-fan