#that bring me the most joy with positivity and gratitude. in order to cope I need more of what I cannot generate inside myself.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

A controversial thought just occurred to me that I've tried to put into words many times now about my hero (Janis Joplin) and other musicians and people who died "tragically" (especially in a "self-inflicted" way), and that is: every time I see someone online, on Youtube or Facebook or wherever, say something (always unprompted/unrelated to what the video/photo/article/etc. is about) along the lines of, "What a waste of their talent/skill their death was," I think, What a waste their death was? What have you said of their life? Why do you only choose to comment on, and apparently highlight, their death? Did their life, and their accomplishments, and what they brought to the world while they were alive mean nothing to you? Have you not a SHRED of gratitude that they were alive at all?

I am quite sure that there is some sort of psychological explanation (and I say that with the confidence of only having a basic understanding of psychology) for why people focus particularly on people's (in this case, celebrities') "tragic" deaths, but is it not a tragedy in itself to reduce those people's lives to their deaths and the fact that they're dead? Why not appreciate what they were able to share with us while they were here? You know?

#crystal visions of lilies in the valley #like I really don't...get why people would say that so randomly. #did you run out of ways to express your gratitude? here let me get you a thesaurus. I can help with that. I MEAN...:'( #maybe it's just me and having lived most of my life with mental illness I recognize that I NEED to look at the things - and people - #that bring me the most joy with positivity and gratitude. in order to cope I need more of what I cannot generate inside myself. #so I look outward to what other people have done and it makes ME grateful to be alive to be a witness of that...even in retrospect. #like yes I will easily admit that my thoughts on this are seen through my lens of mental illness but...oh. well. maybe that's what else #people are lacking (NOT mental illness. LOL): EMPATHY. because that's often what I feel toward (people like Janis) too... #well hrm. now I don't know if THAT complicates my thoughts any either. because...MUST EVERYONE have empathy? it is certainly #valuable and a benefit but...yeah. hm. other mental health stuff to consider uh-huh. well. yes this is rather a complex issue I guess. #that doesn't cancel out the rest of this post but it does complicate it. anyone have any ideas????? please. I'd love to hear other thoughts

[geopolicraticus]

The Grill Pill

To the red pill, the blue pill, the black pill, and the white pill, inter alia, we may now add the grill pill. This was brought to my attention by a video from The Distributist (a right-of-center “trad” Catholic—i.e., the kind of person who probably would be identified as the extreme far right by the legacy media), in “The ‘Grill Pill,’ ‘Franklin’s Corollary,’ and the path from left to right.” The Distributist credits the “grill pill” to Matt Christman’s personal seeking after meaning in the wake of the end of Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign. Christman is one of the founders of Chapo Trap House, the bastion of the dirtbag left and a podcast that has brought him considerable fame and fortune (Influence Watch says that Chapo Trap House was grossing $120,000 per month through Patreon).

I enjoyed The Distributist’s concise and articulate description of Matt Christman’s response to the end of the Bernie Sander’s campaign. The Distributist references Love and Solidarity, Matt Christman’s Best Rant, which is a good example of an apparently saddened and on-the-verge-of-tears Matt Christman speaking confessionally of his ideals, but this particular video does not actually mention the “grill pill.” As I do not have the desire to watch all of Christman’s videos, I’m going to take The Distributist at his word, and assume that he is giving an accurate account of the “grill pill.” The idea of the grill pill is sufficiently interesting that, even if I had been misled, it is still worth commenting on.  

What is the grill pill? It is the simple idea that, disappointed by the political failure of the Bernie Sanders campaign, leftists and others can still find solidarity, community, and fellowship sharing good food among friends—grilling steaks in the backyard like an oblivious Boomer. A sizeable contingent of Bernie Bros invested a sizeable amount of emotion and energy into the Bernie Sanders campaign, only to find themselves shut out—for the second time—by the institutional Democratic party, which rapidly closed ranks behind an establishment candidate that seemed to offer neither hope nor consolation for Sanders supporters. Of course, many Sanders supporters will hold their nose and vote for Biden in the spirit of “Vote Blue No Matter Who,” but some will not. This distasteful state-of-affairs requires some kind of cope, and one possible cope is the grill pill.

I actually met a young Sanders supporter recently and had an interestingly long political conversation with this young man. Being as isolated as I am, I very rarely have an opportunity to talk to young people, so it was an eye-opening experience for me to speak directly to a Sanders supporter, obviously disappointed by what had happened, but hesitant to say so explicitly to me, as I was someone he didn’t know, and he had no idea how I would respond, whether or not I would be sympathetic to him and his political position, and so on. 

As it happened, I was at a cookout with this young man, so it would have been the perfect time to discuss the grill pill, but I had then only recently heard the idea, and I hadn’t yet fully digested it. So we kept to pretty conventional terms of discussing the coming election. My interlocutor was no wild-eyed Antifa supporter hoping for the revolution, but a hard-working young man starting his own business and very much wanting to make a positive contribution to the world. I was impressed by his sincerity and his knowledge; in some ways, he reminded me of my younger self of, say, thirty years ago (except for being much more successful than I ever was). 

This brief encounter with a young Sanders supporter really drove home to me a political point that I have often heard, but always been skeptical of: that political parties should make an active effort to bring young people into the fold. This is usually an appeal for youthful energy (which is a valid observation), but also always comes with the implication that young people have a unique contribution to bring due to their perspective on the world and events. Talking to this young man, I could immediately see that an idealistic, hard-working, sincere, and politically-engaged individual like him is exactly what the institutional Democratic Party needs to transform itself from the inside-out to once again become a viable institution. An energetic, solutions-oriented, idealist does not see barriers to progress as a reason to quit or to complain, but as an opportunity to engage and to find a workable way around the barrier — even when, if not especially when, those barriers are being erected by his political allies. It is the sympathetic critic who looks for achieving the same end by more palatable means.

Talking to this young man, I did not seek to challenge his ideas or ideals; mostly I just wanted to hear his perspective, so I kept talking in order to keep him talking, so that I could the more deeply penetrate into an ideological community with which I have virtually nothing in common. Also, it was a friendly cookout, so no place for antagonism or confrontation. And this is, in a sense, definitive of the grill pill. When people gather for the weekend for good times with friends, there is an unspoken rule that, if you have been invited into this group, you don’t insist on your own political or ideological ideals to the point of souring the occasion. Everyone implicitly agrees to keep things as light as possible, as is consistent with the occasion, and if there is someone present who is an unknown, or even a rival, it is part of the social contract of such events that any disagreements be kept friendly, and impasses be broken by a joke that relieves any tension. I’m sure it doesn’t always go like this on a cookout, but ideally this is the case (in so far as my imperfect understanding of social events extends).

In such a context, one does not seek to score ideological points off others, but only to understand, and exchanges are more-or-less kept to the level of “banter,” perhaps friendly rivalry at best. No doubt, if the group that comes together is thoroughly ideological in orientation, the banter takes on a more openly political character, as everyone present can then engage in the ritualistic condemnation of common enemies, and the ritualistic praise of common ideals (which is what toasts among friends are all about). 

All of this is very conventional, even, one could say, bourgeois, so why should anyone care about seeking a cope among like-minded friends, and perhaps inviting over a few individuals to join with edgy or indefinable political views? The “grill pill,” such as it is, is potentially powerful because it calls into question a fundamental idea of recent political engagement, and that is the idea that “the personal is the political.” This slogan isn’t necessarily as prominent as other political slogans of our time, but it has done an enormous amount of mischief. If folks can take the grill pill and just enjoy a simple meal with friends that isn’t any kind of political statement, they have broken with the idea that the personal is the political. With the grill pill, the personal is just the personal, and nothing more. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and it should be allowed to remain just a cigar.

Insisting that the personal is always also political has encouraged an angry and resentful outlook on the world in which every personal difficulty is to be interpreted as a direct consequence of larger structural forces that grind down helpless individuals like grain being ground to flour in a mill. The common metaphor of contemporary mass society as rendering the individual as a mere cog in an enormous machine that the individual is powerless to change contributes to a perception of pointless suffering. The potent mixture of cultivated anger and learned helplessness is uniquely conducive to a social atmosphere that poisons even the smallest enjoyments in life, sucking out any genuine feeling from events and reducing them to a political calculation.

While the grill pill could be interpreted in a reactionary sense, it could also be interpreted as the rebellion of the individual against a faceless and unfeeling social context that robs the joy from life and prevents us to enjoying even the most trivial enjoyments that life has to offer, which are also the most authentic enjoyments that life has to offer. When we politicize the authenticity of the small and simple events of life, we render ourselves incapable of appreciating what is most human.  

In small groups, mostly composed of individuals whom we know personally, it is possible to experience authentic reciprocity and gratitude for the smallest and simplest things of life, which latter I sometimes refer to as the substance of life, because it is the small things like sharing a meal, enjoying an evening together, and having a good conversation that ultimately constitute the substance from which a life is constructed. In such small groups, we can enjoy doing small things for others, and they can enjoy whatever small favors we do for them. That is how life is supposed to be. In small ways, life can approach the ideal as long as we don’t aim for too much. Basically, just a few people treating each other decently is about all we can hope for.

In this way the grill pill represents the attainable ideal.

#grill pill #Matt Christman #Chapo Trap House #cope #Bernie Sanders #The Personal is Political #The Distributist

[chronically-something]

Life with Multiple Sclerosis ( MS) : World MS Day 2017

Today is World MS Day,  a day recognized on the last Wednesday in May in order to raise awareness of Multiple Sclerosis: the people it impacts and the realities we face. Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is a neurodegenerative, autoimmune disease, that affects 2.3 million people worldwide and has no cure.  Though the number of treatment options is growing,  there is no cure and the majority of treatments do not impact symptoms directly. Every person with MS experiences their own unique set of symptoms and challenges, making treatment plans complicated and individualistic.

Multiple Sclerosis Defined:

 mul·ti·ple scle·ro·sis ˈməltəpəl ˌskləˈrōsəs/ noun a chronic, typically progressive disease involving damage to the sheaths of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, whose symptoms may include numbness, impairment of speech and of muscular coordination, blurred vision, and severe fatigue.

This year’s World MS Day theme is “Life with MS”. What is life with MS? what does that technical stuff I just wrote really mean? How do those words above translate to the day to day life of someone with the disease?  Honestly? It’s hard to say what ‘Life with MS’ really means.  It’s different for everyone. MS is sometimes referred to as a snowflake disease for that very reason. No one experiences MS in the same way.  Some people never get optic neuritis and others feel plagued by it. It’s individual.

That said, the list of symptoms your body has to play with is long and frustrating and their manifestation is as unpredictable as the course of any one person’s disease.

 Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis (Via The National MS Society) :

Fatigue – Occurs in about 80% of people, can significantly interfere with the ability to function at home and work, and may be the most prominent symptom in a person who otherwise has minimal activity limitations.

Walking (Gait) Difficulties – Related to several factors including weakness, spasticity, loss of balance, sensory deficit and fatigue, and can be helped by physical therapy, assistivetherapy  and medications.

Numbness or Tingling – Numbness of the face, body, or extremities (arms and legs) is often the first symptom experienced by those eventually diagnosed as having MS.

Spasticity – Refers to feelings of stiffness and a wide range of involuntary muscle spasms; can occur in any limb, but it is much more common in the legs.

Weakness – Weakness in MS, which results from deconditioning of unused muscles or damage to nerves that stimulate muscles, can be managed with rehabilitation strategies and the use of mobility aids and other assistive devices.

Vision Problems – The first symptom of MS for many people. Onset of blurred vision, poor contrast or color vision, and pain on eye movement can be frightening — and should be evaluated promptly.

Dizziness and Vertigo – People with MS may feel off balance or lightheaded, or — much less often — have the sensation that they or their surroundings are spinning (vertigo).

Bladder Problems – Bladder dysfunction, which occurs in at least 80% of people with MS, can usually be managed quite successfully with medications, fluid management, and intermittent self-catheterization.

Sexual Problems – Very common in the general population including people with MS. Sexual responses can be affected by damage in the central nervous system, as well by symptoms such as fatigue and spasticity, and by psychological factors.

Bowel Problems – Constipation is a particular concern among people with MS, as is loss of control of the bowels. Bowel issues can typically be managed through diet, adequate fluid intake, physical activity and medication.

Pain – Pain syndromes are common in MS. In one study, 55% of people with MS had “clinically significant pain” at some time, and almost half had chronic pain.

Cognitive Changes – Refers to a range of high-level brain functions affected in more than 50% of people with MS, including the ability to process incoming information, learn and remember new information, organize and problem-solve, focus attention and accurately perceive the environment.

Emotional Changes – Can be a reaction to the stresses of living with MS as well as the result of neurologic and immune changes. Significant depression, mood swings, irritability, and episodes of uncontrollable laughing and crying pose significant challenges for people with MS and their families.

Depression – Studies have suggested that clinical depression — the severest form of depression — is among the most common symptoms of MS. It is more common among people with MS than it is in the general population or in persons with many other chronic, disabling conditions.

Speech Problems – Speech problems, including slurring (dysarthria) and loss of volume (dysphonia) occur in approximately 25-40% of people with MS, particularly later in the disease course and during periods of extreme fatigue. Stuttering is occasionally reported as well.

Swallowing Problems Swallowing problems — referred to as dysphagia — result from damage to the nerves controlling the many small muscles in the mouth and throat.

Tremor– or uncontrollable shaking, can occur in various parts of the body because of damaged areas along the complex nerve pathways that are responsible for coordination of movements.

Seizures – which are the result of abnormal electrical discharges in an injured or scarred area of the brain — have been estimated to occur in 2-5% people with MS, compared to the estimated 3% of the general population.

Breathing Problems Respiration problems occur in people whose chest muscles have been severely weakened by damage to the nerves that control those muscles.

Itching Pruritis (itching) is one of the family of abnormal sensations — such as “pins and needles” and burning, stabbing or tearing pains — which may be experienced by people with MS.

Headache  Although a headache is not a common symptom of MS, some reports suggest that people with MS have an increased incidence of certain types of headache

Hearing Loss About 6% of people who have MS complain of impaired hearing. In very rare cases, hearing loss has been reported as the first symptom of the disease.

That’s a lot of stuff, but it doesn’t really explain life with MS, does it?  Lets put it this way: MS is a like a demon laying in wait. It will take any opportunity to present itself, do a number on your body and leave you worse off for it, how much worse depends on the type of MS you have and well… what the universe decides that day. Some of the damage is permanent and some go away and come back at random.  A daily game of Russian Roulette is a decent metaphor too. 

I can never truly explain what Life with MS means. What I can do is SHOW you what one fairly ‘normal’ day with MS is, or was, for me.

On May 25, 2016, I decided to document every time I found myself struggling with MS throughout my day. I signified these moments with a photograph and the placement of an MS awareness sticker provided by Shift.ms (an amazing organization!). This is the outcome.

The Context: 

Environment (weather) often contributes to worsening MS symptoms so It’s important I tell you the day was hot as hell, super humid, and generally what those of us with multiple sclerosis would consider a flare inspiring day.  I had no food for my tortoise and I since I have yet to discover how to control the weather, I went about my day despite the heat, in the careful and cautious way you do when you aren’t feeling right and don’t want to draw the attention of the MS demons lying in wait.

 (Video & Slide  Show to come) 

Each of these photos captured a moment where I found myself struggling with symptoms (new, heat inspired, and those that are permanent fixtures in my life) and issues created by multiple sclerosis. These symptoms and struggles are typical to a day in my #LifeWithMS.

Every day brings new and old challenges to the forefront that I stop and deal with and move forward. That is the key.

After 7 years I can’t say the fight is getting easier, I can’t pretend I’m used to it or forget about it or found its purpose in my life. Life with MS still sucks and I’m betting it always will.  I can say, however, that I’ve learned a thing or two about dealing with the day to day, about myself and how to cope. With that in mind, I’ll offer you a tip on how to deal with #lifewithMS.

Know that you are moving forward. 

People often talk about keeping positive, smiling through the pain, chin up and all that. I sometimes feel the real message is lost in those statements. My tip for anyone struggling with MS, or any disease like, it is to remember you’re moving forward. No matter what, you are. It’s a fact. Time moves on and you’re going with it. So remember to feel your feelings, anger, pain, frustration and sadness are all parts of our reality, but so are joy, happiness, gratitude and love.

Keeping positive is never forgetting that you are moving forward while experiencing any or all of the aforementioned emotions. You don’t have to smile all the time, you don’t have to claim everything is fine, you just have to know that in the end, you’re moving forward and tomorrow is another day. That’s the tip: 

Feel, Deal, and Move Forward.

You’re winning because you’re living even when it feels like you’re moving backward with every breath. It’s an abstract thought that might seem someone useless but if you let it live in the back of your mind it might just help you through those particularly terrible moments. I might also add, as I learned from this photo project,  take the time to look at a day in your life, all the moments MS tried to stop you from moving forward, and be proud of yourself. You moved forward and MS couldn’t do anything about it. 

Then give yourself a high five. You earned it. 

ETA: The video describing the symptoms associated with each photo.

#Life With MS #Multiple Sclerosis #spoonie #multiple sclerosis awareness #advice #World MS day #Chronic Illness

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/pluto-retrograde-featureskarma/

Pluto Retrograde Features~Karma

Pluto Retrograde Features~Karma

By Stacy Lynn 

Pluto will begin its retrograde period on April 25, 2019. It will be retrograde until October 2, 2019. You can expect to feel the influences of Pluto retrograde in the most in specific areas of your life. If you have your chart read by me, I can tell you how Pluto retrograde will affect you and how you can cope with this potentially difficult time-period. Overall, Pluto retrograde will take us on a journey into our shadow side and cause revelations in sex, death, and investments.

Pluto’s path symbolizes the unknown areas you have to pass through before finally reaching understanding about yourself at the very deepest of levels. Pluto also symbolizes how when Soul and Matter are not in contact with the divine light inside yourself, you may experience more difficulty in dealing with your baser urges. If, on the other hand, you are able to bridge the gap between your baser urges and finally link up with the divine light inside you that you were intended to know, you cone into contact with that part of yourself that is so incredibly good that you are certain that no one else would actually believe it. This is the discovery of your real identity.

The great difficulties involved in reaching such Plutonian energies, is that like the seagull who flies the highest on his own wings, you must transcend on your own. The endings qualified by Pluto are the symbolic dropping off of phases no longer necessary for your growth.

Since Pluto is retrograde nearly half of the time, then a very high percentage of the world’s population has Pluto retrograde in their natal horoscopes. These individuals will ultimately become more concerned with transformations within themselves than with less fruitful attempts at trying to reform the outer world. They will learn to manifest the divine light from within and express it to make it become a reality here on earth.

Most everyone will start to feel the ills of society as a personal reason to transform themselves at the time of Pluto Retrograde. If you have Pluto retrograde already in your natal chart, then you will experience the impact of this even more. Most know they cannot change the entire world by themselves even if they wanted to. Still, at this time, many would like to change many things if it were practical or possible. Now is the time to learn and understand that you can change the world within yourself by ending your ties with all that bind you to less than your purified being. This is a process that takes many years, and sometimes many lifetimes to achieve. In its highest manifestation, it represents the true divine light in the collective unconscious and bringing the purest form of love here to earth. You will have to continually eliminate from your life all those factors which impede the progress of your soul and the expression of your true spirit. Pluto Retrograde periods are those time where you make progress in making transformations within yourself.

You may experience the struggle of mankind as a very personal struggle within yourself. You may personally feel the need to overcome in yourself all that has been lowering the consciousness of the society you live in. Thus, you react strongly to other people’s dishonesty to themselves; taking it as a personal affront to your own progress, which you feel you must make for the ultimate good of the civilization of which you are an important part. You must learn to detach a little ore from the habit patterns and behavior characteristics of others whose lives really have so little to do with your own true inner reality.

Karma

If you have Pluto Retrograde in your natal horoscope, this will also bring up karma for you. The individual with Retrograde Pluto is living through a karma of experiencing mass consciousness within themself. You feel the impact of world thought, and are conscious of how it relates to world thought throughout the ages. Not always expressing outwardly what you know, you tend to see other individuals as part of a larger and more inclusive whole rather than on a constant one-to-one basis.

In your personal life, it is far less important what you do than what you think about what you do. Much of the time you live within your conscience, sifting through the great multitude of feelings you experience within yourself. The spiritual growth possible with Retrograde Pluto is limited only by your conscious mind. You can literally rise above much of the karma of your entire race if you choose. Interestingly enough, if you try to avoid elevating your karma, you will feel the lower karmas of others around you anyway. Thus, if you choose to elevate yourself, he truly can begin what it is to be “in this world but not of it.” In order to eventually achieve this, you go through temporary withdrawals from others until you learn how to be impersonal with the intensity of the world you senses outside yourself so that you ultimately reach the point at which you no longer feel it acting within yourself.

Retrograde Pluto in the 8th House

Pluto will begin its retrograde in the 8th house. It will move into different “houses,” or areas of your life, throughout its course through the solar system. With it starting in the 8th house, this is the position with the most depth in the entire Zodiac. Not only does Pluto rule the 8th house, but the introspective qualities of its Retrograde nature are in total harmony with its house placement.

During this time, you will likely be questioning the values of others. You’ll seek to understand the deepest mysteries of life. Sexuality will come up in a big way! Pluto Retrograde represents the most unfathomable questions of all and little in life will go by without it being clinically studied. You will feel a strong increase in sexual drive. Your drive, however, is not only physically, but mentally and cosmically-oriented as well. Whether you express it physically or you transform it to mental energy, this drive powers all you seek to understand in the universe. Now is the time to aggressively destroy old traditional habit patterns so that ultimately you can go through a rebirth within yourself on the very deepest of levels.

You will be so linked with the values of others, that whether you like it or not, you are strongly influenced by mass consciousness. Allow yourself to bring into this life a legacy of Pluto’s power for change, and the more you grow discontented with the world around you, the more you’ll begin to understand the mysteries within yourself.

The next Pluto Retrograde period is April 25, 2020 until October 4, 2020. Use this Pluto Retrograde period to transform yourself now! Book an appointment or order a report today to help you get the most out of this time-period. Let’s make a plan for you and use your personal astrology to work on making your dreams come true!

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[positivepsychologyinterventions]

9 Simple Ways to Boost Your Emotional Well-Being in 2020

A great way to welcome the New Year is to focus on your emotional well-being. After all, your emotional wellness is closely connected to your mental and physical health.

According to therapist Keely Clark, LCSW, “basic functions like digestion, sleep, energy levels, and concentration/focus are all affected by the state of our emotional health.”

Vancouver psychotherapist Chris Boyd, MA, noted that “emotional well-being increases levels of contentment and self-worth and impacts our ability to connect with others, deal with adversity, be flexible, and enhance our skills.”

In short, in order to be and feel our best, it’s important to bolster our emotional well-being.

What is emotional well-being exactly?

Psychotherapist Genesis Games, LMHC, shared this definition from the Therapist’s Guide to Positive Psychological Interventions: “a combination of positive affect in the absence of negative affect and an overall sense of fulfillment with life.”

Boyd defined emotional well-being as: “a healthy and balanced range of emotions,” including coping effectively with anxiety, sadness, and anger, “but not to the extent that they impact our ability to engage in life.”

Enhancing your emotional well-being doesn’t have to feature grand gestures and sweeping changes. It can include small shifts in your day to day. Here are nine shifts to try.

Change your automatic thinking. “The first thought that pops into our mind is conditioned by our biology, genetics, temperament, and experiences and can often be repetitive, useless, and negative,” Boyd said.

These automatic thoughts can be anything from “This presentation will be a disaster” to “I’m such a failure” to “What’s wrong with me!”

To change this detrimental thinking, Boyd suggested noticing your first thought with curiosity and following up with a more logical and helpful thought. Asking yourself these questions can help, he said:

What would I tell a friend who had this thought?

Is there objective evidence that substantiates this thought?

Would it stand up in a court of law or be dismissed as circumstantial?

What would someone I respect think of this thought?

For example, if you automatically think “I totally blew this!” you change it to: “That was a difficult situation. But it also had some positives. Because I’ve had this experience, I’ll be better prepared next time something similar occurs.”

Identify your values. “Values provide a road map for the direction we want to move in our life,” said Erin Haugen, PhD, LP, CMPC, a clinical and sport psychologist who helps others achieve their peak performance goals. “If you’re not living your values, chances are you will not feel fulfilled or satisfied.”

To discover your values, she suggested exploring these questions: What do I truly stand for? What qualities are meaningful to me? How do I want to be in my relationship with others?

Rest every day. Rest can mean different things to different people. To Clark, rest means unplugging from all technology or media and spending at least 20 minutes with her own thoughts every day.

“So much of our daily life is influenced by what we see others doing and we are prone to compare ourselves,” said Clark, who offers supportive counseling and coaching to moms as they navigate the transitions of motherhood at her private practice MotherBloom Wellness PLLC in Asheville, N.C. This “increases intrinsic pressures to ‘keep up’ or ‘keep going’ even when our intuition may be saying ’slow down.’”

Carving out quiet time helps you stay connected to yourself and what you value most, she added.

Embrace all emotions. Give yourself permission to feel the full range of your emotions—from joy to sorrow to deep disappointment, said Games, who specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families struggling with relationship issues, breakups, addiction, and life transitions in Miami, Fla.

Identify “how your emotions manifest in your body,” focusing on the different physical sensations that arise. Pay attention to what triggers your emotions and whether there’s a pattern, she said.

Games also stressed the importance of “widening your emotional vocabulary” and being very specific. For example, instead of saying “I am sad,” say “I am heartbroken.”

Explore what your emotions are trying to tell you. As Haugen noted, emotions are “data you use to evaluate experiences.” What message are your emotions trying to send?

Engage in compassionate acts. According to Boyd, “The Dalai Lama once said, ‘If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.’” These can be small (but significant) acts. For example, he said, you might buy coffee for a stranger, offer to help a colleague, give up your seat on the train, or donate to a food bank.

Engage in activities that spark positive emotions. Haugen suggested engaging in at least one joy-promoting activity per day. These activities “don’t have to be anything major.” For example, Haugen likes to spend time with her dogs. Other examples, she said, include putting a puzzle together, taking a walk, or listening to your favorite music.

“If you are feeling stuck, just Google the ‘Pleasant Events Schedule,’ which is a list of [several] hundred activities that can bring positive emotions to you.”

Be thankful for the seemingly ordinary. Over the years, research has confirmed the power of gratitude in our lives. Games suggested being grateful for the things we typically take for granted that would have a tremendous impact if we lost them.

For example, as a Miami resident, Games is grateful to have air conditioning in her car, home, and office. “When a hurricane strikes and the power goes out for days or weeks, I am reminded of the value of AC. I suddenly become so much more appreciative of it.”

What do you often dismiss, which actually contributes to your health and happiness?

Do something playful. This is one of Clark’s go-to practices—and research confirms that play is powerful for adults. For example, you might start the day with a 5-minute dance party, use a coloring book on your lunch break, or doodle a silly picture after getting home from work. If you’re not sure what activities to try, think back to what you loved as a child.

Get creative. Tapping into our creativity and imagination helps us to express our emotions and promotes a sense of novelty and challenge that stimulates our senses and nudges us to be more present, Games said. For example, you might paint, pen poetry, play an instrument, bake a new cookie recipe, or take on a DIY project, she said.

There are many ways to focus on your emotional health every day. Pick the suggestions that resonate with you. As Haugen said, “Attending to your emotional well-being is a way of life.” And it’s absolutely worth it.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/303Jd3z via IFTTT

#IFTTT #World of Psychology

[agespecific]

Decades ago, I decided that it would be my major intention in life to develop more patience. As a result, I am always mindful of my pre-disposition to lose patience with people, places, things, and most of all, grocery store check-out lines.

But the good news is, I am making progress and finding more peace and less stress, even when purchasing groceries.

Patience is a coping skill I find increasingly challenging to develop in the age of instant gratification. Since the onset of the electronic age, the preponderance of gadgets (phones, texts, email, Amazon Now) has encouraged an expectation that nothing less than speedy responses will be accepted.

Answer the phone on the first ring. Why does it take so long for that woman to count her change? I sent you a text an hour ago. Everyone in your universe is responding at a snail’s pace and causing you stress. Help!

I was caught up short this summer, when I visited my oldest and best friend two weeks ago. I was trying to finish my novel, and Pat was ever present with her council.

“Have patience, Joan. You won’t be able to get through this process if you don’t see the long distance. There is an end coming, but there is a way to get to that end gracefully.”

Wise words. If you have a friend, mentor or family member caution you that the end is not the most important part of the process, you understand that process is part and parcel of the end result.

The following are 5 guideposts that will help you re-direct the emotional attachment to instant gratification and develop more patience.

Transform Frustration with Patience by Letting Go

When a friend, or even someone you don’t know, makes a remark to “Have patience,” it might aggravate or offend you. You think, How dare that person intrude on my space and my feelings of self-righteousness?

But not everyone moves at your pace – the waitress doesn’t come to the table in a timely fashion, the people buying tickets at the movies take too long.

Your ability to let go and release the negativity from your heart, turning inward until your needs are met is crucial to understanding practicing patience. It’s emotionally freeing and a powerful practice that can move you into meditation until you receive the gratification that you are searching for.

Turn the Negative into a Positive Patience

When things aren’t moving the way you want them to, when frustration obstructs you or renders you ineffective, when you have to delay gratification, your first response is to get angry or be disappointed. Yet, this is an opportunity to turn the negative into a positive.

Take those uncomfortable moments to recognize your vulnerability and cultivate strength of purpose and emotional honesty. Re-set a mantra or an intention, shine light on your family and their needs. Meditate on giving gratitude, possessing joy and living a stress-free life.

Learn to Adapt with Patience

The easier you adapt to situations with patience, the easier your life will be. Change and growth will follow. Abu Said, a famous 14th century Sufi poet in the Persian Empire gives us sound advice on adapting with patience: “Take one step away from yourself and lo behold! – the path.”

What Abu Said is advising is to get out of the way of yourself so you can see your life more clearly. I call this the ten percent solution.

When you are frustrated because things aren’t moving fast enough, detach from the situation in order to gain perspective. Remove yourself from what is frustrating and then note how your stress level is reduced.

Better Relationships Through Patience

It is true that in difficult times, if you practice patience, personal growth will occur. When you face challenges as simple as waiting in line or trying to understand a new idea, patience is your path. And when you have difficulties in a relationship and hostilities increase, you heal with patience.

Patience is an indication of how successful you will be in relationships. With patience, you can take one step away and move forward, gaining objectivity, resolving issues, communicating more effectively and reducing stress.

Patience is liberating because it defies resistance and allows us to surrender, let go and see our life clearly.

Find Your Natural Pace with Patience

Life has a rhythm of its own – its ups and downs, its ins and outs – and is full of surprises. “Expect the unexpected.” The unexpected requires you to be aware, to be present to what is happening in the moment and put on the brakes if necessary to avoid unpleasantness.

Allow your breathing to fall into an easy rhythm, not overly deep or shallow, but with an easy cadence that feels natural to you. Release focus on the negative situation and know that your turn awaits you. Trust the flow, take joy in delaying gratification and reduce your stress level.

Which comes first? Frustration or lack of patience? The chicken and the egg dichotomy is a human dilemma that not only inhibits our emotional freedom, but it also brings out the worst in us. Lack of patience is not a good look on anyone.

People notice impatience, they can feel it in your mind and body. Transition the negative to the positive and discover a relaxed state of mind that will get you through the nerve-wracking moments in your day while reducing stress.

What do you do to reduce stress and develop patience in your life? Do you try to expect the unexpected and go with the flow in life? Which recent situation required more of your patience than you were wiling to give? Please share in the comments below.

Joan Moran is a keynote speaker, commanding the stage with her delightful humor, raw energy, and wealth of life experiences. She is an expert on wellness and is passionate about addressing the problems of mental inertia. A yoga instructor and an Argentine tango dancer, Joan is the author of 60, Sex, & Tango, Confessions of a Beatnik Boomer. Her new book, I’m The Boss of Me! Stay Sexy, Strong & Smart at Any Age, is now on Amazon. Check out Joan’s website joanfrancesmoran.com and follow on Twitter @joanfmoran.

The post 5 Guideposts for Developing Patience and Reducing Stress After 60 appeared first on Age Specific.

#WordPress #age #aging #ageing #baby boomers #millennials #gen z #5 Guideposts for Developing Patienc

[zillowcondo]

163: Learn How to Truly Savor Everyday Moments & Watch It Elevate Your Life

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #163

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio

“Growing your inner strengths through taking in the good is like deepening the keel of a sailboat so that it’s less jostled by the worldly winds, it recovers more quickly from big storms, and you can now safely head out into deeper waters in pursuit of your dreams.” —Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness

The founding premise of the book Hardwiring Happiness is change your brain, change your life for the better. Having discussed this fact before on the blog/podcast, it may not appear to be profound on the surface, but what always keeps me reading is how do we change our brain to change our lives for the better, how does it actually work neurologically?

And the how is exactly what made the most sense to me above any other book I have read upon reading Hardwiring Happiness.

Simply put, we need to deeply savor the good that occurs in our lives, the small as well as the overtly large and as we do, we begin to build new synapses into our brain, enabling it to expect the good rather than spontaneously always looking for the bad.

The skill that we all need to develop, practice multiple times a day and then use habitually is to take in the good. What is meant by this is a four step process which Hanson outlines in his book, but essentially it is to be present in your life, to be engaged, to be paying attention, and thus, to recognize, and then savor those moments, no matter how small or large, that are good.

“By taking just a few extra seconds to stay with a positive experience you’ll help turn a passing mental state into lasting neural structure . . . the practice brings you into the present moment and teaches you to have more control over your attention.”

Did you wake up and feel rested? Savor this moment for 10 more seconds and let it truly be absorbed by your mind. Did you receive a loving gesture from your partner? Slow down and savor it, engraining into your memory to be appreciated even after the moment has passed. Did you feel safe in your home last night? Tip your hat to the world you have created and take a deep breath to again welcome even more appreciation of the fact into your being.

An analogy (and he uses an abundance of them throughout the book which I found quite helpful) Hanson uses to describe the three step process of rewiring the brain is comparing it to making a fire: “Step 1 lights it, step 2 adds fuel to keep it going, and step 3 fills you with its warmth.” He also further explains that often step 2 & 3 overlap which makes sense because you can adding wood to the fire to keep it going as you are remaining warm.

To repeat the steps (notice the acronym – HEAL):

Have a positive experience 

Enrich the experience

Absorb the experience

(optional step) Link positive and negative material so that positive soothes and even replaces negative

All of this may sound overly simplified, but after reading and coming to understand how the brain works, how it creates paths of memory and why it has evolved the way it has, Dr. Hanson, who is a neuropsychologist, demonstrates that it is in the daily routines and the daily tracks we allow to run through our mind that create a happier, I like to use the word contented, way of living every single day not matter what is going on outside of us.

Why? Dr. Hanson dives deeply into this, but a basic synopsis is “In a positive circle, feeling better helps you act better, which helps the world treat you better, which helps you feel better.”

And on the flip-side, if we continue to let negative events run through our minds and become absorbed by them, we are making tracks in our mind, strengthening synapses that reinforce the need to be on the look out for negative and thus reactive rather than responsive which I detailed in episode #145 of the podcast.

In fact, Dr. Hanson points out due to our ancestral need for survival which actually impedes our way of life in the 21st century, our brain is designed in such a away that “negative stimuli are perceived more rapidly and easily than positive stimuli”. In other words, “the default setting of the brain is to overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities and underestimate resources both for coping with threats and for fulfilling opportunities”. Which is why, it requires a conscious effort to rewire the brain to be less fearful and more positive seeking, and if we do nothing, the above hereditary scenario will persist throughout the duration of our lives blocking us from attaining our full potential.

Knowledge of how the brain works is power. And upon reading the book, if further understanding of the most powerful tool in your body is of interest to you, you will appreciate this book and how he delivers the information.

Let’s talk about the “how” of savoring the good moments, both enriching them and absorbing them.

1. Slow down

In order to recognize when a good moment has occurred, we need to slow down. At that time, take 10 more seconds to just fully observe, imprint in your memory what is going well.

2. Become fully aware of what surrounds you

Being present in the now will help you to be fully aware of all that is going on, all that is going well and even if certain things are not, because you are fully aware, you can put it into perspective, bring forward the good and ratcheting down the not so good so that it doesn’t become more inflamed than it needs to be.

3. Strengthen emotional intelligence 

There are many components to being emotionally intelligent (I go in detail in episode #140), but the key component to rewiring your brain is to be able to identify your emotions and what you are feeling accurately. And then once you understand what you are feeling, if it is a positive feeling, you can grow the feeling into a mood – for example as Dr. Hanson points out, you can grow a feeling of gladness and gratitude into a mood of contentment. Conversely, if you recognize you are feeling sad about something, you can combat the feeling from developing into a mood of depression simply by recognizing what you are feeling, why you are feeling and combating it by shifting your mind and even your environment to a positive scenario so that your mind doesn’t become fixating on something that isn’t productive or helpful.

4. Instead of wanting, choose to like or appreciate the moment

Often we are fully aware that a moment or an experience is exponentially good and because we know it is good, we want more of it. But by wanting, as Hanson points out, we aren’t experiencing what is going on right now. We are removing ourselves from the situation and acting in such a way that reveals we unconsciously feel we lack something, thus the “want”. In fact, our “want” is killing any growth of more goodness.

Instead, be present, enjoy what is occurring, appreciate it for what it is without cajoling to trying to make more and relish what you have the opportunity to be amongst. As I have learned upon bringing more appreciative and secure people into my life, is that when such beautiful moments happen, I can take that moment with me in my memory so long as I savor the experience and allow my memory to absorb it fully and then replay it whenever I need to to brighten my future days. Again, more is not better, simply deepen what you are given by following the three step process: have a good experience, enrich it/savor it and absorb it/commit it to memory. 

5. Give yourself permission 

I recently was listening to Christopher Kimball’s Milk Street Radio podcast, and he was interviewing Nigella Lawson who stated on the topic of guilty pleasures, “Look, if you feel guilty about pleasure, you don’t deserve to have pleasure.” Back in 2013 I wrote a post about the difference between pleasure and joy, and while one is not bad and the other good, knowing where each is derived is important. However, with regards to rewiring the brain, anytime we observe and experience a pleasure, we can turn the pleasure into joy which is something entirely within our own control. For example, I pulled an excerpt from the post mentioned above. Here is a list of how to welcome more joy into your life, and upon doing so, you can make all of these moments opportunities to rewire your brain as you shift to a more contented way of living each and every day.

1. Look inward – become at peace with who you are, and celebrate your uniqueness.

2. Take time to meditate, pray and be still.

3. Allow external inspiration (art, nature, music, conversation) to stir your inner creativity, and act upon those moments of inspiration – create, dream and act according to what is provoked within you.

4. Figure out your purpose/passion and then go pursue it

5. Be thankful for what you already have, rather than what you lack

6. Give when you have the resources, time and energy to do so

7. Pursue avenues/dreams that are meaningful and align with your values

8. Plan activities that cultivate more moments of joy – simple meals, gatherings, events that you are curious about, etc.

The conclusion of Hardwiring Happiness that drove the point home for me of choosing to take on the task of changing the hardwiring my brain (because initially it will have to be an entirely conscious choice) was the realization that when we shift away from seeking more happiness and running or trying to avoid pain, we come to recognize that we have the ability to be content wherever we are at any given moment. We have that power. We do not have to chase it, we don’t have to run from what we perceive as bad moments. Because as we begin to live more consciously, as we begin to focus on the good, take it in fully and commit it to memory, we begin to build a life that snowballs in the best of ways. The cycle that was mentioned above strengthens and we attract people, moments and environments that are full of goodness to appreciate because we are someone who brings and cultivates moments of goodness in our lives and those around us.

“Taking in the good is not about chasing after pleasure or chasing away pain. It’s about bringing the chase to an end.”

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~How to Be the Master of Your Mind

~11 Ways to Live More Mindfully

~From Seeking Happiness to Cultivating Contentment: A Shift in What We Pursue (podcast)

  Petit Plaisir:

~The perfect simple and delicious appetizer for summer: Melons & Prosciutto (cantaloupe & cured ham)

History: An Italian antipasti favorite, dating back to the second century, it was Galeno, a doctor during this time who believed that the combination of these two ingredients was the perfect way to incorporate the four things a being needed to feed what he believed each human was made of – warm, cold, dry and juicy corresponding to the four elements fire, air, earth and water.  The melon was cold and juicy and the cured ham was dry and warm (salty and cured).  Learn more here.

~The other appetizers are Tangy Cucumber Bites (recipe here) and figs with chèvre.

  All images via TSLL’s Instagram & IG stories

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Download the Episode

163: Learn How to Truly Savor Everyday Moments & Watch It Elevate Your Life published first on http://ift.tt/2pewpEF

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163: Learn How to Truly Savor Everyday Moments & Watch It Elevate Your Life

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #163

~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio

"Growing your inner strengths through taking in the good is like deepening the keel of a sailboat so that it's less jostled by the worldly winds, it recovers more quickly from big storms, and you can now safely head out into deeper waters in pursuit of your dreams." —Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness

The founding premise of the book Hardwiring Happiness is change your brain, change your life for the better. Having discussed this fact before on the blog/podcast, it may not appear to be profound on the surface, but what always keeps me reading is how do we change our brain to change our lives for the better, how does it actually work neurologically? And the how is exactly what made the most sense to me above any other book I have read upon reading Hardwiring Happiness. Simply put, we need to deeply savor the good that occurs in our lives, the small as well as the overtly large and as we do, we begin to build new synapses into our brain, enabling it to expect the good rather than spontaneously always looking for the bad. The skill that we all need to develop, practice multiple times a day and then use habitually is to take in the good. What is meant by this is a four step process which Hanson outlines in his book, but essentially it is to be present in your life, to be engaged, to be paying attention, and thus, to recognize, and then savor those moments, no matter how small or large, that are good.

"By taking just a few extra seconds to stay with a positive experience you'll help turn a passing mental state into lasting neural structure . . . the practice brings you into the present moment and teaches you to have more control over your attention."

Did you wake up and feel rested? Savor this moment for 10 more seconds and let it truly be absorbed by your mind. Did you receive a loving gesture from your partner? Slow down and savor it, engraining into your memory to be appreciated even after the moment has passed. Did you feel safe in your home last night? Tip your hat to the world you have created and take a deep breath to again welcome even more appreciation of the fact into your being. An analogy (and he uses an abundance of them throughout the book which I found quite helpful) Hanson uses to describe the three step process of rewiring the brain is comparing it to making a fire: "Step 1 lights it, step 2 adds fuel to keep it going, and step 3 fills you with its warmth." He also further explains that often step 2 & 3 overlap which makes sense because you can adding wood to the fire to keep it going as you are remaining warm. To repeat the steps (notice the acronym - HEAL):

Have a positive experience 

Enrich the experience

Absorb the experience

(optional step) Link positive and negative material so that positive soothes and even replaces negative

All of this may sound overly simplified, but after reading and coming to understand how the brain works, how it creates paths of memory and why it has evolved the way it has, Dr. Hanson, who is a neuropsychologist, demonstrates that it is in the daily routines and the daily tracks we allow to run through our mind that create a happier, I like to use the word contented, way of living every single day not matter what is going on outside of us. Why? Dr. Hanson dives deeply into this, but a basic synopsis is "In a positive circle, feeling better helps you act better, which helps the world treat you better, which helps you feel better." And on the flip-side, if we continue to let negative events run through our minds and become absorbed by them, we are making tracks in our mind, strengthening synapses that reinforce the need to be on the look out for negative and thus reactive rather than responsive which I detailed in episode #145 of the podcast. In fact, Dr. Hanson points out due to our ancestral need for survival which actually impedes our way of life in the 21st century, our brain is designed in such a away that "negative stimuli are perceived more rapidly and easily than positive stimuli". In other words, "the default setting of the brain is to overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities and underestimate resources both for coping with threats and for fulfilling opportunities". Which is why, it requires a conscious effort to rewire the brain to be less fearful and more positive seeking, and if we do nothing, the above hereditary scenario will persist throughout the duration of our lives blocking us from attaining our full potential. Knowledge of how the brain works is power. And upon reading the book, if further understanding of the most powerful tool in your body is of interest to you, you will appreciate this book and how he delivers the information. Let's talk about the "how" of savoring the good moments, both enriching them and absorbing them. 1. Slow down In order to recognize when a good moment has occurred, we need to slow down. At that time, take 10 more seconds to just fully observe, imprint in your memory what is going well. 2. Become fully aware of what surrounds you Being present in the now will help you to be fully aware of all that is going on, all that is going well and even if certain things are not, because you are fully aware, you can put it into perspective, bring forward the good and ratcheting down the not so good so that it doesn't become more inflamed than it needs to be. 3. Strengthen emotional intelligence  There are many components to being emotionally intelligent (I go in detail in episode #140), but the key component to rewiring your brain is to be able to identify your emotions and what you are feeling accurately. And then once you understand what you are feeling, if it is a positive feeling, you can grow the feeling into a mood - for example as Dr. Hanson points out, you can grow a feeling of gladness and gratitude into a mood of contentment. Conversely, if you recognize you are feeling sad about something, you can combat the feeling from developing into a mood of depression simply by recognizing what you are feeling, why you are feeling and combating it by shifting your mind and even your environment to a positive scenario so that your mind doesn't become fixating on something that isn't productive or helpful. 4. Instead of wanting, choose to like or appreciate the moment Often we are fully aware that a moment or an experience is exponentially good and because we know it is good, we want more of it. But by wanting, as Hanson points out, we aren't experiencing what is going on right now. We are removing ourselves from the situation and acting in such a way that reveals we unconsciously feel we lack something, thus the "want". In fact, our "want" is killing any growth of more goodness. Instead, be present, enjoy what is occurring, appreciate it for what it is without cajoling to trying to make more and relish what you have the opportunity to be amongst. As I have learned upon bringing more appreciative and secure people into my life, is that when such beautiful moments happen, I can take that moment with me in my memory so long as I savor the experience and allow my memory to absorb it fully and then replay it whenever I need to to brighten my future days. Again, more is not better, simply deepen what you are given by following the three step process: have a good experience, enrich it/savor it and absorb it/commit it to memory.  5. Give yourself permission  I recently was listening to Christopher Kimball's Milk Street Radio podcast, and he was interviewing Nigella Lawson who stated on the topic of guilty pleasures, "Look, if you feel guilty about pleasure, you don't deserve to have pleasure." Back in 2013 I wrote a post about the difference between pleasure and joy, and while one is not bad and the other good, knowing where each is derived is important. However, with regards to rewiring the brain, anytime we observe and experience a pleasure, we can turn the pleasure into joy which is something entirely within our own control. For example, I pulled an excerpt from the post mentioned above. Here is a list of how to welcome more joy into your life, and upon doing so, you can make all of these moments opportunities to rewire your brain as you shift to a more contented way of living each and every day. 1. Look inward – become at peace with who you are, and celebrate your uniqueness. 2. Take time to meditate, pray and be still. 3. Allow external inspiration (art, nature, music, conversation) to stir your inner creativity, and act upon those moments of inspiration – create, dream and act according to what is provoked within you. 4. Figure out your purpose/passion and then go pursue it 5. Be thankful for what you already have, rather than what you lack 6. Give when you have the resources, time and energy to do so 7. Pursue avenues/dreams that are meaningful and align with your values 8. Plan activities that cultivate more moments of joy – simple meals, gatherings, events that you are curious about, etc. The conclusion of Hardwiring Happiness that drove the point home for me of choosing to take on the task of changing the hardwiring my brain (because initially it will have to be an entirely conscious choice) was the realization that when we shift away from seeking more happiness and running or trying to avoid pain, we come to recognize that we have the ability to be content wherever we are at any given moment. We have that power. We do not have to chase it, we don't have to run from what we perceive as bad moments. Because as we begin to live more consciously, as we begin to focus on the good, take it in fully and commit it to memory, we begin to build a life that snowballs in the best of ways. The cycle that was mentioned above strengthens and we attract people, moments and environments that are full of goodness to appreciate because we are someone who brings and cultivates moments of goodness in our lives and those around us.

"Taking in the good is not about chasing after pleasure or chasing away pain. It's about bringing the chase to an end."

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~How to Be the Master of Your Mind

~11 Ways to Live More Mindfully

~From Seeking Happiness to Cultivating Contentment: A Shift in What We Pursue (podcast)

  Petit Plaisir:

~The perfect simple and delicious appetizer for summer: Melons & Prosciutto (cantaloupe & cured ham)

History: An Italian antipasti favorite, dating back to the second century, it was Galeno, a doctor during this time who believed that the combination of these two ingredients was the perfect way to incorporate the four things a being needed to feed what he believed each human was made of - warm, cold, dry and juicy corresponding to the four elements fire, air, earth and water.  The melon was cold and juicy and the cured ham was dry and warm (salty and cured).  Learn more here.

~The other appetizers are Tangy Cucumber Bites (recipe here) and figs with chèvre.

  All images via TSLL's Instagram & IG stories

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What Sheryl Sandberg can teach you about loss, grief, and resilience

Image: Ambar del moral / mashable

There’s something comforting about Sheryl Sandberg’s voice on the phone. It’s calm, self-assured, and sweet.

Yet there are also tremors of vulnerability in the Facebook COO’s voice, hints of the grief and longing she has grappled with ever since the sudden death of her husband Dave Goldberg in May 2015.

SEE ALSO: What the words of a dying doctor taught me about life’s meaning

“Living with this is a daily thing,” she says. “There are days I do better and days I do worse. There are days I keep the promises I make to myself to feel grateful, and there are days I don’t. In the better moments, even when I feel grief, I can remember that my kids are still alive. I can remember that Dave would have wanted them to be happy. I can remember how lucky I am to have friends and family. I would never say that those are all the moments, because they’re not.”

Sandberg and I are discussing her new book, part memoir and part operating manual for surviving the hardest moments in our lives. It lays bare some of Sandberg’s most painful experiences, the kind that were no doubt harrowing to relive.

Sheryl Sandberg and her late husband Dave Goldberg.

Image: Sheryl sandberg

I cried a lot reading Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. So much that I began marking the margins in ink with small tear drops so I could go back to the most moving passages. There were too many to track.

So perhaps I was inclined to hear humanity in Sandberg’s voice; others say they sense calculation and distance. Here’s my advice: Suspend your skepticism of Sandberg, if only to read Option B. It has essential wisdom on how to treat people who are grieving, on how to find resilience in your darkest moments.

Sandberg likes to talk about kicking “elephants” the things we all know but are too embarrassed to say out of the room. So let’s address the biggest one every review of Option B has to face: Why should you take advice on life’s worst experiences from a billionaire tech executive?

Sandberg has created the Option B community to help people find connections amidst loss and trauma.

Image: optionb.org

Sandberg doesn’t have the soulfulness of Oprah Winfrey, who uses her brand to nudge followers along the path of spiritual enlightenment. Nor is she from Momastery founder Glennon Doyle Melton’s school of being disarmingly honest.

Rightly or wrongly, people have come to expect that level of intimacy when a public figure brands their personal experiences, which is what may have lead to suspicion about Sandberg’s motives.

That wariness isn’t helped by the glaring blindspots on display in her first book, Lean In, a tome on workplace equality that didn’t truly grasp the nature of women’s challenges outside of corporate boardrooms.

Sandberg also happens to help lead the tech company responsible for transforming the way we communicate and get information. When Facebook is hit with complaints about viral fake news influencing elections, or live video gone horribly wrong, the Facebook groups founded by Sandberg, Lean In and now Option B, subtly defend the company. They’re offering a powerful counter-narrative about how the platform helps people make life-changing connections.

In short, Sandberg is a complicated public figure. You’d be right to have reservations about her writing and its ultimate purpose. But none of that skepticism changes what Sandberg and her co-author Adam Grant, the University of Pennsylvania psychologist, have done with Option B. They’ve taken her deeply personal story and pressed it into service. Her account is the book’s workhorse.

It’s the terrible fate that makes you curious enough to read thousands of words about the social science research that just might help you cope with tragedy.

This impulse of hers to share what she’s learned with the hope that it helps others seems to be innate, even irrepressible. It’s earnest and eager, qualities that aren’t cool these days, but ones that are necessary if alleviating suffering becomes part of your life’s mission.

Sandberg and Goldberg at their wedding.

Image: sheryl sandberg

As someone who studies trauma and resilience research closely, I know that people who experience tragedy often yearn to find greater purpose and meaning in what they’ve endured. Still, I was stunned by Sandberg’s willingness to dive headlong into sharing tender emotions and memories so soon after Goldberg’s death.

When I asked her why she took this on in the midst of learning the contours of her own anguish, parenting two young bereaved children, and helping to run Facebook, Sandberg recalled the terrifying confinement of grief.

“[I]t wasnt just this really overwhelming grief, but it was, you know, a real feeling of isolation,” she says. “The easy conversations I used to have with parents when I dropped off my kids at school … felt gone. And people kind of looked at me like I was a deer in headlights. So as much as I was trying to overcome grief, I was also feeling more and more and more alone.”

Thirty days after Goldberg’s death, she turned (of course) to Facebook with the equivalent of a primal scream. “You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe,” she wrote. “Or you can try to find meaning.”

Once she saw friends and strangers connecting in the comments and in real life to comfort her and each other, Sandberg realized she could be a conduit. Her suffering could amount to more than private moments of hell. The legacy of Goldberg’s life and death could become invaluable to people struggling with their own pain.

“Really I would give anything to go back and live one day with Dave Goldberg knowing what I know now,” she says. “But I cannot do that, I dont have that choice. If I can just give a little bit of that working with Adam [on the book], that has meaning for me, and I think when you face the abyss of grief, the void, the boot on your chest, you want something positive to come out of it.”

Really I would give anything to go back and live one day with Dave Goldberg knowing what I know now. But I dont have that choice.

So writing Option B became an urgent next step.

Sandberg borrowed the name from a good friend who, in the weeks after Goldberg’s death, lovingly told her: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out Option B.”

By marrying anecdote and scientific research, the book provides a pathway for doing just that. Sandberg and Grant explain that resilience isn’t something we come by automatically when we face tragedy. It’s more like a muscle that needs strengthening and conditioning, and they point to practical and proven tools like journaling, gratitude lists, and cognitive behavioral therapy that help reframe how we respond to adversity.

Some may balk at the book’s invocation of positive psychology founder Martin Seligman, whose research on pessimism and optimism is sometimes criticized for focusing on your attitude toward hardship. After all, a positive mindset only goes so far when you’re subjected to chronic societal, institutional, or family trauma, such as police violence, incarceration, and emotional or physical abuse.

Sandberg seems to get that. She peppers the chapters with policy prescriptions that reflect how suffering can take a disproportionate toll because of gender, race, ethnicity, and income, among other factors.

The book is also filled with anecdotes and insights from people of diverse backgrounds who demonstrate the many ways we can respond to heartbreak with resilience.

It’s clear Sandberg has learned from criticism of Lean In, and understood the value of looking far and wide for relatable, realistic perspectives.

SEE ALSO: You use this word to help you through hard times without even knowing it

Option B covers a lot of ground. It moves from advice on how to talk to a grieving person to research on gratitude, self-compassion, and post-traumatic growth to insights about reclaiming joy in the shadow of loss, how to raise resilient children, what resilient communities look like, and why we need more emotionally honest workplaces.

That ambitious scope, however, may be the book’s greatest weakness. It can occasionally feel like a grab bag of observations, scientific findings, and heartfelt stories.

There is relatively little discussion of mental health conditions that you might experience after loss or trauma, like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. You won’t find much on talk therapy or courses of medication, strategies that are just as valid in helping to create resilience as writing a gratitude list or allowing yourself to feel small doses of joy, both coping skills that Sandberg recommends.

Sandberg and Goldberg in 2004.

Image: sheryl sandberg

The book closes with an invitation for readers to join the Option B community in order to “connect with others who are coping with challenges like yours.” It should also include that website’s link to its roundup of organizations that support trauma survivors, in addition to the numbers for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and Crisis Text Line.

This book has the power to help heal, but in doing so, can bring you to the edge of your own fears. Sometimes, no matter how meaningfully meant, words on a page aren’t enough to help us take a step back from that terror.

Still, there is much to praise about Option B‘s emphasis on translating scientific research into advice people can explore and adopt. What’s doubly impressive about Sandberg’s decision to write it: she must have known it required opening herself up to feedback that far exceeds the usual literary criticism.

One writer, for example, lauded the book but argued that Sandberg tackled the problem of grief “almost as if it were a failing business to be turned around.” Expect to hear a lot more of that kind of commentary. It’s an easy criticism to make, and it devalues what Sandberg has accomplished.

We love when Silicon Valley and its ambassadors make our lives more convenient; we’d rather not see the seams of their handiwork. What we want instead, especially from women of Sandberg’s stature, is a never-ending well of authenticity.

When women become technical, wonky or dispassionate, (ahem, Hillary Clinton), we seem to have less use for them. Suddenly they are suspect. But consider how we were willing to forgive Steve Jobs, who was so famously unfeeling that he invariably parked his car in Apple’s disabled spots, and then elevate him as a cultural icon and genius.

When I ask Sandberg about skepticism of her efforts, she deflects for a bit. She talks about the success of the Lean In movement and the tough lessons she learned from that book, then lands on the anecdote she wants to share.

A friend’s child who is quite sick has recently spent a lot of time on Option B reading people’s stories and realizing he doesn’t have to feel isolated.

If that child,” she says, “… if he felt less alone because weve helped build something that helped connect him to people not everyone has to love it, but I would make that decision every day.

That’s good enough for me. I hope it’s good enough for you too.

WATCH: Lady Gaga FaceTimed with Prince William to discuss a very important issue

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What Sheryl Sandberg can teach you about loss, grief, and resilience

Image: Ambar del moral / mashable

There’s something comforting about Sheryl Sandberg’s voice on the phone. It’s calm, self-assured, and sweet.

Yet there are also tremors of vulnerability in the Facebook COO’s voice, hints of the grief and longing she has grappled with ever since the sudden death of her husband Dave Goldberg in May 2015.

SEE ALSO: What the words of a dying doctor taught me about life’s meaning

“Living with this is a daily thing,” she says. “There are days I do better and days I do worse. There are days I keep the promises I make to myself to feel grateful, and there are days I don’t. In the better moments, even when I feel grief, I can remember that my kids are still alive. I can remember that Dave would have wanted them to be happy. I can remember how lucky I am to have friends and family. I would never say that those are all the moments, because they’re not.”

Sandberg and I are discussing her new book, part memoir and part operating manual for surviving the hardest moments in our lives. It lays bare some of Sandberg’s most painful experiences, the kind that were no doubt harrowing to relive.

Sheryl Sandberg and her late husband Dave Goldberg.

Image: Sheryl sandberg

I cried a lot reading Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. So much that I began marking the margins in ink with small tear drops so I could go back to the most moving passages. There were too many to track.

So perhaps I was inclined to hear humanity in Sandberg’s voice; others say they sense calculation and distance. Here’s my advice: Suspend your skepticism of Sandberg, if only to read Option B. It has essential wisdom on how to treat people who are grieving, on how to find resilience in your darkest moments.

Sandberg likes to talk about kicking “elephants” the things we all know but are too embarrassed to say out of the room. So let’s address the biggest one every review of Option B has to face: Why should you take advice on life’s worst experiences from a billionaire tech executive?

Sandberg has created the Option B community to help people find connections amidst loss and trauma.

Image: optionb.org

Sandberg doesn’t have the soulfulness of Oprah Winfrey, who uses her brand to nudge followers along the path of spiritual enlightenment. Nor is she from Momastery founder Glennon Doyle Melton’s school of being disarmingly honest.

Rightly or wrongly, people have come to expect that level of intimacy when a public figure brands their personal experiences, which is what may have lead to suspicion about Sandberg’s motives.

That wariness isn’t helped by the glaring blindspots on display in her first book, Lean In, a tome on workplace equality that didn’t truly grasp the nature of women’s challenges outside of corporate boardrooms.

Sandberg also happens to help lead the tech company responsible for transforming the way we communicate and get information. When Facebook is hit with complaints about viral fake news influencing elections, or live video gone horribly wrong, the Facebook groups founded by Sandberg, Lean In and now Option B, subtly defend the company. They’re offering a powerful counter-narrative about how the platform helps people make life-changing connections.

In short, Sandberg is a complicated public figure. You’d be right to have reservations about her writing and its ultimate purpose. But none of that skepticism changes what Sandberg and her co-author Adam Grant, the University of Pennsylvania psychologist, have done with Option B. They’ve taken her deeply personal story and pressed it into service. Her account is the book’s workhorse.

It’s the terrible fate that makes you curious enough to read thousands of words about the social science research that just might help you cope with tragedy.

This impulse of hers to share what she’s learned with the hope that it helps others seems to be innate, even irrepressible. It’s earnest and eager, qualities that aren’t cool these days, but ones that are necessary if alleviating suffering becomes part of your life’s mission.

Sandberg and Goldberg at their wedding.

Image: sheryl sandberg

As someone who studies trauma and resilience research closely, I know that people who experience tragedy often yearn to find greater purpose and meaning in what they’ve endured. Still, I was stunned by Sandberg’s willingness to dive headlong into sharing tender emotions and memories so soon after Goldberg’s death.

When I asked her why she took this on in the midst of learning the contours of her own anguish, parenting two young bereaved children, and helping to run Facebook, Sandberg recalled the terrifying confinement of grief.

“[I]t wasnt just this really overwhelming grief, but it was, you know, a real feeling of isolation,” she says. “The easy conversations I used to have with parents when I dropped off my kids at school … felt gone. And people kind of looked at me like I was a deer in headlights. So as much as I was trying to overcome grief, I was also feeling more and more and more alone.”

Thirty days after Goldberg’s death, she turned (of course) to Facebook with the equivalent of a primal scream. “You can give in to the void, the emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even breathe,” she wrote. “Or you can try to find meaning.”

Once she saw friends and strangers connecting in the comments and in real life to comfort her and each other, Sandberg realized she could be a conduit. Her suffering could amount to more than private moments of hell. The legacy of Goldberg’s life and death could become invaluable to people struggling with their own pain.

“Really I would give anything to go back and live one day with Dave Goldberg knowing what I know now,” she says. “But I cannot do that, I dont have that choice. If I can just give a little bit of that working with Adam [on the book], that has meaning for me, and I think when you face the abyss of grief, the void, the boot on your chest, you want something positive to come out of it.”

Really I would give anything to go back and live one day with Dave Goldberg knowing what I know now. But I dont have that choice.

So writing Option B became an urgent next step.

Sandberg borrowed the name from a good friend who, in the weeks after Goldberg’s death, lovingly told her: “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out Option B.”

By marrying anecdote and scientific research, the book provides a pathway for doing just that. Sandberg and Grant explain that resilience isn’t something we come by automatically when we face tragedy. It’s more like a muscle that needs strengthening and conditioning, and they point to practical and proven tools like journaling, gratitude lists, and cognitive behavioral therapy that help reframe how we respond to adversity.

Some may balk at the book’s invocation of positive psychology founder Martin Seligman, whose research on pessimism and optimism is sometimes criticized for focusing on your attitude toward hardship. After all, a positive mindset only goes so far when you’re subjected to chronic societal, institutional, or family trauma, such as police violence, incarceration, and emotional or physical abuse.

Sandberg seems to get that. She peppers the chapters with policy prescriptions that reflect how suffering can take a disproportionate toll because of gender, race, ethnicity, and income, among other factors.

The book is also filled with anecdotes and insights from people of diverse backgrounds who demonstrate the many ways we can respond to heartbreak with resilience.

It’s clear Sandberg has learned from criticism of Lean In, and understood the value of looking far and wide for relatable, realistic perspectives.

SEE ALSO: You use this word to help you through hard times without even knowing it

Option B covers a lot of ground. It moves from advice on how to talk to a grieving person to research on gratitude, self-compassion, and post-traumatic growth to insights about reclaiming joy in the shadow of loss, how to raise resilient children, what resilient communities look like, and why we need more emotionally honest workplaces.

That ambitious scope, however, may be the book’s greatest weakness. It can occasionally feel like a grab bag of observations, scientific findings, and heartfelt stories.

There is relatively little discussion of mental health conditions that you might experience after loss or trauma, like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. You won’t find much on talk therapy or courses of medication, strategies that are just as valid in helping to create resilience as writing a gratitude list or allowing yourself to feel small doses of joy, both coping skills that Sandberg recommends.

Sandberg and Goldberg in 2004.

Image: sheryl sandberg

The book closes with an invitation for readers to join the Option B community in order to “connect with others who are coping with challenges like yours.” It should also include that website’s link to its roundup of organizations that support trauma survivors, in addition to the numbers for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and Crisis Text Line.

This book has the power to help heal, but in doing so, can bring you to the edge of your own fears. Sometimes, no matter how meaningfully meant, words on a page aren’t enough to help us take a step back from that terror.

Still, there is much to praise about Option B‘s emphasis on translating scientific research into advice people can explore and adopt. What’s doubly impressive about Sandberg’s decision to write it: she must have known it required opening herself up to feedback that far exceeds the usual literary criticism.

One writer, for example, lauded the book but argued that Sandberg tackled the problem of grief “almost as if it were a failing business to be turned around.” Expect to hear a lot more of that kind of commentary. It’s an easy criticism to make, and it devalues what Sandberg has accomplished.

We love when Silicon Valley and its ambassadors make our lives more convenient; we’d rather not see the seams of their handiwork. What we want instead, especially from women of Sandberg’s stature, is a never-ending well of authenticity.

When women become technical, wonky or dispassionate, (ahem, Hillary Clinton), we seem to have less use for them. Suddenly they are suspect. But consider how we were willing to forgive Steve Jobs, who was so famously unfeeling that he invariably parked his car in Apple’s disabled spots, and then elevate him as a cultural icon and genius.

When I ask Sandberg about skepticism of her efforts, she deflects for a bit. She talks about the success of the Lean In movement and the tough lessons she learned from that book, then lands on the anecdote she wants to share.

A friend’s child who is quite sick has recently spent a lot of time on Option B reading people’s stories and realizing he doesn’t have to feel isolated.

If that child,” she says, “… if he felt less alone because weve helped build something that helped connect him to people not everyone has to love it, but I would make that decision every day.

That’s good enough for me. I hope it’s good enough for you too.

WATCH: Lady Gaga FaceTimed with Prince William to discuss a very important issue

Read more: http://ift.tt/2oCLcsh

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2q0Hr3I via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ