#theo being an annoying little shit is the best concept

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Sleeping With The Enemy II Draco Malfoy x Reader II Part 3 of 3

Summary: Being a Slytherin yourself doesn’t make you hate Malfoy any less. So why can’t you stop fantasizing about him? (18+)

PART 1 PART 2

A/N: I’m thinking of combining this concept with another series that I’m planning rn because I had so much fun writing this mini series! I hope you guys like the ending! Thank you so much for your support! <3

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!Reader, Words: 3.2k Warnings: post-war Hogwarts, smut, swearing, oral sex (male receiving)

Once again, an image was stuck in your mind.

This time however, it was way worse than your ex and Pansy. It was of Draco Malfoy and Pansy. Of his hips thrusting into her; of her legs wrapped around his waist, accompanied by the sound, sweaty bodies slapping against each other. It haunted you whenever you closed your eyes, it followed you into your dreams that night. You still couldn’t believe that happened to you. Twice in one week.

At breakfast you could barely look at them. You sat at the far end of the table, next to Millicent, keeping your head down. In your first period, it was the same. You were glad they were both seated behind you. Well, until Professor Slughorn decided to pair you into groups. He chose Malfoy as your partner.

What a huge surprise.

Of fucking course.

“Did you sleep well last night?”, Malfoy asked nonchalantly while reading the instructions.

You almost dropped the glass of snails. “Exceptionally well,” you then said and cleared your throat. You didn’t have to look at Malfoy to know that he was smirking. Clenching your teeth, you continued working in silence.

Malfoy spoke again after a few moments. “Never would have thought you’d be into something like that.” He walked past you to grab a bottle with snake blood from the other side of the table. When he did that, his arms brushed your side. You hated yourself for the shiver that ran down your spine.

“Something like what?”, you asked innocently. “The smell of honey?” You gestured towards the cauldron where a pink liquid bubbled, smelling like honey and wildflowers. The potion could let the person who drinks from it forget anything they want. How fitting, you thought. Exactly what you needed right now. It was also extremely toxic when given too much.

“Watching.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks. “Don’t, Malfoy.” You kept your eyes on the liquid. “If I didn’t know it’d kill me, I’d stick my head into the cauldron right now to erase the memory from my mind. So can we please just … forget it. Please?”

“Begging suits you.”

You groaned. “Fucking hell, Malfoy.” Everything seemed to be a joke to him.

The blonde Slytherin chuckled at your reaction and for the first time since you started working together, you looked at him. His stormy eyes sparkled with mischief and he lowered his voice when he continued: “I don’t want to forget about it.”

Me either. You stared at him.

“Ms. Y/L/N, Mr. Malfoy, are you making progress?”, the voice of your Professor made you flinch. Slughorn had appeared next to you, looking curiously into the cauldron.

“We’re almost there, Sir,” Malfoy replied and your cheeks burned. “Almost there.”

***

The remaining lessons of the day followed the same plot - you sat far away from Malfoy and Pansy and avoided eye contact at all costs. It worked perfectly - until your eyes accidentally wandered over to his table.

He wasn’t writing. His quill layed loosely in his hand and his gaze was fixated on you. Only then you realized what you did - 

You bite down on your lip when you concentrate or listen to the professors, Malfoy had said during that faithful night where you first talked, combine that with your skirt riding up your thighs and …

You crossed your legs, causing your skirt to ride up even higher. Malfoy shifted in his seat. When you felt the soft tingling in your stomach, you turned your head away.

***

“Theo, if you don’t stop eyefucking that Hufflepuff right now, you’re gonna sit on the bench and watch today. I am not losing against Gryffindor - again,” Blaise looked at the Chaser with narrowed eyes.

Your team members chuckled and Theo only rolled his eyes at Blaise - however not before winking at the 6th year Hufflepuff who gave him a little wave in response as she walked towards the stairs.

You stood outside the Slytherin locker rooms, all dressed in your quidditch uniforms. Today was the second game of the season and your team captain was dead set on winning it.

“Maybe Y/N should sit on the bench today, Blaise,” Malfoy suggested. “I heard she’s good at watching.”

You clenched your jaw. “Then you probably also heard that I’m even better at kicking your ass.”

“Please,” he raised one eyebrow. “I want to see you try.”

“Alright, whatever this is, stop it.” Blaise sighed. Apparently, the whole team seemed a little distracted today. “This is the second game of this year but it’ll also be the first game we win. So, pull yourselves together and make the Gryffindors regret the day they were born.”

You lost the game.

It was embarrassing, really. In the history of Quidditch, not once did Slytherin loose this high to the Gryffindors. When you walked off the field afterwards, heads hanging and accompanied by the laughter and songs of the Gryffindors, Blaise was fuming. It came to no surprise to you that he ordered you and Malfoy inside the boys locker room, after everyone had left.

“Both of you - in here,” he demanded in a sharp tone. Draco returned from the far end of the room while buttoning his shirt. You leaned against the doorframe, annoyed and frankly tired. A lecture from your team captain was the last thing you needed right now, considering you’d get one at the next training session anyways. Blaise looked back and forth between you and Malfoy before announcing: “Get your shit together?”

You raised your eyebrows. “What?”

“We all get it, you hate each other,” Blaise began. Malfoy snorted. “But if you let this affect our Quidditch games I have no choice but to …”

“To what?”, the blond one asked.

“Kick you off the team.”

Your eyes widened and you straightened up, taking a step inside. “So, Malfoy is the one who keeps making inappropriate comments and I’m the one who gets kicked off the team?!” You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “Are you for real, Blaise?”

He looked at you calmly. “You are distracted.”

“Because he distracts me.” You gestured at Malfoy who rolled his eyes.

“During the last training sessions, you didn’t focus and kept your eyes on him instead of the Quaffel. Didn’t matter whether or not Draco said something beforehand,” Blaise said. “So, to answer your question - yes, I’m for real.” 

You swallowed. You were speechless (and a little embarrassed). You opened your mouth but then closed it again.

“Don’t, Draco,” Blaise shot his friend an annoyed glance. You quickly noticed why - Malfoy watched you, amused. He obviously held back a grin. When Blaise confronted him, he gave a dismissive wave. “Give it a rest, Zabini.”

“No, I won’t,” Blaise scoffed, “stop trying to get her attention unless it’s Quidditch related. It’s annoying and I won’t allow it in my team.” He looked back and forth between you again. “Are we clear?”

“Crystal,” Malfoys voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Yes.” You nodded, anger still burning inside of you. Blaise nodded, not content but slightly less mad, and left. You decided to find him later and talk a little sense into him.

It was quiet for a while.

“Should have fucked him when you had the chance.” Apparently Malfoy was incapable of keeping his thoughts to himself - no matter how stupid they were.

“Oh, when will you ever shut up?!”, you sneered at him. “I can’t believe you almost got me kicked out of the team!”

“It’s not my fault you can’t keep your eyes off me.”

“Right,” you laughed bitterly. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You stare at me, you make inappropriate -”

“Stop saying I’m the one who’s inappropriate when you literally watched me fuck your best friend last night.” 

This managed to shut you up. You gasped at his words and then the image appeared in front of your eyes again. His hair that was still messy from the shower resembled his hair from last night after Pansy had tugged on it and run her fingers through it.

“Did you know we’d meet there?”, Draco continued. “Did Pansy tell you?”

“Of course not!”, you exclaimed, “What’s wrong with you!”

“What’s wrong with you for not leaving?” Malfoy walked towards you until only a few steps separated you.

“You would have caught me!”

“I caught you anyways.”

“I’m sorry,” the apology left your mouth before you could think about it.

You saw a flicker of confusion in his eyes. “For what?”

“I should have left.”

Malfoy looked at you. He was so close. So awfully close that you could smell his spearmint shampoo. And there was something else … something beneath that fresh scent. He smelled like sex. You smelt it before, you realized. But this time … this time it was because of you.

“Why didn’t you?”, Draco finally asked in a low voice.

“I couldn’t.” You were trapped in his gaze.

“Why?” He moved his hands slightly and they brushed against yours. Your breath shuddered.

“Because I keep thinking about -”, you trailed off.

“About what?”

“What you said that night.” The words were barely a whisper. You were scared he might have not understood you, unsure about whether or not you could repeat them.

“Do you want me to turn it into a reality?”

Your heart began to pump faster in your chest, you were scared it might jump out of it. The second the question left his mouth, you knew the answer to it. Your body knew the answer to it. The way, the hair on your arms and neck stood up, told you.

It would be like an itch. You would scratch it once (maybe twice) and then it would be gone. Forgotten. You could go back to hating him and finally start grieving your lost relationship. Your breathing hitched when he tilted his head and his eyes dropped to your lips.

“Yes,” you said.

Your lips collided and the world stood still.

You felt his hands on your hips immediately, pulling you closer to him, as his lips worked tirelessly against yours. When they parted, his tongue slipped into your mouth and it swallowed the soft moan. Before the war, before he became a Death Eater, there were rumours floating through Hogwarts passed by giggling girls and jealous boys. How many times did you hear Pansy swoon over the way he kisses, the way his lips taste against hers? Countless times. And yet, nothing could have prepared you for this.

He was leading and it came to no surprise to you. You lost yourself in him, all the doubts and anger and embarrassment from the past days faded away, and all that was left were his lips against yours. His hands found your hair, tugging on it sharply to expose your neck. You whined when he traveled down to kiss the sensitive skin on there.

“Fuck,” you whispered as he sucked on the skin before abruptly pushing him away.

Draco looked up, visibly confused. You smirked, your hand still on his chest, as he walked backwards until he felt the bench against the back of his legs. You pushed him down and straddled him, your skirt riding up your thigh. When you let your hips roll against him, you heard it again - the same low moan from the night before. It resonated within you, causing you to press yourself tighter against him and deepen the kiss. You felt his erection and an ache began to grow inside of you. Just feeling it like this … you could imagine how big he truly must be. You wanted, no, you needed to see it, feel it, taste it. 

His hands searched for the hem of your skirt and you felt his fingers trailing up your thigh. “Not yet,” you whispered and playfully pushed them away. Keeping your eyes locked, you slid down his lap and in between his legs. A smirk spread to his lips as you unzipped his pants.

His cock sprung free, fully erect and dripping. You gulped at the sight, your panties dampening. You reached for his shaft and Draco let out a sharp hiss when you gave it a few good, hard strokes. His breathing became ragged and when the look in his eyes darkened, you leaned forward and licked over the length of his cock. Your tongue circled over the top and you moaned when you tasted the salty precum.

“Tease,” Draco mumbled and you chuckled.

“Tell me what you want me to do,” you whispered in response.

“I want you to take my cock in your mouth,” he said, “take it like the - ah, fuck!”

Your mouth closed around his shaft and he let his head fall back. His eyes fluttered shut as you began to bop your head up and down. You couldn’t take him all in so your hand pumped him in the same rhythm as you sucked him off. Moans and curses escaped his lips. “I knew there was a reason why I wanted to fuck you all this time.” 

You moaned around him, the familiar ache growing stronger and stronger inside of you. It was the same sensation you had felt the night prior. But now you weren’t forced to stand aside while he fucked another girl - now you were the one making him tremble. Draco’s hand found your hair, guiding you.

You gagged when his cock hit the back of your throat and he cursed. “Good girl,” he was out of breath, “sucking my dick like the good little slut you are …”

You looked up at him through your lashes - and you thought he looked beautiful the night before? Well, this was truly a sight for the gods. Seeing him staring down at you, his blonde hair hanging down messily, his eyes dark with lust - if your panties weren’t completely soaked before, they sure as hell were now.

You sensed that he was close. His legs started to tremble, he tightened the grip in your hair, and then he abruptly pulled you up. If you had it your way, he would come inside of your mouth. You wanted nothing more than for him to release himself inside of you as he fucked your mouth. Draco had different plans. 

He got up, his clothes falling to the ground quickly, and pushed you against the locker room wall. You licked over your lips before his mouth claimed yours again in a hungry kiss. He ripped at your blouse, buttons clattering on the ground. His hands explored your body, grabbing and squeezing and then he finally, finally, slipped underneath your skirt and panties. You moaned loudly when his fingers teasingly stroked over your wet folds.

“Oh, you’re soaked, darling,” he chuckled cockily.

“Shut up and touch me already,” you shot back.

“Your wish is my command.” You felt the smile against your skin and then pleasure exploded inside of you. His fingers circled over your clit, stroking, teasing, flicking over the sensitive skin and your moans turned into whimpers and pleads and begs. With every movement of his hand did he push you closer to the edge. You were so close, so fucking close - Draco stopped.

Your eyes flew open in anger but then you felt him pressing against your entrance. He looked at you, his grey eyes searching for something in yours - you nodded. The simple sign of consent wasn’t enough.

“Ask for it,” he growled.

You snorted. “What?”

His thumb flicked over your clit once more and you moaned. “Shit,” you managed to get out breathlessly. “Oh, fuck me, Malfoy!”

His cock pressed against you. You would just have to buckle your hip and he would slip inside of you. “I said,” his hot breath sent shivers down your spine, “ask for it and say my name!”

You whimpered. “Please, Draco, please will you fuck me? I need you.”

He thrusted into you in one swift movement. Your walls stretched around him and it was almost too much. The pleasure almost bordered on pain, but gods, if this wasn’t the most delicious pain you had ever felt in your life. He gave you only a little time to adjust before he started pounding into you.

“You have no idea what you did to me last night,” he whispered in between sloppy kisses. “When I saw you …”

“It was so fucking hot,” you said, another loud moan escaping your mouth as he sped up. For a second you were scared someone might hear you and come in but the thought got chased away when Draco groaned in your ear.

“I forgot all about her, I only thought about fucking you. The look in your eyes … let me see them …”

His hips stuttered when your eyes met. Your body arched against him when he shifted, hitting that sweet spot from a different position. You didn’t think it was possible for you to become even wetter but slick juices ran down your leg. “I thought about you tonight,” you whimpered, “touching me … taking me …”

It was true. When Draco and Pansy had left the Astronomy Tower and you were up there all alone, a moment of weakness overcame you. The pleasure inside of you had grown too strong and in the haze of the aftermath, your body craved release. You came silently, the image of his grey eyes staring at you still in your mind. Shame had followed quickly. Shame and embarrassment by what you did.

“Fuck,” Draco groaned before he loses all control. There was nothing sweet or slow about his thrusts anymore - he fucked you violently, took you as he pleased. His hands gripped you so tightly, you knew it would leave bruises but the sharp pain was drowned out by the pleasure. It built and built inside of you; your legs started shaking and then you heard him calling out your name before the orgasmn rolled over you like a wave. You held onto him desperately, cursing loudly as you came all over his cock. Draco followed shortly after, pounding into you, moans escaping his throat, until he finally released himself. Warmth spread inside of you and you shuddered.

Your breath trembled as you rode out the last waves of the orgasm. When Draco pulled out of you, the sudden emptiness allowed a last, short whimper to escape your mouth. He lowered you to the ground carefully, before sitting down next to you.

You leaned against the wall with your eyes closed. When your breathing calmed down you turned your head towards him. He looked at you, his chest rising and falling steadily.

“I understand the hype now,” you said after a few more moments.

He raised an eyebrow. “The hype?”

“Around you,” you make a vague gesture in his direction. “I understand now.”

Draco snorted. “I’m flattered,” he said dryly. “But this wasn’t my best work.”

“It wasn’t?”

He shook his head.

“Then what is?”, you asked curiously.

“Get under the shower and I show you.”

***

HP Masterlist 

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#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x reader smut #draco malfoy smut #astrids fics

[themattress]

Battle of the Seasons

Gotham: Season 1 vs. Season 2 vs. Season 3 vs. Season 4 vs. Season 5

Let's take this season by season, shall we?

Season 1 has a different style to it than the rest, being more of a grounded, gritty police procedural with cases-of-the-week (or two weeks) while both an overarching mob drama and an overarching mystery (who killed Thomas and Martha Wayne?) play out on the side. This is a frustrating season for me because this style could have worked - if I gave a damn about a majority of the characters, and I just don't. I don't care about Jim Gordon, Harvey Bullock, Sarah Essen, Barbara Kean, Selina Kyle, Ed Nygma, Kristen Kringle, Leslie Thompkins, Ivy Pepper, Commissioner Loeb, Mayor James, Harvey Dent, Renee Montoya, Crispus Allen, Fish Mooney, Sal Maroni, Carmine Falcone, Butch Gilzean, Victor Zsasz or many other of this city’s miserable people. They're either boring, annoying, or utterly unpleasant, which means that I often found myself watching the show out of obligation rather than truly enjoying it. 

The exceptions to the rule would be the young Bruce Wayne and his hardass yet caring butler Alfred Pennyworth (and Selina whenever she's around them, as the chemistry she has with them really brings her character to life), and, of course, the show's breakout character: Oswald Cobblepot, the man who will become the Penguin. David Mazouz, Sean Pertwee and Robin Lord Taylor sell these roles so perfectly that I just couldn't look away from the screen whenever they were on it. And while I love Oswald the whole series through, I do need to mention that this is the only season where he comes off as legitimately intimidating to me: his murderous rage can be a little over-the-top but it's anchored with a patience and a calculated skill for manipulation that makes him a force to be reckoned with as he climbs the ladder of power all the way to becoming the leader of Gotham's mob (”I’M THE KING OF GOTHAM!!!")

Season 2 is split into two distinct halves, with 2A being the "Rise of the Villains" story arc and 2B being the "Wrath of the Villains" story arc. Very quickly, it becomes apparent that the show has undergone a massive improvement - not only is it more serialized than procedural-based which ends up working better for it, but many of the characters I didn't care for are gone now, and most of the ones still left I'm finally made to care for: I actually like Harvey Bullock, Barbara Kean, Selina Kyle (on her own, not just w/ Bruce and Alfred), Ed Nygma, Ivy Pepper, Leslie Thompkins, Butch Gilzean and Victor Zsasz now, and they are now complimented by even more great characters like Lucius Fox, Nathaniel Barnes, Theo and Tabitha Galavan, Jerome Valeska, Silver St. Cloud, Bridgit Pike, Victor Fries, and Professor Hugo Strange. 

The only weak link remaining is, ironically enough, the lead character himself, Jim Gordon. Maybe this character would have been interesting if he was someone else, but I never buy him as the future Commissioner. Ben McKenzie's try-hard edgy performance doesn't help.

In terms of the story arcs themselves, I like them both but much prefer "Wrath" to "Rise".  "Rise" deals with Theo Galavan's rise to power in Gotham, with it revealing that he is actually the chief agent of the Order of St. Dumas, a secret society that desires the death of "the son of Gotham" - namely, Bruce Wayne. Most of what I like about this arc comes from the side stories and character development; I never really got into the central plot thread. James Frain, while good, doesn't hold the same villainous presence here that he does in, say, Elementary, and given how obviously evil he and his sister are it got tiring to see them score win after win over the good guys until the last minute. Also, certain interesting characters such as Richard Sionis, Jerome Valeska, Silver St. Cloud, Bridgit Pike and Butch Gilzean are shamefully wasted. Lastly, early into the arc the show actually makes Alfred unlikable, and since he's one of my favorite characters from the first season, that really hurt to watch.

"Wrath" deals with Professor Hugo Strange and his insidious secret experiments in Indian Hill, an underground division of Wayne Enterprises beneath Arkham Asylum that holds the key to the Wayne murder mystery. This arc just seems to flow together more smoothly than its predecessor, its contents are the type of overarching mystery I'd wanted the show to explore since the beginning rather than all the diversions from false leads, mafia wars and religious cults infiltrating the city's political structure, it provides pay-offs that I'd long been waiting for, and Professor Hugo Strange as played by B.D Wong is the perfect Big Bad. My one quibble with this arc is the decision to resurrect Fish Mooney at the end - I never cared much for her, she had a good enough ending in Season 1, and the revived, superpowered version of her ultimately accomplishes jack-squat in Season 3 before dying again anyway.

Season 3 is just one story arc, centering around the conspiracy of the Court of Owls that secretly controls all levels of power in Gotham, but its first two thirds go under the title of "Mad City" while its final third goes under "Heroes Rise". There is a good reason for this, as the events of "Mad City" see things at their bleakest yet for the forces of good in Gotham, with the forces of evil seemingly unstoppable, which makes the turning of the tide in "Heroes Rise" all the more gratifying. It’s a textbook “it’s always darkest before the dawn” storyline.

I greatly enjoy this season. There are certainly some flaws here and there - Jamie Chung's Valerie Vale is done dirty, I still can't get invested in Jim Gordon no matter how hard the show is trying to make me, and the way the writers drive a wedge between Oswald and Ed is some of the worst writing the show has ever had - the break-up ultimately needed to happen, but it didn't need to happen like this! However, so much more is done right here: the Court of Owls' portrayal, Bruce's further development, Bruce's creepy doppelganger Subject 514A aka the future Owlman, the show's depiction of the Mad Hatter and how pivotal he ends up being to the plot, Captain Barnes’ descent into madness and becoming the Executioner, Selina and Ivy just being awesome both individually and together, further great comedy from the likes of Harvey Bullock and Barbara Kean, the more interesting usage of Carmine Falcone via his "legit" son Mario who in turn helps Lee become even more interesting, the return of Jerome Valeska as the Beta Joker, Ed fully transitioning into the Riddler, Oswald finally embracing himself as a "freak" and ultimately getting his revenge on Ed, and the finale which introduces Ra's Al Ghul (played to perfection by Alexander Siddig) as he engages in a Batman Begins-style plot where he unleashes a virus that threatens to make Gotham tear itself apart.

However, there is one major drawback for Season 3...in spite of all this great stuff, it ultimately amounts to just being more set-up. And as such, all of the big dramatic conclusions that are reached by the end get completely reversed early into the following season. Bruce and Alfred have a rift with Selina? Mended shortly into Season 4! Bruce has dedicated himself to being a vigilante? He'll walk that back soon enough! Oswald is back in power and owns the Iceberg Longue? Not for much longer! Ivy works for Oswald? She'll be done with his shit by the end of the Season 4 premiere! Ed is frozen? He's thawed out a mere three episodes into Season 4, and the negative effect to his brain from being frozen don't even last! Lee leaves Gotham in order to escape her dark side? Nope, she's back in the city and her dark side continues to grow. Butch and Barbara are dead? Aha, they're both back alive! The loss of big characters like Nathaniel Barnes and Fish Mooney? Never mentioned again! And of course, there's the presence of Ra's Al Ghul and the League of Shadows as the group behind the Court of Owls, which just goes to show that despite all the build-up, the Court of Owls was never truly the end-all be-all force of evil in Gotham, so this show ain't over yet.

Season 4, "A Dark Knight" is kind of Season 3's equal yet opposite. There is a lot of stuff in it that doesn't quite work for me, moreso in the execution rather than the conception - Alexander Siddig as Ra's Al Ghul credited as a regular and yet only actually showing up in the first few and last few episodes, Oswald being betrayed and losing all of his power again, Ivy Pepper's long-awaited transformation into Poison Ivy taking ten whole bloody episodes, Ed's severe case of Badass Decay and pointless romance with Lee, Butch's transformation into Solomon Grundy not lasting or amounting to anything important which makes me question why it even happened, the Sirens being formed and also not lasting or amounting to anything important, Bruce's long period of being unlikable (far moreso than even Alfred's period back in 2A), and the Beta Joker only turning out to be the Beta Joker because his twin brother whom we'd never seen or heard of before shows up to become the real Joker!

However, there is also a lot that does work for me - Harvey Bullock finally ascending from just comic relief and having some well-executed character development as he clashes with Jim, Lee's arc of becoming the leader of the Narrows, Oswald's touching relationship with a young orphan boy and his reconciliation with Ed, Ra's Al Ghul whenever he is around, Professor Pyg who is equal parts terrifying and comical and played masterfully by Michael Cerveris, Sofia Falcone who - being a sociopathic master manipulator who even manages to serve Jim a permanent and well-deserved defeat - is hands-down one of the most brilliant villains the show has ever had, and the perfectly-done sense of escalation and excitement throughout the second half of the season which concludes in the best season finale in the series' history, where the good guys contend with a team-up between Ra's Al Ghul and the Joker. And that's what Season 4 has over Season 3 - it builds to a true climax for the entire show's story, almost everything that goes down in the end is permanent (emphasis on almost - looking at you, Lee and Ed), and it retroactively makes the lack of pay-off in Season 3 and the less-than-desirable parts of this season worth it. It made me grateful for sticking with this show.

Season 5, titled "Legend of the Dark Knight", is the show's final season, and its biggest strength is also its biggest weakness - it is a truncated season, lasting only 12 episodes. On the one hand, this is perfectly appropriate - the Season 4 finale was the story's climax and there's not much left to do, so having roughly half a normal season's length for the falling action and wrapping up of all loose ends makes total logical sense. But on the other hand, there are certain ideas for plotlines and character arc resolutions that end up feeling incredibly rushed due to the shorter runtime. It feels like they are rushing down a long checklist rather than allowing anything proper breathing room. Also: yes, a lot of Season 3 and Season 4 clearly borrowed from Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, but they did it in clever ways. This season shamefully rips off The Dark Knight Rises by having a plot inspired by the No Man's Land storyline from the comics, a big focus on the relationship between Bruce and Selina, the main hero (Jim Gordon in this case) falling to his lowest point before rising again, the final battle being between the GCPD and Bane's army, and having the main villain be Bane except that he's actually working for the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul (Nyssa in this case) who was masquerading as someone else! Did the writers really think that they could outright cheat off of Christopher Nolan's homework and that viewers wouldn't notice!?

In the end, my ranking is Season 3 = Season 4 > Season 2 > Season 5 > Season 1. 

I think that Seasons 3 and 4 are equally strong but hold just the slightest personal preference for Season 3, Season 2 is also really good and mainly just suffers from its adequate first story arc being weaker than its more interesting second story arc, Season 5 is a middling season that somehow manages to be both the ideal conclusion for the show and a less-than-ideal conclusion at the same time, and Season 1 is the weakest due to all of the growing pains the show had to go through before it could become entertaining on a consistent level and make me care about most of its characters. On the whole, Gotham is a well-executed series. It’s far from perfect, but it could have been far worse....it could have been Smallville! (Cue rimshot!)

#Battle of the Seasons #Gotham #Opinion #Analysis #Comparison

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

#jabberwockytalkies #words #donna tartt i just wanna talk #the goldfinch #alyse watches stupid movies #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #larry decker #xandra #donna tartt #this book beat me up and took my money and my will to put up with men

[purplesurveys]

90

[Pause: Currently] What style is your hair in? 
It’s starting to become really hot in the afternoon so I’ve put it in a ponytail.

What’re you wearing? 
My outfit yesterday, a turtleneck and shorts. I’m too lazy to change.

What’s the weather like outside? 
No wind, just sun. It’s making me miserable. GIVE ME RAIN.

What time is it? 
2:23 PM as of this typing.

Who, if anyone, is in the room with you? 
I’m alone right now. Not my choice, but that’s what I’m stuck with.

What’s on your mind? 
That I have a midterm on Tuesday and should really get to studying now lol

What make-up, if any, are you wearing? 
I’ve stopped wearing makeup regularly. Come to think of it, I only really got into makeup because I wanted to look pretty in front of my ex…then I was able to ask her out again and eventually got too lazy to put in effort to use makeup anymore.

What month is it? 
It’s March! …and getting so much closer to the end of the semester. I’m excited.

[Fast Forward: Future] What career do you want? 
I want something that wouldn’t give me the draining feeling I’ve been getting in school for a while now. I don’t want a prison, that’s all.

What age do you think you’ll get married by? 
I always wanted to get married by the time I reach my late 20’s. I don’t know about that now, though.

What about having kids? 
Still around the same age, ideally. But then again I also always want my money to myself and be able to travel, be independent, and not keep a close eye on a kid 24/7, so I’m a little torn.

What age do you plan on moving out? 
21-22.

Can you see yourself moving away from here and if so, to where? 
Yeah, I’m not completely ignoring a move to another country. It’s possible. But I don’t mind ending up still in the Philippines, albeit in a different city. In the end all I want, honestly, is to cut off ties with my mother.

Do you think you’ll marry your current significant other? 
It’s ridiculously early to ask…for now I’m the one entirely okay about marriage; excited about the idea, even. My girlfriend is rather closed off to it. But I do think it’s way too early to bring up a conversation like that and I’m not going to be sitting her down to talk about it any time soon.

Do you know what the weather is supposed to be like for the rest of the week? 
Not specifically, but I know it’s only going to be warmer from here.

What tattoos and/or piercings do you want in the future? 
I wanted so many tattoos. I wanted to put on my thigh, ankle, wrist, at the back of my neck, my fingers, etc. until watching my mom get tattooed totally destroyed that goal of mine. I turn into a wuss at the general concept of anything piercing my body, so I had to say goodbye to piercings too :c I wanted to get a lip ring so bad.

Do you want any cosmetic surgery sometime down the line, if you had money for it? 
No. Imagine all the pizza I can buy instead.

In ten years, how old will you be and where do you see yourself? 
I’ll be 29 and Gab and I have a lovely little place to call home. We’ll also have a golden retriever we’ve named Theo and hopefully I’m so much happier with life by then.

[Rewind: Past] When’s the last time you took a shower? 
Yesterday.

What was the last text message you sent? 
"I miss you"

What did you do yesterday? 
I went to my one class for Friday running on two hours of sleep because I worked nearly all night for a news report project that I soon found out wasn’t needed until next week, so that fucking bummed me out. I drove to Gabie’s early so I could sleep in my car, then I drove her home where I stayed for a bit. We played games on each other’s phone till the sun set, then decided we wanted to watch a movie. I eventually realized we weren’t going to end up watching anything because we were only critiquing EACH AND EVERY FILM that we skimmed through on her hard drive like the film nerds that we are. We’re pretty great.

How old were you when you first started dating? 
I was 16.

When was the last time you saw your best friend? 
I saw Gab yesterday, and Angela I last saw about three weeks ago, at a friend’s debut.

What was your first word? 
No clue. My parents didn’t care enough to track it.

What’s your earliest memory? 
When I was three, my parents set up a kid’s tent in mine and my sister’s room to do pretend camping. That’s my earliest one and can’t remember anything before that.

Do you remember what you were doing twelve hours ago? 
Passed out in bed. That was 3:04 AM.

Three years ago, did you dress the same way you do now? 
Not really, but it’s not drastically different from what I wear today. 2014 I was obsessed with Audrey Hepburn, so all I ever wore out were little black dresses, summer dresses, skirts, flats, etc. Right now I can’t say my style is super defined because I would wear anything, as long as they match and make me look cute ha.

How old were you when your first younger sibling was born, assuming you’re not the youngest or an only child? 
I was two.

[Eject: Stuff You Wish Didn’t Happen] How did your first serious breakup go? 
A mess. I was so mad and was even made madder by the fact that she didn’t seem to be the least bit sorry for what happened at first. There was zero interaction made up for with endless subtweeting, and it was just silent rage all around. I wrote her a letter some time after expressing everything that was in my heart and head and that seemed to slap all the sense right back to her. We are now dating again though so it’s all goodski HAHAHA

TW// Have you ever had an eating disorder? 
Nope.

TW// Have you ever cut yourself? 
I have, yeah.

TW// Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide? 
Yes, and yes.

What was the last thing you cried about? 
I get triggered by the smallest things, so when I was asked to run errands in a very rushed manner this morning, I comletely lost it and had a good cry in the car.

What’s one thing that’s stressing you out like crazy right now? All the requirements being asked of me by all my classes.

Have you ever had a horrible teacher and/or boss? 
It couldn’t get any worse than my history prof last semester.

The first time you dumped someone, was it hard? 
I’ve never dumped anybody.

[Record: Awesomeness That Deserves to be Recorded on Video Forever] When was the last time you laughed really hard and what was it about? 
Yesterday morning! Gab and I were having breakfast at Jollibee when I started playing with the filters on her Snapchat. We got to the face swapping option and quickly filled the area with our noise because we were laughing sooooo fucking much.

What was the last funny movie you saw? 
No clue. I haven’t seen anything new in months.

The last time you ate something really delicious, what was it? 
A goddamn plate of risotto. IT NEVER FAILS

The last time you got your paycheck, how much was it and were you satisfied with it? 
None of that just yet. Hopefully soon!!!

How exactly did you and your best friend meet? 
Gab in 7th grade, Angela in the 1st.

What was the last compliment you received? 
I was told I smelled nice.

What’s one thing you wish you could relive just for one day? I wish I could replay the night I went to my WWE show, but with better eyeglasses because I saw dirt shit that night.

[Play: From This Moment On] Now that you’re done, what will you do? 
Maybe look for something to eat. Then take another survey.

What’s on your agenda for today? 
Surveys surveys surveys then hopefully get the drive to start studying for my soc sci midterm.

What’s your next meal going to be? I’m not sure. I’m craving for pasta though ;(

Will you change your clothes later in the day? 
Maybe change out of this annoying uncomfortable turtleneck, yeah.

Who do you plan on seeing today? 
My dog.

Are you going to take another survey afterwards? 
Maybe.

Is the weather supposed to stay this way all day or will it change? 
Yup. The sun never goes away here, unfortunately.

Do you have any chores you need to do? 
I did all of them this morning.

Do you have work later in the day? 
Hahahayeahdon'tremindmeplzsurveysaresupposedtobemtgreatescapefromthingsplzplzplz.

What about any homework to do? 
SAME THING

#surveys #survey