#there are certainly problems with Industries being unethical I will not deny that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

foreverseveredthoughts · 5 years

Text

Why We Lie and How to Stop

By Lisa Firestone Ph.D

There’s a scene in the movie “Something’s Gotta Give” that simply and succinctly captures one reality about the truth. After catching the man she loves on a date with another woman, Diane Keaton is chased out of the restaurant by a guilty and distraught Jack Nicholson. When he finally stops her, he pleads, “I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.” She replies, “The truth doesn't have versions, okay?” And that’s the truth. The truth may have many sides to it. It may be complicated or hard to understand, but it exists… in one version. Yet, most of us have trouble with the truth. We may not be outright liars, but we certainly shade the truth to make it fit more comfortably into our lives—to keep it from disrupting anything from our careers to our relationships to our afternoons.

In her research, Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. found that people lie in one in five of their daily interactions. Pamela Meyer, author of Liespotting, claims in her TED Talk that we’re lied to from 10-200 times a day. It’s important to consider: how honest is the world we’ve created around ourselves? How often do we ourselves tell lies? And, on the flip side, do we intimidate others in ways that might encourage them to shade the truth?

It’s common for people to only say the parts of the truth that they feel are acceptable or that they think people want to hear, leaving the full truth hidden away. They may lie by omission or tell “little white lies” that paint a very different picture of reality. It’s no surprise that these lies don’t just hurt relationships, they can outright destroy them. Even lies told in the name of protecting others can leave you feeling pretty bad about yourself, because you don’t feel like an authentic, strong individual when you aren’t being honest. Here are some examples of the many ways people lie and how these lies hurt them in all areas of their lives: Controlling a Response—When you talk to a close friend about an interaction with a co-worker or lover, do you only tell your side of the story? Do you leave out a small but significant detail about something you brought to the table? Do you rephrase the less desirable words you said in the moment? Think about how these subtle changes may influence your friend’s attitude and response. Are you just getting your friend to say what you want to hear? In the end, how authentic is their response if you strategically manipulated the outcome?

When you control a response by shading the truth, you create an alternate, agreed upon reality between you and another person. You then get advice that may be based on faulty information. Plus, you deny yourself the value and integrity that another person's true opinions might have awarded you. Lying by Omission—Ever complained to someone that you aren’t losing weight without mentioning the Grande Frappuccino you downed as an afternoon snack? Everyone has times when they leave out less desirable details. Sometimes you do this to be sensitive or to spare a person’s feelings, but sometimes those details matter, and you know it. For example, if your partner asks what you did that day, you may not mention that you wound up running into an ex and having lunch. Maybe you try to conceal an ongoing flirtation with a co-worker. These may not feel like acts of deceptionto you, but imagine how your partner would see them. Whether there’s nothing to hide or something real you’d rather they not know about, leaving out significant facts will make you feel shady and create a hotbed for further deceptions. On the other hand, creating an environment where you can be open about these things will promote a feeling of mutual trust and honest communication. Exaggerations—People's insecurities about themselves may lead them to try to preserve a certain image of themselves, and they may experience a need for approval from others. However, when you exaggerate or don’t represent yourself honestly, you are left feeling like a fraud, which further hurts your self-esteem. There’s a fine line between highlighting your attributes and completely inflating your abilities. At work, you may promise to finish a task you know you won’t be able to complete on time. You may exaggerate to a boss when it comes to your progress or skill level. Doing this will lead to trouble when, most likely, your actions will fail to match your words.

At times, you may lie to compensate for guilt. Parents often do this with their children, missing a soccer game, for instance, then promising they’ll show up at every game for the rest of the season—only to disappoint again soon-after. It’s hard to hide a broken promise, a missed meeting or a poor performance. Exaggerating deems you untrustworthy. Your words start to mean a lot less when the reality doesn’t match up. Plus, you may never believe that you’re being chosen or cared about for who you really are.

Self-Protection—Too often, people are coached by an inner critic to not express directly what they want or feel toward other people. You may have a guard up that tells you not to be too vulnerable. You may downplay your emotions or act like you don’t care, because you don’t want to feel or look like a fool. But defending yourself with deceptions or false portrayals of who you are will drive you further from your goals and will likely prevent you from getting what you want in life.

Gossip or Covert Communication—Gossip is an epidemic. It’s in every household, office space and coffee house. It’s a booming industry taking over our media. The biggest problem with talking about someone behind their back is that you may flat out deny these observations when face-to-face with that person. You can see how this can be harmful to your relationships. A true friend or loved one should be someone you can talk openly with, someone to whom you can offer feedback and welcome the same in return.

Another problem is that gossip breeds cynicism and destroys compassion. It’s a nasty way of indirectly dealing with real observations or competitive feelings. When you favor direct communication over gossip, you become a more genuine, compassionate, not to mention appealing, person to be around.

Some people believe you need lies to survive in a relationship. I would argue that this is untrue. Misleading a person distorts their reality and makes them feel crazy, which is one of the most unethical things you can do to another person. So what can you do to be more honest? You can begin by being honest with yourself.

First off, you can stop listening to your “critical inner voice.” Shading the truth often comes from listening to an inner coach that’s not on your side, that instructs you to self-protect by telling you things like you can only be accepted if you say the right thing or don’t really reveal yourself. In relation to your boss, it may tell you, “You’ve been messing up lately so make your boss think you solved this problem without the help of your co-workers.” With your spouse, it may say, “Don’t tell her you forgot her birthday; it will only lead to a fight.” In relation to a competitor, it may advise you, “Don’t let him know you think he’s talented. Don’t let your guard down; he’ll just use the truth to hurt you.” By getting to know this inner critic, you can separate it from your real point of view and act against it.

Next, you can take chances on the people you care about by being a lot more honest and direct with them. You can find healthy and considerate ways to express yourself and to be sensitive to the other person’s sense of reality. The truth may not always be easy to hear, but in the long term, you will earn a lot more trust and respect from the people whose opinion you value the most.

When it comes to the truth, it’s important to think about whether you want people to trust you. Do you value integrity and want your words to be reflected in your actions? If you commit to these attributes on a behavioral level, you’ll be better able to gain trust and live your life with honest, open communication. This world may not be perfect, nor the truth always easy to take, but you can find peace and freedom in the security of knowing that the world you’ve created around you is as real as it gets.

Original Source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201309/why-we-lie-and-how-stop

#personal #thoughts #lying #how to stop

0 notes

ibloggingkits-blog · 7 years

Text

New Post has been published on Blogging kits

New Post has been published on https://bloggingkits.org/the-beauty-of-getting-old-is-that-it-is-natural/

The beauty of getting old is that it is natural

Once upon a time, the consolation for reaching center age turned into being allowed to go cheerfully to seed. What bliss, in a way, to in the end permit your self-pass; throw away the hair dye, purchase a bigger length, forestall feeling terrible about in no way doing any workout, and gratefully surrender the pretense of maintaining up with fashion or song. Simply throw on a cardigan, and allow it all dangle out. Liberation certainly. But times have modified, and the generation newly rebranded as “midlife” — so much much less frumpy-sounding — is no longer any such comfortable region to cover.

Welcome to the world of the new antique, in which the over-50s are nearly as closely bombarded as their teenage youngsters via a recommendation on staying leaner, meaner and hotter for longer. Mimi Spencer, writer of the notorious 5:2 weight loss program e-book — the only that had all of us, from George Osborne to Benedict Cumberbatch, fasting for two days every week — is back as co-writer of a new recipe book for the over-50s, which seems to boil all the way down to no longer many energy plus a whole lot of “anti-getting old” turmeric and flaxseeds. The point of her Midlife Kitchen regime is, she insists, no longer so much conventional weight loss as defying the slowing down, spreading out and softening up that historically comes with aging bodies. And it’s testament to her unerring eye for a fashion that you could barely open a ladies’ magazine or Saturday supplement without stumbling across a few faintly onerous new strategy for defying the inevitable — all illustrated through pics of what appearance suspiciously like 20-something bodies, with abs so taut you could trampoline on them, spiced with anti-growing old suggestions of on occasion dubious medical provenance. Will the arrogant superfood-munchers start to resent deciding to buy those who don’t consume sufficient avocado or flaxseeds? devour extra walnuts! Raise weights! Research a new language, and don’t forget about to do sudoku to maintain your brain active! The self-improvement enterprise is moving on from 100 different approaches of pronouncing “don’t get fat” to something more like “don’t get old”, or at any rate, no longer in a burdensome manner. For its miles starting to experience almost delinquent, with Britain’s Country wide Health Provider visibly creaking at the seams, not to combat the demise of the mild.

As soon as we would have visible the painful, chronic diseases of vintage age as unavoidable twists of destiny or genetics. But the growing proof that even situations like dementia — let alone diabetes, most cancers or coronary heart disorder — are at the least partially related to food regimen and exercise brings a creeping experience of obligation. Striving to stay younger became Once taken into consideration useless. At this price, it may begin to look more like saving for a pension: A prudent investment in a comfy antique age (especially whilst we’ll all want to work for longer), and practically an ethical obligation to folks who might otherwise need to appearance once you. Final week, a examine became published suggesting that having a “brain age” — basically a degree of ways well your gray cells are conserving up — older than your chronological age may suggest which you are vulnerable to death younger.

That opens up the opportunity of a take a look at that may in future be to be had to every circle of relatives preferred a medical doctor, allowing them to predict fairly optimistically, which in their center-aged patients are risking extreme contamination in the event that they don’t smooth up their act. It sounds unethical for doctors not to share know-how that might, in concept at least, prevent premature deaths, But the problem is less simple than it appears — now not least because so lots of that maximum at threat ain’t always need to realize. I felt faintly ridiculous traipsing to the surgical procedure for my over-40s MOT — a unfastened NHS check-up now provided to all and sundry in that age bracket, to select up early warning signs and symptoms of situations which include high blood strain — whilst there’s not anything wrong with me.

The nurse admitted that most of these taking the check come to be revoltingly healthful. The people who smoke, the overweight and the heavy drinkers are frequently reluctant to absorb the provide for worry of being told something lousy. So instead, she sees greater than her honest proportion of “concerned wells” and men in Lycra, desperate to get a gold megastar for cycling two hundred miles (322km) each weekend. The greater without difficulty identifiable the causes of untimely getting older and contamination, in the meantime, the greater the hazard of unpleasant public blame video games.

These days’ pensioners can hardly ever be held answerable for behaviour they never knew was so volatile, However in years to come may want to the smug superfood-munchers — who’re statistically much more likely to be wealthy — start to resent paying for the effects of what they see as other humans’ failure to devour enough avocado and flax seeds? Willingness to pool risk through the NHS — which is predicated on anyone chipping in thru taxation because none of us is aware of whilst we might need its services — may start to appearance very fragile. It’s scary stuff, that is precisely why most people opt for not to consider it.

Less difficult to make a indistinct mental notice to absorb going for walks someday, and then cheerfully neglect all approximately it. However human information of the getting old system is converting, and that in turn will necessarily trade what it manner to be middle-elderly. Like free college schooling, embracing the elasticated waist with out guilt can be one of these pleasures that die with the infant boomer generation. And actually, we should be grateful for it. know-how is electricity, and it’s certainly higher to have greater manipulate over our fates than we idea; to recognize there’s something we will do to stave off the feared prospect of decrepitude — although it’s Easier for a few to acquire than others, and even if it’s no longer assured to paintings.

If the chance of existence-lengthy devotion to soya beans and the treadmill is much less than exciting, the chance of brittle bones, diabetes or an impoverished early retirement on Health grounds is infrequently hedonistic. And who might deny the over-50s a proper to their personal energy, to not being put patronisingly out to grass? However pay attention the factor wherein the self-development industry realises that feelings of inadequacy and frame shame no longer have an age restrict, and that there’s gold in them wrinkly antique hills. There’s a first-class line among being pleased on the manner someone like Helen Mirren is breaking down expert barriers for older women, and being made to experience horrific for not searching like Helen Mirren did at 62 in a bikini; among rightly looking to live healthy, and feeling beneath completely unrealistic stress to stay warm. permit’s hope age nevertheless brings the information to recognise the distinction.

Find out the manner to Hold Stunning natural Skin Let’s accept it. To be able to Keep Lovely herbal Skin you have to use products that comprise the proper combination of ingredients. Locating merchandise that have the right balances of healthy, natural ingredients had to come up with tender & Stunning Skin can be tough, due to the fact the fact is that there are only a few companies that make such formulas. most organizations provide formulas so as to do little if anything on your Pores and skin.

Stunning natural Pores and skin is stored that manner via the use of formulas containing all herbal elements in them. Plant primarily based elements are observed in the great of these products, due to the fact they include residences which cause them to greater effective at repairing your Pores and skin. They are full of antioxidants and important nutrients that your Pores and skin desires so as for it to remain wholesome.

Clearly tender & Beautiful Skin can be made even softer by the form of oils, extracts, and waxes which might be utilized in making these formulation. Plant primarily based oils and waxes extra intently resemble sebum, which is the oil of the Skin, in texture than any herbal compounds regarded to exist. it is a disgrace that greater products do no longer contain elements along with these.

The majority of the products which are available will not assist you to Hold Lovely natural Pores and skin, and in reality ought to doubtlessly rob you of it. these merchandise are advanced using chemical substances as ingredients, and these sellers could really prove negative for your Skin. The worst component of the selection of components in those merchandise is that they will additionally be unsafe in your Fitness.

these products not most effective are ineffective in treating gentle & Stunning Pores and skin, However they had been linked to several Fitness related issues. The components and preservatives determined in these products have the capability to have estrogenic effects on the frame, and purpose nervous device disorders, and organ toxicity. One organization of preservatives especially has been related directly to breast most cancers in women.

For Beautiful natural Skin, stay with the plant primarily based merchandise that offer you extracts consisting of Phytessence Wakame, that is a spinoff of a kelp range best found in the Sea of Japan. This compound prevents the breakdown of the hyaluronic acid to your Skin by rendering the enzyme that usually attacks it inert. more hyaluronic acid will make your Skin appearance younger.

Some other element that works right in conjunction with Phytessence Wakame is Functional Keratin. That is a aggregate of keratin proteins that offer you with tender & Beautiful Skin by way of stimulating the manufacturing of the cells vital for forming new collagen and elastin. The addition of a more amount of those critical tissues does wonders on the subject of erasing strains and wrinkles for your Pores and skin.

Make no mistake approximately it. For Stunning herbal Pores and skin it’s far all inside the ingredients, like I said. If you need your Pores and skin to be in the quality form feasible, and also you need products that may not affect your Health, then provide the formulas with the anti getting older miracles that I described. those are the type of merchandise that everyone must be the use of.

0 notes