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rseteerfetfre · 3 years

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It's unclear whether the change in styles leads to faster race times

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dimidarling · 3 years

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Vent under cut

So I ordered a print from three va’s on the 6th, the type they sign live on a stream. It was impulsive but I just really really wanted it, so I went for it. It was super expensive so a big splurge for me, which ofc meant I was an anxious mess because while I could afford it, spending that much money is stressful and I don’t have a job at the moment either, so I’m depleting what I have saved…

For the special instructions I asked for something generic (doodles) because I’d never done this before and was too embarrassed to ask for something more specific (I have a crush on their characters so I wanted to ask for like… compliments or pet names or some shit), but I didn’t know how much room they’d have and felt bad writing out something long in instructions. But after watching the stream for a while I realized everyone was asking for doodles AND rlly specific stuff and felt immediately deeply anxious because I could have asked for what I really wanted and just fucking didn’t, like I felt so so stupid and anxious and heartbroken bc I couldn’t edit my message to add instructions and I just totally fucked it up so mine was forgettable and generic and not what I truly wanted to have written…

But the mod on stream was keeping an eye out for people who wanted stuff added, they had a list for edits but asked ppl didn’t add themselves bc it was already a long list, and I didn’t feel my edit warranted smth as major as that. So I wrote out a message to send when they got to my print, hoping the mod would see it and excited and anxious overall for them to get to me. They did streams from 1:00-8:00 on Sundays and Mondays the last two weeks, which means I’ve spent four days watching these because I can’t focus on other stuff while I’m trying to listen for my name so I just. Knew those four days would be unproductive time sucks and was ok with that because I wanted so badly to see them sign mine and do the edits.

I’ve had TREMENDOUS anxiety about it, two days initially that I barely ate bc I was such a wreck and felt awful and anxious and sad and nervous and generally like shit. But things calmed and I was like ok they haven’t done mine yet, it’ll be fine. But today I just got an email saying shipping for it has been scheduled, which should only happen after they’ve signed it. So now I’m a wreck all over again because I may have somehow missed myself,, Which means I’m back to square one of feeling bad for spending the money on this, and not maximizing the opportunity with my stupid fucking vague instructions rather than what I really wanted, and heartbroken at the idea I somehow missed them saying my name and signing and doodling on my print. Like, it sounds so trivial and stupid and dumb but I’m genuinely such a mess and have been a mess over this on and off for the last two weeks straight. Watching livestreams drains me, but I wanted so badly to get my edited message on there and see them sign mine I’ve spent all four streams there when they’re live, which has been approx. 28 hours. This has fucked me up anxiety wise a ton and the reassurance I had is suddenly in doubt like. What if they did sign mine and I somehow missed it??? I genuinely don’t kno what I’d do because so much of my time and energy and anxiety has gone into this or happened bc of this and I wouldn’t get what I rlly genuinely wanted from it…. I just feel so stupid being this worked up over something trivial and stupid for getting the print and not giving more specific instructions, god. Anyway….. Tomorrow one of them is having a solo print signing stream and I’m gonna ask there if they’ve done mine since my name is recognizable enough that hopefully she’d remember…. I’m hoping so desperately I haven’t missed it… but it’s one print in hundreds so I feel so bad wanting more from them when they’ve done sooooo many signings and I’m like. Inconsequential in the long list of ppl who bought prints…. Anyway no final words on this just that I’m sad and anxious and feel embarrassed and stupid for feeling this way over something like this cause I genuinely don’t kno how to talk abt it to people and conveying how deeply this is affecting me without sounding like idk. Making a big deal out of something dumb. It just sucks bc ONE THING. Would have prevented almost all of this, and it’s writing in instructions for what I genuinely wanted. One thing. But I can’t edit it or turn back time and it’s infuriating bc if just that one thing was different my anxiety wouldn’t be nearly so bad. It taunts me and makes me feel even worse lmao

#vent #don’t rb #I wish so desperately I could get another print or cancel this order and re order it #but I can’t do either because of the company policy (understandably) not allowing edits or cancellations before you’ve received the actual #print #and it was so expensive I can’t afford a second one ofc #anyway #I just feel awful and embarrassed as hell #idk what to do tbh #might uhhh draw or something idk #it’s also late at night so too late to nap but maybe I’ll go to bed early so I don’t have to think about all of this anymore

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