#they're both significant traumas but one is an interruption of the way you thought the works works

[thedreadvampy]

vaguing a post that's on my dash that I don't want to engage with (as usual) but actually no CPTSD isn't a diagnosis for 'when things were a tiny bit bad a lot' or 'if you experienced relationships that were toxic but not abusive' it's a diagnosis describing the impacts of CONTINUOUS TRAUMA. not less significant but more frequent trauma; trauma which is ongoing/continuous/recurring in developmental years.

like I'm not trying to gatekeep here and I recognise the value of saying 'it doesn't have to be a Single Big Obvious Trauma' because one key thing about CPTSD is that generally it makes traumatic incidents Your Normal so you don't necessarily view them as unusual or concerning. but I often see people talk about CPTSD as if it implies smaller individual incidents than PTSD and that just is not the case.

most experiences I have seen people be diagnosed with CPTSD for (myself included) are not 'a little bit toxic'. they are things which, each incident taken separately, an outsider would still recognise as traumatic - medical emergencies, rape and sexual abuse, significant physical violence, emotional abuse and coercive control, homelessness, severe poverty, war, torture, etc - and the thing that makes the PTSD C is not the relative level of the trauma, but the fact that it's enough of a repeated and consistent pattern, at an early enough stage, and sufficiently embedded in everyday life, that it becomes a person's baseline for 'normal'.

CPTSD is not a synonym for emotional microtraumas or cumulative trauma or 'death by a thousand cuts'. It's specifically defining the psychological differences in response to long term formative trauma as opposed to traumatic events which you process as an aberration (eg the difference between regular violence against you from trusted adults in childhood vs being physically abused for the first time in adulthood with existing experience of healthy relationships). Traumas causing CPTSD tend to be pretty similar in type, scale and severity to traumas causing standard PTSD - they are just more embedded and normalised earlier in life.

all this to say there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that cumulative microtraumas can't affect us in traumatic ways. there's nothing wrong with pointing out that there's a broad range of types of trauma, and trauma can include stuff like growing up marginalised or ill as well as abuse, war, injury or immediate loss. there's nothing wrong, too, with acknowledging that a lot that is traumatic doesn't necessarily feel traumatic to you.

but like. no. CPTSD is not a diagnosis for people whose trauma wasn't 'big enough' for PTSD. CPTSD is not cumulative microtraumas. CPTSD is a response to formative macrotraumas or to a long term traumatic situation without hope of escape or change and if you want to talk about microtraumas then do that but it's not what CPTSD is!

#red said #this has really pissed me off sorry I've seen several people post things like this #so this post just tipped me over #but like. goddamn. cptsd is not microtrauma. #and there are benefits to encouraging people to think of things as potentially traumatic before they're ready to register them as harm #but imo that's counterbalanced by the fact that again a major part of CPTSD for a lot of people is that we Think Severe Trauma Is Normal #so i do not think it's USEFUL to AGREE that CPTSD is a diagnosis describing the buildup of Small Normal Microtraumas #when it's generally a response to LARGE HORRIFYING trauma that KEEPS HAPPENING #listen ok so PTSD might describe an adult's response to being posted into a warzone or having their home unexpectedly attacked #CPTSD might describe a child who grew up in a warzone and struggles to feel safe into adulthood bc they have no experience of a safe world #they're both significant traumas but one is an interruption of the way you thought the works works #and the other is the only lens you have to view the world through #but crucially NEITHER ARE MICROTRAUMATIC AND THAT'S NOT WHAT THE COMPLEX IN CPTSD MEANS

[pianocat939]

tw//suggested domestic abuse

May I request a yandere rise tmnt with a reader who's in a toxic/abusive relationship they're trying to get out of? Maybe they go to the yan for advice/help or the yan finds evidence of the abuse? Thank you and don't feel any pressure if this isn't something you're comfortable with!

(Have a Yan Leo edit cuz I felt bad not having a banner)

Ah another day of writing yan turtles reaction to MC having trauma-

Ok so I was originally going to do one with all of them and then I thought that would make more writing messy (especially on the time crunch I'm on) so I decided to do a small little piece with Mikey and Leo, since I think those two match well together in terms of yan traits (ngl they're opposites but in an odd way it works out).

Tw: mentions of toxic relationships, some perhaps uncomfortable touching (it's just clinging onto the arm and shoulder), read with caution please-

Indulgent Glorification

Mikey and Leo were playing games in the arcade, with the pair competing against each other on who would get the new high score yet. So far, Mikey was winning: to Leo's dismay. The arcade lights glowed onto their faces, making their expressions look more dramatic than it already is.

"Oh, Leo~! Guess who's about to take the new highscore~?" Mikey teased in a sing-song voice, not taking his eyes off the screen not once; not letting himself slip from losing the chance of having bragging rights. His hands gripped the controllers tightly, almost to the point if he put any more pressure, the contraption would surely break.

Leo huffed and his eyebrow muscles furrowed more, intent on claiming the win right before his younger sibling did. He smirked cockily, "Oh just wait little 'Angelo, I will beat you so hard you'll want to hide in your shell out of embarrassment!" He presses his fingers down on the buttons harsher, his fingertips burning from the pressure of his jamming.

Just then, a voice interrupts them from their gameplay, "Hey guys...Can I ask your opinion on something?" They stood at the entrance of the arcade area, their body language looking anxious, fearful even.

As soon as Mikey noticed their nervous form his face immediately contorted into a worried frown and he rushes up to them, putting a hand on their shoulder. "Are you ok? What happened?" The game he was playing with Leo was long forgotten, with his entire attention solely on the person who entered, Y/n. His entire mind was swirling with panic for his divinity.

"Wait hey-" Leo swore as he also lost the game, with both him and Mikey not being able to beat the high score. He then stood up and sauntered over to the other two, his face relaxed but holding a serious vibe. "What can me and my hermano help you with bab- I mean mi amigo?"

As the troubled person started to speak of their agonizing experiences with their significant other, the two brothers couldn't help but become more bitter and concerned with every word that flows into their minds. They wanted to take revenge on this disgusting bug, they wanted to murder them so brutally that they would wish they never even thought of speaking and doing such horrible actions.

"So, what do you think I should do with them?" They ask, their head tilted to the side slightly in hopes they would get an answer they could work with to get out of the torturous situation.

"Well, I think telling them your thoughts and feelings is one thing if you haven't already done that. Then proceed to state of you want to split because their behaviour is just something you can't deal with," Mikey replied in an honest statement, using his knowledge of emotional intelligence. He was going to make sure this process was as least painful as possible for his beloved divinity. He clung to their arm to provide them with some comfort, and also for his own self-indulgence.

"And what if they don't let you leave? Or threaten to do something if you do?" Their tone became more dreadful as they spoke, revealing their extreme uneasiness of the situation.

"Leave them. And if they try to do anything, we got your back." Following his words, Leo pats their back, occasionally stealing a little caress with his finger. His demeanour then changes, back to his cocky self, except in a darker atmosphere than his usual attitude. "Look, if you ever need help from them, you can always come to me. I'll always be here, always." His eyes widened slightly at his words, making his smile more maniacal.

Mikey tightens his grip on their arm, nodding to Leo's words. "Yeah, if you ever need something from us, we're always here to help you. It's my duty as your friend, your best friend." His tone slowly transformed into something stern, almost possessive-sounding if one were to listen carefully.

The two turtles were practically clinging onto them now, with an unhinged glint in their eyes.

And just like that, from a toxic relationship, they walk into a bloody, obsessed, friendship romance with the turtles.

——————————————————

I cranked this out in an hour, so it isn't really polished, but I hope it suffices- (I forgot I had to do an assignment before tomorrow morning so I decided to do this real quick-)

- Celina

#rottmnt #tmnt #yandere rottmnt #yandere tmnt #yandere #yandere x reader #rottmnt x reader #tmnt x reader #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #Tmnt 2018

[minalblood]

So the cancellation anouncement came 😞 but Imma still be on my bullshit and doing my rewatch. I hope they're able to shop it around cuz I'm way to invested in these characters now.

But back to our shit. Episode 6 Art of Dying. It's honestly one of my favourites as well, this time focused on Lata aka the Dean mirror d'jour. It's very significant that Dean's voiceover here speak of who the actual monster is and when does that line begin to include you. Because fuck knows he's one of the few people who can actually fully speak on this, having gone through every iteration of monsterhood on the show. So for this episode I'll get a bit into that if y'all don't mind: what is a monster in supernatural. Now that's a broad question so let's break it down a bit. We have monsters as species (aka anything non human in spn case) and monster as behaviour/moral value ( anyone at all and henceforth refered to as monstrous to make a dif when talking). Sorry for all this, I happened to write my bachelor's on this topic so I've many thoughts about it ( but won't be delving into that today). Now Dean has been both at various stages (though personally I'd argue the monstrous has been more sparce for Dean) and has seen people become both (including loved ones). And it's both that we'll be seeing in this episode as well tho whether one person will inhabit both is another question we'll round back on.

It is interesting as well that this is one of the few episodes that have Dean's voiceover at the beginning and the end of the episode.

But let's return to Lata, who while Dean is giving us forshadowing and heartache, is trying to do her meditation and is unable to because of Carlos and John bickering in the next room. As fun as the scene is, I do find something to pull at with it, because it's, at its core, an oversimplification of dealing with trauma while hunting aka you try to but there are always interruption, always more important things to take away your focus so that, much like Lata here, you end up worse off then when you started. Fun line to add here, John saying "I'm not obssessed, I'm thorough" could literally be his life motto because this line just encapsulates his general approach to ... most things tbh but trauma certainly and as discussed, the trauma he's had pushed to the surface in ep 4 has yet to be dealt with and, moreover, he's actively pushed it to the side to help Mary deal with her own trauma in ep 5. So at this point John is in the same both as Lata, in need of an outlet and not having been able to process anything due to interruptions. But unlike Lata, who is trying to cope as best as she can, John is hyperfocusing on the task at hand despite not having any leads as Carlos makes clear. Carlos who has actually been working toward progress on the Akrida front because they have contacts they can approach and avenues for more information to take. John has neither, he's not been doing this enough time to have built any connections like that (and in spn we know he chooses not to built any connections like that with very few and often quickly fading exceptions). God I love that both Lata and Carlos give him two different choices in how he could deal with his issues. It's been a constant open helping hand from them and Mary and John has pushed it aside everytime. It is deeply frustrating to see but also very much in character.

Deanna mention! Eyyyyy!

Tracy is Mary's equivalent to Dean's Lee. Like sure the relationships are wildly different but both Tracy and Lee ultimately represent the same thing for Mary and Dean, hope for a normal life without hunting only to have that dream crushed because of the way both Tracy and Lee went about achieving it, through monstrous means in both of their cases. They are both the exception to the rule (they got out) while simultaneously acting as a cautionary tale about how far should you go to achieve your goal/dream. And while Carlos says they were being dramatic in the Pilot about how hunters end up, it was still the truth, so much so that Mary was shocked to realize she actually does know someone who, as far as she knows so far, got what she wants. And John has to point this out to her. So again, it's the exception to the rule not the norm and in this case the exception isnt even fully accurate because of how Tracy left things.

Another fun fact I thought bout while grinning like a dumbass whenever Carlos spoke this episode? It's their general approach to hunting that has kept them alive this long ultimately, the "mellow out" that John was so pissed about, the "how much weed you could grow" comment. It tells me that while Carlos clearly understands the urgency and pressure and responsability of hunting, they also know not to get lost in them, not to consume themselves trying to solve a case. Carlos, it seems to me based on what we've seen, has learned very early on that things being taken seriously does not mean you have to torture yourself if you can't do something right that instant. Something the Winchester's have never really been able to do. It's made clear multiple times that Carlos does remember the people they weren't able to save and the people they personally lost, but at the same time, that loss and those past failure have been used as a learning platform, get what you need outta that experience, deal with it, then move on as much as you can, put all those experiences into being better in the future, there's no point killing yourself over something you can't change, you just learn to do better going forward. And while Carlos treats things seeming without any seriousness, I've been mentioning every episode how in truth they are the ones who've been behind the scenes, putting (likely very stylish) boots to the ground, a perfect counterpart to Lata's intelectual work. They may act irreverent, but they certainly do the job when it's necessary.

"Kill or be killed" is how Tracy sums up hunting life and while Mary, Carlos and John all have some degree of resignation/grief about that statement, Lata's reaction is different. And we of course know why, shes a pacifist, she doesn't kill, can be killed sure, but hasn't so far. This episode Lata feels most like an outsider to her friends because is she a hunter? By Tracy's definition she def isn't, by Samuel's definition she like isn't either and ofc Mary in the Pilot def didn't think she was hunter material. But this is overturned by the end of the episode (will add thoughts then)

*cannot believe I've written this much and only watched 7 min of the episode*

And speaking of Carlos again to prove my point! Mary, Lata and John are checking out the body and then Mary notices Carlos isn't there. Turns out they just took off a bit to investigate on their own and brought back a vital piece of the puzzle, a claw. Once more Carlos is putting in the work, doing it flawlessly all while also finding the space to make jokes. It's honestly this trait of theirs that most reminds me of Dean.

I love the funeral scene 🥲

I will say it is much more spiritual and culturally significant that what we have in spn, but we've seen close-enough funerals on spn. We see it with John's a bit, despite the focus there being complicated mess of feelings about what John's last words were. We have Asa Fox's funeral that is very much making clear there is a hunter's culture and it's important and we see it with Cas', the reverence with which Dean wraps him up in 13x01.

There is something else significant about the funeral scene though. And it's the illusion shattering for John. I think he'd likely convinced himself when he found out about Tracy and after the convo in the van that actually hunting isn't that dangerous, see people can get out, Carlos was just dramatic. But the funeral and the fact that there is a ritual to it for hunters made it real for him and made him aware of the danger Mary has been and is in every hunt she goes on and that no matter how good you are ("Darla was one of the good ones" has multiple meanings here) you are not imune to death.

Tracy having completely removed everything related to hunting is a perfect parallel to spn!Mary and her having done seemingly nothing to prepare for the 10 years coming up (Tracy has been out of hunting for 10 years too btw)

I love that Lata talks about her concerns with Carlos, that she doesn't keep it in. And I also love that they don't give her empty platitudes as a response. It shows Carlos genuinely listened to her and took it in and is considering her stance.

Anton!!! Yesssss!!!

The way Carlos freezes after just shit talking Anton omg. The pure disaster bi vibes are immaculate! And it's still less disaster then Dean and Aaron 😂

Deanna mention once more, she's maaaaybe in Minnesota or was recently. Deanna and Samuel have separated in the past, something Mary seems surprised by. Samuel was the one to go get her back which is intereting here, with Deanna being the one to leave the home... so in this case Samuel is a Mary mirror and Deanna is the John mirror (think Dark Side of the Moon Mary and John). But like I said before, the Winchester-Campbell romantic relationships seem to have always been fraught with a on again off again vibe. I'd like to mention Sam and Dean both count here as well ( think both Cassie and Lisa and Cas, even Benny, for Dean, Sam and Eileen obviously, even Sam and Amelia work here tbh, we might've seen it with Jess had she not died since we know Sam was lying about who he was to her)

I do like Tracy's advice to Mary though, she should look out for number one, herself, but there is a way of doing that without having to step on corpses which is where Tracy fucked up.

I love and hate this thing in Anton's shop, I see it everytime it's on screen and it always startles me. Sorry, entirely left field but yea... it haunts me so... y'all have to see it too

John really thought he was doing something here. He has been dying to make this case somehow related to the bigger picture he is in fact obssessing over, but in doing so he jumps to conclusions. Not a good look, jumping in thinking you're right without having all the info, especially with hunting where having the wrong info will get u killed (read spn!john was a shit hunter teacher/leader to Sam and Dean because he withheld info)

"Mac was impatient and took of after it" John hears Tracy tell them and decides to just do the same shit... goddamn.

I appreciate Carlos patching John up, cuz medic! Wish we'd see more of that.

I adore it when Lata is enjoying her morbid curiosity about monster physionomy. Cuz I get it! And Anton being the same is soo fun. I also have to give her props for how she saved Carlos there, gave them an out since they're really all over the place with Anton. But in doing so she kinda revealed a bit about herself. I hope the fact that Anton's reaction to Carlos being "squeamish" was to be understanding probably on some level helps with her own issues regarding where she fits in as a hunter.

The sheer joy on her face at the ectoplasm is just soo fun!

I love that Mary confrunts John here, and I say confrunts but really what she's doing is checking in and trying to offer her help, giving him another option to deal with his shit, in addition to the ones he got from Lata and Carlos at the beginning of the episode. And once it's clear he's not willing to listen and may pose a threat to himself and them, because he isn't thinking through his actions, thats when she brings up taking a break. She does get him to talk a bit. Ohhhh, I love that she hears him mention the funeral and what he thought about it and rolls her eyes. Because she has tried to make it clear from the get go what the stakes are, she's never had the benefit of ignoring the life and death of hunting so John coming here suddenly claiming to be spun out because of that is not just ridiculous, but almost insulting, that he's essentially putting his behaviour on her. Absolutely love that scene. But the moment John says he isn't joining, I knew he was going to do the stupid thing.

Ok, we're getting into the Mac of it all and that usually gets me fired up so let me just mention this about it: Tracy and the others thought Mac was paranoid bout them attacking him so they decided to ... and here's the kicker... attack him. Thus validating his worry and completely proving him correct aka Mac cannot be described as paranoid, Tracy, because paranoia requires irrationality and you fuckers attacked him exactly like he feared thus rationality.

More about this : Mary is correct when she says Tracy lied. Tracy said Mac ran impulsively after the soucouyant and the cave in just happened, that was a lie. Not a lie by ommision (tho that too is still a lie), but a true complete lie, and def not a "didnt tell you everything" situation. And here we get into monster/monstrous territory again with Carlos saying they've been hunting the "wrong monster". And I do genuinely believe that when Carlos refers to monsters, they do so as monstrous aka the behaviour makes them monsters not anything inherent to their species.

Ah, "wielded him like some kind of weapon". Lata really summed it up perfectly here. And the contempt on her face and in her voice are exactly how I feel about it ( and about how Dean was treated throughout, Sam and Cas and Jack too tbh) I also adore that Tracy keeps trying to rationalize her (and the other's) behavior but no one is buying it. Appreciate that a lot.

"Started a farm and played make-belief" is also a very important line because yea thats what she did, but more importantly, that's to some degree what spn!Mary herself tried to do. Moreover, the story makes it clear that Tracy actually does not understand Mary's reasoning for quitting hunting at all. That distinction is important. And the similarity between spn!Mary and Tracy's situations is also important. Because while spn!Mary was planning on leaving hunting, it was ultimately the fact that she lost everyone tying her to hunting that actually got her to leave, not a choice she made for herself, but rather one made for her when Azazel killed her parents and John, her only choice then being to revive John to be able to move forward in some way. John also made it easy to play make belief as well which helped. But even then Mary didn't actually kill anyone, it wasn't that kind of guilt that made her quit hunting. But it was still the consequences of hunting and choices she made while hunting that led to her death, much like Tracy nearly dies here.

Sooo yea, I am very very mad about what they did to Mac and I will continue to be.

God, John you are so dumb.

The fucking handprint on the barn door of the soucouyant is soooooo Something Wicked Striga vibes and I hate it, but John is behaving similar enough that the tiny call back is relevant af here.

I will say, it is very important I think that while they did recognize the similarity to Mac, Mary, Lata and Carlos instead chose to offer help to John, multiple times, each in a dif way. And on a macro scale, I also wanna say the way the show tackled this is important to me, because like I've been saying, John here is very spn!John and as I've said before, I kinda hate John in spn a lot. But even with the parallel drawing from Mac and my being angry on behalf of Mac here, it doesn't detract from the fact John is and has been (and technically will be if nothing changes and spn happens) fucking up. Pretty badly. But it is never brushed aside or excused. He is offered help, yes, but he is also challenged and confrunted when he goes overboard or tries to rationalize his own behaviour. Mary makes it clear she won't stand for him using her as an excuse not to deal with his bullshit, but she is there for him anyways. Ultimately, John is both a Mac mirror and a potential Tracy mirror here, the way Mary is an imperfect Tracy mirror. It's not 1 to 1, it can't be, but it's the ways it compares and contrasts them that make it so interesting to delve into.

Another fun thing, Mac is very clearly only after the people who hurt him, he pushes Carlos outta the way, but doesn't kill him. He only tries to attack Mary because she keeps preventing him and even then he tries to just push her outta the way.

I love that Lata doesn't try to say she knows what Mac went through, because she can't possibly, but she can let him know what she's been through and allow him to make the coice for himself whether he thinks she understands him or not, whether he needs to keep the cycle of violence going or not after he listens.

In other news, Lata's story here, after knowing what happened, is so much more interesting because while yes, her hitting her father after what happened to Sonia was a response of her anger and it did have the consequences of him responding to it by taking it out on Sonia, part of that anger I think also has to do with Lata leaving without Sonia, something she did also out of anger. It was both these things that cost Sonia her life. So Lata is right that letting urself drown in anger until it consumes you is wrong and there is a choice to be made there. But Mac is also correct in that their stories are different enough that there are other things he needs answers to. Because that was the thing with Mac, he needed to understand why they did what they did when he trusted them.

For all that I've shittalked Tracy the last few paragraphs, her parting words to Mary are the whole point, cuz yea, it wasn't the hunting that was the issue, it was Tracy's decisions that compromised her life outside of hunting. Tho I will say, I personally dont think returning to hunting is the only way she could've made up for things, that was another choice she made. Because ultimately what's done is done and no good you do going forward will erase the past. But also, no bad you did in the past can erase the good you do now. So it's less about hunting, more about Tracy asociating hunting with doing good and thus alleviating her guilt. She could've found something else to do that would've put good into the world, but this was the one she chose/preferred.

Oh Carlos, I love you for having actually taken the time to answer her question afterall. Also love their friendship soooo much. The very thoughtful moments and the ones when they bicker.

John making progress is soo nice to see. It's so good that it's not just him saying Mary was right, but actually offering a bit more information to her, opening up. And then trying to do something about it all by joining Lata. It's an odd feeling being proud of John Winchester, usually my thoughts about him are that I wanna punch him in the throat. And there was plenty of that in this episode tbh, more than the 1st 3 ep of the show had, but I don't actually mind the pride either. It's sth about people changing and being willing to try that gets to me.

I do love the symetry of the end of the episode. The meditation, Dean's voice over, the interruption. It reinforces what Lata said, it is a choice. One she makes everyday, even with the interactions, even with the world's fate being in balance, even with cases like the one they just did hitting waaay to close to home. Still she chooses to try again and again despite them, for herself and her own happiness.

See y'all for ep 7 I guess and still hoping for a season 2 cuz I'm way too invested in these characters not to want more.

#spn #dean winchester #spnwin #the winchesters #john winchester #lata dar #carlos cervantez #mary campbell #spnwin 1x06 #spnwin rewatch #spn meta #save the winchesters