#trying to figure out how to paint more dynamic and vibrant shadows

[mikeartblogyear3]

Week 12

The continuation of the work which I might call “How do I release you?” 

It’s being pieced together slowly, and is completely afraid of colour at the moment.... I never know what to do with such vibrant things, they seem to already be so formed and finding a way to access it and move it around is really challenging. 

The dots and lines are trying to play their own way, but I do like the areas that harmonies with the background the most. There’s a strange push and pull to creating a landscape that looks one way, but is also something else. I didn’t want anything to be settled and ready to change at any moment. 

Maybe that’s what I wanted to showcase... that state of change. Being someone that knows how to live in that space of things constantly moving. It’s definitely someone that I want to build towards 

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Research:  

I was given this recently from a friend and found it could be apt in some ways to somehow tie into my research. 

I’m finding it very similar to other various philosophical texts on witchcraft.  

This section in particular... the unifying and accepting of the inner and outer states is very much the nature of witchcraft - externalising and pairing external objects and recipes with emotions and finding some semblance of connection. 

I read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath last year and this reminds me of that novel, but with The Bell Jar I feel that I highlighted the inner entirely and was questing to find that external link but was never able to. 

Artist Research: 

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Semester overview: 

I want to spend some time in this space just going over the work I did this semester and attempt to see it with a bit more clarity.... 

I started my falling into a minimal space with Fallen Aurora. I wanted to focus my attention on a simple landscape setting and attach as much of myself to that space. I kept the structure of building and the terrain as simple as possible, and instead focused my attention on the flow of gradient. Narratively I kept the scene relatively minimal as well, a depiction of a person watching an aurora fallen to earth. I enjoy creating scenes that asks questions rather than answers... I prefer to live in that state of exploration and want my work to hopefully elicit that reaction in the viewer. 

This minimal scene continued with “Will I die before I figure it out” ... another graphite scene that depicts a figure lost in a maze and has now accepted their surroundings as their new home. I wanted the structure again to be minimal and the figure to be almost a shadow. This piece was intended to be placed in the middle of a much much larger circle, but I ended up making an irreversible mistake in the spray painting room and destroyed it completely. It was to appear as a focal point, as if looking at it through a telescope, somewhat voyeuristically. 

My practice became excited with narrative/ creating a short story in a surrealist way and how I could go about doing that. It was a really confusing and experimental project and I still haven’t defined it to one thing. Initially I wanted to draw three pieces that linked in some way that I hadn’t decided on during the initial sketching. As I continued with it it kept speaking to me - are they sisters or is it the same character that’s changing. Behind the creature in the first image is a home, and I feel like it reflects my struggle to see myself outside of the family dynamic and then the journey of individual structuring, the sword in the head being a masculine battle energy - piercing the inner sanctum of the character. The last image is afloat and looking more serene, perhaps contemplative or now more content with having fought for personal understanding. the three spaces on the bottom reflect images found in the top three- the rock being found in the third picture up above, the string from the red, and the third in black I never found. A lot of this project is still a question in my head, but I found that keeping the initial space of containing the story in a triple sketch meant I could relax more to viewing how it wanted to grow. 

I didn’t know how to access the previous piece anymore. I felt like there were too many parts that didn’t know how to connect to one another and I could sense a slipping pattern in me, so I jumped out of it and creating something more illogical and automatic. This is definitely in line with my love for surrealism... I just wanted to focus on creating a space to play in. I quickly did a layer of spray paint, but then focused most of my time applying lines and dots to the scene. The minimalisation I’ve been building on felt a bit empowered here. I felt less pressure in constructive a visual when I only had to think of applying one dot and line at a time and not the image as a whole. I didn’t know what was being made and I went along with that unknown element. The pairing of positive action gave me a feeling of desire to expand... away from logic I could just enjoy. 

This piece showcases what I wish to delve deeper into with the continuation of my practice. Art is my way to finally be reactive, to not heavily judge a decision, to live without being plagued by heavy thoughts. I want to celebrate life and be in it and not spend all of my time contemplating it. 

Lastly I wanted to end the semester with the hope of illuminating my main desire for my practice. To develop a space where I can feel and be connected to. I can’t find that anywhere else, so I need to appreciate and respect it. I wanted to express the basic space of lines and dots again as they seem like the beginnings of a much more detailed piece. I wasn’t concerning myself with creating it to look in one way, but allowed the unformed to be much apart of the scene as the formed. A shifting landscape is what I desired to capture, one that is ever changing but vibrate and alive. 

Also, side note: experimenting in colour felt so uncomfortable and weirdly difficult to navigate, but it just meant that I had to fight harder to move out of that. 

Conclusion: 

I got stuck a lot this semester with my practice. I didn’t know how to attach and keep myself collected on it, and that has affected my ability to explore. Through it though I have developed an understanding that I prefer - questioning and analysing after the piece has revealed itself, as opposed to killing it with overthinking even before it has stepped out of my head. I want to strengthen this process more and feel confident that it’ll be enough for the viewer/audience. I still retain my graphite drawings as I need them whenever I’m feeling uncertain. I fall into their flow and allow myself rest in that space. Ultimately though I do want to just get better at making in an automatic way and build the ability to externalise more confidently. The minimalising has given me a small room to think about all of this. 

[wasabi-gumdrop]

a lil blasty boy speedpaint 🧨💥

#wasabi doodles #bakugou katsuki #colour theory is so hard to learn (''''': #trying to figure out how to paint more dynamic and vibrant shadows #bnha

[heechulhamster]

Stubborn and Stupid - Chanyeol

PARK CHANYEOL x Reader

College AU!, Angst, Fluff (Yes, here I am again with my Angst fics)

Somehow, loving him was all you knew. Your love for him was already innate to your being, a part of your identity, the only thing you know is right. And you are willing to wait for him. But does he want you to wait for him?

I listened to Bestfriend by Rex Orange County while writing this! I realized that it’s kinda similar.

4554 words

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It wasn’t a good day for a fight. I mean, technically in your moral code no day was ever good nor bad enough to cause a messy confrontation. Yet here you are, in a locker room confined enough to cause cause claustrophobia in front of one of the feistiest people in campus. Well, the adjective was subjective as she usually seems friendly to the people she wants to be seen with. But obviously, you’re not among those people.

It was already unoften for you to be in a fight, moreover to actually cause the fight. Yet that was exactly what happened here.

“What are you standing there for? I thought you were brave enough to start a fight? Cat got your tongue?” Yeseul mocked you.

Yeseul is the girl he likes, or currently pursued considering the kind of guy Chanyeol is. And Chanyeol is, well, the man you loved to say the least. He’s always been the man you loved and you’ll continue loving.

Chanyeol is your childhood friend, you lived next door to each other. Your parents were close knit friends and you were bound to be one too. Except for the fact that as early as when you were 9, the friendly touches and hugs you and him shared weren’t too friendly in your perception anymore. Each connection lingered, the feeling of his skin on yours sent shivers to the farthest reaches of your veins. It was with him where you experienced the wonderful blossoming of a young heart’s first love. And he was your first heartbreak too.

You were too obvious, the red tint that painted your face when you hung out. The sudden awkward air that envelops the two of you whenever he’s around. It was like red paint on your forehead, ready for him to read, “IM MADLY INLOVE WITH YOU PARK CHANYEOL!” Not a lot changed since then, and you don’t know if it’s for the best or for the worst. You still were extremely close friends, despite your openness on your admiration for him. It was good that he didn’t see the need to avoid nor drop you, but it’s also sad that he always seen you as a friend, and only that.

The actual change of dynamics between you came during the latter part of high school. When the Gods of puberty hit Chanyeol pretty damn good. His lanky physique turned into that of a Greek deity. Every head turned to Chanyeol’s way whenever he walked down streets, hallways, or corridors. And eventually, you two just fell apart as friends. It was all too common of a teenage story, two best friends falling apart due to the imbalance of popularity and diverging interests.

But you stayed madly in love with him. Which got you in this situation.

“Try and cross me again…” Yeseul started and tugged your hair that was tied on the back of your head. You quickly retaliated and pushed her to the locker behind her, an action that caused a large thud.

A large figure suddenly casted a shadow towards the both of you. You quickly glanced at the locker room door and there he was, the root and main cause of all of this, Park Chanyeol.

“What the fuck?” As expected of him, he quickly rushed to her side and his hands reached out her back that collided with the lockers.

Yeseul, like an Oscar award winning actress, almost instantly cried and pushed her face onto the nook of Chanyeol’s neck as he consoled her. And with the glare he was giving you, you knew what his perception of the situation was - that you’re the evil one in this scenario. So you didn’t even bother to speak up, hurriedly grabbing your bag from behind and walking away from the ill fated room.

Since the last years of High school, you and Chanyeol haven’t been in the best of terms. Enter college and you were nothing more than one of his admirers, one with deeper feelings and more vibrant past with him. You’re still there for him, occasionally giving him gifts just because you wanted to and it felt right. You still supported him in his basketball games, still attended the dinners and parties his parents invited your family over. There were times that you’d catch up, usually during the few periods of his life that he didn’t have a girlfriend nor he was pursuing someone. But as soon as the missing slot in his life becomes filled up again, you quickly fade from his radar. Yet you’re still here, supporting and caring and loving him. Because loving him was always a feeling you didn’t hold back. To you, despite everything that happened - or the lack of any happening between you and Chanyeol, he still deserved all the love you could ever give, and more.

You had no other classes for the day, so you’ve decided to just go home and chill away all the negativities that filled your mind. You didn’t even think about Chanyeol would make out of the situation, your image to him had long been a done deal. He probably thinks that you attacked Yeseul in jealousy - which isn’t the case.

The contestants on the current season of Masterchef and their mouthwatering dishes was all in your mind as you lounged in your living room. But that peace was abruptly cut off by three knocks on your door.

“Care to explain to me what was that scene earlier?” Chanyeol blurted out as soon as you opened the door. To which you just let out a sigh.

“Do I really need to explain? I bet she told you all the right things already.” You answered in sarcasm.

“Yeah, apparently you heard her talking about me in the cafeteria and just threw a jealous fit on her.” He just towered over you as his hands rested over the door frame.

“Of course she told you that.” An unimpressed laugh came out of your mouth. “And you believed her.” -a declaration rather than that of a question. “You really believed I’d do something like that, didn’t you?”

“That’s why I’m asking you to explain!” Chanyeol lifted his hand and slammed it back on the frame in frustration. “You can’t just go and claim me as yours just because you’ve been crazy about me for the longest time. That’s just so fucking stupid of you, (Y/N.) Can you please stop annoying the hell out of me everytime?”

And that just took out the last straw of your patience and understanding.

“You know what, Chanyeol? Yes I’m so fucking stupid, man maybe I’ve got no wits at all for staying and loving you despite all the shit you’ve put me through all these years! Maybe I’m the one who’s stupid because I’m the only one who stayed for you, right? If I was smarter, I would’ve moved on a long time ago and went for someone better, not someone who treats me as shit as you do.” You snapped at him, which you almost quickly regretted as you saw the wide gape his mouth formed into. You’ve hurt his ego, for sure. But it’s a fair game as he hurt your feelings, one that he’s been doing for a good amount of time now.

Silence enveloped the two of you. You’re already thinking of apologizing, saying you didn’t mean anything in what you’ve said. But what’s done is done, words have been spoken and emotions have already formed.

“If it helps you to understand, yes I’ve heard her talking about you. But it wasn’t simply just a jealous fit. She talked about how she’ll only entertain you to get close to Seokjin in the basketball team. So being the stupid ass that I am that’s been crazy for you in the longest time, I fucking defended you for an awaiting heartbreak.”

You were protecting him from something he kept on doing to you for years. So much for being stupid.

“I’m…” That’s what’s all that escaped his mouth.

“Get off the porch, Chanyeol. Go take some rest. Don’t worry this will be the last time I’ll be annoying the hell out of you. Good night.” You wanted to say the common ending to your talks, you wanted to tell him that you love him despite knowing that you won’t get anything in return. But you just kept your lips closed and shut the door.

You remembered all the time you told him how much you love him. How you opened the deepest realms of your heart, letting him see how much you felt. How you’d look in his eyes as if it was the very vestibule of all the wonders of life, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You knew he didn’t see the same, that your eyes were just two of the hundreds that gaze at him at the same way.

You didn’t expect anything, in contrary to the popular belief in your college that you’d kill in cold blood to get Chanyeol to woo you back. You just loved him because that’s what you feel. You didn’t bother to restrain yourself on the wonderful feeling of adoring someone. Loving him felt right, as if it was something you were fated to do all your life. You just wanted Chanyeol to be happy and supported him in every step and action that was needed for him to achieve that - even in the cost of your own.

It was in the senior year of high school when he cried on your shoulder the whole night over the cheerleader who dumped her just because he didn’t have a nice car. How you caressed his back infinite times before the wells in his eyes finally stopped and just surprisingly leaned in and kiss you. You didn’t talk about it afterwards as it seemed that he didn’t even planned on remembering how he left you breathless and blushing after your first kiss.

Freshman year of college saw the night where you were both drunk, not enough to pass out but intoxicated enough to not decide properly. He brought you as a date to Jongdae’s party, one of his new friends with the same major. One drunk decision led to another and you just woke up holding each other close, both as naked as the day you were born and only clad in the thin blanket he had in his room. But then again, nothing changed between the two of you. You’re still madly in love with him, with only more reasons to hold on. And you were still his friend when it’s convenient, and a little bit something more when he needs to - but you were never his lover. Never the only thing you ever wished to be.

“Do you still love me?” He asked while you were both in the dusky path of a dream as you both lay on his bed. Another night where Chanyeol needed someone for assurance, he needed someone to be there, someone to fill his needs, and you were always the willing participant in his games. The willing recipient of his touch that failed to find a home, because it never wanted to go home to you.

“Of course I do.” You answered nonchalantly.

“How come?” His grip around your waist tightened as your back leaned on his chest while you laid on your side. Chanyeol’s breaths lightly fanning your hair due to the proximity of the both of you.

“I told you I’d love you until I can. I’d love you as long as I can feel. I’ll love you until you tell me you don’t want my love anymore.”

He never told you that he didn’t want you. Not unlike the others who he was quick to decline, the hearts that he didn’t even think twice to break. With you, it was like he was more careful. Maybe due to the reason of your long history, the friendship that you’ve built that has been slightly tarnished by immature teenage priorities. Or maybe there was something more, the one you silently hoped for.

You’ve told him before that he could reject you when he feels it right to do so. That you’d stop and drop every hope you have in your heart the moment he asks you to. But he never did, not once did he ask you to stop loving him. And nights like those where he held you close and kissed you as if he loved you back made you think that maybe he actually did. The nights where it felt as if he actually made love to you. Maybe he just couldn’t admit it to you, but maybe there’s a bit of love in his heart that sang to you. Because he never showed otherwise.

Yes there were times where he didn’t reach out because he had an ongoing thing with other girls. One of the endless sparks he experienced that were quick to die down. But even so, after those adventures, he’d always come back to you. You’re always the one he whispered sweet nothings to when he was broken. You are his constant light that never gave up on him even if he kept being blinded by sparks.

Chanyeol was all gentle and good with you, until today.

“Can you please stop annoying the hell of me everytime?” Pierced your heart like a pigeon shot in its flight.

Because you annoyed Chanyeol. Everytime. It came from his very mouth.

Was this the sign for you to stop?

A month elapsed since Yeseul grabbed your hair and you glasly pushed her hardly towards a cold locker. A month since you last talked to Chanyeol. Since that night, you’ve decided to stay away. To let him keep his silence and sanity, void of your incessant chatter, void of your love that he said he found annoying. You wanted him happy, and if that happiness means you steering clear of him - then so be it.

It was a good month for you, honestly. With checking up on Chanyeol’s happiness out of your daily agenda, you focused on yours. It was in that timespan where you realized that you relied a lot of your plans in accordance to Chanyeol’s path. You had an opportunity to go to a University in the city but declined when he told you that he wanted to spend college with you. That you’ll be a piece of home in the new waters you two will tread. An offer that you all too willingly obliged to.

A month was something wonderful for you to work on, for you to find out what you really wanted. Things that weren’t involving Chanyeol.

Over the span of your short life, you also tried and date others. You attempted to feel the same way you feel with Chanyeol. Maybe another hand can fill the gaps of yours and you’ll feel as whole as you did with him.  Perhaps you’ll see the same sparks in others’ the way Chanyeol’s make you feel. His large, dark, luminous eyes that never fail to behold everything about them. But nothing was ever the same. Nothing surpassed the way he could make you feel, despite the fact that he took the least effort in making you feel loved.

Today, it felt as if all the powers of universe and fate conspired to get you to talk to him again. You’ve already thought of watching his game tomorrow, a feat that you’ve never failed. But now, your parents asked you to give a shirt of his that got caught up in the laundry, for a reason you fail to decode. But nevertheless, you couldn’t reason out of it. And you knew that there would still be eventually a point where you need to talk to him.

If there was a competition or a national recognition for the dumbest people of all time, you could be one of the hall of famers. You just couldn’t stop yourself taking an extra step and baking a batch of his favorite cookies. You thought of it as a peace offering, despite the fact that the last meltdown between the two of you wasn’t your fault. It was his favorite, the boy needs a power up snack for the nearing basketball tournament.

Even you found yourself annoying.

With the box of cookies in your bag and his shirt too, you walked towards the campus basketball court after classes. You used to go here often, watching him train and even bringing food for Chanyeol as you knew training can be gruelling. Some of his team members even dubbed you as his “pseudo girlfriend.”

You’re stopped on your tracks when someone called your name on the lockers just behind the court. You looked at the source and saw a familiar face, he’s part of the team, you think.

“Hey, coming for Park again?” To which you just answered an ample smile.

“When will you ever learn that you’re not his type? Maybe you should go out on a date with me instead. How about that?” The way he wiggled his eyebrows tormented your eyes and caused disgust to form in the pits of your stomach.

“Sorry, not interested.” You tried to smile sweetly and attempted to walk away and towards the court where you hope to find Chanyeol.

“Stop being so dense, will you? I’m doing you a favor. Chanyeol will never love you. You’re not even half as pretty as Yeseul nor any of his exes. You have no right to be picky.” You didn’t even bother to look back, you just close your eyes on the harsh truth that he spoke.

You thought about just walking away and back home when you heard a sudden rambling on his direction before you could even walk. It’s Chanyeol, who just seemingly went out of the shower with his hair wet and towel draped over his shoulder, and the distasteful man now leaning on the wall with his hand over his nose.

“Learn to mind your own damn business the next time, fucker.”

The next minutes are a vague whirlwind of spontaneous happenings. You remembered Chanyeol grabbing his bag and basically dragging you out of the court, then out of the campus. Eventually bringing you to his car and eventually driving the both of you home. Now you’re in your kitchen, nursing the red bruises on his right wrist with an ice pack.

“I thought he just look like a rock, never thought his face would be hard as one too.” He said when he hissed as you damped the ice over his hands. “Why were you even there earlier, you done being mad at me?”

You laughed at his choice of words and his tone.

“Mom just asked me to give this shirt of yours, got mixed up in the laundry yesterday.” You put down the icepack to grab the shirt from your bag.

“Hey are those cookies for me?” Chanyeol almost instantly noticed the familiar box that you laid on the table in search for his shirt. Like a child that’s excited for a new toy.

“Yeah, I should’ve given it earlier. It’s not warm now, you still up for it?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. Your cookies never gets old for me.” He opened the box and took one in a bite. “This would heal me better than ice ever will.”

You just watched him in wonder, how childlike he is. Maybe it’s that period again, where you’ll act close and cherish each other. The times where he suddenly remembers that he has you.

“And for the record, I was never mad at you.” You suddenly spoke out.

“Hmm? Really? I thought you were mad at me for what I said that night. Which makes sense because I was a flat out asshole. I’m sorry.” He held your hand with his bruised one. A gesture that suddenly made you feel warm.

“No, it’s more of…” You struggled to compose your sentence with his hands on yours. “I just didn’t want to annoy you anymore.”

“Aish, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything on what I said that night. Can we forget about it?” His grip on your hand went tighter. And all you could answer was a nod.

“You didn’t have to punch him.” You said as you put back the ice pack on his fist.

“That asshole deserved it.”

“I mean, he’s not all wrong.” You whispered, wishing that he did not hear your surrender.

“What do you mean he’s not wrong? I swear to God you’re so much better than all of my exes. Sometimes I think they’re all just passing fancy to me. But look, whose hands am I holding now?” Chanyeol’s grasp tightened again. Your mind was entangled in a haze of surprise, shock, and failure to process his words. You tried your best to shake it off, remind yourself that it was all part of the vicious cycle of the game you all too willingly agreed to play with him. The cycle of you loving him and him consuming that love and needing you, a simple concept of supply and demand.

“I wasn’t talking about that.” You put your gaze away from him, afraid of the truth his eyes will speak as you know it would be multitudes louder than his words.

“What?” He asked, and you put your head down. “No, tell me. What?”

“He wasn’t wrong…” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Chanyeol. “That you won’t love me… that I have no right to be picky.. And that I should stop.”

You felt his hand detach from you, and your heart sank. Was this the answer that you’ve been waiting for? The rejection you’ve been anticipating? The only knife that will cut the thread that’s what’s left of you holding on to him?

“I swear I’m going to punch that motherfucker another time the next time I see him.” You’re shocked at his sudden display of anger as he loudly dropped his swollen fist on the table. You reacted in a haste as you grabbed it and put over the ice again.

“You’re going to hurt yourself-” He didn’t even let you finish when he spoke again.

“What if I could?” You slowly lifted your face to meet his eyes. Hoping to see insincerity, that he was joking, but he was painted of perseverance and eagerness. “What if I could love you?”

“You could do a lot of things, Chanyeol. But not all the things you could do are the things you want to do.” You mumbled without removing your eyes on his.

“What if I want to?”

“Do you?” A newfound courage pushed you to asked the question you’ve been too scared to ask. Does Chanyeol want to love you? Does he have any desire to reciprocate your feelings in any part of his heart? But it was time for him to answer, and it was time for you to know. You couldn’t just keep on holding a torch for him all these years, you couldn’t keep on waiting without knowing if you were even actually waiting for something.

“I’m gonna need time to answer that.”

“No, I’m going to need your answer now. I’ve loved you since we were 9, Yeol. I think thirteen years is already an enough amount of time to think if you want someone or not.” You pulled your hand away from his grasp. “Now, have me or lose me, Chanyeol.”

He just stared at you, his youthful eyes spoke of confusion. His lips agape, deprived of the answer you’ve been waiting for.

“I’m going to need an answer before I leave, Yeol.” You declared you stood up and walked towards the sink.

“Leave to where?” He just trailed you with his head, not moving from his seat.

“I’ve been offered an internship. It will be good for my growth. It’s only two months but I’m already so excited for it, Yeol. I’ll get to widen my horizons, my world, maybe even move on.” You looked back at him and smiled a modest one.

“From me?” He just stared at you as you filled the now emptied ice bag with more ice again.

“Probably. That’s why I need your answer now.” You walked back and sat on the chair once more. “Yeol, I’ve loved you for as long as I could remember. I’ve let you define me for so long. Remember when we we’re 7? I was known as Chanyeol’s bestfriend. In high school I was known as the girl who had a crush on you. Even I don’t know myself anymore, I only know you. Loving you has been my identity now, maybe I need to know who I am without you.”

“I remember when Sooyoung told me that maybe why you can’t fall inlove with me was because there was no one to fall in love with. That I don’t even know who I am. And it’s true. Somehow it feels like all these years all I am was a vessel of love for you, and it’s not healthy. For both you and me.” You continued.

“This is a great opportunity for me, Yeol. For me to know myself, my real dreams, what I want.” You explained.

“What you want…. Would that still include me?” Chanyeol suddenly asked.

“Do you want to be?” You asked back to him.

“Yes. I don’t know what I’d do without your love. It’s been part of me, it’s something I’m used to.”

“You’re used to it, but do you want me to love you?”

“I want you, your love, and I want to return it too. I just don’t know how to show it. Maybe I’ve been in love with you too but I’m too dumb to recognize it. I don’t know.” Chanyeol scooted closer to you and held both of your hands in his. “It would be selfish for me to ask this, but please don’t stop loving me. Trust me, I love you too. But I just suck in showing it, or recognizing it. Maybe I have too much pride to admit that to myself, to everyone, to you, that the one I’ve been looking for is all you. Please, don’t move on from me. I just… I just need time to be better at this.”

“We have plenty of time to figure things out, Yeol. Maybe when I come back, we’re both in a better place and better state of mind, right?”

“I love-” Chanyeol started but you were quick to hush him with your fingers.

“Not just yet, Yeol. Take your time. I want to hear it from you when you’re sure, okay?” He nodded.

“But I need you to hear that I promise to be better when you come back. To give you everything you deserve that I failed to do before. Because I need you, and I want you to stay loving me. I don’t know anything else. And it would be my biggest mistake if I let you go.”

“I told you, Chanyeol. I’m not going to stop loving you unless you ask me to.” You pulled one of your hands from his hold and caressed his cheek.

“Then please, (Y/N). Continue on loving me, and don’t you ever stop.”

#exo imagine #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo angst #exo fluff #exo #chanyeol imagine #chanyeol fanfic #chanyeol angst #park chanyeol #chanyeol #angst #angstfic #exo imagines #exo scenarios

[bigskydreaming]

Our changeling who's head/face are always obscured by colorful clouds. Even *he* doesn't know what he looks like anymore under there after the Change. When Violet tries using her mists on him, he just goes "ya done? Good, MY turn". He lives in a top floor apartment, from which he sends out billowing and shimmering good dreams at night.

Hmmm, trying to figure out how Head in the Clouds Changeling might fit into the natural (well, supernatural) ecosystem of Bordertown now. He’s somewhere between Alistair (gay white guy with a demon style Change who lives in the Seventh Circle and plays a critical role in the way the town’s overall magic works and fits together) and Noelle (bi black girl with a flight-capable Change and who lives in the Aerie and is one of Bordertown’s most famous residents and artists and basically invented her own form of art unique just to her, as only her magic makes it possible).

But yeah,I feel like….based off of your description of Head in the Clouds Changeling here. Not in terms of overlap, but in terms of like….I just feel like there’s some niche he’s just adjacent to, or right smack between those two, and I just haven’t figured out quite what’s ideal there yet.

Because like, okay, so Alistair the Dream Keeper, one of the chief residents of the Seventh Circle, is already a big part of why most Changeling residents of Bordertown never seem to have nightmares. He basically feeds off them. Most of the time, Alistair is a hulking behemoth with a grayish skin tone, curved, obsidian horns that naturally curve together and form a crown-like shape atop his head, and with a fiery red gemstone adorning the front of it and pulsing in time with his heartbeat. 

And his skin actually has a strange, almost quasi-translucent look to it, like its not so much skin as it is the surface of some deep, murky pond whose waters are all gray and overcast and dark..It ripples when he moves, and if you watch him long enough you’ll see dark shapes darting up and down the length of his body, across his arms, the back of his neck, etc…as though you’re catching distant glimpses of whatever creatures live deep down in the depths of those waters.

And essentially, Alistair’s magic works by making him a kind of magnet, almost, a supernatural lodestone that pull nightmares out of the sleeping minds of nearby Changelings and carries them in his direction, via some kind of nightmare spectral tide, that only he can really see or interact with. And by being able to see and interact with this nightmare tide, Alistair can basically….fish these nightmares out of it, and feed on them.  He absorbs them into himself, where they become part of his mass, cause him to grow, not unlike that aspect of Sky the Cloud Shaper’s magic….and then with these nightmares becoming the dark figures glimpsed in the depths of the reservoir of dreams his body basically doubles as.

However, the true nature - for better and worse - of Alistair’s magic is that it turns the nightmares that are washed up on his shore, from half-realized monstrosities of the id and the subconscious…..and without actual intent from him even, just a natural byproduct of his magic….the nightmare tide that carries bad dreams to him, like, fleshes them out, gives them physical substance by the time they get to him.

So when he fishes one of these nightmares out of the sky or atmosphere around him, where its swimming in this kind of magical tide that really only exists for him, at least right up until the second a nightmare gets drawn in close enough to him that its made physical reality….the act of fishing a nightmare out of the sky/nightmare tide is a physical act. He basically plucks it out of thin air and and pulls it into himself, absorbing it into his own body and the strange not-ocean that acts as the surface of his skin even as it contains limitless depths beneath said surface.

BUT….the second his magic turns a nightmare into something physical….it becomes potentially dangerous, as much to him as anything or anyone else around. Like, there are some nightmares he just flat out doesn’t want to feed off of or absorb, because he’s not sure what having a particular one inside him, be part of him, might do to him as a consequence or side effect, but he’s not always eager to find out, and thus avoids feeding off of specific nightmares he himself feels unsettled by, just from the sight of them or being in proximity to them.

Except the danger is, there’s no ‘return to sender’ function he can evoke with his magic, to send it back to whatever dreaming mind his magic pulled it from in the first place. Nor can he just make it immaterial again, remove its physical aspect, by doing anything other than taking it into himself, which he’s too afraid/anxious to do with some of these.

All of which means, his only real option with these nightmares that he doesn’t want to touch or feed on or have any part of them inside him….is to physically destroy them. Which he does by summoning one of the nightmares he has previously chosen to absorb into his own depths….and bringing it back out of him again, returning its own physical state, and then basically.pitting it against this other nightmare he wants gone, but not at the cost of letting it potentially affect or change him. Weaponizing one or more of the nightmares he’s fed upon, to destroy the nightmare he refuses to, because just the nearness of it is leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

And these clash of nightmares can get pretty gnarly, but since in even most worse case scenarios, Alistair still has more nightmares he can pull up out of his own depths to act as reinforcements or supplement his initial choice of warrior, if its not up to the task of destroying the nightmare he’s trying to rid the world of….its usually not a problem. 

Some nightmares out there are dark by any standards, with this all being part of why he doesn’t want them inside him even briefly…the fact that they’re so monstrous, so horrific, that even just getting rid of them requires he burn through most of the nightmares he has available to weaponize against it in the first place, when attempting to do just that.

But ultimately he is almost always able to destroy even the most twisted of nightmares-made-flesh that swim his way on the spectral tides of his own magic’s making….even if doing so costs him his entire stockpile of existing nightmare warriors….and leaves his own ‘reservoir’ dried up and shallow for the most part, with no dark creatures lurking deep in its depths. While at the same time, shrinking him down to a far less imposing or intimidating frame or stature than he usually possesses.

He can always ‘restock’ his supply by feeding on more new nightmares he is willing to eat and absorb….even if he sometimes simultaneously sulks about having to lose some of his most valuable and preferred (and in some instances, rare) nightmare archetypes,  as they fell in battle against the personal demons of some other Changeling’s fucked up subconscious.

Thus, whatever else he may be, such as melodrama prone, Alistair the Dream Keeper plays a unique and valuable role within the magical ecosystem of Bordertown. Thanks to him, the town’s residents enjoy a largely restful and healthy night’s rest one night after another…..rather than being mired in whatever dark dreams they would be haunted by were Alistair’s magic not available to physically draw their nightmares out and vanquish them magically. 

And the ‘reward’ his own magic reaps for him, in return for this valuable service he provides the town….is his ability to call forth whatever nightmare warriors he has stored within him, to use as his champions in whatever other conflicts he might find himself in.

(Of course, there are the really rare occasions where some new arrival’s dreams are so haunting and horrific, none of the nightmare warriors Alistair has available to him are able to put an end to that newest terror….and it takes other Changelings reinforcing him with their own magic to exorcise these particular beasts. But those are rare occasions indeed, when he finds himself totally outmatched on just his own).

And then on the completely opposite side of things, there’s Noelle and her niche in Bordertown. Noelle is a black girl whose primary place of residence is in one of the towers of the Aerie….and this also where she has her studio, and where she developed, honed and continues to master the unique art form that’s born entirely of her own magic….and that makes her one of Bordertown’s most famous artists in residence.

Appearance wise, Noelle is a black girl of medium height, in her late teens or early twenties….and with every part of her constantly lit or aglow with her own vibrant neon luminescence, one forever combining complementary hues of blue, indigo, violet and hot pink. Her hair is the latter: tight braids always brightly shining a dynamic, neon shade of hot pink. Her skin always appears to be bathed in a perpetual, moonlit glow that in turn, gives her an eternally soft and cool blue radiance of her own. 

And from her back spring two wings of pure incandescence, like two flat panes of solid, glowing light, both a deep and lush violet in hue…..wings that rapidly beat the air much like those of a hummingbird do, allowing her to remain practically stationary in flight, should she wish to - and should she find it helpful to remain in such a position while crafting one of her works of art. 

And all the while, other sources of light shining through and cascading over her wings of light, rippling off of the soft arctic glow of her figure and woven into the dynamic, neon intensity of her hair….it all casts a chiaroscuro crazy-quilt of dappled light and shadow about her, everywhere she goes….making her the permanent center-point in a constantly shifting light sculpture that’s illuminating and illusionary all at the same time.

And thanks to her magic, Noelle’s unique form of artistry allows her to paint with her own light and emotions. Literally. By tracing paths of light across any surface using just her own glowing fingers or hands, Noelle sketches designs that she at the same time imbues with specific emotions, or combinations of emotion. With these then being experienced exactly as she intended them to be felt, by anyone later touching a surface she poured her own radiance and emotions into.

By the time she’s done with a piece, Noelle’s art might be physically indistinguishable from its surroundings….but the emotional tapestries or symphonies that spring into a person’s mind, that can be felt singing deep within their very bones, just upon making the slightest touch to a surface that’s keyed to one of her emotional landscapes….in those respects, her art is an experience impossible to mistake for anything other than what it is: 

Unique masterpieces of vibrant, intense feelings that are all laid out and organized into coherent emotional journeys that are then undertaken by anyone whose heartstrings are seized in the grasp of one of her pieces.

There’s a small courtyard in the heart of the Rose’s Garden, that Noelle carefully shaped and molded into an emotional arrangement that even years later still bears the specific resonance she poured into every last nook and cranny of that cozy, intimate space…the name of this courtyard, this piece of hers, is “Refuge,” and any Changeling who goes to sit in it finds themselves swept up in the cascading surges and swellings of relief and comfort, surety and safety, that she crafted that small, light-swept corner of the garden to be an eternal reminder of.

There’s a soothingly bubbling fountain on the uppermost floor of the Aerie, that Noelle named Respite when she was done crafting it into a basin of sustaining restfulness, a fount whose waters from that point on always held within them a soft inner radiance and summoned to mind a hum of peaceful relaxation, for anyone who so much as trailed a hand through their ripples, let alone took a refreshing sip.

A terrace along the north side of one of the uppermost floors of the Aerie bears the name Solace, thanks to her….and thanks to her magic and her art, it bears a feeling of consolation, of shared loss and of an understanding of its magnitude, for anyone who steps out onto that terrace with nothing between their toes and the support of the terrace underneath their feet.

And Noelle’s latest project, undertaken in collaboration with her girlfriend Nadia, a Changeling possessing the look of a dryad and the magic of shaping trees, is a line of furniture called Contentment….a series of magically sculpted chairs that each bear a unique emotional signature, guaranteed to bequeath a blissful sensation of peace and oneness with one’s surroundings, to anyone that sits in one such chair. 

But never lacking for ambition or the desire to further press and hone her craft in new directions, each and every new project she undertakes, Noelle’s new signature line of furniture doesn’t bear just a single, over-arching feeling of Contentment to be shared by anyone who sits in any of the chairs, with no two any different from each other…. rather, each individual chair holds within it an entirely different kind of Contentment, unique and distinct to each one. One chair holds within it the satisfaction of a job well done, a passion project that has born exactly the fruits one hoped to see it yield some day. Another contains a breathless surge of knowing exactly what you hoped to find and feel upon reclining in it, and discovering your anticipated hopes had been met and exceeded upon sitting down. Another sweeps you up into the confident surefooted awareness that you were exactly where you were supposed to be, doing exactly as you were intended to be spending this time doing….nothing mattered beyond just the general state of existing you were more than gratified to make the focus of your entire being for now.

And so on and so on. 

Which brings us back to your head in the clouds Changeling and makes me think….what role or niche might he best serve here…..and now I’m thinking, what about something like a source of inspiration, a burst of epiphany? Someone whose very presence is a catalyst for the Eureka moments of everyone in his vicinity perhaps? Maybe he’s mostly mainstream in appearance other than the clouds or mists that seem to cling to him in just the right ways as to obscure his most revealing features, and with no apparent source for where the clouds or mists originate….and something about his magic acts as a lure, a will-o-wisp almost, perhaps tendrils of his clouds seek out the people I’m about to describe here and leave a trail of thread between them and him, that they can follow as long or far as needed to end up in the same area as him at just the right time for ‘the clouds to clear up’……

And with the people his clouds are drawn to, and that they draw to him in turn…..being those who are particularly lost or dazed, having trouble focusing or seeing a conclusion or detail that’s of pretty vital importance and is just right in front of them and has been for days, if not longer….with the ultimate point of his magic being that it gathers as many people in this state to or around him as possible, and then once the number of people, or the mass confusion felt by all present, like, once it hits the point of critical mass…..that’s when his magic makes for a ‘clearing of the clouds’ that cuts through both the crowd and their individual confusions like a bolt of divine inspiration…..and suddenly, everyone present is having a eureka moment, a mystical epiphany that flings them into action and movement and has them scribbling down things as fast as they can think of ways their recent revelation might apply here or tie into something else here?

Not sure, but something like that, potentially. I do know one thing that’s of relevance here, or at least I think, is the idea I had that for flight-capable and winged Changelings, the height you live at in the Aerie, how high up you are compared to others…..its based on wingspan, stuff like that….basically, how much you need that room to take flight or make the most of your magic. Like…..its not a status symbol, having a residence on one of the very top floors of one of the Aerie skyscrapers isn’t proof of you being anymore important than any other Changelings in the towers or elsewhere in Bordertown…..it simply means…you need the room. 

So at the very upper levels, you do have Changelings like Hideo Furukawa, sometimes called the Strange Angel - the guy who is half Brazilian, half Japanese, all ridiculously gorgeous and almost seven feet tall….and with vast wings that are actually three different overlaying pairs of wings, all of them seemingly formed of stained glass windows rather than feathers, resulting in Hideo showering the ground beneath his wings with an endless river of rainbows where the sun hits and bleeds through his wings, his wings sounding like a symphony of wind chimes every time he beats them against the air, and with him able to cut and rip holes directly into the fabric of space each time he unfurls his wings and slices through the sky with them, and potentially reality too….

Basically, point being, someone like Hideo is individually powerful and a huge social influence within Bordertown, given that he can fly through his rifts to anywhere pretty much instantly….and thus meaning that he’s one of the few Changelings with unfettered access to any of the other Faetowns, 24/7, who never needs to rely on a painting portal or the compliance of any of the paintings’ guardians, in order to travel from town to town…..but then compared to this particular Changeling…..it might seem strange for them to both be top-level dwellers, both living at some of the highest points of the Aerie, when Head in the Clouds Guy doesn’t even seem or feel flight-capable, and might actually be one of the few Changelings living in the Aerie who can’t fly at all…..

BUT at the same time, theoretically a case could still be made for WHY he’s living in that particular Fey ‘neighborhood,’ and why he has a top floor dwelling as well, despite a lack of wingspan period…..because if its as much about your magic needing more room to maneuver well, just as much as its about your wings needing the space…then Head in the Clouds Changeling makes a lot of sense there from that perspective, because imagine the clouds or mist just pouring off him in waves, seeking out everyone aligned with his particular magic or the need for it right now, that hit of clarity….you’d need him as high up as possible to get that cloud cover seeking out the right people to draw back to him, but otherwise causing as little disruption to Bordertown’s day to day movement and populations as possible…..because from up high, tendrils of clouds can go seeking individuals, but if all that cloud cover spreads out from the ground level…..everyone’s going to end up blinded by it and getting turned around in it, even people who weren’t originally or wouldn’t be having trouble with that otherwise either.

The same could be said for if his clouds were about delivering good dreams, but I’m undecided if that’s maybe too much overlap with Alistair even though its the direct opposite of his nightmare tide. But even though Alistair doesn’t influence dreams directly, or lead to good ones or contribute to anyone dreaming at all…his acting as a lodestone to draw out and suck up the bad dreams, actually banishing, destroying or exorcising the worst of the worst, that might still in essence, just…effectively produce a similar result to a mist, fog or cloud cover that spreads good dreams throughout the city.

#changelings 'verse

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Golden Kamuy re-reading: Vol 3 cover + extra image + CHAP 18: ‘Rescue operation’

Trasposed in: Episode 5 ‘Race’

Currently the story is at: Chap 195: ‘Ariko’s backyard’ (scanlated)

VOL 3 Cover

After Sugimoto and Asirpa, the cover for Vol. 3 presents us with Hijitaka pointing his rifle not quite toward the reader but… well close while trying to pull out his sword at the same time.

The colours that rule the image are fundamentally three, black, white and green, not a vibrant green but the greyish green of Hijikata’s clothes. There’s to wonder if he was given green clothes to symbolize how Hijikata moves and act as if he were still young (green usually symbolize youth).

While Asirpa and Sugimoto had animals along with them in the cover, Hijikata has in the background a city, Otaru, I assume. Another difference is that the scene takes place in the darkness of the night, and, while Sugimoto and Asirpa’s covers were filled with light and brightness, here the only shining are the snow, the rifle and the sword.

Hijikata’s pose well underline he’s an action man, even more than Sugimoto’s, which transmitted strength and passion but was more… static. Hijikata’s cover is more cold in colors but filled with movement, from the dynamic pose to the hair and coat fluttering in the wind. Hijikata is clearly an old man but yes, we might forget it when seeing him in such a dynamic scene.

His posture oozes with confidence, Hijikata is smiling and completely at ease while he’s handling two weapons at the same time, clearly hinting at how this man is lethal.

At the same time though… he’s alone, they didn’t even add Nagakura watching him from the background and I can’t help but think at how Nagakura said Hijikata was searching for a way to die fighting. The scene makes me think of a western duel, only instead that taking place at midday this time the duel is taking place at midnight… though the night itself might be a reference to how Hijikata’s life itself is on its finishing line.

He’s an old man, a man from the past but he’s still alive and kicking and about to be involved in a fabulous fight. At least that’s how I see him.

Something else that’s worth to point out is that this picture wasn’t created to be a volume cover but a chapter cover, specifically chapter 34 cover. Noda Sensei later decided to expand it and turn it into a volume cover.

Colour image

At the beginning of this volume there’s a colour image and for many volumes in the future there will be a colour image at the beginning. It’s not an extra image created for the volume only, this picture was created to be a chapter cover, specifically chapter 25 cover. Noda Sensei later decided to remove all the writing that were on it and place it here. In a way it’s not bad, as like this we can see it in colour, even if a side of me would prefer for it to be where it originally was. But well, it’ might be just me.

This particular colour image shows Sugimoto basically entirely painted in red. As I said when discussing the Sugimoto’s cover, red (and gold) seem to be Sugimoto’s colours. Sugimoto is aggressively moving forward,, teeth clenched and rifle with bayonet mounted in his hand.

His eyes have a yellowish colour and are tracing yellowish lines as Sugimoto moves.

Eyes tracing lines in Golden Kamuy is usually considered representative of fury. Overall Sugimoto comes out as angry and aggressive… but we can notice he’s also holding Asirpa’s hand with his left hand.

The hold would be uncomfortable as it would end up hampering his movements. I wonder if that’s it’s purpose or it’s just a random coincidence as the image is meant to cut Asirpa’s image and show only her hand but, at the same time, to let us see Asirpa’s reflection on Sugimoto’s bayonet.

The colouring is interesting. The hand Sugimoto is holding is also red, as if Sugimoto’s fury basically was transmitted to Asirpa’s herself… but the image reflected on the bayonet is in blue (and white) colours (Asirpa’s colours in her cover image were blue and white). It’s interesting how Asirpa’s reflection causes the blade of the bayonet, that starts as red, to end up being tinged in Asirpa’s colours.

Asirpa is serious, calm. We can see she’s watching Sugimoto without fear, her hair fluttering. We can see the scene as them moving together but also as Asirpa restraining Sugimoto, while Sugimoto tries to pull her forward in a bizarre exchange of fury and calmness. Other image will present Asirpa as holding, possibly restraining Sugimoto.

CHAP 18: ‘Rescue operation’

The chapter starts with the men of the 7th division hearing some noise, the noise being made by Sugimoto, who’s using a piece of the chair to beat Yōhei (and Kōhei) up, while Kōhei, who’s being still strangled, catches his chance to stab Sugimoto’s leg with his bayonet (while Yōhei has stabbed Sugimoto’s arm). The determination of the three fighters is rather impressive, really.

We then get the cover, which shows Asirpa, Retar and Shiraishi and behind them Sugimoto and Yōhei (you can now recognize him by the broken tooth) having their faceoff.

We continue with Asirpa and Shiraishi, Shiraishi showing Asirpa the 7th division barracks in which, he says, there are about 30 soldiers stationed. The building is an ex-store, hence all the windows are barred and the entrance is guarded by the soldiers all night long.

Shiraishi points out how the 7th division is a dangerous bunch to go against and even if Asirpa were to manage to get in Sugimoto might have been already dead.

It’s worth to point out Shiraishi’s future character growth. Here he tells Asirpa to assume Sugimoto was killed… but even though Sugimoto in Abashiri was shoot in the head, he’ll tell Asirpa he believes Sugimoto might still be alive. Shiraishi will learn to trust in Sugimoto’s strength by spending time with him… and also to care for Asirpa and support her. In short he’ll become rather different from the guy he’s now, someone who wanted to wash his hands clean from them and helps only first because he’s threatened and then because he wants the gold.

Asirpa insists Sugimoto is still alive because he’s the sort that never let his fear of death control him, which makes him strong.

It’s a very samurai like concept.

Samurai were supposed to be always aware of how they could die and prepared to do so, so they wouldn’t fear death.

Asirpa gives examples of how Sugimoto does this but, long story short the concept is that Sugimoto, despite being afraid to die, doesn’t panic, he doesn’t get paralyzed with fear or tries to escape danger but goes through an extremely risky path in order to survive.

Asirpa says Sugimoto walks in the shadow of death but never lets it consume him, which makes him Sugimoto the immortal and sees this trait of him as a positive thing. In a way it is, as it allows him to survive… but later on we’ll learn things aren’t so smooth.

Sugimoto is actually paying a heavy price for this.

Walking in the shadow of death isn’t healthy for him, in the long run it’ll tax him too much, it’ll ask him too much effort, it forces him to ignore too often his fear of death, to find ways to cope with it that actually damage him.

For now we’re lulled in the idea of how Sugimoto is cool, a role model, but soon we’ll see that there’s nothing enviable in Sugimoto’s life, that not only he doesn’t perceive himself as cool but that slowly he ends up on losing sight of himself, of his moral beliefs and of his own self control.

Also, in the future, Asirpa will realize it’s not just this what pushes Sugimoto to go on. He isn’t merely guy who doesn’t get paralyzed with fear, he’s a guy with a mission. No matter how worn out he gets, he can’t stop until he has fulfilled it and this is a strong motivator for him and what pushes him to overcome fear.

Now… episode four of the anime, ‘Race’, actually decided to place all this bit at the beginning, and move the fight between Sugimoto and the Nikaidō brothers after the opening theme so that it wouldn’t get interrupted. It’s not a bad idea for an anime as the flow is much smoother and tension rises appropriately. The anime also gives more space to the fight, making it look more in favour of Sugimoto.

In the anime thoug,h this concept is a bit less clear as it seems Asirpa thinks Sugimoto isn’t afraid to die, when actually Sugimoto is very afraid to die but doesn’t let this stop him.

The manga goes back to Sugimoto.

The other soldiers from the 7th division joins him and stop the fight between him and the Nikaidō brothers since Tsurumi ordered to make sure Sugimoto doesn’t die.

Kōhei yells death threats at him as the other soldiers drag them away while Sugimoto (also being held back) yells back that if the other soldiers hadn’t showed up he would have killed them.

Yes, Sugimoto likes to brag because when the Nikaidō brothers won’t be there he’ll admit he did a lot of noise so that the other men of the 7th would come running otherwise the two siblings would have chopped out his fingers.

Sure thing is both parties were very into the fight and didn’t want to stop until they managed to kill their enemy… but this is probably not a good thing for either of them.

Informed, Tsurumi orders not to let the Nikaidō twins near Sugimoto as they apparently can’t control themselves.

In the meantime Shiraishi has found Sugimoto. The men of the 7th are retying him and they’re appropriately impressed of how Sugimoto managed to do all that with his hands and feet tied.

In the anime they merely comment Sugimoto is crazy, which doesn’t exactly deliver well they were left speechless by the stunt Sugimoto managed to pull despite being tied.

Shiraishi reports to Asirpa Sugimoto is still alive and she smiles but her expression also well gives out her relief at the news. She was afraid Sugimoto might have died, she just kept it inside herself.

Meanwhile Shiraishi figures that if Sugimoto didn’t got killed it means he hid the skins but he has no idea for how long Sugimoto will manage to stay silent about them. He then considers he could get in through the bars. He claims to love gambling so he’ll bet on Sugimoto and Asirpa but, in exchange, he wants part of the gold when they find it.

Asirpa agrees as she remarks she doesn’t care about the gold and that Shiraishi can split it with Sugimoto once its found.

And again I want to point out at Shiraishi’s character growth as, later, he’ll realize it would be much more advantageous to bet on Tsurumi… yet not only he decides to stick with Asirpa but even reaches her despite knowing it would be dangerous. For Shiraishi it won’t be any longer about money, he’ll just care about Asirpa and Sugimoto.

Anyway Asirpa and Shiraishi shake hands and plan to use a horse to yank away the bars on Sugimoto’s window.

Back to Sugimoto he’s now tied again and lying to the floor as he makes the point of his situation. He explains that although the twins stabbed his chest, the bayonet got blocked by his ribs so the cut isn’t deep but the twins will be back and if he doesn’t come up with a plan they’ll kill him. In short again we’re told that Sugimoto actually didn’t have an advantage on them as he pretended to have.

The anime cut on explaining why the stab didn’t kill Sugimoto… which is not a great idea as it’s sort of relevant…

We see that now there’s a guard at Sugimoto’s door and then Sugimoto hears a noise, turns and see Shiraishi slipping inside though, as he dislocated his joints to get in he looks not really nice and Sugimoto asks him if he’s a monster.

Shiraishi reminds him of his identity and tells him an Ainu girl threatened to shoot him with a poison arrow if he weren’t to help Sugimoto. It’s not the full truth as Shiraishi in the end decided willingly to help Sugimoto to escape but still Sugimoto seems to be touched by what Asirpa did for him.

She didn’t give up on him nor left him alone. I think it was important for him to have Asirpa come save him despite everything.

One of the main themes of Golden Kamuy is the loneliness. Those men (and Asirpa as well) are alone and not only don’t want to be but desperately need help and companionship. It does them great when they get it.

Meanwhile the horses are making a lot of noise attracting attention. Asirpa was meant to go retrieve one of them but, as the horses had caught Retar’s scent they got scared.

Sadly the guard at Sugimoto’s door decides to go check on the horses which is… silly really. I mean there should be 30 people there. Why does he feel obliged to go check and stop guarding the door when someone else among the 30 could have done the job?

As Shiraishi and Sugimoto realize there could be a problem Sugimoto hurries him to untie him.

Predictably the Nikaidō twins show up.

Yōhei tells Kōhei to wait outside and make sure nobody will get in. We see Sugimoto on the ground, pretending to be tied and Shiraishi hiding himself. Yōhei tells Kōhei he’ll kill Sugimoto and the undo his restrains so he’ll claim the other was trying to escape, forcing him to kill him.

Though Kōhei always wanted to kill Sugimoto it seems it’s Yōhei who’s the most aggressive prone as he’s always the first to attack.

Anyway Kōhei makes a mistake. He tells Yōhei to give him his gun (a type 26 by the way, which I guess, it’s part of the weapons Tsurumi took away without permission from Asahikawa as 1st class privates weren’t supposed to have guns... but we’ll discover about it later) as he shouldn’t use it but his bayonet because, if he were to shoot everyone would come before Yōhei could undo his restrains… and here I wonder.

Kōhei didn’t need to ask Yōhei to give him his gun… unless he feared Yōhei, left unsupervised, would try to use it anyway. Still for Kōhei it should have been terrible when he found out Yōhei died because, I bet, he wondered if, had had Yōhei the gun, would he have managed to survive?

Kōhei will be obsessed with the idea of killing Sugimoto to the point of madness. He harboured it before Yōhei died but, I think, it got so bad not only due to Yōhei’s death but because, probably Kōhei feels he’s responsible for it and therefore, in order to distance himself from his sense of guilt, pushes even more the blame on Sugimoto.

The door gets closed, Yōhei tries to take his bayonet but… it’s not in its place anymore. Sugimoto has it. He grabs Yōhei’s neck so as to silence him and… the scene switches.

In the anime the timing is a little off as it seems the twins opened the door when Shiraishi was untying Sugimoto… and therefore they should have seen him and Sugimoto should still be tied… yet Shiraishi is nowhere to be seen and Sugimoto is untied.

Also in the anime the scene wasn’t as dark as in the manga to hide how Sugimoto was untied… even if, due to Sugimoto’s position, they can still pull it off. Even the timing of the disappearance of the bayonet is a little off as it was just too fast. Kōhei should have seen Sugimoto retrieving it before the door was closed.

The manga presents us with some images without comments.

One is Asirpa hiding with Retar, the other is the members of the 7th trying to persuade Kōhei to let them check Sugimoto. We’ve the Shiraishi’s eyes and, lastly a pool of blood.

In the end Tsurumi joins the men of the 7th while Kōhei is being restrained and crying madly and the men of the 7th comments that, by the time they got inside it was all over.

Tsurumi opens the door and sees Yōhei lying on the floor, clearly dead as his neck is broken and Sugimoto seated on the ground with, apparently, his guts spilling out.

The soldiers comment there’s no way Sugimoto can survive which such a wound… and yes, at the time, if your guts were spilling around you wouldn’t survive. It would be a long and painful death but you’ll die.

Tsurumi comments Sugimoto’s candle is about to be blown out and Sugimoto begs Tsurumi to help him, promising him the skins in exchange. Tsurumi grins.

We also get to see Asirpa’s worried expression before the chapter ends.

In the anime Kōhei’s mad desperation is depicted very well (in the manga I wasn’t really sure if he was desperate or angry)… though they don’t exactly depicts the guts pulling out of Sugimoto’s stomach but a lot of blood around that area. Still it works.

The manga chapter ends here.

#Golden Kamuy #Sugimoto Saichi #Asirpa #Shiraishi Yoshitake #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Nikaidou Kouhei #Nikaidou Youhei #Retar #Golden Kamuy ReReading #Hijikata Toshizou

[marmorinovenetianplaster-blog]

Understanding The Importance Of Metallic Wall Paint

There are always a selection of decorative paintings. The definition of the decorative is very broad and abstract, so different people may have an alternative understanding. However in general, it identifies the painting with decorative significance and independent art form. It differs from the ordinary pattern and picture in that it gets the appreciation and decorative value to meet up people's needs for decoration. This type painting is defined in Fine Arts level of the Encyclopedia the following: decorative painting is characterized by the concentrate on appreciation of this content, certain exaggeration in the pattern and spatial correlation in color, which generally doesn't emphasize the real light shadow and perspective in the three-dimensional space. Rather than trying to figure out what the painting seems like, allow you to ultimately be used in by the painting. See what emotions, sensations or memories emerge. Let your eyes relax and travel round the piece without expectation. Examine the colors, forms, materials, surface, and how they connect to each other. Take your time. Allow the painting "speak" to you. Notice how the different elements like shape, color and form affect you. A delicately detailed, vibrant painting will affect you differently than the usual calm, cool Malevich. The decorative and the areas involved are extremely wide.

Based on the environment, it could be divided into figure decorative painting, home decorative painting, etc; in terms of nature, it could be divided into abstract painting, modern painting; from the production material, it can be divided in to oil painting, dynamic painting, wooden painting and photography painting; in production method, it can be split into print decorative painting, mounting decorative painting and made by hand decorative painting. Furthermore, as a crafted artwork, decorative painting involves various aspects, such as for example art, appreciation and craft. Therefore we are able to say it is a professional product gathering diversified factors. There are always a large amount of production methods in the painting. The choice of different methods includes a great difference in the input and buying of equipment as well as the planning of the shop. As an example, the production of print decorative painting only needs to get some typically common devices, like computers, scanners, fine art, and inkjet printers. But if you wanted to make your own frame, you ought to introduce frame materials in addition to related production tools.

If you also prepared to produce non-frame painting, flower mud painting, hanging painting, cloth painting and three-dimensional paper sculpture painting to setup an attractive painting production shop, then you must buy more materials and equipment, such as colored mud, photos, special glue, hot melt adhesive film materials as well as cold laminating machine, flat presses, and corner-cutting machines. Actually, for ordinary entrepreneurs, the production of decorative painting mainly is dependent upon a copy. But for the professional art entrepreneurs, they could try hand drawing. The production is mainly manual, with no restraint on the material, technique and painting method. If your painting is produced to maximize of the material advantages in art performance to form a unique decorative beauty which can be favored and bought by the consumers, then it could be called a pretty painting. Actually, plenty of homeowners make their own decoratives by using simple tools like plywood and watercolour to obtain the relevant pictures from the Internet and then pack it in a fixed frame. Therefore, the decorative industry may be operated on a tiny scale or in a big realm as an expert business, whose cost can differ from thousands to millions.

[drewdodge]

Kiki Critique Notes

- Maybe try automatic writing when it comes to remembering your dreams. It could be a way to tap into your subconscious. I really like the motif of a window being a barrier and a threshold instead of a passageway in the response picture you made. - I think because you use a lot of cultural, pop, and political symbolism in your work, it is sometimes easier to understand your work; however, when you put NYC next to a spongebob jellyfish,  you complicate it. I think it becomes more personal when you introduce pop symbols— similar to Beyonce’s cartoon cutouts. - I think in in terms of imagined spaces, you are very good at creating lively environments and atmosphere. I think working even darker would emphasize this. - I would enjoy if you began to overlap city life with suburbia… I think that your figures sometimes seem out of place in the city life, which create interesting dynamics and really weaves together the figure with the symbols found in city environments. I think you could insert even more symbols of suburban life into the city paintings and vice versa. - Your color choice is always very vibrant. I think you could emphasize this even more and use glazing to brighten the layers further. Also, if you glaze over the entire image, it could create a more atmospheric effect. Leyla Faye uses glazing techniques very well, and she made one painting where a woman has a bright blue shadow across her face— you would like it I think. - There are definitely digital references in your work— I’m thinking back to your jellyfish, porn computer and phone, etc. I think that you should experiment with video or animation/  gifs. I’m also craving a sense of sound in your paintings. Maybe introduce a form of sound art or music or something. Nicole Eisenman’s Raid the icebox at the RISD museum where there are various not-so-random objects in conversation with each other all bound together under a disco light and club music. Even though Eisenman uses sound and sculpture, I think the same elements apply to your paintings. - I really enjoy the nude portrait you made. I would love to see more instances where you are inserted into the scenes you are painting— maybe multiple versions of yourself— a suburban you and a city you... I think painting yourself into paintings and arranging yourself/ finding your place within a composition forces you to understand more about yourself, so I see it as a good exercise in understanding more about your place in your work, cultural systems, and the world. - I think when you think about surface you have to think about concave and convex forms. Surface does not always have to be additive— How can you transform the surface and have the transformation be meaningful. There is so much opportunity when it comes to surface. You can claim/ reclaim surface like Henry, you can build surface up and strip it away like Mark Bradford, or you can maintain the flatness of the painting. I. Think certain subjects cater toward flat surface and others do not. You should look at Doreen Garners work— its instillation, sculpture, and performance all in one and she grapples with many different subjects at once, similar to what I think you are trying to do. - Overall, I think working larger could be helpful because sometimes it humanizes the figures more and gives a sense of surface even if it is flat. I enjoy how even in the scenes where there is no figure present, the picture implies that the subject was just there.

[jeonh645-blog]

Senior Thesis 1

08.28.18

Proposal #3

The importance of believing in dreams

Hello, my name is Deborah. I was predominantly raised in Singapore, while maintaining my Korean roots. I am interested in creating a vibrant and detail oriented 3D environment. I am visualizing a platform, where the environment will be created using paper mache and cardboard. It will be vibrantly colored and have energy, which symbolizes the dynamic quality of dreams. I am thinking gouache and acrylic paints. I also want to create little “sections” of symbolic imagery pertaining to each dream. I will be sourcing them from my dream journal and attempt to recreate them in the most honest way possible: the way they were presented to me, the way I felt and experienced them in that given moment in my unconscious. I want the surroundings to be as intricate and be as attentive to detail as much as possible. Lastly, there will be a woman set in the centre of it all, constructed by twisting or braiding yarn with various thicknesses. By setting a loosely structured figure against a highly charged environment, they encompass the fluidity and vulnerability often experienced in dreams. When one dreams, the ‘self’ is usually not solid. You kind of feel like you’re floating, but it tends to be more about the surroundings and what is happening around the dreamer. This is for the people entranced by the nature of dreams and for those who are attracted to the representation of dreams. By creating a representation of my internal world, I humbly hope that this can allow the audience to reflect on our own subconscious and really ponder about relationships with the external and the internal selves. Not only can this project be viewed as an attempt in retracing my dreams, but it is also an experiment to see how people’s relationships with dreams will change over time.

I have a strong attraction to dreams and they are often the subject I integrate into conversations. Ranging from pregnancy dreams to premonition dreams, I have come to realize how deeply dreams are actually involved with our conscious lives. They are easily forgotten and thus overlooked, and are often dismissed even by those who remember them. I value my dreams highly and keep a dream journal. I note repeating symbolic imageries such as snakes, water, and my silent dead grandmother. I always remember the ones with my grandmother, because she would never betray a word from her mouth but just smile. And every time, I wish with all of my heart that she would speak, because it is literally the only way to experience her presence in a tangible manner.

I spend most of my time immersing myself in movies and music. I am especially fond of films that lend a feeling of sentimentality that can’t be experienced quite the same way when you zone out and try to retrace a memory. Films such as Blue Valentine, An Education and Good Will Hunting are movies I often find myself going back to. The music, the setting, the cinematography, the plot, the characters, are an integral part for us to experience something intensely personal. I love that each element is denied independence, but have to coexist with one another for the film to be delivered cohesively. At the same time, I am also very drawn to directors with an abstract mind. Films such as Eraserhead and Life of Pi have remained with me and feel a bit different to the ones I mentioned above. The ambiguity of the plots gives them room for the audience to come up with their own conclusions. As I watch them I’ll be thinking “Maybe it’s that..no maybe I have it wrong. What other ways and explanations have I not explored yet?” It’s very whimsical and dynamic. It’s even better when the colors are exaggerated and overly vibrant, or unusual color schemes as opposed to modern action movies. It’s more of a feeling. Over the summer, I experienced a public gun induced fear on the L train. I had never experienced anything like it before, and nobody should. Thankfully, it turned out to be false alarm, and I remember watching Elephant again that night. I love the movie Elephant. I first watched it in freshman year, but that night when I watched it, I was overcome with an unexplainable feeling that was instilled in me for a while. I realized that one’s relationship with movies also changes over time accompanied by life’s growing experiences.

The idea of setting weak and loose characters into a highly charged environment came about when I was looking at Patti Smith’s large scale installation of “Resilience of the Dreamer” at the Rockaways. She personally encountered the destruction of people’s lives who had been affected by Hurricane Sandy. The sculpture consists of a gilded bed with four posts with pure white linens in a building that had remained abandoned for a long time. Over time, the bed had worn down physically, while remaining on the same spot, to represent courage and resilience. The placement of a beautiful white bed, a place of dreaming, into a bleak environment was extremely effective in presenting a duality not only of form but nature. The installation powerfully captured the sentiment of overcoming obstacles, telling a real human story through the opposition of the bed as a content against its rundown factory background.

I want to experiment with everything - shadows, whispers, light and fog etc. Furthermore, I believe that this will have an illusion of breathing life into the piece.

[joya34blanco]

How to Get the Most Out of Photographing at Golden Hour

The infamous golden hour is a photographer’s dream. That one key period of time that could make even the most stringent artist swoon with inspiration. The sun will dance across your viewfinder, and an endless array of possibilities will present themselves. Regardless of whether your photographic style is vibrant, monochrome, gentle, or contrasted, the golden hour will grant you the ultimate canvas upon which to paint your vision.

So, what is golden hour exactly?

The golden hours include the first hour after sunrise and the last hour of light before sunset. Predicting this short window of time depends upon your geographical location and the current season. What makes this lighting situation so ideal for photography is the sun’s positioning relative to what you are photographing.

Due to the sun beginning its speedy rise or setting in the sky, the light source is now closer in relation to your subject. It is also going through more of the earth’s atmosphere at this low angle. When this occurs, soft diffused light is produced.

Generally speaking, soft light is considered the best canvas for a photographer. It does not create harsh shadows and tends to be very dynamic-range-friendly, as your images will not feature harsh shadows or blown-out highlights. The golden hour casts a warm color temperature as well, which can be enhanced upon or corrected via post-processing. This warm color cast lends itself to being a flattering illumination upon any subject of your choosing.

Five key lighting situations at golden hour

Any type of photography, from portraits to landscapes to action, can benefit from the use of the golden hour. There are five key lighting situations you can create during this time:

Front-Lighting

This is when your subject faces the sun directly. During the golden hour, this lighting gives a very warm feel to images. Because the sun is not directly above them, in many cases, your subject will not have to suffer the intensely bright light and need to squint. This lighting situation is very easy to photograph in and will make a lasting impression.

An example of front-lighting at golden hour.

Back-Lighting

Back-lighting occurs when the sun is behind your subject. During the golden hour, this lighting situation creates a soft, warm, hazy, glowing effect. Be sure to expose for your subject’s proper tones, and enjoy the masterpiece that you create.

An example of back-lighting.

Rim Lighting:

Rim lighting is when the sun is positioned in such a way to create a halo around your subject. This halo is especially prevalent when placed against a dark background. The sun doesn’t need to be directly behind your subject to achieve this effect, though, as long as the background is dark. You will have to move around to find the sweet spot to achieve this effect, but a good way to start is by shooting from a lower camera angle.

Sun Flare

A sun flare occurs when light hits your lens. Different lenses render different types of flares, so this effect is very fun to try with different types of equipment. To achieve a flare, just move your lens around until you see the light hit it through the viewfinder.

During the golden hour, the sun is at its optimal height for this exact outcome. A simple way to achieve a flare is to move your camera and lens so that your subject is only partially covering the sun. Move around (sometimes you only need to move an inch or two left or right) to find the angle that best creates a sun flare. Another way to achieve a flare is to position your lens and camera so the sun is just out of the frame.

Read more on sun flares: How to Photograph Sun Flares: 14 Tips for Beginners

An example of a sun flare.

A different type of sun flare.

Silhouette

A silhouette is created when your subject is completely black without detail, against a bright background. When the sun is near the end of the golden hour, it becomes fairly easy to achieve a silhouette. Photograph your subject directly against the light, and add some contrast in post-processing.

An example of a silhouette at golden hour.

There are several tips to truly take advantage of the golden hour. Here are a few to help you:

1. Observe the sky the day before

The best way to figure out when the golden hour will be at its peak is by observation! Peek out of the window the day before your photo session, and see how the sun moves and how the light changes. This will allow you to get a better idea of what the lighting situation will be like on the day of your shoot.

2. Plan your photo session around golden hour

No one wants to feel stressed, anxious or rushed when doing photography, so be sure to plan well ahead of time! It is a good idea to begin setting up for your photo session an hour before the golden hour. That way you have plenty of time to ensure that your subject and equipment are ready for that perfect moment.

Anani Inaru with Trinket photographed at golden hour.

3. Watch out for clouds!

Depending on the level of cloud coverage in the sky, your golden hour can change (or not appear at all!). Clouds can enhance the brilliant sunrise or sunset, or they can block your view.

4. Set your White Balance to Cloudy

By changing your White Balance setting, you ensure that the images you produce hold true to the colors you want to appear. This allows you to get the warm look the golden hour is famous for – choose Cloudy or Shade to add even more warmth and golden hues to your images.

5. Shoot with a wide aperture

How the light dances during this brilliant hour can make for an incredible bokeh (the aesthetic quality of the out-of-focus parts of a photograph). The dazzling yellows, reds, oranges, and golds make a rather exceptional backdrop.

Golden hour bokeh.

6. Keep photographing, because the light will change every couple of minutes!

The sun moves faster than you may expect, so keep shooting and don’t stop! Every position of the sun will create a brand new image for you to take.

7. Try different angles and positions.

The sun flares, colors, and intensity of the light in your image are all affected by how you angle your lens. Experiment and try as many different positions as humanly possible! The best way to get the absolute most out of the golden hour is to take advantage of how easy it is to manipulate this unique lighting situation.

8. Underexpose a bit to add more vibrancy

You can always lighten up your subject(s) in post-processing, but it is harder to darken an overexposed image. Underexpose just a bit to bring out the beautiful vibrancy of the sunset or sunrise.

9. Explore the use of HDR

Photograph multiple exposures and then layer them on top of one another in post-processing, and see how many incredible lighting details you can achieve. Read more on HDR: Step by Step How to Use HDR Merge in Lightroom

10. Play with post-processing

What colors can you bring out in your image? Use post-processing to really enhance the colors that you capture. You will be surprised at what colors you can see when the sky has a few clouds in it.

Conclusion

The golden hour is full of limitless possibilities, and no two photographs will look the same. Experimentation is key, explore the light. How do you use golden hour for your photography? Share your thoughts and images below.

The post How to Get the Most Out of Photographing at Golden Hour by Anabel DFlux appeared first on Digital Photography School.

from Digital Photography School https://digital-photography-school.com/how-photograph-golden-hour/