#u never did anything mean or cruel to me i remember sitting in your freshman year dorm bed with you across from me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mistymazzello · 4 years

Text

Cruel Summer | part iv

summary-they used to be best friends, but now that y/n has a boyfriend (that everyone hates), joe and y/n can’t seem to come to terms with their feelings, but it’s no secret to anyone how they truly feel.

warnings- cussing & angst

word count- 1.6k (it’s short ik ik)

a/n-If you’re from another country, the order of grades in highschool goes freshman, sophomore, junior, senior. also, i hate the way i wrote this chapter but here u go🥺this is really just a set up for the drama that’s gonna happen next chapter

based off of cruel summer by taylor swift

Joe hadn’t said much about the girl he was bringing. All you knew was that she was coming that night. You thought about not showing up, but you needed to talk to Joe, and you kind of really wanted to see the girl he was bringing, so as you put on your makeup and got ready, you tried to keep some dignity. It was embarrassing that you just broke up with your boyfriend for someone who doesn’t want you anymore, and it was even more embarrassing that Rami and Lucy knew.

Walking into Rami’s house was a death march. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears as you walked through his front door, Lucy grabbing your hand and giving it a light squeeze.

“I’m sorry you have to do this. I know it sucks, and if you ever want to leave, just tell me and we can go.” She said quietly to you.

“Lucy,” you laughed “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” You lied.

“Alright.” she sighed.

You walked down the steps into Rami’s basement and you felt like your throat had closed up when you saw Joe. He was sitting on the couch, a girl with dark curls clung to his side, holding onto his arm as if she was scared. You almost wanted to laugh.

Lucy said hi to everyone, causing Joe and the girl to turn and look at both of you. Immediately, you locked eyes with Joe, who adjusted his grip on the girl who was practically wrapped around his side. You finally got a good look at her, and she seemed familiar, and you were pretty sure she went to your school. She was pretty, too. You started to wonder if she knew that Joe had tongued you down less than 24 hours ago. You wanted to laugh again.

“Joe, who’s this?” Lucy said, sitting in a chair next to the couch, scooting over to allow you to sit next to her. Gwil and Rami were playing pool while Ben sat in a chair across from the two of you.

“This is Vera.” He smiled.

“Hi” She smiled. “Thanks for letting me come so last minute”

You smiled and looked at Joe. “I guess it is kind of last minute, isn’t it.”

He glared at you.

“Well, I’m Lucy, and this is Y/N.”

“You look really familiar, Vera, do you go to our school?” You asked,

“Oh, yeah. I’m a Junior.” She said, her smile never breaking.

Lucy proceeded to talk to her, but you couldn’t. You silently prayed she would do something wrong so that you could hate her, but she continued to be lovely. You watched Joe intently for a while. You watched how he held onto her, how he would whisper things to her, how he treated her the way you had only dreamed of being treated by him. You realized this is what Joe felt the entire time you dated Carter. You tried to convince yourself that Joe only brought her because he likes her, not because he wanted to make you mad. You knew how conceited you sounded thinking that, but you couldn’t help it. It made sense.

You felt your phone buzz and you pulled it out. Ben had made a groupchat with everyone except Joe and Vera.

Ben-Does this seem a little weird to anyone else?

Gwilym-YES!!! There’s no way Joe was that close with someone and he didn’t tell us, right?

Ben-That’s what I thought too

Gwilym-Should I ask?

Rami-DO NOT ASK

Lucy-Maybe she’s just a clingy person by nature? Like it doesn’t have to be anything serious for them to act like that

Gwilym-They’re literally ON TOP of eachother

You sighed in relief. So you weren’t crazy.

Ben-If we all left they would 100% be fucking in ur basement rami

Rami-STOP

Lucy-I want to hate her so fucking bad but I CANT!!! WHY IS SHE SO NICE!!!!

You put your phone away and looked back at Joe and Vera. It felt like your heart had dropped to your stomach at this point, and it had only been 20 minutes.

You felt like a time bomb. You needed to tell Joe that you had broken up with Carter, and you needed to tell him how you felt.

“I’m gonna go get some water, do you guys want anything?” Joe said, standing up.

A beat passed and you stood up. “I think I’m gonna come with you.” You said casually.

He looked at you, his lips slightly parted. He knew he couldn’t protest, so he just followed you out the door and up the steps.

Your phone began buzzing as you walked into the kitchen but you were too invested in what you were about to say to look at it.

Gwilym-ASK HIM ABOUT IT

Lucy-^^^

Ben-Ask how long they’ve been a thing

Gwilym-WE WANT ANSWERS

You put your hands on the counter and watched him as he walked over to the fridge. “Joe, can we please talk.”

“I came up here to get water, not to have you mess with my emotions.”

“Please.” You begged softly.

He looked at you and sighed, then sat down at the counter.

You sat down next to him and took a deep breath. “She’s really pretty.”

He nodded.

“It’s really hard for me to sit down there and watch you with her, when less than 24 hours ago me and you-”

“You can’t get mad, Y/N. You have a fucking boyfriend! You have Carter, I’m allowed to have Vera!” He said.

“What, so you’re just gonna use Vera to make me mad until I make up my mind?” You shouted back.

“I’m not using her.” He defended.

“Yes you are, Joe!”

“Make up you’re fucking mind, then!”

“I already did.” You looked at him for a few moments. “I broke up with Carter this morning.”

He immediately looked shocked, his mouth opened then closed.

“For you, Joe. I broke up with him for you.”

“Why?” he asked.

You shook your head and stood up, walking away.

“Y/N, I’m serious, why’d you break up with Carter for me?”

You kept walking straight towards the front door, not even bothering to go back into the basement.

He grabbed your arm. “Y/N-”

“Because I love you!” You snapped. “And if you want to be with Vera that’s fine, and I know I can’t get mad because I did the exact same thing to you!”

He let go of your arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know.” you replied.

A beat passed.

“I love you, Joe. I have for a while. Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

You both stood there for a few moments and for a second, you thought he might kiss you.

He didn’t.

You didn’t see Vera at all the last week of school. You would think that since it was finals week you and Joe would have been on edge, but there was hardly any exchange between the two of you. It was awkward, and it’s not how you wanted your senior year to end. You didn’t understand how Joe was the one who kissed you first, but now you’re the only one who’s said I love you.

The day of graduation was going by quickly. You were all sitting in the gym, waiting for the ceremony to start. Lucy was crying like she had been all day, everyone was extremely emotional, but you seemed to be in denial. You hadn’t really accepted the fact that your time with your friends was coming to an end, and you didn’t want to. You were standing against the wall, your cap in your hand as you watched all of the people you had grown up with that you would never see in this setting ever again.

Joe slowly walked over to you and stood by you silently.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” He broke the silence.

“What is?”

“Just like, graduating. It feels like we just started high school and now it’s over.” He stated.

You nodded your head, trying not to think about the fact that the last time you talked to him you told him that you loved him.

“Remember how me and you were like, each other's only friends freshman year?”

You smiled. “Yeah.”

You both stood there for a while, both of you probably thinking about the same thing.

“Haven’t seen Vera all week.” you said.

He shifted. “I don’t like Vera.”

You heard teachers start calling everyone to get in order.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t.”

You looked at Joe expectantly, silently begging him to say something, anything. You wanted him to tell you that he loved you so you didn’t feel so stupid.

“I’ll see you later.” He said. Not what you wanted to hear.

You nodded.

He began to walk away but he stopped himself, then turned around. “By the way, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to ask what he meant, but he walked away. You did ask him if you saying that you loved him was the worst thing he’d ever heard, but this isn’t the kind of answer you wanted. Now you were just confused.

Gwilym was the valedictorian, so he had to give a speech. It was very professional with a few jokes, in perfect Gwilym style. You cried, Lucy cried, Joe cried (hard), even Ben cried. And that’s why, after the ceremony, you felt that it was ok that Joe hugged you. You were both sad, and you tried to convince yourself that it didn’t mean anything, but by the way he set his chin on top of your head and stroked your hair, you couldn’t help but convince yourself that it had to mean something.

You tried to make yourself forget the fact that you were in love with Joe that night. You tried to accept the fact that he wasn’t going to love you back and you needed to stop thinking he was, but everytime he said anything to you, you were convinced the next thing he would say is that he loves you.

He was convinced too, but he couldn’t do it.

taglist- @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye @briarrose26 @mrsmazzello @im-an-adult-ish @iamthebeth @cobaincreates @almightygwil @timmvrphy

#fan fiction #borhap #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello smut #joe mazzello x y/n #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello fanfic #joe mazzello fan fiction #cruel summer #borhap cast #borhap boys x reader #joe mazzello #borhap boys imagine

99 notes · View notes

valleyoflilys-blog · 7 years

Text

Insecurities, My best friend, and learning to love myself (A late night story by GRM)

Since my last day of high school is tomorrow, and I just took a long nostalgic walk I wanted to share a story about my time in high school. When I began as a freshman I was a tiny frail insecure 14 year old I an extremely abusive relationship with a very manipulative boy I had been seeing over the summer. I was shy, looked like an undeveloped 12 year old boy, wore no makeup, had very few friends, and danced 4 days a week leading to an extremely minimal social life. I was the girl whose existence was unknown and unimportant to the majority of the school, teachers and administration included. SOoo essentially my freshman year was a flop, thankfully I got out of my horrible relationship, but unfortunately I was frail and lonely and still talked to him on a daily basis. Yikes!!! The only upside is I made really good friends with this boy Josh, who was really only friends with me because he had a crush on me. So start sophomore year and here I am walking into theater class finding myself sitting in-between two boys who I kind of knew, but was not really friends with. Of course being the sweet and easily walked all over girl I still was in contact with the extremely abusive boy from ninth grade, but one day one of my “kind of friends” asked me on a date. I wanted to make my abuser jealous and realize that I deserved better than him so I said yes. And it was exactly how a date between two 15 year olds would go. Our mom’s dropped us off, his running a little late, and we stood in line awkwardly making small talk and unfunny but “hilarious” jokes while waiting in 90 degree weather for movie tickets. Eventually the movie started and he did that dumb “stretch up and move your arm over” trick that guys do to cuddle me, but I complied and all I remember is how strongly he smelled of salty sweat. Eventually the date ended and our mom’s picked us up and the next day he told me that the date didn’t mean anything so the angry and insecure side of me stormed off. Flash forward to that fall and I begin dating another asshole who treats me badly. A month later another, then another, and then another. (Are you sensing the trend???). Well eventually I find out that my “kind of friend” from theater class, who is now in my government class, is dating my childhood best friend, who I did not talk to anymore and who was a year older than us. Unfortunately for her she cheats on his, and since I knew they were together and I saw his sad social media posts I decided to be a friend and ask if he was okay. And that, was how I got my best friend. In the beginning he had a crush on me, and being the type of person I was, who only dated assholes who did not give her the time, I was not into it at all. But he was different. He wore neon blue shorts with an avengers shirt at 16 years old, he played nerdy games (magic the gathering), and he was loud and at times he was obnoxious. However, he was also extremely intelligent, friendly, and if you were close enough to him really kind. He scared me because I was the type of girl who walked with her head down and he was the type of guy who sad hey to everyone. EVERYONE knew Amery Miller. Whether it was the jock version, the all advanced classes’ version, the nerdy version, or even the loud boy who never shut up in class version. He was the kind of smart that when you had a conversation with him made you feel like you needed to do three months of research prior to talking, since he knew EVERYTHING. He was special and did not care what anyone thought of him, and we talked about everything. God we’d spend hours upon hours talking about music, politics, the future, school, anything imaginable I’m sure if the topic was the color blue we could have talked nonstop about it for three hours. He was the only person who would meet me anywhere just to talk whether it was a field, my driveway, my car, the secret back road of his mom’s neighborhood. He was so sweet and caring and so special to me way before I even acknowledged it. He was my best friend. Eventually we started dating after many stolen secret kisses and long hugs in the school parking lot. We kept it a secret for a long time, but my god he made me so happy. I loved him because when I was with him it was us against the world. That summer was perfect, and then junior year started. Junior year was hard for me mentally. My anxiety and depression took over my life. I surrounded myself with horrible friends, I let my dance teachers beat me down, and I treated my boyfriend horribly because I was sad. Because he was my escape and I didn’t understand why alone he did not make me happy anymore. I took my anger out on him, he saw me cry… A LOT. And eventually it took a toll on him too. I hurt the love of my life more than anyone because my anxiety made me clingy and scared to be alone and my depression made me angry and cruel. That next summer together was not as great. Eventually senior year started and a few weeks in we were done. My heart was shattered. I not only lost the love of my life but my best friend along with him. Thankfully mentally I began to heal, but I was never really the same as I used to be. I still got sad, and scared just not quite as frequently. My (now ex) boyfriend and I never really got over each other, but the two of us physically moved on to other people (I definitely had my fair share of drunken mistakes). Eventually after 4 long lonely months we got back together. I was ecstatic he was back and this time I was determined not to lose him. To be a better more loving and caring girlfriend, which I was. But the thing was he was not back. Not like I thought. This new guy was different. Dreamless, neglectful, frankly a little uncaring of me until I was convenient for him. He did a lot of drugs. I mean a lot. And he partied all the time. Emotionally we were never together even if physically we were back to sleeping together. I grew unhappy with him. He was never there when I needed him. He was meaner to me. Meaner to everyone. I still remember one night when I was opening up to him about my feelings towards his changes he simply told me “we’re not those 16 year olds anymore we both grew up”. And eventually for the third time (we broke up twice that previous fall) Amery and I were done. I hate to say this but honestly I thought it would hurt way more than it did. In all honesty I really only cried for about 45 minutes the first night and afterwards I felt a little happier and lighter. Which makes me feel horrible but I’m not writing this to lie to myself. I stuck around because he was sad and I wanted to help him feel better and I wanted to help convince him to stop using drugs, but the honest truth is you cannot fix people. Especially the ones that you love. Which brings us to tonight and why exactly I’m writing this. The truth is, I think what he said to me is wrong. We did not grow up, in fact I fell as if at times I was more mature as the 16 year old in my spring semester of sophomore year than I am now. While I was out walking this evening I realized as I got older I stopped taking walks. I star gazed less often, and I replaced long late night talks with partying and getting drunk with people I do not particularly care for. And that is not me. I have grown up in some ways such as I know I don’t need a man to make me happy anymore, and that I don’t need one to throw my troubles upon because I’m the only one that can fix myself, but I lost who u was in an attempt to be who others wanted me to be. And I think that’s exactly what happened to my best friend and why I lost him this year. As this year ends I’m making a pact to myself to love deeper and cry more. To feel and stop pushing it away with alcohol and bad make out sessions. I want to wear less makeup and I want to help more people. Laugh more obnoxiously and wear whatever the hell I want whenever I want. And most importantly to bring back those deep conversations. Whether it mean I stay up late, or wake up early. I want to talk politics and religion, healthcare, racism, art, emotions, past stories, future dreams. I’m going to stop looking for that in shitty easy boys and find more boys like 16 year old Amery. Even if it means I’m lonely at times. I want to party less and spend more time alone. Learn to love myself for my acne and my stubbornness and learn to love and manage my flaws as much as I love my heart. High school sucked, but these past few months have really changed me for the better and as this new path begins and my old one ends I can only hope to one day find a best friend amazing as my 16 year old self had because he was a blessing in disguise as a loud obnoxious beautiful curly headed boy and I hope that one day he learns to love himself as much as I did. So some may live life thinking the world sucks and life sucks, but it is all about perspective and I know I’m on this earth to make a difference and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Whether it’s in the lives of curly headed sad boys, poor starving children, those discriminated against, or maybe even the lives of my own children one day. One thing I can leave high school knowing is that life is too short to waste it fighting and being sad, so I’m going to spend more moments loving and being kind. Here’s to growing up.

*,��5#

#I'm so sorry this is so long #I'm such a sentimental lady #Here's to the end of an era

1 note · View note