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parf-fan · 4 years

Text

Unsolicited and incomplete list of highlights from Improv Technology’s May 23rd show

In little-to-no particular order.

“I thought we weren’t doing a musical”

Alexis transforming herself into Don Alonso.

Davis Handle

Michael Stahler doing a live Animal Planet special with Hoagie and Milo.

“Which Brady Bunch am I??”

Jonathan's entire hotel experience.

“I wanna be entirely clear, visible, vulnerable, perhaps supple, and maybe even emotionally contemplative with the press.”

Alex's face immediately after Chat Roulette.

Alexis loudly bursting into a vaguely Scottishy-piratey accent.

Michael getting to do a quick science talk during Objection.

Jonathan's ASMR persona stabbing themself in the eye with their glasses.

Joe's genuinely brilliant hosting.

“Who among us has not slapped through Jonathan before?”

Most likely to start an improv show eight minutes late.

“What number show is this for you guys?”

“I can hear you as clearly as I can hear your sins!”

“We doin' a show y'all?”

“I will say that my dog just leaped off of an— anyway.”

“Holy bananas.”

“No. This is just a personal Alexis-to-Jonathan threat.”

Michael trying to start a joke three times in One-Eighty-Five before managing it.

Michael's video freezing in the middle of the joke.

Michael patterspeaking to make up for it.

Alex in Press Conference as Batman changing his superhero name to Bearman.

Everybody's reactions to hearing that prompt.

This is the second time Alex has been Batman in an Improv Technology show.

the crimes that you kermitted

“You the bitch Satan lookin' for.” “I am the bitch Satan's looking for!”

Katelyn tapping on Weston

“Yo, you were just possessed there for a moment, that was beautiful.”

The gross Zoom incompetency of this show. Literally, I was crying from laughter. This must be what Disasterpiece is like in-universe.

“...facebook dot com, you know, the website?”

“Not you, though. You are the worst child I've ever read to.”

Joe's description of Alexis completely fitting Michael, too.

“ComPLaINtS??? WE've gotten WRitTeN COmpLAiNts!!!!”

“Church had gotten boring.”

“In honor of Adam Shepley:” *dramatically opens carbonated drink*

“I have to stop a disaster, one second, my dog's about to jump on my cat, one second.”

Everybody's faces at that.

“Yeah, I can make up some references to a show I haven't seen.”

Alexis's little grin when Haley brings up otters.

Michael quietly threatening the audience to coerce them into donating.

“Mike, stop talking to them.” “I—I– I wasn't! I wasn't.”

Michael continuing to quietly threaten.

“Is the dog back? Are you okay?” “No, my family's at the door.”

“Christians are weird.”

The false start on Michael’s press conference

“What I sound like doesn't matter at all, and I've forgotten the accent since the last time I saw you.”

“Good Cop, Bad Cop; otherwise known as Here's A Glass Of Milk, Gimme That Glass Of Milk.”

Their faces at that.

An objection being called at that alternate name.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

“I'm.....Walt?”

grrrrounded

Arc Hamm

“Oh. Shocker. Another play where half the cast is dead before the end of Act One.”

The beard reveal ™.

Jonathan's reaction.

Michael putting sunglasses atop his regular glasses to be the bad cop.

“Get the heckin' heck out of here!”

Michael's nyooming onscreen entrance as bad cop.

Ailey Karlson

Weston and Hoagie helping close out the show

“Uhh, guys?”

“Oh, huntey, you bein' hunted?”

nocableinmychildhood.com

Michael: *foghorn sounds* “Correct the record.”

“I am insulted at the idea that I am three times the size of Shrek.”

Alexis slipping up and dropping the f-bomb.

Michael Stahler (Horace Tanningrove) unveiling a beer.

Once Michael realizes that he's meant to be marketing beer, he starts sounding like a middle schooler writing an essay on a book he didn't read, and I think that's beautiful.

“I guess Jeff is definitely gonna have to control this game.”

“Let's see what Christian Mingle in this part of Georgia has to offer.”

Michael pulling a hairbrush out of nowhere as a visual aid

“Remember CD-roms?”

Michael: “You [Haley and Alexis] are better at facial hair than I am!”

“So you hiding from Satan and looking for vampires?” “Yes.” “Girl, you need help.”

Alex breaking the fourth wall to tell all men to get rid of cargo pants, and Michael promptly standing up and grabbing a pair of cargo pants from off camera to throw them somewhere else off camera.

Joe's absurdly beautiful origin story.

“ 'Aye aye Captain' is damn right.”

Michael quickly starting to analyze everybody's facial/skeletal structures before remembering that Alex literally played a snake.

Michael himself then briefly becoming a snek.

Alex saying his address over the internet while Alexis hastily tries to prevent it.

Jonathan apparently not having writing implements at the beach?

“I could honestly watch this for the full hour.” “I could not. Please.”

“That would've been a good one, but no.”

“Are you colourblind?” “Yes.”

“Can I let my cat out of the room?”

“Please donate to our Venmo so we can take improv classes.”

“Children can't drink beer.” “Not with that attitude, they can't.”

Porous Tanningrove

“Thought has occurred.”

“Well at least I can drink my name-brand soda without having to hide it.”

“Also here, my little sister, in some cases, not really, she's not adopted, we just say things sometimes.”

“Objection! As long as your cells are able to metastasize[?], you have a life.”

“Sshould I write any of that down?”

“I'm a sexy boi.” –Alexis, quite rightly

“How did you know how moist I was?”

Katelyn deadass namedropping her persona in Press Conference and not realizing that's who she is.

“Oh my god I almost lost my mother's place in a book!”

“I'm ready to get crusty with it. I regret saying that.”

“Why do you get so close to the screen”

“We stan David.”

Michael petting his dog while everyone else discusses the prompt.

“Are you a specific pirate?” “What?” “Are you specific? Or AtlanticHAHAHA!”

Everybody hivemindedly putting on cockney accents of various degrees of dreadfulness upon hearing the phrase “a new brew” and just. not stopping.

Seriously, what was up with that, it was insane.

Hilarious, but insane.

Michael correcting Jonathan's misuse of “objective” vs. “subjective”.

Everybody's faces immediately after.

“Objection! I sent you a foot pic a mere two weeks ago.” “That's true.”

“Ah swear, Ah'll goe out an' find yer entire family and gut ye liyke a fish!”

Hoagie waving goodbye.

“Oh, if you look upon these, they're not just simply rubber ducks: one of them is wearing a leather harness.”

#less than two minutes into the show i knew i'd have to do a highlights post #next time i should just leave 'em in the order they happened #this was ridiculous #and it just occurred to me that probably a significant number of y'all may not be aware of improv technology #tumblr and facebook do not have the biggest ven diagram overlap after all #so uh i guess i'll make a post about that tomorrow #for now just know that folk from the improv track use zoom to perform and stream imporv shows on saturdays now #improv technology #improv #improv track #parf improv track #parf #pa ren faire #pa renn faire #pa renaissance faire #pennsylvania renaissance faire #perhaps only tangentially but that's why we have this group so it goes under that tag regardless

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crazedlunatic · 5 years

Text

Blaine Meets the Colloway’s

“Oh no. Someone fucked up because Charlie’s here and Dad just let someone in.”

“Sammy, please.”

“That’s his friend who he likes. I met him. Daddy lets him steal his stuff off his desk.”

“Emily, honey, there is a difference in borrowing and stealing. How many times do I have to tell you this?”

“Let the girl use her imagination. Honestly, if someone would steal stuff off of his desk he probably would be a lot happier.”

“Grandma, I don’t think it works that way.”

“Oh no, what did Brady do? This is definitely a Brady.”

“Told you it’s chaos.” Bob said as Blaine listened to several different people talking over each other in the other room. “Don’t have four kids… or let Kurt’s parents move in.”

Blaine, who was looking around the very nicely decorated house, turned his attention to Bob.

“Just so you know, I have a literal mini me… sometimes when we don’t warn people they react like we’re the twins from The Shining which is really annoying so please don’t.” Bob added.

“Mini me?”

As if on cue, a young guy who looked exactly like Bob but twenty years younger came into the hallway.

“Hey, Dad.” The guy waved, a baby in his arms.

“Hey, Charlie. This is my intern, Blaine.” Bob said, gesturing at Blaine.

“Hey. I’d shake your hand but she just fell asleep… with all of that talking. I wish I could do that.” Charlie yawned.

Bob took the baby. “Go nap before Emma realizes you’ve been gone too long.”

“You’re the real MVP, Dad.” The guy, Charlie, left the room.

“He is actually a clone. Not a mini me. Because you two are the same height and look exactly alike.” Blaine looked at Bob.

“Yeah and my youngest son doesn’t look like me at all but acts and talks exactly like I do.” Bob shrugged one shoulder and smiled, looking at the baby. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Uhm, no thank you.” Blaine’s eyes widened.

“I didn’t want to give her up anyway.” Bob shrugged and walked into the kitchen with Blaine.

Blaine looked around, seeing an older couple at the table with Emily. His wife Sarah was at the stove saying something to… herself, maybe, since nobody was next to her? A woman that was probably just under Blaine’s age, that he assumed was Charlie’s wife was sitting at the island, also looking half asleep. A preteen boy was scrolling on his phone at the island next to her, looking very bored.

“Oh no. He’s brought an intern. Who did what?” The oldest man looked amused.

“Did you already forget about my car?” Bob deadpanned, handing the baby off to the young woman who came to take over.

“What happened to your car?” The man asked, looking confused.

Bob let out a sigh and the man grinned as the older woman hit his shoulder and sent him a look that clearly said ‘stop.’

“These are my parents. My dad is a comedian.” Bob sighed. “Everyone, this is Blaine.”

“Oh my God. He has curls.” Sarah gasped. “I did not see those last time.”

“I spilled something on myself and had to shower… and didn’t have enough time to, uhm, deal with them.” Blaine admitted.

“Don’t be too hard on Brady.” Bob’s mother said, giving Bob a look.

“He got drunk and totaled my car!” Bob exclaimed.

“Well at least he didn’t bring an alpaca home.” Bob’s dad gave an over-exaggerated shrug, causing the youngest son to laugh loudly.

“Please let’s not talk about that. It’s stressful.” Sarah sighed, coming over and hugging Blaine as though she’d met him several times. “How are you, sweetie?”

“I’m good. How are you?” Blaine asked.

“Well I’ve been better.” Sarah smiled and looked at Robbie. “You know he’s still pretty pissed. What if he’s mean to Blaine?”

“Then I’ll be mean right back to him once Blaine leaves.” Bob said very seriously.

“Oh, why bother waiting to let him see how you really are?” The preteen asked. “You know, mean and an asshole?”

“Quit cursing!” Sarah exclaimed. “You are not your father.”

“He pretty much is.” Bob’s dad interrupted. “If he and Charlie swapped looks, they would pretty much be the same.”

“It’s true.” Bob’s mom added, smiling at Blaine.

Sarah sighed as the back door opened and a boy who looked right in-between the age of Charlie and Sam (Sammy?) walked in. He had Sarah’s hair and skin tone but Bob’s eyes—he was also taller like Bob. So far, he was the kid that looked the most like both Sarah and Bob.

“Dead man walking.” Sam sang, not even glancing up.

“Dad, no.” The boy glared.

“Oh, yes. You totaled my car and I haven’t killed you yet so you should actually be begging for your life.” Bob said, sounding irritated.

“Also,” Sarah said from across the kitchen. “You were supposed to come home right after school.”

“I had practice.”

“Wrong. I called the school.” Sarah gave him a look.

“I’m going to my room.”

“Great. This is Blaine and you’re going to talk to him. Actually, you don’t even have to talk back but you will listen to him.” Bob said sternly.

“Seriously?” Brady scoffed.

“You want to play soccer, right? Your coach already called me today about whether he should allow you to play. If you don’t seriously talk to him, I’m telling him to not let you.” Bob blinked at him.

“Fine.” He snapped and then said, in a much nicer tone, “I’m the horrible middle child in the family. Nice to meet you. Come to my room in a cupboard under the stairs.”

Blaine followed Brady out—first, thinking that he was actually super happy to hear a Harry Potter reference. And second, finding it hilarious that Bob’s dad let out a very loud laugh at that.

“So, how did you get him to like you?” Brady asked after going into his room and closing the door behind them. “He basically hates everyone.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Blaine said, sitting at Brady’s desk chair since Brady had sat on his bed.

“Have you actually met him?” Brady tilted his head. “He’s an asshole.”

“You’re kind of being one right now too.” Blaine shrugged.

“Do you even like him? Because honestly he runs most of the interns off.” Brady said.

“I’m actually here to talk about you and not your dad.” Blaine said slowly. “But, yes. I do like him. I think he’s a great person.”

“Try living with him.” Brady sighed. “You probably wouldn’t say the same thing.”

“They’re just worried about you.”

“Why would they be worried about me?”

“Because you totaled a car after driving drunk last night?” Blaine tilted his head.

Brady made eye contact but didn’t say anything.

“He mostly wanted me to talk to you because I, uhm… did the same thing when I was your age. Actually, when I was 16 and had only had my learner’s permit for two days… so it was a bit worse…” Blaine admitted, feeling weird.

He hadn’t even talked to Kurt about this really.

Yet here he was, for the second time in one day, telling someone that wasn’t Kurt.

“So, we’re both stupid.” Brady sighed.

“Yeah.” Blaine nodded.

“Why’d you do it?”

“I was drunk and someone said something that pissed me off… and I wanted to do something stupid because of it. Literally. That was my thought process. I’m pissed and drunk, so I’m going to do something stupid. So I stole my best friend’s brand new car and was caught going, like, 35 miles over the speed limit or something… I even went to jail. I mean, they held me in a separate place but… yeah, I did all that stuff. Picture, thumb prints…”

Brady nodded.

“And my parents did the same thing. Got me out and had it taken off my record… which is why I work for Bob—well, for your dad, now. Why did you do it?”

“I’m having a hard time I guess.” Brady shrugged, glancing to make sure the door was still closed.

“Want to talk about it?”

“You’re gay, right? I mean… no offense. But I don’t think you’d wear those shoes if you were straight.”

Blaine frowned, unable to tell if he was about to be rude or not. “Yes, I am.”

“If I ask you something will you not tell my dad?”

“Are you in trouble?” Blaine asked slowly.

“So next year I start at NYU… I have already signed a lease with my girlfriend… she might be pregnant for the second time… and I am 100% sure that I might be gay. Well, that I am. Gay.” Brady said, looking at the ceiling.

“Oh.” Blaine’s eyes widened.

Because, sure, he didn’t have the best gaydar in the world… Brady, however, hadn’t even given off a blip.

“And she also said if she is pregnant, she’s keeping it this time.” Brady added, looking back down finally. “So, yeah. I’m not even eighteen and I’ve probably already fucked up my life. Meanwhile Mom and Dad are busy taking care of my really sick grandfather, my older brother doesn’t have time for me anymore, my godfather lives all the way in New York and can’t make a trip down for three weeks even though my life is spiraling out of control, and my best friend isn’t talking to me because I’m acting like… well, like my dad. So, life is going great.”

“I’m sorry.” Blaine said, watching him carefully. “If you told your godfather how much was going on, I’m sure he’d come down.”

“No. He can’t. He’s a lawyer like Dad and takes on eve bigger cases.” Brady frowned. “And it’s not like I can even come out. There’s already so much going on and, honestly, I don’t even want Dad to know.”

“Why not?” Blaine asked, shocked.

“Because he’s been saying something was wrong and making me go to counselors and stuff… I really don’t want to prove him right.” Brady let out a sarcastic laugh. “So, I guess I just play straight dad until the kid is 18 if she is pregnant again?”

“First of all…” Blaine said. “What you have going on matters just as much as the other stuff going on with your grandparents and everything… I don’t know anyone else in your family but Bob is really… I mean, he’s always been really understanding and supportive with me and I’ve had a difficult upbringing.”

“You’re not his kid, though.”

“He’s not supportive?” Blaine asked, shocked.

Then again… Brady did seem to be upset and when Blaine was upset, he wasn’t very rational himself. Hence the drunk driving and arrest.

“Let’s just say we aren’t exactly getting along right now and haven’t been for a while… really, probably since I figured it out.”

“Because you’re scared of coming out and pushing him away?” Blaine asked.

“You really are going to be a lawyer, aren’t you?” Brady laughed a bit. “Fine. How’d your dad take it then?”

“Horribly. Conversion camps and I ended up basically running away and living with my friends and their parents until college… that’s the long story short.” Blaine bit his lip.

Brady’s eyes widened and he waited several seconds before saying, “Okay. You win.”

Blaine smiled a bit. “It will be okay. You should tell him.”

“I’m not ready yet. To tell anyone really… but you’re gay and I don’t know where Ryan lives.” Brady bit his own lip.

“That’s okay. I won’t say anything.” Blaine promised. “But if you ever need to talk… I mean, don’t you all even know the Caldwell family? Would you feel comfortable talking to Matt?”

“Oh, I can’t even look him in the eye.” Brady shrugged. “That should have been the tip off when I was ten. I just blush.”

“I can see that.” Blaine laughed again. “He’s dating one of my best friends. He’s really nice but kind of overwhelmingly attractive until you get used to him.”

“I’m sure he is nice. All the Caldwell’s are known for it… thanks for the suggestion, though.”

“What about Charlie?”

“I love Charlie but he’s a worry wart and will tell Dad anything ‘serious’ that’s bothering me. That’s why I don’t really talk to him about it anymore.” Brady said. “Not the serious stuff… and not about thinking I’m gay. Uhm, knowing I’m gay. He doesn’t know that.”

“Do you want my number? In case you ever want to talk and your dad not know about it?” Blaine asked. “If I can’t answer right away, I will as soon as I can.”

“I can take it but I probably won’t use it.” Brady admitted, holding his phone out for Blaine.

“Just a tip. May want to change your wallpaper if you don’t want them to figure it out.” Blaine joked, seeing a picture of Brendon Urie on it. He then typed in his number and held the phone back out. “Just text me if you want to… or call too, I guess, but nobody really talks on the phone anymore.”

“Thanks.”

“And if you need a DD, you can text or call too.” Blaine added.

“I actually don’t usually drink but thanks.” Brady said, standing. Which was funny because when Bob wanted to end a conversation and they were in his office, he’d always stand as a signal too. “What?”

“Your dad does that too. Stands when he’s ready to end the conversation.” Blaine pointed out.

Brady groaned like he’d just been told he was losing an arm and led his way out of the bedroom saying, “That was very rude.”

….

“So… what do you think?”

Blaine, who was standing on Bob’s front porch with him about to leave, shrugged.

Bob gave him a look.

“I think that you may want to calm down and talk to him in a few days. He seems like he feels bad for what happened…”

Bob raised his eyebrow. “And?”

“And I think he has a lot going on so maybe… be a little less angry than you want to be.” Blaine said.

“He told you something.”

“He did.” Blaine nodded. “However, I told you to not listen so I’m not going to tell you what he said. Just… try to be open to anything he might say?”

“Wait. What?” Bob asked.

“I know you’re worried but he’ll be okay. Just be there and open when he’s ready to talk to you.” Blaine said. “I really do need to go. I know you gave me extra days for that paper but I’ve got other stuff due to so I need to go home and do your paper…”

Bob gave him a suspicious look.

“Your family is great. Your mom is so sweet and your dad is hilarious.” Blaine smiled. “And your wife and kids are great too, so… thanks for letting me eat with you all tonight.”

Bob’s facial expression softened and he nodded. “Any time. Really.”

“Well I’m not coming into the office tomorrow so I’ll kind of see you in class but really see you on Wednesday?” Blaine asked, feeling somewhat awkward.

Was it weird to say that?

Then again, was Blaine just weird all together?

“I’ll see you Wednesday. Be careful getting home, okay?” Bob asked.

“You too. I mean, have a good night.” Blaine looked confused.

“Do you need an extra day on that paper?” Bob asked.

“No.” Blaine shook his head. “I’ll be careful and sort of see you tomorrow. Good night, Bob.”

“G’night, Blaine.” Bob said, waiting for Blaine to back out of the driveway before going inside and locking the door.

“Well, he was nice.” Bob’s dad said from the couch.

“Yeah.” Bob said, sitting on the couch with him.

“That’s the one, then? With the crappy homelife that’s had the panic attacks?” He asked him.

“Yeah.”

“Do both of yourselves a favor and don’t let him leave your practice. You already look and talk to him like you do your kids.” Bob’s dad gave him a pointed look.

“No, I don’t.” Bob made a face.

“Fine. Then you don’t.” His dad shrugged. “You didn’t like Sarah either, though, and here we are. You also didn’t want more than two kids… or to be a high profile lawyer… or to—”

“Okay. I get it.” Bob sighed.

“Sometimes you end up right where you’re supposed to be, Robbie. Kinda like with Sarah.”

“That’s different, Dad.”

“Is it really, though?” Bob’s mom asked, coming in. “You got yourself in a pickle looking over that will stuff, didn’t you?”

“I may have.” Bob took a deep breath.

“There is nothing wrong with caring about someone.” Bob’s dad gave him a look. “It sounds like he might need it honestly.”

“He was so sweet too.” Bob’s mom said. “I think he and Charlie could be very good friends. Plus, Sarah loves him.”

“Well there might something wrong caring about someone when it’s your intern who has already been offered a job.” Bob said. “It looks inappropriate.”

“Since when have you cared about what people thought?”

Bob didn’t say anything.

“And if what you’ve said about his homelife is true, he needs someone. He obviously cares about you if he came to your house to talk to a pissed off stranger who I can guarantee probably wasn’t all that nice to him.” Bob’s mom said.

“You walked into that boy’s life for a reason just like you walked into Sarah’s.” Bob’s dad said. “Don’t give two flying fucks what anyone else thinks. You’ve already bonded with the kid. He’s clearly already bonded with you. He needs someone in his corner and that someone is you.”

Bob nodded, still not speaking.

“We’re going to head to bed.” His mom stood and helped up his father. “Can you help us up the stairs?”

Bob nodded and headed to the stairs, patiently waiting for his parents to make it over—only because his father got annoyed when he hovered or walked slowly behind them.

“Still not happy we’re moving before I got my elevator.” His dad huffed when Bob helped him up the stairs.

“You can thank Brady for following Charlie to New York for that one, Dad.”

“That kid’s going to New York too, right? Blaine?” His dad asked.

“Yes.” Bob said, voice even.

“Good.” Bob’s mom smiled, following behind them. “Because we like him.”

“Yeah. I do too.”

#dunno I've just always pictured Bob's dad being the one to give Bob the push to REALLY connect with Blaine #like bob wants too but feels weird about it #and his dad's like 'no sorry he's our new grandchild bye'#wbuct drabble #bob bob bob #i also like brady confiding in him too #i just have colloway feels guys

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r-fenghuang-fanfiction · 6 years

Text

Coming to Terms Ch 038

Liam rises to the smell of toast and soap and the sound of a car pulling up outside. He tries to lift his head but his muscles feel like jell-o. A solid weight on his shoulder surprises him.

"Don't get up yet." Theo orders.

"Not unless you wanna pass out again."

"Huh?" Liam responds intelligently. The corner of Theo's mouth twitches, wanting to smile.

"You've been asleep for five days. You've had an IV, but you should probably eat something before you try running any marathons." It's a weak attempt at nonchalance and Liam ignores it, indulging his impulses instead and reaching for Theo's fingers, grip weak but sure.

Something in Theo's chest hitches, but he doesn't say anything.

Mason and Corey burst into the room and Liam has to stop Theo from drawing away. Theo pouts at him but Liam ignores that as well, happilly accepting his best friend's embrace one-armed. Corey is the first to see it but he makes no comment, smiling and offering Liam a 'good morning.'

Mason keeps rambling, gripping Liam at the elbow with one hand and wildly gesticulating with the other. He gets tired eventually and finishes with:

"Also, you missed another test in biology. It was harsh." Liam groans, defeated, but Corey chimes in saying he took notes and Liam loves him a little. Mason finally notices Theo and Liam's fingers.

"Oh my god, Liam! All the hot guys, it's so unfair!" He groans, shaking his head and running a hand down his face. Corey frowns.

"What about me?" He asks, full puppy eyes and jutting bottom lip.

"You're perfect, Babe. Hot's too small a word for you." He answers without missing a beat, giving Corey a quick peck. Liam grimaces and Theo rolls his eyes.

"Do you have to? I'm literally bed-ridden. I have no way to escape." Liam whines.

"You could go out the window. I could throw you." Theo suggests and Liam scowls at him.

"I'm gonna punch you in the face." Liam snaps and Theo stops smirking.

Scott and Stiles eventually come back, Scott saving the food tray in the nick of time as Stiles drops it and screeches.

"ARE THEY HOLDING HANDS?! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE?!" He shouts, jumping five feet in the air. Corey runs to take the food tray, allowing Scott to restrain Stiles as Liam once again stops Theo from trying to escape.

"Stiles, I told you, they're friends now. You said you respected Liam's choices!" Scott petitions, trying to calm his brother down.

"YOU DIDN'T SAY THEY'D BE HOLDING HANDS! YOU'RE LETTING A SERIAL KILLER HOLD OUR SON'S HAND?!" Stiles continues, voice thick and high with betrayal. Theo flinches and Liam turns to him, squeezing slightly until Theo looks at him. Scott sighs.

"It's not that bad, Stiles. I hugged Peter once." He admonishes. Stiles' eyes bug, but he's a little calmer.

"You did what?! When?! Where was I?!" He demands.

"You were at Quantico. Malia was going to Paris and Peter went with her. I hugged them both." Scott shrugs. Stiles full body shudders and takes a step away from him.

"Oh my god. We are not the Brady Bunch! I swear, if you try to make me hug Jackson, I will end this friendship." He threatens. Scott grabs his shoulders and looks him dead in the eye.

"I will never make you hug Jackson." He promises. Stiles almost relaxes, until Scott adds:

"But Lydia might." Stiles freezes for a whole ten seconds before he hangs his head in defeat and throws his palms up.

"Fine, fine. I give up. But I refuse to speak to him." He sniffles indignantly, Scott stepping forward to comfort him.

"Like I was gonna try to start a conversation?" Theo grumbles under his breath. Stiles glares at him, making an 'I'm watching you' gesture over Scott's shoulder before going back downstairs. Scott throws a reassuring little grin back at Liam before following him.

"I think he took that really well." Corey pitches in, holding out Liam's food as Theo and Mason help him sit up. He's slightly dizzy, but okay. He lets go of Theo's hand so he can grab the tray and Theo twitches, chasing after him for a moment before backing away, clearing his throat. Liam's heart skips and Theo's cheeks heat, but no one says anything.

Liam puts a grilled-cheese in his mouth and forgets about it, happy to get lost in the drone of Mason's rambling.

#thiam

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stopthepres · 6 years

Text

“who’s texting you?”

doe shifts in closer in our lori’s booth to rest her head on my shoulder, using what looks like innocent affection to spy on a few incoming messages from cait. she huffs and rolls her eyes so i don’t even bother to respond, shoving my phone into my pocket to keep it away from her.

the last thing i need is her sending a pissed off response. she’s been known to hijack my phone when she’s unsatisfied with how i’m handling a conversation.

“she’s just being cait,” i explain, worried about a potential explosion. “it’s whatever.”

“it’s whatever?” doe lifts her head off my shoulder and reaches for my milkshake glass to slide it in front of her instead because she’s already finished hers. or maybe she thinks i don’t deserve to finish my own drink. “she’s being a total nightmare.”

“she’s your friend,” i remind her. i don’t understand the politics of how women work but i suspect it’s way more advanced than anything that happens between men. “you should probably be nice to her now that teddy’s all wifed up.”

“she should stop trying to talk to you when she knows we’re on a date.”

“when she thinks we’re on a date.” i regret making this distinction immediately when i feel doe’s elbow make rough contact with my ribs. “hey, what the hell did i do?”

“you’re going to blow our cover!”

“literally nobody is listening to us right now.” sometimes i get the feeling doe thinks we’re on a really low budget reality show. or maybe she’s practicing just in case we ever get the offer from e! because they’ve run out of other stupid content. “plus,” i go on, booping the tip of her nose with my finger, “you already posted sappy anniversary stuff on both our accounts so mission accomplished, yeah?”

“that doesn’t mean romance is dead now, p.” doe knocks her shoulder against mine and then leans in to take a sip from my milkshake, making sure not to break eye contact with me. “we’ve been pulling this off pretty good. we don’t want to screw it up.”

we’ve been doing this fake dating thing for a month now. and a month may not seem like enough reason to pull out the anniversary word but me and doe don’t generally last beyond the first date with most people we meet. my dad is starting to latch onto the idea that this is my big chance at all the things i’ve been telling him for years i don’t want.

i still don’t want those things but doe and i celebrated our month long experiment with commitment anyways. for appearances mostly but it’s not like i’d ever turn down going to a cheesy skate rink and then coming to lori’s once our legs tired out. i fell so many times but doe always helped me back up again. there’s a metaphor in this but it’s lazy and we’re better than that.

my phone goes off again before i can say anything to doe’s complaining and her superhuman hearing notices it chiming in my pants. her eyes narrow and she shifts in closer but i scoot away to keep the same distance. “what are you doing?”

“is that her again?” she sounds ready to draw blood. “you need to check.”

“better yet, we can ignore her,” i suggest slowly. “or whoever it is.”

“has she been texting you a lot lately? i didn’t realize you two, like, gave a shit about each other.”

right about now i wish i could hit rewind to the moment during the corny couples skate when she guided me back against a wall to kiss me even though my legs threatened to slide out from underneath me. her mouth tasted like cherry coke and i couldn’t stop thinking about how badly i wanted to get my hands underneath her skirt. i have no idea how it’s possible for one person to drive me out of my fucking mind.

not always in a good way though. because right now we’re not making out. right now she’s glaring at me like i’ve wronged her even though she isn’t really my girlfriend. if this relationship actually existed, i still don’t see the problem with talking to somebody we’ve both known a long fucking time.

“why are you acting like this is a big deal?” i take my milkshake back and she rolls her eyes while making a show of turning her head away from me while crossing her arms. “all she does is ask about me and you 99% of the time so it’s harmless.”

“or she’s waiting for me to inevitably piss you off so she can be all cool girl about it and get you to want to fuck her instead.”

suddenly i feel stupid. why else would cait be so interested in what i have to say lately? she’s never paid much attention to me. there’s always been other guys to keep her distracted. or she straight up leaves the room within five minutes of me showing up half the time. doe’s made a lot of overdramatic accusations over the years but this one? this one makes sense.

“so you think she’s jealous?” i sound excited at the possibility this could be true and i immediately regret letting my voice squeak upward like that. i’m embarrassed by it, sure. it’s definitely the opposite of attractive. and yet the regret comes from knowing i will never hear the end of it if doe thinks i want cait to be jealous. that’s not part of the plan.

it’s getting harder to pin point why we’re doing all of this now that no other girl has shown interest in me since teddy’s wedding.

“why does it matter?” she finally turns back to me and i can feel how annoyed she is. that energy fucking radiates from doe. sometimes i think i can feel it clear across town when she purposely leaves my texts on read for hours than only sends a shrug emoji when she finally responds. “she’s not your type.”

“maybe i don’t have a type?”

“well, maybe you don’t have a girlfriend either.”

“…uh, right. i don’t.” and i laugh.

i laugh when i’m so nervous it’s hard to figure out what else to say. doe knows that but this is one of those moments when doe doesn’t care she knows me better than anybody else. it doesn’t matter she knows i laughed when my parents told me they were splitting up for good. i laughed when the counselor told me i might fail the eighth grade after missing too many days of school for reasons we really don’t need to get into right now. i laughed when i caught my college girlfriend cheating on me. i laughed when i got a pile of rejection letters from all the east coast schools i thought would get me out of here.

i laughed when we thought brady might be sick again. that was the worst one.

so i laugh when it hits me how insane it is i’ve been putting all my time into a fake relationship when someone like cait might potentially want me. yeah, i’m all about scaring off boring people but would it be the worst to find someone who genuinely wants me as a boyfriend?

it feels a lot like doe won’t ever be that person. if this is only a game, she’s never going to love me, right?

“right. you don’t.” she sounds so sure of it that my stomach somehow starts to digest the rest of my internal organs. “i’m not your girlfriend, preston. damn. sucks to be you! everything’s soooo hard for you. wow! spending all your time with me because of this! what a rough time for you.”

“oh my god, i never said any of that.” i laugh again. god, i need to stop letting that shit bubble up before i can stop it. “being with you all the time is actually really fucking easy doe. like, way easier than anything else in the world. it’s just-“

“just what?” doe sounds like she’s giving me challenge instead of posing a question and i’m not brave enough to meet her halfway.

i’m not ready to face why suddenly it feels easier to think about cait’s eyes and her laugh and how it felt the one time she moved a curl away from my forehead when i had a fever while doe was out of town with nate. fucking nate! how the hell did he get doe in a way i haven’t? where’s the freaking justice in that?

“just forget it,” i sigh, grabbing the copy of our check off the table and sliding out of the booth as fast as i can. “i’m gonna pay and we can bounce.”

she trails behind me mumbling god knows what, staring at her phone while tapping out messages that i’m sure are going to teddy or kat or whoever earned the privilege of dealing with her current state of rage. she leaves me alone to deal with the cashier and i find her standing by my car with her arms crossed again, leaning against the passenger side door.

“are you seriously mad at me?” i step in closer and she bites her lip when i tap the toe of my shoe against hers. “i’d, like, delete her number if you asked me to and that’s not even a joke. you know that. i’m fucking whipped.”

“i don’t know, sounds a lot like you’d happily trade me in.” she tilts her head back to look up at me, squinting like she’s trying to make sense of me for the first time ever, like she’s turned to a new page of one of those magic eye books she used to buy at book fairs. “what’s going on with you, raimi? you’re seriously wasting your time on cait when you’ve got me?”

i don’t have her though. that’s what’s making me crazy. that’s what makes cait appealing.

i can’t say that right now. i can’t say anything.

so i just laugh and spend the entire drive back to doe’s wondering if i should text cait back in the morning.

#014

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abandonedsince2021 · 3 years

Text

the fact that this isn’t even all of it.. someone plz take my wifi away after 12am

stella: so what’s the relationship between you two?

sydney: she’s my best friend. like if i killed someone she’s the person i would call for help to get rid of the body

jackie: we actually have done that before, it’s buried in the woods

stella: creative

marianne: what are those dead bodies doing there?

stella: honestly? not much

kim: what are those dead bodies doing there?

alistair: honestly? not much

stella: allow me to serenade you

marnie: okay, but first, let me put in earplugs

alice: aaron c’mon

frank: she won’t even notice you’re gone

aaron: no, i told her i wouldn’t

frank: she won’t notice you’re gone! what happened to bros before…

alice: …

aaron: …

frank: … my sister

(decorating a christmas tree)

joanne: and… we’re done!

marnie: we just need one final touch

joanne: what?

marianne: please don’t do it, marnie

marnie:

marianne: don’t… please-

marnie, lifting stella: star. goes. on. TOP.

stella: i don’t do relationships anymore

marnie walks in

stella: shit.

saskia: hey alice have you seen-

saskia: SHIT ALICE ARE YOU BURNING OUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE??

alice: GOOD LUCK TRYING TO RETURN ME WITHOUT THE RECEIPT HAHAHA

saskia: i have only said “i love you” to two people in my entire life

saskia: alice,

saskia: and alice wearing my shirt

marianne loses stella in a hoard of zombies

marianne: finally

stella: babe (derogatory)

marnie: babe (derogatory)

baby: what does derogatory even mean?

marianne: i’ve learned not to question them

kim: where’s the candy stash gone?

baby: i haven’t had any since last week

stella and alistair, riding one skateboard between them: KIDS where’d you get those TWIZZLERS we want MORE

marianne: kids that’s a wolf it will kill you if you keep trying to pet it

kim & baby: d o g g y

marianne: you’re losing blood fast, what’s your type

stella: uhh, tall and scary, green eyes, huge badass

marianne: i meant your blood type

stella, looking down: red :(

baby: can i have a soda?

stella: i dunno, what did your mum say?

baby: she said no

stella: then why are you asking me?

baby: because she isn’t the boss of you

stella: this is a trap this is a trap th-

alice: what do i do if our relationship just doesn’t work out?

brady: just talk it out!

lena: burn her

bette: stab her

kenny: shoot her

cara: this is why i don’t trust yall.

trixie: oh come on sydney doesn’t know any words worse than crap

jackie: i think she’s been having a masterclass with stella

sydney in the distance: SHIT THE BATH

stella watching from afar: you’re doing great sweetie

sydney: can i have some cake?

stella: what’s the rule?

sydney, sighing: no cake after dinner

stella: no, that’s jackies rule. my rule is that you have to bring me a slice too :)

tyler: we literally haven’t caused trouble in weeks!

marianne: what about the flamethrower incident?

stella: we don’t talk about the flamethrower incident!

alice: alright, but-

saskia: holy shit

alice: are you sure you love me? because maybe you just misunderstood your feelings for me

saskia: oh my god alice it’s 3 in the morning

alice: ..and?

saskia: we’re married..

alice: uhum

saskia: for three years..

alice: i still don’t see your point and you haven’t answered me yet

mickey, as zombies are coming: don’t worry

alice: about a thing

mickey: cause every little thing

alice, killing zombies: is gonna be alright

aaron: i can’t believe you married her

saskia: i can’t believe you’re going to marry her

hanna: trixie, while i’m gone, you’re in charge

trixie: okay :)

hanna, whispering: sydney, you’re secretly in charge

sydney: obviously :)

kim: We need to distract these guys

baby: Leave it to me

baby: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

*Stella, marianne and charlotte Immediately begin arguing*

kim, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

marianne, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.

stella: Hey.

charlotte: Hi.

hazel: Hello.

johnny: Hey!

marianne: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

stella: We were out of Doritos.

stella: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

charlotte: >:O language

baby: Yeah watch your fucking language

charlotte: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BABY THE FUCK WORD?

johnny: 'The fuck word'.

hazel: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

charlotte: Oh my god she censored it

johnny: Say fuck, hazel.

stella: Do it, hazel. Say fuck.

callum: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

marianne: Nope, absolutely not.

hazel: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

johnny: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

charlotte I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

stella: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

stella: Time for plan G.

marianne: Don’t you mean plan B?

stella: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

charlotte: What about plan D?

stella: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

baby: What about plan E?

stella: I’m hoping not to use it. alistair dies in plan E.

kim: I like plan E.

alistair: Where's stella, charlotte, and baby?

marianne: They're playing hide and seek.

alistair: Where?

marianne: I don't think you get how this game works.

stella: Bye marnie! Bye charlotte! Bye baby! Bye alistair! Bye marnie!

marianne: You said ‘bye marianne’ twice.

stella: I like marnie :)

Charlotte: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

hazel: Several traffic violations.

marianne: Three counts of resisting arrest.

johnny: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

stella: Also, that’s not our car.

stella: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

hazel: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

charlotte: I recorded the dumb stuff.

johnny: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

marianne: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

jacob: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what russell will and will not eat.

louise: Grass? Yes!

jacob: Moss? Yes!!

louise Leaves? Ohh, yes!

jacob: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

louise: Worms? Sometimes!

jacob: Rocks? Usually nah.

louise: Twigs? Usually!

jacob: louise's cooking? Inconclusive!

Belle: How did you… test this?

louise: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

belle: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

nikola: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Marianne: stella isn’t answering her phone

marnie: I’ll call

marianne: charlotte and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

stella: Hello?

marianne, banging on the door: stella! open up!

stella: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

charlotte: No, she meant-

baby: Let them finish.

stella: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

marianne: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

stella: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING CHARLOTTE WITH ME

baby, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

stella: I just ended a four year relationship.

charlotte: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

stella: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*marianne and patrick fighting from across the room*

baby: Yo is stella sleeping or dead?

marianne: Hopefully dead, I hated her guts.

charlotte: Yeah, so did I.

stella: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Marianne: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

stella: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

johnny: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

charlotte: Put spaghetti in it.

marianne: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

stella: I told marianne her ears flush when she lies.

charlotte: Why?

stella: Look.

stella: Hey marianne! Do you love us?

marianne, covering her ears: No.

Charlotte:

charlotte: Why are you on the floor?

stella: I'm depressed.

stella: Also I was stabbed, can you get marianne, please?

*stella and charlotte sitting in jail together*

charlotte: So who should we call?

stella: I’d call marianne, but I feel safer in jail

jackie: WHY. why did you give sydney a KNIFE?!

Stella: I’m sorry. she said she felt unsafe.

jackie: Now I feel unsafe!

stella: I’m sorry.

stella: ... would you like a knife?

stella: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

marianne: You’re a hazard to society

charlotte: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

0 notes

sayitaintdoe · 6 years

Text

it is the day before d-day, and theodora graham has made her descent into san francisco, and i have to remind myself when the notification goes off on my phone, like, six times that teddy is married now and doesn’t need me showing up at the airport with bells on to pick her up from her last great adventure.

which is probably for the best, considering i’m already running late for work as it is. but that is really just a technical detail more than it is anything else. late, schmate, am i right?

okay, not right, because my friend syd will murder me if i don’t start actually, like, showing up on time (or at all, really, but i do at least tend to usually have the decency to show up if nothing else).

my car, an old and sputtering and wheezing volkswagen beetle far past her prime (talulah, if you must know), creeks up into my designated parking spot, but she doesn’t make a cute little BEEP! when i lock her so much as she makes a sad, miserable boop. a “please put me out of my misery and put some of your grubhub money toward a new car, dumbass.”

i ignore this, hiking my bag up my shoulder and heading through the front doors of grove & joy, the eclectic little hipster paradise of a salon and pop-up shop my friends syd and joy own.

see, this is my thing. everyone i consider a friend is between the ages of 23 and 30, and i just want to know, why it is that i am the only one who doesn’t have a single goddamn clue what i’m going to do with my life. like, we’re talking nothing. nada. i am wandering around perfectly content to run the fucking register at this joint so long as my friends are around. and everyone else is off getting married and (god forbid) getting pregnant and having, like, grown up jobs.

and then there’s me. square peg, round hole, trying not to be one of those millennials that every dumbass article complains about but then wondering what is so wrong with liking avocados in the first place, bob from kansas city?

i’m losing track of my point.

and whatever point i’m trying to make (is there one?) is soon enough derailed by a flurry of rainbow sherbet arms and tiny, slim arms wrapping tight around me. “you’re on time!” every time joy announces something, she announces it with a giggle.

“even a broken clock is right twice a day,” i reply, getting in my daily dad joke for the hour (okay, the half hour), and dropping my bag to the floor behind the front counter. “what’d i miss?”

her hand rests at her hip, head tilted to the side before her face lights up, a second later. and from there, she’s nearly pouncing, soaring toward me with her hands quickly finding my shoulders and gripping tight. “you have a date and you didn’t tell me!”

“oh, do i?” i pretend to be focusing on my nails, before flashing her a cheeky grin. “there might be a date happening, yes.”

“with PRESTON?!”

“how much are you bribing him, exactly?” a second voice, definitely belonging to sydney, pipes up from the back. i turn my head and can see just enough of the peaks of their newly frosted silver hair poking over the half-wall staring back at me like an early 2000s disney channel character.

i clear my throat, swooping around the corner to approach them, hands propped on my hips. “for the record, he asked me out.”

well. now he did. maybe they won’t mention it to him!

sydney raises their eyebrows back at me, clearly surprised by this. i just nod eagerly back at them. “uh huh, yeah. thats what i thought. how’s that for bribery?”

“i think it was only a matter of time,” joy chimes out in her singsong voice, pressing a kiss to my cheek and then pressing one to sydney’s. “i mean, the two of them have been married since middle school.” pause for laughter. “remember that time we had to do that flour sack project and—”

for some reason, i feel my cheeks flush, and i quickly swat my hand at the air like that’s going to stop the memory from rolling up, or at the very least, stop the conversation from progressing.

luckily — luckily! call me zack morris because i am saved by the bell, literally — the door chimes open again, to save me from this conversation, save me from them, stop any of this from going any further, and i turn around for the distraction with my well-trained customer service smile.

but it’s not a customer. it’s her.

all five-foot-eleven of her, standing tall and willowy. teddy.

“YOU’RE ACTUALLY HERE IN THE SAME PLACE AS ME IN THE SAME TIME ZONE AS ME CRAZY RICH ASIANS THE REALITY SHOW IS OVER ARE YOU SERIOUS?” i spew out all my words as one long string, throwing myself across the salon and right at her, tackling her into a hug as a client comes in behind her and kennedy sweeps into professional mode, but not before giving her a squeeze on the shoulder.

“i called preston when i landed to make sure where you’d be, i wanted to surprise you!” she hums back in my ear, and married teddy feels the same as single teddy and engaged teddy and broken hearted teddy. still firm and strong. just, like, now with this weird big rock on her finger. sparkling back at me, begging me to look at it. so, i don’t. because fuck you, wedding ring.

“speaking of surprising you…” joy hummed in that teasing, singing voice of hers, looking between teddy and myself and going so far as to wink. WINK!

teddy blinks back at her, and then she’s looking back at me. “speaking of? what did i miss? and if you hold out on me, i will physically kick your butt, and you know that i can and will win.”

i clear my throat. “well, first of all. your goldfish is definitely not dead.”

“so, you just... put a doppelgänger fish in the tank.”

let’s skip ahead.

teddy leans back, taking a sip from her iced coffee and looking at me like it’s the first time she’s ever seen me. the good news is that she’s somehow thankfully managed to calm down after learning about goldie the first’s most untimely demise. the bad news is that she’s definitely not going to let go of the fact that i let it slip that in order to speed up the grieving process, preston healed my wounds and drowned my sorrows by asking me on a date.

so, okay, yeah, i just keep adding onto the story - but that’s what makes it so interesting. it’s the layers that make a cake good, not the flour.

“do you know where he’s taking you?”

is it weird that i haven’t thought about it? like, any of it? but where is he taking me? why does he have to decide where we go? it’s 2018 and i have good taste and this was all my idea anyway, so shouldn’t i get to have a say in where we go?

will it be different than every other time we’ve gotten dinner together? we’ve done some very... how you say, couple-like things when we’ve grabbed dinner together before, but is this different?

holy shit.

am i going on a date? with preston?

“doe? you okay? you look pale.”

i am brought back to grove & joy, back to teddy watching me cautiously and a stream of customers filtering in around us.

“somewhere with a violinist,” i blurt out, recalling something i remember preston telling me the other morning when i was slipping out from under his covers. “and no peanuts. otherwise brady can’t have any leftovers.”

a date with preston.

going out with preston in a date-like environment where we’re supposed to pretend to be a couple and it’s weird because we don’t do that and what the fuck was i thinking and why did i suggest it you IDIOT

it’s late now. not so late that kat will pull dramatics if i stumble into the apartment in the dark, but late enough that i know preston’s not doing anything else (he couldn’t possibly), and somehow that’s all i need to know.

despite everything, despite feeling some weird twist in my gut telling me this is most likely all going to blow up in my face (it’s bound to), i still find myself reaching for my phone as i skip the usual route to my apartment in favor of the turn for his, pulling up in front of his building and slipping in without a word.

i know brady and stevie enough to know better than to disturb them, so i go for my spare key that isn’t so much a spare key as it is i stole preston’s and had my own copy made, and i let myself in.

every closed door has a glow coming through the cracks, and i can hear the obnoxious late eighties hip hop wafting out of preston’s room when i twist open the door.

my jacket’s off before the door is shut behind me, followed by my shoes, and then my top. my fingers are working to my jeans and then suddenly his hands are there, replacing mine, charting out territory he’s mapped many tones before, and his lips are meeting mine, and he’s dragging me in and i’m letting him.

“hello, lover boy,” i tease against his mouth, hearing his half-laugh, half-whine of a “don’t ruin this” that’s returned to me.

and it’s funny, this thing about us.

one of us is always waiting for the other, always expecting the other to show up. it’s always an extended invitation, an exclusive welcome mat.

and most of the time, we accept it.

this is what i want to focus on: his lips on mine and my hands quickly working off his shirt and his stupid spongebob squarepants boxers, us tripping over each other on the way back to his bed, but him catching me before my head hits the mattress without him like some freaking john mayer song. because we’re best friends, and that’s what it means to be best friends. you catch each other, right?

this is the here and the now. and this is way less stressful than the storm building up in my head for no goddamn reason.

so i let it take me.

#007 #~

0 notes

crazedlunatic · 5 years

Text

Bourbon and Four Pizzas

“I still think we should go out and get dinner tonight. All of us. It’ll be fun.” Sarah said cheerfully. “That new place opened up downtown where Sam’s Brewery used to be.”

“If we don’t quit eating out so much, we won’t be able to afford to send this new baby to college.”

“Oh, come on.” Sarah laughed, entering the ‘dining room’ in their house which had really been converted into a guest room of sorts—being that Bob’s father slept in there in a hospital bed. There was everything that they or any caretakers would need. A couch, chairs, and even a medium sized refrigerator and microwave.

“What were you looking for?”

“I’m pretty sure your dad’s refill needs to happen soon. I was just going to take the sheet and pick it up at work.” Sarah yawned a bit.

“Oh my God.” Bob said, sounding nothing like himself.

“Robbie, what’s… oh no.” Sarah frowned.

“I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.” Bob said.

“BRADY!” Sarah shouted out the hallway. “BRADY! SAM!”

Bob stared at the bed, gasping out twice.

“No, no, no.” Sarah rushed over to him. “No. You can’t do this right now.”

Brady stumbled in, looking irritated at having been woken up.

“Call 911 now.” Sarah said.

“What happened?” Brady asked, eyes widening.

“Tell them that Pa… tell them he died in his sleep.” Sarah said as Sam came in.

“What, Mom?” Sam sighed, clearly not having heard that.

“Sam, I need you to go and call Mallory right now. If she doesn’t answer, keep calling until she does. Use Robbie’s phone because he never calls her.” Sarah said quickly before turning her attention to Bob. “And then call Charlie and then Jake. No. Jake and then Charlie. Call Mallory, then Jake, and then Charlie.”

Sam looked at Bob and his eyes widened. He then looked over at the bed, then back to Bob, and repeated the process several times. “Is Pa dead?”

“I can’t do this.” Bob said, literally sitting down on the floor—something he only did when the kids were young and he was playing with them. “This is not happening. This is not happening.”

“What about Granny?” Brady asked.

“That’s why I need you to get Mallory here before she wakes up.” Sarah said very calmly to Sam. “Sammy, please. We’ll all—we have to do this first, okay?”

Both Sam and Brady rushed out of the room in opposite directions.

“Take a deep breath in and out.” Sarah said, sitting down on the floor next to Bob and running her hand up and down his arm.

“You just took a positive pregnant test an hour ago and now my dad is dead. You really think I can be calm right now?” Bob stared at her with teary eyes. “I can’t… I just can’t.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Sarah hugged him tightly. “But we… we’ve got to take care of this right now because your mom… we’ve got to get Mallory here and she can tell your mom.”

“Oh my God.” Bob repeated as she pulled away. “Mom. Oh my God. Mom.”

“You’ve got to listen to me.” Sarah said, making him look her in the eyes by putting her hands on either side of his face.

“I have a trial today, I’ve got four meetings, I’ve got Blaine’s review, I’ve got—”

“No.” Sarah rose her voice. “Not anymore you don’t.”

Bob took several deep breaths, glanced back at the bed, and his face crumbled.

Sarah hugged him again as Emily came in.

“Daddy, there you are! Aren’t we going to school?!” She exclaimed.

Brady rushed in, still on the phone, scooped her up, and walked her right back out.

They heard her say, in Sarah fashion, “That was very rude. You should say you’re sorry.”

Sarah sat on the couch with Bob, hand running up and down his back as he let out very loud sobs.

Sure, they had literally talked about this a week before. His father had more energy, felt better, was louder and laughed more for about two weeks. And then he’d gotten tired and quieter. They knew this was coming.

Jake had even stopped by two or three times a week—both to spend time with Bob to try to take his mind off of it and also to spend time with the family including Bob’s parents. They had been friends since the age of 6 and best friends since the age of 7—basically making them brothers… Even if they were very odd sometimes.

It was coming.

All the adults knew it was coming—at least the ones in the house often. Brothers had visited once at a time. The whole family was mentally preparing.

But mental preparation only did so much.

Sarah’s phone buzzed in her pocket, making Bob sit up straight and wipe his face off. She looked at him, her own eyes teary, and let out a shuddery breath.

Bob pulled out his cell phone, typing out a group text to both Tammy Jo and Ryan. Because fuck Jeff.

Dad died. I won’t be in for a while. I’ll be in touch.

Sarah stood when Mallory rushed into the dining room. She saw the bed, took her own deep breath, and went to hug Bob who started to cry all over again.

Sam came in and scooted close to Sarah. “Jake’s on his way. He said he’s going to get Dad’s planner and go to CMJ and try to sort stuff out so Dad doesn’t have to go.”

Sarah nodded, pulling Sam into a hug.

“We… We’ve got to tell Mom before they get here. She’ll want to see him first.” Mallory pulled back and looked at Bob. “Brady’s out from with Emily waiting for them, so we should go get her now.”

Bob nodded and followed her out, wiping his face again.

“Is Dad going to be okay?” Sam asked, looking at her.

“It’s going to be a rough couple of weeks and the next few days might be pretty bad.” She sniffled, ruffling his hair. “But it’ll be okay.”

…

“Are you going to just sit in here on this couch all day?” Sarah asked several hours later, sitting next to him. “I tried to give you some time to yourself but it’s been too long.”

Bob sighed but didn’t say anything.

“Are you hungry?”

He shook his head.

She held out a bottle of water and he took it, downing the whole thing in only two drinks.

“Not hungry?” She gave him a look. “But I see you found the bourbon.”

“Don’t treat me like one of the kids.” Bob sighed.

“You can’t just shut yourself off like this.” Sarah looked him in the eyes.

“Don’t worry. Jake will probably be here soon and he can give me the whole ‘you only drink alcohol when you’re depressed’ talk. By the way, I know Charlie brought in the will paperwork. Could it not even wait a day?”

“Robbie, you aren’t going back to work before we move. We needed to get it now so it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle. I’m sorry.” Sarah sighed, leaning over and rubbing his arm.

“Are they staying tonight?”

“Jake?”

“No. I know he is. I’m talking about Anthony, Landon, and Shawn.” Bob frowned.

“James and Mallory are but that’s it. Everyone else is staying in a hotel.”

“Okay.” Bob said, not looking pleased.

“James is staying for your mom more than anything.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, it just happens to be my house.” Bob took a big gulp of his half empty glass of bourbon.

“Was that bottle full?”

Bob shrugged.

Sarah went over and looked at the trash can, seeing another one. “You finish that one drink and you’re done.”

He gave her a look.

“I’m serious, Robert. Emily is already upset because you won’t even talk to anyone. Look, I get it. You need to grieve but we’ve also got a family and the kids are upset and scared too. Have your couple of days to accept it but no more alcohol and after tonight, no more avoiding the kids.”

“I am allowed to drink alcohol..”

“Your issue is that when you’re depressed, you don’t know when to stop. Remember that time ended up in the hospital? Because Charlie was seven and with us and he sure remembers it and that’s why he’s never drank a glass in his life.” Sarah said. “So, no. You aren’t allowed to drink anymore and the alcohol is going away.”

Bob glared at the wall.

“I’m sorry if I don’t want to deal with alcohol poisoning right now. You know it’s a problem, that’s why you never drink, it’s why you close the door when you drink, and it’s why I asked to not keep alcohol in the house. I’m trying to take care of you right now… while also taking care of the four kids we have and I guess number five too.”

“I never asked you to take care of me, Sar.”

She stared at him for several seconds, trying to figure out what to say. She then said, voice soft, “Well I didn’t ask you too when you took care of me after everything in junior year of high school so consider this payback.”

Bob’s facial expression softened and he sighed, walked over to her, and literally dropped the whole glass in the trashcan.

Sarah went to sit on the couch again, scooting over when Bob joined her. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Did they… do the funeral stuff?”

“Three days.” She nodded. “Where he wanted it. I guess he’d already picked a lot of stuff out.”

“Yeah.” Bob sighed and leaned his head on top of hers.

“I’m so sorry, Robbie.” Sarah squeezed his hand tightly.

“I’m sorry I’m going to be puking all night. I’ll probably stay downstairs so Mom doesn’t hear it.”

Sarah gave him a look.

“She knows I’ve been drinking?”

“Everyone knows you’ve been drinking.” She frowned and looked down. “When you drink, you close doors… and you closed it. It’s okay. Just… I’m having Jake get rid of the rest of it when he gets back and tomorrow will be better.”

“They’re getting the bed tomorrow, right? And that oxygen tank?” Bob asked.

“Robbie… you can’t just… does it have to be one of the other? Drinking or wanting all of the stuff gone? Come on.” Sarah pulled back. “They’ll get it when they get it. They said they will try to get it tomorrow but it might take a couple of days.”

“Yeah and we’ll have to pay for those days too.” Bob huffed.

Sarah didn’t say anything and watched him with teary eyes. “You’re going to have to actually accept this and feel this at some time, you know? Not drinking, keeping busy, making your stupid to do lists when you’re overwhelmed that you never even look at. Your family is out there and you’re cornered off in here staring at a hospital bed drinking nearly two whole bottles of bourbon. I don’t know why you do this.”

“Then I guess you should have picked someone else.” Bob snapped.

“No. I picked the right one. Sometimes he’s just a fucking asshole.” Sarah snapped back.

Bob took a deep breath.

“Come on. Go take a shower, brush your teeth, and then we’ll go sit with your family. I know you don’t want to do this but nobody does. You had your fourteen hours.” Sarah said as Jake came into the room.

“Fine.” Bob sighed and left the room, only giving Jake a look.

“He drank.” Jake said in a matter-of-fact way.

“I couldn’t just stay in here all day.” Sarah sighed.

“I know. I got it from here.” Jake said, hugging Sarah. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t think anyone in the house is really.” She sniffled. “Did you get yourself dinner?”

“Brought four pizzas.” Jake said. “Think Brady’s going out to get four more. I didn’t realize everyone would still be here so late… Plus, I figured you probably wouldn’t want to cook.”

“Bob’s my favorite and you’re my second favorite.” Sarah joked.

“Hey, I was your favorite in kindergarten and first grade. I take great pride in that.” Jake joked. “But, you know, then you and Robbie got locked in that shed and it all went downhill from there.”

She rolled her eyes and followed him out of the room.

“Just let me get him through the puking tonight and he’ll be better in the morning.” Jake said, much more seriously.

“We really appreciate it.”

“I know. We appreciated it when Savannah was sick and died. Don’t worry.” Jake said. “What can I do? What child can I harass until Robbie’s out?”

“MEEEEE!” Emily ran up, jumping into his arms and then kissing his cheek.

“You’re, like, fourteen now.” Jake fake grunted and pretended he was dropping her.

She then squealed out, “DADDY!” and kicked until Jake let her down.

Bob, who still had wet hair but was in actual clothes, scooped her up and gave her a big hug. She then twisted around in his arms and said, “It’s okay, Mommy. I got it from here.”

“My mini Sar-ee.” Bob kissed Emily’s cheek and made eye contact with Sarah.

“Yep. Me and Mommy always save the day because we’re the girls.” Emily nodded, facial expression very serious. “Can we listen to Taylor?”

“Bye.” Jake joked, walking out of the room.

“You have her?” Sarah asked Bob.

“Yeah.” Bob nodded. “Let’s go read a bedtime story.”

“Daddy, is it really that time already?” Emily sighed.

“Yep. It is.” Bob nodded. “One story.”

“Three stories?”

“Two stories.”

Emily held out her little hand and Bob moved her to his hip and held out his hand to shake. “Two stories.”

“Deal.”

“Two and a half?”

“Two stories.” Bob repeated.

“Fine.” She let out an adorable sigh, looking and sounding just like Sarah.

“Fucking. Kills. Me.” Bob whispered to Sarah as he passed her, heading towards Emily’s bedroom.

“You still get puke duty.” Sarah pointed at Jake.

“Yeah, I know.” Jake agreed. “Just means you’ve got to spend time with Anthony, though, so who is really losing out here?”

“Shit.”

#bob bob bob #wbuct drabble #that was so interesting to write

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