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theveryworstthing · 5 years

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members of one of the most famous lunk bands, The Dead Canaries. Needoll Crystalmole, Carvah and Karvah Wolfsilt, and Batty. info about them and the fate of other bands under the cut!

Members:

First, the most infamous member. Needoll Crystalmole is a lunk fashion designer who until recently served as the primary ballgown architect for Mander Drop dignitaries Dirtraven and Boulderboar. She's flashy, she's fabulous, you want to be her but also kind of want to fight her, she's Needoll Crystalmole and she is The Best At Sew.

Born in the last generation raised in the royal prison camp, Needoll's given Rolist name was Joshurock which is just the worst. She took on the moniker Needoll when she started secretly apprenticing to become a seamstress and just kinda kept using it as her real name forever.

She's regarded as one of the best seamstresses to come out of Mander Drop and boasts (loudly, often, and with great relish) that she can make anything to fit anybody better than anyone. Years of challenging this claim seems to have proven her right, much to her detractors' salty salty displeasure.

No one knows much about her war time past outside of stints constructing disguises for Woodland spies and being a singer/whatever instrument needs to be played kind of decently member in the band The Dead Canaries, but post war she became notorious for accepting jobs from rich Luxterran humans. In her eyes they were just going to hire someone shittier to bite her style anyway if she refused, and after all she'd been through she felt they owed her the walking around money. This all made her very wealthy, which paired with her brash and flamboyant nature, kept her constantly in the spotlight (perfect. that's just where she wanted to be).

If there's one thing she's bad at it's relationships. All that travel and partying left her the very absent mother of at least three children, one of which was Cashmere's seed-mother. This was news to Cashmere, who thought her grandseed was just some random jerk who ran out on her grandsoil. But it wasn't a random jerk. It was a famous jerk. And the only reason she found out is that Needoll needed someone to take her place as ballgown architect and she didn't trust anyone but her own blood.

Needless to say the reunion was heartwarming.

Needoll is currently out of commission after a stroke and a couple of heart attacks took her down. She is still alive, perhaps with the help of dark magics, but she's not working.

Carvah Wolfsilt (formerly Brentchip Wolfsilt). One of the most prolific creators of things that work surprisingly well as instruments, Carvah got her name from her excellent and speedy sculpting abilities. during the war many bands came to her after using their instruments as improvisational weaponry begging for quick replacements or repairs before a big show and she always delivered. When she wasn't doing that she was helping built and repair Woodland weaponry.

She also founded and played with her own band, The Dead Canaries. She liked making instruments more than playing shows but it was good field testing for her inventions so she stuck with it. She eventually quit however because her little sister was in the band and if she would have stayed any longer they would have either killed each other or ruined everything. So in true big sis manner, it seemed better to hand the toy over than to let it get destroyed in a tantrum.

Post war she joined a goblin friend's art studio where they experimented with getting certain sounds out of the weirdest things they could think of or the weirdest sounds out of the most mundane things they could think of. They were successful too, and even though her friend is gone, she's still doing shows with their studio. Her favorite objects that they made together was the harp that sounded like angry seagulls fighting over a corn chip and the sad guitar sandwich.

Her beard Does That because it's too heavy to properly spike and she only wears yellow eye shadow and red-orange lipstick. Most of her favorite pieces of clothing have bats on them.

Karvah Wolfsilt (formerly Rockchunk Wolfsilt) is the shorter gal and is Carvah's little sister. She's cool to most people but she's a nightmare mode little sis. She purposefully took her sister's chosen name, switched out one letter, and claimed it for herself. People started getting so confused that Carvah told everyone to just call her Cee Cee after a while. Karvah does this with everything. If her sister has something cool or unique she'll copy it, change it a little, and basically take it over or throw a tantrum until Carvah gives it up. She sees no problem with this, believing that she's taking her sister's okay base ideas with clearly terrible execution and making them flawless with her vision. Carvah obviously doesn't agree.

Fun Facts about Karvah: She actually is an amazing singer, she's short even for a dwarf, and she always has lipstick in her beard. During the war she was a war bard because she was honestly lost on what else to do and Batty was doing it so *shrug*. She's still the lead singer of The Dead Canaries today and she hasn't seen her sister in years.

Batty (formerly a name that no one remembers because she’s had her nickname since she was a kid and she hated her original name anyway) was the albino gal next to Karvah, and served as her bestie/sometimes girlfriend (it was complicated). She was the drummer for The Dead Canaries and specialized in...creative drumming. It seems you can get a surprising range of sound out of certain stalactites. She was also great at figuring out how to get any instrument or person to maximum loudness in any acoustic setting, which was surprising considering that she was a very quiet woman when she wasn't banging on something.

Fun Facts about Batty: her name was chosen for her after she was caught idly hanging in her harness and drumming on the side of a mine shaft with her feet (she was also yelled at for that because holy crap). she really overdid it with the false eyelashes but she didn't care because being albino meant her vision was crappy anyway and she got around fine. Also she was seemingly unkillable during her time as a chaos loving war bard but died in a freak napping accident literally days before the war ended.

Other Bands: These are the bands that didn’t break up after a week in fights over ‘creative differences’ and survived to perform in the post-war world. There were so many more than this. Almost everyone was in at least two bands at any given time and a lot of bands split up and reformed under different names so they’re a little tough to track. Some of these band names have been passed down to worthy successors or used for other things instead of being retired because dwarves love a well named thing and hate to waste good names. Some of the fights that happen over free spots in the more famous bands can get brutal so the bands that don’t encourage their new members to battle royale with stage equipment (which is few, music battles are fun) scout for new members in secret.

Still Playing With At Least 1 Original Member: The Dead Canaries- One of the most famous lunk bands. Most members are still alive but only one remains in the band. (mine) Shaft- Banned from several venues for ‘doing that on stage’ but a fan favorite. What is ‘that?’ no one really wants to say in public. You’ll know it when you see it. Earth Perms- Chill grandmas who mostly play festivals around their home cave system. Princess Echos- They fucking hate each other but they’re still going mostly out of spite. The Rich Veins- Chill grandmas who put out albums every once in a blue moon but live that hermit life and don’t tour. Everyone is always pleasantly surprised that they’re still alive. Dirty Diamond And The Pickax Pearls- Dirty has been in prison for years for killing that wizard but the rest of the band still tours. 6 Miles Under- All members alive and active despite their wild history. Rumors that the front woman is a necromancer have been denied by the group.

All Original Members Dead But The Successors Are Still Goin’: Gold lush- Still good. Frack Lung- Still good. Freshly Baked Mud Pies- Actually better than before but you’re not supposed to say it. Those Damn Mole Rats- Still good and only getting weirder with time like their founders intended. Rock Salt- Absolute garbo and extremely unrepentant about it. They’re like legacy garbage, terrible musicians/songwriters only. Charmingly bad. Cut Shaving And The Iron Deposits- Still good but way darker sound. The Jewel Tones- Still good but they make kid’s music now. Fools Gold- Also legacy garbage but not charmingly bad. People love to hate them. Dyna-mite And The Cave Ins- Still good even though their…energetic stage shows get them banned from a lot of places. Rue Be- Still good Light At The End Of The Bar Tab- Still good but the new members kind of bumbled into their positions and it’s more of a comedy lunk band now. Facet- Still good and still making people Feel Things Too Much. Optical Inclusions- Still good and still churning out those surreal dream-scape show experiences. Stalag Might- Still good and still VERY angry. Tunnel Vision- Still good

Retired: Regicide Brides- Executed for attempted regicide. Name is retired until another band rises who sounds half as good and is half as badass. Blood and Bat Guano- All died with a terrible secret. Band manager retired the name for unknown reasons. Gilded Willy And The Deep Dark Holes Are Going To Kill The King- Gilded willy and most of the Deep Dark Holes died trying to kill the king and the last Hole is now a dignitary because she succeeded. The Badger Babes- MIA. Name retired out of respect. Fistfight Afterglow- MIA. Name retired out of respect.

#fashion dwarves #small guide #dwarf #dwarves #lunk

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sylvenfield · 5 years

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Periel - Journal Entry #3-5

3. Secunda

Things were a bit too quiet as darkness quickly approached upon Zoram'gar Outpost. The normal bustle of what would be the front for troops to be dispatched to Darkshore, lay somewhat empty and forgotten. A skeleton crew. Little details were given as I made my way up the gates, spotting my new allies within the fold before being stopped by a skinnier orcish female that looked famished, “Halt. Papers, please.” I looked past her shoulder and pointed towards the company members and raised a curious brow, “You’ll find tha’ they might speak on my behalf.” She gave a gruff, sigh, “Hold.” And she went up to the guard escorting the company around the outpost, before quickly coming back. “Seems you’re late little elf.” Her sly smile of mockery, latent, ear to ear. I simply shook my head and brushed past her to join the others.

“-Clean off?” the Shieldmaster questioned, as we entered the office of the commander in charge.

“Did I stutter?! Yes, that’s why I’ve been approved to hire outside help, despite my better intentions with... freelancers, we are spread too thin here as is with the situation up north.” He looked us all over, the brutish orc standing nearly a foot taller than Korrgosh, iron plate adorning nearly ever inch of his structure and a two handed ax on his back. His eyes squinted around all of us, “We are losing peons by the day. By the hour. How, what. That’s up for you to figure out, as we don’t have time for idle chatter. We are three days behind schedule with supplies that need shipping, as now this glorified outpost is now a middle man between shipments to the war-front.” That last line sounded like it stung, “Now figure it out. I’m not paying you to stand around.”

A moment of silence surrounded the room before everyone started to shuffle out, but pondering questions began to arise. Suspicion. “Do ya’ have any of the bodies, from... these incidents? I’d like ta’ inspect one, if ya’ don’ mind?”

He looked to me, squinting harder than I thought he could, letting out a gruff sigh of annoyance, “Follow me.” And he shoulder checked me as he left the office, Kelarion gave me a soft shrug with a raised brow as we followed him out and down the path towards where they were lining up the decapitated bodies of peons, now past. Draped with whatever linens could be scrounged up. The smell hit me like a ton of bricks, foul decay and smelling of expired sweat and sea, but that could be coincidence since we were so close to the coast line. I lifted off the drape carefully, exposing the peon, wafting away the flies that had begun to make nest. the neck line was sheer, blood already drained from the corpse, leaving behind nearly no trace of forceful execution. Whatever did this, whoever did this, was quick, and used a blade sharper than anything I’ve seen in a long time. Questioningly so. But... something was off. I looked towards the commander with a piercing gaze, small fidgets in his hand. I had to think of something...

I took off a glove and brushed my fingers along the nearly perfect decapitation, then looked to the shredder, “Commander Gortok, was it? Ta’ rule out tha’ possibilities, who is authorized ta’ use tha’ shredders? Have ya’ had any within yer’ lot show any signs of, um- foul play? Ya’ ever consider any of yer’ own ta’ be behind this?”

He scoffed and then began to laugh, “You’re wasting my time. It’s most likely those damned Kal’dorei!” He turned and then Korrgosh put a hand on his shoulder to stop him in his tracks, “Answer his question. You asked us to figure it out.” He gave a curt nod towards me, gesturing that the commander turn back around. A sharp line emerged from the towering orc, and his tone a lot more respectful, “Only the goblins with class three clearance are allowed to operate them. I can pull up a list, and get them in for questioning.”

“Good.” I replied, draping the body, now addressing the rest of the crew, Jin hoping up on my shoulders, “We should investigate outside, see if we can unearth anythin’ else.”

4. The Strand

Once we exited the fortress I kept my thoughts to myself, looking down the trail, following the unfamiliar faces, the only ones really of note were the shieldmaster and runekeeper’s - the rest were foreign. Two female elves, one adorned in arc like purple and blue robes, pale white skin and stark black hair, pointed nose and an air of Dalaran pride, I could feel my eyes starting to roll if I had to listen to any lectures tonight, and the other elf was no better. Actually worse. Yes, much worse. Her aura was that of the light, I was no fool to that. Her gaudy red and gold robes, were covered by worn plate, and a tower shield nearly spanning my height and a sword, one that glowed with ferocity. So I guess we are throwing stealth out the window. That’s cool. And finally a forsaken woman, lithe with a headband and book in hand as she quickly took notes. What of? Who’s to say?

Korrgosh stopped, holding a fist to his right, stopping everyone in their tracks as he knelt down upon the ground, looking intently at a puddle that was directly upon the path. The sin’dorei female, dressed in arc like robes, rose a brow in question, then leaned in to whisper to Kelarion, and with a nod, looked back to me, craning his head to gesture towards the puddle. I scooted past them and knelt down with the shieldmaster. I dipped two fingers into the water and placed them upon my tongue. “Salt water. This far from tha’ coast?” He looked down to me, pursing his lips as he answered my query, “Any sea water on the corpse?”

“I could ‘ave mistook it fer’ sweat. But it’s plausible.” I looked up towards the coast, damp clumped sand made it’s way towards the ruined pillars of the strand. I dusted my knee and walked towards the kicked up sand, the pattern... the pattern was like a snake. “Wha’ if... it wasn’t a shredder?” I posed, turning back to the others, “But a-a trident er’ scythe? Not da’ Kal’dorei or Goblins. But-” Kelarion stopped me, his eyes not even surprised, a small smirk on his face in confidence, “-But the Naga. Not necessarily out of the realm of possibility I suppose. Could be restless that their territory is shrinking due to the ferrying between here and Darkshore.” He looked to the others, his arms folded within his robes, The sin’dorei adorned in red and gold rolled her eyes, a scowl embedded on her face, deepening her already scarred face, “I fucking hate Naga.”

I breathed in a heavy breath of the sea air, leading the company down the faint trail of kicked up sand towards the ruins. It must have been ten-fifteen minutes of walking down the head of the desolate beach. Decaying pillars and alters lay extinct from the floods of creation.

A hundred yards out we saw our trailblazer, dripping in sea water, the slithering, scaled sea witch stood glowering about among the ruins - cages all near empty except for one. A Kal’dorei child, in between quiet sobs, whispered to herself in tongues that I did not know. The naga slithered up to an altar in the center, heads rolled all over the step, a combination of their own kin, peons, and Kal’dorei, long since left this world. An shimmering orb she held as she locked eyes to the sea.

5. Razor’s Edge

“Periel.” Korrgosh, hiding behind a pillar at the edge of the alter said in a hushed tone, “The child. Can you sneak in to grab her? We will attack from the north side.”

I nodded to him, crouching down and unsheathing my bow, knocking an arrow at the ready. I could feel the chill of ghost iron between my gloved hand. The feeling was familiar, inviting. I ducked behind a fallen pillar as I made my way towards the cage, the shadow enveloped me, even under the moonlit sky. The child gasped slightly and I took my free hand to signify for her to be quiet. I looked towards the company, nodding for the go-ahead, I set my bow down and fished out my thieve’s tools. Lockpick in hand I began unraveling the inner workings of this strange padlock, a lot sharper, deeper, than any I had come across. Careful. Careful. ‘Click-Click-SNAP’. I cursed under my breath, withdrawing the broken pin-tumbler, grabbing another from the leather holster, let’s try this again. As I gently inserted the next pick I heard the yells and hisses of my comrades and assailants, clashing into battle, the sound of ax and trident filled the coast and flickers of arcane light illuminated the sky. The second pin-tumbler snapped. I breathed a sigh. I could feel the humid air start to grow colder and colder. I shut my eyes. Focus. You’ve got this.

I opened my eyes to to fish for the next pick, the tumbler found it’s way into my hand as I lifted it into place. One breath in through the nose. Close your eyes. Exhale through your mouth. Feel... ‘Click-Click-Click... Click... Clunk’. The padlock fell to the floor, the cage rattling open, the child looked towards it with wonder. She would go free this day.

I extend my hand and she grasped it hesitantly. She has most likely been raised all her life to never trust me. My kind. My faction. None of it. Who better to rescue her. A smile amongst the chaos tugged at the ends of my lips, “It’s okay sweetie.” A breathed reassuringly, “We’re going ta’ get cha’ home.” She finally moved forward, her dress billowed as she rushed forward to get out of the cage. I guided her around the pillars I hid behind, waiting for a victor to rise, Korrgosh wrangled with the last of the Naga, a brutish hulk, I looked up, shielding the eyes of the child as we both peered over the cover, as he embedded his ax into the collar of the hulk, collapsing and dying.

“Well then, I guess, that’s all of ‘em. Periel! Report!” Korrgosh said, as he retrieved his ax from the corpse of the naga, throwing behind his shoulders, I guided the child around the pillar, meeting the rest of the company. Kelarion and the other mage were already at the alter, observing the orb in the center and the irritated Sin’dorei paladin, scowled as she dragged her sword out of the sea witch we had followed from earlier. “Got her, safe an’ sound.” I replied, nodding, keeping my hand behind the top of her back to gently push her forward, but steering her best I could away from all the bloodshed.

“Good.Goo-” Korrgosh was cut off by a laughter, gruff and ominous coming from behind a sand dune, south of the alter, “SO! It seems you figured it out! Well done, hand over the relic and nobody will get hurt!”

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notanicequeen-blog · 7 years

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Bookworm Reviews: The Outstretched Shadow

Guest starring occasional rattling from my puppy in his crate. But at least the wobbling is minimal this time.

Transcript under the cut

Hi! I'm Elsa, and this is a bookworm. His name is Scrunch, by the way.

Right, anyway. Today we'll be talking about The Outstretched Shadow by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory. It's the first book in The Obsidian Trilogy, but if I talked about the entire trilogy at once then this video would be So Long, and I wouldn't properly be milking things for all they're worth. It's a high fantasy young adult series, and the first book was published in 2003.

So, we begin with Kellen in the city of Armethelieh, and please forgive me when I pronounce absolutely everything wrong, especially when we get to the elves later. Kellen is the son of the city's Arch-Mage (arc-mage? arch-mage?) so great things are expected of him, but he seems unlikely to rise to those expectations. He makes an effort, kind of, but everything is thrown into chaos when his High Mage father finds him with books for forbidden wild magic and he's banished from the city.

In an effort to get out of the city limits before the hunt catches him, he uses wild magic, and is thus introduced to Shalkan the unicorn, who helps him get to safety, at the price of remaining chaste and celibate for a year and a day. After narrowly escaping the hunt, they're taken in by Idalia, a wild mage who just so happens to be Kellen's sister who was banished for similar reasons.

The city expands its magical border to overtake where Idalia lives, forcing them to flee to elven territory, where they're taken in gladly. There are a lot of elves, but foremost among them we have Prince Sandalon, Queen Ashaniel, and Jermayan, a knight in love with Idalia, who is in love with him in return. I'll get back to them later. What's important to know about the elves is that they live a long ass time and so do everything very slowly and to very exacting standards.

The elves are being troubled by a drought, and whilst magically poking at it with a stick, Idalia learns it's a magical drought being inflicted upon them by the villains of the series, the Endarkened. Yes, really. It can be fixed, but wild magic always has a price and the price to fix it will be exorbitant. Even so, Idalia, Kellen, and Jermayan are willing to handle it.

In order for Idalia to properly break the drought spell, Kellen, Shalkan, and Jermayan need to go to the curse's epicenter to place a key stone, which is basically a magical battery, so it can be drawn on to help deal with the storms that breaking the curse will cause. While they're on that quest, Jermayan realizes that Kellen is a rather mediocre wild mage because he's actually a knight-mage; a wild mage specialized in combat. Jermayan begins training him appropriately.

Jermayan gets mortally wounded and Kellen heals him as best he can, and the magic informs him he'll know what price he needs to pay for it when the time comes. They rest up for a while, and when they carry on, they meet Vestakia and her family. Jermayan wants to kill Vestakia on sight until Shalkan threatens to kill him, and he chills out. I'll get to that later, too. Vestakia volunteers to go with them as a guide to the barrier holding the curse, because she can sense demons and demon magic.

Upon getting there, they find an obelisk and a whole wad ton of goblins. Jermayan, Shalkan, and Vestakia fight off the goblins while Kellen climbs up to the obelisk to plant the key stone, assuming he will die in doing so as the previous mage price. He doesn't, but he's out cold for a while, and when he wakes up, Jermayan and Vestakia are buddies and Kellen's hands are basically ground beef. Either way, the counter-curse works out and the obelisk is broken.

Idalia, still chilling with the elves, feels the curse falter and works her magic. She's unclear on what the price will be, but accepts to pay it, and Idalia essentially becomes the storms that have built up during the drought so she can control them and keep them from killing anything. I didn't have to say any of the names of any of the elven cities through all of this and I am so happy.

Whew! Alright! So, that's a story. On the whole, it's not a bad one. I mean, nothing about the book is going to challenge you except the elven language, but the story itself isn't bad, even if it's formulaic in places. The main protagonists are all likable and reasonably developed, even if my favorite character doesn't get introduced until the second book, and the storytelling sucks you in once you get engrossed so you wind up plowing through most of the day with your nose in the book without even realizing it.

Plus I love the magic system. When a wild mage casts a spell, then they must bargain with the gods of the wild magic to pay the price for the spell. If they don't pay, they ain't gettin' shit. The price can be anything from saving a cat from a tree to get a fire, to clearing a cistern to get valuable information, to being willing to lose your life to save people.

And I love Vestakia's backstory. Remember how Jermayan wanted to kill her on sight? See, she looks like one of the Endarkened because her mother was a wild mage who unwittingly slept with the disguised Endarkened prince. Upon bargaining with the gods of wild magic, she was given the option to have a baby with the body of a human and the soul of a demon and hope that nurture overruled nature, or the body of a demon and the soul of a human and have to keep her safe from everyone who would want to kill her on sight. Vestakia's mother went with the second option, and Vestakia winds up being one of the nicest characters in the book and supremely helpful as a spy later on, as courtesy of her birth, Vestakia can sense demons and demon magic in a roundabout way, as the presence of either makes her physically ill.

But there are parts that are… less good. Now, I'm gonna be clear: I love this book, but I'm going to be very hard on it.

The pacing is shit. Once you're engrossed you're hooked, but when you put the book down, getting re-engrossed is an effort each time. Plus the book is LONG and a lot of it is fluff or exposition that isn't necessary. On top of that, it doesn't END so much as it just… stops.

The villains are boring. The Endarkened are… evil. That's it. The queen and prince are incestuous. They all make magic out of pain. They want to take over the world. Torture is a hobby. There is nothing nuanced or compelling about them. They're just evil. The more mundane villains are boring, too. Kellen's dad is just a dick because he's a dick. We get vague reasons about why, but he's mostly just a dick who gets no development whatsoever.

On a slightly nonsensical note, unicorns won't go near anyone who is evil… or who isn't a virgin. There's an effort to explain it away, stating that someone who's a virgin but a horrible person can't touch them, while someone who is good-hearted and had their virginity stolen from them can still touch a unicorn, so it seems like it's about purity, but there's no effort to explain why willingly giving your virginity to someone is automatically impure. It seems like a detail that was included purely because, well, that's how unicorns are SUPPOSED TO BE.

And as more of a personal gripe, Idalia refuses to be together with Jermayan. Because he's an elf and will live to be a thousand or so, and she's a human, and once married, elves mate for life. I do not like this detail. 'Mating for life' amongst sapient creatures basically says 'fuck free will, emotions aren't allowed to change' and I find it really stupid.

As another personal gripe, the elven language. Some of the names are alright, but then you get into shit like Ysterialpoerin and Kindolhinadetil and everything grinds to a screeching halt as you try to figure out how to pronounce it. Actually, just… the elves in general. I find the idea of 'we live a long ass time so everything we do is super slow' to be a little nonsensical. I can get behind the perfectionism and the convoluted rules of politeness, but the fact that every debate and every decision is noted to take an eternity makes me skeptical; the rest of the world doesn't slow down to accommodate their lifespan. But even some of the elves find it annoying, so it evens out pretty well.

Uh… right. So, reasonably good book, but definitely flawed. If you're alright with the pacing issues, I recommend it, as the other issues are things that will really only occur to you in-between binge-reading bursts. It's fun, and I figure that's important.

#book review #mercedes lackey #james mallory #the outstretched shadow #Bookworm Reviews

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