#yaay! representation! oh wait but it’s actually really bad representation

[bea-in-my-bonnet]

I find myself obsessed with the concept of a Riverdale Macbeth and Romeo & Juliet fusion (with a smattering of Hamlet)

Imagine Hiram Lodge as Macbeth and Hermione Lodge as Lady M taking over Riverdale by killing Fred Andrews in a convenient “accident”. Archie knows this bc the ghost of his father told him (but he also could have just been high on the jingle jangle in those cookies but try telling that to the sheriff) and he is determined to take revenge but falls in love with veronica while infiltrating hiram’s drug operation (ok i guess there’s quite a bit of Hamlet ).

Betty is Rosalind in this situation (Archie’s ex who he leaves for Veronica). Betty is also an FBI informant (duh) who goes to Hiram and offers to spy on Archie for him (citing revenge for him dumping her) but secretly she feeds him false information that makes him increasingly paranoid (acts as three witches) and with Veronica’s help convinces Hermione to get hiram to dispose of the blossoms- the only other powerful family in riverdale that poses a threat to Hiram’s control of Riverdale (to stop Penelope blossom’s poisonous involment in g&g). Cheryl survives the attack and flees Thornhill (Fleance).

Meanwhile Jughead who has been resisting Hiram’s attempts to buy out sunnyside trailer park seeks out Archie (Malcolm) believing he is the solution to Hiram lodge’s power grab - he is now the only red-head in Riverdale and thus by an ancient law (introduced by the Blossoms- no wonder they wanted to set him up with Cheryl) could stand as a mayoral candidate at the last minute and can trigger an election and as ppl think he is a golden retriever he could push Hermione lodge out of office. And who else has the abs to defeat hiram in a boxing match?

Unfortunately archie is like, “oh idk if i could do that jug. Hirams a pretty buff dude ;)” When jughead (Macduff) returns home disappointed he finds the serpents have been attacked by the ghoulies employed by Hiram. FP is in hospital in critical condition. This motivates him to inspire the serpents and northsiders to unite against hiram. The southsiders respond with community organisation and the northsiders are also…helpful? Gay kevin puts on a musical denouncing Hiram lodge, Alice Cooper writes damaging articles and Josie McCoy sings at every protest. Sweet pea, Tony and Fangs are quizzical at first but eventually just shrug and enjoy these…interesting tactics.

Meanwhile hermione lodge is encouraged to flee as betty claims that hiram has begun to turn on her as well bc he knows about her affair with Fred Andrews. Veronica fakes an attempt on her mother’s life from Hiram, believing it will encourage her to leave. However, Hermione, overcome by guilt and fear, fakes her own suicide.

Hiram is sad but believes he is untouchable due to misinformation from betty, “Archie would never move against you and also you’re too powerful to be taken down by the FBI. Really, I promise!”

Veronica believes she has caused her mother’s death and in a game of G and G drinks from one of the goblets and has a seizure.

Believing jughead to be responsible for Veronica’s death (j made a very vague threat about hiram’s loved ones bearing the consequences of his actions) Hiram challenges him to a boxing match. Jughead accepts seeing it as a chance for vengeance. Things aren’t going with well for jughead without his flip knife.

Suddenly Archie sees Veronica’s body and believing her to be dead drinks from both cups just to be sure he will die too. Before he dies he rips his shirt in grief that it’s come to this. This distracts Hiram so Jughead is able to gain the upper hand. Turns out Archie had the abs to defeat him afterall!

Then betty arrives with the FBI in tow (Burnham forest baby!) and arrests Hiram before jughead can kill him. All mourn the tragic death of Archie and Veronica. But then cheryl shows up and A&V wake up- turns out there was no poison in either challis (she decided not to carry on her mum’s poison stuff…she prefers shooting ppl with her bow) She seems poised to shoot everyone in the room in revenge and then in Cheryl fashion announces that she never liked her family anyway and now she gets to inherit the whole blossom fortune. And she’s in a polyamorous relationship with Tony and Hermione lodge and sashays away with a “toodles”.

And just as you think, hey this isn’t too unhinged for Riverdale. All the characters wake up in hospital (bc they have the set so they need to use it) and discover they have all been in comas induced by the runoff from Cheryl’s uncle’s fizzlerocks production. Nothing matters bc it’s Riverdale. Goodnight!

#riverdale #bc nothing matters and nothing will ever matter #also i say gay kevin bc the riverdale writers really want you to know he’s gay #yaay! representation! oh wait but it’s actually really bad representation #no more musical episodes in S7 pls!!! #writing prompts #writing inspiration #shakespeare #i’m so sorry #thanks to my friend for inspiring this over-paragraphed mess #macbeth #Hamlet #romeo and juliet #Rosalind deserved better #betty cooper #cheryl blossom #Veronica Lodge #archie andrews #archie and betty #archie and veronica #jughead is ace #jughead jones #Tony Topaz #hermione lodge #hiram lodge #josie mccoy #alice cooper #the black hood