#zen3to5

[zen3to5]

🌻 - scene you enjoyed writing

Any scene that involved Hyde and Schatzi. I can’t remember at this point when that idea first came up for the beginning of Season 6, but I liked it so much I kept looking for places to work it in from that point on.

#ask #zen3to5 #zen3to5+ #Steven Hyde #schatzi

[thestupidhelmet]

Running gags on T7S remembered by me an others so far:

Eric’s obsession with Star Wars (me, but prompted by an anon’s ask).

“Ow, my Eye!” Kelso’s eye getting hurt (me and mentioned by @zen3to5).

Fez’s desperation to lose his virginity and getting close and yet so far with Rhonda (me).

The latest fad Bob and Midge get into (me).

People, usually Kelso, falling off the water tower (@zen3to5)

People wearing the Stupid Helmet / Having the Stupid Helmet put on them (@springsteenicious)

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Michael Kelso #Eric Forman #Fez #Running Gags #Interesting #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay

[those70scomics]

Responses to last week’s Kitty’s Question:

Response from @zen3to5

Response from @that70sshowgoldencouple

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Kitty Forman #Jackie x Hyde #Red x Kitty #Special #Kitty's Questions

[zen3to5]

J/H 5-01: Going to California

Here we go - Season 5!

There's not gonna be a whole lot rewritten from Season 5 - like I said at the outset, my goal was to eventually link back up with continuity here. But there are a few things that need to change, now that Zen's been an ongoing tension since Season 3...

(I also couldn't resist imagining a new opening credits sequence.)

FF.Net AO3

***

INT. VISTA CRUISER – NIGHT   A) The gang out on the road. Eric drives, with Donna next to him and Hyde in the passenger’s seat. Behind him sits Jackie, then Fez, then Kelso.   THEME SONG: Hangin’ out...   B) Hyde drives, his arm around Jackie while Kelso sits in the passenger’s seat. Behind him sits Eric, then Donna, then Fez. Kelso tries to reach an arm across Jackie, but Hyde gives him a jab to the head without looking away from the road, and he pulls his arm back.   THEME SONG: Down the street...   C) Jackie drives, with Donna next to her and Kitty in the passenger’s seat.   THEME SONG: The same old thing...   D) Bob drives, while Kitty and Red cuddle together in the back behind the passenger’s seat.   THEME SONG: We did last week...   E) Fez drives, with Donna next to him and Eric in the passenger’s seat. Behind him sits Kelso, then Hyde, then Jackie. Eric and Donna lean into Fez as they sing along.   THEME SONG: Not a thing to do...   F) Jackie drives, with Hyde next to her. Donna and Eric cuddle in the back behind the passenger’s seat. Jackie and Donna try to sing along, but Hyde and Eric distract them by kissing their cheeks and necks.   THEME SONG: But talk to you...   G) Red drives, with Kitty next to him and Bob in the passenger’s seat. Behind him sits Hyde, then Eric, then Donna. The kids and Bob sing along while Kitty smiles and Red scowls.   THEME SONG: We’re all alright!   H) Eric drives, with Donna next to him and Hyde in the passenger’s seat. Behind him sits Jackie, then Fez, then Kelso.   THEME SONG: We’re all alright!   I) The creators’ license plate, a 1977 sticker in the corner.   HYDE (v.o.): Hello, Wisconsin!   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   ERIC jumps over the couch and races up the stairs.   ERIC: Dammit, I’m going! I gotta go pack!   FEZ jumps to his feet and hurries up after him.   FEZ: Wait, let me help! I love putting together outfits.   Once both of them are up the stairs, HYDE moves to the couch. After turning on the TV, JACKIE does the same.   HYDE: Finally.   JACKIE: Yeah, I thought they’d never leave.   They lean into each other and start to make out.   JACKIE (cont’d): You know, Steven, it was really nice of you to get that ticket for Eric.   HYDE: Nice nothing, baby. Let’s skank up his bed while he’s gone.   Jackie chokes down a laugh but can’t hide a smile. Hyde grins back and pulls her face back to his, and they go at it again.   ***   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The next day. Jackie and Hyde stand in front of an open fridge, making out.   JACKIE: Okay, Steven, summer’s almost over. Now, where is this going?   HYDE: Jackie, you know the rules: no talking ‘til the blood gets back up north.   She considers, shrugs, and goes back to making out.   KITTY enters from the living room. Hyde and Jackie break apart as Kitty’s eyes bulge and her jaw drops.   KITTY: I KNEW IT!   HYDE: No, it’s not what you think!   If she even heard him, she ignores it.   KITTY: “She’s not his girlfriend, Mom.” “She’s not my girlfriend, Mrs. Forman.” Well! (laughs) Oh, I am just so -   JACKIE: Eric’s in California.   All of Kitty’s joy drains away. She turns heel and heads straight back into the living room.   HYDE: Jackie, you just totally burned Forman. (beat) That is so badass.   And back to making out they go.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

Zenmasters: Seasons 3-5 Hub

Now that I’ve got this blog caught up to the FF.Net entry, figured I’d set this up: the chapter index for Zen3to5. 

As I’ve said before, the goal here is to keep the Jackie/Hyde story active from “Jackie Bags Hyde” through when they actually get together in Season 5, in a way that could plausibly have been part of the show given genre, time restraints, etc. Essentially, I’m grafting that subplot onto an earlier point in the show and seeing how well it works, with as much else left alone as possible.

You can find links to all the fan scripts here, and a list of upcoming titles. I’ll keep this as up-to-date as I can going forward.

FF.Net AO3

Zen 3 to 5:

Season 3:

3-09: Ice Shack

3-10: Fez Gets the Girl

3-16: Romantic Weekend

3-17: Kitty’s Birthday (Is That Today?!)

3-18: Eric’s Naughty No-No

3-20: Fez Dates Donna

3-21: The Trials of Michael Kelso

3-22: Eric’s Drunken Tattoo

3-23: Backstage Pass

3-25: The Promise Ring

Season 4:

4-01: It’s A Wonderful Life*

4-02: Eric’s Depression*

4-04: Hyde Goes Cruisin’

4-06: Bye-Bye Basement*

4-09: Donna’s Story

4-14: Jackie Says Cheese*

4-15: Tornado Prom

4-18: Kelso’s Career*

4-20: Jackie’s Cheese Squeeze*

4-22: Eric’s Corvette Caper*

4-24: Eric’s False Alarm*

4-26: Everybody Loves Casey

4-27: Love, Wisconsin Style

Season 5:

5-01: Going to California*

5-02: I Can’t Quit You, Baby*

5-03: What is and What Should Never Be*

5-04: Heartbreaker*

5-06: Over the Hills and Far Away

Zen 3 to 5+:

Season 6:

6-01: The Kids Are Alright

6-02: Join Together

6-15: Who Are You

6-16: Man With Money

6-18: Substitute

6-19: Squeeze Box

6-21: 5:15

6-25: The Seeker*

Season 7:

7-01: Time is On My Side*

7-17: Down the Road Apiece*

7-20: Gimme Shelter*

7-21: 2120 So. Michigan Ave*

7-22: 2000 Light Years From Home

7-23: Take It or Leave It

7-24: Till the Next Goodbye

7-25: That ‘70s Finale

* = Partial script.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #fan fiction #fan script #hub #zen3to5 #zen3to5+

[zen3to5]

Ask me anything!

About the rewrite, the show, the 70s, the ideal height for a work table (hint: not the height mine is) - whatever!

#send away! #zen3to5

[zen3to5]

J/H 5-02: I Can’t Quit You, Baby

This episode was always going to need some adjusting in a timeline where Zen kept going after "Jackie Bags Hyde," and it was a lot of fun to write. It's another partial script, and context should be clear on each scene for those familiar with the episode. It's also a continuation of a goal I had from the Season 4 finale - playing in more to Hyde's eventual paranoia about how committed Jackie is.

FF.Net AO3

***

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   Alone in the basement, HYDE and JACKIE lie across the couch, making out. From behind the door, in the stairwell, FEZ’s voice wafts through, singing.   FEZ (v.o.): Oh, say can you see... Oh, say can you see...   Hearing Fez, Hyde and Jackie freeze up.   HYDE: What the hell?   JACKIE: Fez!   She gives him a push upright and sits up herself. They straighten out and settle on opposite ends of the couch just as Fez enters the basement.   FEZ: Oh, say can you see... (beat) Wait a second. You two look sweaty and guilty. Have you been eating my candy?   JACKIE: What candy?   FEZ: I didn’t say candy. And I certainly don’t have any candy hidden in the garage. (beat) I will be in the garage.   He turns around and heads back out the door.   JACKIE: (sighs) Steven, that was way too close. You need to learn to keep your hands off me.   HYDE: Me? You’re the one who can’t keep her tongue to herself.   JACKIE: Look, this isn’t going to stay a secret if you can’t control yourself, so shape up.   HYDE: You know what your problem is? You’re really cute, so no one ever told you to shut your pie-hole.   JACKIE: (beat) You think I’m cute?   HYDE: Shut your pie-hole!   Insult notwithstanding, they throw themselves at each other and get back at it.

MAIN CREDITS   ***   EXT. BASEMENT STAIRWELL - NIGHT   ERIC and DONNA, returning from the Pinciotti house, descend the stairs. Donna is still in her school uniform.   ERIC: I can’t believe they’re making you wear those knee-high socks every day.   He pulls a face of delight and pumps his fist. Donna shakes her head and throws open the door to:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   The sight of Hyde and Jackie making out on the couch. At the sound of the door opening they both look up, a pair of deer in the headlights. Eric and Donna break into matching wide-eyed grins.   DONNA: What the hell?   JACKIE: Oh, my God.   ERIC: Oh, the humanity!   DONNA: Jackie!   JACKIE: (to Hyde) Get off me!   She shoves him to the other end of the couch. Hyde looks over Donna’s uniform.   HYDE: (to Donna) Great outfit!   Eric shrugs and nods as Jackie and Donna both glare at Hyde.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Moments later. Donna remains by the doorway, mouth hanging open. Jackie and Hyde are still on the couch. Eric paces up and down behind it.   DONNA: It happened. It finally happened.   ERIC: We joked. We mocked. We did all we could to make light of it, because the idea of it becoming a reality was just too horrible!   He makes a show of throwing his hands to the sky. Donna is still grinning.   DONNA: (to Hyde) You know, with that beard, it’s like Sabrina Duncan was Frenching Grizzly Adams.   HYDE: (to Donna) Hey, Ann-Margret, you’re the one who came back from California so’s you could make out with Opie.   He stands, paces behind his chair.   JACKIE: (to Eric, Donna) Okay. So, you two are probably wondering what’s going on...   HYDE: Hold up there, Jaq. I reserve my right to remain silent. Good cop, sexy cop here ain’t breaking me.   He sits in his chair, looks up at Donna.   HYDE (cont’d): Though I might have a little trouble resisting orders from that uniform.   JACKIE: Yeah. Look, can we not make a big deal about this? This was just a summer fling.   ERIC: (beat) “Was?”   JACKIE: “Was” what?   ERIC: You said “was.” “It was a summer fling.”   DONNA: Wait... so does that mean it’s over now, or...   Jackie’s eyes dart to Hyde, and Hyde looks to her. They both shift in their seats.   ERIC/DONNA: OH!/WOW!   Eric and Donna both cry out, march around in place, and pull wild, amused faces as Jackie and Hyde roll their eyes.   Fez strolls in through the open door. The first thing he sees is Donna in her uniform.   FEZ: (to Donna) Well, well. Naughty ladies wear plaid.   DONNA: Fez, please.   KELSO: That’s right. Beg for it, sexy schoolgirl.   DONNA: Fez, it finally happened.   FEZ: The Playboy Bunnies are coming to Point Place?   DONNA: No – Jackie and Hyde!   Fez considers for a second, then realizes what she means.   FEZ: OH!   Fez’s eyes go wide, and he beings to march in place and pull the same wild faces as Eric and Donna did. Jackie, unamused, looks to Hyde, who puts a hand over his face.   ERIC: I just... I can’t – I can’t – I can’t – I can’t -   HYDE: Hey, Porky Pig, shut your porker.   DONNA: (to Jackie) So when you said “summer fling,” how long does that mean this has been going on?   JACKIE: (sighs) Since the night you and Michael left for California.   ERIC: Since the night they – what?   FEZ: And you could not tell your friends? Kelso was gone, Donna was gone, I had no woman – Fez went the whole summer without a show, dammit!   DONNA: (to Jackie) Were you even broken up with Kelso by then?   ERIC: (gasps) Kelso!   The grin slides off his face. He looks away from the others, his hands going over his mouth.   HYDE: (to Eric) Settle down, Esmerelda.   ERIC: Okay, just pick a name and stick to it!   JACKIE: (to Donna, Fez) Look, Michael ran out on me before he even left for California. I was so over him. And... well, like you said, Donna, I was ready to find someone else. And Steven was there.   FEZ: I was there too! (to Hyde) You sent me home that night, you son of a bitch!   JACKIE: No Fez, I mean he’s been there. And I needed a fling, and that’s what Steven does. Even though he didn’t have his hobo-beard then.   Fez and Donna, still amused, look to Hyde for his side of the story.   HYDE: (shrugs) She’s hot.   FEZ: Oh, please. We’ve known about you all along, Johnny Cool.   Donna nods. Jackie looks to Hyde, who shrugs again.   Eric crosses to the couch, leans on the back.   ERIC: Hang on, guys. Now, look – joking around is one thing. Attraction is one thing, whether it’s... (points at Fez) A freaky, foreign flame... (points to Jackie) A crazy cheerleader crush... (points to Hyde) Or the unholy pull of the devil on a hellraiser. But actually dating within the group? This is not good, okay? Kelso is gonna freak out.   Donna’s and Fez’s faces both fall.   DONNA/FEZ: Oh, God./Ai!   JACKIE:  And why does Michael need to know?   ERIC: Because you’re breaking up the band, Yoko!   DONNA: He’s right. This is gonna be really bad. (to Jackie) I mean, when Kelso finds out that his best friend is your new boyfriend -   JACKIE: He is not my boyfriend!   HYDE: I’m not her boyfriend! (to Jackie) They just don’t get it.   JACKIE: No, why would they? (beat) Let’s go, baby.   They both stand, and she leads him out the door.   Eric and Donna move to sit on the couch while Fez remains standing by the door.   ERIC: Jackie and Hyde. Batman and Catwoman. James Bond and Pussy Galore’s bitchy little sister.   DONNA: No, this could work out. I mean, Hyde’s been a good influence on her anyway.   ERIC: Donna, he’s taught her the basics of vandalism, carjacking, and breaking and entering.   DONNA: All right, so the curriculum is evil, but just the act of making her think is something. And he won’t admit it, but Jackie brings out Hyde’s soft side. This could be good.   ERIC: Yeah. And, if it doesn’t work out... I mean, we’ve broken up once, and Jackie and Kelso have broken up way, way more than once and we’re all still friends. It might not be so bad.   FEZ: Yes. Kelso might even be happy for them, and not do anything stupid.   They all take a beat to think about that.   DONNA: It’s gonna be bad.   ERIC/FEZ: Oh, yeah./And how.   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   Once Fez and KELSO are gone, Hyde gets up from his chair, snags “Rolling Stone” from the coffee table, and sits next to Jackie on the couch. Jackie leans in slightly to read over his shoulder.   Eric gets off the back of the couch and moves behind Donna in the lawn chair. They both look to Jackie and Hyde and grin. Jackie and Hyde keep reading, not looking up, but Donna and Eric keep grinning. Finally, Hyde flips the magazine down in frustration.   HYDE/JACKIE: Shut up!   Eric and Donna giggle.   DONNA: Wow. You two are already doing the couple doublespeak? It’s like Siamese twins – but, you know, no incest.   ERIC: Still going with the “summer fling” story, huh?   HYDE: Yes. And this is why we didn’t wanna tell you. So I fooled around with a chick. It’s what I do all the time anyway.   JACKIE: Yeah. And I just needed to clear my head. I didn’t need another relationship. And, if I did, I didn’t want it to turn into Lady and the Tramp. (points at Hyde’s beard) I mean, look how scruffy that thing is!   DONNA: You do know every part of that was in the past tense, right?   ERIC: Oh, this is so a relationship now.   HYDE: I don’t do relationships.   DONNA: Well, whatever it is, if you keep it up, you should tell Kelso.   ERIC: Yeah, or this is gonna get ugly. “Creature from the Black Lagoon” ugly.   JACKIE: Okay, look – Michael doesn’t need to know about this, okay? In fact... we’ll just break it off right now.   HYDE: (beat) Look, there’s nothing to even break off, so it’s fine by me.   ERIC: (beat) Okay.   DONNA: Okay.   ERIC: Good. Donna, now that you’re attending Catholic school, let us go and see if one of the priests will perform an exorcism in my basement.   They exit out the basement door.   Hyde puts back up the magazine, but Jackie gently grabs his arm.   JACKIE: Steven, I don’t want to break this off.   HYDE: Hey, you’re the one who keeps calling it a summer fling. If we’re gonna break it off, let’s break it off now.   JACKIE: No. (nods to door) They were right. This isn’t a fling anymore. I mean, I like how scruffy you are.   HYDE: Man, you were a whole lot easier to deal with when you just sickened me like you’re supposed to. (sighs) All right, fine. Let’s just go from here.   He tosses “Rolling Stone” onto the coffee table and cups Jackie’s face in his hands.   JACKIE: Okay, now – what about Michael?   HYDE: Details, baby, details.   He pulls her in, and they start to make out.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

Since the “new followers” notices have well outpaced recent activity, I thought this might be a good time to let those newer folks know - this is a side blog I set up for my Zenmasters: Seasons 3 to 5(+) script rewrites, the full list of which you can find here. That project is completed, so this isn’t likely to be a very active blog anymore with original content - just the odd thought, joke, or reblog. However, I am always open to questions/reviews/comments sent via Ask! 

#zenmasters #zen3to5 #zen3to5+

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-27: Love, Wisconsin Style

And here we go - Season 4 finale!

I didn't know when I started this project just how I'd end Season 4, and it was tricky to figure out. The goal was, without changing anything about the end of Season 5 (there will be a few Season 5 scripts coming, but none past the halfway point of the season), to make the ending of Season 4 give more weight to Hyde's insecurity and paranoia about Jackie and Kelso there. Feedback on how well that goal was met would be most welcome.

(I should say that I like the end of Season 5 quite a bit as it is. But, this being a project all about finding connective tissue between two different points in the show's run, I went a little further with that here.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   MUSIC NOTE: “Whatcha Gonna Do” by Pablo Cruise.   INT. HUB - DAY   A sunny afternoon, but the Hub is almost empty – it’s still school hours. But there are two customers – ERIC and KITTY. Eric leans against the counter as he talks with his mother. “Whatcha Gonna Do” plays on the jukebox.   ERIC: So Mr. Hammond said it was fine for me to miss class, ‘cause I’m already getting an “A.” So just as you suspected, Mom, I am better than everybody.   KITTY: All I know is that my little boy was very brave at the dentist today. Wasn't he? Yes he was, my widdle snickelfritz.   ERIC: Okay, Mom, when a man reaches a certain age, the baby voice no longer comforts him. It urges him to kill.   The door opens. In walk DONNA and CASEY. Well, Casey walks; Donna nearly falls over her feet trying to get through the doorway. She’s giggling fit to burst, and a large cup is in her hand. As she stumbles, she knocks over a chair.   Casey rights the chair, steadies Donna, leads her toward the nearest table.   CASEY: Okay, let's get you some coffee. Nobody pukes in the Trans Am.   As they walk, Donna finally notices Eric and Kitty.   DONNA: (gasps) Mrs. Forman! Uh-oh, you look mad. What did Eric do? (to Eric) Bad Eric!   KITTY: Donna, why aren't you in school?   CASEY: No worries, I called her in sick. Told ‘em, “lady troubles.” No questions asked.   Donna starts to giggle again and loses her balance. Casey and Eric money to steady her.   ERIC: Hey, easy there, wobbles.   KITTY: (to Donna) Have you been drinking?   DONNA: I hope so. 'Cause if not, this whole place is a-spinning! Hang on boys, it's a twister!   She twirls her finger around and pivots on her feet, rocking back and forth between Eric and Casey as they try to get her upright.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   THE CIRCLE. “Bad Time” by Grand Funk Railroad plays on the record player in the background. Eric is related the events of the last scene.   ERIC: So, my mom and I were at the Hub getting ice cream, and we caught Donna with Casey, skipping school. And she was drunk. In the middle of the afternoon. It was like Sue Ellen on Dallas!   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: (to Eric) You went to the Hub for ice cream with your mommy? (laughs) Why would you tell me that?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Hyde, the point is he went for ice cream. Without us! (to Eric) You cannot pick up a phone?   Pan to Kelso   KELSO: Hey, if we’re gonna burn Forman, can we hurry it up? You guys know I’m hiding from Jackie. The longer I stay in any one spot, the more likely she is to catch me, and then I gotta deal with her wanting to get married. TO ME!   The record player skips. Kelso jumps at the noise and bolts for the stairs.   Pan to Eric, who watches Kelso run upstairs before turning back to the Circle.   ERIC: Guys, my mom's over at the Pinciotti's right now telling Bob about Donna being drunk. You can't do that kind of stuff in the middle of the afternoon. It'll mess up with your... your... your thinking thing.   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Yeah, you gotta stay sharp, man. That's why I keep myself pure until 3 o' clock. (checks watch) Two o'clock. That's why I keep myself pure until two o'clock.   He lifts up his hand; his watch isn’t even on.   HYDE (cont’d): I'm not wearing a watch.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   A short time later. Hyde, Eric, and Kelso play basketball as best they can with the El Camino in the driveway. Kelso keeps shooting nervous glances down the street in both directions.   ERIC: (to Hyde) Hey, you know what? Donna getting busted is actually great for me, because now she's gotta realize what a jackass Casey is. And when she dumps him, I'll be standing right here with open arms and a gentle “I told you so.”   He mistakes Hyde’s frown for agreement.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh yeah, that could happen. After all, I made that girl a woman.   Kelso, dribbling the ball, bounces it into the hubcap of the El Camino. The clang makes him jump back and look around frantically. Eric puts a steadying arm on his shoulder.   ERIC (cont’d): Kelso, you know you can’t hide from Jackie forever. Shouldn’t you just talk to her about this?   KELSO: Eric, marriage is not a “this.” Marriage is not even an “it.” Marriage is the death of “it,” as in “doin’ it,” and me and my lightning rod in the pants have a lot more doin’ it to do!   Hyde takes the basketball from him, starts to dribble, looks down the road toward the Pinciotti’s house.   HYDE: (to Kelso) Hey, man. Here comes Jackie.   KELSO: RUN!   He shoves past Eric, rounds the El Camino, and cuts through the garage.   Once he’s gone, Eric and Hyde share a laugh; it was a false alarm.   ERIC: So, Jackie wants to marry Kelso. That’s gotta hurt, huh? Say, when you get them back together again, maybe you should offer to perform the ceremony.   HYDE: Not this time, man. I mean, marriage in high school? That’s too weird, man. I’m staying out of it.   Something over Hyde’s shoulder catches Eric’s eye. He strains to get a better look.   ERIC: Here comes Jackie.   HYDE: (scoffs) Come on, man. I’m not falling for that.   But it’s no false alarm this time: JACKIE marches right up behind Hyde.   JACKIE: Where’s Michael?   Her shout makes Hyde jump and drop the ball. He turns to look at her; she is one pissed off girl.   HYDE: He’s not here.   JACKIE: Oh, don’t you give me that! I know that idiot still thinks the upstairs hall closet is a good hiding place!   ERIC: (nods) Every game of hide-and-seek, ages 5 to 12. And he managed to get stuck under the bottom shelf every time.   JACKIE: Look, he can’t blow me off like this! He proposed, I heard him. (holds up left hand) And he is putting a ring on this finger even if I have to chase him all the way to Minnesota!   She tugs on Hyde’s arm.   JACKIE (cont’d): Steven, I need you to help me look for Michael.   HYDE: Excuse me?   Jackie nods to the El Camino.   JACKIE: He can’t go far on foot and his van can’t outrun your car. Come on, let’s go!   HYDE: Jackie, I’m not driving you all over town looking for Kelso. I don’t even wanna look in the hall closet.   JACKIE: (pouts) Fine!   She elbows past Hyde, goes around the El Camino.   Hyde shakes his head, turns to Eric. Before either of them can speak, they jump back at the revving of the El Camino’s engine. Jackie’s head sticks out from the driver’s side window.   JACKIE (cont’d): Move it or lose it!   ERIC: (to Hyde) Did she lift the keys to the El Camino off you?   Hyde pats down his pockets. His jaw drops.   HYDE: I taught her that move!   ERIC: You’ve created a monster.   HYDE: I know! And the worst part is, that was kinda hot!   Eric throws his hands up, shakes his head, and turns to go inside.   Jackie honks the horn. Hyde frowns at her, she scowls back, and he slowly makes his way around to the passenger’s side door.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – DAY   The aftermath of Kitty’s news relay. Donna sits on her bed, arms crossed, as BOB and JOANNE loom over her. Bob is in a rage.   BOB: (to Donna) What the hell’s going on with you? You’re grounded! No arguments!   DONNA: Dad, I’m not grounded.   BOB: Okay, well, then whatever you think is best.   Joanne rolls her eyes.   JOANNE: No! Not whatever she thinks is best. (to Joanne) You are grounded!   DONNA: Hey, You're not my mother! You have no say in what I do.   She stands, storms out of the room.   BOB: (to Joanne) Well, she’s got you there.   He shrugs and leaves Joanne shaking her head.   CUT TO:   INT. HUB - DAY   Late in the afternoon. The sunlight coming in through the window is starting to turn to evening gold. “More, More, More” by Andrea True Connection plays on the jukebox.   Fez and Kelso sit at a round table near the center of the floor, Kelso’s head jerking this way and that as he scans the crowd.   FEZ: Kelso, you seem tense. I think living in a home with so many siblings does not provide you with enough privacy to relieve yourself – if you know what I mean.   KELSO: It’s not that kind of tension, Fez. Being a one-woman man is one thing, but – but I can’t get married! I’m 18 years old, and way too hot!   FEZ: So just say so. Go on, be a man!   KELSO: That’s just it. I’m not a man. Which is why I don’t wanna get married! But... well, a lot of people don’t know this about us, but Jackie’s pretty much in charge.   Fez raises his eyebrows; Kelso doesn’t notice.   KELSO (cont’d): If she says she wants to get married, then it might happen! The only way it won’t happen is if I’m not around when she does.   Something out the window catches Fez’s eye; he leans for a better look.   FEZ: Here comes Jackie, driving the El Camino.   KELSO: RUN!   He throws himself out of his chair, sending it flying back to the door. He scrambles on all fours to reach the bathroom door, and we cut to:   INT. HUB BATHROOM – DAY   Kelso hurries inside, throws open the bathroom window, backs up just enough to get a running start, and launches himself cleanly through the window.   KELSO (v.o.): (laughing) Man, that was awesome!   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   An emergency confab. As Kitty ices a cake at the stovetop, Bob talks with RED and Eric by the island. BOB: And then I told Donna she was grounded, and she said no!   KITTY: (looks up) She said no?   ERIC: Can you do that?   RED: No.   BOB: I need your help, Red. I gotta get Donna away from that guy!   ERIC: Oh, Dad, you know what's good? Threaten her with the old foot in the ass!   KITTY: You know, that Casey. How could such a bad influence live in such a handsome package? Bad people should have a big scar and an eye patch so you could recognize them!   BOB: The problem is, you know, there's a point where your kids realize you can’t do nothing to control them.   ERIC: There is?   RED: (to Eric) No! Now stop listening. (to Bob) Bob, I don't wanna get involved. I've got enough problems with the fourteen kids who think they live here now.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT   Immediately following the above. The El Camino pulls into the driveway. There is a dent and a long, red streak across the passenger side.   Hyde exits out the driver’s side door, and Fez and Jackie exit out the passenger’s side. Jackie immediately crosses to Hyde.   JACKIE: Steven, you get back here! We aren’t done yet!   HYDE: Yes, we are. When you ruin the paint job and take out a fire hydrant, that’s the end of El Camino privileges for you, young lady!   Something down the driveway catches Fez’s eye.   FEZ: Someone’s coming.   They all turn to look. It’s Donna and Casey, out for a walk-and-talk.   CASEY: So the guy’s trying to tell me that his Z28 is the same car as my Trans Am except for the decals.   DONNA: How can people be so ignorant?   The patio door slides open. Bob marches out, followed by Eric, Kitty, and Red.   BOB: I see you Donna! I see you!   DONNA: Dad!   BOB: Don't you “dad” me. You're not going anywhere, not with this guy. You're grounded again!   Hyde, Jackie, and Fez huddle together. Fez brings out a box of chocolate-covered raisins.   FEZ: (to Jackie & Hyde) Candy?   JACKIE: Please.   She helps herself to a piece.   DONNA: Dad, I'm gonna do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I wanna do it!   BOB: We have to have a talk right now, Donna!   CASEY: Mr. Pinciotti, sir, let me just say you're making a lot of sense here, and I think that when I bring Donna home tonight, you two ought to sit down and really hammer this thing out.   Everyone’s on bated breath as they look to Bob.   BOB: (beat) Okay, that sounds fair.   Everyone but Donna groans together.   ERIC: What? You're just gonna let her go off with him?   BOB: What else can I do?   RED: Oh, good God, that's it! Everybody in the living room. (no one moves) NOW!   That does it. Everyone moves to enter the house. Red holds up a hand to block Jackie, Fez, and Hyde.   RED: Not you.   He enters the house. Bob, having been behind Fez, stays out with the kids. He takes a raisin that Fez offers.   Red sticks his head out the patio door.   RED: Bob, get in here!   He heads back inside, Bob in tow.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Tough love time. Eric stands by the front door with Bob. Donna and Casey are on the couch, the reluctant center of attention. Red stands behind his chair, leaning on it as he yells.   RED: Donna, what has gotten into you? Skipping school, showing no respect for your father -   BOB: That's right!   RED: Shut up, Bob.   Kitty hurries in from the kitchen with a big snack bowl.   KITTY: Okay, here's snacks!   She sets the bowl down on the coffee table.   KITTY (cont’d): So, anybody need a drink?   CASEY: I'll take a rum and coke for the road.   ERIC: Hey, hey, buddy? A little tip? I think booze is what got you in trouble in the first place!   RED: (to Casey) How could you take this girl out drinking in the middle of the day!   CASEY: You know how it is. All the older girls were at work.   He chuckles at his own joke and jostles Donna with his shoulder. She doesn’t look amused.   ERIC: Can I say - this guy is not boyfriend material.   BOB: I agree. You're not going out with him anymore. You two are done!   DONNA/CASEY: No!/Alright.   They look to each other.   DONNA: What?   CASEY: You gotta admit, this has been a real hassle. I mean, it was fun, and you're a great girl, but let's just call it a day.   ERIC: Wait... you're breaking up with her?   DONNA: Casey, I thought you said you...   She looks around the room. She leans in close to Casey and drops her voice.   DONNA (cont’d): You know... you said you loved me.   CASEY: I have this thing where I say stuff I don't really mean.   DONNA: Casey...   CASEY: Look, Donna, I see what you're getting at, and I'm not that type of guy.   He pats her knee.   CASEY (cont’d): Mrs. Forman, let's say we rain-check that rum and coke.   He stands, pats Eric on the shoulder, and walks out the front door.   Eric looks to Donna.   ERIC: Donna, I'm... I’m really sorry.   DONNA: You're not sorry. You got exactly what you wanted.   She stands, moves to the kitchen door. She throws it open, knocking into an eavesdropping Hyde, Jackie, and Fez. They fall back toward the fridge as Donna runs from the house.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   Eric is alone, brooding on the couch. He stands when he hears the door open. Kitty enters, with Donna.   KITTY: Eric, there's someone here to see you.   ERIC: (to Donna) Hi.   DONNA: Hi.   KITTY: Okay, can I get anyone a snack?   ERIC: Mom.   KITTY: Right, right. Have to stop doing that. (laughs)   She makes a quick exit. Eric and Donna look to each other.   ERIC: (beat) So, um... how are you?   Donna crosses to him.   DONNA: Humiliated. I'm such an idiot. I got dumped in front of the whole world. I don't... I don't even know what I said to your mom at the Hub and I hate that she saw me like that. What is wrong with me?   ERIC: Hey, nothing. Look, your mom left. Come on – you’re allowed to freak out.   DONNA: Everybody warned me about Casey and I fell for him anyway. He's such a jackass!   ERIC: I really, really wanted you to figure that out. Just not like this.   DONNA: Eric, I'm just... (sniffs) I'm so sorry.   ERIC: Hey.   He pulls her into an embrace. Donna nestles her head into the crook of his neck as she breaks into tears.   DONNA: I was so stupid!   As they pull apart, Donna brings Eric into a deep kiss. He just starts to give in when she pulls back and gives him a desperate look.   DONNA: Eric, we should be together.   ERIC: Wait, what?   DONNA: Let's just, like, forget all this other stuff happened.   She embraces him again.   ERIC: Wait...wait.   Eric pulls away.   ERIC (cont’d): Donna... I mean, if you come running back to me now, I... Donna, I can't be your second choice.   DONNA: But you're not! Eric...   He bows his head. Even as her tears come again, he won’t look up.   Donna turns, runs to the door. As she opens it, Kitty spills into the basement. She quickly stands and feigns confusion.   KITTY: Oh! Where am I?   She zips back out the door, and Donna follows.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT   Hyde and Fez inspect the damage to the El Camino. Fez’s candy box is balanced on the rim of the flatbed. Jackie paces up and down the driveway, her eyes fixed on the road. Behind his shades, Hyde rolls his eyes.   HYDE: Jackie, just go home.   JACKIE: No! I know Michael has to be here some time. This is the only place he can get popsicles without one of his brothers trying to push the stick up his nose.   FEZ: (nodding) It’s true. And believe me, that is unpleasant.   Hyde sighs, crosses to Jackie.   HYDE: Jackie, this is nuts. Shotgun weddings are for rednecks who knock up trailer trash and then get caught by her dad. Look, man, whatever you thought you heard, Kelso doesn’t want to get married. He’s not around because he doesn’t want to see you.   JACKIE: Yes, he does, Steven! He told me that -   HYDE: That he wanted to get married? Kelso? Michael “I didn’t know that firecracker would blow up the toilet” Kelso?   Jackie’s eyes begin to water. She searches for words and can’t find any. Finally, she shakes her head.   JACKIE: No. No, he didn’t. I got carried away, and I tried to control him, like I always do. (begins crying) But he wouldn’t even talk to me about it?   She rushes to Hyde and throws her arms around his neck. Hyde throws his own hands up in the air.   HYDE: Every time.   FEZ:  (to Jackie) Hey, he got the last two break-ups! Give someone else a chance!   Hyde gives Fez a warning look.   FEZ (cont’d): I know, I know. “Go home, Fez.”   He begins slinking away, makes it halfway down the drive, then doubles back for his box of candy. He shoots Hyde one last dirty look before taking off.   Hyde holds Jackie loosely by the arms and gently pushes her back.   HYDE: Jackie... come on, man.   JACKIE: (through tears) What kind of relationship is this when he tells me he wants to be together forever, then runs away as soon as I want a commitment? And after everything I put up with because he couldn’t get over that one kiss, when I never made him go through anything like that when he cheated on me. Well, enough is enough. I’m over him for good.   She wipes furiously at her tears. Hyde shifts on his feet; he’s skeptical.   HYDE: What did you want that kind of commitment for, anyway? You’re in high school.   JACKIE: You wouldn’t understand. Steven, you’ve only ever had meaningless flings. I’m not like that, okay? I want love. True love. And Michael and I have been together so long, that I just thought -   HYDE: Jackie, you’ve never been with anyone else. Even after the last time you two broke up, you didn’t see anybody, not really. Now, come on, man. You’re young and free now. Play the field. I told you before, you can find someone better than Kelso.   JACKIE: But Steven, I’ve never felt anything for anybody else.   HYDE: Anybody?   Jackie looks up from wiping her eyes. She sees Hyde standing right in front of her. We cut to:   JACKIE’S POV. She looks at Hyde’s chest, showing through the open buttons of his shirt...   At his mouth as he smacks his lips...   At his shades, as one eyebrow goes up...   END POV. Jackie grabs Hyde’s head in her hands and pulls him down into a rough, deep kiss. Hyde gives in, snakes his fingers through her hair as Jackie runs her hands up and down his body.   They break apart. Hyde coughs, adjusts his shades.   HYDE: Huh. (beat) Jackie, you’re on the rebound, and this didn’t take the last time we were here. If you’re just looking to get back at Kelso -   Jackie throws down the door to the flatbed of the El Camino and points.   JACKIE: Get in.   Hyde looks from the flatbed to Jackie. She holds up his keys in her free hand.   HYDE: Hey, you keep stealing my keys, it’s gonna stop being a turn-on.   Jackie gives him a look.   HYDE (cont’d): (laughs) No it’s not.   Jackie throws herself at him. Her weight sends them crashing back into the flatbed.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   Eric is in a chair from the kitchen table, turned to face the living room door. Red and Kitty stand over him, both furious.   RED: Let me get this straight: Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?   ERIC: I said no.   RED: You said no!   KITTY: (beat) Dumbass!   ERIC: Look, I have my reasons, okay?   KITTY: What could they be? What could they possibly be?   ERIC: Casey dumps her and she comes to me? Okay, I'm not a rebound!   RED: So you're too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You're not an athlete. The only smart thing about you is your mouth. And look at you!   KITTY: Red, Red, he looks fine! He's just so darn stupid! I'm very upset.   ERIC: Well, stop, okay? Because I already feel bad enough as it is.   KITTY: Well you should!   ERIC: Well, I do! I love her.   He stands, starts to pace.   ERIC: God, why do I always have to screw these things up, you know? Why does everything always have to be my way? That's why we broke up in the first place.   KITTY: Well, we've all known that for a year!   ERIC: Okay. Okay, I have to tell Donna how I feel.   He doesn’t move at once.   RED: Then go!   Eric nods, heads out the patio door.   Kitty leans on Red, and he puts an arm around her.   KITTY: Oh, Red!   RED: I know. We're never gonna get him out of the house.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT   The lights are off, but the door is open. Eric runs inside.   ERIC: Donna?   No one answers. Eric steps inside, looks around.   Bob and Joanne enter. Eric crosses to them.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hello, Mr. Pinciotti, Mrs... I'm sorry, Joanne, I don't know your last name. I have something to tell you guys. I love Donna.   JOANNE: Well, she isn't here. We don't know where she is. (beat) And it's Stupack.   ERIC: Well, if it's okay, I'll just wait.   He sits down on the bed. Bob crosses to him, pats his shoulder.   BOB: Sure. I always liked you.   ERIC: Oh, thank you, sir.   BOB: But do me a favor. Don't play with her undergarments.   He and Joanne exit as Eric settles in.   CUT TO:   EXT. HUB PARKING LOT - NIGHT   Past closing hours. Kelso’s Samba slowly pulls into the lot. Kelso sticks his head out, looking left and right. He brings the van into park, gets out, and stretches.   Donna walks by, a knapsack slung over her shoulder. Kelso crosses to her.   KELSO: Hey. Where are you going?   DONNA: Bus station. I'm going to my mom's in California.   KELSO: Oh, my God. You're running away.   DONNA: I don't know what else to do.   KELSO: No, I know how you feel. I feel trapped in this town. There isn’t any place I can go where I’m not gonna eventually run into Jackie. And when that happens –   He hums a few bars of the wedding march, then mimes hanging himself.   KELSO (cont’d): Hey... hey, you know what? I'll drive you. We'll both go to California!   He slaps Donna on the shoulder and goes back to the van.   DONNA: Kelso, are you up for this?   KELSO: Hey, if the Beverly Hillbillies can do it, so can I.   Donna chuckles and nods.   DONNA: Great, let's go.   They both climb into the van. Kelso starts ‘er up, and they take off.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT   Eric lies back on the bed. He plays with the pillows, twiddles his thumbs, and checks his watch.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY   MUSIC NOTE: Theme from “The Beverley Hillbillies.”   On the road for California. Donna sleeps while Kelso drives. Kelso glances over, sees that Donna is asleep. He reaches a hand back for her chest. She wakes up just in time to smack him away.   DONNA: Kelso! I'm not gonna tell you again!   KELSO: I was just reaching for my soda. Damn!   DONNA: I should have taken the bus.   END.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

J/H 5-04: Heartbreaker

And here, we're just adjusting the beginning of the episode up until the first confrontation between Kelso and Hyde.

You may be wondering, "are there any full rewrites of Season 5 episodes?" Well, don't worry, reader - I've saved the best (or at least, the most comprehensive) for last... stay tuned...

FF.Net AO3

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SHOW TITLE   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT   The last moments of the previous episode. KELSO, amiably confused, giggles at the sight of JACKIE and HYDE kissing through the patio door as ERIC and DONNA look on.   KELSO: Why’s Hyde kissing Jackie?   He looks to Eric, who looks down at his feet, and to Donna, who shakes her head. Slowly, he understands. He slams his soda down on the counter.   KELSO: What the hell? He's dead!   DONNA: Kelso...   He pays her no mind, but bolts to the patio door. When he tries to open it, however, it won’t budge. He struggles with the door, even as Jackie and Hyde walk away.   KELSO: Open, dammit! No, they're getting away! (to Eric) What is wrong with this thing?   ERIC: Well, this is against my better judgment, but...   He flips down the lock on the door.   KELSO: Thank you. Now, Hyde's really dead!   He takes one step, and hits the screen door behind the patio door, knocking it off its frame.   KELSO (cont’d): OW! That's invisible!   He throws the screen door to the ground and steps back inside.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   MUSIC NOTE: “Heartless” by Heart.   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT   Moments later. Eric and Donna lead Kelso over to the kitchen table and sit him down.   ERIC: Donna, we have to stabilize him. We're gonna need pudding, and lots of it.   She nods, crosses to the fridge. Kelso stands and begins to pace.   KELSO: Who chooses a chick over a friend?   ERIC: What? Kelso, come on. Remember when you made me walk home in a blizzard 'cause you wanted ten extra minutes to make out with Pam Macy?   KELSO: No, but I didn't steal Pam Macy from you. And you could've played in the snow until we were done. (points to door) How long has this been going on?   Donna, giant bowl of pudding in hand, crosses to them.   DONNA: I guess since we left for California.   KELSO: WHAT?   DONNA: You’d already ran out on Jackie by then, remember? She wanted to get married, you bailed, so she found someone else. Look at the facts, Kelso.   KELSO: No. I don't care. I'm kicking Hyde's ass.   He moves for the door, but Eric blocks his path.   ERIC: Whoa, Kelso, Kelso, come on. You couldn't open my kitchen door. I mean...   DONNA: Seriously. Think about how this plan usually turns out.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   FLASHBACK. Hyde and Donna sit on opposite ends of the couch, watching TV, while Kelso stands and chews gum. He sneaks behind Hyde, leans over, and spits the gum into his hair. He gets maybe three full seconds to laugh before Hyde pulls him over the back of the couch, flips him over, and punches him in the eye.   KELSO: (Groans) That's my eye!   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   FLASHBACK. On the porch, Eric and Donna sit in the chairs while Kelso hangs on the railing. Hyde steps out from the kitchen with a plate of brownies.   HYDE: Nice.   He sets them down on the railing and heads back inside. Kelso bends over and licks both brownies. He’s still doing that when Hyde comes back out with a glass of milk. He sets the milk down, wrestles Kelso onto the pavement, and punches him in the eye.   KELSO: Ah! My eye!   He stands up, pouts, and then marches off in a huff through the garage.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   FLASHBACK. The El Camino is in the driveway, the radio on full blast. Hyde lovingly polishes the hood of the car while Kelso watches from the porch chairs.   Hyde goes to the garage. As soon as he’s out of sight, Kelso hops up, drops his pants, and sits on the hood of the El Camino and wiggles his butt around. Unfortunately, he isn’t out of Hyde’s sight.   HYDE: Bastard!   He races back out. Kelso hops off the car and tries to run around it.   KELSO: No, no, stop! That's my butt print! Look at it! No two are the same!   Hyde catches and tackles him back behind the El Camino. We hear a very ugly THUMP.   KELSO: Ow! (Crying) My eye!   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT   Back to the present. Kelso crosses back to the kitchen table and sits down.   KELSO: Well, what am I supposed to do? I mean, he broke the code! He's wrong!   He looks to Eric for support; Eric shrugs and gives a reluctant nod.   KELSO (cont’d): He's, like, my oldest friend, and he stabbed me in the back.   Donna steps forward with a cheery smile and the bowl of pudding. Kelso takes it and start eating.   DONNA: So, Kelso, how many things around here have you put your butt on?   Kelso takes a long look around the kitchen.   KELSO: Let's start with what I haven't put my butt on.   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   Eric and Donna sit on one end of the couch, and Kelso on the arm of the other. “How Long” by Ace plays on the radio.   KELSO: I can't believe that you knew Jackie and Hyde were together and you didn't tell me.   DONNA: We didn’t tell Jackie when you were cheating on her with Laurie.   KELSO: (scoffs) That is not the same!   DONNA: Why not?   KELSO: Laurie wasn’t Jackie’s best friend! And neither was Pam Macy. Or Mrs. Ferguson. Or the ones I never told you about.   Eric and Donna share a look as Kelso turns away, pouting.   KELSO (cont’d): I'm - it's just - how can Hyde do this to me?   KITTY and FEZ come down the stairs, Kitty with a load of laundry.   KITTY: Uh-oh. It sounds like he knows.   FEZ: Finally.   KELSO: What, your mom knew? And Fez? Fez never knows anything!   FEZ: I know. I'm really coming into my own.   KELSO: Whatever. You know, none of this is as bad as Hyde not telling me. I mean, I know Jackie had a crush on him for a while when we were broken up, but I’m starting to think all those times, when me and her were dating, when Hyde took her side, and taught her stuff, and tried to get me caught screwing up? I think he might have liked her then too!   ERIC: (flat) No. Really?   KELSO: That’s right. The mindblowers are comin’ left and right today, Eric! Keep up! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make him tell me.   DONNA: How are you gonna do that?   KELSO: By outwitting him conversationally. What a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.   KITTY: (beat) I'm gonna go find an eye patch.   She hurries up the stairs as Fez takes Hyde’s chair.   Hyde himself enters through the basement door. Kelso hurries to meet him.   HYDE: What's up?   KELSO: (circling Hyde) That's an interesting question, Hyde. What is up?   HYDE: (beat) Well, I guess you know about me and Jackie.   KELSO: Ahh! So the battle of wits has begun!   HYDE: What battle of wits? I admit it. I've been messing around with Jackie.   KELSO: I hate you!   He lunges at Hyde, but Hyde side steps. Kelso crashes face-first into the corner of an old speaker.   KELSO (cont’d): Ow! My eye!   He slaps a hand over his eye, pouts at Hyde, and storms off through the basement door.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

hey! first of all, love the rewrite, it's great. secondly, is there anything you've written for it that you then decided to take out or ideas that you've considered but decided against them? if so, what and why?

Thank you! When I first started working on the rewrite, I really wanted to put in a fantasy sequence where Hyde, Fez, and Kelso acted out the Mexican standoff from the end of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, with Hyde as Clint Eastwood, Kelso as Lee Van Cleef, and Fez as Eli Wallach (though I went back and forth on those last two.) It would’ve been part of a storyline where their respective feelings for Jackie put them into a series of escalating hijinks trying to impress her. But besides pulling a conflict from the end of Season 5 too early in the series, Fez meets Caroline so soon after “Ice Shack” that there just wasn’t anywhere to do it - none that I could see, anyway, without sacrificing a good chunk of the Fez/Caroline story, inventing an episode that doesn’t exist, or pushing a rewrite past the length that could reasonably be made into a 23-minute episode (all of the full rewrites so far have ended up between 23 and 27 pages.)

EDIT: I also wanted a fantasy sequence in “Over the Hills and Far Away” that would’ve had Hyde as Henry Higgins and Jackie as Eliza Doolittle, but with things going the opposite direction as My Fair Lady; Jackie-Eliza would’ve been a wealthy society lady that Hyde-Henry trained to be a raucous, street-roaming hellraiser. But again, I couldn’t find a way to do it in the time realistically available to a TV episode, so it just became a quick reference.

#ask #zen3to5 #zenmasters #steven hyde #jackie burkhart #michael kelso #fez #ask me anything!

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-20: Jackie’s Cheese Squeeze

Another partial rewrite...but this one is much more Zen-heavy ;) Basically, every scene dealing with the "secret squirrel" runner has been rewritten with a new runner involving Hyde.

We assume that, in this timeline, 4-19 ("Leo Loves Kitty") is without changes.

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INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   ERIC stands in front of the TV. Before him sit HYDE in his chair and DONNA and FEZ on the couch. He has their full attention.   ERIC: I saw Jackie making out with the guy from the cheese shop! The little guy!   Donna breaks into a huge grin, Fez’s jaw drops, and Hyde folds his arms and scowls.   DONNA: No way!   ERIC: Oh, yeah. She was chompin’ on the cheddar.   DONNA: She was swapping spit with the Swiss?   ERIC: She was gettin’ the Gouda.   FEZ: Ooh, ooh! She was... doing it with the dairy?   ERIC: (beat) Fez, not bad, man!   He chuckles, Fez smiles, and Donna pats Fez on the back.   Eric looks over at Hyde.   HYDE: Hey, Hyde, buddy? You want in?   FEZ: Yes, we have just learned information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends. You live for days like this!   HYDE: Guys, this isn’t funny.   DONNA: Yeah, I guess he’s right. I mean, Kelso used to cheat on Jackie, like, all the time. If all she did was kiss this guy, then you could call it Kelso’s just desserts.   ERIC: What, you mean Jackie chewing on the cheesecake?   Donna and Fez snicker as Hyde stands.   HYDE: No, man. Jackie finally gets fed up with Kelso and she starts making out with Captain Curd? What a load of crap!   DONNA: Wow, Hyde, you’re really upset. Now, why would Jackie kissing some random cheese guy bother you so much?   She, Fez, and Eric all grin and look to him. Hyde’s shades don’t quite hide the nervous darting of his eyes.   HYDE: (beat) That’s my student out there, man, my grasshopper! I can’t have her locking lips with losers on the bottom rung of the food service industry!   He looks over his friends, seeing if they buy it; they clearly don’t.   HYDE (cont’d): The honor of the dojo’s on the line here!   They all just keep grinning.   HYDE (cont’d): Ah, get bent!   He stomps off to his room as the others break down laughing.

***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   The gang’s all here, but one. KELSO sits in the lawn chair. Eric, Fez, and Donna all sit on the couch (Eric up on its back) and Hyde sits in his chair.   JACKIE enters through the basement door. Eric looks up at her, grins, and turns to the others.   ERIC: Oh, hey, guys! It’s Kelso’s loyal girlfriend, Jackie!   DONNA & FEZ: (teasing) Hi, Jackie!   They smile up at her. Hyde turns to face the TV, his arms crossed.   JACKIE: (beat) Okay... I’m not here to stay. I just came to get Michael. (to Kelso) Come on.   ERIC: Oh, no, stay. We’re just gonna hang out and fool around. We all know how much you like to... fool around.   He gives her a telling look. Jackie edges away from him and taps Kelso on the shoulder.   JACKIE: Okay, Michael, come on. Let’s go to the Hub.   KELSO: No, I wanna stay here and fool around.   He smiles at the others, who all smile back sans Hyde and Jackie.   ERIC: So, hey, Jackie, how’s it going down at the cheese shop? You must be so tired from... giving it away at the mall.   Jackie glares at Eric, who just looks right back.   HYDE: It sickens me.   All eyes snap to him, though it takes him a moment to realize he spoke aloud and pulled focus.   HYDE: (beat) Corporations using free samples to lure the masses into gorging at the feed bags of their factory farmed dairy. I want no part of it!   He turns in his chair so his back is to the others.   KELSO: I think it’d be fun to be a dairy farmer. I’ve always wondered if those udders on a cow feel like boobs.   Jackie rolls her eyes and slaps Kelso’s arm.   JACKIE: Come on, Michael, let’s go!   ERIC: No, let’s stay! We could play Monopoly. Oh, but that wouldn’t be much fun since we all know that... Jackie cheats.   JACKIE: I do not!   KELSO: Oh, you do cheat. We’ve all caught you.   Jackie squirms on her feet as Eric, Donna, and Fez snicker.   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   THE CIRCLE. Kelso is halfway between a grin and a grimace. Elton John’s “Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting)” plays on the radio.   KELSO: You guys are never gonna believe this – Jackie cheated on me. WITH THE CHEESE GUY!   Pan to Hyde, just as upset as Kelso. His raised fist trembles as he glares out into space.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO (cont’d): I know. I was speechless too.   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Well, thank God all she did was kiss him.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: I guess, but... wait. How did you know all she did was kiss him?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Kiss? Ah... I didn’t say “kiss.” Don’t make fun of my accent.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: That cheese guy’s lucky he’s a little fella, or I’d kick his ass. Just – BOOM! Right in the ass!   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Hey, man, you gotta kick his ass. Like on Fantasy Island, if Tattoo took one of Mr. Roarke’s women up to his little tower and put it to her, Roarke would slap that little dude like a drunk southern widow! And then he’d hit him off with some vicious voodoo.   Pan to a laughing Donna.   DONNA: Voodoo on Tattoo. Voodoo... Tattoo... peek-a-boo! Honeydew... kung-fu... goo goo g’joob! (beat) I’m done.   ***   INT. MALL - DAY   Kelso’s on the warpath. He struts through the courtyard with Hyde, Donna, and Fez in tow. They make a beeline for the Cheese Palace, where TODD is taking inventory. Kelso gets right up in his face, with Hyde right beside him and Donna and Fez standing off to one side.   KELSO:  Your ass is mine, cheese puff!   TODD: How did you know my nickname?   KELSO: Wait – your nickname’s “cheese puff?”   Todd nods. Hyde smacks Kelso on the arm.   HYDE: (to Kelso) Stay focused – kick his ass!   KELSO: Yeah, right! Good! Yeah! (to Todd) What do you think you’re doing, kissing my girlfriend, huh? Huh?   TODD: Well, maybe if you paid more attention to that gorgeous creature than your little modeling gig, it wouldn’t have happened.   KELSO: Little? That picture sold hundreds of young men’s briefs all over the greater Kenosha area!   FEZ: It’s true. I bought three pairs. Very supportive!   KELSO: Yeah! (to Todd) So look – I know you’re a little fella, but I can’t let you go around kissing my girlfriend, so you’re gonna have to take a punch.   TODD: I understand.   Hyde circles around to Todd’s left and puts his dukes up as Kelso gives a solid jab to Todd’s gut. Todd, grinning like a madman, looks up at Kelso.   HYDE: (beat) Okay, that didn’t work.   TODD: Well, I guess it’s my turn.   He slowly advances toward Kelso, who backs up along with Hyde.   KELSO: Hey – I didn’t mean to scare you, little guy -   He grabs a serving tray off one of the decorative barrels and holds it up between himself and Todd. With one punch, Todd splits the board in two.   TODD: I’m a black belt.   Kelso and Hyde look to each other, Fez grabs Donna’s arm, and Donna’s jaw drops.   DONNA: I did not see that coming!   ***   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   As Eric promised, he and Jackie wait for Kelso, but they have company. While Eric paces the room, Fez sits in the lawn chair, and Donna and Hyde sit on either side of Jackie on the couch. Hyde has a busted lip.   JACKIE: And I’ve just had such a hard time lately that I guess I was open to any sign of affection.   DONNA: Well, that’s understandable. It’s just too bad it had to happen with your boss. (to Hyde) Right, Hyde?   Donna grins, and Jackie looks to Hyde. He looks straight ahead, his arms crossed.   HYDE: (to Jackie) You stay away from that cheese guy. Corporate stooge and kung-fu fighter? That combination shouldn’t be allowed to exist.   Kelso comes running down the stairs. Jackie stands and crosses to meet him.   KELSO: All right, look. Jackie, here’s the deal: you cheated on me.   JACKIE: You used to cheat on me all the time.   KELSO: Yeah? Well... yeah.   As he considers that, Jackie crosses, sits on the deep freeze.   KELSO (cont’d): (following Jackie) But you cheated out of hate, and I cheated out of joy.   Jackie shakes her head.   JACKIE: I didn’t cheat out of hate, Michael. I cheated because, lately, you’ve been acting like I don’t exist.   KELSO: Well, I sure know you exist now that you’ve frenched the whole mall!   Fez “oohs;” Hyde cuts him off with a look.   KELSO (cont’d): Look, I know that I need to pay more attention to you, and I want to forgive you, but I have all this anger built up inside of me and nowhere to put it.   Jackie considers that for a moment, smiles.   JACKIE: Eric knew about the kiss all along and didn’t tell you.   Kelso turns and glowers at Eric.   KELSO: (to Eric) You knew?   ERIC: Jackie!   JACKIE: What’d you expect?   KELSO: (beat) You’re a dead man, Forman.   He charges. Eric makes it to the basement door and up the stairs, and Kelso follows in pursuit.   Jackie hops off the deep freeze. Hyde stands and crosses to her.   HYDE: Look, Jackie - I get where you’re coming from, feeling the brush-off and all, but you gotta find better ways to deal with it.   JACKIE: I know.   FEZ: Or maybe you just need a better fellow to kiss. Now, who could Hyde have in mind for that?   He and Donna each give Hyde a smug grin. A confused Jackie looks to him to explain their behavior, but Hyde shakes his head.   HYDE: If you’re having a problem with Kelso, then you’ve gotta go straight to Kelso.   JACKIE: What, you mean, talk to him? Steven, I just did that.   HYDE: (nods) That’s one option.   The basement door flies open. Eric comes tearing through the basement.   ERIC: I doubled back, but he’s still behind me!   He races up the stairs just as Kelso comes back in through the basement door. He starts after Eric, but Hyde sticks his foot out, and Kelso goes crashing into the dryer.   From the floor, Kelso lets out a low moan.   KELSO: That’s both my eyes!   Hyde grins, nods toward Kelso’s body on the ground.   HYDE: (to Jackie) That’s another.   Jackie tries and fails to choke down a laugh.   FADE TO BLACK

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #fan fiction #fan script #zen3to5

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-26: Everybody Loves Casey

Okay, back to the full scripts! Jackie and Kelso broke up early in this timeline, which means other events might be moving up too. And what does Hyde think of that?

(We assume, following production order, that 4-25, "That '70s Musical," is unchanged. I admit that's a bit of a stretch, given the "Love Hurts" number, but since Jackie and Kelso never explicitly state they're together outside of Fez's fantasies, and because that episode is pretty much a one-off within Season 4, I think we can get away with it.)

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SHOW TITLE   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   A sunny afternoon. ERIC is at the stovetop, scraping peanut butter out of the jar for a PB&J sandwich. HYDE enters from the living room and crosses to the fridge.   ERIC: Oh, Hyde, get this. Casey just came by to pick up Donna, and he was out in the street just revving his Trans Am real loud, and then he peels out in the street, and he started doing donuts. And then, out comes Donna, all smiling and, like, looking at him.   Hyde grabs some juice and crosses to Eric.   HYDE: What a slut!   ERIC: Look, if she wants to date him, that's fine. But he doesn't have to be all loud and jerky about it. Jerky, loud, donut jerk.   RED and KITTY enter through the patio door, grocery bags in hand. Kitty hurries to set hers down and cross to the boys.   KITTY: Oh, guess what, boys? I entered the big wiener contest at the Piggly Wiggly, and I won a year's supply of all-beef hot dogs! (laughs) I'm a wiener winner! (laughs again)   She gives the boys a chance to react; they aren’t impressed.   KITTY (cont’d): Well, anyway, we're having a barbecue.   RED: No, Kitty! I thought we were going to talk about that.   KITTY: Mm-hmm. (to Eric) Oh, and I saw Donna at the grocery store, and she said she's bringing her friend Casey.   ERIC: What? No. I hate Casey. He's Donna's new boyfriend. You have to uninvite him. (to Red) Dad, tell her.   RED: Kitty, you've done a horrible thing. It could scar the boy for life. Now, let's do the right thing and cancel that barbecue.   KITTY: No. We're having it, and it'll be fun. (to Eric) And... and we just... we won't give Casey any relish.   She and Red step out to fetch more groceries. Eric turns to Hyde.   HYDE: All right. Once Casey finds out he's not getting any relish, he'll dump Donna for sure. (laughs) You are so screwed.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   A gathering of the guys. Eric sits on the back of the couch, FEZ in the far seat of it, and KELSO in the lawn chair. Hyde ambles in from his room, records in hand. He sets them down by the record player and starts going through them. “Good Times Roll” by The Cars plays on the radio.   FEZ: (to Eric) So your mom invited Casey over for hot dogs? Well, that's a plump, juicy, all-beef burn.   KELSO: Ah, it's just typical women stuff. Like Jackie kissing that guy.   Hyde lunges, frogs Kelso in the arm.   KELSO (cont’d): Ow! Hyde!   HYDE: Yeah. Okay? I've decided if anyone brings up any more stupid girl stuff, I'm gonna throw something at 'em. This time, I threw a fist.   He goes to his chair and sits.   KELSO: I'm sorry. It's just - everything reminds me. And I dumped her over a week ago, and she hasn’t once called to say “hi” or offer me sad-but-hot break-up sex!   HYDE: You two broke up?   KELSO: Yeah, and it’s the worst one yet.   FEZ: All because of the cheese guy?   KELSO: Hey, I changed, and became responsible, and stopped my cheating. Then she goes and makes out behind my back, and keeps calling me names and putting me down?   He pouts, folds his arms, taps his foot.   KELSO (cont’d): You know what? If she’s not gonna call me, then I’m gonna go over there and yell at her some more.   He stands and exits out the basement door.   ERIC: You guys, I've been thinking about Donna. And I –   Hyde grabs a magazine from the coffee table, tosses it at Eric.   HYDE: This time I threw a magazine.   ERIC: No, guys, seriously. This barbecue might work out in my favor. You see, Donna's only seen Casey around his smelly, tattooed Molly Hatchet-loving friends. But when he comes to the barbecue, he'll be around us. Good, clean, Lynyrd Skynyrd-lovin' Americans. And the comparison will not be kind to him.   HYDE: And then Donna will come running home to you.   ERIC: No. (beat) Well, maybe. You think?   HYDE: So, instead of pounding Casey like you should, you came up with this zany scheme? Forman, you've officially turned into Daffy Duck. (doing Daffy) You're “dethpicable!”   He makes a show of shaking his head.   FEZ: You know, I have lady problems too.   Hyde grabs a Packers’ football and chucks it at Fez, who dodges it without even looking up.   FEZ (cont’d): Rhonda won't let me get past second base. I even said “please.” Magic word, my ass. Hyde throws another ball, and this time, it hits. Fez frowns at him and chucks it back, and they get into a throwing war.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene from Kelso’s exit. He storms around the house and into the driveway. From the other direction comes JACKIE. They meet, lock eyes.   JACKIE: Hey.   KELSO: Hey.   JACKIE/KELSO: I just came by -/I miss you.   They step back.   JACKIE/KELSO: What?   JACKIE: Did you say you miss me?   KELSO: No.   JACKIE: Look, just say you miss me!   KELSO: Fine, I miss you!   Jackie takes his hands in hers.   JACKIE: Michael, I miss you too. And, look, I was thinking - since we broke up because I kissed another guy, what if I let you kiss another girl? I mean, we could be even, and we could get back together.   KELSO: Jackie, if you think that me kissing another girl is gonna bring us closer together, I'm totally willing to make that sacrifice.   JACKIE: Thank you, Michael.   KELSO: Yeah! (beat) I better go wash my face.   He pulls his hands free and heads down the street, and Jackie heads into the Forman’s kitchen.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   The weekend, and the barbecue, have arrived. A table loaded with hot dogs, condiments, and drinks is out on the driveway, and a healthy population of neighbors enjoy the party.   Hyde and Fez, on the porch, lean against the house. Eric comes around the house, crosses to them.   ERIC: Okay, Fez, when Casey gets here, ask him for advice about your second-base problem. My advice is gonna be way better than his, and Donna will see that he's a greasy dolt.   HYDE: Hey, Forman, I have an idea. Set up a wacky system of ropes and pulleys, and when Casey gets here, drop an anvil on his head.   It gets a laugh from Fez, at least.   FEZ: (to Eric) Because that's what Daffy does.   ERIC: Yeah, I got that. DONNA and CASEY walk up the driveway, arms around each other’s shoulders. DONNA: Hey, guys.   ERIC: Hey.   CASEY: (to Eric) Hey, Foreplay. Getting a little shaggy up there, buddy.   He ruffles Eric’s hair.   ERIC: Okay. Well, that's enough of that!   He throws Casey’s hand away.   ERIC (cont’d): Okay. So, uh... hey, you guys are just in time. Fez was telling me about, uh... (to Fez) Some kind of problem you're having with Rhonda?   FEZ: Yeah. Rhonda won't let me get past second base, and I really want to explore further.   ERIC: Gosh. Well, I don't know. I think if you're patient and you're respectful, when Rhonda's ready, she'll, uh... she'll wave you over.   FEZ: Well, thank you, Eric. That is very gentlemanly advice.   ERIC: Gentlemanly? Well, uh, guilty as charged, I guess. (to Casey) Hey Casey, what do you think?   CASEY: Well, sometimes a seasoned lady like Rhonda, she's gotten used to the usual order of things. So, I think the next time you're fooling around, just skip second and go right to third.   ERIC: What?   FEZ: It's genius! (to Eric) No wonder you never get any.   DONNA: (to Fez) Yeah, with Rhonda, you know, that just might work.   ERIC: (to Donna) Wait, you like that?   DONNA: Well, the words are wrong, but they sound so good coming out of his mouth.   CASEY: (shrugs) I got a way about me. He pats Eric on the shoulder, and he and Donna head into the party.   Hyde comes up behind Eric. HYDE: (doing Daffy) That worked out “thuper.”   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN BACKYARD – DAY   More of the barbecue, not as crowded as out front. Several of the local ladies have gathered in this part of the house, and Kelso strolls up and down, checking them out. Behind him follows a scowling Jackie. Kelso keeps glancing behind him to see Jackie’s reactions; he’s enjoying this.   KELSO: Let's see... which chick do I want to kiss?   Jackie takes his arm, spins him around.   JACKIE: Oh, no, no, no, no, Michael. I get to pick the girl.   KELSO: But you'll pick an uggo.   JACKIE: (shrugs) You didn’t call “no uggos.”   KELSO: I just thought of something. Your plan’s good and all, but what if the girl that you pick doesn't wanna kiss me?   They both consider that for a moment, then break up laughing.   KELSO: “Doesn't wanna kiss me!”   They laugh some more.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – DAY   The party continues. Red works at the grill. He passes a hot dog onto Eric’s plate, and Eric takes it over to Donna, who is at the table with Casey.   ERIC: Hey, Donna, would you like a hot dog?   DONNA: Um, maybe half. Casey draws a bowie knife from his back pocket. He takes the plate from Eric and slices the hot dog in half. ERIC: Whoa, man, you carry a knife?   CASEY: Yeah. You never know when a lady's gonna need a half a hot dog. It's funny, man. You're the boy scout, but I'm the one who's prepared.   He and Donna head toward the basketball hoop. Fez crosses to Eric’s side.   FEZ: He's like a gladiator.   ERIC: Okay, that's it. I'm bringing out the big guns. Oh, yeah. I'm introducing him to my folks.   He spies Kitty coming out from the kitchen. He takes her by the shoulders, steers her over to Casey and Donna.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hey, Mom, meet Casey. This is Donna's new boyfriend.   Casey gives her a nod. Kitty stares up at him, wide-eyed.   KITTY: Well, you're certainly not a girl. (laughs)   CASEY: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Forman. You know, you couldn't have picked a prettier day to win a year's supply of hot dogs.   KITTY: (laughs) Yeah, sure is a hot dog.   She falls into laughing again. Eric leads her away.   ERIC: Mom!   KITTY: Sorry, honey, it's just, he's just... I am sure you are much smarter.   Red crosses over to them.   RED: Kitty, the idiot neighbors drank all my beer.   ERIC: Uh-oh. You're in a bad mood. Hey, meet Casey.   CASEY: (shakes Red’s hand) Pleasure, sir. Hey, maybe I can help. I always keep a spare case of beer in the Trans Am. Little tip I picked up in the army.   He walks off down the driveway. Beaming, Donna crosses over to the porch to talk to Hyde.   Red and Kitty turn to Eric. Red seems impressed, Kitty smitten.   RED: I don't know. Seems like a pretty good kid.   KITTY: Uh-huh. On the porch, Hyde is back to leaning against the house as Donna stands across from him. HYDE: So, you and Casey, huh?   DONNA: Look, Hyde, whatever you heard about Casey, he's changed now. He's... he's mature.   HYDE: Oh, yeah. He's real mature.   DONNA: Well, I like him! We're together, and if you can't deal with that, then you can just go to hell!   She turns, runs after Casey.   HYDE: Hey, that's not barbecue language, young lady!   Donna meets Casey as he comes back up the driveway with a case of beer. A grape soda is balanced on top. Casey hands the case to Red.   CASEY: Here's that beer, sir. I got a soda for the minor.   He hands Eric the soda can.   CASEY (cont’d): (to Eric) Now, you make sure to drink that real slow, 'cause I don't want you to get a tummy ache, little guy.   He pats Eric on the stomach.   KITTY: Well, that's thoughtful.   RED: Yeah, he cramps up easy.   Eric, at a loss for words, shifts on his feet and cracks open the soda.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN BACKYARD - DAY   Most of the gang has moved back here. Eric and Kelso lean against the door into the garage. Kelso’s eye scans the crowd, lingering on all the women; Eric looks down at the ground with his arms crossed. Further into the yard, Hyde and Jackie sit and talk on lawn chairs.   ERIC: Casey and Donna, man. (to Kelso) Hey, remember when we were 12? We didn't even like girls yet.   KELSO: (still scanning) I liked girls when I was 12.   ERIC: Well, at least I gave it my best shot, right? If Donna loves Casey and not me, then... I mean, I guess it's over.   Kelso stops scanning, turns to Eric and puts a hand on his shoulder.   KELSO: Forman, you can't give up. Look, who knows what’s gonna happen with me and Jackie, but what you and Donna had? That was, like, real. And I'm telling you, as his brother, Casey is bad news. He's either gonna get bored and split, or something worse is gonna happen. So, you gotta do something.   ERIC: (beat) Hey, since when did you get all serious?   KELSO: Well, I’ve been broken up with Jackie, and she cut me off for a while before that, so I think the lack of lovin’ is making more blood flow to my brain.   In the lawn chairs, Hyde massages his temple; Jackie’s just explained her plan.   HYDE: So, you’re letting Kelso kiss some other girl so you can get back together with him?   JACKIE: Yeah. That way, we’ll be even.   HYDE: Jackie, by that logic, “being even” means that you sleep with, like, four guys. This is nuts.   JACKIE: Steven, I don’t care if you don’t think it makes sense! If this is the only way for Michael and me to get back together, then that’s what I’m going to do!   She stands and storms off. Hyde stands too, looks around at the guests.   HYDE: This is a hot dog party, people! Not a yell-at-guys-with-good-advice party!   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   The next day. Fez and Hyde sit at the kitchen table, bowls of soup in front of them. Red sits on a stool at the island. Kitty comes over from the stovetop with one last bowl and a tray of sandwiches. KITTY: Okay, everyone. Here's lunch: hot dog soup!   HYDE: (groans) No more hot dogs! I'll just eat the grilled cheese.   He picks up a sandwich.   KITTY: You mean, grilled cheese with hot dogs!   Hyde throws the sandwich back down.   RED: Kitty, for God sakes, I ate 14 hot dogs yesterday!   KITTY: Well, what do you want me to do, Red? They're everywhere. They're a curse on this house!   RED: Oh, fine. Let's make some calls. Maybe we can unload the damn things on a nursery school.   He stands and leads Kitty out into the living room.   Eric enters from the basement, sits down at the table. ERIC: You guys, I’ve let this thing with Casey go way too far.   HYDE: Yeah, no kidding. Donna's pretty far gone. She's starting to lash out at people at barbecues. You gotta kick his ass, man.   FEZ: Hyde, Eric cannot beat Casey with his fists. He's a special boy who must beat him with his special strengths. Now, let's think. What is Eric's special strengths?   He puts his hands together in thought. Slow pan in, and we cut to:   INT. GAME SHOW SET   FANTASY SEQUENCE. A true ‘70s game show set – tacky as hell. Boxes are everywhere. Fez, in an equally tacky suit, spins around and flashes a grin for the camera. Two boxes flank him on either side. FEZ: Welcome back to TV's favorite game show - Get Into That Box!   The title flashes across the screen as he says the name.   FEZ (cont’d): Now, let's meet our returning champion, Eric Forman!   Eric’s head pops out from the box on Fez’s left.   ERIC: Thanks. Good to be back, Fez.   FEZ: Let's meet our challenger, Casey Kelso!   Casey walks onto set, to the applause of the off-screen audience.   FEZ (cont’d): Casey Kelso, it's time to...   He points out to the audience.   AUDIENCE (v.o.): Get into that box! Casey steps inside the box on Fez’s right. He tries to sit in it, but it bursts open at the side and Casey spills out onto the floor. CASEY: (to Fez, indicates Eric) How does he do it?   Donna, in a tacky dress, comes running from off-stage to hug Eric – or, rather, his box.   DONNA: He's so tiny!   She caresses his box as Eric shakes his hands in celebration.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – DAY   Back to reality. Fez nods contentedly at his fantasy.   FEZ: I would watch that show.   ERIC: (beat) Okay. That was great. Guys, I'm going over to Casey's. And I don't know what I'm gonna do. But if things get physical, I'm just gonna have to drop the hammer.   HYDE: And if all else fails, kick him in the stones and run like hell.   ERIC: Yeah, that's what I meant by “drop the hammer.”   And out he goes through the patio door. BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT RHONDA’S POV. She makes out with Fez on the basement couch. Fez pulls back and smiles. FEZ: Rhonda, your lively tongue has made me thirsty.   He lifts up a soda can, takes a sip through a straw, and offers it to Rhonda.   FEZ (cont’d): Would you like to wet your whistle?   Rhonda (the camera) nods. Fez passes the soda can. A long, loud slurping sound unnerves him; Rhonda’s drained the whole can.   FEZ (cont’d): Wow, thirsty lady. Well, we're off to a nice start. Shall we move on to second base? He reaches his hand out, places it where Rhonda’s breasts would be. His smile grows at first, but quickly falls when Rhonda’s big hand closes around his wrist and pulls his hand away. Her other hand shoots out and takes Fez by the throat. FEZ: Ai, no!   CUT TO:   INT. HUB – NIGHT   A decent nighttime crowd. “I Just Want to be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb plays on the jukebox. Jackie and Kelso stand near the counter, Kelso nursing a soda. He scans the crowd for women, and one walks by. KELSO: How about I kiss her?   JACKIE: No way. She's too tall, too tanned, too rich.   KELSO: Damn, Jackie, I don't wanna kiss a short, pale, poor girl.   JACKIE: Okay, look, Michael, all I know is that I don't want to stay broken up. Okay, you know what? You choose. Kiss any girl you want.   Kelso makes a brief show of looking around, then bends down and snakes a kiss from Jackie.   KELSO: I choose you.   JACKIE: Michael, that is the most romantic thing I've ever read, heard about, or seen on TV.   KELSO: Yeah, it was pretty romantic. I could tell while I was doing it.   Jackie sighs and sits down at the nearest free table. Kelso joins her.   KELSO: What?   JACKIE: No, it's just... look, one week you break up with me, and the next week you're Prince Charming?   KELSO: (shrugs) I'm an incredibly complex man, Jackie.   JACKIE: Michael, I can't do this anymore! Look, Michael, if you wanna choose me, then choose me. I mean, really choose me.   KELSO: Jackie, you gave me a free pass to kiss any girl I wanted, and I kissed you. And that was a big choice, ‘cause there’s a lot of hotties here.   He waves his hand to indicate the other patrons.   KELSO (cont’d): But there’s only one girl I wanna be with forever. And that’s you.   JACKIE: (beat) You want to be with me forever? You want to be together forever?   He nods. She takes his hand in hers.   JACKIE (cont’d): Okay, then, Michael, let’s commit to that right now. Let’s get married.   Very slowly, Kelso leans back. His jaw hangs slightly open, and he can’t stop blinking.   KELSO: (beat) Hold on. You wanna get married?   JACKIE: Yes, Michael, yes, I accept!   She jumps to her feet and kisses him on both cheeks.   JACKIE (cont’d): Oh, my God! You know what? I gotta go tell my dad. And you - you have to buy a ring! Just think about it! We are gonna be the “Burkhart-Kelsos.”   She runs out the door, squealing in delight.   KELSO: (in shock) The Who-hearts What-os?   He looks up to the window; Jackie is no longer in sight. He leaps to his feet, races out of the Hub, and takes off down the street in the opposite direction she took.   CUT TO:   EXT. KELSO HOUSE – NIGHT   Casey sits alone on the porch, reading an auto magazine. Eric walks up to him. ERIC: Casey, we need to talk.   CASEY: Well, I'm a little swamped right now, Foreplay.   ERIC: I think Donna thinks you love her, and if you don't, you shouldn't act like you do.   CASEY: What are you? The love police? Hands up! Love police is here.   ERIC: Hey, all I'm saying is that if you don't love her, just don't be with her, okay? Because she's a really special person, and someone out there could really love her.   CASEY: Someone out there or someone right here?   Eric doesn’t have a ready retort to that. He’s spared thinking of one by Donna stepping out from the house.   DONNA: Oh. Hey, Eric. What are you doing here?   CASEY: He was just leaving.   DONNA: Oh. Well, I gotta go, too.   CASEY: Hey, Pinciotti.   He stands and gives Donna a lingering kiss on the cheek.   CASEY (cont’d): Love ya.   DONNA: Oh, well, I...   She turns away from him to Eric, who looks down at his shoes.   DONNA (cont’d): (to Casey) Thank you. Okay, well, I'll... I'll see you later.   She walks off. Casey crosses to Eric.   CASEY: You see, Forman, it's just words. You don't have to mean it.   ERIC: If you make her cry, I'm coming right back here to kick your ass.   He walks off too, the opposite way from Donna.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   THE CIRCLE. “Barracuda” by Heart plays on the radio. For once, the weed hasn’t made Kelso laughy. He looks downright paranoid. KELSO: You guys, I found something worse than Jackie kissing another guy: she wants to get married! TO ME!   He looks frantically around the room, the stairs and the door especially.   Pan to Eric.   ERIC: Well, if kicking Casey's butt is the same as babbling at him from a safe distance, then boy, did I do it! But seriously, you guys, the days of Daffy are over. It's time for action. I'm goin' Road Runner on his ass. Meep, meep! POW!   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Good. Because thanks to his stupid advice, Rhonda dumped me. I tried to steal third, but she blocked me. And choked me. Now there’s no more baseball for Fez. It's back to handball.   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Girls, man. They'll make you miserable. Well, I got a date. (doing Daffy) Tho long, thuckerth!   He stands and makes for the door.   END.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

J/H 3-25: The Promise Ring

And here we are - the end of Season 3! Subtext from last time comes out as text, and the path into Season 4 is laid. How's it look? Read on!

(I had originally planned on re-writing the "B" story of "Canadian Road Trip," but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had no real ideas that would tie into a Jackie/Hyde project like this. All I had was a dislike of Jackie's line about never having to think again if she were a model. I still hate that line, but as I said at the off-set, I wasn't looking to "correct" anything about the series just because I don't like it. To the extent you can talk about "filler" in a sitcom, "Canadian Road Trip" is filler anyway, a fun one-off episode that could play at almost any point in the series, with the characters at their most basic.)

FF.Net AO3

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SHOW TITLE   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   A chill night in the usual hangout. ERIC sits on the couch, counting dollar bills. KELSO paces behind him, whacking a paddleball continuously and loudly.   HYDE enters through the basement door and nods at Eric.   HYDE: Hey.   He starts to cross to his chair but is blocked by Kelso, who keeps paddling as if he hadn’t noticed Hyde’s entrance. Hyde’s head bobs slightly as he watches each whack of the paddle, the noise becoming more and more pronounced. Finally, Hyde rips the paddle from Kelso’s hands, pulls the ball free, tosses it back toward his room, and whacks Kelso in the arm with the paddle before shoving it into his hands.   Eric looks up from his money and smiles at Hyde.   ERIC: Rough day down at the precinct there, champ?   A scowling Kelso wags the paddle at Hyde.   KELSO: (slow, deliberate) It’s not the paddleball’s fault you’re on probation, Hyde.   He stomps back toward Hyde’s room to look for the ball. Eric resumes counting money and Hyde makes his way to his chair.   HYDE: (to Eric) What are you up to?   ERIC: Just counting my secret stash. I’m getting something special for Donna. ‘Cause, you know, she and I have been fighting a lot lately...   Kelso, with the ball in one hand and the paddle in the other, jumps over the back of the couch and sits at the other end.   KELSO: I wish Jackie and me were fighting. I’m used to that. But ever since the Ted Nugent concert she won’t even talk to me.   Hyde stirs with interest. Eric takes note.   ERIC: (flat, to Kelso) Oh, no. How awful.   He gives Kelso a look of mock-sympathy. If Kelso gets the sarcasm, he ignores it.   KELSO: Man, I thought for sure we were gonna get back together there. I mean, that second first date kicked ass. But she got all upset right at the end and wouldn’t even tell me why. I don’t get it.   He shakes his head, turns his attention to the broken paddleball. He looks back and forth from the paddle to the ball, trying to puzzle out how to reconnect them.   Eric and Hyde regard him coolly, then turn to each other when they realize he’s not going to figure it out.   ERIC: (to Hyde) I’m gonna get Donna a promise ring.   HYDE: Careful, Forman. You get mushy with Donna, she’s gonna see the secret girl inside the man. Now trust me. You won’t wanna let Erica out.   KELSO: (laughs) “Erica.” That’s a good burn. You can’t do that with Michael, I’m lucky.   HYDE: Oh, really, Michelle?   Kelso pouts, turns to Eric.   KELSO: Don’t listen to him, Eric. Hyde obviously doesn’t understand mature relationships, but I do. And a promise ring is not only a gift from the heart, but it also means more sex and less mouthing off.   Eric gives him a long look.   ERIC: Really, no idea why Jackie wouldn’t want to get back together?   KELSO: None!   He throws his hands up in the air as Eric and Hyde share a look.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   The next day. THE CIRCLE. Eric, riding a good high, holds up the PROMISE RING he’s purchased.   ERIC: Ah, the ring of love. Just holding it makes me feel mellow and content. (beat) Actually, that might not be the ring.   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: Guys, what if the reason Jackie didn’t wanna get back together is because she doesn’t wanna be with a guy like me? I mean, sure, I’m good-looking – but I can’t be trusted!   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Come on, Kelso. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I mean, sure, you cheated on Jackie, lied to her all the time, and kept talking about breaking up with her behind her back – but it’s always great for us watching all that come back to bite you in the ass.   Pan to FEZ.   FEZ: Why is everyone but Fez in love? If I don’t get some romance soon, I’m going to give myself a blister. Well... another blister.   Pan to Eric.   ERIC: (to Kelso) Yeah, Kelso. You and Jackie are like the perfect couple. You do the bad stuff and she tries to catch you. She’s Smokey to your bandit. (beat) God, it’s like that movie applies to everything!   Pan to Kelso.   KELSO: Man, why is everyone always against my love? Especially you, Hyde. When it comes to Jackie, you’re always bringing up the bad times, trying to get me caught doing bad stuff, or cutting in on all my master plans. You’re like one of those bitchy cheerleaders on Jackie’s squad. Hyde... alisha... (to Eric) Quick, what’s a girlie name for Hyde?   Pan to Eric.   ERIC: Uh... Hyde-ringa?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Hyde-ephanie?   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: It’s Heidi, ya morons! Heidi!   He shakes his head in disgust.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT   A calm, peaceful night. The Vista Cruiser is parked in the driveway. Eric and DONNA lie on the hood, looking up at the stars.   ERIC: That was fun, huh? It was a good movie. It was one of those love movies like you like, huh? And who took ya? (points to himself) This guy.   DONNA: Yeah, it was great.   ERIC: You know what else this guy did for you?   He pulls out a ring box with a red ribbon and a card attached.   ERIC (cont’d): Got you a present.   They both sit up. Donna takes the ring box and reads the card.   DONNA: “To Donna. Love, This Guy.”   ERIC: Yeah, that’s me.   Donna gives him a smile and opens up the box. She takes the ring out, holds it up.   DONNA: Oh, my God.   ERIC: It’s a promise ring.   DONNA: Eric, it’s... it’s beautiful.   ERIC: I’m so glad you like it. ‘Cause... look.   He takes her hand, the one holding the ring.   ERIC (cont’d): Even though things have been a little weird lately...   With perfectly bad timing, RED and KITTY step out from the kitchen and see the kids.   KITTY: Oh! Look how cute on the car! (laughs)   Eric and Red look mortified, but Donna smiles and hops down. She holds out the ring for Kitty to see.   DONNA: Here. Look at what Eric got me.   Kitty takes the ring.   KITTY: Oh, my... (to Red) Red, go get the camera.   RED: Kitty...   ERIC: Mom, I -   KITTY: (to Red) Go! It’s – it’s in the drawer near the cheese grater.   Red heads back inside.   ERIC: Mom, no.   KITTY: Hush. (to Donna) Donna, now, make the face you made when Eric gave you the ring.   She hands the ring back. Donna rolls her eyes.   KITTY (cont’d): Oh, now, see – I don’t think you rolled your eyes! (laughs)   Red appears in the patio doorway, but doesn’t come back outside.   RED: Kitty, I cut myself on the cheese grater.   Kitty tuns to look at him. Eric and Donna, seizing their chance, take off down the sidewalk. Kitty turns back around, too late.   KITTY: Oh, now you get back here and smile, dammit!   They do no such thing. Defeated, Kitty heads back inside to tend to Red.   BUMPER   INT. HUB – DAY   A sunny afternoon, modest business. Donna and JACKIE are at the wall table, Donna in the booth seat and Jackie across from her. Donna has the promise ring on her left index finger. She holds her hand up so Jackie can see the ring.   DONNA: Can you believe it? Isn’t it pretty?   JACKIE: Oh, it’s beautiful... and Eric found a ring size big enough for your giant hands.   Donna gives a quick eye roll, then turns back to admiring her ring.   JACKIE (cont’d): Donna, why aren’t you wearing it on your left ring finger?   DONNA: (shrugs) I dunno. ‘Cause I like it on this finger. What’s the difference?   JACKIE: Donna, a promise ring is sacred. If you don’t wear your promise ring on your left ring finger, it totally cancels out the promise that you’ll be together forever.   DONNA: Wait, that’s what I promised?   Her right hand closes around the left, hiding the ring from sight.   Hyde enters and crosses to the girls’ table.   HYDE: (to Donna) Hey.   Jackie looks up at him and glowers.   JACKIE: Oh, hello, jerk.   HYDE: Good afternoon, wench.   The insult cuts. Jackie stands and elbows Hyde as she runs into the bathroom.   HYDE (cont’d): (to Donna) Hear that? The sweet sound of silence.   He grins and sits. Now Donna glares at him.   DONNA: Shut up. Jackie told me what you said to her after the Ted Nugent concert. You know, that’s why she and Kelso aren’t back together yet.   HYDE: Oh, yeah? Hey, you think that would get me off probation early? You know, for the vital public service of keeping morons split apart.   DONNA: Hyde, the “distant jerk” act’s not gonna work on me, okay? We’ve been friends for too long. I know what’s going on: you like Jackie... for some twisted reason... but you’re too in denial to own up, so now you’re mad at her for wanting to get back with Kelso and you’re worried he’ll hurt her again.   Hyde pulls a stunned face.   HYDE: Oh, my God, you’re right! And that dream I had last night, where I was Sonny Corleone and kicked ass at the toll booth, that was really my unconscious mind telling me how I want to kill my father! Thanks, Sigmund!   He blows a raspberry. Donna wipes the spittle off her face.   DONNA: Look, I think it’s a bad idea too, but believe it or not, Jackie has thought this through. It was weird, sophomore, cheerleader thinking... but she has been more careful this time. And Kelso actually has worked really hard to show her that he’s changed.   HYDE: But he hasn’t, because people don’t change.   DONNA: Come on. That’s not true.   HYDE:  It’s true where I come from.   Donna leans back and regards Hyde. She sees where he’s coming from now.   DONNA:  Yeah, well, Kelso is not your parents.   Hyde jerks in his chair, but Donna doesn’t stop.   DONNA (cont’d): He’s your friend, and so’s Jackie. She really looks up to you, and this time, you’re the one who hurt her. And you could’ve taken a shot yourself if you weren’t so proud. If you’re not going to do that, you could at least respect that Jackie made a choice and thought it through, even if you think it’s wrong.   Hyde gives Donna a long look, his shades a mask to what he’s feeling.   Jackie comes in from the bathroom. Hyde gets up and leaves before she finishes sitting down. Jackie looks away from the door.   Donna looks back down at her ring. Jackie takes notice.   JACKIE: You know, Donna – I really need to introduce you to my good friend, nail polish.   She holds up her perfectly manicured nails. Donna frowns at her, then turns back to her ring.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - EVENING   Later that day. The Vista Cruiser is out in the driveway. Hyde and Eric play basketball while Kelso and Fez lean against the car.   KELSO: (to Fez) Man, I just – maybe I should go to Jackie, you know? Lay it all on the line. But what if... what if that’s it? I don’t think I can take that again.   FEZ: I understand. You are a sensitive man, Kelso. Tender. Delicate.   HYDE: Girlish, even.   Donna and Jackie come up the driveway. Eric, who has the ball, tosses it to Hyde and crosses to Donna.   ERIC: Oh, there you are. The movie’s about to start.   He takes Donna’s left hand and starts to lead her around the car when he notices: the ring isn’t there anymore.   ERIC (cont’d): Where’s your ring?   DONNA: Oh, I put it on a chain so I could wear it around my neck.   She lifts the ring and chain up to show him, crosses to the patio. The others start to make their way around the car.   KELSO: BURN! Oh, super burn! The wedding’s off!   ERIC & DONNA: Kelso, shut up.   Eric crosses to Donna. The others all follow, right behind him.   ERIC: Donna, why aren’t you wearing the ring on your hand?   DONNA: I don’t know. I didn’t really think it was a big deal.   JACKIE: That is not true! (to Donna) I told you – (to the others) I told her it was a big deal!   DONNA: Look, Eric, why don’t we talk about this later?   ERIC: Well, there’s not really anything to talk about. Unless – you don’t want to wear the ring.   KELSO: OUCH!   Everyone gives him the same dirty look.   KELSO (cont’d): Sorry – I’m sorry.   He gestures for Eric to continue.   Eric looks back to Donna. She looks back at him, then laughs and shakes her head.   DONNA: It’s great. The ring is great.   She unhooks the chain and slides the ring onto her left ring finger. For good measure, she holds up her hand.   DONNA (cont’d): See? It’s great.   ERIC: So... we’re good?   DONNA: Yeah, fine.   ERIC: Okay, good!   They head to the passenger side of the Vista Cruiser. Eric opens the door for Donna. Just as she’s about to step inside, Kitty rushes out from the kitchen, camera in hand, and snaps a picture of them. Eric flashes a sheepish smile; Donna wears a long face.   Kitty looks up from the viewfinder.   KITTY: It’s my God-given right as a mother!   She disappears back into the house. Donna gets inside the car.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   The next day. Red, Kitty, BOB, and MIDGE sit at the kitchen table. Red has a PHOTOGRAPH in his hand; it’s the picture Kitty took the night before. The parents study it carefully.   KITTY: (beat) Well, now – now that is just so... oh, dear.   MIDGE: When they got home, I asked Donna how it went, and she said “fine.” (shakes her head) But she didn’t seem fine.   KITTY: And Eric has never been good at knowing when “fine” isn’t fine. It runs in the family.   RED: (to Kitty) No, it does not!   KITTY: (cold) Fine.   RED: Okay! Good.   He smiles, oblivious.   Bob takes the photo.   BOB: I dunno. She doesn’t look that unhappy. (to Midge) She kind of looks like you.   MIDGE: I’m unhappy, Bob.   They all look amongst themselves. Kitty breaks the silence with a nervous laugh.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene. Donna is in bed for an afternoon nap. The promise ring is in her right hand. A slow zoom in as we cut to:   INT. GAME SHOW STAGE   DREAM SEQUENCE. Donna is on LET’S MAKE A DEAL, complete with stupid carrot costume. She bobs on her feet as MONTY HALL comes up to her, microphone in hand.   ANNOUNCER (v.o.): Welcome to “Let’s Make a Deal!”   MONTY: All right, Donna, which is it going to be? Your future behind Door Number 1, Door Number 2, or Door Number 3?   DONNA:  Oh, my God, I don’t know!   She jumps and claps.   DONNA (cont’d): Okay – Door Number 3!   MONTY: Door Number 3? All right, let’s take a look at what you didn’t choose behind Door Number 1.   Door Number 1 opens. There is a writing desk with a typewriter and a coatrack with a leather jacket hanging on it.   MONTY (cont’d): It’s a leather jacket and a typewriter, which you could have used when you became a globe-trotting rock n’ roll journalist!   Donna’s shoulders slump.   DONNA: Wow... that would’ve been nice.   MONTY: Yeah, too bad. All right, let’s take a look at what was behind Door Number 2.   Door Number 2 opens. The U.S. Constitution, framed, is displayed between the Wisconsin and American flags.   MONTY (cont’d): The U.S. Constitution, which would come in handy when you became the first woman president!   DONNA: Oh, Monty, these prizes are bitchin’!   MONTY: Yeah, truly bitchin’. Now, let’s take a look at what you did choose behind Door Number 3.   Door Number 3 opens. Eric is sitting on a donkey, beaming and waving, as terrible country music plays.   MONTY (cont’d): It’s your boyfriend and a promise ring!   ERIC: I love you!   He blows Donna a kiss. The “zonk” sound plays. Donna’s face falls as we cut to:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – DAY   Donna wakes from her dream. She curls her right hand in toward her and looks at the promise ring.   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   Concurrent with the previous two scenes. Kelso is in Hyde’s chair, his leg restless, while Fez reads a comic on the couch.   KELSO: This is it, man. If Jackie won’t take me back, I’m done with chicks for good. I’ll be like a monk. Or an ugly person.   Hyde comes down the stairs, a beer can in hand. He’s almost on a march.   KELSO (cont’d): (to Hyde) Hey, how’d you sneak the beer? Is Red still looking at that -   Hyde tosses the can aside. He grabs Kelso by the collar, hauls him out of the chair, and throws him back against the water heater.   HYDE: Are you now, or will you ever again be shacking up with Forman’s skanky sister?   He isn’t completely drunk, but the beer’s loosened his tongue and temper. Kelso, cornered, tries his best to shrink down.   KELSO: Why, did she say something about me? (Hyde frogs him in the arm) OW!   HYDE: I’ll ask the questions here, dirtbag! Now – yes or no?   KELSO: No!   HYDE: Do you now, or will you ever again sneak out back behind the gym to make it with Pam Macy?   KELSO: It was also in the gym. And her car. (Hyde frogs him in the arm) OW! No!   HYDE: Are you now, or will you ever again look to get any action on the side with whores, trash, or sluts from Sacred Heart?   KELSO: NO! And – dude, Hyde, you need to get off probation, ‘cause all that time around cops is having a bad influence on you!   FEZ: I disagree. Once he outgrows his rebellious phase, I think Hyde would make an excellent cop. He projects an air of masculine authority.   Kelso and Hyde give Fez a look, then turn back to each other.   HYDE: I’m not kidding around here, Kelso! Now, I’ve had a shot! I’ve had a good shot! And I’ve been holding that shot! And if I keep holding it, so you can have your shot, because that’s the shot she wants to take, then I need to know damn well that you’re not gonna blow your shot!   KELSO: (beat) Wait, I’m confused. Are we going hunting? (Hyde frogs him) OW! Why the violence?   FEZ: (to Kelso) He means Jackie, fool!   KELSO: All right, fine! Look, Hyde – I don’t know what’s going on with you and Jackie – if you like her, or if her dad hired you to be, like, her secret bodyguard – and, if he did, he’s getting his money’s worth, because – damn!   He massages the spot on his arm where Hyde’s been hitting him.   FEZ: (to Hyde) See, another career opportunity for you. What a productive afternoon.   KELSO: (to Hyde) Look, I don’t need you or anyone telling me I screwed up before with Jackie. I know, okay? I know every time I see her. And I can’t do anything to take it back. And when I try to change, and be a better guy, nobody believes me. But I think I have changed. And I think Jackie does too, which means more to me than anything. So, if I have a shot, I’m gonna fight for it.   He stands up a little taller. Hyde regards him, his hands clenched in fists. His shades mask his thoughts.   Hyde grabs Kelso by the collar again and drags him behind as he marches to the basement door.   KELSO: No, wait – I didn’t mean that kind of fight! (to Fez) Fez, come on, man! I NEED A WITNESS!   Hyde throws the door open, and they exit. Fez runs after them.   CUT TO:   INT. THE HUB – DAY   A short time later. Business is slow at the Hub. Jackie sits alone at a small round table near the center of the Hub. An empty food basket is on the table. Jackie gathers her purse and stands to leave.   Hyde enters just as Jackie reaches the door. They each take a step back from the other.   HYDE: (beat) Hey.   He gives her a chance to reply; she just regards him coolly.   HYDE (cont’d): Um... I’m just dropping off...   He glances behind him; no one’s there. Scowling, he throws open the door to the Hub and sticks his head outside.   HYDE (cont’d): (shouting) Will you get in here, you big baby!   Kelso skitters to the door, Fez right behind him. They stay as far back from Hyde as they can while still making their way inside.   KELSO: (to Hyde) You are a scary, scary man, Hyde!   Hyde cuts him off with a look. He jerks his head in Jackie’s direction and motions for Kelso to go to her. Jackie looks back and forth between them.   JACKIE: Michael, what’s going on?   With one last nervous look to Hyde, Kelso takes Jackie by the hand and leads her back to the middle of the Hub. Fez hangs back by Hyde.   KELSO: Okay, Jackie – look, I know our second first date didn’t end so great. And I know we’ve got some bad history, and I’ll understand if you don’t want to go back to that. But I just – there’s something I need to tell you: from the first minute that I saw you, I knew that I wanted to fool around with you.   Jackie’s face scrunches up. She looks over at Hyde, who shakes his head and shrugs.   KELSO (cont’d): And then, after we did that, and I still wanted to talk to you, I knew that I never wanted to be without you. And I feel like we’ve got another chance to make that happen now, and I want to take it, but it’s up to you. So... will you please take me back?   Jackie studies Kelso’s face. She looks back to Hyde, who gives another, smaller shrug. “Love is the Answer” by Utopia comes on the jukebox.   JACKIE: (beat) Yeah. Yeah, Michael, I will.   She smiles, and Kelso smiles back. They both open their arms wide and embrace, Kelso lifting Jackie off her feet.   Over Kelso’s shoulder, Jackie looks up at Hyde. He gives her the smallest of smiles. Eyes watering, she smiles back before pulling her head back to kiss Kelso.   Hyde looks away, and he sees Fez struggling to hold in tears.   HYDE: Oh, God, what are you crying about?   FEZ: (sniffs) You know what, you magnificent, selfless bastard!   He throws his arms around Hyde. Hyde tries to fight his way free from the hug, but Fez just keeps holding on as Jackie and Kelso continue to kiss.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Much later in the day. Hyde sits in his chair, sunglasses off. He has a pack of cards in hand; one by one, he tosses them on the coffee table.   Eric comes down the stairs, crosses to the lawn chair. He looks over at Hyde and grins.   ERIC: Hey. So, I hear Jackie and Kelso got back together. And I hear they didn’t do it alone, nuh-uh. I hear they had help from a curly-haired cupid. An angry, violent, curly-haired cupid who may have just broken his own heart and Kelso’s humerus.   He laughs silently. Hyde doesn’t look up, just keeps tossing cards.   ERIC (cont’d): Man... could you just tell me what you were thinking when you -   HYDE: Where’s Donna?   ERIC: (beat) She said she had to study.   HYDE: Huh. So, everything’s cool?   ERIC: (beat) Okay, look. I don’t know what everyone thinks is going on, but Donna and I are not only fine, we’re great. Everything’s finally settled, so... (beat) We’re happier than ever.   HYDE: Well, one of you is.   ERIC: What is that supposed to mean?   Hyde lets out a long sigh. He sets what’s left of the deck down on the table and looks straight at Eric.   HYDE: Look, Forman. I get what you’re trying to do. You know, you’re trying to lock her up. Seal the deal. And I’ll I’m saying is... maybe Donna’s not that kind of girl.   Eric’s face hardens. He stands and points at Hyde.   ERIC: Okay, you don’t know as much as you think, Hyde. So you need to just shut up.   He runs back up the stairs. Hyde glances after him, then leans back and puts his feet up on the coffee table.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT   Immediately following. Donna sits on the hood of the Vista Cruiser. She has her promise ring in her hands; she fiddles nervously with it.   Eric steps out from the kitchen, still seething. He brightens up when he sees Donna, crosses to sit on her right.   ERIC: Hey. What are you doing out here?   DONNA: Um... I wanted to talk to you.   She looks up at a still-smiling Eric.   DONNA (cont’d): Oh, this is gonna be hard. (beat) Um... Eric, I love you. A lot. But I have to give you your ring back.   ERIC: What? Why?   Donna looks up, as if searching for the words. She turns to face him head-on.   DONNA: Okay. How do you see the next twenty years?   ERIC: I don’t know. I guess I always figured that we’d go to college together and come home -   DONNA: Yeah, but Eric, you know that’s not what I want. I mean, I’ve told you that. And who knows? I may want to go to school back east, or maybe in Paris.   ERIC: Okay, well, you know what, Donna? Whatever, okay? The important thing is that when you see yourself in Paris, or... wherever, I’m there, right? (beat) Right?   DONNA: I don’t know... not always. I mean, it’s not like there’s anyone else, but sometimes I’m... by myself. I mean, all I’m saying is, I don’t know. Neither of us does. And this ring is just a stupid high school promise. If we’re meant to be together, then we’ll end up together.   ERIC: No, the way we end up together is by saying we’ll be together, and then – being together.   DONNA: Eric, come on! We’re together now! Isn’t that enough?   ERIC: No!   He gets off the car and begins to pace.   ERIC (cont’d): I mean, damn, Donna! If you can see a future for yourself without me, and that doesn’t, like, break your heart, then - we’re not doing what I thought we were doing here! And you know what? Maybe we shouldn’t be together at all.   DONNA: Wait a minute...   She stands too.   DONNA (cont’d): Are you breaking up with me?   ERIC: Well... are you giving back that ring?   Donna tries to choke down her tears; she can’t.   DONNA: Yes.   ERIC:  Then... yes.   Donna tries to say something, but the words won’t come. With one last look at Eric, she leaves the promise ring on the hood of the Vista Cruiser and runs down the street, crying.   Eric picks up the promise ring in his right hand (MUSIC NOTE: “Thirteen” by Big Star). Slowly, he climbs back onto the hood of the Vista Cruiser and lies back. Looking up at the night sky, he slams his right hand down in a fist. Tears come to his eyes as we slowly crane up.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Another night. Eric and Hyde sit on the couch. Hyde’s shades are back, but both boys look forlorn. The radio plays in the background.   DJ (aud. only): Well, it’s a beautiful night out tonight in the greater Oshkosh area, and I hope all the lovers out there are making the most of it. But for those poor fellas without a lucky lady, you don’t have to spend the night alone and inside. We have just the place for you to go to...   “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley begins to play.   ELVIS (aud. only): Well, since my baby left me Well, I found a new place to dwell Well, its down at the end of the lonely street At Heartbreak Hotel Where I’ll be – where I get so lonely, baby I get so lonely I get so lonely, I could die...   HYDE: You know, I’m really starting to hate this station.   Eric rolls his eyes and throws his head back.   END.

---

Okay, so - before you get mad...XD

1. This re-write runs through the beginning Season 5 - we've got a long ways to go.

2. Remember that a major goal of this was to keep the Jackie/Hyde tension going through this period of the show in proportion to everything already there. It's been tough to do that without sacrificing Kelso's character development, which is there at this point in the series - he does try to change and be faithful to Jackie. But I think I've found some fun ways to work with that in Season 4 that you'll all enjoy.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

J/H 5-03: What is and What Should Never Be

Another episode where adjustments were going to be inevitable. Pretty brief this time; rewrites are only in one section near the beginning of the episode. Context should be clear if you know the episode.

FF.Net AO3

***

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   A pleasant afternoon, and the driveway is wide open. FEZ and KELSO shoot hoops while DONNA (in her school uniform) and ERIC discuss the big news.   DONNA: I can’t believe they’re having a baby.   ERIC: I can’t believe they’re still having sex. I mean, my dad’s back goes out if you look at him wrong.   Fez and Kelso stop playing and join them.   KELSO: (to Eric) Hey, where’s Hyde? I haven’t seen him all day.   ERIC: Oh, uh... Fotohut.   KELSO: Oh.   He starts dribbling the basketball again, then stops.   KELSO (cont’d): You know, he wasn’t around last night, either.   ERIC: Uh... skank of the week?   KELSO: Oh.   He starts to dribble again, then stops.   KELSO (cont’d): And Jackie hasn’t been around much either.   DONNA: Uh... she’s at the movies.   KELSO: What movie?   DONNA: Um... you know. That new movie where the beautiful, intelligent redhead who’s really tired of all the secrets everyone keeps keeping starts busting heads over it.   FEZ: Sissy Spacek busts heads? (beat) Excuse me.   He turns and cuts through the garage. Kelso shrugs and drops the basketball.   KELSO: Oops. Uh, a little help there, Donna?   DONNA: Sure.   She bends over, and Kelso lets out a loud cheer. Donna responds by throwing the basketball right into his gut, sending him toppling over. Eric, chuckling, steps in toward Donna.   ERIC: Well, I’m really looking forward to this new Sissy Spacek movie.   Donna smiles at him, and they head into the kitchen, leaving a moaning Kelso rolling around in the driveway.   BUMPER   INT. HYDE’S ROOM - DAY   Later that day. Hyde’s room also being a storage space, KITTY has taken out a trunk full of old baby things. Eric and Donna stand beside her as she rifles through it.   KITTY: Oh, Eric, look – your little pink baby sweater. Oh, oh, and the matching pink bonnet!   She holds them up, beaming. Donna tries not to snicker.   ERIC: Um, had they explained to you yet that I was a boy?   KITTY: Oh, I am just so excited about this new baby.   ERIC: Well, you should be. And Dad should be, too. What’s with him, anyway?   KITTY: Oh, no, that’s just his way. He’ll be fine. When I first told him about you, he said “oh, crap” and stormed out. Don’t worry about your father. He’ll come around. He always does.   Kitty gathers the sweater and bonnet up and exits.   Eric and Donna start to look through the trunk when HYDE and JACKIE enter.   HYDE: Hey.   Eric and Donna look up.   ERIC: Well, well. If it isn’t Bonnie and Clyde. You’re welcome. We just had to cover for you two this morning.   DONNA: Yeah, you two need to tell Kelso. He’s starting to notice things. I think he might figure out what’s been going on.   Hyde and Jackie share a look, as do Eric and Donna. All four of them break out laughing.   ERIC: No, but seriously, guys. Come on, listen to your conscience.   HYDE: Okay, I’m getting out of here before Jiminy Cricket starts singing.   He strolls right back out of the room, with Eric following. Jackie moves to follow them, but Donna holds her back.   DONNA: Jackie, you two owe it to Kelso to tell him the truth.   JACKIE: I don’t owe that loser anything! If Michael can keep sucking on every third tongue in Point Place a secret from me while we were dating, then I don’t need to tell him I moved on with a real man.   She tries to leave again, but Donna pulls her back. Instead of pressing the argument, though, Donna shifts on her feet, a smile curling on her mouth.   DONNA: (beat) Can I ask something? What made you come around on Hyde? I remember when you had that crush on him, and you came down from that really fast.   JACKIE: I don’t know. He’s smart, he’s complicated, he’s protective, and...   Now she shifts on her feet, suddenly coy.   JACKIE (cont’d): Okay, you know how, when you have to do without, you can pack the washing machine with an unbalanced load and ride it?   Donna nods, eager.   JACKIE (cont’d): Well, after Steven, that’s just not enough anymore.   Donna claps a hand over her mouth as Jackie breaks into giggles.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – DAY   Concurrent with the previous scene. Eric sits on the back of the couch, near Hyde’s chair, while Hyde rummages through the deep freeze.   HYDE: Look, Forman, you can get off my back, all right? I’m gonna tell Kelso. I’ll have to tell him. It’s looking like me and Jackie might be together a little while.   He crosses to his chair, two popsicles in hand. He tosses one to Eric.   ERIC: Man, I still don’t get why it’s Jackie that made you go steady. If you wanted something small and evil to look out for, we could’ve found you a stray cat. I mean, your check list for women always come down to blonde, busty, and slutty. Jackie ticks maybe one out of three, and that’s assuming she “develops” more. Come to think of it – why was Kelso with her?   HYDE: All right, maybe this’ll help. You know Jackie made head cheerleader, right?   Eric nods.   HYDE (cont’d): That took a lot of energy, a lot of agility, and a lot of bitchiness. Now, take all that and put it in the bedroom.   Eric looks up in thought. His eyes go wide and his jaw drops. He looks to a grinning Hyde, and they both slowly nod.   Kelso comes down the stairs.   KELSO: Hey, guys. What’re you talking about?   Eric and Hyde both spring to their feet.   ERIC/HYDE: Indy 500.   They look to each other and grin.   ERIC/HYDE: Nice!/All right!   KELSO: Hey, can one of you guys give me a ride to the DMV tomorrow? I lost my license in California.   ERIC: Sure, Hyde’ll take you.   HYDE: (to Eric) What?   ERIC: (to Kelso) Yeah, it’ll give you two a chance to catch up. He can tell you how he spent his summer break.   HYDE: (beat) Yeah. All right. (to Kelso) So what happened to your license, man?   KELSO: Oh, a shark ate it!   ERIC: Really? How?   KELSO: (beat) Fine, I lost it! You happy now?

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan script

[zen3to5]

Hi! I just read the last few updates and I gotta say, I'm loving the changes to Donna and Eric's arcs (both separatedly and as a couple) just as much as the ones for Hyde and Jackie. It also got me curious: upon planning this rewrite, is there any other changes you'd have liked to do to Eric and Donna early on?

Thanks! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed them. (Fun fact: the changes to Eric’s story are based on the life of Batman film producer Michael Uslan.)

As for other changes to Eric and Donna’s stories - if I were rewriting everything I found flawed in Season 6, then pretty much everything concerning Eric and Donna would’ve been changed. I would’ve had Donna go off to college, have her and Eric’s now-long-distance relationship drive the conflict and comedy, have Eric get restless to join her at UW, and I would’ve had them go through with their marriage at the end of the season - without the marriage counseling/celibacy subplot.

What that would’ve meant for Season 7, I don’t know - I’ve never thought that through, which is one reason why I limited this rewrite to the Jackie/Hyde stuff. A bigger reason is that there is so much about Eric and Donna - as a couple and as individuals - from Season 6 on that I find wrong, that so much of their material would’ve had to have been made from scratch, and that was a bigger undertaking than I was prepared for.

(As for things early on - I love Eric and Donna’s relationship through Season 5, so the only adjustments I made were knock-on effects from the Jackie/Hyde changes. )

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