tea-eaterz

[tea-eaterz]

the sh scars on my ankle are killing me every time i have shoes on... idk what to do about it

#they're old scars #thought i made them heal well but apparently not #they've hurt before but no like this and for so long #i'm not about to show them to anyone #and internet has been useless

[tea-eaterz]

Dealing with ppl forcing me to eat a lot is VERY hard to manage, i just feel like yelling and crying but i act as if everything was fine.

#at least when i binged or overate i was the one responsible #but when i feel i'm getting better w/ dealing w/ dinners i would have avoided before #and trying to manage it in a way that's less anxiety inducing possible #BUT THEN being FORCED to eat even more to the point where my stomach is full and starts to hurt but i still have to eat more gives me #binges throwback #and that's not something i want to re-live!

[tea-eaterz]

the dinners with the grand-parents are slowly killing me!

#i love them but THE FOOD!!! #i mean THE FOOOOD #plus the anxious exams toughts #AND my professor who's not responding to my questions #i love her too but i won't be able to breath normally until she says it's okay and i can go on w/ my project #!!!

[tea-eaterz]

life is falling appart *again* and i don't know how to externate all the baaad feelings and anxiety pouring on me so guess i'll be writing some things on here (feel like talking to myself but w/ the self being an actual other person...logics of my brain)

#what a coincidence it's actually exam seasons #... #also dealing w/ those feelings & thoughts was so much easier with sh #or am i just telling myself that because i want to do it sooooo badly and i can't #and i'm just projecting old memories even though i don't really remember how it felt #i mean who am i kidding i actually know very well how it felt! #fck all this

[tea-eaterz]

#yes i'm still alive

[tea-eaterz]

bouncing between recovery and relapse is a hell of a nightmare

#split between anti-diet/intuitive eating insta VS tumblr... #and some toxic friendship #also the lack of control around food in summer and being w/ other ppl is killing me

[tea-eaterz]

dear ed,

please leave me the fuck alone tonight while i'm trying to celebrate with my friends and have a good time.

#this also apply to anxiety & intrusive thoughts #thanks #but really though make an effort...

[tea-eaterz]

listening to my obsession of when i was 17 years old feels pretty accurate to my actual mood

#soko all the way #the sad album obv not the punkish one for now #also some philemon cimon

[tea-eaterz]

[tea-eaterz]

fighting the exam and life anxiety through a dance battle

#did i just threw myself a dance party for my weight? #i sure did #at least one thing i'm doing right #tea diary

[tea-eaterz]

[tea-eaterz]

More examples of the WORST mansplaining here.

[tea-eaterz]

It feels like everything is starting over

[tea-eaterz]

seeing a woman with a "GOT THIS" t-shirt gave me a minute of hope

[tea-eaterz]

why did relapsing badly during exam season felt like a good solution?

#it didn't #but it still happened #and it was quicker than i thought #might as well go deep in it #fucked up brain

[tea-eaterz]

[tea-eaterz]

i didn't know i missed my rumbling stomach this much