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New computer
I’m literally just doing this because I got a new computer and I wanna try it out with various different things lol
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A handsome, black-hooded figure calls to me and beckons me forth, the beautiful scythe it carries gleaming in the soft light of the moon.
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-Rubber Soul:
1. Mono
2. 1965 Original Stereo
3. 2009 Stereo
4. 1987 Stereo
Reasoning: When it comes to Rubber Soul, the mono recording just sounds the most natural and balanced, and I feel that it presents the album in the best way possible (on CD). In second place is the 1965 original stereo (from the mono CD) because it also feels much more natural and balanced when compared to the 1987 and 2009 stereo CDs. An example of note is the positioning of the harmonic vocals in "Girl." For the 65, they surround you a bit more than they do on the other two discs. For the 09 and 87, they're just off to the right, which feels weird. The 2009 stereo disc feels like it's too popified, and it makes certain things stand out over others; I feel this wrongfully puts some things in the background and hides them away. This makes the 2009 stereo feel timid and insecure in comparison to the 1965 stereo recording. However, I feel that the 2009 stereo is slightly cleaner than the 1987 stereo; they are almost identical, and this may be purely my imagination, but the 2009 just feels slightly more natural. Some things like the guitar in "In My Life" feel like they're neatly playing in the corner, while the 87 makes it feel like they're hiding away, overshadowed by the other instruments.
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I'm the type of person to accidentally cut myself a lot. And then, upon seeing the cut, I keep making it deeper because I can't stand the thought that I just did that and I'm trying to make myself feel worse for being so idiotic.
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I do my best to be the best friend and partner I can, but I always just end up being a pain in everyone's ass...
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My stomach:
I FUCKING HATE YOU I'M CAUSING YOU AS MUCH PAIN AS POSSIBLE
Me:
WhaT dID I dOOoaoOo
Also me:
*forgets that I haven't gone to the bathroom for 2 days*
#I'm very good at taking care of myself#My body only tells me what it needs in sudden and violent ways
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Well... I haven't posted here in over a year, and I'm just now looking back at my daily blog posts.
I really did write down a decent chunk of my life there 😅 makes me wonder if anyone else read the entire thing.
I doubt I'll be back, but I guess I'll check in.
18 now, gonna be 19 in less than a month - so will my current partner. We were born 4 days apart. Crazy shit.
I love them, but I just wish they'd text more XD. I get so goddamn lonely. I'm not mad at them tho! I understand that they just aren't very good at texting lol.
They're very sweet and snuggly, which is just what I need.
I guess I've been feeling better than I was in my past blogs? I just get in these states where everything feels pointless, stale, and hopeless.
Listening to A Night at the Opera by Queen atm.
Night night.
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Daily Blog #66: October 12, 2021
Okay, I have a legitimate reason for not posting this yesterday, but I'm not gonna tell you.
(AKA I passed out on the couch.)
Day started off pretty shittily- I just felt like absolute trash.
I was tired, depressed, and I felt absolutely overworked and overwhelmed; it felt like I had no more time to myself, and my partner not talking to me had taken its hit. My parents hadn't ceased in their expression of my shitty and evil nature, which of course pissed me off, but also started to work its way into my brain.
I got to school and just didn't talk much. I sat next to my friend and rested my head on her leg. She knew something was up and comforted me as I tried not to cry.
Eventually I had to go sit in my seat, and I kinda just stared blankly at the floor.
My teacher noticed, and asked if I was alright. I just looked up and shrugged blankly. Went back to our business.
A minute later when she had finished what she was doing with a student or two, she came up and whispered, "Do you want to come into my office and talk?"
"I don't wanna take away class time."
"You are more important than class time. If you wanna talk, we can."
"Yeah... We can."
"Come on."
We walked into her office, and I just kinda stood there until the door closed.
I think she said "What's going on," but I can't really remember it too well - I just started crying and couldn't really stop.
She hugged me, and I tried to talk to her about everything, but I don't think she could understand me the first time; I had to calm down a bit and explain.
She offered to let me sit in her office or go to guidance for the rest of the class, but I told her I'd rather sing.
This was, of course, after she talked to me about what I had said, especially with my parents telling me how shitty I am.
First time I felt good in a while was a little bit after that conversation when I had finally gotten out of that rut; it really helped to have her there for me.
I think that's the biggest time I've ever just completely lost it, especially in front of other people... It was really helpful though...
Thank you.
The rest of the day was fairly standard, but I felt happy and energetic again.
I really wish my partner would text me again. I love them and I wanna see them qwq.
I guess that's all for tonight though.
See ya!
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Daily Blog #65: October 11, 2021
A lot happened but I don't care enough to write
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Daily Blog #64; October 10, 2021
Welp, I'm depressed and hot (not in the temperature/appearance way).
I went to a really nice party tonight, but I felt out of it most of the time.
I'm tired of feeling like this...
I was really pissed off at myself for no reason earlier... Yelled at myself in the mirror a lot...
I feel a bit better now though, thankfully...
I'm probably gonna stay up for a bit and maybe write some erotica...
See ya
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Daily Blog #63: October 9, 2021
Why
Can't
I
Just
Fucking
Like
And
Trust
In
Myself
No matter what in the fuck I do, it just gets harder and harder to trust myself in what I am the more I stay here...
Why am I so fucking useless and needy...
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Daily Blog #62: October 8, 2021
I've just been watching Big Mouth all day.
I went to Comic Con, where there are a ton of openly LGBTQ+ individuals that like all kinds of cool shit, not to mention the fact that there were transgender bathrooms, and I don't know if I've ever felt more secluded and alone...
I don't fucking know why...
I used the transgender bathroom, which was absolutely fucking intimidating, but I'm glad I did it.
It was scary honestly... I was like "oh shit people are gonna stare at me and make fun of me"
That didn't happen.
And yet, I couldn't bring myself to go in there again when I had to go later on...
It's so fucking stressful when you grow up in an area that teaches you to despise what you never knew you were until now...
Hell, I don't even fucking know what I am... I feel like I don't fucking belong anywhere, like I need a label...
I don't know my sexuality
I don't know my gender
I don't know what I want to be
So many fucking decisions... I just wish I could exist...
I'm proud to be queer, but that's the only label I can put on it... It doesn't satisfy my sick, social urge though...
Ugh, I shouldn't be mad at myself over this...
I have amazing friends... But none of them are here to just fuck around with and include my sorry ass...
I just feel so alone...
I can't trust my parents with myself... It fucking sucks, but nothing can be done at this point...
It's always been that I NEED to be absolutely correct on the very first try because I'm not allowed to "change" after that...
They don't fucking understand, and they never will...
It's partially me too... I don't want them in my life, and I certainly don't try anymore.
She never fucking listens. She never learns. I tell her that maybe I wouldn't hate her so much if she'd fucking leave me alone and not ask 20 fucking times and yell at me whenever I don't wanna talk to her fucking ass...
She's always done this. She gets in your face and keeps hounding you until you give her an answer she likes.
I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit...
So yeah... I went to comic con, and I just sat in the fucking corner and watched Netflix...
What a sorry piece of shit I am...
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Daily Blog #61: October 7, 2021
Welp, I'm 4 hours in the wrong direction from home and 21 stories up.
I just wanna be with my partner.
I hope they're okay.
As for the actual blog stuff, I got like 4 hours of sleep last night, got up, uploaded some more CDs, went to school, did all the fun stuff there, came home, did some more CDs, then left.
I only have 10 CDs left that I need to upload and digitize. My song count thus far is 3,335 with 261 albums.
Not bad.
The fucking app is using 135GB somehow. It's not even close to 90 on my computer.
The hell are you doing iBroadcast?
I can't wait to get a dedicated DAP.
Still happy with my DT-770 Pros tho.
I guess that's it.
Night.
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Daily Blog #60: October 6, 2021
Once again, there's really nothing to talk about.
I did end up passing out for about an hour at some point last night, but that's all I slept.
I was working on getting all of my CDs uploaded to iBroadcast in FLAC format.
I have most of them done; there's like 30 left. I'ma finish them off tonight.
Play rehearsals were fun, as usual. I love my fellow theater children ❤️
I'm exited for the Better Homecoming on Sunday; we're boycotting the school one in favor of hanging out with friends, eating pizza, and playing chess.
I'ma bring like 3 big jars of salsa and 5 bags of tortilla chips.
Might grab the Xbox 360, my guitars and mic, but probably not the drums lol.
I am working on those CDs rn btw lol.
I currently have 225 albums uploaded to iBroadcast, but I'll have at least 260 by the end of the night.
Apart from the usual fights with my parents and my longing to see my partner, that's about it.
Sleep well, lovelies.
-Leonna.
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Daily Blog #59: October 5, 2021
I decided that I'm not gonna sleep tonight. I'ma stay up and get some work done. I wanna be on top of shit because my parents are making me miss a day of school on Friday.
I got my Lights Over Ashfield CD today. Very happy about it. I already have it uploaded to iBroadcast.
That's about all.
Goodnight.
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Daily Blog #58: October 4, 2021
I went to school
I spent more time working on my music library.
Once this batch uploads, I should have around 1,909 tracks, if my math is correct.
Nothing else to really talk about.
Goodnight!
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