thetentativewriter

[thetentativewriter]

In-Between

Chapter 1

The cold wind blows ever so thunderously, and droplets of rain fall on my face as I watched them lower my boyfriend’s coffin into the ground. People are mourning, but I stood still, maybe due to me knowing the information beforehand, that he had a terminal illness. I had noticed something was not right with him but he would always tell me the same thing whenever I asked, “It’s fine babe, don’t worry.”

You are an idiot.......

The very moment he told me was the moment my world came crashing down, I was mad but I couldn’t yell or argue with him, all I had to do was stay.

So I did, by his bedside as his condition worsened, stayed by his side whenever he needed something, stayed by his side and recite the stories and poems that I’d made specifically just for him, and him alone.

Something in me convinced me that, if I do all of this, then maybe, just maybe, he’ll be okay, but I’m sure you know how the story goes. Everyone on this planet has a story, the sad thing is not all of them get a happy ending.

Maybe I should cry as I did for the past ten months of knowing, but I couldn’t, I’m all dried up, a shell of a human. But, I guess, I can let the rain be a substitute for my tears.

I left the funeral, not bothering to talk to anyone, not even his mourning family. I went back into that apartment, that sad and lonely apartment. It was so much brighter when he was here. If he was here he would play the guitar and sing the songs that he wrote just for me. I find it hard moving on, I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone as much as I’ve loved him.

I laid on our bed or I guess “my” bed and memories came rushing in, of when we first kissed, when we made love for the first time when he would call me his “star” and when we would stare into each other’s eyes and say nothing.

I miss him more than words.

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I'm moving out of my old apartment, I figured I’d better get a new and fresh start. I know Max wouldn't want me to live my youth in grief and heartache. I know he'd want me to live while I'm still breathing, so that's why I decided to move and kickstart my career as a writer.

I've always been scared of starting a career out of writing, I'm not a person who's particularly confident about their crafts. I've been putting it off for many years, and another reason for doing this is... I want him to be proud and I’ll make him proud!

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This fucking sucks. Three months of moving to New York, THE CITY OF DREAMS!, and I'm still unemployed, I'm not sure how proud that makes you Max but I'm trying. I am trying. None of the companies to that I sent my manuscripts to have responded.

Life in the big city is far from glamorous and fun as the magazines would suggest. The real world sucks, filled with blood-sucking people and fucked up systems.

I've written tons since I got here and to be frank, I've been enjoying myself, some may say I’ve moved on too fast, but they don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

I still think of him, more than I should but some things just have a habit of never leaving you alone. I’ve been drinking, but not to an alcoholic degree, I’ve made sure not to fall apart and disappoint Max, but the unemployment part is really bugging me though.

I decided to clear my head by going to a cafe i often frequent. It’s a lovely place, a cozy one, reminds me of home back in Toronto. I entered and sat in my usual spot and pulling out a laptop. This is usually when I would immerse myself in my writing with only but a regular milkshake by my side but this time something caught my eye.

An new face walked through the front door, and normally I would just ignore them since this is quite a popular place but something about this stranger seems familiar some how. They were wearing a large, black coat, their face is covered with dark sunglasses, and their hair was silky curly like that of water rippling. I looked for a moment before looking back at my laptop, continuing my work.

The figure was ordering something by the counter, I casted them a final glance, still unable to shake that familiar feeling away. I walked up to the counter after seeing my emptied glass of milkshake for a refill, the figure has just turned towards the exit when suddenly something dropped out of their coat pocket. After seeing, I bend down gently to pick it up only to be met with a gentle touch of the figure. I quickly looked up, and our eyes meet.

“You’ve dropped something..” I said but he continued to examine my face. I felt rather uncomfortable and would like to break away from this awkward predicament but the familiarity washed over me once more upon further inspection of his face. His face is very boxy, has lots of defining features, thick curly hair as well as thick eyebrows, gentle lips and a wandering gaze very much alike someone I once know.

“Um……” This is getting quite awkward.

“I-“ He exclaimed, but I pulled way quickly, not wanting to be in this awkward position any longer.

“Well, I better get going-“ I said before being interrupted,

“I know you… you’re Arny! ARNY!” He suddenly took me by the waist and spun be around making me feel drowsy. What is going on?

“Oh- I recognized you by your birthmark above your left eye.” He continued.

“I’m sorry—I need a lil’ bit of a refresher. Who are you?” I said after being put down, the drowsiness continued a bit. After it had worn off I noticed something on his lips, a tiny slid on the top right corner. It’s all coming back to me.

“DAN?!” I said excitedly before pulling him into a huge huge. I had realized in that moment that a lot of people are staring….like a LOT.

“Let’s go sit at my table.” I whispered, and lead him towards my table.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long! I thought I’d never see you again!” I exclaimed loudly, but I made sure to not be too loud.

“Oh, how do I start? It’s been like forever.”

“10 years in fact.” I said.

“Still have that know-it-all attitude I see, looks like some things never change. But really- I’ve missed you so much.” He said, his face is all aglow, I can see tints of red on his ears, it reminded me of how he’d always turn red whenever he gets too happy. Some things never change indeed.

And all throughout the afternoon, talking was all we did, there was too much to be said. When we were younger we used to be in a friend ground called the

“In-Betweeners” It’s super embarrassing now that I think about it, it consisted of me, Arny (Arsenio Denzel), Dan (Daniel Myers), Jim (Trevor Dancy) and Max (Maxwell Thomson) who was my boyfriend until he passed. We had so much fun together until Jim and Dan had to move away, leaving me and Max behind. I can still remember the time when we would run after their cars, yelling “WE’LL MEET AGAIN!” at the top of our little lungs. But now I’ve found them again, well one of them at least.

We talked and talked and talked until I noticed his happy face become somber,

“I’m sorry about Max, I was going to go to his funeral but I was in Rome and couldn’t make it, I was going to contact you but…..”

“I understand.” I said as I reached my hand to cup his.

“I’m stronger than you think and Max, well, he’s in a happy place now and…..and…” My voice quivered suddenly. I thought I had gotten over this! But deep down, the sadness had managed to find an escape and is engulfing me once more. I hate that feeling but I felt a squeeze on my hand that made me look at Dan. He was calm, behind his tender eyes were tears waiting to be flown but he managed to keep himself collected, this was a different Dan than the one I once known, he was stronger, more confident, more whole. Younger Dan would’ve been so proud to see how he’d turn out.

His looks of reassurance made me composed myself and straighten my back.

“Um…I’m fine, y’know Arny! Heh, I’m always fine.” I said, still wanting to cry.

“Well, how about a change of scenery? How about my place?” He said and made me noticed that the café was beginning to close.

How could I say no? If I let him go then who knows when I will see him again and besides it’s not like I have prior commitments or anything, I’m still unemployed.

“Sure, let’s skitdaddle!” I said jumping off my seat and prepared my stuff. While I was packing, Dan made a phone call saying he wanted a car at 21st street. I was a bit confused, was that a taxi? An Uber?

We both waited outside the café awaiting our lift to Dan’s place. It was cold and I happened to forgot my coat. Damn you season! I began to wrapped my arms around myself but a sudden weight appeared on my shoulders. It was Dan’s thick black coat. He is now standing with his work clothes on and he appeared to have grown some incredible muscles. Dan had gotten bigger, a lot bigger than I’d expect. He is 6 ft by my assumption, I’m sure the ladies fling themselves at him at work all the time. And speaking of work, what does he do?

“What do you do, Dan?” I started.

“I’m a businessman.” He said.

“In what field?” I added.

“Technology Expansion and Development. Or T.E.D to be specific. We specialize in making and selling technology to the world.”

“Wow, you’re really up there, in those buildings huh? That’s wonderful! How amazing that my friend is a successful businessman!” I said, patting him repeatedly on his broad shoulders.

“Look at you! All grown up and stuff!” I continued. I really am proud and I’m sure Max is too.

“And how about you? Still writes?” He turned to me as he stopped my repeated patting.

“Always, you know me. Writing is how I live and how I’ll die, by the pages.” I exclaimed looking at the passing cars and flickering stop lights.

“This city is quite pretty, if you ignore the pollution and stuff. It really is the City Of Dreams.”

“Oh, it’s here.” He said, pointing at a car that’s fastly approaching.

It was a magnificent car. I don’t know the model but something about it screams “luxury” and one thing about me is that I hate luxury. Rich people scares me. I looked at Dan dumpfoundedly.

“Get in.” He opened one of the doors and called out to me, and here we go, to Dan’s place.

#gay love #writing #love triangle #hobbie #luxury #smexy #for the girls and the gays #pls send help #i have no shame #I need a life #pray for me #I hate school

[thetentativewriter]

WARNING!!!: GAY PEOPLE

Goodbye Kiss

1

“Monday”

It was a lovely day for writing, inspirations seems to be spewing from every passing breeze but Elliot Silas was getting none of the sort. He sat beneath a great willow tree that stood by a running lake, his pen was on paper, scribbling words and phrases that he hoped would connect and make a decent flowing story. But with every attempt, he kept tearing pages out of his notebook and threw it into the running lake. He murmured stories and lines to himself, he murmured names, and plot lines to himself but somehow, nothing was connecting. Frustrations simmers over him, his hands began to shake and he dropped his notebook beside him and looked on to the great forest before him. “Why isn’t anything going the way I wanted?” He asked no one.

After a short wondering while, he stood up, dusted his brown pants, grabbed his things and began to walk. He walked pass trees and stomped upon golden leaves as he was finding a way out. He stopped upon an opening of a village. There was an entrance gate with the word “Allentown” written in a wooden plank above. Elliot entered hesitantly as if he doesn’t want to, but his feet began to move at a normal pace into the village. It was a normal village, some(Elliot) may say a boring one, full of old folks and no one seems to be conversing with one another. Elliot walked past roads filled with brown leaves and gates of wooden, until he came across a tavern.

Elliot entered and sat on one of the wooden chairs near the counter. “What can I get you?” a women’s voice spoke sweetly.

“Hey, Emma, how’s business?and also the usual.” Elliot said, his eyes were stuck onto a book that he had just pulled out a second ago.

“Oh, y’know, the usual, a few folks but never a ton and uh— how’s your novel coming along?” said Emma, as she was cleaning the counter with a towel.

“Still stuck, I can’t seem to think of anything.” Elliot replied, finally closing the book and looking at Emma. “Aww, well….just keep trying, can’t hurt? Can it?” Emma retorted as she went into the kitchen. A few seconds later she came out with a plate of apple pie, piping hot.

“Enjoy!” she said as she began to move on to another customer that just came in. Elliot was alone with his thoughts once more, he has been trying to get his novel done but he got nothing, none of his ideas of the continuation of his story is considered good enough in his eyes. Before he could get lost even more in his mind, a voice pierced through, a soft and gentle “hello” broke his thoughts.

He looked to his side and saw a man, tall even when sitting, his eyes were opal and his hair was golden and he wore an army uniform. “Hi” the man started, smiling. “Hi” Elliot responded dumbfoundedly. “I know that book,” the man said, pointing at Elliot’s book that was closed on counter. “Really?” Elliot replied, seeming excited.

“Yeah, my favorite character is Talen,” the man said, his eyes glittering. “That’s mine also,” Elliot replied with just as much excitement as the man.

“I’ve never seen anyone read his books before, y’know since he isn’t really popular with people in the army.” the man said to Elliot, who was ignoring his apple pie and only looking at the man.

“He is so under appreciated, especially since he is such a compelling writer, his words could cut glass.” Elliot said as the man let out a small laugh.

“Oh! How rude of me, I’m Kayn, Kayn Wyatt.” He said, his hand in front of Elliot.

“Elliot, Elliot Silas, my friends call me Eli, that is, if I had any.” He said as he took Kayn’s hand in his. “Hey, I’m your friend!” Emma stooped in offendedly, but there was a smile in the corner of her face.

“So you two getting along? How nice, so what can I get you?” Emma asked Kayn. “Oh, well, an apple pie with cream and tea , thank you” Kayn responded and began to shift his focus once more to the person next to him.

“I mean the way he handles the plot was ground breaking! And the characters are amazing!” Kayn retorted, his voice was higher than before. “How come I never see you around here?” Elliot asked, as he took a bite of his pie.

“Maybe we never got the chance to, I’ve lived here all my life, well except when I was eighteen, that’s when I joined the military.” Kayn said, Elliot could tell that Kayn choked a little when he mentioned the army.

“Well, I moved here a year ago, I came from New York, I wanted a change of scenery to focus of my writing.” Elliot explained as the pie on his plate was now half-eaten.

“Here is your Pie and tea, anything else?” Emma started, her eyes glitter as she looks at the two people infront of her.

They were talking for hours on end about their favorite books, poets and arts and to their surprise, they have the same taste and interests, and that was when a new bond was formed. Elliot felt like he had made a new friend. This person actually cares about his interests and passion, he took him aback. Time was absent to them for they didn’t know that the golden sky had turned to night, which made them realized that they had things they need to do.

“So after this, I’m going to go to a bar with a couple of friends, wanna join?” Kayn asked Elliot as they were running out of energy to go on talking. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Elliot replied. “No, no, you wouldn’t intrude on anything!” Kayn reassured. “Well, I have this thing that I have to finish, so maybe when we meet again?” Elliot said as he was taking a sip of tea. “Well, how about tomorrow, same time as today? I want to see you again.” Kayn uttered. Elliot was shocked in place, he didn’t know how to respond to that but somehow his mouth moved on its own and replied to Kayn with a “yes” which made Kayn’s smile grew even bigger than before.

As they were preparing to leave the tavern, Emma came by and gave them free treats, on the house, before saying her goodbyes. They both walked out of the tavern.

“See you, hope you won’t stood me up, haha” Kayn said jokingly.

“I wouldn’t miss it and I’ll make sure to bring more books next time.” Elliot replied, the smile was not fading away.

They both stood awkwardly in front of the tavern, they look like they were waiting for the other to turned first, but none of them did.

“Haha, well, this is awkward, I should probably go now.” Elliot began.

Kayn gave an approving smile and watched as Elliot turned on his heel and walked the other direction. Elliot couldn’t help but think about Kayn, every step he took was almost like a skip, and suddenly new inspirations started to pour into Elliot’s head like water and his walking turned into a run. He finally arrived at his house, a cottage. Flowers and gardens were situated in the front, as well as on the side of the building. It was welcoming. Elliot went in, put his bag and book on a table near the front and hung his coat. He took the stairs up to his working room and began to put pen to paper and wrote the night away.

#creative writing #fiction #writers #writing #gay love