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we're home, we're safe, we'll wake up in the morning alive. nobody is coming to hurt us or our loved ones.

#popstar.abk #tomorrow we can start to breathe a little. #going to rest.

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thinking a bit about when we were deliriously begging the nurse, "please, i don't want to lose you," on full dissociative autopilot. it took us until afterwards to realize we were thinking of our mom in that moment. we recalled guns while in the back of the ambulance.

our mom... sat in therapy with us. "i don't know how it works where you came from, but here you need to take your kids and go" she said the cops had told her.

we remember their guns. we remember being afraid.

#popstar.abk

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*checking the calendar* this all started on the 17th until our mania slid into full blown delirium on the 23rd.

if we didn't live in a disability oriented housing environment where we specified many, many times ahead, "please do not call the police on us in any form of mental health event, it Will escalate the situation," uhhhh.

#popstar.abk #let's not finish that sentence.

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this is a lot. please don't read if you're not in the state of mind for it. just need to get it out.

(tw: rape, child sexual abuse, physical & emotional abuse, drugs, religion)

the only reason we never went all the way into harder drugs is because immediately after our dad's... everything...

the rape of us (she didn't know). the alcoholism. the constantly beating mom. threatening suicide to keep her in the relationship.

there was our stepdad. who at the time was having paranoid breakdowns on coke. also never when mom was home. also always while babysitting us. raving frantically about how "they're" coming to kill us and similar, terrifying things. it stuck in our head. we didn't realize, but it stuck in our head.

and... the nannies. at the same time period. the. the stepfather in that family. the stepfather of that friend back then. who works in addiction counseling now. it's still hard to say. that man. hurt us both too. molested. raped. she is safe. she is okay.

but the nannies. that church. that insular church. people crave connection and understanding so badly. this was not the right kind. this was not a place where it was offered. unfortunately it was not one we had a choice in being in. we.

we...

......

i. don't know.

this. post got away from us maybe.

#popstar.abk #rape tw #csa tw #abuse tw #drugs tw #religion tw #tbd

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we didn't even know our dad left without saying goodbye, honestly. that's how effectively everything he'd done was repressed from memory. he stole our mom's money and left.

this... This. went on for so long.

we trusted him with the details of our clumsy abuse at home.

we begged to move in with him.

#popstar.abk #sexual assault tw #implied. #sigh. #tbd

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and the game was over

#ultrakill

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what if the gods forgot themselves, spending so long clutching to what once was, paralyzed by fear, by grief, by a veritable whirlwind of emotion, they couldn't see the value in what was there before them?

what if the flayed corpse of god was just some guy. what if it loved humanity so relentlessly in spite of all its jagged faults.

what if the smallest pieces of kindness offered to it, the people that never gave up on it, made it feel valued and loved even when parts of it never quite understood those feelings.

what if this was god's favorite universe.

because we share in this moment together.

#popstar.abk #media we would recommend at the moment; #in stars and time; #naruto; #legend of korra; #religion tw

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unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

#queue #space

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late night... we had sushi. today was relaxing despite smaller bites of trauma still resurfacing in pieces. yogurt snack. startled the dog a little just now, dropping our phone, oops.

lulling around tiredly. we think we're going home on the weekend maybe, if our mental state continues to steady.

#popstar.abk

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should i get into bird watching?

#people following our blog witnessing our manic panic breakdown probably. #(meant in genuine lighthearted solidarity. no shame in it. just how it is with mental illness y'know?) #(now we can learn how to deal.)

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when is comes to asexuality and aromanticism you have to be okay with contradiction. one ace person will say asexuality is about not experiencing attraction, another will say it’s about not caring to act on attraction, another will say it’s not experiencing arousal. one aromantic will consider themself queer, one won’t. two people with seemingly identical experiences will use two different labels. aro people will be in romantic relationships, ace people will have sex. you get it.

#queue

[unicarcass]

#queue #jerma

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Her.

#queue #monster hunter

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Shara Ishvalda - The Old Everwyrm

Bonus Scrunkly:

#queue #monster hunter

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thank you so much to the people that have reached out to us in this time, it has not gone unseen or unappreciated. we will be able to spend more time responding later. resting now.

#popstar.abk

[unicarcass]

guess what i learned yesterday.

#queue #monster hunter

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little a gore magala, as a treat

#queue #monster hunter