vitablue-goldenheart

[vitablue-goldenheart]

I'm 28 now. It's kinda weird that there's no one (besides my family, but we usually celebrate that much) celebrate with me, hahah.

Ever since I was young, I have always felt lonely even when I'm with my friends, my ex lovers, or my family. It sucks and I know it's unhealthy, I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be obsessed by someone, be always embraced by someone, be doted, and smothered with love and someone who gives me assure that this is it, this is someone that I will stick with forever and I'm so happy for that.

But I know myself I will never get that kind of love. I know myself I will never have a connection with someone. Always my head in the clouds will make me feel that way, but it's just tragic that it isn't real. I'm not that unloved, but I always know I never, ever been a first choice by someone. It's just sad, but I know this is all my fault. Anyways, happy birthday to me, haha.

#IK no one is watching #but u know #i just write

[vitablue-goldenheart]

[vitablue-goldenheart]

Throwback to when I took painkillers and woke up with Photoshop open on my computer to this image I had made

[vitablue-goldenheart]

My dad starts drinking again and it is so sad, heartbroken.

He's an alcoholic and recently, he's been sober for months. I was very proud of him cause I also have alcoholism and being sober for 3 months, so watching him relapsing and crumbling into boozes is just so disappointing... I don't know what to do, hahahah.

#just thoughts #This is the reason why I will not get married LoL #tw: depression #alcohol #trusting people especially the bloodline is just so fucking stupid #and I feel so stupid

[vitablue-goldenheart]

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[vitablue-goldenheart]

I 'M 27 NOW!!!!(TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!)(it's 16th in my country now). Also I am so proud of myself that it's my 4th anniversary of stopping my cut myself. Can't believe I'm still alive LMAO

#just thoughts #birthday #i don't have any friends so I'm just gonna celebrate maself #anyway it's good to be alive

[vitablue-goldenheart]

The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.

Unknown

[vitablue-goldenheart]

I didn't get accepted all grad school that I applied.... I'm heartbroken, but I knew it's was a huge risk(it was completely different major with my current one)and I can still keep applying it so guess I have to keep going anyways (I'm reallysad, but not rlly but I wanna die)

#just thoughts #i will never get that in my whole life #but I wanna keep going #tw: depression #I will not fall for the suicide #I can do this

[vitablue-goldenheart]

“Never give up hope. Things can change overnight, and problems can dissolve in the light of a new day’s sun.”

— Leon Brown

[vitablue-goldenheart]

LOL(I can explain)

#florence and the machine #fatm #florence welch #spotify #spotify wrapped #it's just so funny #and i am not still okay #LOL

[vitablue-goldenheart]

OH GOD YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, YOU'LL BE SORRY THAT YOU MESSED WITH ME!!!!

[vitablue-goldenheart]

the sexual tension between me and every character pedro pascal has played

[vitablue-goldenheart]

King by Florence + The Machine // Judith Beheading Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi and Portia by Elisabetta Sirani

Requested by anonymous

[vitablue-goldenheart]

Titania, Oberon and Fairies by Henry Fuseli, c. 1790

[vitablue-goldenheart]

Update of my interview: I screwed up but I didn't cry. I get drunk instead

I have my last interview in two days. I know I'm not gonna make it, but wish me luck if anyone who see this LOL (Also yes I had another nightmare about ren WTH DUDE)

I just had a dream that Ren promised me to go Europe(cuz that is my idealistic trip) together but when the day came they left me at the airport and literally ghosted me, and right after waking up I cried like a broken tap.

LOL wtf dude

[vitablue-goldenheart]

Novembers are for looking at the pictures of roses you took over the summer and missing their lovely smell 🌸

[vitablue-goldenheart]

I just had a dream that Ren promised me to go Europe(cuz that is my idealistic trip) together but when the day came they left me at the airport and literally ghosted me, and right after waking up I cried like a broken tap.

LOL wtf dude

#yeh i'm having a hard time #tomorrow is my interviews for grad schools and I didn't prepare any of it #oh well guess I'm just gonna cry #lol #wish me luck you meowmeow puppy boi #14dwy #14 days with you #just thoughts