whattfamidoingwithmylife

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

short story time:

i have several medical conditions and about 9 different heart problems a little while back i had a heart monitor and for those that don’t know basically one of the things of does is track your heart rate and beats to see if any are irregular etc well me and my boyfriend were having shmex and i got an email notification saying that my heart rate was really high and irregular since i didn’t put in my log that i was about to exercise so the rapid increase seemed unwarranted anyway my heart rate was 158 beats per minute and moral of the story i guess is get you a man that makes your heart beat so erratically that your doctors get concerned for your heart health😂

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #d/s relationship #medical advice #heart monitor #no one is going to see this because i have one mutual

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

HE WAS LEANING AGAINST MY DOOR IN HIS LEATHERS WEARING HIS HELMET I REPEAT HE WAS DOING THE BOOK BOYFRIEND LEAN HEAD TILTED HELMET ON WITH THE TINTED VISOR

(i folded like a lawn chair at a fourth of july firework viewing party)

#biker boyfriend #no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #d/s relationship

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

dating someone who gives you great sex, good laughs, best friend vibes, epic conversations and unquestionable loyalty >>>>

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

god i fucking love it when he hits my cervix like yes baby bruise it and cum in me put that iud to fucking work

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

Thinking about creampies

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

i turned 22 the other day i usually don’t like birthdays but my boyfriend made it really special and we have a spot now our own little sanctuary it’s kind of a far drive up north but it’s beautiful we spent the day playing chess and he got me a very nice and expensive knife a spring knife with a button to press so that i don’t break my acrylic nails it was so thoughtful since my old knife fell apart it was a cheap little one with a playboy bunny on it anyway after a few games of chess we went to our spot and got some desserts and watched the sunset in a garden it was perfect i love him so much

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #d/s relationship #i love my boyfriend

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

i miss him so much even though i saw him the other day like come over my love and let me give you kisses and cherish you and play with your hair and in return give me forehead kisses and backshots while you hit my cervix

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #relationship #d/s relationship

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

when im stressed out or sad i look at moonsrarebooks.official on instagram and it makes me feel better i love books and reading and being able to see someone take care of such old books in wonderful condition with a soothing voice makes me feel better

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #books #i keep spending money i don’t have on books instead of paying my tuition

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

i don’t like upper case letters for the start of sentences or words like they’re so aggressive like “no” is so soft and sweet but “No” sounds mean and aggressive like why are you being so harsh also i only use punctuation when i have to and i wonder how many people see and read my texts/posts/etc and get annoyed with my lack of applied grammar rules

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #text post #at this point this is a diary

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

hi i haven’t posted in a while and ive been on here intermittently it’s nice to see that some people have found my account and liked my posts i genuinely didn’t think anyone would see these but here are some life updates

1) i never was able to afford my tuition and am taking time off while i work

2) i’m still seeing that guy i posted about months ago and jesus christ he’s fucking perfect i’m so in love with him also he doesn’t know about my tumblr though maybe one day we will go through it together but it’s cringe honestly anyway he is pretty dominant but doesn’t know much about bd/sm (again idk if tumblr will censor/suspend me) but he did agree to go to a local membership bd/sm place for education they have classes and seminars which is good because i want to be with someone educated before we engage in anything more than we have been doing but also let me brag real quick THIS MAN KNOWS WHAT HES DOING the shmex is so good oh my god it’s always double digit O’s and i love him so much he’s a biker and the helmet pix are so hot and the black compression shirt and grey sweat pants combo has me fighting for my life i always feel like i need my inhaler when i see him like that but i am so in love with this man i hope i spend the rest of my life with him genuinely i adore him and he treats me so well

3) i had previously mentioned avina st graves’ books i became friends with the author and am also a beta reader for her she has written more books and her writing has me in a choke hold the book skin of a sinner by avina st graves has scenes in it that i helped write and it’s so surreal to have my ideas in a book that so many people have read and are reading it’s insane

4) my life honestly fell apart for a bit but i wasn’t alone to pick up the pieces my boyfriend helped me i’ve spent most of my life alone and very independent so having someone in my life telling me to stop and not worry because he is going to take care of it and me is something i’ve never experienced before and it’s truly a blessing

5) i’m still disgustingly broke and spending all my money on books and paying bills

6) my father actually put me in a shit ton of debt that i didn’t know about until i started getting phone calls saying i owed debt collectors money and i am utterly fucked on that front

anyway that’s all i know so boring and again no one will probably see this but i sometimes find solace in writing these and posting them

#no one is going to see this but i post regardless #at this point this is a diary #updates on my life #avina st graves #boyfriend #biker boyfriend

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

Watching him jerk off gets me so wet and needy like please put it in my mouthhh

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

"What do you want to be for Halloween " i want to be railed from behind in a short mini skirt

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

take her out on a bookdate to buy her smut books so you can put her on your lap and fuck her while shes reading it

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

i have been going out with this guy for a while and he’s now officially my boyfriend but how the hell do i tell him what i’m into like i’m a fucking freak and he hasn’t given me any indication that he is into bd/sm (i don’t know how tumblr’s censors and algorithms work and i’m not about to get suspended) like last time i saw him he choked me a little bit while we were kissing and oh my god if we weren’t in public i would’ve been on my knees for him and yes i know submission is earned but i need a dom so badly in every aspect of my life it’s so hard to human and be a sub without a dom like please love me give me cuddles and tell me i’m your good little girl but also tell me that i’m your dirty little whore and cum slut and slap me in the face and choke me and make decisions for me is this how doms feel without a sub because i don’t know how i’m even doing it anymore anyway i hope he’s into the same things i’m into and is dominant and if he’s not and he’s not willing to try the things i’m into i’m probably going to cry like actually because all i think about is how i can please my future dom what he’s into and the things he would do to me i just want to be a good little sub for him but it’s rough out here

#d/s relationship #D/s #sub #bd/sm kink #brat #bd/sm #no one is going to see this but i post regardless

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

update i went to the doctors because my friend was super concerned and fronted the bill and i am forever grateful and working to pay them back i’ll have my results back in a week but they did an ultrasound to look at it and tell me why i couldn’t see my iud on the screen the ultrasound technician couldn’t tell me anything only the doctor can which is why i have to wait but like if i couldn’t see it where the fuck did it go

i think something is wrong i got an iud almost 4 weeks ago and i’m still in severe pain but i can’t afford to go to the doctors or hospital and the pain is only on one side too i don’t know what to do everyone has said i should go to the hospital but it’s too much money especially if the pain is just in my head what if they put it in the wrong place or it moved i had a very terrible healthcare experience getting it inserted

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

i think something is wrong i got an iud almost 4 weeks ago and i’m still in severe pain but i can’t afford to go to the doctors or hospital and the pain is only on one side too i don’t know what to do everyone has said i should go to the hospital but it’s too much money especially if the pain is just in my head what if they put it in the wrong place or it moved i had a very terrible healthcare experience getting it inserted

#something is wrong #help lol #iud #every day i regret moving to this country #i want to go back home

[whattfamidoingwithmylife]

we went on a cute little date and it was really hot outside so we went back to the car it ended with him telling me how wet i was for him and me cuming on his hand

#at this point this is a diary