whileurmine

[whileurmine]

Ѡ fuck it, panic

Jesus fucking Christ. That was the first thing that went through his mind. Just one single long swear word. As James stared down at his phone, gaze tracing over the body on display for him, he could feel mostly every higher brain function shut off. He had seen her naked before, yes, sure, but it had been so very long the memory had become fuzzy and distant. Hazy and indistinguishable from this one dream he had about her this one night.

But this— Jesus. His imagination was going faster than his mind. Gaze snapping back and forth between the lip bite he was sure he had seen more than once to the body he hadn't been touch in every way he wanted to yet. Slowly tracing down every curve. Unable to decide what he wanted more: touch her, kiss her, or leave marks all over her naked body, mark him in a way that made it impossible for Tisha to send a picture like that again without some evidence of their night together on it. Jesus fucking goddamn Christ.

James shifted in his seat. It was such a great fucking surprise he almost didn't know what to do with it. Wait, what— what did she want him to do with it? Did she want a picture of him? Did she want him to come over? Was she suddenly on board with his early retirement? Because the longer he looked down at the picture, the more he thought he might be as well.

[ james : tisha ] goddamn [ james : tisha ] see im gonna need more than just that. [ james : tisha ] maybe an address too or for you to tell me when you are coming over [ james : tisha ] hopefully with that scarf still on.

#my man said i can horny post too #not even considering she might have sent it as an accident actually #james nathaniel holloway ╱ 𝑎𝑠𝑘 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑒 #usfw

[whileurmine]

The laugh might have caught him a little off guard, yes, but God, the joy, the joy that spread throughout his chest just then, it could have fixed his loneliness if she hadn`t already. One of his own rolling off his lips. "Good, because so did I." A small, relieved chuckle leaving him just then, "I was just holding it back for as long as possible so I wouldn't freak you out by feeling too much too soon." What a couple of dumbasses they both were, huh. "I just figured at this point, even if you didn't, I needed you to know I did." She loved him. She loved him. She loved him. "Though now that I can, I mean—" Frank smiled, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss against her forehead, "I love you." Another at the very tip of her noise, "I love you." And then again, pulling her close enough so he could properly kiss her. "I love you, babe. I am so fucking glad to have you in my life."

“I love you so fucking much.” It comes out as one long word, blurted out with a laugh she can't hold in, Tisha shaking her head incredulously. “Fuck, Frank. I love you so much. I'm not just saying it back, I... I've just wanted to say it a hundred times, and I... I didn't want you to think I was saying it just to make you happy, or to... you know. And you, you fucking beat me to it." How many times has she thought it? A hundred is probably close, more if you mingle in all of the other things that mean I love you, Frank would like that, I wonder how he's doing, I should check his size next time I go out, he'll need a new coat when it gets cold, will he want to meet my family during Diwali, is that normal, can I introduce him to my family- "I don't think it's too early. Obviously. Obviously, I don't. Because I love you too."

#icaran-carrion #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha

[whileurmine]

Send 🍆  for my muse’s reaction to being sent a very intentional nude Or Send  “Ѡ” for my muse’s reaction to being sent accidental nudes.

#ask memes

[whileurmine]

He laughed softly, shaking his head and finally that one, that one was genuine. "I hope you are right, baby. God, how I want you to be right you have no idea." Smiling at her, his eyes so profoundly sad it seemed like happiness was never part of him to begin with. Frank leaned forward, planting the smallest of sweet kisses on her forehead. "What can I say? I'm just that good in bed." Frank chuckled leaning back against the chair. He wished he could do for her, half of the things she had done for him. He doubted it would ever be anywhere near enough though. A lifetime of trying wouldn't get him even close. "Hey, Tish." Frank cupped her face in one of his hands, thumb caressing her chin as he let out a small sigh. "Don't freak out, alright? Okay?" Eyes searching hers as if she would just say yes, I will before she even knew what he was talking about. "I can't tell if it's too early anymore. I just want to tell you I love you. I'm not saying it so I can hear it back, I'm saying it because I want you to know. It's not, it's not because you around when I freak out. You talk about art like it's a language only you can speak. You wake up in the morning looking messy and it makes my heart do a stupid little somersault. You are so fucking goddamn funny, and you care about shit no one else does. I'm pretty sure you make the world a better place by just being in it. I'm definitely sure you make my world a better place for being in it. I love you, alright? I appreciate every day I get to spend next to you. I would even if you had to leave and never come back. I just want you to know, s'all, I want you to know that you are loved."

"Then we're gonna have to agree to disagree." Tisha shrugs, like they've been debating the best album of the 90s, or the movie they just saw, not him. "Because I do, actually. You just…” she doesn’t know exactly how to describe it, her free hand making vague movements like he’s supposed to understand. “Okay, swimming lessons.” Is what she decides on. “It’s like swimming lessons. The therapy. You’ve been trying and struggling, because you had all of the want, but you had no technique. Nobody ever taught you. So you kept just holding your head above water, not moving forward. Now… now things can really start getting better. Not perfect. Definitely not right away. But better.” She can’t really argue with him on the finer points of it all. He fucked up. All of that is true, it would have ruined them, destroyed his kids, destroyed her. She can see herself, trying so fucking hard to help Ari through it without a hope in hell at saving her, can see herself sitting alone in his bed for days, unable to leave and shut away that part of her life. “How the fuck did you do this to me? I was only passing through. Now I don’t know if I’m ever gonna leave.” Is out of her mouth before it even registers.

#icarian-carrion

[whileurmine]

OKAY BUT action packed threads? we make a heist thing and make the characters rob a bank. Or like my character goes save urs after being kidnapped/being fuck with by evil bad guy/moment in trouble or smth where frank/jason/james gets to beat people up.

#ooc #shut up manu

[whileurmine]

He laughed softly, rolling his eyes as he shook his head at her. And that one, that one was almost honest. The feeling sitting on top of his chest almost gone. "I'm not saying I'm not trying; I'm just saying that I don't think it's enough." Even if you forgot, even if you could forget about the four years, he had spent in another country with a gun strapped to his chest, which he really fucking couldn't, there was also his failed marriage, Arizona, all the days he had lost with Ethan. Ellie had told him once, mid argument, that it was always like this with him, one step forward, two steps back. Just when you lowered your guard enough to think this time he wouldn't fuck it up, "I almost died twice these last few months, Tisha. One I was trying to save a kid, sure, but what about the one where I was being just a selfish asshole?" The guilt of that one, he would never recover. "What kind of fucker puts their ex in a position where they have to lean down and tell a 7-year-old kid their dad just wanted to get high more than he wanted to be around? What about you? What kind of son of a bitch would put their girlfriend in a position to find them like that? What the fuck would happen to you if I had been dead? How would you sleep again after that? Who the fuck would tell Ari? Who would take care of her? When Ellie talks to her, she just makes everything worse every time. Poor kid would be gone in less than a year because I wanted pop an extra pill. I should have known better; I do know better. And I did it anyway. That's always what happens, I know better and I still do the fucked up thing." There was more, there was always more, of course, he could keep talking forever if he wanted to, but he didn't, he really, really didn't. He didn't want to end up convincing her that he was right. "I'm trying, I know I'm trying, everyone knows I am, it's all I fucking say all the time." He chuckled, more air than sound, "I just don't think it's anywhere near enough."

"Yeah. You're right, that's true. So... who's around when you take that kid to school, because the bus won't pick him up?" Tisha reaches up to smooth his hair back. "Who's there when you're feeding those strays outside the laundromat? Who sees you get blankets loaded up in your truck in case someone sleeping rough needs one? Is that all to impress me? Pretty quick turnaround. But I bet Mrs. McCallister is pretty happy I came along, since you fixed her storm shutters too." She hums. Tisha isn't meaning to tease him, not in the way that she's making fun, this is serious, clearly it is, it's something that weighs on him heavy. But she doesn't see it. "I figured you had. For the record. I'm not as naïve as I sound. But I see you, every day, trying so fucking hard. And I don't think I'm the reason. I think I just gave you another direction to try in."

#icarian-carrion #death tw #ptsd tw #overdose tw #suicide tw #not really but idk just in case #depression tw #drug addiction tw #drug abuse tw #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha

[whileurmine]

send “🎲” (or "dice") for me to randomize the following settings and write you a starter set within whichever one we get ♡ happy developing ᵔᴗᵔ

*feel free to take or leave anything after the bolded words! i added them to help spark inspiration but you don't have to follow them as it's written

an art museum shortly before closing, there is no one else in the art exhibition except them

their teenage bedroom but the room is empty except for a few cardboard boxes full of their old things

an old church that has chipped wood and broken windows

an empty playground at night, one of street light's lightbulbs seems to be dying as it flickers across the street

stuck in an elevator, it's been almost an hour and there's still no sign that help is on the way

an 80s/90s themed mall where a few of the stores actually feature real clothes from that era

a cemetery at 3am sharp, the fog is making it hard to see even though they have flashlights

a picnic that's set up in the middle of a grassy field, the sun has just started to set

the beach on a sunny day, the sound of children laughing in the distance alongside the seagulls begging for food

a grocery store past midnight, the only other people in the store are the workers

an empty hallway of a hospital, it's dark outside and the overhead light in this hallway are dimmed

a grungy motel room in a motel that definitely has rats living in the walls

a college party in a fraternity / sorority house, the music is a tad too loud and they're running out of food

a dressing room full of performers after a big performance, there's a bouquet of flowers with a note attached laying on their vanity

an empty dressing room hours after a big performance, there's a bouquet of flowers with a note attached laying on their vanity

outside of a train station at midnight, the air is cold and there's a light drizzle

a crowded nightclub on new years eve, the countdown to midnight is just about to start

their dining room but there's a blizzard outside, nobody is getting in or out of the house for the next day or two

the waiting room of a detective's office in the early hours of the morning

beside a broken down vehicle on one of the back roads, you're an hour away from town and nobody ever uses the back roads anymore

the driver and passengers seats while driving for the past 2 hours, they're starting to think they may have taken a wrong turn

#ask meme

[whileurmine]

"I was laughing too." He shrugged dismissively. His best version of don't hold it against him. "I just—" Frank started, but he didn't finish. Whatever the sentence was going to be it got lost to time and space. The only thing he managed instead being a shrug. Frank didn't know her to know. Was that so bad? He didn't want her to think of him like that. "It's different, when you are around, it's easier. It's not like I would do any of that therapy shit without you, Tisha, you know that." That was that and, "I just..." Frank shook his head. "I haven't just been through a lot of stuff; I have done a lot of stuff." And that was all he would manage; all he would ever say, anymore and it would be too much. "Doing good things when everyone around is doing good things is easy. It's not even an effort. Bad people will do good things when everyone else is doing it to not cause a fuss. To be a good person you gotta do good things even when everyone else around you isn't. And I'm not... I'm not like that, s'all... I wish I was, I want to be, but I'm not." Never was, never would be. That was beyond his control. "You put me around a bunch of assholes you will have a hard time picking me out from the bunch."

Tisha has to stop herself from snorting. “No, I don’t think it’s funny. I think you went through a lot of shit, and I don’t like him laughing about it.” She admits, the closest to I don’t fucking like your friend she’ll get. “Frank… why do you think you’re a bad person? I know you’ve made mistakes. I’ve been here to see some. But… you care about everything, everyone, all the time. You do things nobody else would do, to try and make other people’s lives a little bit easier. I’ve never ever heard you say that’s not my problem and I don’t believe I ever will. And all of that, all of that can be true and still not mean someone is good, but on top of all of that, you’re also going to therapy, and in recovery, so you can be better for your kids. That’s huge. I’m not asking you to convince me you’re a bad person, because you can’t. I just don’t understand where you’re coming from on this.”

#icarian-carrion #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha #ptsd tw #trauma tw

[whileurmine]

like for a one liner or two or three idk depends on how what the parasites tells me to do

#like this cowards !!!!!!!!! #letty took away m ability to focus but its been given back ill do this now

[whileurmine]

"Yeah..." He nodded slowly. He was looking at her, yes, but he wasn't really. Gaze distant and unfocused. His tone still so very light they could be talking about their plans for the evening. "Yeah, I think so, but I don't want you to think that I am, if I can help it." He would have eternity to pay for his sins, couldn't he enjoy heaven on earth while it still wanted him there. Just because it was fragile, just because he wasn't worthy. Didn't mean he couldn't cling on a little longer. "Will you tell me? If you change your mind, I mean... You can tell me. I would want to know, I think." His own fingertips soft against her back, drawing tiny little circles onto the fabric of her clothes. "I keep thinking about it, I don't think there is anything that you would ask of me that I wouldn't do for you. I would rather change than lose you." She looked like an angel sometimes, with that soft look in her eyes, those tiny touches of hers. She looked too pure to touch, too good to let break. Would he be able to tell? If she was an angel? If she he was a ghost? Frank couldn't figure it out. "It's a funny nickname, isn't it? Ghost?"

Tisha bites her tongue, catches it between her molars on the right side as if she really needs to hold on to it tight to keep herself from talking shit. Fun. Fun like a lot of people, but also something else, something careless, a breezy hand that knocks over a figurine she's been trying to keep from breaking into pieces. She doesn't need to read Frank's mind. She's learned to read his face well enough to know when something is wrong. "Of course not." Tisha frowns, thumb making lazy circles on the back of his neck like she's trying to make up for the fact that he's too far away to kiss. And then, because this is the real question, because this is why he's asking even if he won't admit it without prompting, "Do you think you're a bad person?"

#icarian-carrion #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha #trauma tw #ptsd tw #death tw

[whileurmine]

He let out a laugh, a small little terrible laugh and it would be the saddest sound that had ever left his lips, if it wasn't for the active sobbing she had heard from him before. Arms looping around her body to pull her closer, closer, closer. There was no such thing as close enough when it came to her, was there? "Can you read minds or some shit? How the fuck do you know what's going through my head?" That wasn't entirely true. It was the general feeling stuck in his body, yes. The one that left his fingertips feelings cold and his hands feeling shaky, but it wasn't the thought running through his head though. There was nothing there. All there was was the ring of an explosion nearby, the sensation that something toxic was invading his lungs, the very concrete knowledge that nothing would ever be okay again. "He's fun, isn't he? I missed him." He just had to stay there, as long as he stayed still, as long as he didn't move, nothing bad would happen. Resting his forehead against her shoulder, Frank took in a deep breath, closed his eyes. Nothing would ever be okay again. "Been a while since I saw him." His voice was soft, his tone light. A distant smile still on his lips. There was no real prompt for him to lean back to look at her and ask, "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

Tisha doesn’t need to be asked twice - barely needs to be asked once, really. He’s had her worried half the night and she knows better than to ask when it’s not just the two of them, has been waiting for his friend to leave so she can check on him. Tisha settles down in his lap, arms looped around his neck. “Hey,” she says softly, nose brushing against his neck just under his jaw. He’s somewhere else, bring him back, bring him home. “I’m right here. You’re right here.” Tisha murmurs, brushing kisses against his jaw. “On your porch. We’re going to sit here as long as you want, and then we’re going to go inside, have a nice warm shower, and get into bed.” I love you, I love you, I love you. She wants to say it, but there’s never that moment, never a time where it doesn’t sound like please be okay, so it stays in her mouth, pressed in kisses against his rough cheek.

#icarian-carrion #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha #trauma tw #ptsd tw

[whileurmine]

"Do you? Shit." He huffed out a laugh. "Is this what tough love is supposed to be like then? I'm new to it, I might be reading into the wrong things. 'Cause calling my failed relationships girls I ran through and saying I'm victimizing the family loves me sure feels pretty fucking goddamn cruel as fuck, but maybe I just never experienced this type of care, right?" The glass is abandoned on the nearby table. His eyes scan the room for something else to drink. He could stop this at any point, yes, he was the one spurring her on. He could have shut the fuck up from the beginning. But then again, he had never been any good at telling himself to shut the fuck up, right? Wasn't that the problem to begin with? The thing that had cause all the symptoms she was talking about. "Who talked to you about me? James or Jason? Or was it both?" He meant for the laugh to sound cruel, sarcastic, mean. It didn't. It sounded pitiful. And that, that was the one part he was ashamed of in this whole thing. Looking like the type of guy that needed, that wanted, her fucking pity. He didn't, he didn't want shit from her, except maybe this fight, apparently. "You are fine, I don't actually give a shit, Tisha. Say whatever the fuck you want. Who gives a fuck about anything— Hey, pst." He snapped his fingers at a nearby waiter, "Go get e a drink, will you? Thanks." His attention turning back to her with a put back together smile. It was true though that it worked, the whole self-flagellation thing or whatever she called. If he was cruel enough, rude enough, bad enough, she wouldn't even hear the way his laugh had sounded. "I liked you better when you didn't know me though. Getting high watching the stars, now that was nice. If you ever get amnesia or some shit, you make sure to call me. We can give friendship another try."

Tisha can feel her own jaw start to tense up. “What part of this do you think makes me happy, Jack? Seeing James all freaked out because a fight with me made you spiral? Or maybe you just think I love seeing someone self destruct, because if I’m just a bitch then you’re the victim here, not the girls you run through, not the family that loves you. Let me dispel all your self serving illusions. None of it makes me happy. None of it is fun. The shit with the girls pisses me off, but it’s a symptom of something way fucking bigger that everyone around me has made it clear that I have no business trying to do anything about so now we get to go around in circles calling each other fuckface and dumb bitch and acting like we hate each other, even though I don’t hate you. I actually like you, Jack. You’re a fun guy. I just don’t know what the fuck to do about you.”

#icarian-carrion #they are in a party apparently idk

[whileurmine]

@icarian-carrion

They were laughing, the three of them, sharing stories of his younger, better days. And then Bear mentioned something, just one little moment, and Frank felt all of the warmth in his body leave in one laugh. — We called him ghost for weeks after... — Frank prompted a, "Hey, why don't tell her about, what was her name, that one girlfriend of yours. Emma? Jenna?" But there was no expression left in his face. Not while Bear talked about his girlfriend Ella, not when he said goodbye, promising to come back later, not once everything was done and Frank was left there sitting in his spot by the table on his porch. Unable to get up or move. It felt like a bomb had been dropped nearby. His brain left shaken inside his skull. Vision blurry, ears ringing. In the aftermath of a serious accident, you should never move the victim. The injuries might be more extensive than it initially looks. Frank didn't know what, no, he wasn't a fucking doctor. He just knew, if he got up just then, something in him would break. "Hey, come here," prompting Tisha to sit on his lap.

#icarian-carrion #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #frank garrett hamilton ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha

[whileurmine]

"What? You can say things that are 'mean but true'—" Cue the air quotes. "But when I do it, I'm trying to start a fight? That's weird." Another sip of his drink, another shake of his head. He was drunk, yes, but not nearly as drunk as he actually wanted to be. "We broke up, you know, me and Anna, if it makes you feel any better about the way that shitty fucking night ended—" With him high god knows where, with James finding him God knows how. He never meant for his mess to spread to his brother's life, but it always did, didn't it? "—Whatever the fuck you meant to do worked, so at least there's that." His glass left empty too soon." Maybe next time we can make the whole argument a little louder though, make sure my kids can hear it, extend the blast radius. Maybe, maybe, oh, new idea," He almost sounded excited for a second there, "Maybe you can talk James into kicking me out his life too. Apparently, my— What was is it again? Being too much of a fuck up or being creep, yeah, neither one are doing it for him. But if we work together, you never know..."

“I'm not dating anybody, so I guess you’re just that irresistible.” Tisha says flatly. Like she's fooling anybody, especially Jack, but it's got to be said. “Jack, I've been trying real hard, for the sake of your brother, to keep my mouth shut around you. If you want a fight, you'll get a fight, but between you and me, I think it would be a lot worse for you to just sit in this shit and seethe, because the only reason you're picking a fight is to have someone else to blame for feeling like shit."

#icarian-carrion #jack samuel holloway ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #jack samuel holloway ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha

[whileurmine]

new pitch, new pitch, my characters try to destroy their lives and relationship with yours.

#ooc #shut up manu #pls pretty pls make pretty men cry together

[whileurmine]

"Yeah, that." Jack chuckled, waving the glass in her general direction before taking a sip of his drink, "I love that, that's exactly what I mean." He could stop, play pretend that he liked her, de-escalate the situation for the sake of his older brother. He could, yes. But then again there were a whole lot of things he could be doing that would make a whole lot of people's lives a whole lot easier. "Does it help make you feel better about dating an asshole, if you are calling out the worse person in the room? Or am I just that irresistible?"

“You being a cunt for a reason, Jackie?” Tisha snorts. “Self flagellation, maybe? Trying to get mean little Tisha to dress you down, say all the things you think real loud when you look at yourself in the mirror but can’t get anyone else to say?”

#icarian-carrion

[whileurmine]

@icarian-carrion liked this for a one liner or two

"you have the inviting and uplifting energy of the black hole that will one day suck in the entire milk way." jack raised his glass in the air. sarcastic smile spread across his features. he was, already, very drunk. "cheers."

#[ cheering ] beat his ass !! beat his ass !! #jack samuel holloway ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 #jack samuel holloway ╱ 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 ╱ 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 ›› tisha