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you LOVE to see it when the dice want to tell a story

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High school marcanne doodle

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been having a wee bit of brain rot over bunny!chloe aka Duvet. she is hopping around my head uncontrollably so expect a lot more of her

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Your name fading from the pages of my life.

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the concept of Anne accepting the Guardian’s deal is so melancholic for me…

also here’s a speedpaint!

#art #amphibia

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youve ruined the color blue for me

#art #amphibia #sasha waybright

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Daily affirmations

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There are a couple tropes I really love in the space of Miraculous Ladybug fan works, but quite possibly my favorite is when the miraculous holders just get creature from using their powers.

Like yeah, I would say that hosting the power of an abstract concept given sentience, that got shoved into the shape of an animal and bound to a piece of jewelry, would kinda mess with your body a bit.

The little bit of this we get in canon is basically that Adrien loves being a cat and the whole Tikki munches incident.

But I love it when people give them ears and wings and tails, give them eyes that aren't quite human anymore. Fuck with their gender and their sense of body. Sometimes it's body horror, sometimes it's just aesthetic. Love it either way.

I just think it's so fun, a lot of the time it's combined with the like "when a holder and the kawami really respect and bond with each other there's nothing that can be done except having magic bleed into the holder" I think that's fun, but also just making the animal of the kwami a bigger deal is fun. Like if you're going to make it a ladybug you might as well give her wings and antenna and mirrored eyes.

#yes I do like ml #there's just so many characters I like to mess with in my head #also sue me I'm trans and have a certain respect for body horror. for the forced change of your physical self especially when you chose it #anyway I alwasys ramble in the tags #I set up this side blog to hide random writing thoughts I had and oh boy do I have a lot and none of them are on here #and recenetly (and by recently I mean like the past year) I've been hit with so many ml thoughts) #they're all gay #and some of them are cohesive #actually a lot of them revolve around chloe and au's where she gets a meaningful improvement arc #give that gay girl intresting stuff #miraculous ladybug #ml #although one of my ideas is also my very fun very gender take of ml where to conceal their identities ladybug and chat start pretending #to be different people under the masks like they don't need to like explicitly say. they just #switch costumes a lot and they like slyly hint at maybe theres dozens of people who pass around the miraculous to make sure that their #Identities are always safe #and to support the act they also start changing the genders they present as as holders. everyone is like “it's clearly multiple people” #and during this process marinette and Adrien are both like slowly having personal gender revelations #and gabe is like tearing his hair out over having to fight this secret group of superheros that he can never find or catch #but he's still just getting his ass kicked by two kids who're doing the world's most successful costumes change bits #it's like those “fake dating” tropes where they're like “oh but we really do love each other” but with gender #“oh I've got a great idea lets pretend to be different genders sometimes” #cut to “hmh ok so I think I'm not pretending anymore” #oh I do always ramble in the tags

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A friend came in and told me to close the window

The air outside was full of smoke

I hadn't noticed the change

We all forgot about the fires after a week or two

We can't focus on it for two long

We're not waiting for the end of the world

Because the end is happening

It has been happening so slowly

I wonder how long that will last

But the world keeps turning

And I have a feeling it'll never stop

#whoops it's not just ficlets in my notes #i wrote this a while ago when the sky started turninf orange #poetry #my writing

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To look at the universe as a human was to see nothing, to see out of two balls of goo sending electricity to a meat computer to process and show only a fraction of the insignificant amount that one can see.

To look at the universe, the multiverse, the grand culmination of all of existence, is to see it all. The mind previously called Anne Boonchuy was seeing it this way now, it knows the number of hairs on the body of every creature creature in existence, it could tell you the exact number of atoms in the milky way, or in the moon orbiting a boiling planet, the only mercy that it had was that no sight could look into the thoughts of others, it simply knew how and when every neuron fired. But it could still feel, as it was not simply it’s eyes that was everywhere for it had no eyes, it simply was and it felt and smelt and understood the effect of every action on every object and every lowly creature of meat and bone, and each creature that was more and each creature that was less.  

This is how it was, no before no after it was simply a fact about the universe that something was watching it, that something was understanding it more than any mind of mortal stock was ever made to do. It could have been a day, it could have been an eon, for seconds past as millennia and days past as seconds on a too fast watch.  But it was in fact one exact year since that mind had been placed there, one exact year to the hour until it was granted enough space in its mind for thought. 

No.. not it, she

She was her and her was Anne Boonchuy

She had had a name, she still had a name, she was Anne Boonchuy, and She wondered what curse had been placed on her dreams to make them so terrible, and when it was that she would wake up.

Except nothing was a dream, she had not dreamed in over a year, she knew that the blue moon orbiting a orange planet contained precisely 105,930,285,748,290 atoms at the time precisely before her capability for thought was restored and her sight cut off. The same way that she knew that on a wet world with no moon two girls cried together at the mention of her name. And that was all she was for a split second, conscious with no body to move and no mouth to speak before she once again found herself outside the universe and inside a cottage, mind placed in the image of a meat body she would have forgotten if she had retained the ability to forget. The guardian, orchestrator of her torment, stood before her, they were saying something their victim, Anne Boonchouy could not understand it, which was odd, she understood everything, it was a second before her consciousness caught up to her mind and her mind caught up with the fact that it once again had a body to express itself, to express herself, and the body screamed, it screamed and screamed and her mind screamed with it, as whatever power held together the illusion of her body broke and dissolved until she had no mouth to scream, reformed and dissolved again. Again and Again until the mind had exhausted itself and could process the pain and joy, the horror and clarity, that it had seen. 

The entity said exasperated, “oh good are you done now?”

Anne said nothing

The entity did not quite care and continued on “I have recalled you to ask if you believe you are ready to replace me after your continued experience of the universe taught you what you did not think you could do the last time I asked” and then they waited patiently

Anne said nothing, she could say nothing, what was there to say, how could she ever say it, this guardian, this entity, this monster had done this to her and it was asking if it had done a good enough job torturing her oh it was to much, it all was to much, how many deaths had she seen, how many lives had she experienced in the space of a year, what secrets of the universe were laying in her brain simply waiting to be called upon. There was everything and she had screamed and now there was nothing and she felt less than real, the world was empty, empty in a way Anne had always known but she did not recognize it anymore, it was small, it was pitiful, the universe was a noise and Anne felt like someone had just chopped off hear ears. She was being burned alive and then stripped and thrown a blizzard, what could she think then that she missed the warmth. 

“Well I suppose you might need more time, I had really hoped you could get it quickly” 

Anne said nothing, she did not scream this time as she was ripped apart into the emptiness of omnipotence, thankful at least that she would not have the capacity to think about the pain, she had been granted the ability to think about it, and she knew to merely experience pain was a blessing.

#anyway guess who's back on their computer typying out a comsic horror ending for amphibia #this is actually a full au I have in my head(and on paper but I'm not committing to that) I just really love doing Anne's pov #as she becomes a god #She will eventually agree to take over there's only so much cosmic torture one can take #sasha and marcy also have stuff going on (it's not great they need therapy tbh) which is good because they do eventually get help #but that's a story for a differnt ramble have fun with Anne's sense of reality breaking under the presusure of it's own enormity #amphibia #amphibia fic #amphibia au #anne boonchuy #my writing

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on the edge of space around a planet she was not born to a girl asked for help one last time, she knew the risks and she accepted them, the death of many worlds barred down upon her seeking it's final revenge. She looked at it saw it for what it was and the girl rasied her hand and said

"no"

and the monster was fell apart into a trillion triilion peices of fine dust and the girl followed suit soon after.

Outside the universe and inside a cottage this young girl met a god dressed in the body of her cat and she recived a job offer.

but she said "sorry but I'll have to pass, I'm still just a kid, and for every "heroic sacrifice" I made a hundred terrible mistakes"

"no! please! you're the only one who's qualified!"

for all their power Anne was having trouble taking dommino seriously, well not dommino really, neither dommino I or dommino II ever spoke to her... or offered her god hood for that matter.

"look dude I learned a *lot* from everything I've seen in amphiba and earth and stuff, but I'm still just a kid, no way I've learned enough to run the multiverse"

"..."

She honestly didn't know what to say, if this Dommino III really wanted her to run the multiverse then they must have less brains than Dommino I and II put together.

"maybe if I'd lived a couple more lives I'd be close to feeling ready for somthing like that but not now, I pass on the whole godhood thing"

"so you're saying that if you could expirence more lives, you might improve even more? maybe even feel ready to accept the position?"

Anne thought they sounded worryingly excited about that but she did see a chance to make a request

"I mean maybe but, I'd need to I don't know, be alive to do any of that... if you uh could help me out with that..?"

She had said it with the barest hope and a smile, surely if this was god or whatever and they thought so highly of her than sending her back would be no problem. but their reply runnied that.

"nonsense I won't just send you back to your body"

"oh"

"I can give you much more than mortality Anne boonchuy, you ask to expirence more lives, to see more. I grant you this in the hopes of your future acceptance of my offer"

And becfore she could protest that that was in fact not what she had meant. The small house dissolved and as the cat shape fell away and Anne was left floating in this space with somthing more bright and more terrible than anything that exists should be capable of being. The last thing she saw was a flash of her family, her worlds, and her girls before a blackness brighter than the sun engulfed her. The last thing she heard was the sound of a horrible human scream, which she supposed must have come out of her mouth despite not being quite sure where that was anymore. She heard it in her ears as they disintegrated and in felt it in her bones as they fell apart.

for the second time that day Anne Boonchouy fell into a million pieces. This time instead of nothing there was everything, and it was terrible.

#amphibia #anne boonchuy #amphibia au #amphibia fic #I have more thoughts about this au with anne gone and sasha and marcy stuck in amphibia each blaming themselves for Anne's death #my writing