abusednotraised

abusednotraised

Abused, Not Raised

My parents emotionally abuse/manipulate me and my sister. I'm fairly certain that my mother in particular is a narcissist. This blog documents my healing process. Hopefully it will help others out there that have experienced or are currently going through something similar. As this blog grows, I hope to organize it specifically so that it can be used as a resource.

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abusednotraised·14 hours agoText

abusednotraised:

Healing & Online Support Groups

I’ve gotta talk about online support groups for a minute.

So my financial situation is, in a word, shitty. While I know that I need intensive therapy, my mental health just doesn’t allow me to do typical jobs. I currently work as a food delivery driver in my area and while it has been pretty great in terms of flexibility, it’s not like I’m rich from it. The most I’m able to pay for is my anti-anxiety/depression medication and occasional visits with my PCP.

I thought it’d be great if I could find some support groups in my area to supplement my healing process until I’m in a better financial situation. The problem is that there are no in-person support groups for anything in my area. I’m not a student anymore, so I unfortunately can’t take advantage of university get-togethers. I would feel too uncomfortable being back in an academic setting anyway (a story for another time).

That’s where online support groups come in. I created another Facebook and have been using it to look for pages centering around adult children trying to deal with their toxic upbringings. Although it’s not the same as talking to someone face-to-face, it has still helped immensely. It reminds me that I’m not alone in dealing with the ramifications of toxic parenting. There are also reddit pages, and of course tumblr blogs dedicated to overcoming abuse.

That doesn’t mean that online support groups are all good. I’ll talk about that in another post. But for my needs right now, they’ve been great! So if you’re looking for a safe space to vent or just feel validated, make sure you check everywhere online and not just in your local area. It was really discouraging for me to be unable to find a single in-person group, but online groups have been my savior.

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abusednotraised·17 hours agoText

shadowcharmed:

Let’s talk a little about PTSD. Since this will be a theme on this blog, I want to dispel some misconceptions and myths. Hopefully this will help people understand such a complex disorder.

1) PTSD not what you think. It is not what the media thinks. You can have it and not know it.

2) Trauma is not what you think it is. Trauma is not what the media thinks it is. Trauma does not have to be a death; it does not have to be explosions; it does not have to be cancer; it does not have to be a near death experience, and it does not have to be witnessing a horrific thing such as gang rape. Trauma can be someone yelling at you; trauma can be someone ignoring you; trauma can be intense humiliation; trauma can be deep rejection, and trauma can be horrible betrayal. Trauma is that which wounds us so profoundly that we are permanently changed creatures.

3) There are two types of PTSD: Complex PTSD and PTSD. C-PTSD results from multiple traumas or multiple forms of abuse. PTSD is typically centered around just one event. C-PTSD is an accumulation.

4) You can get PTSD (or C-PTSD) from emotional abuse. This is possible. There are studies backing this up. Just because you weren’t “abused as badly” or “it was just words,” it doesn’t mean that you aren’t at risk or possibly suffer from PTSD. You can get it without being physically hurt.

5) Flashbacks don’t really work the way most people think they do. Every flashback is different. Sometimes you see things and sometimes you hear things. Sometimes a traumatic memory is played on a loop in your head, and the thoughts and feelings consume you for days. Sometimes you just feel like you’re emotionally re-experiencing the traumatic event. A lot of survivors of traumatic events don’t recognize those feelings as a flashback and therefore do not process upsetting events very well.

6) One of the most prominent symptoms of PTSD is avoidance. This can manifest as avoiding a single person or location. This can also be doing things like constantly distracting yourself so you don’t have to dwell on very upsetting memories or developing unhealthy habits such as constant drinking. This can lead to things like agoraphobia or other anxiety disorders.

7) PTSD develops because you experienced a very real threat to your safety and your brain wants to protect you from experiencing that again. It’s trying to remind you so you can avoid being in harm’s way again. This is your body’s attempt to save you. Don’t resent it too much. It’s trying to help.

8) People with PTSD startle easily and are hyper-vigilant in seemingly benign situations. This is because, as stated above, your brain is trying to protect you. Don’t get too upset or frustrated with yourself when you experience this. Respect your body. It wants to help.

9) Respect your trauma. Respect. Your. Trauma. So many people feel guilty bringing up something “benign” because “someone has it worse.” That is a normal reaction. People - and the media - tend to minimize things like emotional abuse or neglect. Those have scientifically been proven to be very traumatic. Respect your trauma. Just because someone has had a shittier situation, it doesn’t mean that yours isn’t shitty as well. Respect that. Know that your pain is real and your trauma is real. This is how healing from PTSD begins.

10) You don’t have to be a soldier to have PTSD.

If you constantly think about a traumatic encounter, constantly /avoid/ thinking about that encounter, have triggers such as seeing someone or going to a certain location, have anxiety or panic attacks when thinking about the event/person, feel unsafe all the time, or are easily startled, please see a mental health professional. You might have more than “just” anxiety. Your quality of life can be improved with treatment and medication. Respect your body. Respect your trauma. Respect your healing. Respect your worth.

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abusednotraised·18 hours agoPhoto

cwote:

Your life path will have many twists and many turns. There will be peaks and times of pure bliss that are succeeded by valleys of emotional distress. However, all of it shapes you into what it means to be you. In the end, you will be okay. 

abusednotraised
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abusednotraised·18 hours agoText

More On Online Support Groups - Stay Cautious

Like I said in a previous post, I created a new Facebook profile mainly to create a safe space I felt I could truly be myself without fear of my family’s influence. I began to look for pages pertaining to my situation soon after realizing group support in a physical setting was going to be very difficult to find in my area. One of the pages I found seemed like a perfect fit. However, it had a rule: if you attempted to join using a new profile, you needed to privately message an admin of the page to let them know why you were attempting to join using a new profile.

Their rationale was that internet trolls and the like are prone to making fake profiles to join these kinds of groups just to antagonize the members, and this was a preventative measure to weed out the bullies. It made sense to me, so I sent a join request with my new profile and immediately messaged one of the admins to explain my situation.

I didn’t hear from anyone all day. I didn’t think much of it for the first few hours (not everyone uses social media frequently after all). The next day, though, my anxiety kicked in. I decided to check whether the admin had seen my message yet, and got a bit of a surprise: the admin had blocked me.

Confused and a bit upset, I messaged another admin of the group letting them know what happened, and asked whether I had offended the other admin in some way. A day later, the second admin had blocked me too. I could also no longer see the page I had requested to join.

It’s interesting what little can send me into a spiral these days. It seems silly, but my brain immediately told me that I was being rejected. Thankfully, I found another group that has been a lot nicer. I asked the members if anyone else had experienced what I had, and the answers were surprisingly a resounding “yes”. Some said they had been shunned by the same group. Others said their posts were taken advantage of in other spaces that were supposedly deemed “safe”. It was horrifying.

Be careful when you join online support groups. Not all are created equal. I’ve had success with FB groups that have pre-screening questions. In general, be careful with the info you share. Have some kind of system in place. One person I talked to, for example, told me that they would only keep their posts/comments up for a few hours - then they would delete them. If you’re using reddit, you can use throwaway accounts. I’ve also seen people create tumblrs for the sole purpose of engaging with recovery blogs.

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abusednotraised·4 days agoText

I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks this week again. It’s been….quite a lot, and I haven’t been able to write them down because it’s just been too much. They’re starting to scare me again.

I feel like I’m in a rut. I know I should just write about what’s on my mind, but everything I’ve divulged here so far has not really been delving deep into what happened to me. I feel like if I were to start writing about it, my ramblings would turn into a book. Or it would become too much to pull myself out of.

So I just haven’t opened the blog at all this week. I’m sorry guys. It’s really difficult to do this without professional help. Not that I’m going to stop trying. But it’s definitely rough at times.

I’m going to try and start writing again, in little chunks.

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abusednotraised·12 days agoText

abusednotraised:

I knew if I worked this much I was going to probably get sick, but I was really hoping I’d get lucky. No such luck. 🤧 I will likely be out of commission over the next couple of days. Happy Monday!! Hope your day is better than mine 😫

Okay so it’s looking like this whole week is out, holy crap. My chest is on fire from all this coughing. That’s the last time I work 16 days in a row (if I can help it). 😫😫😫

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abusednotraised·15 days agoText

I knew if I worked this much I was going to probably get sick, but I was really hoping I’d get lucky. No such luck. 🤧 I will likely be out of commission over the next couple of days. Happy Monday!! Hope your day is better than mine 😫

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

New followers

Thank you for joining me! I hope that my memories, evaluations, and resources will help you all. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re going through something yourself! It doesn’t even have to be related to abuse. Again, I’m not an expert but I do love to help others.

I want to be clear: if I do not answer right away, it does not mean I am not listening or do not care. I am still trying to figure things out myself. That means there will definitely be days where I won’t be able to even open this blog, much less post or interact. But I will do my best to message back, look for a resource that may be able to help, or share with others to see if someone else can help. You are not alone, ever.

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

Healing & Online Support Groups

I’ve gotta talk about online support groups for a minute.

So my financial situation is, in a word, shitty. While I know that I need intensive therapy, my mental health just doesn’t allow me to do typical jobs. I currently work as a food delivery driver in my area and while it has been pretty great in terms of flexibility, it’s not like I’m rich from it. The most I’m able to pay for is my anti-anxiety/depression medication and occasional visits with my PCP.

I thought it’d be great if I could find some support groups in my area to supplement my healing process until I’m in a better financial situation. The problem is that there are no in-person support groups for anything in my area. I’m not a student anymore, so I unfortunately can’t take advantage of university get-togethers. I would feel too uncomfortable being back in an academic setting anyway (a story for another time).

That’s where online support groups come in. I created another Facebook and have been using it to look for pages centering around adult children trying to deal with their toxic upbringings. Although it’s not the same as talking to someone face-to-face, it has still helped immensely. It reminds me that I’m not alone in dealing with the ramifications of toxic parenting. There are also reddit pages, and of course tumblr blogs dedicated to overcoming abuse.

That doesn’t mean that online support groups are all good. I’ll talk about that in another post. But for my needs right now, they’ve been great! So if you’re looking for a safe space to vent or just feel validated, make sure you check everywhere online and not just in your local area. It was really discouraging for me to be unable to find a single in-person group, but online groups have been my savior.

6 notes · See All
abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

Flashback #7: The Upside-Down Face

When I was a kid, my parents would take out their frustrations from whatever they were going through on me and my sister. They would scream at us for the smallest things. Slamming doors in the house was a no-no for us, but my mother would do it all the time when she was pissed. Her routine would be:

  1. Come home and SLAM the front or side door closed
  2. Find one of us kids and shriek about something we’d done like leave a mess or a bad grade, or basically anything, for anywhere from 5 minutes to several hours
  3. Stomp out and SLAM her bedroom door closed

I had to figure out a way to deal with my mother and father constantly traumatizing me like this. I just remembered that one of the ways I dealt with it was this tactic I called the “Upside-Down Face”.

Basically, whenever my parents yelled at me I would change my position so that I could see their faces upside-down. I got the idea from some kids’ show, I don’t remember which one now. I mainly remember using it on my dad; he had a beard, and I remembered that the Upside Down Face usually had hair.

The Upside-Down Face made me feel safe. I only had to use that tactic when my parents were mad. And when they were mad, their mouths would always stay upside down. Which meant that the Upside-Down Face was always happy! Whenever I needed it, the face would always give me a smile. It was hilarious. I’d have to stifle laughter every time I used it during a parent’s yell session. It was like a clown.

Looking back, it terrifies me that I had to use such drastic measures when I was around my own flesh and blood.

~~~~~

Welcome to Abused, Not Raised. Does this flashback sound similar to something you’ve gone through? Struggling to come to terms with the fact you’ve been emotionally/physically abused by your family, immediate or extended? Share your experience with me in a comment/reblog. It’s good to let it out.

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

Hey yall 💜 I took yesterday off for the blog cuz I’m still working! But it’s worth it cuz bills 😅

Today is gonna be another #selfreblogsunday so if ya don’t want to see old content, go ahead and block that tag. Otherwise, have a great Sunday and see ya soon!

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

My mother is the reason I have an eating disorder & body dysphoria.

When I turned 13, Mother started commenting on how I ate and my body shape. “Don’t eat too fast. You’re not chewing enough. *She would then show me exactly how many times to chew.* You’re not eating enough veggies; I don’t see any on your plate. No, corn doesn’t count. No, beans don’t count. It has to be green. I don’t care that you hate the texture of lima beans and raw tomatoes; eat them, they’re good for you. You’re eating too much protein and carbs. Here, sign up for Weight Watchers. Here, use Myfitnesspal. Let’s go for a walk before you eat that. Make sure you open MapMyWalk first. Don’t forget to track your weight. Why don’t you want to weigh yourself in front of me?" She started hiding foods she deemed unhealthy in a little fridge stored in my parents’ room, mainly birthday cake. When I complained, she said that since she bought the food she could do whatever she wanted with it.

This is what I looked like around the age of 16. My mother was forcing me into WW meetings at the time. Looking at this picture, I can't believe I used to think I was obese.

Whenever I looked down at my stomach, I saw a globe. I couldn’t get that imagery out of my head. I’d put my hands on my belly and try to smooth it down, push it in, pinch it away…I wished I could just cut it off. I hated my thighs. I compared them to cow thighs, or gigantic chicken legs. In fact, the only thing I liked about my body back then were my eyebrows. That was it. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a lump of fat for a body. I have trouble looking at myself in the mirror to this day.

After awhile, I developed a habit of only eating one meal a day. I would either skip breakfast or nibble at a piece of fruit. I’d tell myself I would eat lunch, and then I would forget to eat on purpose. When dinner came around, I would binge on fatty foods. I’ve eaten an entire extra large pizza by myself in one sitting, as well as pounds of fried Chinese food. I’d always hoped that one meal a day would prompt my body to lose weight. Instead, it held onto the fat and made everything worse.

When I was in college, I remember telling my mom that I thought I had anorexia. I had gone to the health center on campus for a therapy session and saw a pamphlet about eating disorders. Before then, I’d had an inkling that I had a disorder but I honestly wasn’t sure which one, or if it was serious (I know now that it is). After reading the symptoms in the pamphlet, I realized that it was something I should probably look into. When I told her my suspicions about anorexia, she responded with a variation of, "you can’t be anorexic because you’re overweight.” Which I know now isn’t true, you can be any size and be anorexic.

I went on to say, “okay…well I still think I have some sort of eating disorder. Maybe bulemia?” She sort of nodded and said, “hmm maybe.” And I waited for some kind of follow up reassurance, advice, anything. All I got was: “Well, at least you’ll lose weight.” I don’t remember talking to her about it again.

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

Positive affirmation #1

Today is going to be a great day. Even if something difficult happens today, I can get past it and find something to make myself smile.

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

abusednotraised:

Flashback #6: “Have you taken your pills?”

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression around the age of 16. I have been prescribed medication ever since. When I first started taking meds, whenever I would get upset with my mother, angry with her, or even try to stand up for myself, her first question would be: “have you taken your pills/have you been taking your pills?”

I wasn’t very good at creating that habit just yet, and even felt ashamed I had to take them. When I got diagnosed, one of the first things my mom said was “don’t ever tell your grandmother (her mom); she won’t believe you.” I believed that lie for years, even though I was very close with my maternal grandmother. When I finally confessed to my nana that I was suffering from those mental illnesses a couple years back, she was so understanding and listened even more than my own mother. Which now makes me think that Mother was again projecting her experience onto my own.

Anyway, at 16 I was ashamed about having to take pills in the first place because of this and would often forget to take my pills. Since I knew I had issues keeping up with them, I thought Mother was just trying to help. But I also remember when she would ask me that question, that was basically all it took to shut me up. The implication I understood was that whatever emotions I was experiencing were my own fault because I hadn’t been taking my pills. So whenever she asked me that question, I felt extremely guilty and ashamed, and stopped saying whatever I was saying to defend myself/express myself. And that was just the end of whatever discussion/argument we were having.

~~~~~

Welcome to Abused, Not Raised. Does this flashback sound similar to something you’ve gone through? Struggling to come to terms with the fact you’ve been emotionally/physically abused by your family, immediate or extended? Share your experience with me in a comment/reblog. It’s good to let it out.

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abusednotraised·16 days agoText

Hey yall 💜 I took yesterday off for the blog cuz I’m still working! But it’s worth it cuz bills 😅

Today is gonna be another #selfreblogsunday so if ya don’t want to see old content, go ahead and block that tag. Otherwise, have a great Sunday and see ya soon!

3 notes · See All
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