dannikay

[dannikay]

Makeup and clothes are for skin.

Not genders.

#sexism #equality #makeup #clothes #skin #gender #actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic women #make up #sexist

[dannikay]

"Poor NEUROTYPICAL social skills***"

I'm sure this person has excellent Autistic social skills. We do not have to live up to Neurotypical standards. We're not Neurotypical!

saying that autism is a disability does not cancel out anything that you love about being autistic

autism is a disability, and sometimes stims are harmful, and a lot of my stims are really fun and enjoyable

autism is a disability, and my poor social skills make life really hard, and I don’t know who I’d be without that added social quirkiness

autism is a disability, and executive dysfunction can make studying really hard, and I love how passionate I can be about a topic that I actually care about

these things can (and do) coexist

#actually autistic #autism #autistic adult #being autistic

[dannikay]

image descriptions in alt text

Its that time of year again! OUR time. 👏🏽🔥♾

2020 2021

#autgust #autistic pride month #autistic pride #actually autistic

[dannikay]

One of my biggest pet peeves?

When I'm telling people how a thing, that they think is normal, triggers me. And their ignorant response is "Well then maybe you shouldn't have the thing if you can't handle *insert trigger here*"

Well my response to all of those ignorant, ableist comments is that disabled people deserve EVERYTHING that abled people deserve.

We do not deserve less simply because our needs are different and we need accommodations and they don't.

We don't deserve less. PERIOD.

We are not less. If someone tries to say it act like we are, then they're ignorant, ableist and pretty cruel.

I am not less than.

Being born Autistic doesn't make me less worthy or less deserving.

If they think that it does make me less worthy, then the problem isn't my being disabled. The problem is *their thoughts* about my being disabled.

They need to fix their thoughts and their heart and then suddenly the problem will no longer exist.

Autistic people have been expected to accommodate non-Autistic people for centuries and it needs to end. (Autism was still a thing long before it had a name)

#actually autistic #autism #neurodivergent #autistic adult #being autistic #ableism #non Autistic #accepted #AA Acceptance #autistic women #autistic problems

[dannikay]

Said goodbye to my little boy Sunday evening. I'll miss you so much!!

#Rat #my rats #ratsofinstagram #rats #rainbow bridge #i love you #my boy <3 #broken heart #actually autistic #autistic women #pet rats #fancy rats

[dannikay]

April 4th: Are there any topics regarding autism that you feel don’t get discussed enough?

Yes, lots! But I think the #1 thing I would like to see discussed more is the problem of infantilization. I want this talked about more because it’s the #1 mistake I see well-meaning allistic people make (especially but not exclusively able-bodied, neurotypical people).

What is infantilization?

To infantilize someone means to “treat [them] as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience” (from Oxford Languages). Wikipedia calls it “the prolonged treatment of one who has a mental capacity greater than that of a child as though they are a child,” and notes that “Studies have shown that an individual, when infantilized, is overwhelmingly likely to feel disrespected. Such individuals may report a sense of transgression akin to dehumanization.”

What does the infantilization of autistic people look like?

This is not a complete list (my autistic siblings, feel free to add on):

Elevating the voices of parents of autistic kids and allowing them to be the main storytellers of the story of autism (which leads to the story perpetually being about autistic children)

Presuming autistic people are dependent on others to speak and make decisions for them even as adults (I am what most allistics would call “high functioning” and even I have this happen! I’m sure it’s even worse for people who struggle more with masking)

Treating autistic social peers like a young child or a cute dog (I’ve had people use the exact same voice on me that they’d use on pets), instead of true friendship or the respect offered to an equal

Making fun of autistic-like traits but specifically making exceptions for people who are actually autistic, implying both that autistic behavior is worth derision and that we’re too mentally incompetent to be held to the same standards (“Don’t make fun of her for that, she’s autistic!”)

Making a big dealing of autistic people doing regular things (getting a job, getting married, etc)

Portraying our friends, partners, employers, etc as generous saints who only befriend/date/hire us as charity (“oh it’s so nice of her to ask that autistic boy to prom!” or “local shop gives autistic young adult a job!”) rather than because we’re good friends, partners or employees

Thinking autistic people are incapable of understanding or having relationships, including sexual relationships

Not teaching basic sex ed to special ed students, even tho many of them are physically capable and curious like most teens and are more vulnerable to abuse which makes learning about sex even more important

Headcanoning all autistic-coded characters as asexual due to their autistic traits (it is OKAY to have ace autistic characters, but if you headcanon every autistic coded character as ace, ask why—is it bc you see autistic traits as childlike?)

Also in fandom, describing autistic coded characters as “perfect smol beans” or “stupid idiot babies” etc (this happens to ADHD coded characters too)

Talking about autistic people as tho we’re all pure, innocent beings (we’re not anymore than other people, and if we are naive it is often due to information and experiences being kept from us, like autistic kids not being taught about sex)

Basically, if you treat autistic people like oversized children who can’t have real friendships, romantic/sexual relationships, jobs, or other adult accomplishments, and your response to seeing any autistic people doing these things is the attitude of “oh cute, it thinks it’s a person,” you are infantilizing us. Please stop.

Non-autistic people, I would love if you’d reblog this. Like I said, it is the #1 thing I see well-meaning allistic people doing. It is humiliating, degrading, and dehumanizing. Please help more people learn about this so they’ll stop doing it.

[dannikay]

btw when autistic and adhd people talk about getting mocked for their interests they’re not saying “i was oppressed for liking nintendo and this is the biggest problem autistic people have” we are saying that people made it a point to call us slurs and mock us and would often use our interests (usually ones considered “childish” or “weird” whether its sonic or taxidermy) as evidence we were “weird” and deserved to be ostracized and mocked, usually to get a rise out of us too because of rejection sensitivity disorder and how we’re known to be bad at regulating our emotions. 

#actually adhd #actually autistic #neurodivergent #autism #infantilization #infantilism

[dannikay]

And the time and space to just be, as you are. Without anyone else imposing themselves on you, in any way! **hugs** 💕

wishing anyone in autistic burnout right now a good day, the opportunity to regain energy, and the joy of a special interest

[dannikay]

The majority of Autistics are treated like dogs by Neurotypicals. We are trained to behave the way they want and not the way we want.

#autistic adult #actually autistic #autistic problems #neurodivergent #autism #autistic experiences #being autistic #autistic feels

[dannikay]

autism hacks

please feel free to add your own! some of these may be obvious to some but I wanted to list everything I could think of. I’m not a professional, these are just things that have helped me or other autistics. not all of these may be helpful to everyone, it’s a spectrum after all!

sound:

noise-cancelling headphones: this one made a huge difference! mine had a computer voice that said a long message everytime the bluetooth connected & disconnected but you can switch it off for optimal quiet bliss; just wearing headphones or earphones without music can sometimes already help (rec’d by @blorbofromourshow)

noise-softening earplugs: the company “Flare audio” make a variety of earbuds to block out or soften sound. With their “Calmer” product for example you can still hear everything but it removes the jarring pitches. Some companies sell earplugs for musicians which have a similar effect. As for regular earplugs, I’ve got very small ears so I cut foam earplugs in half before use. But I prefer wax earplugs because you can mold those to your ear canal shape. (The wax earplugs come in cotton coating for packaging which is a bad texture imo, but once that is off they are great!)

electricity: if the buzzing of electricity is keeping you from sleeping (and you don’t want to use earbuds), try unplugging non-essential electrical items at night

noisy doors and chairs: add felt pads to doors, furniture, drawers, whatever is used often and makes a sound that is too loud! felt pads can be bought in big packs and various sizes and are self-adhesive. similarly there are insulation self-adhesive strips you can buy for windows - meant for if they are letting too much wind and rain in, but they may also help with sound a little on old windows

important infos per email: if you have issues like APD it can be helpful to ask at school/college/work/etc if you can get information condensed into an email. it is common in uni to ask “could you also send us an email with all the details?” to make sure everyone has all the full info.

clocks: if you don’t live alone and there is a pesky loud ticking clock that you aren’t allowed to remove, put some thick felt behind it so the sound is softened. having a noise on a hard surface like wood often makes it much louder

light:

polarised sunglasses: these are special sunglasses that soften harsh reflections. Make sure not to wear sunglasses inside for too long or too often because that will from what I’ve read actually make your light sensitivity worse. There are apparently FL-41 glasses that are against migraines to soften the light while being suitable for indoor and everyday wear, but they are not available in my country it seems so can’t vouch for them.

hat with a cap/brim: hats with large brims can also block out direct rays of sunlight, reflection, or fluorescent ceiling lamps depending on the tilt

blackout curtains: these are curtains that block out the light. you can buy some fairly inexpensive ones online, mine are a lovely soft lilac colour yet the dark fabric sandwiched in the middle stops almost all light from coming in. [there are curtains online that self-profess to blocking out sound but I’ve read some places that that doesn’t actually work so proceed with caution regarding those!]

on your computer: I can’t vouch for every computer, but I can dim the brightness of my screen which helps a lot. You can also set your screen to grayscale if that helps. Additionally I use a programme called “f.lux” which adapts the tone to the time of day to reduce bluelight. A lot of websites also offer “dark mode” for less eye strain.

lamps: if the ceiling lights in your home are too bright (or, worse, flicker as well) you can just use plug-in lamps instead. you can control the amount of light and its colour through your bulb choice, some lamps even actually come with a brightness regulator.

taste:

dislike of water: if you don’t like the taste water, you can work around that by drinking tea (either tea bags that need to be boiled but can be left to cool if you prefer a non-hot drink, or tea bags that can be brewed cold like some ice teas) or adding fruits to the water to change its flavour (there are special bottles for this in case you don’t want chunks while drinking)

toothpaste: if you hate brushing your teeth it may be because of mint toothpaste! there are other flavours out there that are no less healthy, e.g. fruit-flavoured toothpaste. you can get some much more pleasant flavours in kids toothpaste, just make sure you get enough fluoride content. if you hate the water and foam aspects of teethbrushing there are dry chewable options out there!

grounding (e.g. from dissociation): if you need something to ground you it can be helpful to have a quick sensory “shock”, for example a strong mint, wasabi snacks, ammonia, or other intense smells/tastes to carry with you

touch:

weighted blankets: the pressure of a weighted blanket is said to relieve anxiety and is found to be comforting for a lot of autistics. if pressure if for you, you may also enjoy weighted vests! if you can’t afford a weighted blanket, thrift stores may have quilts and crocheted blankets that can sometimes be quite heavy to get you part of the way there weight-wise

sticky or gross residue: carry anti-bacterial wet wipes or anti-bacterial hand sanitiser with you (these come in different levels of liquidity, either very runny or more gel-like, depending on your preference) for a quick hand-cleanse when your hands touched something sticky or gross

wear gloves: if you are sensitive to textures it may help to wear gloves in certain situations, e.g. when washing dishes (rec’d by @vitaminbees)

smell:

bad smells: carry a small essential oil bottle of a good smell with you to cover the bad smell in your nostrils (recommended by @pixiesky) ; other oils and even car air fresheners could also help (rec’d by @chaosintheavenue)

cover your nose: covering your nose with a mask or a wet flannel can block out some of the smells (rec’d by @veradragonjedi)

stimming: 

stim toys baby style: if getting stim toys is not easy for you, toys for babies are often great for stimming plus the baby sections sometimes sell toys that are meant to be chewed (chewlery-adjacent)

DIY stim toy: an easy DIY stim toy is the marble maze! you need to do some simple sewing and besides your sewing supplies only need a bit of fabric and a marble (I used large jewellery beads if you have those at hand). the marble maze is excellent for fidgeting while making almost no noise, like for a school environment

overloads & meltdowns:

scripted note cards: have pre-prepared cards or images to show when you are going semi- or non-verbal, or already are, and for other situations where you cannot communicate while in distress but have to let people know what is going on for your own safety and well-being

aac apps: for non-verbal people “augmentative and alternative communication” apps and devices are also useful which allow you to communicate via your phone or through the aac device

other:

nesting: nesting is something you probably already do, where you have a comfortable regular spot in your home and gather things you need (or that make you feel safe and good) around your area. @autistic-af has made several posts about this and recommends using portable boxes for those who share the space with others and don’t want their nest to be disrupted by others (or if you need your space to be very neat, which nesting usually isn’t). nesting in one’s bed is common, just make sure not to charge your laptop or phone on the mattress as that is a fire hazard.

[dannikay]

just to be clear, the fact that music was nominated for a golden globe is absolutely disgusting. every single (adult) involved in that gross, ableist movie should be sickened by themselves.

for those of you who don't know, music (2021) is a movie being directed by sia about a nonverable autistic girl. not only does it not include any actually autistic people in the movie itself but it also only took advice from autism speaks which is looked at as a hate group by the majority of the autistic community. leaked scenes have also shown the movie glorifying prone restraints which are incredibly dangerous and have resulted in major injuries and even death to disabled people as recently as last year.

autistic people just like me have been incredibly outspoken about how harmful this movie is but the allistic have been mostly silent. we are already seeing reviews calling this movie 'inspiring' and important' and it's absolutely horrific! we need your help calling this out. please stand with us and call out this disgusting display of disrespect to autistic folks.

💛 - your local actually autistic pal

p.s. please, please reblog if you aren't autistic.

[dannikay]

For people who haven’t heard: this month, the DSM (diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) are planning on updating the criteria for getting an autism diagnosis. On paper, this sounds like a good thing. It’s not.

The DSM is the handbook used by healthcare workers worldwide, for diagnosing mental disorders and the like. You may have read that the autistic diagnosis criteria is getting updated and, like many in the autistic community, hoped that this meant that it would be expanded, to make it easier for AFAB, transgender, and non-white people to be diagnosed (as it is notoriously hard for anyone except for white, cisgender men to obtain an autism diagnosis). However, they recently released a statement saying that they were not expanding the criteria, but were instead making it more ‘conservative’, as they feel autism is being ‘over-diagnosed’. (Which is, of course, bullshit for a whole plethora of reasons which I’m sure you’ve heard before.)

As-of my posting this, they have not released the official, updated criteria yet, so there is not much we can do right now. But there is one thing that we must agree upon: DO NOT SHAME PEOPLE FOR SELF-DIAGNOSING WITH AUTISM. Because obtaining an autism diagnosis is, quite literally, only getting harder.

[dannikay]

I don't know if I'm Akexithymic or not but I do know that I regularly struggle to know what I'm feeling in any given moment.

But there are also moments where I absolutely know what I'm feeling and it comes so easily to me.

But regardless of that, this is still valid! You are allowed to guess what you might be feeling.

Sometimes I don't know what I'm feeling when someone shares something with me. I just see the logical, more objective side of the thing they're sharing with me.

It isn't until a few hours later when I'm remembering what they shared with me that I'm finally able to identify what I feel for them and that information.

So, in the heat of the moment, I absolutely do guess what I might be feeling.

The same goes for a situation where I experience something without anyone sharing news with me. Maybe I just watched something intense happen? But I won't be able to identify how I feel about it until several hours later after I recharge and process it all.

emotionless or alexithymic people are allowed to say they feel something, even if it isn’t strictly true.

sometimes saying “I’m happy for you” (whether it’s true or not) is an important social lubricant that helps to maintain relationships.

it’s okay to guess or approximate your emotions and go from there. it’s okay to say you feel something even if you’re not 100% sure whether you do or not. it’s okay

[dannikay]

Can i ask... What do mold meltdowns look like? I've been looking into it and I think there's a high chance that I'm autistic but according to other people's experiences, mine isn't "that bad".

There's a lot to work with with just my interactions with people alone, instances where I mess up a conversation or do/say something that gets interpretted differently than I mean.. but I'm still researching.

I understand not all autistic experiences are alike, but I wonder if my becoming overwhelmed with noise and people and things when I'm out in public leading into my panic attacks count as meltdowns. I cry and go quiet for the next hour or so

that sounds like a shutdown, rather than a meltdown — and both shutdowns and meltdowns are valid autistic experiences.

shutdowns can look like:

not talking or making much noise

not being able to move, or moving slowly

not feeling in control of your body

dissociating/zoning out

feeling like a phone on low power mode

meltdowns can look like:

increased stimming

yelling, screaming, crying, etc

laying on the floor

wanting to run very far away

feeling like everything inside of you was put together wrong

they both can have similar causes — sensory overload, stress, sudden changes — it’s just that a shutdown is more internal where a meltdown is more external

they can last any amount of time and happen at any amount of frequency. it really differs from person to person. it’s also true that not all autistic people will have meltdowns or shutdowns — it really does depend on who you are and how you express distress.

hope this helps!

[dannikay]

my autism means that nobody can tell the difference between me joking around and me genuinely being sick of everyone’s shit. and, just like when I can’t read people, that’s my fault somehow

[dannikay]

Visual sensory sensitivities are just as valid as audible and physical ones.

#neurodivergent #autism #being autistic #autistic adult #nd culture #actually autistic #autistic women #sensory #sensory sensitivity

[dannikay]

I think I would have more friends if I realized “be honest” is neroutypical for “lie to me” before the age sixteen.